| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:56:22 AM | I have been reading and adding to some of the current threads at the moment and it appears that some people are stating that they hardly ever or never even, go on dates, even though they have been on this dating site for a while. I was just interested in knowing why people DON'T go on dates?
Is it because you have become cynical and disillusioned with being on a dating site and having met the wrong type of people?
Or is it because you don't even meet the right type of people to even consider meeting for a date?
I have been criticised (and possibly fairly so) for being selective but even in the limited times I have been on internet dating, I have been on many dates. Not that any really have worked out, but they have still been dates!! 
I was just wondering why some of you don't date yet you are on a dating site? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:07:21 AM | | For me, at first, as it states on my profile I am looking for friends. I stumbled on this site by accident. Now it is that I don't get asked, the only kind of things I have been offered are "so can I come over?" I am not interested in a quick r**t. The third factor is my lack of time as I am a fulltime working single mother , I am also doing my cert III in childrens services and I do not have every second weekend to myself as some other single mothers do. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:11:54 AM | lol much the same reason as Mainey - I'm not working full time tho.
I have only had contact form people who I dont feel comfortable with - either their too pushy, weird to me or just want the QF. At this point in life I'd rather go without and create wonderful realtionships (friends or more). | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:20:07 AM | Simple answer.
No one wants to.
Though in actual fact I've been on dates in the recent past that were so hideous that fleeing in terror from the potential of another one would be justifiable. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:38:51 AM | LnL I say be selective because if you settle you will end up back here .You and only you know what you want ,
I have been on a few coffee dates and they just weren't right .
I enjoy meeting people in groups it seems to take the pressure off .Just my opinion.
I am happy in my own skin so keh serah .If its gonna happen it will . | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:00:54 AM | i dont have any dating experience id say..... i went on 2 at age 16 both arranged,... i didnt want to be on either...
most guys ive been in a relo with.... ive met .. as friends ..spent time with them/others.. got to know them.....
its the only way i know how...
on here ... i was hoping to meet new people...get out more... fun days....
but quickly read forums and realised... mate.. this is way more complicated than i could envision...
and everyones different agendas/expectations.... well. are different to mine...(besides im a smoker... a social leper.. and theres just noway i could kiss a nonsmoker...lol...)
id be pretty shy meeting a stranger as a date...... like others have mentioned....the pressure..
ive met bewitched.... that was cool... (wasnt a date though)... if so she owes me flowers
i met a guy locally recently (eyes met across the crowded room... yadda ...yadda)... though... so although we had an instant connection... (this net thing ... ive not had any connection... as in romantic.... nice friendships though)... neither of us see it as a relationship thing. but fun to explore... .. i just know how few people i connect with and my friend tells me i wont on pc..b/c its all about smell...lol...the nose..
if people were coming here anyway... id probably meet.. as long as its not a date....
besides that no local guys contact me....
smiles/peace | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:08:41 AM | | I'm too far away from most here to 'date'... is usually at least a 400 km drive north or south...so TheFishyPlace is mostly a fun distraction for me... not much happens here once the sun sets, beats buying a telly. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:33:50 AM | I find it a lot less stressful to just leave it up to fate and so i just see this site as mainly a means of social interaction.
I don't know how Soulmate uses her sense of smell to date, because i was in her area on Sunday and all i could smell was the greenery! | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:14:48 AM | Well, L&L... I figure I just have to chime in here, and reassure you that someone in this dull ol' leper filled fish colony does actually get out, meet people one on one, and enjoy dates!
ME!
Oh, and I am a single mum, work full-time shiftwork, and am continuing part-time study after finishing full-time study at uni! I get two rostered nights off a week (which more often than not, becomes one) and I have fun with my time off.
Dating is pretty darn cool. I have made a lot of really great friends on here. Male and Female.... mostly male, but that's my preference. Actually, truth be known, I have met some absolutely gorgeous guys and some sweet, sweeeeeet hearts on here, and a couple of funky chicks I love laughing with.
The guys I have decided (over time, of course) that I DON"T date include:
- Guys who find it difficult to laugh before taking offense.
- Guys who are recently out of long relationships.
- Guys who make it quite clear they want a live-in girl or someone to play wifey
- Guys who open with "Have you got any more pics?" or "Have you got a cam?"
- Guys who need a lot of reassurance and reminders that they are great
- Guys who want a riding buddy because they think it will be cool. (If I wanted a riding buddy, I'd buy a second bike and ask a female friend to come out for the day)
- Guys who aren't prepared to chat online for a while, so I can work the above things out, before they insist on hassling me to meet up.
And before some twat pops up with the eternal question: "Why are you still single if you have met so many nice guys?" I haven't been single the whole time I have been on POF. There have been times I changed my seeking category to Friends, because I was seeing someone regularly or felt attracted to someone and was just emotionally unavailable. That's my interpretation of Seeking Friends, and I imagine that is why someone who has it will not get matched with those who choose the Seeking Dating option.
