| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:33:14 AM | | hi girls im so devastated with my marrige breakdown i was with my wife for 29 years im 44 years of age i feel so lonely now its been a year since split up and going through final stages of divorse i have tried so much on here to get with another girl and im not getting anywhere what so ever im a fun loving guy i treat women with respect and i love a good time i dont ask a lot of anyone anyway the point of this is i wish some woman would give me another chance as i said ive tried so hard on here without sucsess im so lonely and feel down a lot of the time u only live once i want to make the most of life and i feel without sharing my life with someone its just a waste please look at my profile and u never no what can happen all the best girls from noel my nick name is noel 1000 xx | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:47:20 AM | I didnt check you profile. In my mind it doesnt matter what it says, your not ready to date. You spent nearly 2/3 of yoru life with this woman and you need some time to adjust to being without hwer before you bring someone else into your life.
The key word in your post is "devastated". You didnt say you were devasted you say you are so devastated. Look no one expects you will ever forget this woman she was such a big part of your life. But you need to know that you can get up every morning and not expect her to be there before you bring someone else in your life. It would not be fair to you or anyone involved. You may have accomplished that in your mind....you need to be sure you have accomplished that in your heart.
Good Luck
EDIT.........OK If your going to post use proper grammer. Cps where necessary and periords at the end of a sentence. Also do that in your profile. Your 44 not 10 | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:53:23 AM | | hi thanks for replying i no what you are saying but i am ready to start another realationship i do want someone else in my life i no my marrige is over i no she does not want me its just the lonelyness i no i can please another and i am ready its been a year its a long time to be without your x perhaps its the way i put things maybe im not so good putting it into words anyway thanks xx | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:07:36 AM | | Ive met quite a few people off here,but no expert,tell people your divorced and thats it,,i know youve been married along time,but we all dont really need to know,,just start a fresh,,like a blank sheet mate,,,im sure that would put women off.....dont lie,just dont tell em. | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:09:01 AM | I agree with the other poster.
You are nowhere near ready for someone else.
I would maybe just look for friends but be upfront about your position. | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:09:29 AM | | sir it takes about - from 3 to 5 yrs to come out of a long term relationship as yours ! you need therapy - female freinds things to do tennis golf walk on the beach sitting home sulking you will never grow away or out of that space ! | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:17:24 AM | Maybe part of the problem is that you're looking for someone to 'fix' your loneliness?
Instead of approaching women with a full cup, and showing what you can offer to them, you're approaching with an empty cup and asking them to fill it up for you.
In your profile, you talk about anything will do, even if it's only a friend, 'anymore would be a lovely bonus'. Some people may view this as sounding a bit desperate (I'm sure that's not the case). Also, I don't think people need to know about your divorce on your profile - it's too early for people to read about that. They are likely to assume that you're still carrying a lot of baggage from your marriage.
What qualities do you have about you that make you a cool guy? There's not much on your profile that a woman could read and think 'he sounds interesting/funny/quirky/cool, I'll send him a message'. I think if you concentrate on your positive traits and leave out any negative stuff (your divorce, anything that sounds a bit desperate), you'll have a lot more success. | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:29:58 AM | I agree with Bad Boy, and also think you're not ready to date yet. Its a painful process getting over someone, but it sounds like youre looking for another person to fill a hole at the moment. Have you tried counselling? Try and fill your life with friends and new things youve always wanted to try.
Good luck! | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:30:54 AM | I'm sorry for the pain you're going through. To be with someone for 29 years is definately a LOOONG time! You may want to fill the void in your life with a woman yet you may NOT really be emotionally available for someone new.
Find some new hobbies- meet some new people- join some fun groups and get out and about. Work on yourself and making yourself happy... then you'll be ready to let someone in.
Most women aren't going to be overly excited to date someone that says they are divorced in one place and seperated in another.... Unemployed.... and can't spell restaurant. Could be a bit of an issue for some. | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:39:18 AM | Before you try dating again I would suggest you get over your spouse first.
Otherwise you will always be comparing the next girl to her.
Most ladies wont date a man who is separated and going through a divorce, often this is a re-bound thing.
Sorry for what you are going through but I believe 2/3rds of us here have been through it.
A broken heart takes time to heal. Take care of your self first and when the time comes and the right one comes along you will be ready to date. good luck, | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:40:10 AM | Rotten place to be Noel - lonely times are the reason most of us are here, I'm sure.
