| how to move on??
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:01:04 PM | i've been with the same man for 6 years have two kids with him and now the past year its all fallen apart. this man broke my heart like it has never been broken before so how do you move on from something that hurts so badly?
is it just time or another man help? and if time then how much time esp if hes moved on already?? | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:25:27 PM | Moving on means re-building your life without that person- which also means filling your life with new activities, friends and people in general. It takes a strong effort to look at what is available around you to do and to step out and make new acquaintences to begin to interact with. Sometimes it is easier if you do that around your childrens activities etc. Another man is not the answer, until you have given yourself time to get the "garbage" out and heal from the past relationship. Many churches have activities for children and singles activities to help pass the time during that healing process.
Get a spiritual friend who will pray for you and spend time with you or give you suggestions.
Best wishes- I will pray for you gwennaa.
Roni | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:27:27 PM | I was with a man for 15 years, this was my 3rd marriage. Pain no matter how heavy or bad is just like breaking your leg. It is all different for everyone. It will take time. Just because you do not see the wound does not mean it is not there. But YOU choose what to do with your pain. Only you will know when it is time to move on. Trust yourself. Take the time. Find what truly makes YOU happy. It may not come as soon as you want it to... but it will. Trust me, I found it, it was me! Even my children said they would rather see me happy than to be with someone who hurts me. I am sorry I did not find myself sooner. Don't be someones moon. Shine on your own.The light you give off will attract the perfect person to you. This may sound hokey... But I did not find happiness until I was honest with myself. You have to keep walking forward .  | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:28:40 PM | i've been with the same man for 6 years have two kids with him and now the past year its all fallen apart. this man broke my heart like it has never been broken before so how do you move on from something that hurts so badly? is it just time or another man help? and if time then how much time esp if hes moved on already?? - gwenaa
> The first thing I think you should do is wake up.
> The only person breaking your 'heart' is you. It is your thoughts and your thoughts alone that affect you. Your thoughts can make you feel like a queen or a slave. It is up to you.
> Next, realise that finding another man - even if he is a king - will not 'make' you happy. If you need some person, or some thing, outside of yourself to make you happy, you are asking for trouble with a capital T.
> I urge you to get your hands on a book called Awareness by the late Anthony de Mello. Once you have read it and absorbed its wisdom, you will never be a victim again, you will never have your heart broken again, and you will realise that happiness is, truly, an inside job. You will realise, too, how ridiculous the concept of having one's heart broken actually is. This kind of thinking belongs to the land of fairytales and dragons and screaming princesses in golden towers.
> Best wishes - Soul Union. | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/16/2008 10:29:22 PM | | thank you for that. i know i'm not ready to move on with another man at all just dont know if maybe going on a date might help me. but i really think finding other things to do with my time and meeting new people might just be what i really need. sometimes its just so hard to let go of something you've known for so long. | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/18/2008 7:22:25 AM | You have to heal yourself and expel all those "failure" thoughts and "I am not good enough" thoughts. You need to get over the anger, and it is there, some of us don't like it so we morph it into depression, thus the broken heart.
Face it, after what he did, do you feel the same about him? Of course not!!!
You have to recover, you are in charge of two kids who NEED YOU!
Join a group of people who are recovering, share stories, you will find that even with the pain you were comfortable with him because it felt familiar, not scary. And that is no reason to stay together! Life should be about smiling and joy and when you are happy you will attract a good man, not the other way around.
Many will support you and let you cry until you heal, look for them. | |
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| how to move on??
Posted: 5/18/2008 5:11:22 PM | i've been with the same man for 6 years have two kids with him and now the past year its all fallen apart. this man broke my heart like it has never been broken before so how do you move on from something that hurts so badly?
I had been in a 14 year relationship and when it ended, I decided although I knew I would be lonely, to take on some new interests. I joined a ladies bowling league and had an incredible time. I made some new friends, got a change of scene and got a little help on the way.
I knew if I sat in that apartment by myself I would go crazy. Two years later, I moved to a different place, got some new funiture, sorted thru stuff, and gave away some stuff that we used together.
My advice to you, hon, is the same, stay busy, take on some new interests, get some help, and make new friends. Take on a new hobby - or better yet rediscover the one you had several years back and put away. Volunteer - Lord knows we can always use another pair of hands.
Get a change of scene. If you can, move to a different place. Before you know it, you won't even be thinking of him. If you need to converse with him in reference to your kids, do it in a business-like manner and stick to the business at hand. Don't be too friendly, or talk to him about your private life as it is none of his business any longer.
I have recommended this before, but I think the faith-based group called divorce care would really, really help you. I don't know of your circumstances, but if you tap into http://www.divorcecare.org you can find a church or meeting site near you. My friend went to it and it really, really helped her. Where she went they had a 13 week continuous course , where they play the DVD of the topic of the week, and then the floor is open to those who need to talk. They also have daily emails to help and encourage you.
Yes the first year will be tough, which is why you need to get support and quickly. You need to have friends and family to help you through the tough times. As my friend told me - just keep putting one foot in front of the other. No matter what happens you will be okay. In time, you pain will diminish and you will see a stronger and more independent person emerging.
Good Luck and Keep on Keeping On. | |
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