will you stay with someone if they were diagnosed with a mental illness?? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: will you stay with someone if they were diagnosed with a mental illness??

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

will you stay with someone if they were diagnosed with a mental illness?? Posted: 10/18/2009 11:50:55 AM
A confusing thread, since the title doesn't relate to the OPs situation. As pointed out a personality disorder is not a mental illness. The question that hasn't been asked - and I mean this with respect - is what attracted you to a man with a personality disorder? Often folks with a personality disorder present a very smooth "salesman" side that hides the chaos inside. There are many fine books on Borderline Personality Disorder, and some pioneering work done my Marsha Lenahan with Dialectic Behavioral Therapy (not sure I spelled any of that correctly from memory). I still recall my first clinical staffing at my first behavioral health agency back about 1993. Staff was discussing a client diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. The agency director stopped the discussion, turned to me, and asked, "Do you understand Borderline Personality Disorder?" My instant response was, "Sure, I've been dating them for years." Cracked everyone up - but I wasn't lying either. We enjoy the "ride" of the wild fun side of folks so diagnosed. We pay dearly when they suddenly "hate" us. As a generalization, men with BPD diagnosis seem to have more severe symptoms than women so diagnosed - they are a real challenge to any clinical team. Its just a diagnosis - but if the person's behavior fits the criteria the challenge is for the person to find a way to arrest the behaviors that come naturally. When they fail, those around them take the hit. Again, BPD is not a mental illness - it is a disorder of personality. When clinicians note it they note it on Axis II which is for conditions that are unlikely to ever change. OP, you didn't mention it in the post, but a warning. Some people diagnosed with BPD attempt to self-medicate/cope/control the condition with drugs and/or alcohol or to use drugs/alcohol in extreme amounts when they are in their "wild" phase.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

You specifically DO NOT meet their requirements but they insist they want to date you anyway? Do it? Posted: 10/18/2009 10:50:50 AM
Back when I was newly single I read a self-help book about finding a mate. The author suggested making a list of ten things that were non-negotiable - either on the positive or negative side. I did that. Then I met a lovely lady at a singles dance and we hit it off. We dated for four years! She violated every one of the ten non-negotiables I'd decided upon. Even though we eventually went our seperate ways she made a huge contribution to my life. On a spiritual level - I made that list of non-negotiables, something more powerful than I put her in my life and gave me what I needed, not what I thought I needed. Ya just never know. All that is different from pushy people who ignore what you say. Run from them!

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

Her busy Schedule Posted: 10/10/2009 11:13:33 PM
Sadly, could be Purrsonable is right...just a polite way to say, "No thank you." Think we're all attracted to dynamic people who have a life. But, heard someone say once that, "The right person at the wrong time is still the wrong person." If there is something between you creativity will triumph.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Am I being selfish? Posted: 10/10/2009 11:06:42 PM
Don't think anyone's selfish on either side. Cause of such problems are our expectations of others. The expectation that a "true friend" would respond the way we want them to so we can tell them never mind comes from ourselves - not from the friend. I think the platitude is, "Expectations are prepaid resentments." Tell you what though - its pretty much agreed that one true measure of who your friends are is who comes to visit you in the hospital - or in jail/prison.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Is it ever okay to resort to violence? Posted: 10/10/2009 11:01:27 PM
Not sure what the Montana D.V. laws are, but here in Arizona its illegal to "posture" in a threatening manner, verbally threaten, or even yell in a domestic situation....pushing, slapping, kicking, and biting are for sure crimes of assault. All states have Zero tolerance for domestic violence. Anyone who would do that to you is treating you like meat. You could call the police, file charges, and get an order of protection from your local judge. If its happening to you I'm with the "Run" posters. Men who think its okay to hit women seem to have great difficulty changing that behavior - even after long hours of court ordered treatment. If you're considering doing the hitting, police arrest a lot of women for D.V. too and the consequences are the same - incarceration, fines, fees, and court ordered treatment. Been working in the D.V. field for many years. I don't think you're a troll.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 65 (view)