One thing that is really helping me through a similar time is to look at doing the things I enjoy doing, and enjoying them without feeling a need for female involvement to enhance it. For me that is mostly sailing at the moment, and this has led to meeting many wonderful people with similar passions.
i want to make the most of life and i feel without sharing my life with someone its just a waste
No way is living your life without sharing it with someone a waste mate. Lonely perhaps, but far from a waste. To fully share it in a romantic way with a lady takes the kind of self assurance that can only come from looking after yourself and developing a healthy set of interests that give you satisfaction and a sense of self-worth.
Women seem to have a sixth sense about needy blokes. Your post does come across as if you are trying a little hard to find a woman. A previous poster talked about ramping up your positives in your profile. That shouldn't be too hard if you are doing stuff you enjoy.
Have fun, and know you are not alone. (I'm not ready for a relationship yet - but get a LOT out of the forums.)
EDIT: ^^^^^ Lil Angel - maybe there should be a "rebound" category for the marital status! | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:40:41 AM | | after reading ur profile the fact that ur unemployed makes u not desirable...fix that | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:42:52 AM | | thanks to everyone that has replyied i weill try to take onboard what everyone has said thanks guys..... | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:47:30 AM | First of all you need to grieve and get through your divorce first. This takes time. You cant jump from one relationship to another. You need time to grieve and heal. Refind yourself and understand why your marriage failed. Take some time to do things you like. YOU DONT NEED anyone else to keep you from feeling lonely. You need to be content with being alone before the right person for you can come along. NO ONE wants someone who is needy or looking to jump into a relationship to keep from feeling lonely. Enjoy some time by youself. Its really not that bad. When things are meant to be they will happen. You know the harder you try to find someone the less likely you will be to find her. Its kinda crazy but when you least expect it the person for you will pop up. I know it sounds cliche but it is sooo true. Take it from someone who has walked many a day in your shoes. I am proof that if you just enjoy being by yourself and love who you are when the time is right that you will be rewarded.
Have fun, enjoy life and Do something YOU like to do.
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:04:50 PM | Darlin it sounds to me like you need time to heal still. Don't rush into a relationship because all you are going to do is confuse yourself and hurt the other woman.
I don't know everything, it's just a suggestion!
You'll heal, give it time
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 3:18:11 PM | Noel,
First, hang in there. Second, there is a lot of good advice from people who have been there so please do your best to take some of it. When we are in pain, its difficult to focus on what might be the best way to deal with it. I suggest starting with baby steps and try looking for friends only right now.
Good Luck!!! | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:22:07 PM | You have been on this site for a year now....yet..your emotions are still raw from your marital breakup. Lot's of threads on here about men who have a hard time adjusting to being single....on the other side. When a women does take interest...do you take her in your life then release her because of the deep seeded issues about women?
My advice is to be our own friend right now..find projects..self improvement activities..once the feeling of loneliness pass..you will be fine. | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 4:23:00 PM | I agree with everyone else. There is a grieving process after divorce. Although its been a year, you said it wasn't final yet. The pain will hit you again once the divorce papers are in your hand and then you'll need to let it out and cry.
Its going to take another year to get yourself ready to give of yourself to someone else. Don't be in a rush to do this or you'll end up even more alone than you are now. Find activities to keep you busy. Find male friends to hang out with. Do whatever it takes, so that by this time next year, you will be stronger, more focus and have the sense of character for a woman to love. If you choose to skips steps in your healing process, it can get ugly when you start dating someone.
So be patient, take a class that you never thought you would take, biology or science, something where you have to use 100% of your brain to concentrate on external issues instead of internal. Good Luck.
Paris | |
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| please help me girls
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:52:56 PM | You started dating her when you were 15? Give it some time, you are still not over her and it shows in every post. What woman would want to be with a man that's not over his Ex wife ? Get yourself some therapy, this will take time. Until you are 100% ready to put it behind you you cannot seriously date. Have a few fun little flings with girls that knows you are not interested in long term dating. nothing wrong with that as long as you are upfront and honst about it. But DO NOT discuss your Ex.
My BF still struggles with the guilt of his divorce and still hold a lot of anger towards his Ex cheating, it is almost too much for me to handle at times and they have not been physically together for 7 years. Don't do this to a partner it is devastating. | |
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