| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:04:55 PM | Okay. First lol Sorry about the first thread I wrote! I didn't know that topic has been brought up several times, but thanks for all the advice you guys :) Rather you know it or not, it actrually helped me!  I ended up telling my best friend that he wasn't going to "Get his cake and Eat it too". Lol so it all ended happy as well. But my next question is...My nephew lives with me lol He's 10, now he's asking me the question about "What's sex?". Er. So I decided to ask you guys, how did you hear about it? lol My parents told me the bird and the bees story..But it was weird talk that didn't make since at the time. I take care of him, and times like this, I need a guys point of view. Heh. Thanks for taking your time reading this, and for responses :)  | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:09:51 PM | Good for you op on the first post.
Now again not a guy here, but I'll throw it out there anyway.
Now days I think its wisest to just be honest and truthfull with you answers to questions he asks, because who knows what his friends are going to tell him.
Besides being honest with him now will maybe make it easier to come to you in the future if and when he needs more help. Kids are smart and know when your trying to sugar coat things. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 4:14:59 PM | Personally, I grew up in an ultra-religious household and didn't get any kind of sex talk from my parents. Instead I had to learn from what I overheard at school and by watching porn ... hmm, might explain a lot. 
Be honest and use charts, graphs and "visuals" if you have too. Much better he get that information from someone who cares about him rather then from a porno and then have false expectations the rest of his life. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:18:13 PM | This is something he should talk to his mother about. Unless he is in your care completely. Then you have a dirty job.
Be honest with the kid. Just think, you have a chance to forge a man's option about sex in the future. If you are going to talk about sex with the boy, then you need to put your beliefs behind you and tell the boy like it is. tell him about the good and bad parts of sex, what can happen and he must do if it does. There are dangers of having sex and he should know it. Also stress to him, any man can be a father to a baby. It takes a real man to be a daddy. Do not completely freak the boy out like some people try and do. Just be honest. If he asks a question, talk to him like you would any other adult. Do not try to belittle him.... even though he is little. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 7:47:21 PM | | I was told that girls have a rabid hamster in their pants and to stay the hell away from it. It worked for a while; scared me off. I was half way through puberty before I ventured to find out for myself. I had on my goalie mask, gloves and shin guards, and was ready with the stick. Of course it turned out to be safe but as a deterrent the story worked, at least for a while. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 8:07:16 PM | Give him a TV, my son is 11 and he knows more than me!
In a pinch just explain the French kiss and it should buy you some time. Keep the porn in the top draw till he is at least 12 and break it to him gently, don’t forget you are moulding a man. lol | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/16/2008 9:52:10 PM | Tell the boy he shouldn't ask you, but he can ask his family doctor.
Tell the boy's mom that he DID ask you and you referred him to his family doctor.
Let the mom handle it. Even benign help could be viewed as interference or contributing to delinquency of a minor.
Unless you are legally in custody, it's the mom's job. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:45:34 AM | If he's asking he already has some idea even if its distorted thinking. Ask him specific question as to what he wants to know and answer as simply and as honestly as you can without going into graphic detail or giving him more information tha he wants to know.
In other words....dont overload him with information..he's 10 simple honest answers will do. Sex is not a dirty word. Be loving and tell him its all about love when your ready for adult love.
Or go look for an age appropriate book and tell him after he reads it you will discuss it.
Good Luck | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:10:29 AM | | Ideally, his mom should answer. If you must, keep it simple. 'That's how adults make babies.' For heaven's sake don't go into detail, he'll be appalled. My 11 year old only let me tell her the minimum. My friend's son didn't even want to hear anything at all. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 8:41:58 AM | Your 10 year old nephew is asking about sex ?
Well don't give him any ! When he's old enough he can go out and try to get his own just like the rest of us !
In all seriousnous though, just tell him the truth. When a momma bird loves a daddy bee... etc., ... | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:28:19 AM | Buy him a copy of Dr. Tatina's Sex Advice to All Creation. Assuming he can read, the first part of it is about a female mantis "writing" in asking how to get her mate off her back (and why are there men in white coats watching them procreate?).
Sure not all species engage in cannibalism, but wouldn't it be fun to make a 10 year old think there is a chance he might get his head eaten if he isn't careful?
Just kidding (about using fear I mean). But the book is rather informative (not on the specifics of the act, just what the purpose is). It helps makes sex feel like less of a taboo topic because it talks about the different methods and strategies different species use and how they adapt to take further advantage of things.
As to how I heard about it. I don't remember, I don't think there was ever really a time I didn't know that babies came from "mommies" and that "daddies" played some sort of role (then I learned the specifics later on when I was 8 or 9 and again in elementary school). There was no talk of "birds" or "bees." No storks either.
As to my serious talk about me having sex, my older sister discussed it with me when I was 17. My parents decided to talk to me when I was 19 and returning home from my first year of college.
