| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:52:25 PM | I've often read posts where women say they don't want to have sex right away because they'll become too attached to the guy and end up with a broken heart if he leaves. So, my questions are:
1. How many times does one have to have sex before that happens?
2. Does having sex once cause you to fall uncontrollably in love?
3. Is that just an excuse one uses when other factors are in play such as not being attracted to the guy? | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 3:55:25 PM | 1. How many times does one have to have sex before that happens? No idea, never done it.
2. Does having sex once cause you to fall uncontrollably in love? No, I don't think so.
3. Is that just an excuse one uses when other factors are in play such as not being attracted to the guy? I don't think it's an "excuse"
--- I don't want sex right away but it has nothing to do with being attached. It's because I have morals. I can't sleep around. It would ruin my self esteem and i'd feel trashy. THAT is my opinion on it. I only believe in sex if I feel it's a long-term relationship. I don't want to have sex to be cheated on, or dumped etc. etc. and that is my major fear when it comes to who I choose to sleep with. I don't do one night stands, or bootycalls. If I let someone go that far with me it means 1)I love them 2) I feel they love me and 3) I feel safe, secure, and trusting of them. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:33:01 PM | I consider sex a very sacred act of trust, which I personally attach deep meaning and feelings to !
So if I'm going to have sex with a woman, it's not on the first date, it's not for a one night stand and it doesn't have a time limit, if it does lead to love.
I've stayed single a long time before I met a lady last Nov; just left that " relationship" which went all her way, still love her, but I have to move on and find someone right for me.
So for me to sleep with someone, the feelings must be mutual, deep and meaningful !
Cheers
Paul | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:36:02 PM |
've often read posts where women say they don't want to have sex right away because they'll become too attached to the guy and end up with a broken heart if he leaves. So, my questions are:
1. How many times does one have to have sex before that happens? If I am at a point where I am developing feelings for someone then having sex just deepens the bond already begun.. and yes, for me that can be pretty powerful. Sex can be a VERY powerful bond.
2. Does having sex once cause you to fall uncontrollably in love? I don't fall "uncontrollably" into anything... but it does make the connection deeper... okay, at least twice, but it better be good!
3. Is that just an excuse one uses when other factors are in play such as not being attracted to the guy? Nope, if I want to just have sex, I'll just have sex, if I don't I won't, I have no need to "make excuses".. but if I'm concerned about feelings then that's what I mean when I say it.
In a lot of women physical intimacy is not something that can be separated easily from emotional attachment.. I don't know why but that's what I have heard a lot of women say and I've experienced it myself.... could be one of the reasons why a lot of women do not just have casual sex even though the opportunity is frequently there. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:39:04 PM | A young woman girl person typically gets her puberty sex feelings a few years before anyone wants her having sex. So they say WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! with about ten times tha many exclamations points. So what is that person to do in the meanwhile? Yep, you guessed it. She percolates like a 50 liter samovar, her sexuality burbling and squirshing and dripping back down, which unsatisfied hormonal desire manifests as an emotional delusion. She enters into a fantasy land and sublimates all her normal lust into a handy romantic fantasy about waiting until that special moment with Mr. He's The One.
Then when it does finally happen her emotional universe snaps like a spring loaded trap, catching the guy by the leg. He has to chew his leg off to get away. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:39:37 PM |
Is sex really THAT powerful?
really GOOD SEX is!!!!
but try finding that now days!!.....eeash!!
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:42:18 PM | When sex is really good it is difficult to determine how much of the feelings that are churned up are purely sexual and those that are more emotional. It is fairly easy to mistake really great sex when you are beginning to really care for someone as a sign that there is a super connection. This then factors in when the guy is being a putz. We tend to tolerate bad behavior or make other decisions differently when we perceive ourselves as falling in love and highly connected versus just having sex.
So no, it is not all-powerful but it can cause you to be so hyper happy and floating on the endorphins that it is something akin to losing one's mind. I think there is some scientific data that suggests that the early stages of romance which includes sex for most people is similar to temporary psychosis so I suspect it is less the sex and more the whole thing that makes sex a risky proposition for many women. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:54:55 PM | 1. I won't sleep with a guy I don't like at all, or am unattracted to at all. Ew.
2. Clearly, if I sleep with him, I like him quite a bit. It only takes one time to knock me over the edge.
3. You speak like we're wild, ravaging animals when falling for someone. It is a sweet, deep feeling...not wild, gonna-kill-you-before-you-wake feelings. Sheesh. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 4:57:17 PM | Well to the OP... this is what I believe and I think has been proven more or less for the majority of women. But for most women.. heavy sexual invovlement.. heavy kissing.. petting.. and intercourse.. does result in a bonding chemical being released in the brain. Yes.. it is evolutions cruel trick on the females of our species.. The chemical is called oxytocin. And it is released in both men and women but to women to a greater extent and quicker.
It is thought to bring about bonding and they believe it's usefullness was to guarantee the bonding of a mated man and woman for the benefit of the survival of the children as well as the protection and provision of the woman.
So the woman who told you that was right...and many women suffer emotionally greatly when they have a sexual relationship with a man and the relationship ends abruptly. This happened to me recently. I was dating two men.. One man I was not attracted to that strongly and we went out as companions and friends.. the other one was another story. The chemistry between us was earth shattering.. and although we never had sex there was lots of touching.. hugging.. kissing.. stroking and the type of nonsexual touch that bonds to people. When he decided that it was moving too fast for him it really disappointed me. Now, what helped me was while it was happening I realized what was going on.. so I had a choice in the matter and I take responsiblity for my feelings.
