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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:38:17 AM | I could really use some advice because I honestly don't understand why no one wants to date me. I have been single now for three straight years with out so much as a fling in between. I am in my early 20's, I just graduated from college, I live with my parents since I just finished school, but am otherwise completely financially independent, I like going out and having a fun time, I have a good sense of humor, I have my own car, I have a full time job that I enjoy so hardly ever complain about, I am a very caring, reliable, dependable, and honest person, I am affectionate, and romantic, I almost always turned on (especially since I've been single this long), I am smart, I am worldly, I am classy, I am cultured, I'm outgoing, I'm a great speaker, I am very open minded, non-judgemental, extremely considerate, grateful, humble, sometimes selfless, witty, the list goes on. I consider myself to be an attractive girl. I'm a little on the heavy side, but I see people 5x's my size do quite well for themselves. I have a type that I'm interested in, but I'm not very into looks. I'm more interested in personality. People often tell me that the reason I'm single is because I want it too bad or I try too hard, but I think I do a good job of appearing breezy and confident when I'm around guys. I don't honestly understand why no one wants to date me. If I met a guy who had half as much going for them as I do I would never look at another guy again.  | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 12:46:41 AM | | You are not alone in that department! I, myself, am thinking the same as I have been single for nearly 10 months now, the main problem is to stop looking!! If you don't look, more than likely, a guy will start to pay attention. It's just the way the world works unfortunately! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:05:30 AM | So is it that you don't meet men, or that they just don't seem to want to date you? Have you thought that perhaps you are so busy being everything non-threatening to them, that they may believe you to be uninterested? I don't know - why is anyone single? Sometimes it works out that way. I don't imagine it will last - you being single, but it may not change overnight either, or in 3 years. Good things take time. But now that you have asked..... just wait for some of the answers.
There is also that old adage that when you stop looking for something you will find it..... could happen. Who knows.
My two bits worth.
jtf | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:27:08 AM | Humble ,with your last phrase ,I would hardly use the word humble to describe you.......
That is not an issue anyway, nothing wrong with you having standards, you will meet someone, jsut dont scare them away......
You have alot going for you, living at home is probably not interfering at all, but you may benefit from moving out and trying share accomodation, things will change for you....... you will grow
At the moment your probaly missing what people who have moved out have, experience and self dependence, so try it for a while, and see how life goes.....
It is a big decision, but you wont grow untill you do, could be the missing link........ | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:42:01 AM | Do you have room in your life for anyone else? Does not seem that way. As mentioned, humble may not be your defining characteristic.
That said and done, were I single and geographically compatible, weight would be the only obstacle to trying. "Body Type: Prefer Not To Say", "I'm a little on the heavy side" and no real pictures is not usually a good omen.
Protip: When you say you see women '5x your size' doing quite well, do not mistake men using fat women as easy targets for sex for meaningful relationships. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:38:54 AM | Wow, you are everything, I didn't have time to finish reading all your positive attributes,
you are pretty, but don't worry, I didn't even get my first girlfriend till I was 24, and I don't have half of the attributes you have,
are you perhaps fussy? or living in the wrong country, come to Oz. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:39:48 AM | | I cannot say why you don't have a boyfriend. All I can do, is to tell you what I've seen. I've seen some beautiful and successful women never get a boyfriend, and some really unattractive and unsuccessful women always have a boyfriend who really cared for them. The only thing in common with the women who always had a great boyfriend, was that they always seemed really happy, had a great smile, and would always be someone who made me feel good about myself, even when I just said hello. The other girls didn't make me feel good about myself. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 7:49:42 AM | Do you smile at the men? Do you walk through life with your head high, eyes open and welcoming? Or are you like most young women I've met? Too busy shopping/planning dinner/talking on the phone to see the guy across the way smile at you? So wrapped up in what they are doing to see the men?
Just some thoughts. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 8:02:44 AM | | I can sympathasize, but not explain. I've been married twice, both of whom cheated on me and used me a lot. Seem slike men complain that there are no nice women, then pass them all up. Do you find yourself with a lot of male friends? You are great to talk to when their down or need something, but they seem to want the ones that live off them or treat them bad. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 10:09:03 AM | | If I had the answer to your question, then I would be a millionaire. I mean I cannot hear your voice, I cannot really tell how you are really like as a person. Being a little bit on the heavy side is not such a big deal since many girls who are somewhat on the heavy side have dates all the time. Are you meeting men or around enough single men? Try to get to know more males. The more males you know, the better. Plus, one of them could introduce you to a guy looking for a nice girlfriend. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 11:42:37 AM | I don't know, is the answer
you seem an intelligent, good looking girl, why - who knows.
