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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???      Home login  
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 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 1
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???Page 1 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Ok, this is pretty embarrassing, but what the hell. I'll be 28 in about a month and I have never had a boyfriend in my entire life. The closest I've had was this guy I dated off and on for a couple of years (there was a distance factor during part of it), but he said he "didn't like labels," so we never called ourselves "boyfreind/girlfriend." I'm just curious, am I the oldest person in the world in this situation (I mean, the older person who ISN'T in the clergy)? Am I doing something wrong? Oh, I don't want to hear things like "It's because you're ugly." That doesn't help me too much. When I have dated guys, they always end things and say "I think you're attractive, really fun to hang out with, but the extra something else is missing, the "wow" factor." Occassionally I've gotten a "but can we still have sex?" So I don't understand why that seems to be a pattern. I mean, if they're attracted to me and like hanging out with me, what could be the problem? So a). Am I the oldest one in this situation? and does that mean I'll forever be a spinster/old maid? and b). Why do I get that same old story I mentioned above when I have dated?

Thanks for reading and for any input!
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 2
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:01:41 AM
Yeah, you're pretty much doomed. Sorry.
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 3
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:04:15 AM
That's what I figured.
I already have one cat, I guess I'm on my way. :P
 rory27
Joined: 2/14/2005
Msg: 4
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Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:10:25 AM
You have an attractive smile and seem approachable.

Don't worry. I got married at your age, and I never had another date for a decade. Well, sometimes my ex-wife and I had raisins in cereal, but I hate dates.

All right, it's the goofy hour, and I'm packing it in.


All is not lost. You have another half-century of trial and terror .... oops, I meant trial and error, so relax and have fun, whether dating or not.
 governor420
Joined: 3/4/2006
Msg: 5
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:16:40 AM
Don't You worry darling. Very soon You'll have your boy freind as well as SEX. I shall advise u to start preparing for an 11" long tool. each and every thought would go away........
 Hambone352
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 6
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:33:57 AM
Freebird....I really find that hard to believe.....considering how attractive you are (figured ALL women that were attractive had at least some kind of serious relationship in their life) but I guess it's possible. Did you go to college? Figured there'd be plenty there to choose from :-)

My first g/f was when I was 27.

I felt like a freak when I didn't have a girlfriend in college or Highschool though.

I wouldn't worry though, it will happen.
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 7
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 3:00:02 AM
Thanks so much Hambone, that's really sweet of you. Actually I think most women DO have someone serious by the time they're my age (whether they're attractive or not) but it hasn't been in the cards for me and I don't really understand why (which I guess is why I'm here). That's funny that you mention college. Actually, where I went to school: a). It was 68% women and b). the male population that did exist was about 50% gay (no joke). So, as you can see, the few straight men on campus where in very high demand (although my sister did find her husband there). I guess I should've thought about that when deciding to go there, but that crazy ratio wasn't important to me then. Oh well, I guess hindsight is always 20/20.
 Sweet sensations
Joined: 9/5/2005
Msg: 8
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:31:59 AM
That's not an old maid syndrom!

That's a late bloomer. One day you will blossom with someone that your sure about!

I don't think you could be fooled too easily. Sound very intelligent and sensible to me.

PS... I have met guys like that "late bloomer" and they were very decent, attractive and had a good head on their shoulders.

It's not that uncommon!
 pnayplayr
Joined: 12/17/2005
Msg: 9
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:51:48 AM
awwwwwwwww...too picky?
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 10
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 7:56:19 AM
It's going to be hard for someone like you to meet people from online.
You see many from online are not just into dating but they also have freak ways
they call dating. The internet will expose you to many types of people previously
unknown to you... and in the case of someone kinda naive.....
you just shouldnt meet people from online.
If you do, you should take someone with you , a date buddy.... to be sure one of them
psychos isn't meeting you.

Can't you enroll in college in your area or something?
 Magickman
Joined: 1/29/2005
Msg: 11
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Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:25:42 AM
No Freebird, you are not a freak.

But you have a big problem. The spector of perpetual spinsterism is a frightful thought. And the older you get, the more likely it becomes.

