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Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Woman and UFC Posted: 11/28/2009 12:07:19 PM
What I did say is why do they and what do ladies get out of it when they are on a date. It would true me off to see a lady getting off on two guys beating the sh-t out of each other.They wouldn't watch two guys fight after the bar,and yes I no the differance between the two. OP, that's cool. However file this under the same category as women that think it is a complete turn-off to view men leaning up against their motorcycle. Why do some women like watching UFC? Probably for the same reason you like to lean against your motorcycle. They like it. If UFC turns you off, skip over those profiles, for no doubt some women are skipping over your profile when they see the motorcycle. At the end of the day, we like our preferences.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Messaging People You Have Nothing in Common with Posted: 11/28/2009 11:33:46 AM
This topic has been done to death: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts12266278.aspx http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts11692057.aspx http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts2714834.aspx

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

What if you got an email reply that was obviously a forward? :help: Posted: 11/28/2009 10:18:51 AM
Oh boy Truthfully I think anyone that gets a copy and paste email isn't going to like it. I know I wouldn't. I am sorry even if there was great banter I would still be turned off by it. I know I would rather wait til they have time to answer me with what I call real words than have a slipshod job of it. Don't beat yourself up too hard over this, just learn and go from there. I agree. (And keep in mind that the following is for the situation where a woman doesn't intend to note to the guy that it is a copy-and-paste job ... that is a different situation ...) Personally I consider that the woman was too lazy for me to spend my time with - and frankly I'd rather get an e-mail later or not at all than a copy-and-paste. It really doesn't put you in a flattering view. If you're going to play with fire with cut-and-paste, prepare to get burned. And as for guys not noticing, think again. Just remember - guys just don't always note everything that they observe. Hence (IMHO) the reason for half of all of the, "Gee, why doesn't the guy call me anymore," threads on this board ... Personally, we'd rather just deep-six the head games than be a part of them. And in some ways, I prefer it that a woman does a cut-and-paste job on me if that is her inclination; in the spirit of what DavidPiano mentioned in another thread about women taking pictures of themselves half-drunk partying, it helps weed out the undesirables for me. Like I said, I don't like wasting my time. edit: And I've got to remember this thread ... to link to in order to help answer the, "Gee, why doesn't the guy call me anymore," threads - a perfect Exhibit A ...

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Using the N word Posted: 11/28/2009 6:22:09 AM
I think you are "slightly" overreacting. Personally, I'd go with what LeftofNormal said and give him a chance. If he's not willing to change his ways, then yeah - write him off.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Using the N word Posted: 11/28/2009 5:40:24 AM
I'd go with what LeftofNormal said. And to expand on it a little, when I was engaged to my ex-wife, my father came up to visit us here in Northern Indiana. Though I never grew up in this area (I grew up in the Southwest), my father did. Well, she talked with my father about herself and her family. After the conversation, my dad pulled me over and said at a later time, "You know, her mother's side of the family is from Kentucky." I just gave him a blank look ... but then he highlighted to me that when he was growing up, the assumption was that everyone from Kentucky was a redneck or a hillybilly. My dad got his Masters degree in Nuclear Physics and a MBA. For such a smart man, he really could say some stupid things. (RIP dad ... I still love you ... but you believed in me telling the truth ...) Anyways, roughly 12 years later, my company is being bought up and I've been one of the lucky ones to get a job with the new company. It is a plant engineering job, so I have to move. Three guesses where that will be ... Yeah, karma has a funny way of catching up with you. You might want to highlight that to your friend as well.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Woman and UFC Posted: 11/27/2009 7:24:49 PM
1) For the same reason why some women put that they are into motorcycles. They believe it will improve their chances to attract men - many who like motorcycles and UFC. 2) Some women just like UFC, just like they like motorcycles. People sometimes are drawn to violence.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

He said Let's be friends and really meant it? Posted: 11/27/2009 7:14:28 PM
^^^ - Because as guys, we have the ability to "brush a woman off" when it comes to a romantic relationship, but still want to be her friend. We still want to be in contact with our friends. From reading what you put, my take on it is that he is shooting you down. He doesn't want to "practice on each other" and just wants to keep your relationship platonic.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Her name keeps following me - what gives? Posted: 11/27/2009 11:17:24 AM
Didn't they make a movie called "Heathers" that went into this ... If there's a woman that has been stuck only dating guys with my first name (Loren), I'll be very impressed ... I agree with what was said above; just think of all of the poor slobs in the future dating Emmas ... http://www.ssa.gov/OACT/babynames/

