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LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

should i stay or shoul i go when yhigs are not the way i want Posted: 6/21/2006 11:51:29 AM
I think you need to get rid of this guy as soon as you get a decent job. He is dragging you down you sound really miserable. I'm sure being 'alone' will actually motivate you OUT of this rut, but as long as you stay with him it will only get worse. That being said, you cannot blame someone else for your lack of motivation or weight gain. Your insecurities stem back from way before this idiot was around. Once you work on yourself and are at a better place emotionally, you will start attracting the right people who will encourage you and want to see you happy. He obviously does not want that for you. Relying on a man for your self-esteem and finances is a dangerous mind-set, you only end up being disappointed. You would be surprised how strong you are and how much you are capable of, if you only believed in yourself and put these fears behind you. Don't count on meeting the man you want to marry, BE that man you want to marry. Independance stemming from a strong sense of self-worth is the greatest gift you can give yourself, ultimately making you a better partner for someone else. the RIGHT someone else, of whom you will NEVER find if you stay with this guy.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

I'll review you. But no crying Posted: 6/15/2006 12:27:08 PM
K take a crack at mine...

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 303 (view)

Why do guys always do this to me? Does anyone else have this problem?... Posted: 6/15/2006 12:01:48 PM
Guys are doing it to you because you let them. And semi-stalking someone after you notice he's avoiding you definitely makes him think he made the right choice. You knew him for a month and your crying? Sigh....Next time please be weary of guys who tell you they love you right away. Your not in a good place for the right guy yet, the right guy for you will run as well if he met you at tis point in your life. YOU need to change.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

How many is too many? Marriages I mean . . . Posted: 6/2/2006 12:00:12 PM
I don't care what the circumstances are two is the limit. How a person can not be turned off by two failed attempts at marriage is beyond me. How someone would attempt at a third and potential strike is WAY WAY WAY beyond my comprehension. After two attempts you must realize your just not the marrying kind, or maybe you really are extremely unlucky but ultimately marriage is a CHOICE. Personally I would not date seriously a double divorcee, no way.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

a question for the 'socialites' Posted: 6/2/2006 11:50:24 AM
cynicalgirl, Who you kidding girlfriend look at your profile pics, talk about contradictions. I'm onto you. No lack of partying going on in your life, as should be the case when your 21 fo' sho'!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Been in a relationship for almost 2 years now Posted: 6/2/2006 11:37:54 AM
Question: Does your gf know about you being on POF? Hmmmmm....

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Woman are you relly ready to settle down? Why now? Posted: 6/2/2006 10:12:09 AM
Depends what you mean by 'settle down' and who is doing the settling down? Settle down does not have to include marriage and familial responsibilities. Actually, wouldn't that be considered more of a 'settle up'? Not much down time involved in that type of settling down. The term settle down is deceiving. If sitting on the couch watching movies all the time and getting fat because I'm attached is settling down (as it is to many), then no thank you. Then there are the party people who at one point may want to put the bars behind them, one reason being their circle has done just that. Kind of a forced, reluctant settle of down. Or perhaps they over-dosed on muscle relaxants or thier liver is starting to come out of their belly button and in consequence they realize they have to settle it right down. Can't forget thoses who are againg, the ones who are experiencing the empty nest? Perhaps living in an old age home is a way to settle down. Actually, come to think of it, it is probably the most accurate portrayal of the true settling down. I mean c'mon how can you argue that sitting around waiting to die is not settling down? To me however, settling down means having my finances in order and being able to live independantly and getting so sick of knowing myself inside out that hell I'll want to get to know someone else. The RIGHT someone else. And no gettin fat!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 38 (view)

Am I sticking my nose where it doesnt belong? Posted: 6/1/2006 1:48:22 PM
r & c: Please read orignal thread, if pretending to go out in a group to get an unsuspecting guy (in this case, her ex's friend) to go out with you is not a form of active pursuit I don't know what is. And P.S. LOYALTY had everything to do with relationships, ALL types.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

