| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:37:05 PM | how can a dating site cause nothing but heart ache?
yes this will probably get deleted as a self pity thread,but i really dont care
i spend my time searching for someone who may be my partner,my loved one.my best friend
so why is it all i find is people who want to stomp on my feelings,let me down and squash every bit of self confidence i have
im usually a very happy,outgoing,kind and caring sort of woman,,,but why is it someone who i take at face value, as i would in real life,treat me like im a nothing,,why do i feel that i am not worthy of been happy and feel that i really dont deserve to smile anymore?
why cant people be honest,trustworthy and genuinely mean what they say anymore?
why do fairy tales not exsist for people like me?
delete all you want,,rip me to shreds all you want,,,im sure im not the only one who has been let down by the people on this site
thankyou for letting me say how i feel,,,its a first for me
jasmine x | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:44:58 PM | | Another one of these. First off, no one can stomp on your feelings and squash your self confidence unless you let them. If you are being affected like you say, then you need to work on your self esteem because its very low. These sites aren't cure alls for everyone's love problems. This is merely a dating tool. You need to lower your expectations because if you go around expecting everyone to be your prince charming, you are going to be disappointed all the time. Become more positive and sure of yourself and eventually you will see better results. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:49:50 PM | i was a very positive person,,,and surely a dating site is for genuine people who want to find a date
i dont expect a prince charming but i do expect people to be as honest as i am
as for "another one of these" doesnt that speak for itself that these sites do not work,,,its just merely another tool for people to hurt and be hurt
im not stupid,,im not some little teeny bopper that believes everyone i speak to is the one,,and im not so stupid as to realise that the real world isnt a pretty place
the only thing i can be accused of been stupid of is taking people at face value | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:50:24 PM | Not trying to be mean to you, but to speak my mind.... I will have to be.
Why are you letting these people get you down? They are not doing anything to you, you are not letting them do. If they say something to/about you, let it roll off your back. No one should get you down. You are a attractive and smart (seems like it) woman. So when these people try to cut you down, hold your head high and ignore them. There are guys out there that would die to be with you. Finding them though this chaos is hard, but I have faith in you. much love hon | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:56:10 PM | clorin,,,thankyou for a lovely and sincere reply
i do appreciate peoples opinions ,,good and the bad
there are only so many times you can pick your self up from a fall,,,when no matter how much you believe there is someone out there for you somewhere,,,eventually you have got to come to the realisation there maybe there isnt
i have also come to realise that you have got to find your own happiness in this world,,you cant rely on someone else to do that for you
all im saying is,,,why cant people just be who they say they are then there would be much less heartache,,,tears and pain | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 1:59:48 PM |
i dont expect a prince charming but i do expect people to be as honest as i am
Why would people online be any different than those you meet out in the world? There are dishonest people everywhere you go, amongst those who you can take at their word. Like everyone else, you have to find a way to filter the liars out.
as for "another one of these" doesnt that speak for itself that these sites do not work,,,its just merely another tool for people to hurt and be hurt
The "another one of these" remark was because I had just read someone else's plea for pity. I'm sure there are a lot of people who would disagree that these sites don't work. If you are getting hurt, that is not the site's fault. Take some personal accountability for how things work out for you. You need to get your head back up because this state your in isnt going to help you. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:04:16 PM | You have to pick yourself up EACH time. let no man (or woman) dampen your spirits.
Yes you have to make yourself happy, but when the time is right someone else will give you that happiness. Thing is.... do not try to make it happen. When you try you will fail. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:08:50 PM | yawg,,,i did say that i take people on here at face value as i do in the real world
im not saying its the sites fault,,,anyone with any ounce of intelligence can differentiate between people and a man made dating tool
i do take personal accountability for things that i say and do and how i react to others and how i allow people to treat me
i may not be as articulate as many on here but what im trying to assert is that why spend time on a site such as this one,,,putting endless effort into fooling people into thinking you really are something your not
as for the pity issue,,if someone told you,you was green every day,,,eventually you would believe you was green,,,now i believe all the above things i mentioned
this is not a state that i am in,,,its a state that over a period of time, people have led me to believe
at the end of the day nothing of this conversation really matters,,,i just needed,,,just for once to say how i feel and to voice my opinion,,,that in itself has given me hope | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:10:04 PM | If your response to the site is negative (bear in mind that internet dating is the least successful form of dating) -- prehaps -- internet dating is not for you. Many people say things they wouldn't say until they've known you a good long while as they are hiding behind a screen. With that said ... I would recommend a profile review for you.
