| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:05:04 AM | I'd like to think I've lived a pretty fulfilling life thus far. I've been married once, have a great 16 year old son, had relationships thru the years, and done lots of dating. From the relationships you can remember the good things and from the dating experiences you can learn alot. I've had a pretty fulfilling sex life thru the years...it's not been a problem....Finding Mr Right can be a long search however...Is it too much to want the whole package? I still want it. The handsome guy with his life together. The guy that has a great deal of self control in his sex life. He's not desperately oggling all the ladies naughty pics b/c come on let's face it....he's smart and knows how to treat a lady...so he's had no shortage of sex in his life thru the years and he don't treat the ladies like an object...Sex is not a problem with him either...He knows why his relationships may have ended and doesn't hold bitterness...he's not desperately insecure and thinks all ladies cheat b/c that one lady did....He' s intelligent and sexy....He's sowed his wild oats and I have too we are looking to settle down together....He's not just suddenly coming alive at the age of 40 and suddenly trying to make up for lost time in his sex life and ditching his leash from his collar....He's had relationships of mutual respect....He's satisfied...He's got his act together....He may or may not be rich. The main thing is he takes pride in what he does and does his best at his occupation....He's very confident....Let's not forget he loves his mom and respects her alot...but he's a big boy now...lol...and she's proud of him...I'm hoping he will bump into me somehow ; somewhere....Don't we all
Is my dream guy too big a fantasy? Isn't it good to have an image of what you want? | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:35:05 AM | It's one thing, and all well and good, to have a fantasy that expresses what you most admire and desire. That's a lovely thought and a work of art. But outside your own mind in the wilds of reality are men whose lives are not fashioned to suit your fantasy. They will match somewhat but in other ways make you curse and spit. Remember that the men you meet likewise have a fantasy woman, and your chances of resembling her are inversely proportional to the distance from which you are seen.
The problem women have, some, is that they love the image of what they want, and then real men can only disappoint. I like to have a fantasy because it is fun to fantasize. But I know better than to waste time spent with any real woman I am with. I do not compare her to my fantasy, I enjoy the way she happens to be. I find that nothing beats the real, even with flaws and problems. There is more that is enjoyable about any woman than I could dream up anything better. I just need to be in the frame of mind to see what is good about her. I can do that if she allows it. Mostly though she would not want me to, because I do not bear any resemblance to her ideal of the whole package. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 10:35:52 AM | | That's quite a long laundry list... What can you give to this fantasy man to make it worth for him to choose you instead of all those younger, prettier, slimmer, richer, smarter, women he can get with all those qualities he has? | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 11:45:35 AM | | OP What if you meet a man who meets all of your criteria but yu do not meet his criteria? What if you never meet a man who meets all of your criteria? In reality no one is perfect and you may meet a nice guy who meets some or most of your criteria. Would you give men like that a chance? | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:10:42 PM | Jade ~
It's not at all impossible to run into a man like that.....but consider this:
The man you described is pretty much @ the top of his game as far as possesing qualities that will attract a very wide range of women, not only age & looks wise, but also all across the socio-economic spectrum. In other words he IS 'The Whole Package" in terms of what a WIDE range of women want in a man. A 28 yr old grad student might seriously consider an LTR w/ him...as might a 58 yr old CEO.
Since he IS that package that so many women desire, he equally gets to date what HE sees as the whole package in a woman. What do you think that "Whole Package" woman would be like....viewed from the standpoint of the man you describe?
Both men and women should probably be VERY careful to select a 'perfect' mate while @ the TOP of their respective attractiveness levels to the opposite sex. Because you will NEVER have that level of 'universal' appeal again in your life.
Consequently, we may have to modify our definition of that whole package concept a bit.....OR be prepared to spend quite a bit of time and effort in our search.
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:13:28 PM | Oh he don't have to have hot movie star looks...just be sexy and intelligent and confident...Intelligence is our strongest bond...having a lil sex appeal is necessary
Come on guys....Aren't the ladies entitle to an ideal sterotype or dreams too...guys do it all the time...have impossible laundry list for ladies...expecting us to be sweet ALL the time tending to their needs while we are exhausted from working , tending to the kids, and the home? | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:20:25 PM | Beauty is in the eye of the beholder Jade.... I am sure I am someone's total package. The key to any woman is to make her smile/laugh, be honest, listen and put the dang seat down!  | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:28:16 PM | | Way ta go BanksDog14 ....you gotta believe you are somebody's package too...confidence and believing in urself is essential.... I don't think we get to a level of confidence by tearing anyone else down, but by helping to build each other up until mr or ms right comes along... | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:33:55 PM | Come on guys....Aren't the ladies entitle to an ideal sterotype or dreams too
Of course you are, Jade!