The time between to boyfriends... Posted: 6/1/2006 12:22:42 PM
This is a common phenomena but very dangerous. The intentions are rarely congruent when two people who used to date fall into this pattern. Person A: A is in it because they still want to be with B and hope that by sleeping with B, it will detract B from finding someone else. "If I stick around long enough they will just stop looking". And/or A hopes to make B realize how loyal A is and that B will come back to them emotionally to re-start a second chapter of their relationship. The intent of A is to try to win B back, or just be there just in case B does not find anyone else or anyone better. A is not looking for someone else, they are stuck in an emotional whirlwind that I must admit, A put her/himself in. True, A is getting something out of the relationship, sex, but in the end A is going to get something far worse, a broken heart. Person B: B is in it because they may have enjoyed the sex with A while they were together and/or they have not found someone else yet so they are thinking why the hell not? B is actively interested in seeing other people and would ditch A in a heart-beat if someone better came along, or someone came along period. Person B most likely had spelled out their intentions to A (and vice versa), and view A's intentions as A's problem, not theirs. Person B is the selfish one in this realtionship, he/she is using A and taking advantage of A's affections. A is letting them so B feels it is o.k, that is how they justify their actions to themselves. I have seen this A/B ex-sex thing play out time and time again, luckily I am neither an A nor B type-ex. Whatever led to the break-up is enough of a turn-off to me to never look back. I believe that if one is an ex-sexer it would be because of A or B tendancies and that is WRONG, at least in my books. Both A and B are responsible for the reprocussions of this unhealthy relationship. NOTE: I am generalizing in my comments above of course. I do realize that there may be exes in this situation that mutually intend to be that B in eachother's lives. BUT I still think it is wrong for the very fact that these B's often linger after the other B has commenced a new relationship and that could cause complications and cheating down the road.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Am I sticking my nose where it doesnt belong? Posted: 6/1/2006 11:55:24 AM
You still have a crush on this girl? Geezuz. What kind of person is she that she would actively pursue her ex's friend? Did she like him while you two were going out? In my world you would have every right to stick your nose in this nonsense between them. Where's the integrity on her part, or respect for what you once had? What ever happened to personal standards and boundaries? And how about morals? Geeezuz people! People like that are the ones who are most likely to cheat, I can't prove it but I can bet my right arm I'm right!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

The ones we can't forget Posted: 6/1/2006 11:46:41 AM
The one who was he sleaziest lying cheater I ever encountered. Go figure. I suck.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Choice or Opportunity? Posted: 6/1/2006 11:18:35 AM
The choosing occurs after the opportunity is presented.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 55 (view)

Would you go to a restaurant and eat alone? Posted: 5/31/2006 1:53:46 PM
I think you have not grown up until you do. Are there really people out there who can't? Talk about being uncomfortable in one's shoes. I've left the country on my own numerous times, no issues. P.S. No really, there are people out ther who can't?

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 235 (view)

Can women really go without sex???? Posted: 5/31/2006 11:17:56 AM
ezp, Perhaps I chose the wrong word: "challenge". What I MEANT is I would want to sleep with someone who thought I was special, and who would not boink half the female population if he could, including my mother . I have high standards that go beyond much more than the physical and I want to sleep with guys who are like-minded. Alot of men can sleep with girls they don't even like that much, or care to know. I know guys who have slept with girls they don't even find very attractive. Beer goggles is definitely mre of a male phenomena. I also said MOST men don't know what they are doing, and I'm sticking to it. I've come accross a few good ones in my lifetime. How would you know you are really pleasing your partner anyway, women are pro's at faking orgasms, but then again men are pro's at faking whole relationships...lolol.. How's that for sexism?

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 49 (view)

Is he making a fool of me??? Posted: 5/31/2006 10:34:58 AM
Who the hell wants to be married to a serial spouse? Sounds like your well on your way my dear. And more importantly why would you want to jump from one marriage to another so fast? Also sounds like you cheated on your husband with this guy, although I could be wrong. I wouldn't go near you with a ten foot pole, let alone marry you. You types of people scare me. Sorry to be so blunt.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 140 (view)

Alone too long?? Posted: 5/31/2006 8:24:45 AM
Awwwww, I'm there too!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 231 (view)