But when you pair this type of attraction.. with bonding and then romantic talk from the man.. to the women it can be emotionally devestating when the guy decides to move on.
So please try to understand OP.. that for women and this is usually the majority of women there is no such thing as casual sex.. it really does hit home for them and you have to admit it is part of us genetically we can not turn it off and on and it is one of the things I think that males find appealing about women.. that we are more emotionally involved in sex. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:00:04 PM | I generally am so spent giving my all, that after I like to relax and cuddle, this is where I really feel at peace. Making love is as close to being spiritual as one can get in my opinion.
Cheers
Paul | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:02:45 PM |
similar to temporary psychosis
True true. Isn't that where "crazy about you" comes from?  | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:09:25 PM | Sex alone isn't. But sex for the sake of just sex is boring to me. I like to have SOMETHING going on there emotionally, like love or something.
I can't get turned on without some kind of emotion or connection going on so while I can have casual sex, it bores me, lowers my self esteem, and I might as well get paid | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 5:48:02 PM | ^^^I agree a passionate kiss, with the warm embrace of your partner can definitely be more powerful than sex
Having said that, i think tooooo many people men and women alike ogten confuse the feelings of lust for love. I think people with low self esteem think if they have sex with someone they will then love them. This simply is NOT true.
Truly powerful sex is when both partners have a deep feeling toward each other. This begins to happen PRIOR to the sex act itself.
as always, just my opinion | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:04:49 PM | 1. once.
2. No
3. No
I have found that when two people really respect each other and know what they want they can wait. Not only women have these feelings of making love with someone is on such a different level than just sex. I have such a different and high opinion of people that just don't want sex, but really want love. It truly is beautiful when it happens, it's so deep and really does blow your mind. I could write about this subject forever but enough for now. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:06:48 PM | | no sex isn't that powerful, what is powerful is the connection two people have who are making love, not just acting like animals. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:52:17 PM | | Go google 'oxytocin' and 'Helen Fisher'. There are chemicals released through sex that create bonding feelings. Women are more susceptible to them than men. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 6:53:59 PM | | Sex once with me makes a woman fall uncontrollably in love. Just advertising ladies. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:36:13 PM | So true Angel Eyes,,,,--- I don't want sex right away but it has nothing to do with being attached. It's because I have morals. I can't sleep around. It would ruin my self esteem and i'd feel trashy. THAT is my opinion on it. I only believe in sex if I feel it's a long-term relationship. I don't want to have sex to be cheated on, or dumped etc. etc. and that is my major fear when it comes to who I choose to sleep with. I don't do one night stands, or bootycalls. If I let someone go that far with me it means 1)I love them 2) I feel they love me and 3) I feel safe, secure, and trusting of them.
I have never been one to cheat or sleep around so why start at my age.
To me sex is something that is sacred and beautiful shared by two people who have fallen in love. It is not the sex that is so powerful it is the passion that comes before and after. that makes the sex powerful. To me you can't have that powerful sex with out the feelings and passion. before that it has to be the Kiss that tells all. it's all in the kiss..
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:40:59 PM | | Sex is only as powerful as you let it. I think it depends on what each person wants, values, etc on when its a good time to have sex with the person if choose to at all... I think should find out the others intentions and get to know them before you have sex. But, everyone is different and some just willing to take the risk. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:43:13 PM | | How is having sex right away sleeping around? You could have sex right away and stick around. To have more sex. For years like that. I am a one man think tank. | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 7:55:46 PM | as a young intelligent cowboy once told me:
women offer sex to get love
men offer love to get sex
hmmmmmmm
sex is wonderful.....greatly powerful when there's a mutual emotional connection | |
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| Is sex really THAT powerful?
Posted: 5/19/2008 8:01:53 PM | OP:
Though your questions seem typical, I don't think it'll result you in any real AH HA answers...
Instead there are many levels to the questions you pose that are not asked, but I think is very valid and a intimate part of the issue.
1. You must consider what is Social Conditioning and what is Natural Behavior?
- Many men and women have been socially conditioned by social and religious values to believe that sex can only, or rather, should only happen when there is love.
- Thus for less experienced people (and I don't mean just virgins) having sex can be mentally linked to love much more faster than those who are more experienced or have less social conditioning.
2. To answer Question 1 and 2 (as they are in fact talking about the same thing...) other than the mental links people build between sex and love, there are plenty of research done on hormones that affect a woman's bond to a man after intercourse, even more so after orgasm (I think this has to do with the fact that if a woman has an orgasm during intercourse, she is able to hold up to 50% more sperm than if she does not).
Also, a woman is more sexually active during certain times in her cycle and can result in a stronger sense of desire and want for sex.
If you mix these two ideas with someone who has a mental bridge between sex and love... I think it's kind of obvious how powerfull this idea can be.
3. As for Number 3. Women don't want to have sex right away because they are 1) testing the man, 2) Even though they may want to have sex they don't want to be seen as a slut (just like how some men would love to have sex on a first date, but they would not want to be seen as un-gentalmenly) 3) If she's not attracted to the guy, the issue of sex wouldn't even come up unless she's totally desperate. Because women are the choosers... they can always choose someone who they ARE attracted to. | |
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