The sticky part is when we desire those dreams to manifest into reality in such a rigid fashion that it precludes us from accepting a very reasonable compromise.
I have a good friend that will probably always be single, because the '23 yr old hardbodies' image that he clings to has a VERY slim chance of becoming reality anytime soon. Meanwhile, very nice, super attractive women closer to our own age have bemoaned the fact that he is 'unavailable'.
He even KNOWS his 'image' is unreasonable, yet in unwilling to alter it.
Dreams are fun.....but how often have you 'bumped into' one in real life?
PS: I'm in NO way tring to tear you down....you seem like an absolute sweetie. Hope you find that dream soon! | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:39:34 PM | | I am a forty year old woman... and although you have high expectations, if that is what you are looking for....stand your ground. You may have to give a lot bit...but you must look at yourself and recognize "we all have faults". You must pick and choose what faults you are willing to live with....and what faults you are not willing to live with..... | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 12:49:21 PM | | Reading back...I ment to say a "little bit"...... | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 1:50:40 PM | I think there are both men and women out there like that... Just goto to know where to find them....
when I was in the dating scene I dated alot from the other big online dating site.... I met alot of women that had their act together. Also met alot of womwn coming out of bad marriages and jus twanted t have fun (a fling), met women who really were havinga hard time figuring it out.... And I have alot of guy friends who are the same way
I think there are all kind of folks out there.... I think you have to selective in what you want; particularly on dating sites. Nice thing is you can you your own searches.... set your own perameters about what you are looking for.... That helps to a degree.... but in the end you have to wear you "dating kevlar" and realize you will kiss a bunch of frogs before you meet the prince
DK | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 2:21:14 PM | OP...it isn't too much to expect.
It takes time to find is all.
I recently met that guy you describe..in your opening post.
I'm happy just now....we'll see how it goes..
But so far....all is good. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/18/2008 9:02:46 PM | jadegreen wrote:
Is my dream guy too big a fantasy? Isn't it good to have an image of what you want?
The bar is pretty high, but I think he exists. Problem is, he's maybe taken?
What I find great about your posting is that you described what you're looking for. Why don't more women write smart stuff like that in their profiles?!
Cliché stuff like "the whole package" is too vague, but you described the image well and I think you should put it in your profile. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:04:27 AM | "Come on guys....Aren't the ladies entitle to an ideal sterotype or dreams too...guys do it all the time...have impossible laundry list for ladies...expecting us to be sweet ALL the time tending to their needs while we are exhausted from working , tending to the kids, and the home?"
Yes... but most can tell the difference between fantasy and reality. Furthermore, If you convince yourself that you can only be with ONE type of man and has to meet some long arbitrary checklist of qualifications good luck in your search you're gonna need it.
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:26:48 AM | I want someone who likes me, is nice to me, and likes sex. She should be into having fun and like riding the motorcycle.
In my package she is anyone who fits in doing the things I like to do. It's like if I was looking for a person to play cards with, they should like to play cards. And not throw stuff if they lose, and not have their brother bring all my stuff over to my parent's house and leave it in the yard.
But I don't have an ideal of who they are or what they look like or any of it. I just want someone who likes to do certain things, so we can do them together. The things I like about women, every woman has.
I like to feel fond of a woman. I can do that with any woman who is not hostile towards me.
I like to have a fun and affectionate back and forth with a woman, which is how we get along and play. I can do that with any woman who is happy enough to have fun.
I like to sleep together at night. I can do that with any woman who doesn't kick at me or snore too loud.
I like to make love. I can do that with any woman who can yell "Do me!" in German. Most can learn.
I like to ride the bike. She would have to be small enough to fit on the bike, and not have spasms that would knock us over, and her tits would have to be small enough so I wasn't pushed forwards over the gas tank. Hey, I've seen some pictures...
I like to plan ahead and set goals and work together. She would have to like doing that.
I like to wander around aimlessly having minor adventures. She would have to like doing that.