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not? Posted: 11/26/2009 6:57:10 PM
I can't see myself running to 7-11 to get a pre-paid phone when i'm perfectly content with my cell phone company - just so I could meet a guy on-line. Who said anything about leaving your phone company; the women I was discussing earlier have their regular which they use for all of their friend and relatives, and they have a pre-paid phone for the potential boyfriends. Thus, no chance of having disgruntled potential boyfriends chasing you down through your phone. As for additional costs, it basically the cost of going out drinking for a night - not a king's ransom. I really don't understand why people are insistent on talking on the phone! Well, we did mention it on the first page: I guess I'm with E-Keys and cowboy on this one - I'd like to at least have one conversation over the phone before meeting. Now keep in mind that it isn't like that my best medium is the phone - I felt sorry for my mother since the men in our family were not great on the phone. However, (a) I'd want to hear their voice first before a date and (b) I want to see if there is any conversation between us. I don't think the call needs to take hours, but there should be some communication. Other than the safety issues, I also don't like talking on the phone because I have constant interruptions wether it be call waiting (usually business calls), or the kids vying for my attention. If we meet, I silence the phone, the kids are at a friends or sitter, and you have my undivided attention. I can appreciate where you are coming from on this: actually, if you mentioned this to me over e-mail, I guess I wouldn't be big on a call. I think most guys would want to have your attention if they are trying to converse with you. I have had enough of the conversations with kids in the background - it is a challenge to say the least. However, for some guys, it might be the weeder that they are wanting for a first call anyways. If it is going to be a constant theatrical production effort to contact you, they may want to pass on the possibility of a relationship upfront. Now, I don't think that I'm in this camp, but I could see how a man or woman would feel this way.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 78 (view)

Bypassing the phone, is it okay or not? Posted: 11/26/2009 5:43:36 PM
Has anyone thought of the safety issue? In this computer age, it's not too hard to find someones address, place of employment, childrens' names and ages, etc. just by having a phone number. The same is true for private e-mail - it only takes a couple minutes to find out a lot of personal information. This is why I refuse to give my number out til i've met in person, and if they insist on my calling them, i'll block my number first. If a grown man doesn't understand that in today's society, then he's not someone i'd be interested in anyway. Or get a disposable (prepaid) cell phone. Lots of women do that these days.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

How do I handle this one? Posted: 11/26/2009 4:07:39 PM
I read everything. It's never really been my experience to make it all the way to naked with a guy and not already KNOW that there is chemistry. I guess I am just different. Well, I'm happy for you and glad you haven't gone through that experience. When I noted mine, I didn't mean to be "bragging" and really meant to note to the OP that it happened to others as well. It is not something that I would wish upon even the worst of enemies. However, isn't it fair to state that just because you've never experienced it doesn't mean that it never can occur? After all, I've really never experienced the Aurora Borealis but it exists. I'm sorry your having the delimma, but I still stand by my point of veiw. To many people rob themselves of real pleasurable sexual experiences by putting expectations for a specific type of "performance" on the man. Sex shouldn't be a performance it should be a mutual display of love and affection for eachother. If your settling for less than that you are going to find yourself in more often situations where you are feeling let down rather than being loved. Yeah, but there has to be that chemistry - at it goes beyond just love and affection for one another. I can say that for my case, I truly loved and had affection for the woman in question - it was not just a one-night stand or a quickie. Now beyond that, you really shouldn't just "settle" in the bedroom. If you do, you'll regret it. Maybe your rushing things out of need rather than desire or love and true affection. Could be. I can say in my situation this was not the case. It may behoove you to invest in some toys rather than casually jumping into bed with men that you don't know that well or well enough to know if there is a basis for sexual chemistry. I do think that should preceed the trip to the bedroom. Wow, this is making a huge assumption ... edit: vvv - I just find that "chemistry" is about so much more than debasing it to just be a sexual act. Oh, I agree - but where I diverge is that sex is a really big part of chemistry, although not the only aspect of it. I was in love with a man for 12 years. Deeply in love with him. When we had about 7.5 years together he was diagnosed with prostrate cancer. Ok, this is night and day. We're not talking about a quickie, and we're not talking about a relationship where you have been married to one another in a long term situation. We're talking about someone you have been dating and think you can be close to them after a period of time - and just realize after the first time of having sex its just not there. Now, I don't overly promote quickies (though I don't condemn them either) and if you are in a long-term marriage, you should do everything you can to keep the marriage together. This situation is neither. Trying to wedge a square peg into a round hole (pardon the pun) when you're just dating is silly. There's no maritial commitment here. You should try to find someone who you are sexually compatible with in that situation. Otherwise, if you extend the relationship - yeah, you might be able to make it work, but the odds are that the relationship is going to crash and burn.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

