do men actually exist that date women with kids?? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: do men actually exist that date women with kids??

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 217 (view)

do men actually exist that date women with kids?? Posted: 12/26/2005 11:49:58 AM
Of course I would date someone with kids. I'm 49. I've already raised one set of kids. I consider myself to be an experienced and comfortable parent. I'm at home in a home with kids. That being said, I think that it's important for both parties to realize that the real issue is that the mother and boyfriend have a solid relationship. If that relationship is put on a firm foundation, then integrating the children into one's life, in whatever role is best for the situation, will come naturally. And THAT being said, speaking for my own choice, if I were to forge a long-term relationship with a woman who was still raising her children, my expectation would be that she be a good parent. The past couple of generations seem to have lost the ability to parent and children, and by extension, the society which must deal with them, suffer as a result. I would probably not continue a relationship if the woman seemed to be out of control or overwhelmed as a parent with her children.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 62 (view)

miss leading pics Posted: 12/26/2005 10:55:46 AM
Some quick observations: (1) It's natural to want to put a better looking pic up for a profile. When we first meet someone we like to put our best foot forward. It's why we usually dress better-than-average for the first date, why we clean up the house when new neighbors visit, and so on. So I think that putting a nicer looking pic up is the expected thing to do. There's nothing wrong with doing that. I also think that means that those seeing the pic should understand that it's probably one of the nicer pics. (2) There's never an excuse for deceiving. So putting up a 10-year-old pic is, in my opinion, deceit. The profile picture should be something that is recent and gives an essentially honest representation of a person's real appearance. Someone noted in one of the early posts that putting up a picture that is not representative is a reason to have a concern about one's honesty and integrity. I agree. (3) A single picture, good or bad, never really show's a person's true appearance, anyway. In the reality of everyday life there are so many facial expressions and situations that one picture just does not do it. In my profile pic, I am smiling. And I AM a happy guy. But I don't go around with a smile on my face 24/7. For what it's worth, my pic was taken about 2 months ago. I was sitting in the cab of my son's new 18-wheel tractor trailer truck. He had just gotten it and was bringing it by to show me. I took some pictures of him, and he snapped this one (it's a crop of a bigger picture). That's why the camera's orientation looks like it's a bit below me.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Newly single mother of twins... They don't want to listen Posted: 12/6/2005 9:03:27 PM
In principle, I agree 100% with Pandy. I've been there, I've done that, and that one old formula still works today: 1) Clearly defined rules and clearly defined expectations 2) Straightforward consequences that are meaningful 3) Consistency in applying the above two. Consistency! Consistency! Consistency! Some other tidbits on the side... ...try not to lose your cool and yell. It's hard, but if you find yourself going to the yelling mode take a brief break and then come back and address the issue. ... realize that they are going through a bad time, too. That's not a justification or an excuse and you shouldn't treat it that way. But it helps to know some of the things that are affecting them. And, as a by-the-way, I also have twin girls, among others. Aren't twins great?!

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

My Sister Does This Posted: 11/25/2005 5:09:57 AM
Actually, I have a sister who does this! She does erotic glamour photography for women. There's a little studio set up in her basement, rather nicely done, with lots of props and outfits. She has two motorcycles, one a Harley, in her garage. She takes nicely done (i.e. not pornograhpic) pics of the women, some nude with some kind of background, some in clothing of one kind or another. They look like studio pictures. (Well, I guess they are - I just never thought of her as professional.) She has more business than she can handle. There are a lot of women out there--more than I would have ever guessed--who want to get pictures who want to have fun, tastefully erotic pictures done for their husbands or boyfriends, and who feel more comfortable going to a female photographer to do it. She also thinks that females are more in tune with what females want and like (and she's probably right). She says that there are a lot of women of all ages who have pictures done, and that many of them are ones that you would think would never do it. It's not her full-time business, but she says that she could make it that way, if she wanted. She does no advertising. All of her business has come from word-of-mouth and through her cosmetology business, which is her main line of work. Oh, and she doesn't do guys. Some do ask! LOL