Driving me nuts! Posted: 10/10/2009 10:44:05 PM
Sorry you're getting beat up on and called names. For sure don't deserve that for asking a legitimate question. This board is getting pretty brutal. Read through the posts and the one thought that hit me is that we're all entitled to be in a relationship with someone we're sexually attracted to. Or, as another lady put it - if you're in a relationship with Miss allmost good enough, then you're not available for Miss Right. I'm guessing you two have already talked about this with each other.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Are We Too Wounded To Posted: 10/10/2009 10:17:43 PM
You folks crack me up. Thanks from the support from them that "gets it." And....don't think I could possibly disagree more with the rest..... No troll....probably a good candidate for masochist of the month award though... Oh, there's no poster named "Honey." The quote is a generic one, often voiced by a guy named John Lee who ironically writes a lot about being wounded. Not intended to be a put down, intended to point out that not all men are assholes and a few have done a lot of work in overcoming "testosterone poisoning."

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 76 (view)

The ultimate lubrication. Posted: 10/10/2009 5:49:44 PM
Yikes!! Vicks - really???? How'd I miss this thread before? Jojoba oil is best. Great for massage since it doesn't clog pores and create bacteria. Wonderful for sex, alone or with a friend. Lasts a long time. Has a nutty flavor. Good for whatever hairs it happens to get on. And, I'm reminded of the lyrics to a college drinking song, " City girls use Vaseline, country girls use lard. Lulu uses axle grease, you can bang 'em twice as hard."

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

I know some will consider this sacrilege, but... Posted: 10/10/2009 5:42:38 PM
Agree on the first time usually not being "the best." I remember as a boy my mother always threw out the first pancake when she cooked pancakes....first pancake was never quite right. That's a good metaphor for the first time being sexual with someone new - "getting to know you." Always better the second time and after...even if the first time encounter is fantastic.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

YOU NEED THERAPY! Posted: 10/10/2009 5:35:03 PM
Funny how many people think "therapy" (whatever that is??) is only for folks having a difficlut time. Many people come to therapy to enhance their already great lives. Kind of like massage. Not everyone going for a massage has a pain or an injury... Most states require licenses to practice therapy now. Licensure involves at least master's level training in the field, passing a national exam, and maintaining ongong training over the years, and following very strict ethical laws. And yes - there are lots and lots of nutty therapists too. And state licensure boards stay busy policing licensed therapists who break the law. As far as telling someone else that they need therapy - that's about the sickest place a person can be. Anyone telling another person that the other person needs therapy is in far greater need of therapy themselves. That's advanced stuff so don't expect everyone to understand that.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

I'm 45 and going back to school at night to finish my Bachelors Posted: 10/10/2009 5:24:12 PM
GO FOR IT!!! I went back to school when I was 45. I was urged to by loving friends. I researched the field and came back to them and told them I'd need a master's degree and even with the kid college hours I had it would take me TEN YEARS to get a master's degree. The laughed and me and asked me if I'd rather be ten years older with, or without, a master's degree? Duh, that's an easy call. So I went back to school at night after work and it only took nine years to finish the BA and get a master's. (No online courses back tthen). I found that working in the same field I was studying brought great cross polination. I could take classroom ideas into the workplace to try and take the reality of the workplace situations into the classroom. I was tempted to quit after finishing my BA. But I talked to someone who told me that graduate school was much easier than undergrad. I figured I already had the long hours drill down so I'd not have to do anything different - just keep doing what I was doing. Found grad school was much easier and much more fun. We were focused on what we wanted to be focused on. I started out paying cash, then got a couple scholarships, then went to student loans. I've never regreted writing out the monthly check to pay off the student loan. I got such a better job that I love with much higher pay. Even turned out that my field has studentl loan reimbursement for two years of rural service with the National Health Service Corps which I'm doing now. Many fields have similar programs. You can't go wrong. Don't sweat the grades, learn the material. My very first instructor in my very first class when I went back told us, "You don't have to get A's." So I forgot about grades and just learned. Nine years later I had straight As. Didn't shoot for them...they just happened because I loved what I was learning. I also think the reality of working in the field helped too. The neat thing about a degree is when you're "olde" folks just don't know how long you've had the degree...but of course a fresh degree with the latest teachings is more impressive to a prospective employer than an ancient degree...if you're good too - and I suspect you are.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