How do I handle this one? Posted: 11/26/2009 12:39:25 PM
how do I end it without hurting his feelings. You can't do it without hurting his feelings. The question you should be asking is, "How do I break it up by hurting his feelings the least?" The answer to that is you call him and just tell him that on second thought, you realize the two of you are not a good match. He'll probably throw around some sort of accusations due to hurt pride, but stand your ground. Then just walk away. If you don't tell him, he's just going to be dragged into a relationship that much further, which in turn will give make it harder on him when you break it off. If he has ED problems, he should appreciate that there are going to be women that are going to walk away due to this. Or else he has been living in a cave. edit: And OP, don't worry about having to give us (or at least me) an excuse. I had a similar situation: I was dating this very attractive woman, we had sex, and then afterwards I was thinking, "Wow, that's it?" Hey, sometimes there are fireworks, and sometimes there aren't. Life is too short to be with someone where the fireworks don't exist.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 67 (view)

Pictures of women with a man Posted: 11/26/2009 11:28:07 AM
The problem I have is when I see a profile and there are three women on them. Am I supposed to guess which one you are? Oh come on ... it is always easy; she is the ugliest and/or most obese one. Frankly, I don't have problem with women's profiles with pictures of women with men in them. It is nice if she notes whether they are a friend or a family member, but really am I suppose to assume at the women that I'm trying to date (roughly 35 -45 years of age) have never dated or been in a relationship before? Who the heck are they - Snow White?!!! The only pictures that slightly creep me out are the ones with young kids in them. I know - it's just my hang-up, but I don't think that belongs on a dating site.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

dating other people Posted: 11/25/2009 6:33:28 PM
Seems like you have already made up your mind. You are on a dating site, and have put yourself up for dating. The only thing... it really isn't nice to bring in another person to asauge you unhappiness. Break it off with him first. Take your time to heal, and THEN go out looking for your true companion. I agree with the above. Unless you currently have your profile on hidden (which may be the case), all you are going to end up with is one huge train wreck. Close off your current relationship (and that means emotionally within you) before trying to start a new one. To put it in perspective, would you want a guy to enter into a relationship with you if he was currently still trying to get over his ex-girlfriend, and from the sounds of it one that he even entertained the concept of marriage? Do onto others as you would want done onto you. I wish for you the best. vvv - OP, you have to decide what is important to you. As mentioned above, is being with the guy more important than ever being married. Look, some people just don't believe in marriage but can be committed. However, what is "disturbing" is that he was ok with you just leaving and was in fact pretty cavilier to it. With that in mind, I think you did the right thing by making a profile. If it was me, I think that I would want to be with someone who would treasure me. Don't you think you deserve that?

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Should I put up more conservitive pics??? Posted: 11/25/2009 10:20:58 AM
OP, I agree with the others: I'd put clearer pictures up ... and if I had to pick one, I'd go with the one mostly on the right. Besides, just as one guy, the second from the left really doesn't come across as sexy. However, the one thing I'd definitely change is the title: Were Are All The Intelligent,Cute Guys? I'd put: Where Are All the Intelligent and Cute Guys? The one thing that drives off intelligent guys is stuff like this.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

how do you know? Posted: 11/25/2009 8:19:30 AM
I send a message. If they are interested (and thus their perception of me is that I'm in their league), they'll respond. If they aren't interested (and thus their perception of me is that I'm not in their league), they won't. It really doesn't matter whether I think that I am in their league; it matters whether they think that I am. A little something I learned cruising around this dating site.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Review my profile thanks Posted: 11/24/2009 10:17:14 PM
Uhmmm ... yeah ... if I was you, I'd change my name. Now, onto other items, get rid of this: it comes across as needy: If you think I suit you, don't be shy to send me a message. Finally, what are you looking for in a woman? If I recall correctly, I didn't see that in your profile. A few things that came to mind. edit: And I agree with Stray Cat about the picture - the third one is your best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