Can women really go without sex???? Posted: 5/31/2006 6:28:16 AM
Yes I can go without sex, I am going without sex. Probably at stage three going onto critical by now....LOL! I miss it but at this point in my life sex would have to be with someone I'm in a relationship with. Oh brother, that could take another few years...sigh... Helps to know I can get sex from just about anybody I want. But then again so can any other half-decent looking woman. Where's the challenge in that? Plus most men aren't very good at it anyway. I'm not into faking orgasms sorry. Bop!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 231 (view)

Online Cheaters Posted: 5/31/2006 6:14:27 AM
Probably going to slack for my two cents but what was the point of telling her, I can bet my right arm she will put those blinders back on and stay with this idiot, most women do. How pathetic, glad I'm not her. Was in a similar situation except I was in a relationship with a cheater (unbeknownst to me), I kicked his ass to curb and never looked back, although he made it very hard. Funny, this is a guy who had someone and he was pursuing me and my lonely ass had to be the strong one and tell him where to go. Anyway, my point is his significant other must of known on some level anyway, if she has the blinders on she most certainly will keep them on. Most women only get more protective of what is theirs, blame the other women and take their men back. Especially if they are just married. So yes I could have tracke her down and spilled the bills, hotel bill receipts, years of emails, the whole she-bang but really what is that going to do? I'll still be heart-broken, she will still be with him, and he will be more clever about concealing his cheating ways. Lose-lose either way. Let fate take over if there is a such a thing.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Feeling rather Bitter here-what ever happened to Karma? Posted: 5/29/2006 8:42:41 AM
I checked into Bitterville quite some time ago and I'm still here and I need to get the hell out because I will never be happy here. It sucks here. It affects my moods and my ways of thinking in a negative, cynical way that any person with a half a sense of intuition can detect from amile away. Sometimes I'm able to get to the outskirts but that's as far as I can go because I can't let go. He has his cake and eats it too, extra whip cream and m&m peanuts to boot. Me? Well, I can't even manage to scrape crumbs off the bowl. Been here too long, no such thing as Karma because that would entail people getting what they deserved. Life is unfair, nobody is keeping score in this life because if someone was, little babies would not be getting molested, drug dealers would not be rolling around in their expensive cars, cheaters woud not be able to have their cake and eat it too and shitty evil people would spontaneously combust. There's only one person who can check me out of Bitterville and that's ME, not some guy on a horse in shining armour. Happiness is not measured by who you are in a relatonship with and if you are in one at all. Jumping from relationship to relationship does not render someone happy although we tell ourselves people like this are better off. Better off than bitter I guess....

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 880 (view)

Why are you single? Posted: 5/26/2006 1:26:35 PM
I'm really starting to get fed up with this "why are you single" dance from the outside world because I am starting to internaize it. Like being single is a disease, yes, I'm a chronic singleton please pity me for the love of god. If you asked many people in a relationships or marriages why they are married I bet love would not be the answer you received every time, or even half that time. Asking eachother and ourselves why we are single assumes that it is NEGATIVE thing. This type of thinking is exactly why people 'settle', as in, staying in crappy relationships. There are alot of people who are not single and damn miserable, we all know that. Many people on this thread are blaming themselves for this god-awful disease and although in some cases it IS the individual, let's remember that it takes TWO to sustain a relationship of any sort. It takes TWO mentally and emotionally stable people with relatively little baggage and enough chemistry to get them through the tough times and achieve a minimally fufilling relationship. I often think of the many layers that we have to uncover before even getting to the relationship bit. Think about it: You have to be in the right place at the right time (yes this includes dating sites), then you have to be attracted to the person, then that person has to be attracted to you (see where the 'it takes TWO' requirement starts?), then they have to be available or at least that is the case for for me; apparently some people waive this requirement out of their own selfishness, desperation or lack of self-respect. Avaiability is not as easy as it may sound. Available people are hard to come by (physically, mentally, and emotionally). Not done yet, o.k., so you have just passed the attraction stage, most surely the easiest hurdle but what comes next? The personality of the other person has to be compatible with yours. That's TWO people that are willing to spend endless amounts of time with eachother without killing eachother (quite a feat for me I may add quite reluctantly). Then what about interests, and their circle of friends. Their family? Your family? Do you get along with their family and their freinds? Do theirs mesh with you and yours? Another complicated layer right there. I'm starting to get dizzy... Oh wait, not done, can't forget about sexual chemistry now can we? The way they smell, the way your phermones interact. Can you touch eachother and please eachother the way you both want and need? Of course you need to value sex and the amount of it in your lives or someone may end up disatisfied and/or cheating. And then say you get through all thse layers and their ex who they are still in love with but didn't know it comes crawling back to them and they leave you? How about if tradgedy strikes and you don't handle it in the same way? What if they change? What if you change? What about cheating at the workplace? Addictions? So many things can turn an initailly good relationship sour. It's a wonder how people get together in the first place. And then to stay together? Boggles my mind really truly it does!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Can a person be happy in a relationship in which they are a serial cheater? Posted: 5/25/2006 1:16:55 PM
dahiliakitten: Yes I suppose you are right, the situation is making me a little angry and bitter. Why should he go around doing whatever he wants and have this girl love him and then there is me, who would NEVER be like that (in or out of a relationship) and I am without romantic love. I know I should not compare myself to other people, especially when they are in those types of situations and I learned a long time ago life is most certainly not fair so I guess I am bitter. How's that for honesty?