This suggests a need for immediate change. You might start with a radical makeover. This is not criticism, rather a general need for change in image and presentation. Try something new. If you go for a hot sexy look, then that is how you will feel, too. I think you should get out more, and start hanging out with other single people. Go out dancing with your girlfriends. Ask a few guys to dance. If you don't know how, take some lessons.

Go to Barnes and Noble. Ask a male clerk where to find books about sexual positions.

Eat lunch at a new place, as often as possible. Note where more single guys congregate.

Don't rely only on the Internet. Meet people in person.

Go to some singles social events, and make it a point to talk to at least three new people, at each event.

Tell your friends that you want to meet single men.

Join some clubs or activity groups, that attract single men.

Initiate conversations with strangers and make new friends.

Remember to smile at people, a lot.
 LATIN_SEXMAN
Joined: 8/8/2005
Msg: 12
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:35:16 AM
maybe you are too picky? you are good looking and very sweet for the way you write. I'm sure the right person will find you very soon!
 Swt20Jess
Joined: 7/18/2004
Msg: 13
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:41:26 AM
Seems to me you might be one of the lucky ones. Of course we all want to end up with someone so we don't die lonely and bitter. But boyfriends aren't always what the best thing. Trust me there are guys out there who are not boyfriend material. But you've dated guys...maybe that's the best thing for you right now. Date around, meet different people, and when the one comes along that you're supposed to be with....you can just say you were fortunate enough to not have a long history of boyfriends that didn't work out.
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 14
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 8:42:02 AM
op

I dont know how you handled sex drive issues of your previous years.....
mine drove me to boys at 16... I am thinking maybe you have a low sex drive......

is this bad ?
no

In the bible it is known as a gift.

Just something for you to consider, as being with someone is a lot of work and
there is nothing wrong with being single.
maybe....
you are just blessed
?

If it has not bothered you so far and your hormones have not led you
like most peoples... maybe you should not push it and do something that
is not in your nature. There is nothing wrong with being single sweety.
 Restless0ne
Joined: 2/19/2006
Msg: 15
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 9:04:41 AM
Hmmmmmmm......

I've never come into contact with this sort of problem but some of the advice givens been good....

I think you need to change your surroundings.....your routines......and yes maybe your expectations.....Its probably not just one thing your doing but possibly a combination..

I think your attractive so maybe you just need to shake things up.....take a look in the mirror....sit down and figure out what you are projecting that may seem too make you a doormat or unapproachable

good luck.....have fun........just do it!

 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 16
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:29:25 AM
Actually I went to college, but no luck there. I am sort of picky I guess, but not unreasonably so. For instance, I'm one of the few women I know about out here that doesn't require a guy to be "over 5'11." I've never really gotten that one.
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 17
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:31:17 AM
Hey, thanks for the advice so far guys. I've been told I need to get out more, unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot going on in my area and I'm sort of new here, so don't know too many people to do things with. I'm also a bit shy at first, so that is also a curse.

And Frangal, actually I don't have a low sex drive, quite the opposite actually (which is part of the problem, lol). I WISH I had a low sex drive, then I probably wouldn't be posting here.

The thing I don't get too is what I was saying about the lines guys give me when I do date them. They don't want to continue dating because, even though they're physically attracted to me and have a great time hanging out with me, the "extra relationship spark" isn't there (in their opinion). This doesn't make sense to me, is there a reason they say this or do guys just use that as a standard line?
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 18
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:33:58 AM
If you don't mind my asking, how many guys have given you the whole "extra spark isn't there" line?
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 19
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:45:18 AM
Well, I don't know exactly, maybe 4 or so, but there were two who gave me that line where I didn't understand at all why they would think that. One I REALLY liked and felt a great connection with, so that one really upset me and still confuses me.
 Great Eyes ..I think !!
Joined: 2/22/2006
Msg: 20
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 11:45:26 AM
Does it really matter MOLONEL...........

Come on People............let her be...............there are no RULES...

If your happy ..GREAT..if not........Do something about it.

Freebird..............go on with your life. Pehaps a little "soul searching" is required. Maybe you are waiting for things to happen. Go out and find yourself someone who will make YOU happy
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 21
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 12:00:08 PM
I think it's a combination of things, that a lot of people go through, even for years at a time, but you haven't gotten out of that "funk".