at what age to settle down? Posted: 11/24/2009 10:09:15 PM
I agree, SunDevil92 but how many men care more for someone else's needs than their own? I don't have an exact count, but they are the ones you want to hold out for - at least for consideration for marriage. That is why the exact age thing is a misnomer. As mentioned by someone earlier (it was LD44), the key is not an age - it is when you find that certain someone. That may be tomorrow, but then it may be never. You can't predict it, but then life would be boring if it was predictable.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

at what age to settle down? Posted: 11/24/2009 9:54:36 PM
don't you feel lonely sometimes? marriage is a prison that will take away your freedom and independence??? if you really care for someone, you won't think it's a loss of your freedom in marriage but we think for each other and make the other happy and build a future together. if you say you can't find someone that you really care for, does it mean you care for yourself so much more, and isn't it selfishness to think a wife and your kids will "ruin" your life and freedom? Get a pet. I own four cats. They keep me entertained. If you marry because you are lonely, you will be making the worst prison possible. You marry because you found a person who makes you feel like freedom and independence is inconsequential to being with them. Your goal is more about their needs than your own. And the thing is that you do not because of some moral obligations but because you want to do it.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

at what age to settle down? Posted: 11/24/2009 7:51:40 PM
OP, honestly I don't know if there is a magical age we all should be settling down as guys. For example, I made a point growing up that I would not get married before 30. I didn't want to start a relationship without first finishing college and having my career well in hand. I figured that at that time, I could find a like-minded woman and everything would be on its merry way. We wouldn't have the stresses that you have with a young marriage. Fool-proof plan, right? Well nine years later we got divorced. Nothing evil - we just grew into different people. Anyways, there isn't a magical time. As for when guys "think" that they want to settle down, my 30 year old target is about right - most men younger feel like sewing their wild oats prior to that.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Can anyone advise on this? Posted: 11/24/2009 6:06:31 PM
Sorry to say it, but he got what he wanted and is on to the next one. Had it happen to me and didn't even have sex. OP, to help extricate myself from what I said earlier, I really think that this has nothing to do with sex and thus you really did nothing wrong by having sex. If he is a player, by having sex you now know his true motives. Thus, he's moved on that you're not wasting anymore of you time with him. If he was into you and was never a player either: 1) There was something else that happened in the relationship, something that may seem inconsequential to you now but means the world to him. Funny how it works, but that's usually how it goes. 2) Let's face it: sometimes when you have sex with someone, it just doesn't "feel" the same. I remember having a hot girlfriend where afterwards I was thinking, "Meh." And the thing is that it wasn't her fault or mine - it's just it didn't click, and sometimes it just works that way. If this was the case, at least you found out early in the relationship, you're not wasting anymore time, and you can move on. I've never thought to myself, "Wow, she had sex with me - now I think lesser of her since she did the act." Never.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

In No Hurry Posted: 11/24/2009 3:00:49 PM
OP, actually it can be what LD44 mentioned, but this may be very positive as well. The thing is that we don't know the prior history of the guy - he could have just got out of a relationship where he went too fast and things just crashed and burned, so to speak. Maybe he wants to take his time because he doesn't want to mess things up. Finally, maybe he thinks that you will be more impressed if he comes across as taking his time in the relationship. Could be any of the three. Just not enough information to go by.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Need Advice Posted: 11/24/2009 12:45:33 PM
Honestly, the best that I can come up with is that you sit down with him and explain that he has a family he's going to need to take care of. Explain the economics with him, and have both of you come up with a mutual agreement. Unfortunately, his actions kinda hint at a "me, me, me" attitude, which is not a good thing. Unfortunately, I don't know all of the economics involved in your situation - maybe he has planned out what the budget would be and things are fine. That's why, if you plan on marrying him, that it is important to communicate with him over the basics. Frankly, if you can't do that, then how the heck is your marriage going to work?