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 67 (view)

What have made you become who you are today? Posted: 5/25/2006 1:10:32 PM
The older I get the more I see how much like my parents I have become (their good and bad traits). It's kind of scary actually, good thing my parents are 1) good, 2) highly moral, 3)hard-working people. Two out of three isn't so bad. Without my parents I would never have been able to achieve all that I have up to this point, they gave me the resources to follow my dreams, but at the same time instilled the value of a hard-earned dollar. I am told every day that I am loved and perhaps I am spoiled even well in my adult years. My parents are great, but they are not perfect. There are certain things that they did that perhaps had a negative impact on me to this day. Because of the generation and culture gap, my parents believed in using physical force as punishment even though they will swear to god today that it never happened. The immediate shame and longer-term consequence of spaking your children is a legacy that ended with me. It doesn't work, and I am dead-set against it. Also my father's disdain for anyone who I date is quite disturbing but that's another story..... I'd say law school comes a close second, resulting in my chosen career path as a paid liar..oops, I meant lawyer. The years of intense study and preparation for lawyering chooses changes the way you think. Add a psychology dgree i the mix and you have a very analytical person, to my detriment at times for sure. Finally, I'd have to say the death of my 21 year old sister changed me, not really for the better in some ways. The experience renders me a more cynical person, albeit a sympathetic cynical person. I know the value of a life believe me, and that also changes the way you view yourself and others.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Can a person be happy in a relationship in which they are a serial cheater? Posted: 5/25/2006 12:03:12 PM
Well this man is quite wealthy, and he does wine and dine women in adition to snorting copious amounts of nose candy during his trysts (another love affair his fiance is kept in the dark about). Also, his business trips make great alibis for the time being. Not so sure how he will be able to hide his double life as good as he has when he is living under the same roof as her. Common sense says no he can't be happy with her or himself but he insists he is.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Can a person be happy in a relationship in which they are a serial cheater? Posted: 5/25/2006 11:26:44 AM
This question has been on my mind for some quite some time and I can't quite figure it out. I used to know a serial cheater who is now engaged to be married and is still actively cheating. This person is relentless in his pursuit of single, unsuspecting victims (of which include his soon-to-be wife) to cheat with. He is dishonest with these girls and his fiance yet he still plans on marrying her and insists the relationship is good. He does however, admit to being messed up (really??? no way!). I'm hypothesizing low self-esteem and a fear of getting older mixed with a major commitment phobia. He attributes the upcoming union on external pressures (as in his friends are all doing it and their parents are nagging them) as to the main reason why they are getting married, and also the fact that he does not want her to be with anyone else. He calls their relationship 'tangly and complicated', due to years of being together. I don't know about you guys but I would not want to marry someone I was in a tangly compicated relationship with, or someone who cheated throughout the entire time we were courting (and I'm talking about full-fledged relationships on the side here). I guess it just boggles my mind how he can put ring on her finger then repeatedly cheat or attempt to do so on her like it's nothing. His justification for his actions are that "what she does not know won't hurt her". Is that true? Do any of you believe that? I'm not too sure anymore, they are still going strong years later...it can't be right though?

