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 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 1
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
We all know that being physically attracted to another person has its place in a romantic relationship.However,Ive observed time and time again a lot of very good looking people who while they get a lot of first dates initially,seem to have a difficult time sustaining a great relationship beyond the beginning stages.Im starting to think that maybe emotional attraction ,therefore is really equally important if not more so than physical attraction.I believe no matter how physically attractive a person is,if their body language,emotons and attitude make them display a constant heir of negativity,then emotionally they become less attractive for a long term relationship.We all have fears and insecurities,but I think that if someone finds themselves always complaining that there are no good ones left,maybe it has more to do with the fact that they dont expect a relationship to work out for them and this vibe they are subconsciously sending acts as relationship repellant. I think attraction has a lot to do with the way we "feel" about ourselves when we are around the other person.Im not saying we need them to feel good about ourselves,but that in order to feel good about being in a relationship with someone,its important they have a positive and healthy attitude about life and relationships in general.If I constantly have to be someones emotional babysitter and tell them that yes,in fact happy endings are possible in life,after awhile I would become exhausted.So,the question Im asking is,how important is a good mental attitude and a healthy view of relationships to you when youre looking for something more long term?How heavily does this weigh on the relationship scale in comparrison to looks.I personally would take a man with a positive outlook on relationships and life every time,over someone who was super attractive but highly negative.Ok kids,what say you?
 yourdelights
Joined: 3/27/2006
Msg: 2
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:32:08 AM
Persoanally I would say emotional attraction is more important. Beauty fades in time, your inside are always there.

If a guy goes for women with large firm breasts...there will be a day when they are dangling around the waist. And for women who go for the buff guy with tats etc...usually in time they no longer work out so it all turns to flab and the nice tight tats look like someone spilt the ink.

Yes there has to be some sort of fisical attraction, but the true beauty comes from within.

Just my opinion, as the saying goes different strokes for different folks.
 rainbowfishh
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 3
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:47:09 AM
I would say it
(emotional attraction).........is a large percentage of the overall health and
longevity of a relationship.
It can overcome many things and without it... there is basically nothing.

but there also has to initally be physical attraction too.. or some level of it...
as well as mental, spiritual and intellectual attraction... or at least some level
of all those.
Emotional attraction is the biggest of all of them as that is what makes
a solid relationship and can endure time... and everything else life
can dish out.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 4
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:55:37 AM
^I wholeheartedly agree that there has to be a level of physical attraction as well,but for me,emotional attraction,having faith in a partner and in the relationship,self confidence and emotional strength are imperative to a long term relationship .We all have some insecurities at times when it comes to dating relationships and ourselves,but in order for a relationship to work well emotional security needs to far outweigh the negativity. JMHO
 Ms.Tyrius1
Joined: 4/21/2006
Msg: 5
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:58:37 AM
Hey Girlfriend,,I believe that emotional longevity is the key, the sexual attraction or chemistry in a relationship is important but lets face it over time that usually fades somewhat, and then you need a person who you can rely on and trust. I was in a marriage that unfortunately broke up b/c we were in love but not in love with each other, but we had been married for 7 years and known each other our whole lives. Now we both regret breaking up, but we have moved on to other things and he is in another part of the country and I now have a child. We both realized that b/c the sexual part had faded we thought that was not a good thing but looking back we had such a great emotional attachment , never fought, could depend on each other, trust each other and now we are both out there hunting around and are finding that what we had was what everyone is looking for. Its kind of a funny thing b/c we both said that if by 60 we are still alone we made a pledge to get back together and live our lives out with each other. Unfortunately that is not possible at ths time due to child of mine and moving her across country. But I definitely believe that looks and sexual attraction fades and you fall into a comfort zone which unfortunately alot of people including myself misjudged as a: " Oh i'm not IN love with him anymore."...and really it was a love stronger than imaginable. Looks fade ,and guys or gals that look at the superficial stuff will find that yes as we get older our bodies change some for the better others for the worse, but whats on the inside never changes.....and thats what counts,,,unless of course u have your appendix out or something like that LOL...
Good Luck , sexual attraction , chemistry needs to be there in the beginning but emotional stability and trust are the keys, take it from someone who has been there and has a lot of regrets that we didn't try harder..
Good Luck Hope This Helped!!!!
 Say Hi to David
Joined: 8/2/2004
Msg: 6
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:08:21 AM
* Emotional attachment reigns supreme for me.
* Physical attraction is a requirement as well.
* Sexual compatibility is critical.
* Intellectual engagement is very important.