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Let's turn this around... Posted: 11/24/2009 11:09:35 AM
I feel it so rude and not human to tell some one you are not to my standard in the face My thought will be who the hell you think you are Queen of England. Uhmmm ... yeah ... they're probably thinking, "It was just a first date." They're not planning out their life with you at this stage - frankly, they're just getting to know if you are into them. When you plan a date for strange woman, the planning stage takes may be two weeks. Say what?!!! Two weeks!!! Is it like some situation where an emissary of you goes to negotiate with an emissary of hers for mutual and legally binding arrangements? Personally, I'd think such planning would creep out a woman. Bring her dozen of red roses and spend $200 to $300 on wining and dinning depends on the place you go to (I don't take them to McDonald) Well, you know, there is a happy medium between $200 to $300 for wining and dining and McDonalds. A happy medium that doesn't creep out the woman - whereas I would think both of those scenarios would do so. The last thing women want is to be felt like they are being "bought" or only into materialistic items. And actually I can see where a woman would rather get a cup of coffee at McDonalds rather than the $200 to $300 for flowers on a first date. The night should end with thank you. Most do. Then email I did find the park between us. That is exactly what I do. Email does cost any thing. I did that just last week and I got email back thank you for the roses. Well, I'm glad you have a response you prefer at the conclusion to a date. Doesn't mean that everyone does that. In summary and to each is own. I completely agree. 1-Telling them in the face. 2-Ignoring them Both is stupid and ignorant. Uhmmm ... ok ... this completely is in contradiction to what you just said ... remember - to each their own ...

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Let's turn this around... Posted: 11/24/2009 10:39:54 AM
If it is just the first few dates, then a, "I just don't think that it is a good match is good enough for me," e-mail or call is nice. If it is more dates than that, it would be nice to get a reason why, but (a) I'm not going to dwell on it and (b) thus is really isn't required. Frankly, if it is just a first date, no more contact is a good response - I'm not completely dense and can take the point and we really don't have much invested into the relationship. I'd like to spend my time with women who are actually into me, and it is always nice to know where you stand. However, in the dating world, I understand one absolute: if a woman is into me, she'll want to have contact with me and spend time with me. If she isn't, she doesn't. It isn't rocket science.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

In the Heat of the moment he ask !!!! Posted: 11/23/2009 9:28:44 PM
I just know I want more than friends with benefits and when I think about dating other people it makes me feel like I'm being unfaithful....why? Because you have feeling for him and think that there is hope. There's nothing wrong with that. It's only wrong if you know for certain he doesn't feel the same way. The only way you'll know is if you sit down and explain to him how you truly feel. Communicate with him. However, if he comes back and says, "Let's keep it FWB," then I'd kick him to the curb. But that is just me.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Help! Posted: 11/23/2009 9:17:53 PM
Wow ... basically the same town ... Anyways, yeah unfortunately many guys in your age demographic are into mainly just sex - sewing the wild oats and stuff like that. However, there are guys out there that are into more. You'll just have to search a little harder - that's all. It isn't easy, but if it was then people probably wouldn't cherish it as much. I wish for you the best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

In the Heat of the moment he ask !!!! Posted: 11/23/2009 8:57:25 PM
Tell him how you feel. See if he feels the same way. That is all you can do. However, keep in mind that as a realist I holding out not much hope. In so many words, he's been used to "getting the milk without buying the cow," so to speak. However, who know: maybe over time, he has gained a deep down attraction for you as well. At the very least, you sound like someone who needs more out of the relationship than what you are getting. If he says, "Let's just keep it to sex," if it was me I'd probably move on - if it hasn't changed by now, I'm not holding out that much hope. You only get to live once. I wish for you the best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

appropriate gifts Posted: 11/23/2009 8:45:47 PM
OP, isn't this a loaded question? After all, isn't each woman like a snowflake of sorts, with their own likes and dislikes? Personally, I have given jewelry, flowers, and cards - but I have given books by her favorite author, CDs from her favorite artists, and things like that as well. And as mentioned before, I have given my love and devotion. However, keep in mind that we are the wrong crowd to ask: most of us are single or divorced. vvv - Well, I'd overall agree, except that saying leg irons for a gift probably is a good tell-tale sign. But you never know - maybe some of us did get divorced due to the gifts we gave.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Why does he say best date ever then not call? Posted: 11/23/2009 8:31:14 PM
It's a cop out for saying "I'm not interested." Yeah, I agree with this. Some guys just don't like saying right on the spot how they feel since (a) some women get defensive about it and/or (b) they just don't like to hurt others feelings during the date. They rationalize it by saying, "Why crush her night by ending it on a bad note." It's somewhat cowardly, but let's face it: it is easier to just not call someone for a follow-up. I'm thinking that this must have been a first date, and like you said, not all dates click. The funny thing about guys is that if they are interested in you, they show it by giving you their interest. Since this guy isn't doing that, if it was me, I'd move on. I wish for you the best. vvv - I guess I do agree with the below: you can give him a call. Personally, I think he's gone, but we do lose phone numbers from time to time. After all, you have nothing to lose, right?