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

When should you give up? Posted: 5/17/2006 10:42:51 AM
He's just not that into you.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

why do I (+ most women) love assholes?? Posted: 5/17/2006 10:31:33 AM
Yes I would have to agree with tarheelman, plenty of jerks all over the place...to just chase one that won't give you the time of day will make you feel even more horrible. Why torture yourself, you know what happens when guys like that realize YOU have moved on (or at least think you have, if only you would stop contacting him)? They come crawling back like the dogs that they are. It sounds like you are in critical ultra-desperation mode, we have all been there sister, including myself. This road will bring you nowhere, you need to get the hell off it and spend more time with your friends and pampering yourself. Don't let this guy make you feel like less of a person than he is just because he has a new girlfriend. He's probably just as desperate if not more. In fact, most jerks are. Self-confidence comes from within, find other ways to feel good about yourself than attention from guys. Who cares how many guys flirt with or ask you out? Most guys would give EVERY girl with at least one nipple and a leg a chance in the sack. Yes it's sad, I know. Chances are he doesn't even like this new girl and even if he does you need to start letting go. Crying pathetically begging someone back and semi-stalking them is NOT going to make them come back, guarenteed, and it's not very attractive either. If you have to convince someone to be with you, it is not meant to be you need to accept it.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Back to the ex! Posted: 5/12/2006 8:53:17 AM
I would have to agree with my fellow forum buddies on this one. This man clearly wants to have his cake and eat it too. I too have been in a semi-similar situation and it ended with my heart being broken (of course). I'm still not over it suffice to say. I will put forth the series of events that lead to my misery, of which I would like to note is mostly my fault. I take full responsibility for what happened to me, to blame someone else for your bad choices is unacceptable and shows lack of insight and maturity in my opinion. If we could blame our parents, significant others, friends or enemies or what have you for our down falls nobody would allow themselves to LEARN from THEIR mistakes and evolve into stable, emotonally healthy human beings. My story: 1. I meet this incerdibly charming man, sparks flew. 2. After the second or third date I slept with him (bad choice). He shortly thereafter told me had 'issues' but did not divulge futher. I still saw him after that figuring what the heck don't we all (bad bad choice)? 3. 6 months later, he brings up the topic of his ex girlfriend, of whom he admits to talking to as friends. I tell him it bothers me but I ask no further questions (blinders back on, bad choice again). 4. Another 6 months go by, I am in Australia and we correspond often and he tells me SHE wants him back, that he is confused. After this point the word 'confused' comes up often. Not sure if he meant about me and her, or just him and her. Now in retrospect he meant about him and her but my blinders were still on (willingly, bad bad bad choice). I get back from down under and he clearly misses me, we see eachother more and more often. 5. Another 4 months goes by, he gets back from a vacation and wants to 'have a break", the first of several from this point on. I tell him that I understand (when I do not, bad choice), I give him his space (I always have) and he comes crawling back two weeks later. 6. The next year is a series of paragraph 5 repititions. I take him back every time (incredibly bad choices), at this point I know he is also seeing her and it is clear he is torn. 7. One month later, I get 'banned' from his house. His parents forbid me to step foot in the house. I never met them, or any of his friends for that matter (blinders for sure). Please note this man is 35 years old and still lives at home. 8. Another 3 months, I finally tell him I cannot do this anymore and I put my foot down. I write him detailed memo of why I can't go on, and kindly ask him to refer back to it when he is tempted to beg for me back. He finally admits to have been seeing her and is back together with her. He said they were togther 7 years and only apart for a year. You do the math. He was juggling the both of us. I knew about her, of course she had no clue I existed. He also divlged that it was she who inssited on getting back together with him, and both of their parents, and he did not want her to be with anyone else and that was the reason they got back together. I did not believe him (blinders off for once). 9. No contact rule is strictly enforced by me (good choice). He cannot abide by it. Uses every excuse in the book to contact me. 10. 4 months later, after another pathetic attempt to contact me, I call his bluff and tell him I know he is engaged (which I am sure he is at this point). From the little he has told me about their relationsip I infer that the purpose of getting back togeher was marriage, of which he is scared to death (most likely the reason they broke up). 11. Last week, still trying to desperately to get me to see him. So pathetic and predictable. Of course I stick to my guns (great choice). I am very mean and say I don't deal with CHEATERS but this does not seem to deter him. He's a relentless **stard. Events not yet to occur: 12. This summer, most likely marrying her. 13. Shortly thereafter, stalking me. 14. Two years from now, divorce, he'll call me to be his lawyer. Please note I have told CHEATER to his face that I believe 12,13 and 14 will occur. I'm smarter than him, stronger than him and for sure better than him. I could have saved myself alot of trouble and heart ache if I did not CHOOSE to have those damn blinders on. Moral of the story? You always know, don't be blind. If you let a man have his cake and eat it too, he will, and it is YOUR fault. I will only get involved with men who are AVAILABLE (in all senses), this has become a necessary standard. I have learned, I am strong, this has made me stronger. Blinders in the trash permanently!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 115 (view)