television-- pros and cons Posted: 10/10/2009 5:13:12 PM
My family was one of the last in the neighborhood to get television when I was a boy. I recall groups of us going to the rich kid's house to watch tv. My father would often pull the plug on the tv after we got one. He'd tell us it was broken and we'd believe him - never thinking to check. Would go long gaps without it. Lived in a fraternity house in college and the only tv I remember was when JFK was assassinated. Raising a family it can be a "babysitter" for the kids for sure. After divorce I went 10 years without owning a tv and loved it. At work I often had no clue who/what coworkers were talking about. I'd hear grizzly stories then find out it was a soap opera plot. When I went back to college as an adult I managed to do without a tv until I hit graduate school. Then many of the assignments involved watching current events on tv or a video. Still haven't gone back to no tv. These days I like a good movie and sports but choose real life over tv anythime.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/10/2009 5:06:25 PM
Aye Carrumba....this is soooo silly. So today I'm out and about town at our local domestic violence agency's fund raiser (I'm on the board) then later I'm down at our local hospital's Health Fair (I used to be on the hospital board). Its a small town, I'm seeing old friends and networking new friends. My birthday is next week and I mentioned I'm turning 65. ALL THREE people I mentioned it to - two ladies and one guy - all in their 40s told me to my face with a tone of amazement that I didn't look 65, I looked like I'm in my 40s...one lady asked, "What's your secret?" Sure, they could have been blowing smoke up my tailpipe - but the reactions were so immediate and so sincere sounding, they'd be really easy to believe if you were an aging old morbidly obese geezer like me. So its really great that there are so many wonderful people on this board willing to set me straight, tell me I look my age, and keep me from belieiving those f2f compliments. And, I still think there's a waiting market for creators of false IDs for us olde geezers and ladies. They're so focused on fake IDs for kids wanting to booze their livers into oblivion that they've missed us baby boomers clinging vainly to our youth.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Are We Too Wounded To Posted: 10/10/2009 4:54:26 PM
Good golly Miss Mollie....even got this one shoved back down my throat....hello? hello? Is there any common sense out there? Has anyone read that old Dale Carnegie book "How to Win Friends and Influence People"????? Telling it like YOU THINK it is ain't gonna work making friends...."Hi there, my that's an UGLY dress you're wearing..." NO ONE deserves to be treated rudely.... Maybe the moderaters could set aside just one thread, just one topic, where those who wanted to "Be Nice" could post and feel safe about posting and leave the other threads to the trolls, angry bears, and holier than thous. Honey, you're entitled to your anger towards men - but I've paid my dues.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Narcissitic Personality Disorder or Psychopath Posted: 10/10/2009 8:35:26 AM
Suggested reading - at your library, or worth the price to purchase, "Inside the Criminal Mind" by Stanton E. Samenow, Ph.D. (His Ph.D is legitimate). The opening lines of Chapter Seven, "People as Pawns" "The criminal values people only insofar as they bend to his will or can be coerced or manipulated into doing what he wants. ...he has a self-centered view of the world in which he believes that he is entitled to whatever he wants." Further in; "The criminal believes that he is entitled to whatever he deires, and will pursue it ruthlessly." "The criminal's attitude toward people is mercurial, dependent on whether they serve him. One day he may regard a person as his bosom pal and the next as his mortal enemy." And there's much more. Samenow uses the word "criminal" to indicate personality disorders in the anti-social area. A person doesn't actually need to break the law - though that's the population he has studied. I have worked in the criminal justice system for most of my adult life as a police officer and therapist - on the street, in prisons, in jails, with probationers, parolees, and pre-trial clients. Certainly not all are criminals or have anti-social personality disorders. But about 85% of incarcerated folks at least have anti-social behavior. Knowing all I know from education, training, and experience I still get fooled...and when I'm not fooled it is still VERY difficult to warn fellow therapists about anti-social clients, "But they're so nice..." If you decide to give Samenow's work a read I'm guessing you'll recognize your ex at most every turn.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Are We Too Wounded To Posted: 10/10/2009 8:10:00 AM
Sure, this is the Internet, but don't we come together with hope, wanting to put our best face forward, being open to others - cutting them the same slack we cut our friends? So many forum threads are full of attacks on the OP or other posters...single words seem to generate attacks with name calling. Personal features are attacked. Accusations are made from extrapolations. Spelling and grammer are held to task. Or when I get the profiles generated just for me I often read highly defensive profiles - no this, no that...don't be this way, don't be that way. Sure we're wounded - relationships do that. Hopefully we lick our wounds and dive back in and take reasonable chances again.... But can't we "Be Nice" to each other in the process and withhold the personal slams? Not sure why we feel the need to attack each other on a board designed to generate friendships.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 69 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/7/2009 7:43:32 PM
Lordy lordy...you folks are sooo busy in attack mode you appear to miss what I said when being straight up. "My favorites are my age and OLDER. My long time best friend is 70 years old." So enough masochism/sport criticism for now. Gonna go do something else...