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Can anyone advise on this? Posted: 11/23/2009 11:21:23 AM
OP, I just want to extrapolate on what I said ... Am I saying that you made "any mistake" for sleeping with him, if that is the case? No, I'm not. Frankly, how people wish to lead their relationships in the bedroom is their call. After all, if the guy was really after sex all of the time, maybe he would have left after the 5th date. And, after all, if you had slept with him on the 1st date, then you wouldn't have been strung along for two additional date. I'm not sure there is a right call here. However, the thing is this: some guys are players and some are genuine, and the tiger shows their stripes when the player gets what he wants. Frankly, I wouldn't beat yourself up about it, throw his number into the trash can, and move on. Sometimes you have to strike out in order to have the chance to hit a home run.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Can anyone advise on this? Posted: 11/23/2009 11:07:33 AM
I ended up staying which I hadnt intended but had a wonderful time with him Please translate the above. If it means, "That night we had wonderful monkey sex," I think we know the answer. If so, you dated a player, and now he's on to the next gal.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

pee Posted: 11/23/2009 10:50:32 AM
The problem I think now is that because I am a bartender they want to come see me so they stay at the bar longer and drink more wanting to come to the bar and talk to me. A way to get my attention. Someone did mention to not go out with guys where you work. Sound advice. I have a very high tollerance for beer and when I go out I can drink a lot. On both nights with both guys have tried to keep up with me. What they don't understand is my tollerance comes with a lot of dancing this seems to let me drink more. Guess what I need to do is not drink a man under the table when I go out so they won't try to keep up with me and grow some balls. I did see (feel) it happening I should have steped up and said something, just they are nice men but can't handle the beer. WOW! So when these guys are pissing in the corner, it is because they were trying TO KEEP UP WITH YOU? WOW! For the sake of your kids, you may want to cut back with the amount you drink. Otherwise, Mr. liver can turn your kids into orphans. I know ... a little blunt, but it is true ... I don't care if you were dancing with Michael Jackson. And, yeah, if you want to avoid this, just start telling guys, "Hey, I'm not into dating heavy drinkers." We're smart enough to take hints.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

What is with guys? Posted: 11/23/2009 9:48:17 AM
Hey People she is a newby... Let's play nice. Hey, just showing her that we all have stuff in our profile that turns others off. Can caps insinuate that a guy is trying to hide baldness? Yep. Can a chest up picture insinuate that a woman is trying to hide thunder thighs? Yep. Can a paragraph blob in the "About Me" section insinuate that the woman might have flunked English Composition? Yep. Does any of the above matter? Only if, after a while, you have been doing that kind of stuff and start asking yourself, "Hey, how come I haven't gotten any replies or dates from this site yet?" Otherwise, as long as it isn't against the rules, if you think that it works, it goes. When you go fishing, you'd be amazed at the kinds of different bait people use - and different fish are attracted to different bait ... edit: And I'll give her credit - at least after the grilling on the thread, she's still around. Resiliency is a good sign around here, so I think she does have hope. (and of course with some tweaks her profile will be fine ...)

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

What is with guys? Posted: 11/23/2009 8:48:45 AM
What's up with women only posting picture from their waist up? Trying to hide fifty pounds, sweetie? And what is with the unformatted paragraph blobs in the "About Me" section - you must have bombed English! You see, it is always nice to make stereotypes about stuff. Maybe the guy just likes the hat. Did you ever consider that? vvv - Blayze, because that would actually work ... kinda ... with that paragraph blob she has, I gave up after the third line ...

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

how to paraphrase? Posted: 11/23/2009 8:42:01 AM
Vietnam?!!! Holy cow, this is worldwide! Anyways, to help answer your question, I just don't think he has the balls to kick you out of his life. That would make him feel "uncomfortable." He's hoping that you'll grow sick of him and walk off on your own - that way he can have a clear conscious in his mind since "you left" and not "him kicking you out." I say you give it to him. Block his number and e-mails. Break contact. He might be a good guy to let you know where he thinks that the relationship stands, so just give it to him. Kick him out to the cold and find a new guy. I wish for you the best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

pee Posted: 11/22/2009 8:25:46 PM
I do however feel sorry for them, or more so for the next girl that he get with. I don't. Maybe after losing girlfriend after girlfriend, the jackass will figure out that he has a drinking problem, and maybe be motivated to do something about it. As for the next girlfriend, it is a great educational tool to teach her not to date guys who drink heavily. As for every thing that could happen with a heavy drinker, I'd consider this getting off light. Just my opinion.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

pee Posted: 11/22/2009 6:54:01 PM
Actually, I had this problem ... back when I was three ... and I wasn't drinking at the time. Yeah, it isn't that normal. I guess if you keep dating guys like this, I'd suggest that you point them toward a nice product called Depends ... edit: Dammit, I hate it when they beat me to the punchline ...