I've been single for 18 months and know how you feel. I recently went on a date with a really nice girl - also on this site, but since the date - she is ignoring me - i don't know why - she said I was a real gentlman - but I really want to know why she wont even talk to me - i don't know what i've done wrong - if anything - I guess thats just life....
Sorry to go on - but I believe it is a state of mind. You know what they say - when you're in a relationship, you get loads of offers, when you're not - no-one wants to know!
It's because you don't seem comfortable about who you are, and that can come across loud and clear to the oposite sex. Don't be offended - be happy with who you are, be confident but not arrogant, and be yourself more than anything and someone special will turn up, especially when you least expect it.
Lastly, is i lived in philli, i'd date you - unfortunately i live in england, so unless I go on hols to america, or you move to england............
you know the rest. Keep your head held high and soldier on. hope things improve . .take care | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:11:37 PM | | You come across as way too high on yourself from your post, and if that's how you come across in real life too, I can see why guys would have problems approaching you. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:19:55 PM |
If I met a guy who had half as much going for them as I do I would never look at another guy again.
Wow... such a lucky guy he would be, too.
I think you might want to reassess how others see you... just from this thread you may already notice drastic differences. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:27:58 PM | | I have PILES, thats my excuse :p !!!!!!!!!!!! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 1:52:48 PM | | OP, I don't think you're vain at all with how you described yourself. I think you're being very honest and objective and self-aware!! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:33:22 PM | I'll admit I haven't looked at your profile, but if your question pertains to why aren't you getting any interest/dates from this source (POF), you might want to submit your profile for review under that particular section.
Now, if your question instead pertains to why you're not dating someone right now or do not have an established relationship presently, no one can really answer that for you -- not even the guys here who've responded to your question here. If you've noticed a significant trend in your dating life (i.e. you date, but the relationships end over the same issue, and this happens several times with several different guys), the first step to changing it is to look within yourself and ask yourself what you're attracted to, and what about you is attracting guys who end relationships with you (or guys with whom you end relationships). Once you understand your own motivations (WHY you do the things you do) and desires (WHAT do your really want?), you'll have taken the first step toward changing your behavior or your approach to the world.
Here's one thing I did notice from your OP:
People often tell me that the reason I'm single is because I want it too bad or I try too hard, but I think I do a good job of appearing breezy and confident* when I'm around guys. *emphasis added
Perhaps your efforts should be in becoming truly confident, rather than trying to appear so. There is a difference, and although I think the first step toward deep confidence is to "act like you are", I think people have a real radar for when someone is really confident and when they are merely putting on a front. Be the most yourself you can possibly be, and you'll meet someone who likes you for who you are. Weird, I know -- it's simple, but it works. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 2:40:54 PM | Hey hunni it works at fifty too - sick to death of men saying in message cant see how the heck you are single?
So you agree to a date and they stand you up.
You agree to phone calls and he cuts you off in five minutes.
Men - they are the same at any age, a waste of time. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:03:23 PM | | Do you take the initiative and ask men out or are you just sitting back waiting & hoping you'll be asked out? | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:06:46 PM | There is nothing wrong with the way you look.
My 20 something year old, niece, met her boyfriend at the gym...
Have your girlfriends tried to fix you up?
I think your description of yourself was great.
I don't think all men are a waste of time.
I would like to be wasting some time with "my" man.
Hon, you are so young and just getting started.
If I were in your shoes, I'd enjoy those years that zip by way to quickly.
Nothing is wrong with you........it's who's passing you by, that's wrong.
ceeceekitty | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 3:32:40 PM | First of all this pissed me off.
[When you say you see women '5x your size' doing quite well, do not mistake men using fat women as easy targets for sex for meaningful relationships./]
Like an overweight woman could not actually be loved.
That said, when you meet guys are you trying to convince them of how wonderful you are? It just occured to me that you might be trying to sell yourself too much and are being a bit intimidating or are coming off as being conceited.
You might also want to keep in mind while looking at those women (who are 5x ) would you be with the guy she is with?.
Good things are worth waiting for. Stop trying so hard to sell yourself and just be yourself. Just being wonderful is much more appealing than telling people how wonderful you are. Sometimes I think women feel like "If he only knew I was blah blah.... he would want to be with me" so they over the top try to show or tell people how wonderful they are. hence when you stop looking you stop doing that.
To have good luck in your search you must stop searching so hard.
I hope it helps. Good luck! | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:01:49 PM | I think women put a man in box; they want him to be certain things. One young woman emailed me and she had a list of 20 things she wanted in a man. What happens when HE has list and she doesnt' meet all the standards.