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

False I.D. to Proove We're Younger?? Posted: 10/7/2009 7:13:04 AM
Whoa...what a brutally honest group of singles this is. Have been busy and just came back to the board to see what happened with this post. Crack me up. Thrust of the post was the potential market for false ID makers....and for sure tongue-in-cheek about the possibilities for me... For the record, I'm most proud of my age - a miracle considering how I lived my younger years. The ladies I date now are my age, maybe five years younger at the most. My favorites are my age and OLDER. My long time best friend is 70 years old. It is sad to meet an attractive single lady that is "not too young for me" that believes I am "too old for her" based on linear concepts of age. Hence the temptation when I thought of false I.Ds..... And Jeez Louise, thought my last line was pretty clear about "not really" A fun thread for sure - had me laughing on a number of fronts. And Eowyn...I'm off to check your profile...thank you...you warm my heart.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

False I.D. to "Proove" We're Younger?? Posted: 10/4/2009 9:37:07 PM
Listening to a radio program the other day about the boom in false I.D. for underage kids to "proove" they're 21 so they can get served alcohol. Got to wondering if there's an untapped market for the providers of false I.D. for us olde folks who wanna "proove" we're younger. I'm 65 and often get told I only look 40 or 50 something but ladies I'm attracted to in their 40s won't date me because I'm "too old." Well, some ladies that age do date me and I'm most grateful. Still tempting to get a false I.D. that show's I'm like 52 or something to show the ladies in their 40s who ask how old I am.... You'd think the false I.D. providers would be marketing up at our age too?? Yes yes yes I know its not honest...but it sure is tempting....

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 121 (view)

need to drink alcohol to enjoy sex? Posted: 10/4/2009 9:32:36 PM
The chemical reality is that the chemical alcohol gets every cell in the body drunk - that includes the nerves that sense the pleasure of sex, the nerve cells that carry the pleasure message back to the brain, and the brain cells that generate orgasm. It is most common for newly sober guys and gals to show up at an AA meeting and descretely ask about what may have caused the mind blowing intense orgasms they begin experienceing when they sober up. When the nerve cells and brain cells aren't drunk they deliver a much more intense orgasm. Of course too much booze prevents erections in men and drys up the vaginal fluids of women. There are a couple of great scenes about the inability to perform due to booze in the movie Trainspotting and in the movie Under the Volcano. Sober sex is the best - from an old drunk who got sober and has researched both sides of the question.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Can you grow trees from seeds? Posted: 9/24/2009 7:36:33 PM
Sure. I grew three honey mesquite trees from seed in North Phoenix. Cheap way to get new plants is from seed. For tough seeds like mesquite "scarify" them by nicking them with a file - like a horse or cow would with their teeth - before planting. I even grew a pineapple by cutting off the top of a store bought pineapple and planting it against the south side of the house, in sand, where the refrigeration drip outlet was. Sort of duplicated Hawaii's climate. That pineapple grew its own pineapple. Was delicious and I planted the top of the second pineapple and it grew a third pineapple. Planted the top of that and it grew well but never produced its own pineapple. Also grew a jojoba hedge from nursery starts. They grow fast and you can shape them just like a boxwood hedge.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