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Justice is Good Enough On It's Own Posted: 11/25/2005 4:58:29 AM
halokitty said: They have the death penalty in some states. Doesn't stop people from killing each other. True, but it does serve several purposes: (1) It stops that killer cold. The recidivism rate for executed murderers is easy to calculate: it's 0%. (2) If the death penalty appeals process would be cleaned up it would be cheaper, too. There's no need for the state to spend our money (we earn it and pay it to the state, after all) to feed, provide medical care to, and keep alive a capital murder criminal. (3) It serves justice for the deed done. Rehabiliatation does not need to be an issue in a" capital murder case. Capital murderers don't need rehabilitation - they need ultimate justice for their crime. (4) It helps the living victims of the crime. It does not and cannot bring back their lost loved one or friend. It does not even necessarily provide final closure--that's often not possible in a murder case. But it does help the great majority of them to feel that justice was served and that the loss of their victim has some meaning in the justice system. The focus should not be on the rights of the murderous criminal, but on the needs of the living victims. I could go on, but that's a good start. ;)

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

Your Desk Posted: 11/25/2005 4:49:44 AM
Actually, mine's not too messy right now (not that it's not had it's days). First, my computer desk came from my sister. She unexpectedly died five years ago and while it's a simple desk, it is, after a fashion, a bit sentimental for me because of that. I could get something better, but the character and life in this desk from my sister is worth much more than the impersonal cold wood of a fancy new one. On the top shelf of mine there is a small Tiffany lamp, my speakers (3), a Civil War computer game box, and on top of that my web cam camera. Behind that is a large die-cast model of a Peterbilt sem-tractor truck and a heavy haul trailer. It represents both my son and a good friend of mine who drive big trucks. Second shelf, and the one that the monitor sits on (i.e. the main desk) has, well, the monitor, a cut of hot tea (it's early morning) which I am working through as we speak, my digital camera, my cell phone, an empty Diet Pepsi bottle that will find it's way to the trash as soon as I get up, and a stack of blank CD's. There are two side shelves. Top: a half-sheaf of computer paper. Bottom: my printer, and the assorted cords from the computer. Unusual but interesting question!

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

From The Inside Posted: 11/24/2005 7:52:45 PM
Among my long line of job experiences one was being a case worker for Big Brothers and Sisters. So I've had an inside view of the organization. I could obviously write a long treatise -- I'll spare you ;) -- but here would be a few comments. A Big Brother could be a wonderful dose of medicine for your son, IF you don't stumble into one of the pitfalls. For your experience with BB to work, here are some of the things that I would suggest that you do and/or be aware of: 1) Talk to your son about it first. Be sure that he is open to it. 2) BG & BS, at least when I was in it, had a long line of people who would volunteer, filled with the zeal of doing a good deed, but then once they started realized that it was actually a lot of work on their part. They would drop out after only a handful of visits with the boy (or girl). This obviously left a lot of hurt feelings, rejection issues, etc. If possible, try to get a proven BB (long-term) who is making a natural turn-over with his child, i.e. ready for another one. If not, try to work with your case worker as hard as you can to get someone who will not be a drop-out. 3) Sometimes personalities just don't match and it doesn't work out with the kid and his BB. Kid's not bad. BB is not bad. They just don't click. Don't give up. Talk to your son and then work out another match. 4) Try as hard as you can to make sure that your son does not bring in a lot of issues to the relationship. Of course he's still a young boy and will be one. That's fine. But if he's exhibiting a lot of behavior issues with his BB, has other severe psychological problems, etc. he can torpedo the process, unless his BB is on board with all of it. A lot of BB's are not that experienced with young kids or how to handle them, so they don't come in as experienced parents or trained professionals. 5) You need to continue to work very closely with both him, the BB, and the caseworker throughout the whole process. You need to talk to your son about how it's all going, you need to be interested in his activities with his BB, you need to give him some guidance and feedback on how to manage the relationship from his perspective and his abilities. You need to be encouraging and supportive. It's a team work initiative, with several key players. And I am starting to write a treatise, aren't I? LOL OK, I'll stop. Bottom line: go for it, but be very proactive and part of the team in making it work.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Life With Twins Posted: 11/24/2005 5:02:10 PM
Hi, Vivienne. While growing up my twins were part of a university twin study, from birth through 18 years of age. It was a wonderful experience, really gave them a lot of identity for their twinness, and we learned a lot! One of the things that we learned that you might be interested in is that of all sibling pairings, including singletons, that the very closest in emotional attachment is identical twin girls. I can certainly see that in mine. When they were younger they would never do anything without one another, and would always check with the other before making a decision on something like that. It might be something as simple as going to the store and I would ask who wanted to go with me for the ride. One would quickly look at the other and without every saying a word would either reply affirmatively or not. So sometimes even the communication was non-verbal. They only spent a few days not sleeping together until they moved out. There was a big deal about them finally wanting separate beds when they were about six years old. So we went out bed shopping and got a nice set of bunk beds and set them up for them. They were so excited, chose their respective top and bottom positions, and thought it was the coolest thing in the world. Lasted maybe three days. LOL. I went in one evening and there was the one from the top bunk in bed with the one on the bottom. Soon we took them down and put them side-by-side. As noted, they always slept together after that until they became adults. When they would fight as kids it would start instantly and it would end instantly, and when it was over it was like nothing had ever happened. They didn't get into trouble too often, but when they did it was invariably together. They swapped clothes, shared toys and dolls, and helped each other with homework. Today they both work at the same place of business. Their long-time boyfriends are two boys who grew up being best friends to one another, so were a "pair" all on their own. I don't have to ask. I'm sure that you can relate to it. ;)