I guess it really comes down to whether your nephew is asking about sexual reproduction or sexual acts/sexuality. As one is a natural instinct (reproduction) and the other may merely be a way to show (extreme) affection while making oneself feel good. Sexual reproduction can be discussed scientifically, while sexuality (what it is, how to express it) is a much more confusing topic.
If I were giving a sexuality talk, I would probably strive to differentiate "love" and "sex." I imagine many people are emotionally scarred because they over associate the two. While I am not trying to advocate a "free sex" environment, but saying that sex should only happen when two people are in love can place a great deal of stress upon a young person. Feeling a need to be in love ruins a lot of people.
I am not sure if I am explaining right.
I would also include a discussion on masturbation in the discussion. As well as agreed upon protocol to do said masturbation (have a sign, or at least a lockable door! Maybe an agreement to walk loudly so that you don't walk in on him during "gentleman's time").
Hopefully I will figure out a better way to explain this before it is my turn to give the talk. All I know is that if I have daughters, they are not dating until they are (1) able to put a condom on a banana correctly (under pressure), (2) on birth control, (3) understand that men (if they are into men I mean) respond best and easiest to direct statements*, and (4) able to kick a man's butt (I want to know that my children can make "no" mean "you want me to break your other wrist?").
*Direct statements are, "I don't want to go any further than kissing today/tonight," instead of, "I think it is getting late."
-Blue
P.S.: No, my parents never referred to it as "gentleman's time" (it is actually an Angel TV series reference).
P.P.S.: I am going to be a horrible (read "onerous and doting") father. It will be fun.  | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 9:31:59 AM | I would start by talking about the procreation side of things. Then, if he continuous to be curious, you can speak about hormones, attraction, sexual activity without being explicit. Always talk about the risks.
I was 10 when we were going to talk about it in school. My parents used to watch what we were learning and they asked me questions when they knew we were having the subject in school. They always talked about unwanted pregnancies, STDs (aids was big news in those days), about being wise and no just doing it for fun, and about using condoms.
I firmly believe it was their input what made me into a sexually responsible person, and I cannot praise them enough for it.
It's good that your nephew trusts you enough to ask you about it, use that trust to educate him, it will be priceless for him. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/17/2008 10:06:04 AM | Unless you are the main caregiver, it's something his mom or dad need to answer, so just refer him to them.
If you're the main caregiver, first of all, the kid is asking for real answers, not for silly jokes. No vagina dentata or mantis religiosa references, that will only freak him out, or convince him that you're a moron who can't be trusted for a straight answer.
Then, answer his questions, one after one, with examples, good references and straight talk. Mix the physical and ethical parts of it, and ask him to explain you back to be sure that he understood.
Remember, he's gonna get his answers, whether you answer his questions or not. Therefore, it's better to get them from you than from a porn movie or from school mates. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/23/2008 6:16:08 AM | Just a quick warning folks.
He's 10. Thats only four years before he's physically capable of getting somebody pregnant. And the courts don't accept any excuses of juvenile ignornace when it comes to boys.
Time to really lay it on the line while you've got a chance. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/23/2008 10:22:28 AM | | My mom dropped a whole bunch of books in front of me and told me to read em. I think one book was on puberty, one on sex, one on what women's bodies go through during puberty until menopause, and one on safe sex. She did the same with my sisters when they got old enough too. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:10:39 AM | "Unless you are the main caregiver, it's something his mom or dad need to answer, so just refer him to them."
Not true, some kids are unable or uncomfortable talking to a parent about these things for all kinds of reasons. Why shouldn't he be able to go to a trusted adult to ask questions he might have? | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/23/2008 11:58:55 AM |
Sure not all species engage in cannibalism, but wouldn't it be fun to make a 10 year old think there is a chance he might get his head eaten if he isn't careful?
This would be much more effective than the whole "hellfire and brimstone" tactic used by most abstinence programs.
Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
At 10 years old your nephew is probably getting all his "sex ed information" in the schoolyard. You know what that means, right? That means a bunch of kids running around asking "Are you a virgin?" and then laughing no matter what the response is because nobody's quite sure what it means.
My advice to you is to give him answers if he ever asks you a specific question based on a crazy schoolyard rumor; e.g., "Auntie, Billy says that grown-ups stick their fingers up each others' noses and then the lady gets pregnant and shoots a baby out her nose. Am I really a snot baby?" How specific you want to make your answer is at your discretion. There's no right answer; kids learn eventually anyway. And you can always say "ask your teacher" and be done with it. | |
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| Okay, so my nephew lives with me and he's 10, he's asking about sex..
Posted: 5/23/2008 12:02:32 PM | Keep it age appropriate, but ask yourself this, is he really asking you, if you can understand what I mean by that. Also you must realise is he just asking you or everyone. If there is a trust base being formed between the two of you , you do know he will be asking many more questions .You must also understand in a few years he will probably be very embarrassed to ask these questions from an adult and will get all his info from school friends, teachers and forming his own thoughts and his own experiences which we all hope is the later.
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