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Hard Question Posted: 11/22/2009 2:59:50 PM
I guess I agree with many of the previous people. At first glance, I think you both have issues: 1) He doesn't want to get into a relationship, so that hint commitment issues. 2) You need for him to validate a relationship via questions, so that hints insecurity issues and overall communication malfunctions in the relationship. It sounds like the two of you are either (a) a perfect match with your imperfections or (b) a train wreck since your relationship has driven you to your issues. Your call.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

He doesnt want a relationship with ME! Posted: 11/21/2009 7:30:50 PM
OP, I don't know how universal the saying is, but in the US we have a saying: Why pay for the cow when you can get the milk for free. Just for the sake of you and your child make sure that the phrase is not applicable for you. Keep the sex with those who are willing to be in a relationship with you.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

He doesnt want a relationship with ME! Posted: 11/21/2009 6:40:05 PM
I agree with Teenwolf. Really, the ball is in your court: can you be just friends with someone you feel very strongly for? If yes, it sounds like you have a good friend. If not, then you have to go on with life. However, I would not expect for his opinion of starting a relationship with you to change. vvv - Yeah, if the insinuation is that being "friends" with him means that you have to sleep with him, then I would leave him in the dust. Keep the friendship platonic if friendship is what you want - otherwise over time he will lose respect for you. Just my opinion.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Do you like to like be the Pursuer or the Pursued? Posted: 11/21/2009 4:35:52 PM
Well, as a guy, when you are pursued it does show that she is "interested." Beyond that, it doesn't matter: the important thing is whether there is a connection once we are "caught."

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Conscience Bothering Me Posted: 11/21/2009 4:07:05 PM
OP, by looking at your profile, I'm doubting that he's dating you because of your military service - you sound like a fascinating person. Thus, don't worry about it; whenever you have a chance alone to talk, just bring it up then. I'm willing to bet he'll understand completely. I wish for you the best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Searching preferences Posted: 11/21/2009 3:38:06 PM
Basically, I just go to the "My Matches" screen and view over the thumbnails - sometimes I go to the Chemistry to see what it says as well. If it looks good, then I click on the profile and see if she is a good match. I really don't use the "search" feature that much. Personally, if I saw a picture of a woman wearing the hat that you have for your profile picture, I'd just keep going. Sorry, but the hat just screams, "PASS!!!" edit: vvv - Yep, I agree ... but in the spirit of whether it is a good idea to use something polarizing in your profile. Personally, I'm in the camp that it really isn't. You might as well put that you are a Torry, Green, or Liberal in your profile. And yes, I know: some people do that because it is important to them - but I ask you: Does the guy that you want to date HAVE to like that hat? As for specifically what I am looking for: 1) Looks - By basing decision on picture to review the profile, I guess I have already said this. I really just focus on the pictures since the Body Type field is one big joke - it is subjective to the user. 2) Marital Status - I'm not going to date anyone that is Separated or Married, as well as Not Single/Not Looking. 3) For - I care why they are here. 4) About Me - What did they put in their profile. It doesn't have to say a lot, but it has to catch my eye. I saw one that was only 4 lines long, but I liked it. Also, I'm not big into dating someone that is overly negative in their profile. 5) Do you do drugs - I don't want to date anyone who is doing drugs. 6) Religion - If they're overly religious, I know that they aren't going to be a good match for me.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Baseball Caps, Pecs and Six-Packs, Sexual monikers Posted: 11/21/2009 10:58:59 AM
Why do men put these things on their profiles and in their photos, if not to broadcast their basic lack of class? Whoa! I'll tell you of a reason why I "have been toying" with the concept. For me, the issue is more of describing body type. Personally, I don't think overall I fit perfectly into "thin," I not muscular enough to be "athletic," and when I see other guys that put "average" in their profile, then look like they outweigh me by 40 lbs. (I'm currently 6'3" and 165 lbs) Anyways, the thing is that a shirt hides a lot of body description on a guy. Thus, I was thinking of posting one photo without a shirt. It would probably be of me going to the beach next time (I wouldn't post one of me behind the computer shirtless), and I would note in my profile something of the point that I'm just posting it due to the confusion on what body type to describe myself. Thus, the woman (if interested) would be able to come to the conclusion herself of what she thinks my body type is. After all, her conclusion is the one that matters, right? Anyways, I just wanted to note there are other reasons behind doing such an act. I agree with Colt on the best way to handle it: if you don't like, just don't respond. Guys know that their profile isn't going to attract every woman - they're just wanting to attract the ones that have interest.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Why are you really on here? Posted: 11/20/2009 4:53:10 PM
OP, I think that you might be in an age demographic where it might be better to go to popular hangouts to meet guys than go to a dating site. Just a theory.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Why are you really on here? Posted: 11/20/2009 4:44:32 PM
Rockin rocks is right. Let's face it; lots of cute guys in their mid-20s are just into sex since (a) they know that they can find a woman to give them what they want and (b) that's the mindset of many a guy around that age. If that the mindset of every guy at that age? No. What is a girl suppose to do? Not wait for Prince Charming to fall into your lap; actually read the profiles and look for guys that are looking for the same thing you are. edit: And why am I on the site presently? To enjoy the forums. I'm in the middle of a move, so I'm not ready to start any kind of relationship until I have my move over and my life back in control. Take care of your baggage first is what I always say. vvv - OP, I'm glad to see that you aren't just waiting for guys to come. Just keep in mind that rejection is a part of any search, and not all guys (or even possibly a majority) are going to reply to your e-mails. As guys, trust me: we can appreciate your plight. Just be patient.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 46 (view)

