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Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > 12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.      Home login  
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 braindrain22
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 1
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.Page 1 of 2    (1, 2)
I'm not talking about casual dating here or FWB (those never work out).

If you've been seeing a guy exclusively, steadily for 12 months and realize you love him but, he hasn't said he loves you yet do you expect:
1) he does love you but hasn't said it yet.
2) he doesn't love you yet but he may grow too.
3) he doesn't love you since he hasn't said it yet and likely never will since 12 months is a long enough trial period.
 Phoenix!
Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 2
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:13:21 AM
Has 'she' said 'I love you' yet? Works both ways.....
 HappyyyMealll
Joined: 6/14/2007
Msg: 3
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:16:12 AM
he doesn't love u
 cordie_from_heaven
Joined: 3/9/2007
Msg: 4
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:25:42 AM
Well, my ex-husband used to tell me:

"If I loved you, I would tell you."

So, to me, if I was dating someone exclusively for a year and he hadn't told me he loved me then I would have to question what type of emotional person is he. If he is the type that easily expresses his emotions and feelings, then I would say that he just doesn't love me. If he is the type that has a hard time expresses his feelings then I would think that maybe he loves me and just hasn't told me....but in the end, I would probably still feel like he didn't love me.

~Welder's Girl~
 braindrain22
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 5
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:30:11 AM
MSG 2 .. yes it works both ways.. so you both wait until the other says it first and no one ever says it. hmmmm..

I expect it just comes out naturally one day when you are doing something like. "You did this for me..oooh I love you".. without even thinking of it because that is how you truely feel.
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 6
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:46:49 AM
I would expect that if a person was dating exclusively for 12 months, then somewhere along the line someone would have released these words from their mouth. Depending on the response, would determine whether or not the other feels the same way.
I'll take option 3 thankyou. I love the booby prizes.
 Phoenix!
Joined: 5/29/2007
Msg: 7
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 7:52:36 AM

so you both wait until the other says it first and no one ever says it.

Well that's what I was thinking.. it adds another dimension to the hypothetical scenario. If one party has said it and the other still hasn't said it then it's an entirely different situation. Essentially, both love each other but are too jaded or pigheaded to be the one that says it first.. so neither say it.

Similarly, it would be extremely weird to get to 12 months without some expression of affection. Even if it is how my best friend's boyfriend tells her.. (he looks at her, nudges her shoulder with his shoulder and says "you know, you're aces". It may not be the three pre-approved words but the meaning is clear).

 -Quicksilver
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 8
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:34:38 AM
After 12 months, I think one or the other would have said the words if they felt that way. Sometimes, the actual words are not necessary because you already know how that person feels about you thru their actions and they way the look at you, how they respect you etc.

Either way if you are really close, it shouldn't be an issue. If someone I was dating for a year didn't say it to me, I think I would already know how they feel and if I didn't know by then, what the hell am I doing there still?

A lot of people think those three little words are the most important...and to them, they are, but a great many others think those words are just said too much and too soon. I'd rather be shown love personally.
 Karen5
Joined: 4/11/2007
Msg: 9
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:35:14 AM
I don't know - I'd be more inclined to know of his love by the way he behaves around me and the things he does for me. It's nice to hear it but I don't need to.

Edit: Hear, hear, Quicksilver - I agree.
 braindrain22
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 10
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:37:00 AM
I'll take option 3 thankyou. I love the booby prizes.


I'm glad you like booby prizes. BECAUSE, you've just won a brand new pair of silicon implants. (installation not included)
 kmhstx
Joined: 4/7/2007
Msg: 11
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:47:20 AM
I would basically think that he didn't love me. I also know that I couldn't be in a steady exclusive relationship for 12 months with someone that I couldn't communicate with. So I would have told him how I felt and asked him how he felt before the 12 month mark. If he couldn't be honest in where the relationship was going or express his feelings towards me I probably wouldn't hang around.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 12
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12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:51:59 AM
If you havent' said you love one another after a year, then there's a problem with communication. It's either going to move or be a dead end to a relationship.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 13
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12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:55:21 AM
My first thought would be relief as to me "I love you" just comes with a host of new complications, but maybe that's just me. I don't know; everyone is different and that phrase carries a different meaning. Perhaps he's wondering the same thing about you. If you're both happy with YOUR particular relationship, who cares.

Hearing I love you doesn't always end up in a good place anyway; the newness wears off shortly after that for a lot of people. I say enjoy every minute of the time before it happens...

I guess #1 would be accurate. Anyone who hangs around you in a serious relationship that long and doesn't love you would have moved on to someone they did love. People don't usually bide their time with someone they aren't into for that long (without in some way explaining it or showing it with their actions).
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 14
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 10:55:23 AM
Words don't mean all that much. How does he act? If you're with a person for 12 months and you don't know if they love you or not from their behaviour, then I think that they don't love you in the way that you are going to be able to experience that love, whatever words might be said. It's actually immaterial, whether they love you in their own little quirk way and just can't communicate it: if you don't feel that they love you from their way of being with you then all 3 words will do is give you some wishful thinking and the fantasy won't last.
 ksue44
Joined: 6/20/2005
Msg: 15
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:26:14 AM
I'd think by 12 months you would know whether you love someone or not. Perhaps he's the type that also has to feel "I love her and I'm in love with her". Some people have trouble expressing the words "I love you". It's not only the words, but its also the deeds.
 opgirl
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 16
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:35:05 AM
I'd go with he doesn't love me.
 braindrain22
Joined: 4/26/2007
Msg: 17
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:44:08 AM
ALRIGHT, MOST WOMEN SAID "HE LIKELY DOESN'T LOVE ME"

SO DO YOU STAY WITH GUY?