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Not Strange At All Posted: 11/24/2005 2:35:59 PM
In fact, I think those that can be happy and self-fulfilled in the single life will make the best partners when in a relationship. They don't have any needy needs that must be fulfilled, and they will not be co-dependant on their mate for emotional satisfaction. They will generally fall into a relationship because of a genuine attraction to someone--which is the best way--rather than being driven by something that the other person can do for them. We have no guarantee of being in a relationship in this life. Further, if we are in one there's no guarantee of it being a good one. So we had better learn to be happy and content living with ourselves. Then, take what comes our way in relationships as a gift and give thanks for it (since today is Thanksgiving Day ;) ).

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

Government Teaching Parenting - NO WAY! Posted: 11/24/2005 11:57:04 AM
drinkjack said: Completed Childbirth and early childraising courses supplied by the Government And who decides what the government teaches? There is a tremendous amount of controversy today on what's right for kids and what's not. That's why it's generally left up to parents. The government has found creative ways to screw up just about every thing that they have gotten into. Why would I want to let them set the standard for something like parenting values?

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 78 (view)

ADHD and ADD the real thing or a cop out? Posted: 11/24/2005 11:51:51 AM
stumbler said: BUT when it is a valid diagnosis I can't imagine why you wouldn't treat it ... Just to clarify, in case that comment comes from my post, when it is the correct diagnosis, I do think it should be treated. I just think that over diagnosis is rampant.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

20-Year Old Identical Girls! Posted: 11/24/2005 11:34:37 AM
I just posted to someone else about them earlier this morning. As I told them, it's two-cool to have twins. ;) Incidence of twins, by the way, varies on a number of things, including age, ethnicity, etc. In the U.S. it ranges from about 1 pair in every 88-100 births. A slight rise has been shown in recent years, partly due to women having children at an older age and partly due to fertility drugs, among other conjectured reasons. For those who think that hereditary is a link it is, but only for fraternals. There is no hereditary connection for identicals.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Do you ever hate being the bad guy? Posted: 11/24/2005 10:24:15 AM
prinzessfiona said: I think that there is going to be a tanned hide in my future (JOKE FOLKS)!* Why a joke? If she needs a tanned hide, give her one! You're the parent and it's ok to discipline your child, even with spanking. For what you describe I would probably have lit a fire if one of my children had done something similar. Of course, there will be some who will disagree with you, but you're the parent and not them and you know your child much better than they do. And I can guarantee that there will also be a bunch who will totally support you.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