I think people in general try so hard. They smother the person they are interested in, saying they are treating them well when all along it seems overwhelming.
Some also give this, "I'm single and I'll never have a man vibe." thats is rough.
Be yourself and if you are attracted to a certain man, get into activities where you can find that type of person.
Lets get real though; I think your 24. Men in their 20's in the u.s. and men in general; are looking for the hottest and wildest girl they can find. Girls gone wild has taken over and the sleazier a girl is, the better they like it. You may have to date someone a little more mature and sophisticated or older.
Again, it will happen. Dont' try so hard. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:05:48 PM | There may be several reasons here, some of which will probably repeat what others have said.
- If you have a lot of male friends you might be portraying yourself as someone who is good to have as a friend, but not one to be in a relationship with.
- Relating to why some less attractive individuals may be getting lots of "action" on the relationship scene, guys (though not all) will tend to be interested in someone that are seen to be desirable. That means that someone who gets interest from the opposite sex (regardless of how skinny or heavy they are), will generate more interest. I know from past experience, I have more often than not considered someone desirable, only after I've seen that they were able to attract others. I've lost count how many times this has happened.
- Relating to the previous point, it's like weight and your metabolism. When your metabolism is sluggish, it's hard to lose weight and easy to gain it. The only way to really lose weight is to try to improve it, but how do you boost your metabolism? Getting exercise. How do you change your dating metabolism? Have you approached any guys? According to your lists of qualities, you're outgoing, a great speaker, and confident around guys. You should have no problems then. Spend some time to go out and start up a conversation with a random guy who you might be potentially interested in and strike up a conversation. It doesn't matter if he turns out to not be the kind of guy for you, or is married. At least you tried. If you can't do that simple act, then you may want to re-evaluate your list of qualities.
- "I almost always turned on", seems to indicate that you may be portraying desperation, and might be scaring some of the guys away. If you're often told you want it too bad or that you try too hard, don't ignore that advice, but listen to it. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of INSANITY.
- How much time do you have to socialize with others or to put yourself out there? Where exactly have you been going trying to meet someone?
- You list a lot of traits which you may think you may possess, but theory tends to be different from reality. Depending on how you carry yourself, others might be misinterpreting your characteristics.
-Finally, if you're having problems on PoF, make an honest effort to change the Body Type on your profile. You're not doing yourself any favors by having PNTS and only having head shots. If someone isn't interested in a bigger girl, hiding that fact won't help if he ends up meeting you. If you're too big for him, he won't stick around to discover your wonderful personality. If you're going to have PNTS for Body Type, get some sort of full body shot up so that people can make a decision whether they want to or not.
- Smile. Your best picture is the one with the white shirt. Even if your teeth may not appear blindingly white, you'd appear more comfortable with yourself if it was your main picture. Until I actually looked to see if your teeth in the picture looked white or not, I didn't even notice what color they were.
So, what is your plan now?
Edit: You say you have "a type" that you're interested in, but you're only 24, and you probably have no clue to exactly what you want. Just some ideals that may or may not be accurate. Add to the fact that you've been single for 3 years, and that just adds more confusion to the mix. I would guess that most people don't really know what they want until they close in on their 30's, then the picture becomes clearer regarding the patterns they've been following. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:17:20 PM | | I don't have to ask myself that question; a lot of girls online actually ask me why I'm still single. Like I say on my profile, if I knew, I wouldn't be here. It's been almost a year since my last girlfriend, but I like to believe I had my first break-up with my first true love, and those are the hardest to get over. But I'm over her and here I am. When it comes to meeting anyone, you should try to seem very easy to approach, so although I'm specific on my profile, I'm very approachable for anyone and about anything; anyone who messages me gets a reply. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:18:03 PM | OP I've had a lot of lady work colleagues at your age with the same 'problem'.
You need to learn patience is all. Some women have men all over the place and others have no man for 5 years or more. There nothing wrong with either. Just relax and be happy and go socialise for other reasons and develop more opportunities.
There's nothing 'wrong' with being single. As for such things as 'loneliness' you can actually feel lonelier when in a relationship (I've read one of your other posts and I think you'll know what I mean) when the the person is giving you the cold-shoulder than you can when you are actually alone.
The danger for you isn't not getting a b/f; it's jumping the gun too soon. Patience, mate. | |
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| Why am I single?
Posted: 4/30/2008 4:35:40 PM | Living with your parents does not equal financial independence. Just an FYI.
Now, for your question. You seem to be awfullt stuck on yourself and how much you rock. I personally don't get a sense of you being "humble" from the tone and words of your post. Maybe you should get over yourself a bit. See how that works for you. | |
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