Are Men Intimidated By A Woman Who Is More Successful? Posted: 5/12/2006 7:43:03 AM
Hmmm...I am having the same problem. I intimidate men, sometimes I downright scare them. Howver, I don't think it is only because I am more successful, hold a better job or make more money than most men. I think it is the underlying personality traits that drove me to success that are the true source of the intimidation. I am speaking of the independance, the drive, the strong personality, the wit, the sarcasm, the attitude (when it's called for of course), the discipline...type A all the way baby! I always found it quite ironic and I'll admit with an added twinge of bitterness that men in the same boat as I do not have this problem, in fact, these traits work for them in finding and sustaining relationships. When I was in law school my male collegues were generally never at a loss for a date, be it the check out girl at the supermarket, the girl who sits next to him in Contracts, the school secretary, even their bloody relatives (ew, I know)...But some of us women had problems and continue to do so today. We as successful woman are not nearly as coveted as our male counterparts as life-mates. It is slightly discouraging, although I hold onto the hope that one day someone will be brave enough to appreciate these things, or perhaps he will much more 'successful' than me. Speaking about successful, women's and men's standards of successful do vary, I may be successful according to most men's standards, but not my own and many other woman because I do not have a significant other in my life. I have accomplished so much in my life thus far and I still look back to all my achievements with a hint of sadness because I did not have that special someone to share it with. Societal gender roles have contributed to me sometimes feeling it is all worthless without a man, that I nothing without a man. I know this is not true but I can't help feeling that way sometimes...sigh... Chin up, he'll walk into you life one day...and mine:)

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Ive been used to Posted: 5/10/2006 11:11:52 AM
This is exactly why I don't sleep with anyone until I am SURE they are into me and not sleeping with anyone else. On the flipside I would also like to note that I'm quite sexually deprived. How's that for honesty? Oh well, at least I'm sticking to my guns...bop!

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 160 (view)

Execution by Brutal Honesty Posted: 5/9/2006 10:33:06 AM
How about mine doc?

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

good reply...... Posted: 5/4/2006 12:06:44 PM
I meet plenty of men, all the time, and I still have not 'found' someone. Not sure how to find that special person, but I have a theory or two about why others seem to find him/her, one after the other after the other.... I am quite positive that many many many people lie to themselves when they meet certain members of the the opposite sex and convince themselves they have found 'the one', when in actuality they have not. People want to be in relationships so badly that they will make it happen. they will overlook warning signs and compromise their standards. I am not saying this is a bad thing. I for one, would not mind to possessing this trait at times. This "He is the one and I don't care if I have known him a total of two hours and that he does not have a job and that he dated my best girlfriend because I need to get over the last jerk" mentality that actually results in spending less nights by your lonesome. People like this also get a alot more sex, but is it good sex? Are these relationships meaningful? Are they even REAL? It is hard to finfd the RIGHT person because relationships (unfortunately for some) involve TWO people so this can get quite complicated. Especially in this day and age where everyone is looking for perfection in a partner, but are far from perfect themselves. You would think in the age of internet dating it would be easier, to be honest the internet dating thing has done more harm trhan good. A great way for cheaters and players to prey on women, not to mention pedophiles and other sick perverts. Geeezuz. Hang in there, if there is no hope left it will never happen.