You're an attractive woman, who seems to have a good head on her shoulders, so on "paper", you're not lacking whatsoever in the dept of finding a decent guy to date. Which makes it a little puzzling, doesn't it?

I would theorize that it's a combination of different factors, at different times... Maybe you've been too picky... which not only greatly reduces opportunities of meeting a great guy (by reading too much into the cover of a book), but also when you start dating a guy, you may "think too much" about it, thus negating any potential spark. I've been there! (with girls, with girls!)

Also, it may depend on what you're comfortable with, when a relationship or dating situation develops -- maybe you're only comfortable going down a certain path which most people find uncomfortable - ya know?

And, there's always fear of commitment, due to never really having any -- until you sense that the guy may not be QUITE that into you -- then it may draw you in, cause a little drama, guy reads off that, and thinks he's in a world of chaos.

There is an easy solution to it all - much like the poster who said that you should make a radical change in your life.. which would easily change things. Change your hair style, buy a couple new outfits... and just do things a little differently (for the sake of change ONLY -- you already look very nice, but it's about change). And at the same time -- don't think about it too much -- just take it as meeting new people. It's kind of like hockey -- just move the puck down to the area of the net -- don't use your energy trying to score from the blue line -- if you just make yourself avaliable in different situations, meeting new people in general, sooner or later, you'll score ;)
 molonel
Joined: 12/20/2005
Msg: 22
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 1:20:16 PM

Well, I don't know exactly, maybe 4 or so, but there were two who gave me that line where I didn't understand at all why they would think that. One I REALLY liked and felt a great connection with, so that one really upset me and still confuses me. - freebird78


Since you haven’t dated a lot, let me offer you this insight: just because someone tells you something about yourself, or even several someone’s, doesn’t make it true. I know that this sounds like a cliché or a truism, but if I were to draw conclusions about myself from those that I’ve dated in the past, I might easily conclude that I (a) drive women to lesbianism (two women I dated), (b) am a horrible kisser (one woman told me I was the second worst kisser she’d ever met – I wasn’t even good at being BAD), or (c) have no chemistry or ability in bed (three or four women).

But the truth is, I’m none of these things. Yes, it’s very disappointing for someone you really like, and feel you click with, to tell you that you’re better as just a friend. It hurts, too, especially when you’ve put yourself out there and showed ‘em the goods, and they chose not to buy.

It’s also possible to make these things a self-fulfilling prophecy, because you expect that you aren’t going to hit it off with someone, and you dampen your own powers of attraction – if that makes any sense. Then when it happens, you beat yourself up over it. And the cycle continues.

What do you think?


Does it really matter MOLONEL...........Come on People............let her be...............there are no RULES...If your happy ..GREAT..if not........Do something about it. - Great Eyes ..I think !!


Sure it matters. She might be taking the word of only a couple of guys to represent what every man, forever and always, will think of her. Since she hasn’t had a boyfriend, she assumes that every guy is going to think the same thing.

I’m not picking on her by asking that. But I figured that it was a low number, and I was entirely correct.
 mcbobly
Joined: 8/28/2005
Msg: 23
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Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 1:33:44 PM
That's not at all odd. You're a very good looking woman and a great guy will come along soon and sweep you off your feet when you are least expecting it, believe me. Until then, I'd just date off and on and enjoy life, you sound like a real keeper.
 Fran_Gal
Joined: 2/20/2006
Msg: 24
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 1:36:12 PM
are you saying your a virgin?
 bestwomanever
Joined: 12/13/2005
Msg: 25
Almost 28 and NEVER had a boyfriend. Am I a freak???
Posted: 3/7/2006 2:28:23 PM
Mcbobly:
Thanks so much, I really appreciate it. You've helped give me a little hope. :)

Frangal:
Well I won't go into details, but like I said in my original post, I did date a guy for over 2 years (the one who "didn't like labels") and I've dated otherwise, but no one has wanted an actual relationship with me. And the guy I really felt a great connection with said "even though I don't feel the "girlfriend spark" for you, a physical relationship would still be really fun." So hopefully those are enough clues (lol).
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