I am dating now, and enjoying every minute of it. I won't settle for a half as*ed personal relationship, but that doesn't mean I'm scared to explore one, and appreciate people as friends. How do I know it's half as*ed, if I don't at least check it out? I figure dating is just meeting people really... setting a date, getting together for a laugh, and seeing if you want to keep laughing with that person and explore a little more of the other persons life, likes, and lessons.
It's good fun. Get out there. Enjoy it!
...sure beats sitting around, getting caught up in forum phonetics...
P.S I just got home from one, so forgive me if I've got that 'glow'... lol | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:25:03 AM | I didn't know dating sites were about dating. Thought they were more about whining about our own idiosyncrasies to the tiny piece of the world that listens.
I figure I just have to chime in here, and reassure you that someone in this dull ol' leper filled fish colony does actually get out, meet people one on one, and enjoy dates!
Nicely said and true too. 'Nuthin happens, ~~~ABSOLUTELY NOTHING~~~ without us making it so. Beam me up Scotty.
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 1:51:15 PM | Have only been on one date from the internet and she turned out to be completely different, actually opposite of what she had posted about herself. Ran into her again on Halloween and she was dressed as a witch. She went to the bathroom with a friend and never came out. Spooky.
I did meet a great woman who's a professional violinist on Craigs List in the music section. Trying to get her to play on my next CD. She's into networking which is why she was on there.
Cynical and disillusioned is a good question. Probably. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 2:44:00 PM |
I was just wondering why some of you don't date yet you are on a dating site?
Hmmmm....good question, and I think we all have very similar answers once you get down to the bare bones.
For me, I joined originally after a very muddled, painful, accidental break-up, thinking I was going to date and move on, you know, the cover-up date thing - fake it till ya make it. Get over one by getting another one. But that's really not me, and until I have worked thru the stuff from the last r/ship, it isn't fair to anyone to start another.
I found a group of people who made me laugh, and cry, and THINK. PoF is my night at the club - when I'm not actually at the club! There are people here I would go on a date with in a heartbeat...if I lived close. Just cos if they are so amusing on-line, they might be in r/l.
In another thread, Kobalt said something that twigged with me and it was regarding personal safety, and getting to know people a little before you actually go out (I think). For me it is a case of I can flirt, laugh, make people laugh, and practise communicating without any fear of being hit on in reality. I get an idea of what someone thinks first. I like that.
Soulmate....I haven't got any flowers for you....but....the cheque's in the mail | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:14:43 PM | I agree with what you say debnco, ie
LnL I say be selective because if you settle you will end up back here .You and only you know what you want ,
I have been on a few coffee dates and they just weren't right
but I was starting to think that I may be being too selective because over the 3 or 4 times that I have been on the dating sites, I have met about 35 guys now in person and have only been attracted enough to 2 of them to agree to a second date with them. A few others I thought I would agree and try to see if I liked them any more by meeting them again but my first impressions were true and there was just no attraction for me. Some people say that it's stupid to base your first impression on the first meeting but for me, that usually holds true and no matter how many times I may see that person, if the sparks or chemistry aren't there in the first place, they don't seem to happen later either. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 9:08:40 PM | I guess we all go through different phases in our lives.
When i was younger i thought that life couldnt be complete until i found the 'perfect' girl . . . i was looking for perfect harmony between two people.
Only later in life i realised how ill equipped i was psychologically to be in a relationship with anybody.
I did really well in friendships though, and even today i make friends for life but i suck at the 'relationship' thing.
However, my friendships are better than many couples relationships i noticed.
The only thing thats missing is exclusivity, but that is overrated anyway - because if you look at it closely (and you are honest) its more of an ideal than reality in all of our lives.
I find it a lot easier to initiate non-platonic relationships from real life encounters with girls than on line.
And i am content with my life as it is, so i am not 'selling' anything and i am not inclined to 'buy' anything either.
Dating as such is a pain for me.
If i get hit by a 'love dart' though, i would happily yield.  | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/19/2008 10:10:12 PM | I believe people can and do harmonise.
I think the fallacy is that somewhere along the line, it was suggested we were supposed to stay in perfect harmony forever. I think that's the reason lots of people get kind of stuck in the search... the idea that loving or being loved may be shortlived?
Even the most painful relationships, were beautiful at some time.
It doesn't hurt to get a little fearless...accept we've all hurt someone and been hurt... and survived... harmonising with someone, didn't kill any of us... we are all still here.
Maybe the trick to harmonising can be found in the rhythm method?
...We simply learn to enjoy the coming together of two people, and we learn to "pull out" just before things get all noisy and we find ourselves exhausted? | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 1:50:37 AM | Hey Bio! Go the Rythum Method. Very well said mate!
Why I dont go on a date. If they get my mobile number, txt too much , phone too many times, get all clingy Im a goner. I guess everyone is like that. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:17:45 AM | I find that on this site you tend to just meet people and just talk to people but every now and then you do come across someone that you get along well enough with that you would enjoy spending time with them and it always goes well meeting these people.