Would a man seriously date a woman with three kids Posted: 11/24/2005 10:14:45 AM
christianmom said: Would men actually date someone with that much baggage? While there are men out there who, for various reasons, would be reluctant to date and/or enter into a long-term partnership with a woman with children, be assured that there are also plenty out there who see that as no impediment at all and would make wonderful role models for your children. It's like anything else, though. You have to work at it. Get around. Talk to people (guys). Correspond. Understand and learn their values. Share who you are. Sooner or later the chemistry will bubble and you'll find the right guy.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 76 (view)

ADHD and ADD the real thing or a cop out? Posted: 11/24/2005 10:08:25 AM
jessika said: Do you think it is a cop out either by the drs or even us as parents? I think that ADHD/ADD are real conditions. I think that the incidence in the population is relatively low. I think that the incidence in the population has changed very little over the years. I that in times past the condition was not recognized and, therefore, not treated. I think that in current times that it is grossly over-diagnosed, to the point of crisis potential. I think that as part of being over diagnosed that many kids are drugged as a form of behavior control, when just good, old fashioned discipline and structure would be more than sufficient. So, in today's time, I think that to a large extent both professionals and parents are engaging in a huge cop-out.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

Funniest thing your child(ren) did or said?? Posted: 11/24/2005 9:57:56 AM
When my oldest daughter, Rachael, was about three years old she came into the bedroom one day when I was laying on the bed and reading a book. I had a two liter Coca-Cola bottle beside me and had the top in my hand. At that time they were aluminum and had these little flanges on the edges. I had the top in my hand and had idly and subconsciously spread the flanges out, producing sharp edges. Rachael sees it in my hand and takes it from me. A few moments passed. Suddenly, my mind snapped out of my book and onto the fact that a three-year-old child has a sharp object in her hand that she could possibly cut herself with. "Jesus!" I exclaimed, in sudden realization, then, "Give that to me!" And I took the bottle cap out of her hand. She reluctantly gave up the top, but gave me a wicked look in doing so. 'Boy,' I thought. 'She's being a little hard head.' Then she clarified the matter. Speaking in a determined little voice, she said: "My name is not Jesus! It's Rachael!" I learned a lesson both in the thinking of young children and in using a religious name inappropriately.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

The thing I dread about the HoliDAZE.... Posted: 11/24/2005 9:11:00 AM
Kat, So do I! Identical girls, now 20. As a parent of twins I've always been tuned in to other twin families, and that caught my eye. I've had such a great time raising them and love being a twin parent. There are just some aspects to having twins that you have to be there to understand, i.e. hard to explain to parents of singletons, but which other twin parents know. They are No.'s 5 & 6 of seven total. Oldest is a son, the following six girls. Isn't having twins just too cool?! (Or, "two cool" - LOL). (Oh, and they are stopping by my house on the way home from work today. They work together (surprise, surprise) and when they get off are coming by for a Thanksgiving toast.)

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

U.S. Jury system' is it compromised? Posted: 11/24/2005 5:28:36 AM
jmsglds said: ...just one dissatisfied juror can prevent justice and, cause a mistrial. That knife cuts both ways. Just one juror can also prevent the miscarriage of justice, when someone has been charged under an unreasonable law or unreasonable circumstances. There are laws on the books in all states that have been passed by legislators working in their own ivory tower view, or which have been interpreted beyond what the original intent was by legislators. In general, I think that the legal and jury system works well enough, compared to other systems in the world. Most people in the courts broke a law that they should not have, and most people found guilty should be. But there are exceptions, either on weak evidence or non-sensical laws, and the jury system is one--sometimes the only--hedge against those.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 104 (view)