Regretfully didn't give him my number!!!! Now what?? Posted: 11/20/2009 4:27:10 PM
Meh, the card to me doesn't sound all that great; it sounds like something Martha Stewart would do, and I'm not into dating her. For the most part, guys aren't really into cards for the message, "Thanks for inviting me - if you want to talk, here's my number." I'd probably throw a note like that into the trash. If you really are going to send it, I'd be direct in it. Say you think he is cute and that if he feels the same, have him give you a call at a number provided. Then, after sending it, forget about him and get on with life. If he's interested, he'll call and it will be a pleasant surprise. I wish for you the best.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Hey said call me, if you want and no answer? Posted: 11/20/2009 4:12:15 PM
OP, I think the key here is the word "trend." If it happens infrequently, then let's face it; we all aren't next to our phone 24/7. However, if it happens frequently, then: 1) He could have a girlfriend/wife that is around when you call, and thus doesn't want to be talking with you with her around, 2) He might be a control freak, and only will talk to you "when he is in control." 3) He just might not be into you that much. You're a woman that is on the borderline for dateability in his mind. I really don't know for certain since I'm not dating him - but all I'm saying is to keep your mind open to all possibilities, the innocent and the nefarious. edit: Oh, and yeah ... I forgot to add - yeah, I'd just go on with life and forget about him. If he still is into you, he'll call and it will be a nice surprise. I agree with all the others: the ball is in his court.

Sun_Devil_92

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Was it Something I said? Posted: 11/19/2009 9:00:00 PM
Because that's not the way it happened. There was a connection between them, and like the other's have said, he either got scared or met someone else. Oh, so you personally got an e-mail from her date that completely verified her side of the story - that he really though there was a connection, huh? Did you not read the part where she said he sent her several texts over the next few days, and then made a second date, just to end up cancelling and disappearing? Yep, caught that. You know that the most impersonal form of communication is texting, right? Wow, he really cared so much for her that he texted her instead of calling to hear her voice - oh yeah, he was really into her ... yawn edit: No, I simply read her entire post. Ok, I just have to ask - how do we really know how he thought by fully reading her posts? Yeah, she can say what she thought he felt, but the only one that knows how he truly feels about her (deep down inside) is him ... edit #2: Would you make a second date with a woman, or send several texts to a woman that you had no interest in? You're not getting it: 1) I might act like I was interested in a second date if I got the impression that would be the only way I could extricate myself from the date. 2) If I was into a woman, I would not be texting her - I would be CALLING her. Texting is the most impersonal way to communicate with someone - it is like making sure there is a ten-foot pole between you and her when talking. Actually, the texting is a good sign to show he's just not into her.

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