Can you rank them? I don't know. For me, it's a constellation. For the long term, it must be some component of each. And the emotional connection is driven by the others, for me at least.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 7
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:18:55 AM
^I dont know if you can "rank" them but if I tried it would look like this

Strong friendship base
Respect of one anothers feelings,goals and opinions
Emotional attraction
Intellectual attraction and stimulation
Common goals, and similar outlook on life
Sexual compatability and similarly adventerous spirits (hehe O:)
Things in common..interests hobbies ect

 BossyLady
Joined: 8/20/2005
Msg: 8
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:26:16 AM
I need to connect emotionally with someone to be involved with them. Looks are initial, but really, if they cannot reach my inner self, then how do we survive as a 'couple' if we cannot talk?
 TurgidBoil
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 9
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:47:57 AM
I've said it before and I'll say it again; check out info on tantric sex.
 othala
Joined: 5/15/2006
Msg: 10
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History
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 11:57:26 AM
No matter how beautiful a woman may be, if she cant carry on a decent conversation, I will not find the relationship fulfilling...I personally find smart women very attractive, I am not into what playboy or maxim wants to tell me is attractive in a woman.
 gypsydoll
Joined: 5/24/2006
Msg: 11
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 12:00:49 PM
Hopefully there is always a physical attraction in a (great) relationship. If I'm not emotionally attracted to someone there would be no point of the relationship at all. The emotional bond is just as critical as sex IMO!
 Do I Dare
Joined: 1/7/2006
Msg: 12
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 12:12:57 PM
If there was no emotional attraction, how can you call it a relationship? It would be more like **** buddies getting together for fantastic sex, all lust, but no basis for anything else. Emotions define relationships, taking them from lust to like to love...without the emotional bonding you're left with the vague sense that something's missing. You want a relationship to last, base it on intellectual, physical and emotional attraction!
 wilderunn
Joined: 2/21/2006
Msg: 13
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 1:14:43 PM
There's no denying that people are usually brought together by an initial physical attraction. But you can't really call it a 'relationship' if there's no emotional attraction. Hell, a strong emotional attraction even furthers the physical attraction. I personally don't feel I'm an overly attractive guy, but the woman I met here on POF and I made an emotional and intellectual connection that made me look that much attractive. And on the other end of the spectrum, I thought she was a great looking woman, but that same emotional and intellectual connection made her drop dead gorgeous in my eyes.

Eventually, physical attration wanes as people get older and body parts start to shrink and sag. But that emotional attraction is the glue that holds a relationship together through the changes that inevitably befall us all. If you're relationship is based primarily on the physical factor, there's very little to hold you together through any trials and tribulations that a relationship can throw at you. Now the emotional attraction factor, that's what adds to relationship longevity. One you're emotionally invested in someone, there's more to hold you together when those little relationship troubles arise.

On a personal level, I'd only ever have a real relationship with someone who can touch me on an emotional and an intellectual level. When the looks change or start to go, it's important to be with someone I can talk to equally, and relate to emotionally. Plus, it never hurts that sharing an emotional connection during sex makes it better on soooo many levels...
 wolfskshuntress
Joined: 1/3/2006
Msg: 14
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 1:32:24 PM
Msg 1, i would agree with the statement, "I think attraction has a lot to do with the way we "feel" about ourselves when we are around the other person." ..
 debrar
Joined: 3/30/2006
Msg: 15
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 6:25:47 PM
I consider myself a very positive person. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, as it leads to clarity of what is most important to each of us.
A few things I ask myself when dating someone new:

1. Do we make each other laugh?
2. Can we be there in spirit when the other is lonely?
and last but not least
3. When I have news to share, is he the first one I want to run and tell?

Emotional Longivity = Friendship

I agree that the emotional/spiritual connection between two people is the fuel to keep a relationship healthy. If you don't have it, you don't have much!
 SweetieGuy_81
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 16
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History
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 6:50:12 PM
emotional attraction is far more important then a physical attraction which does little to none to me.