So where were YOU when man first walked on the moon? Posted: 11/23/2005 9:45:19 PM
Yep! I remember it clearly. I was 13 years old and water skiing on Barren River Reservoir lake in Kentucky on a hot July day. It was Sunday, July 20. We were all very aware of the moon landing scheduled for that day and of the historical implications of the feat. So we wrapped up our skiing day early enough to get back home and to the TV's to watch it all unfold.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

Do older men fear dating a woman with chilren? Posted: 11/23/2005 9:16:38 PM
Speaking only for myself, not at all. And if I repeat what has been said before, I apologize since I haven't read the intervening replies. I'm 49. I've dated much younger women with young children. If I am seeing someone who is much younger I actually prefer them to have children because in most cases they are much more mature, and much more grounded in the realities of life than those who have not yet had their babies. I've raised 7 kids myself. I loved being a father and have seven of the greatest kids in the world. At this point I'm very comfortable in the parent role, whether the kid is a baby needing diapers changed or a teen going thorugh difficult years. (For a period of about 18 months, until my oldest turned 20, I had six teenagers at one time! LOL) My focus would be on my partner. If she's got some common sense and is a good parent who raises her kids well, caring for the kids for me would be no issue. In fact, I think I would make a great step-parent/step-partner for them. The most important thing would be that their mother and I have a good, solid relationship, so the real issue would be whether or not she and I are compatible for one another.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

The Book of Sins Posted: 11/23/2005 5:03:13 PM
Difficult question, since the list could get tricky in both categories if one wanted to be thorough. NEVERS[\b] (A 3-pak of examples) Bad personal hygiene Cheating Uncontrolled and/or frequent anger MAYBES[\b] (Examples) Smoking (tobacco only!) Political liberalism Chronic tardiness I would say that in the big picture, the list of NEVERS would not be excessively long, and the list of MAYBES should be broad. We all have our quirks. To live a happy life we need to be forgiving and tolerant. After all, they have their list of MAYBES, too, and you can probably give cause for a few check marks on it, too. ;)

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

The thing I dread about the HoliDAZE.... Posted: 11/23/2005 10:51:51 AM
Hey, Kat. You said: ...youngest two just turned 18! So do you have twins?

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 131 (view)

What Is An Appropriate Punishment For Rapists And Child Molestors Posted: 11/23/2005 7:38:24 AM
I'm just replying to the original post and haven't read all of the 6 pages of responses between. Though from the few that I've seen I suspect that I will just be singing with the choir with mine. Rapists The legal niceties of the law divides rape into many different catagories. In some of those, especially age related with middle/older teens, the sex can be consensual in both cases but it is still considered rape. I'm not saying that an adult man who preys on vulnerable teens in this way should NOT be punished (they should), but I recognize that when it's a teen and it's consensual on the surface that there are more complex issues to be dealt with. That being said, any time that rape is a forced issue I think that we made a mistake in removing it from the list of capital crimes. I have no problem taking these guys out and hanging them. Child Molesters Hang them [u]and[/u] make them suffer in the process.

SouthernCav

Joined: 11/18/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Out of the South Posted: 11/23/2005 7:21:30 AM
The first challenge in this post was to write a subject line that wasn't a variation of, "I'm New." ;) Just introducing myself since I am, in fact, new. I wasn't actually looking for POF, but stumbled across it on a net search. The name looked interesting. Clicked. Here I am. I won't go into a lot of detail here. I made a pretty hefty bio entry if you really want to know more. The basics are that I'm a 49 year old male, living in Kentucky, work in corporate management, have mostly raised my (several!) kids. I have an avid interest in history, and especially the Civil War period. One of my hobbies is reenacting in a Civil War cavalry group. So other interests include horses and camping. I'm also an amateur photographer, and pursue genealogy. While I was born and raised in Kentucky and live here now, in between I've also been a resident of WV, IL, FL, NY, and SC. Interesting experiences, all! I'm here mostly to make friends! I love participating on discussion forums, and would like to pick up a few e-mail pals along the way, too. And since it's the day before the big turkey day, Happy and Blessed Thanksgiving to all. Dennis

Show ALL Forums