Pardon the caps.. just trying to make this question stand out in the middle of this thread.
 Limestone_Lady
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 18
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 12:01:47 PM
After a year, I'd ask him where he thought we were headed. I have actually been in the outlined scenario. When that boyfriend said he would only say I love you if he was intending to marry me, I figured between that, and his wanting to wait til marriage for sex, that we were too different of people to ever work out happily for the long haul.

I am very demonstrative and physical. I like a mate who is the same.

After discussing where he thought we were heading, I would make my decision to stay then, not leave because I set an arbitrary date for him to say the magic words by. That previous relationship was the only one where a guy didn't tell me he was in love first...

So: I love you comes too soon, I distrust it, comes too late, I ponder if it is a last ditch effort to keep me around while he makes up his mind. For me and how I move in a relationship, anywhere between 2 to 8 months or so is acceptable without my questioning the sincerity.
 opgirl
Joined: 3/6/2007
Msg: 19
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 1:26:29 PM
I wouldn't stay. I'm not looking to waste my time.
 rune3
Joined: 7/13/2006
Msg: 20
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 1:47:13 PM

ALRIGHT, MOST WOMEN SAID "HE LIKELY DOESN'T LOVE ME"
SO DO YOU STAY WITH GUY?
Once upon a time, long ago, yes. I stayed with my first bf even though he said "I don't love you" in response to my timid query, long after it was established that we were in a serious relationship and both talking like it was going to be forever. I was very young and very hung up on people being truthful and I valued his honesty very much. I also believed myself to be unloveable so I would not have been able to believe that he loved me at that time. The best I could hope for was that one day I'd be good enough that he'd love me. Oddly enough, he did love me at that time, as he told me many years later, he was just having trouble saying it, for reasons he didn't even understand himself.

After that, the words took on a meaning out of all perspective. So I met the guy who could say he loved me really easy, and didn't mean it at all. Another lesson.

Words really can mean nothing, but if you love and don't feel loved in return, it's not worth trying to maintain a relationship with that person, in my opinion. You'll stay with someone who you know doesn't love you if you don't feel that you're loveable, or if you're wishfully hoping to earn that love or to see them recover from the suffering that is preventing them from loving as easily as you do or.... there are many reasons, but I think all of them involve the hope that love will come, as it did to many in the past who married due to arrangements their parents made or political allegiances. Hope is a wonderful thing, but wishful thinking is dangerous, and the line between them can get pretty fuzzy when you're too close to it all.
 -Quicksilver
Joined: 10/6/2006
Msg: 21
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 8:59:13 PM
braindrain....Why would a guy stay with someone for a year when he didn't have feelings for her? A year is a long time to spend with someone in a relationship if you don't love them.

To answer your question....IF I felt that a guy didn't love me, not simply on the grounds that he didn't say it...but by the way I expressed in my earlier post, I would be gone long before that

On the flip side, everyone goes to their own pace, but not too many women are going to wait around that long for a man to decide whether he loves thems or not. You either do or you don't and saying it to make someone happy, so they will stick around a while longer....for what reason I can't imagine, doesn't really change the way you treat someone. The proof is in the pudding, not on the label.
 Leeanne
Joined: 10/14/2005
Msg: 22
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12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:07:53 PM
After 12 months I would think I am wasting my time and move on!! Like WTF is he waiting for - lightening to strike?!?! 12 months is more than long enough to know if you love someone - I wouldn't hang around to wait and see if he goes off to find someone he does love!! It's ultimatum time - or move on!
 ChaoticDreamer
Joined: 8/25/2006
Msg: 23
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:41:14 PM
It goes both ways. If the woman has only just realized she loves him after 12 months...maybe he's still on the path to understanding his feelings also. Maybe he's afraid to open up and be the first to say *I love you* since he isn't sure of her feelings.

Maybe....he was raised in a household where expressing emotions was taboo. There are so many reasons why he hasn't spoken those words yet. I think it unfair to make assumptions and show him the door based solely on assumptions. I'd say both parties need to sit and have a discussion on where they see this relationship in the future...if in fact there is a future with the relationship.
 talista
Joined: 10/11/2006
Msg: 24
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12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 9:51:13 PM
I wouldn't be around a guy for 12 months if he hadn't said the words. If we had been dating exclusively for enough time and I felt love for him I would express that. If he did not reciprocate within a certain time frame I wouldn't stick around. Usually that is much shorter than a year...probably half that (but that is just counting months of time exclusively dating.)

Waiting around an extra 6 months is just a waste of time. But it is all relative to how much time you spend with someone I suppose.
 Frolicking~in~Oregon
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 25
12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.
Posted: 6/25/2007 11:38:33 PM
Who says it's a long enough trial period? And why is it a trial period in the first place?

Did I miss some absolute rules somewhere? If so, I'm glad I did....
Show ALL Forums  > Ask A Girl  > 12 months and he hasn't said he loves you.