SO confused- Help Posted: 7/11/2009 10:48:53 PM
Rejection is God's protection. Glad you were able to cut your losses. Sure it hurts. Something good is happening.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

Over 45 and Why I would love a long distance relationship at least at first Posted: 7/11/2009 10:35:27 PM
Long distance relationships remove geography from the limits of who's out there to meet. Living in a remote town with few singles its pretty much what I have to do. Have had LDRs in the past where we had to fly to meet each other and a number of LDRs where it was a 2 to 5 hour drive. Certainly not conveninet, but, as pointed out more focused while we were together. And, it IS nice when the lady comes here to visit and I can show her around the grandure of the Canyonlands. Not like we get bored for nothing to do.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 32 (view)

Viagra dosage Posted: 5/2/2009 10:06:14 PM
And the PDR is written by the pill manufacturer...not always the end source for information. Like the PDR doesn't state Soma is addictive, yet the metabolite of Soma is highly addictive. Tried Viagra when it came out...no drug interaction problem with my Cozaar or Flomax said the doc and all the interaction sites on the web. Well hell, Viagra worked but the price was a horrible headache and my BP dropped so low I thought I was gonna die. Checked back with the doc and she said shouldn't be a problem....well there WAS anyway - PDR or no PDR. If you're gonna use 50mg, have the doc Rx it in 100mg then buy a pill cutter to cut them in half. Same price in either dosage - get twice as much for the money with the 100mg.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Oral Issues with Women on Heavy Medications for Mental Illness Posted: 5/2/2009 9:55:58 PM
Ummm, is there something she's not telling you? Lamictal and Topomax are anti-seizure medications by intent, though her doc may be using it off label. Trazadone is usually used to treat depression rather than bipolar disorder. Are you sure you have her condition correct? Sometimes heavy ladies don't get "ventilated" well due to plump outerlips and thighs...could be something out of whack up in there. May or may not be medication related or diet related. Would think a visit to the Gyn would be in order. Shower's not gonna help much - waters coming from the wrong direction. Maybe a long soak in a hot tub or a hot springs. Time to be straight up with her. If she can't handle that then that doesn't bode well for future situations requireing straight up communication. Good luck

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 432 (view)

why do men always have to look at other women!! Posted: 4/26/2009 11:16:34 AM
Has to be a primal urge. Years ago spent a weekend at a nudist resort. It was Sunday evening and a very attractive lady was getting dressed to drive home. When she bent over to tie her shoes all the men around her instinctively turned and looked down her blouse. She'd been nude with them for two days. No mystery. No secrets. Still they looked. Gotta be core instinctive lizard brain behavior.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

TRAVEL Posted: 4/26/2009 10:19:57 AM
Living in the boondocks of the canyonlands (135 miles to Flagstaff) the only social perk is that ladies seem to enjoy traveling here. They like to see the canyonlands and the rezlands and the incredible beauty of this part of the Planet. Who wouldn't wanna travel to get out of the smog, traffic, children with automatic weapons, and overall insanity of city living? The Arizona Strip isn't a dance.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