You can just tell because you think similarly and your on the same wave length and you have similar interests so you know that you will have plenty to chat about. I think that it is all about being patient and you will end up with some really good friends and be guided by your intuition at all times because your intuition knows all lol | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 2:58:49 AM | LnL .Just go with your gut . There has to be the IT factor and if IT isn't there it's not there .
You might have to date a few more frogs to find your prince . | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 3:03:39 AM | Thanks for that debnco and so far I have been lucky because even though I have not met my prince yet, there haven't been too many frogs although there was 1 canetoad!!!
 (Is there a vomiting smiley at all?) | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 5:35:14 AM | Unfortunately there aren't a heck of a lot of girls my age on this site and from Perth. Out of the few there are, the ones that take my fancy haven't replied to messages. The only girl to message me was an 18 year old single mum, and I seriously don't want to get involved in that sort of baggage at this age.
All that means, me = no dates. | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 7:46:34 PM | ^^ hello? Planes?
Where's Ginja?
He flew across the country to someone
And as far as I know they are still together and still very much in love
YEARS later
Self imposed barriers = excuses
And how the heck would you know ON HERE if someone 'took your fancy'?
They could be lying through their teeth
And the less gushy profile you glanced over might be the 'I'm not desperate' type who knows they dont need to 'promote and advertise'. And you missed it completely.
Go meet people
Ya never know
And all its going to cost is a coffee | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:32:32 PM | Mmm simple
Havent been asked !!!
Be nice to but just havent...unless I count Strawbs08 asking me...
Im so over this message is too short to post..............why is this on here..sigh !! | |
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 9:44:33 PM | I find that most of the guys I get to meet, for coffee , think they are getting to someone who is desperate... which is what I am NOT! My profile says so.
Just because I am verbal about my opinions, and sound like I know It all, I don`t.
My idea of a date is..... the old fashioned kind.....which is`nt what the guys want, so this is the regime I use...
Email for a little while, as people tend to put into words while typing, what they don`t say out loud..Ask what is important in the first 20 question...and don`t go to meet them if they have`nt answered them... Talk on the phone a little, about worldly things,.. if the first verbal conversation with a guy is all sexual,,,, he`s lost the plot straight away! And if he says don`t ring till after 9.30pm, why? Is his Mrs gunna be listening?
I usually arrange to go to meet a guy when I have a female friend in tow... if he`s really interested in me, he won`t be trying to chat her up at the same time..
If at that date, there is`nt any *magic* I then tell him , we can just be friends
My intuition kicks in, if he still seems to be what I thought in the first five minutes of meeting, and he cant wait to see me again.... he will get a date...
I try to get to meet them during the week, when they have to go to work the next day,
that means dinner or fish n chips at a cafe.....but if when we have enjoyed a meal, and are leaving the coffee chop, eatery, he says`s *are we going to your place? or are you inviting me home? .. the alarm bells go off for me... I think // so thats all he`s been thinking about while we were meeting?
If I start to get out my book of jokes, at the coffee shop, he`s out of luck, it means I have lost interest.... If he cant entertain me in person, for 40 minutes, at least... and the air is`nt sizzling with the *magic* he has definitely lost it..
we may exchange emails but thats all it will be!
If I am on another site I chat on, and someone is wanting to contact me and all he gives me is his email address, or his mobile number straight up, I know HE`s the one who is desperate.....usually his first email is , *have you got a cam*? I give him an email address that has`nt got a messenger attached on purpose, if he`s not prepared to answer my 20 questions, there won`t be any physical meeting...
I have found on this site, that when a guy is looking for a date, he means Sex, and if he also says he would rather pick me up at my place for a date, I know if he gets here he will try to get his *pound* of flesh, instead of taking me out..
I am NOT desperate. Women can go without for years, months days.... while guys need *IT * every night,, and you wonder why we say.... NO! NO! NO!
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| So why DON'T you go on a date?????
Posted: 5/20/2008 11:56:23 PM | An interesting question!
I don't go on dates probably because I'm just not that interested! And yes, usually guys are just looking for sex, which I guess is OK if you feel the same way - but, to be honest there's not many guys my age I'd give a second glance to, although I'm trying to be more open to 'exploring the possibilities'.
I got on this site by accident too, really just wanted to check out the forums and was surprised when I got quite a few responses, even without a photo or much other input.
To me, that does seem a bit desperate!
I really hate the whole 'singles' thing. A new friend of mine was wanting me to go to singles nights a while ago and I thought "maybe I should - you'll never meet anyone if you don't go out" but the whole thing was horrible - like a meat market, so I've left her to do her thing I'm afraid.
Maybe I'm just sceptical, maybe a dreamer, but I believe that if you're meant to meet someone, you will - and let's face it, nothing beats the real thing.
For me, I think, to go on a date means there has to be some 'chemistry', which is undefinable.
I am very selective - always have been. I'm also quite intuitive most of the time now, so that is a big factor - if their energy doesn't sit right, I'm reticent! | |
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