| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 5:40:52 PM | I'll try to keep this story as short as possible by only including stuff that I think is relevant. It's still kinda long, but you have to get the whole picture.
THURSDAY
A woman favorited me last Thursday, so I checked out her profile and responded to her. Her profile was sparse and I asked her to tell me more about herself. She replied with her Yahoo ID and we ended up chatting online for two hours that night. I thought she was very cool and ended up asking her out to lunch. She agreed and asked me to call her on Friday.
FRIDAY
So, I call her Friday morning before she goes to work (she worked late that day.) We had a very nice short conversation. We finalized our plans for Sunday and then she asked if she could call me after work. She called me when she got off work on Friday at 9:45 PM and we talked until midnight.
SATURDAY
I talked to her briefly Saturday morning via text message and then she called me during her lunch hour. Again, another very nice but short conversation. We seemed to be hitting it off VERY well.
SUNDAY
We meet for lunch. It was Mother's Day and she has three kids, so I got her some nice purple flowers. She loved them! We had a very nice lunch and continued to hit it off well. We seemed extremely comfortable around each other. I asked if she wanted to go for ice cream somewhere else and she agreed. While having some awesome ice cream she admitted that she had originally come to PoF just for fun to do a search. She didn't even have a profile yet. She liked my profile so much that she quickly created one just to contact me. She left her profile unsearchable.
We sat around at the ice cream shop outside on a loveseat sort of thing and talked for a while. I was *really* starting to like this woman and she really seemed to be into me. She said multiple times how happy she was and how great of a day she was having. We ended up holding hands and then kissing. The kisses were absolutely dynamite. We're talking electrical, and I don't mean in a violent sort of way. There were just sparks like you wouldn't believe. Definitely made my heart thump. :)
We left there to take a walk in a park down the street. We ended the date by walking through the park holding hands and kissing some more. It was absolutely fantastic!
She IMed me later that night and continued to say how great of a time she had and how great of a kisser I was. She even mentioned that she melted when I kissed her. Honestly, I did, too.
MONDAY
I send her a text message when she should have been off work. She never responded to it. She IMs me later that night and we have a nice short conversation. She agreed with me that we needed to kiss more, and she agreed when I said that I hoped we could have more long walks together sometime.
TUESDAY
Send her a text message when she should have been off work. No response. I notice that she was logged into PoF later that night but she never signed into IM to say hello. Weird. I also noticed that she now had three people favoriting her, which means that she would have to have contacted them. Remember, she is unsearchable. I send her two emails, very nice.
WEDNESDAY
I notice in the morning that my emails have been read and deleted. Very weird! I can't comprehend this behavior at all. It's like she went from totally into me to running away in one day. I ran this past some co-workers and friends and none of them could really explain this behavior.
THURSDAY
In the morning, I send one last email asking her to at least tell me what's going on. I believe in honest and open communication, so if she doesn't want to see me, all she has to do is let me know. I mention that I don't understand how we could go from talking a LOT to zero communication so fast. I see later that she has read the email and does not delete it. A little while later, I get a regular email from her main email account saying that she was not ignoring me and that she thinks her ex-husband has somehow got her password to PoF and maybe even her Yahoo account. She says she never saw the two emails I had sent on Tuesday. Based on some other details I won't share here, this actually sounds somewhat plausible. On the phone, she sounds like she's still totally into me. She does mention at that point that she'll probably just delete her PoF profile since she doesn't really want it.
I offer to come over on Saturday night to make sure her PC is clean. I suspect that her ex may have planted a key logger or something like that on the PC and is stealing her passwords that way. I jokingly say that I will do it for free, then change my mind and say that I think I'm going to charge her a kiss for it. She laughs and said that would be no problem. Then I say that if it takes a really long time, it's going to have to be a great kiss. Again, she says no problem!
FRIDAY
We have a short txt conversation over the phone in the morning. She seems very responsive and into me. I send her a text message Friday night and asked her to call me when she got a chance. I wanted to finalize plans for Saturday night. I even say that it's okay to call if it's late. She never calls.
SATURDAY (today)
Still no call by late morning. I call her and leave a voice message (in case she didn't get the previous text message from Friday.) I ask her to call me to finalize our plans. I mention that today is my birthday and it would be a nice birthday present to see her again. This message was left around 10:30 AM. I had mentioned twice to her that I would have a few hours available tonight without my kids, beginning around 5:00 PM.
It's 6:35 PM right now and she still has not called, even to say that it's not doable tonight.