So what's YOUR little secret?? Posted: 4/26/2009 10:13:54 AM
For navigation "Go West young LAD" Lanes, Avenues, Drives are on the west side (some few exceptions to keep you alert and copyright maps) Odd numbered addresses are on the South and East side of the street. Before long you'll know your mile streets and address numbers that go with them....and the name changes in the East - West streets. Enjoy the learning curve. Burrito Bandito - 19th Ave and Union Hills NE Corner shopping center. Try the Baby Banditos with "glue" Changing Hands Bookstore - think its now at Guadalupe and McClintock in the SW Corner. Drumbeat Indian Arts 16th St North of Indian School across from the Indian Hospital Gifts Anon 12 Step bookstore 7th St between Indian School and Camelback on the West side just North of the canal. Red Devil Pizza - Two to choose from East Bell Rd and somewhere down around East McDowell Rd. Cowgirl up! Wild West Mercantile 7302 E. Main in Mesa. They also have old west "floozie wear" if that's of any interest. Clamber up Squaw/Powestawa(?) Peak for the view - if it ain't too smoggy out. Wander around the Arizona Biltmore like you have a room there... If you like fish, the Knock Kneed Lobster on Van Buren and something in a funky neighborhood, or Fish Market on East Camelback.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Advice, please ladies. Posted: 4/4/2009 10:31:47 PM
Ummmm....more foreplay.....

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Women geting help for sex addiction Posted: 4/4/2009 10:25:53 PM
Gee, wasted my life eh? I'm one of those professional counselors who has worked with sex addicts of both sexes. Don't think anyone would doubt that some of the clients I've worked with have a serious problem - particularly those who've found themselves deep in the criminal justice system from their addictive sexual behaviors. There are at least four self help groups that address the area of compulsive sexual behaviors. Sexaholics Anonymous - their deal is no sex ever, even with yourself, unless you're legally married to your sex partner. Sex Addicts Anonymous - their deal is each person sets their own sexual limits for recovery, and they may change in recovery. Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous - their focus is more on the "love addiction" than the sexual addiction - hence, as mentioned, more women members. In some areas of the country it may seem a women only fellowship. Sexual Compulsives Anonymous - they allow more focus on how a persons other addictions interrelate to their sexual addictions. The goals of these fellowships is finding a healthy sexuality. If you want to know more about this area read any book by Dr. Patrick Carnes or Dr. Ralph Earle. Its real folks. Tease and joke all you want but as they say in AA, "Women Suffer Too."

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Sexual frustration help. Posted: 3/22/2009 1:43:57 PM
Kilt up. Women will find you if you're kilted. Serious.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Unity Pow Wow Posted: 3/21/2009 5:00:36 PM
Guess most of the folks on this board are down in Southern Arizona...but if there are any pow wow junkies we're having one here in Page, AZ starting Friday night April 10 at 5 with grand entry at 7p. Then more on Saturday. Pow wows are a great place to socialize and to pick up some great jewelry from vendors at a great price.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

A girl matter.. Way beyond spilled milkshake.. Posted: 3/20/2009 11:47:16 PM
Whoa...what a tornado of "do what I'd do" posts. You asked if there's hope - doesn't sound like it....sad times if so... Next question is what do you do about it. The answer is in your heart. Time to listen to your heart.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

Dating Older Woman But Cannot Figure Her Out Posted: 3/20/2009 11:27:03 PM
Sounds like your resentments/anger/fears are rooted in your own expectations. Sounds like she may not be aware of your expectations. And as pointed out seems there may not be much real communication going on yet...the sorta kiss and the attempted hug becoming kisses...okay to talk about wanting to kiss someone before bumbling into it. The only way to stop playing the game is to stop playing the game. Try talking in the here and now about your emotions when you're together, do a reality check on your expectations with her...see what happens....if you choose to risk dating her again. And I would guess most hospital administrators barely have time to duck into the rest room occasionaly let alone type on a tiny box thingie. Better to stay eyeball to eyeball when you can.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