Good luck to you as you sound like a wonderful person. In reality you can't expect anything from people. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:15:47 PM |
after one fall after another,i think your right internet dating isnt for me
i do believe good friends can be made using the internet,,,but thats because there are no expectations from friends, you only get let down when you set yourself a target or goal in which you wish to gain from something
maybe im not the person i thought i was,,,in which case it is time to look at myself and try to change things that i believe are wrong about myself
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:22:46 PM |
as for the pity issue,,if someone told you,you was green every day,,,eventually you would believe you was green,,,now i believe all the above things i mentioned
If its not true, then don't have believe it regardless of how many times your told. Reminds me of the episode of Star Trek The Next Generation when Picard is being tortured and all he had to do to stop it was say there were 5 lights when there were only 4. Lol, sorry, the nerd in me creeping out. Anyway, you have to stay strong regardless of how many times you get burned.
at the end of the day nothing of this conversation really matters,,,i just needed,,,just for once to say how i feel and to voice my opinion,,,that in itself has given me hope
Yes, there is always hope. Always remember that when you are feeling low. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:28:48 PM | yawg i really do value your input
how many times do you get burned tho before you eventually figure out not to put your fingers somewhere hot
how many times do you have to feel ugly before you realise that other people see what you do
but anyway,,,i guess im so low,,,that i just cant get back up again just yet
so its time for a break,,,time to readjust and time to dust myself of
its just not that time to start again
thanks anyway
jasmine x | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 2:32:51 PM | Jasmine...sorry.
I couldn't help but think of this song, by Bonnie Tyler, when I read the title of your thread:
It's a heartache
Nothing but a heartache
Hits you when it's too late
Hits you when you're down
It's a fool's game
Nothing but a fool's game
Standing in the cold rain
Feeling like a clown.
It's a heartache
Nothing but a heartache.
Love him till your arms break
Then he lets you down.
It ain't right with love to share
When you find he doesn't care for you.
It ain't wise to need someone
As much as I depended on you.
It's a heartache
Nothing but a heartache | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:52:03 PM |
why do i feel that i am not worthy of been happy and feel that i really dont deserve to smile anymore?
Thats a question that only you can answer OP. There are many horrible people on here, but there are also many great people as well. Maybe you are trusting too soon and opening your heart up too fast. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:59:08 PM | You will find the right person, just give it time
I have been hurt a tad through these sites but, I just ignore them move on and keep looking.. 
Its all you can do  | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/17/2008 12:37:34 AM | Jasmine, may be this song by stevie wonder will help... I like the lyrics
A Place In The Sun
Like a long, lonely stream , I keep runnin' towards a dream
Movin' on, movin' on
Like a branch on a tree, I keep reachin' to be free
Movin' on, movin' on
'Cause there's a place in the sun, where there's hope for everyone
Where my poor restless heart's gotta run
There's a place in the sun and before my life is done
Got to find me a place in the sun | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:29:54 AM |
,why cant people just be who they say they are then there would be much less heartache,,,tears and pain
You must be the change you want to see in the world. Mahatma Gandhi | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:45:54 AM | You are not taking responsibility for things because you keep saying that this was something that was done to you. I lived with an abusive ***hole for 15 years and while I did rearrange my life to try to make sure that he had as little negative impact on me and my kids as possible, I never believed his bullshit in terms of my self-esteem.
The common denominator is you, who you attract and who you invite into your life. If you want a quality guy, get rid of the pic that makes it look like you are going to strip in five minutes and lay the guy. This is the primary pic that you hope to attract whom with? And also recognize that there are apparently guys that probably believe you are a full-time mother and willing to take whatever scraps they give you.
I got sick and almost died last year. The first month, I was pretty helpless and incredibly weak physically. Another two weeks I was starting to get my strength back when the charmer I had been seeing for more than six months discontinued contact. When he finally bothered to write a month later, he informed me that he had too much stress with his kid, his X, and his business and needed to simplify his life.
Do I think there is something wrong with me because he could not even bother to be a decent friend when I needed one most? Nope, I take responsibility for choosing the wrong person and continuing to believe that he was who he claimed to be despite the fact that before this huge debacle he had shown me that part of what I fell for was inaccurate persona.
You can either sit around and whine about your life or look at these relationships and figure out whether you need to change yourself to be someone that will attract the right kind of guy. If not, then you stop allowing other people to make you feel badly because you really believe that you are a good person, etc. | |
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| nothing but heartache
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:33:34 AM |
so why is it all i find is people who want to stomp on my feelings,let me down and squash every bit of self confidence i have
As soon as you understand are not them by YOU the one doing this to yourself the better... Anybody can make you feel unworthy or miserable if you don't allow them...
Change that attitude girl, take the control of your feelings in your hands!
Good luck | |
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