So, what's the deal? She does have a psycho ex-husband to deal with, apparently, and she also has three teenage daughters with her. She has had multiple opportunities to tell me she isn't interested if that were the case. Whenever we talk, whether via text, phone or IM, she seems *totally* into me. But I now have a grand total of three text messages that she hasn't responded to, and now a voicemail that was left nine hours ago. I have a hard time believing that she hasn't listened to it by now.
I think I'm probably jumping the gun a bit and there is a perfectly good explanation for this. But if the roles were reversed, I would absolutely return a time-sensitive voicemail. And if someone I liked asked me to call them, I would.
I thought I'd check to see if she had logged in here but she did, in fact, delete her PoF profile.
Do I just need to chill the hell out and be patient, or does this seem strange to you, as well?
Thanks! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:00:05 PM | I don't know either of you, so it's purely speculation on my part, but it sounds to me -- an outsider -- that she likes you, likes the attention, and likes you continually chasing her.
In any event, happy birthday. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:00:33 PM |
Weird. I also noticed that she now had three people favoriting her, which means that she would have to have contacted them. Remember, she is unsearchable. I send her two emails, very nice.
First of all, people that add you to their favorites do it without your conscent and if you don't delete them, they stay on there until you do. It doesnt' mean she's contacted them. If somebody puts me on their favorites and doesn't contact me I usually will delete them. Why would anyone put somebody on their favorites and NOT contact them. I have only (2) people on my favorites and neither has contacted me. I only left them there because they are cute and I wanted it to seem like I had "somebody" interested in "me"...LOL....Personally, I would have deleted them but I thought, oh, what the heck,,I'll leave em until I find somebody that really does want to be with "me".
Anyway, back to my point...Don't assume that, because it may "not" be true.
It does sound like she's in a tough situation and wants to get out of it. It's hard to be "married" (which is sounds like she is) and and she wants to have some fun too.
She didn't break "all" ties before she joined a dating site and is new to it all and may just be getting her feet wet. You sound like a good man with a good heart. If you want to pursue her, you'll have to put up w/her jealous husband and then you may end up getting hurt because she may just want to "cheat" on him and my just be using you too.
So, not really know what more to say or what advise to give. All I can say is: Be careful, tread very carefully. Good luck to you......
P.S.-->>Sorry, just one more thing...There are kids involved, and just remember the kids are getting hurt much more than you/her are. The kids are the ones that suffer the most w/parents going through divorce or one parent or the other is "cheating" or whatever the case may be. Ask yourself: Do you really want to involve your "own" kids in that kid of a situation that may put them at "risk"? | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:01:17 PM | It seems strange. I don't know what she's doing or why, any more than you do. But it seems pretty clear you're more into her than she is into you.
My advice? Don't put all your eggs in one basket, at least not in the first few days of meeting someone. Also I notice you have your age settings so only women younger than you can contact you. Maybe you should consider going out with someone your own age, who isn't into all this weird...playing around.
Edit: If she has three kids, what was she doing all alone on Mother's Day? | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:12:24 PM | When we're talking, though, she seems completely in to me. And I mean *really* into me. And I don't get the vibe that she's faking it. She certainly could be, though. It's hard to say.
And she's also 34 and she seemed to be out of the game-playing stage.
Then again, this intermittent lack of communication might just be the way she is. It's too hard to say. We've only known each other for a week. I only know about 0.01% of her life. There might be a lot of other stuff going on that is legitimately keeping her busy.
On the other hand, how hard is it to send a quick text message in reply? | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:16:28 PM | First of all Happy Birthday OP!!! Don't let 'her' ruin your bday!!
Here are my thoughts:
1- she's married and you don't know it
2- as previously stated you clearly are more into her than she is into you
3- she's a player...and you are here 'incase theres nothing better to do' guy
4- she's just a psycho that likes to play games
5- she lost her phone, is busy with work and kids and really wants to get together but has no way to contact you (ya right, but sounded good)
And just because her profile is deleted doesn't mean she's not on POF...she could have very easily created another one...i'm just saying.
Sorry, hope this didn't bum you out on your b-day and all but i'm all about the candor.
take care and good luck to you! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:22:08 PM | | Also, because she was unsearchable, the only way she could have been favorited by someone else is if she contacted the first. However, she's saying that this was her ex-husband's doing, not hers. She said that she doesn't even want her PoF profile, which seems to be the case since she deleted it. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:24:34 PM | If you have to question someone's behavior....it's just time to let it go IMO.