looking for hot tubs Posted: 3/20/2009 11:11:12 PM
From Hot Springs and Hot Pools of the Southwest 2004 Ogden Hot Springs, east of the city. Exit I-15 in Ogden at SR-39 (12th st) and go east 4.9 miles to the mouth of Ogden Canyon. Park on either side of the road just after passing under suspended water pipe. Short trail downstream to spring starts at mile 9 green marker. GPS N41 14.154 W111 55.452 You could probably google up some more info.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

emission test required! Posted: 3/20/2009 10:51:36 PM
I solved that problem 8 years ago when the freeway encircled me in Phoenix. Moved up to Page, AZ. No emissions worries...though the other folks don't have them either and there are some pretty smoky/stinky clunkers loose around town up here.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 36 (view)

When masterbation has lost it's touch Posted: 3/14/2009 12:32:34 AM
My cousin mechanized to a Venus 2000. He loves it so much he bought a second one to have on hand in case something goes wrong with the first one.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Sexually attracted to somebody you don't like? Posted: 3/1/2009 9:03:14 PM
Sort of - Kind of Have been attracted to women who didn't like me and I didn't much like them...think its an ego thing though...if I could just show them how good I am in bed then they'd change their mind about me...but what's the point? I don't like them...just my ego wanting to change their minds.... Testosterone poisoning

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 102 (view)

SNORING?? Does it really matter ? Posted: 2/8/2009 11:29:52 AM
If its a deal breaker you're gonna be lonely... Snoring is a natural human defense to protect us when we're vulnerable. We used to live in caves. Nothing like a good snore, amplified by the acoustics of the cave, to get a bear, wolf, tiger, to decide to leave well enough alone and move on. Women snore because they're human beings. Just like guys. Be attentive to all the good information above, but snoring just is. Cuddle up and think of it as mutual self-defense

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Would you prefer being friends or lovers Posted: 2/7/2009 10:53:24 AM
The movie When Harry Met Sally comes to mind. Some of the best sensual/sexual pleasure comes with friends who are sharing those pleasures because they ARE friends. Different slant than a relationship....which, of course, a sexual friendship may evolve into.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

I Sleep On A Futon Posted: 2/7/2009 10:20:28 AM
Have dated a number of ladies who slept/made love on their futons. Never a problem. Don't see why a lady would mind. Probably would be a red flag if she did. Last live-in we made one bedroom the "hoochie coochie" room and kept all our sensual stuff in there. We chose a futon to make love on. We did add some grip bars to the wall just above it for purchase when making love. Check out your local hardware store, see what's available. Don't forget a stair rail can be mounted horizontally at whatever height you find convenient. Grip bars and railings offer much more purchase (i.e. FUN) than headboards. Much easier to do with a futon than with a bed. And asking your lady to help you do test runs to find the best mounting height can be a joy in itself.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Deal Breaker? Posted: 2/7/2009 10:11:20 AM
Great advice...especially the talk talk talk. "Honey, I wanna try these suggestions, we need to practice now!" If it works for you, holding your breasts and pleasureing them yourself is bound to be a turn on for him. If you can afford them (watch for sales) check out the Esse at the Liberator website. Think there are some threads on Liberator sex furniture on POF too.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Has anyone practiced COMPLETE abstinence for sometime? Posted: 2/7/2009 9:49:24 AM
I think abstinence is more about chosing for yourself not to do something you'd really like to do in order to achieve something else. The gain is "who am I without a man/woman." A sense of self. A time for centering. A break from the give and take of a relationship.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

How did you make the first move and what happened? Posted: 2/6/2009 7:51:07 PM
When you guess the time may be right just ask, "May I kiss you?" If she's cool with it she'll kiss you. If not, you'll find out where you stand. When you hug her, don't release the hug until she does...look at her....a mutual kiss may result. My favorite aggessive woman came up to me at a dance and rubbed her right leg up and down the inside of my right leg while asking if I wanted to dance. Did I ever! We danced for a couple years after that.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Batting Average Posted: 2/6/2009 7:26:00 PM
Well, I'm remote geographically so only had one first meet date so far. Went well - I hope. She went on a trip. Being a guy I've become used to that "Prove you're not a Communist" caution that women feel they have to take. Sometimes a bit like trying to pet an abused dog and having it pull away from my hand. But I am also very impressed by some of the risks women take on this and other personals sites.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