I like being with someone whose heart is playing the music of life, with all its joys and sorrows. She would have to have patience for when I got smarmy.
It's all about what we would do together. I couldn't picture her in my mind's eye. I wouldn't know her except by if when we met and we looked in each others eyes, it felt right and we kept looking back to see more.
Online all I have to go by is does she seem like she is happy, and approachable, and not too picky about looks. That's not a package so much as a few odds and ends. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:52:54 AM | Zain. wrote:
If you convince yourself that you can only be with ONE type of man and has to meet some long arbitrary checklist of qualifications good luck in your search you're gonna need it. I agree with you, except that the OP's list doesn't seem arbitrary to me. It sounds like she has thought a lot about it.
I have a list of things on my profile, and it's also far from arbitrary. That list has come from experiences with past relationships and deciding what worked and what didn't (and maybe from some self-help books, e.g., Emotional Intelligence, Road Less Traveled, and discussions with mentors, therapists, etc.).
eHarmony's process calls the list "must haves" and "can't stands" ... they have a predefined global set of traits, and you choose from them. The things that are not on either list are the swimming room for your fish.  | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:24:57 AM | | Everyone should want the whole package! He is not a fantasy. I totally agree with u. I am waiting for him. Knowing what u want is great. We get rid of guys that don't have those qualities. Shows we are not desparate to hang on to what ever comes our way. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 11:36:31 AM | Maybe more need to work on being what they are looking for instead of looking for something that they just might not be.....
To many have a wish list for the ones they want to meet and have a relationship with, but their own list can be quite short compared to what you are looking for.....
OT......Packages come is all sizes, shapes and condition, and more important than anything else, is how YOU pack it...... If people would worry more about their own package and what size it is, what shape it is in, and the overall condition of it, they would have less issues and problems searching and fitting with packages they so desire and wish for.
Just my opinion.......   | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:53:42 PM | Hey, Mr. Internet, I know I am not what would fit your whole package deal...but I have to just say some of the things you write just make me laugh!  | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 12:56:53 PM | Perhaps if more of us just loved and accepted who WE ARE...in all areas...then perhaps someone would come along who makes us smile.....with a lot of the same likes in life....
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:21:40 PM | Whoissue wrote
Hey, Mr. Internet, I know I am not what would fit your whole package deal...but I have to just say some of the things you write just make me laugh! At least Mr. Internet is attempting to be honest!
We can tell a lot about people when we see what is important to them. You could tell right away that you didn't fit.
Fishes that describe only themselves on their profile are not giving a big enough picture. Some say they are egocentric. 
Perhaps if more of us just loved and accepted who WE ARE...in all areas...then perhaps someone would come along who makes us smile.....with a lot of the same likes in life.... Accepting who we are is also identifying what it is we want. I agree that we have to be confident to attract confident people. But even people who are mutually self-confident are not necessarily attracted to each other or compatible for the long term. Do you really think people will just "show up" with the same likes? | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:24:05 PM | Oh! I like Mr. Internet's honesty! I have read some of his other postings...I love his humor, maybe I should have clarified that better. But from what he shared, I know that I would not fit what he is looking for...and that is okay. I was giving him a compliment when I said he makes me laugh(cause I like his humor)
DiveFree, no, I do not think people with the same likes will just "show up" but the chances of a person meeting another like soul could be higher....if I went to a few places that I like to hang out, doing so routinely, and putting forth the real me in a positive mode(which I usually am..I hope)...what are the chances of me attracting someone(or a few) who could very well click with me?
It's about: choice(action) + timing =outcomes to a person's benefit.
At least that is my take on it. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:56:14 PM | WhaT? Oh, I know which post you meant. The walrus. You wouldn't have to. We were just friends. I wasn't even there.
Rats. I blew it. | |
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| The whole package
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:03:57 PM | It's great to have a general idea of what you want. You have a very specific idea so be careful that your fantasy is attainable or it will always be a fantasy and you will always be disappointed when no one can live up to it. Like any other fantasy, it shouldn't intrude so much into the real world that you can't live in it.
The odds of finding all the things you listed specifically are incredibly low. It's not that he doesn't exist. It's that he likely has what he wants already and no shortages of opportunities to find it if he doesn't.
Hahaha.. your whole package is much, much different than mine. Which is excellent because if we all wanted the same thing we would all be SOL. | |
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