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 66 (view)

Dysfunctional & Disturbed Posted: 5/4/2006 9:17:19 AM
Am I on drugs? I am not going to stoop down to an ultra-arrogant ignorant level so I will choose to ignore that unwarrented comment. Please read what I wrote carefully, it is easier for a man to CHOOSE when and with whom he will settle down. Even in this day and age it is the MAN who chooses if he wants to take a woman on a date, it is the MAN who decides if the relationship will go further, and it is MOST CERTAINLY up to the MAN TO PUT A RING ON HER DAMN FINGER. These are all descisions are made by the MEN, they have been made by the men for thousands of years and no you don't have to be on drugs to figure it out. I also noted the fact that men do not always make the RIGHT choice, however, the ball is still in your court even in this day and age. It is a reality. Drugs are for those who are wish to escape reality so not sure how you would make that connection....

LusciousLitigator

Joined: 11/13/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

Dysfunctional & Disturbed Posted: 5/3/2006 1:59:04 PM
I'm not even sure if this will come up, I've hidden my profile which might sound a little shady but it is quite necessary. Anyhow, I have been following this blog and contemplating the very question you ask yourself in regards to myself and I have not come up with anything definitive. I am a SINGLE 28 year old female (I guess we are the same age in maturity, you being 36..hehe...not a joke) and I already feel pressure to be in a relationship. I am a lawyer, I have my own condo, an awesome family, tonnes of wacky friends, a relatively good perspective on things (except of course when it comes to men). I am extremely well-travelled, good looking, sexy, fit, intelligent, funny as hell and yes maybe a little disturbed but definitely not dysfunctional, although that would depend who talked to;) O.k. this us sounding like a personals ad onto itself back to my conclusions..... People are asking you 'why' you have not settled down because you are a man and we all know it is much easier for a man to be able to chose when and with whom to do so. Not to say that men are making the right choices or are with the right mates. God forbid a man not seize the oppurtunity to get married when all his pals are running to the alter, wouldn't want to miss the boat now would we? Funny a woman at 36 never married would probably illicit too much sympathy for someone to dare utter the magic 'why' word. And also funny to note that these men who get married because they are given ultimatums and because that is what they are 'supposed' to be doing are the same guys relentlessly pursuing women like me because they are unhappy in thier relationships, not to mention themselves. We are forced to internalize the reasons why we have not found that special someone because society critically tells us we are nothing without a mate, even when most people who are hooked up are in the most un-enviable relationships. "There must be something wrong with me". And yes, there is something wrong with us, whether it be the fact that we have unrealistic expectations, subconciously chose the 'wrong' people or are maybe are truly dysfunctional. But c'mon now, Karla Homolka has no problems jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend. There are many eccentric, insecure, jealous, mean, dysfunctional people who are in relationships. It is not so much about about you, but about who you chose. Relationships (unfortunately for some) involve TWO people, you can be the greatest person in the world, but if you are with the wrong person for you, it will never work. Now my friend, I must admit the women you have fallen for in the past sound less than appealling, it's pretty scary actually. We CHOSE who we want to date, so when things do not work out we need to take responsibility, learn from it and try not to make the same mistakes. However, finding the right mate also involves an element of luck. As in all areas of life, some people get luckier than others. Too bad you can't work at FINDING the right person (otherwise I wuld be the first), but it does take work to sustain a healthy relationship. Work that our "me me me, all about me" generation is not prepared to do. Also I would like to note that I noticed you are from a place that is foreign to me, I am not too sure where you are located on the map, but I'm presuming it is not close to the city. Geography could also play a part in your situation. Not many available single anything over yonder I'm guessing. There are PLENTY of people in the same boat in the city, the pond really is that much bigger and with that increased chances of finding 'the one'. So you see, many factors at play here. It is a bit of everything, it's you, it's me, it's the women you choose, it's your luck, it's where you live, it's society...it's everything. It's complicated. There is no definitive answer. It just is. It will come they say, maybe it won't, either way we need to be happy with ourselves before we are able to find true long-lasting love. Or maybe that's a bunch of bullshit, however sometimes actually do believe it on my less than cynical days. All I know is that without hope it will never happen. There...my two cents.

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