Has anyone practiced COMPLETE abstinence for sometime? Posted: 2/6/2009 7:19:18 PM
Did five years sometime back. Was by choice after I got sober. Decided to do a year and enjoyed it so much it lasted five years. Was working all day and going to grad school at night so was busy busy busy. It ended when a lovely lady threw her self on me...just couldn't say no and didn't want to say no. Used to work with a married woman who went 8 years without before she asked me to help her end her dry run. Once met a lady on line who had decided it was time to end her 16 years without and was kind enough to select me to help her. I think there's a lot more celibacy out there than most folks realize - and many varied reasons for it.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 78 (view)

Sometimes a Normally Gross Thing Can Be Loving Posted: 1/31/2009 12:48:46 PM
THANK YOU Damechaton and Tuezdaye for "getting it." My then friend's gesture was not about peeing on me...it was about causing the base of my spine to be flooded with a sudden surge of warmth - a most incredible sensation while also being hugged from behind by a nude woman. Perhaps something akin to what a woman feels when a man ejaculates inside her...(?) Point is, her loving gesture had nothing to do with kink or pee, it was all about love and warming me in the cool water. Sorry I didn't explain it better.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 132 (view)

Super Bowl XLIII thread: Steelers vs. Cardinals Posted: 1/31/2009 12:34:34 PM
What surprised me more than anything this week is that the Cardinals jerseys are sold out. I live in Arizona and have grown to pretty much hate the Bidwells for their lackluster efforts to create a winning team. Some of the best coaches gave it a shot to no avail. Now we got this coach, and some olde guys, and some new guys and the magic is happening - like when the Diamondbacks beat the Yankees in 2001. So hey, maybe its time to support them...tried to order a jersey on line...they're sold out. Blows me away. Or is it just the folks in East Pennsylvania who's favorite team is whoever is playing the Steelers? Who knows? If the Cards win maybe some street gang will be adopting their jerseys as their gang colors.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

At 57 &64 is one yr dating long enough to expect marriage? Posted: 1/25/2009 11:24:58 AM
Tell you what, most women I've dated in their 50s have been up front early on that they do not want to get married again...ever... and they reinforce that from time to time. It ain't personal, they arrive with that mindset. When I've asked why, or they've told me, there are tales of good love gone bad, financial mess, and most every problem you'd read about on this forum. As a guy, don't know that I would ever marry again either. Freedom is a precious thing though the price is sometimes periods of loneliness. Being spiritual, but not religious, don't feel the need for any church okie doakie on the relationships I choose to get into. Know there are benefits for getting the State okie doakie on a relationship - but also obligations. Think each couple has to work that out for themselves. Do think its appropriate to state your intent early on so as not to have the other person burdoned with false expectations and disappointment.

Riverkilt

Joined: 11/16/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Wishing to Reconnect with Lovers from our Youth Posted: 1/25/2009 11:17:33 AM
Are you having thoughts of "the one that got away" or "what if" from your high school and college dating years? Do you wonder what could have been? Where they are now? How their life is? Are they even still alive? What would happen if you found them and reconnected? Would the spark still be there? Have we changed too much? Have read stories of young lovers reconnecting in their senior years. And gotta admit I've searched the Internet and Facebook looking to see if I could connect with some high school and college sweethearts. Still have fantasies of "boy, if we could just reconnect..." Probably looking for the easy way out, avoiding the getting to know you part of a new relationship. But I guess if I did reconnect instead of getting to know you it'd be "what's been happening?" If I'd known then what I know now....so if we had another shot at it, maybe it'd work this time...

Show ALL Forums