If you can't click with them, whats the point of a physical attraction??
 ~Juggernaut~
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 17
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 7:59:38 PM
Alis , sex is good for a couple weeks maybe a month ( if it's just about that ) but real emotion last for along time possibly forever sweety.
 manda1084
Joined: 5/14/2006
Msg: 18
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 8:08:32 PM
Not to be rude, but I mean, did you just come to this realization now? Because I've ALWAYS thought the emotional connection was most important. I think physical attraction plays a VERY small part. As long as the guy is even vaguely good looking, who cares? People always become more physically attractive anyways as you grow to care about them more. It's all about communication, and a good emotional connection. If it's all physical, you're lacking in both of those areas, and a relationship just can't survive on physical attraction alone. Not a healthy relationship anyways.
 jodster90
Joined: 11/13/2005
Msg: 19
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 8:26:20 PM
I've never actually had a serious emotional attraction to someone...I've had 3 relationships and they were all sexual...sex has always been important to me along with being attracted to the person physically...but I did meet someone online 2 yrs ago and he was the first person I ever had an emotional attachment to without any physical and when I met him in person...I wasn't sure if I'd be physically attracted to him...and oh my gosh...as soon as I placed my eyes on him....I wanted to have his baby...how wierd is that....lol...so I don't know if emotional attraction makes for a long lasting relationship cause my relationship with him never went any further than an online friendship...not by my choice of course...but I do know the connection I felt with him...is something I only hope I'll find again someday...then just maybe I'll have the oppurtunity for a long lasting relationship with an emotional connection that I never thought possible...I want someone that will make my days brighter and I think having an emotional attachment with the right person...it may just happen!!!
I do believe in happy endings!!!
 SpanishTulip
Joined: 5/4/2006
Msg: 20
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:01:04 PM
Emotional attraction is very important. If you don't have that, then I don't see the relationship lasting for very long. I think physical attraction/chemistry should be there but ultimately it's the emotional connection and healthy attitudes between two people that keeps the relationship going. In other words, you first start off being physical attracted to one other, but ultimately its the mental & emotional connection that is created that determines how long the relationship will last.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 21
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/24/2006 10:14:19 PM
@Manda^^It isnt rude at all to ask me that.I was awake pretty late last night and when I read what I had posted earlier I realized it came across as though I just recently had this dawning revelation that an emotional connection is more important than looks.What I really meant to convey in my half lucid I need coffee state at the time of my initial post LOL is that...It seems to me that although there are a good number of threads here on POF stating how important physical attraction is,I think there are a great number of people who would agree with me that a deep emotional connectedness far outweighs the importance of physical attraction when it comes to a relationship.It isnt something Ive just recently learned,but something that Ive always known all along.As a matter of fact,even if Im not initially blown away by a mans looks,chemistry has developed over time on my end in situations where a man had a very amazing personality and a positive outlook on life.I wouldnt even consider being in a realtionship with anyone long term if there wasnt a strong friendship base,emotional connectedness,things in common intellectually and if qualities like compassion,communication,humour and honesty werent present.I would say any relationship that is soley based on physical attraction has no chance of being more than a fling if none of the other elements are there.Im glad you brought up that point manda:)So kids...lets start over from here and continue shall we?LOL
 run4ever79
Joined: 2/11/2006
Msg: 22
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/25/2006 12:55:30 AM
I think of physical attraction as the slick packaging or promotional discount that gets you in the door. It may or may not be necessary, but it is certainly not sufficient for a relationship. An emotional connection is both necessary and sufficient. There are plenty of hot people that I couldn't stand to be around at all. It's cliche but true, a relationship has to be based on friendship. Without that even the hottest person with bore you after a while. There are only so many things that you can do with someone that you're just using for his/her looks, and wost yet most of those only take less than a couple of hours.
 ladydi8
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 23
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How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/25/2006 6:32:02 AM
physical attraction can catch yer eye....but its emotional attraction that catches yer heart.....and intellectual attraction that catches yer imagination...........but spiritual attraction will bind you together with committment................least thas how i see it....
 pky1988
Joined: 10/3/2005
Msg: 24
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/25/2006 6:50:32 AM
No mater how good looking someone is. You don't want someone pulling you down with negativity. It does get draining after a while. I might be picky but everyone hear diserves that special someone they totaly click with. That takes time to find.
 ~SpiffyKat~
Joined: 8/16/2005
Msg: 25
How important is emotional attraction to the longevity of a relationship?:)
Posted: 5/25/2006 9:53:54 AM
Run4ever I completely agree with you when you stated,"I think of physical attraction as the slick packaging or promotional discount that gets you in the door. It may or may not be necessary, but it is certainly not sufficient for a relationship. An emotional connection is both necessary and sufficient. There are plenty of hot people that I couldn't stand to be around at all. It's cliche but true, a relationship has to be based on friendship. Without that even the hottest person with bore you after a while. There are only so many things that you can do with someone that you're just using for his/her looks, and wost yet most of those only take less than a couple of hours."Awesome post:)
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