Humans are strange critters at times... or so it would seem but there's always a reason why they do things. Personally, I don't have the patience to have to sift through what was said and done and try to figure out why if it doesn't seem to "make sense".
By that time, I've usually lost all interest anyway. 
For a more direct answer to your question I don't think you're either. You just don't know how to respond to behavior that appears to be (meaning probably IS) illlogical and inconsistent. Noone does...I would just carry on and forget about it.
If she does contact you at some future point in time, it's okay to listen, but don't let her talk you into some outlandish "excuse" that doesn't pass your BS meter test. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:30:29 PM |
She said that she doesn't even want her PoF profile, which seems to be the case since she deleted it.
She's deleted it because she either got caught or was just too scared to leave it up for fear her husband might use it "against" her to try and get her kids. I'm sure it's hard to date while you have kids and if she's in divorce court, that could be a manipulating factor in her husband's favor.
Either way-->>I ask again. Do you really want to pursue this? My suggestion: Move on.
Stick with somebody with "less" baggage. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:31:36 PM | | Give her your email, and your phone number. Give it to her verbally, make her write it down. Then, smile, nod, and walk away. If she's into games and not into you, that'll be the end of things, lesson learned, move on. Otherwise, be honest and open and let her do the same, but for a while, you're entitled to some convincing of her intentions, and it's not fair to ask for that. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:31:39 PM |
First of all Happy Birthday OP!!! Don't let 'her' ruin your bday!!
Here are my thoughts:
1- she's married and you don't know it
Yeah I'm 'seconding' that statement. Hate to be the one to tell you. Ask her point blank. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:41:41 PM |
1- she's married and you don't know it
You might be right. It could be that it's not her ex-husband that got into her account. Maybe it was her current husband. Wow.... I honestly didn't get that vibe at all, though. Her story is that she got divorced almost a year ago.
I'm usually very good at reading people in person. She didn't strike me as lying or as a player at all. I tend to be pretty good at reading eyes and body language and that sort of thing. If she's a player, she's a variety that I've never encountered before. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:43:39 PM | Nelby...you're a handsome man and articulate...caring...a real "catch". Enjoy your birthday...forgeddabout it. Be patient in time someone that is deserving will appreciate you. When noone can say...but (the smart) women know a good thing when they find it. Have faith, keep your chin up!! And don't ever give the time of day to a woman that wants to screw with your head. They're NOT worth it!!
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 6:58:55 PM | I think you're being impatient. :) She's got a lot of stuff going on. It can be hard when you're in that fresh, excited stage, but you've got to give her time. Also, from her repeated hints at her discomfort at having an online profile (saying she didn't have one initially, saying she'd rather take hers down), it's possible she gets slightly wigged from time to time about whatever's developing between you two.
Give it time.
PS. It's my birthday too. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:08:04 PM | Wow, and I thought women were the only ones that overanaylzed!! 
Just enjoy your birthday..She sounds interested. You have had LOTS of contact in a short time, but it might not always continue to be able to be that frequent. I am usually not the betting kind but I bet by the time tomorrow rolls around you will have an answer one way or the other of what is going on...
Happy Birthday to OP and AT!! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:17:37 PM | | I definitely over-analyze stuff like this! I'm told that quite frequently. :-) I try not to, and I'm getting better, but it's a tough habit to break. I just can't get my left-brain to shut up. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:36:18 PM | It's been less than 2 weeks?
I only go out about once a week when I'm dating, twice a week would be a lot, unless we really, really clicked. Maybe you're coming on too strong, too soon. That would disturb me, and I'm usually imperturbable. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:36:28 PM | | Okay, maybe not stupid, but gullible. I'm beginning to lean toward her being married. That makes a lot more sense. Her story about the ex-husband getting into her accounts isn't nearly as plausible as a current husband stumbling upon her accounts. | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:40:37 PM |
Okay, maybe not stupid, but gullible. I'm beginning to lean toward her being married
It happens to the best of us...and at least if that is the case, better you find out now than later..Just a hint..You can search your counties judicial website and it lists divorce filings. Would not give you all the answers, but if she claims her divorce is final and has never filed, then something is off, ya know! | |
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| I'm stumped...am I being stupid or just impatient?
Posted: 5/17/2008 7:41:28 PM | Poster, there is a reason she did what she did...but you can think and think and think about it and you still won't get any closer to the answer. Just let it be.... :)
Keep fishin'
And Happy Birthday! | |
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