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zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

A Healthy, Low Calorie, Guilt-Free Thanksgiving... Posted: 11/4/2009 5:46:25 PM
MichelleRenee, Are you planning any desserts? When I was a child, I adored pumpkin pie filling but detested the crust. So, my long-suffering mother would bake part of the filling in a small greased pie plate. I still like that version, and that way you don't have additional calories with the crust. And, you can still make the regular filling with evaporated milk; fewer calories than light cream. I haven't tried this recipe, but thought it sounded interesting. Hope it's what you are looking for. Lite 'n Easy Crustless Pumpkin Pie http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/detail.aspx?ID=28790

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Misconceptions and Ms Takes Posted: 10/11/2009 10:21:25 AM
Astrophil, There's definitely something to consider in TexasBaby's reply. I've also followed your previous threads and I took the liberty of checking your "history" to refresh my memory. I'm wondering if there is a bit of Asperger's going on here (and please don't take that the wrong way; I've got a bit of it too, mainly manifesting itself in a tendency to focus upon one hobby or activity and also not being able sometimes to figure out nonverbal "cues"!) I would also ask you, though, to consider this question: Are you truly interested in an individual woman for everything she is...or are you just asking out women here and there with no real interest? Too, I caught the pun in your subject line...but some women might not, and/or be turned off by the pun. Women can tell the difference between these two types. Also, don't give up in total despair quite yet IF you are ready and willing to invest time in self-improvement. I did so a few years ago after several personal and professional shakeups, and it resulted in a huge positive re-evaluation of my priorities. Hey, I'm 47 and never been married as of yet, so we aren't that rare! And, I'm sure you are sick of hearing other people tell you this next one...I certainly was, and would never have believed it if it hadn't happened to me. But honestly? Once you let go of panicking about finding THE one, often you will indeed meet somebody! However, you might need to let go as well of the "ideal" partner. I wouldn't have predicted that my sweetie would be seven years younger than me, a Republican, and totally into hunting and fishing...! I'd have said, "No way! Are you kidding me?" But our beliefs, morals, and values are exactly in line -- and that's what counts so much. Good luck and really, seriously consider some of the other posters' observations!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Chocolate frosting, how do you make it. Posted: 10/4/2009 4:32:50 PM
The cream cheese one sounds wonderful! I made a 9" by 13" pan of brownies today -- used this recipe from Nestles.com, but I didn't add the other 6 oz. of chocolate chips to the brownie recipe! I also had some leftover cooled strong brewed coffee. I added about 2 tablespoons to the brownie recipe. http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/detail.aspx?ID=28489 Instead, I used the remaining 6 oz. with this recipe: 6 oz. chocolate chips 4 T. butter 1 T. cooled brewed coffee --melt together in a heavy-duty saucepan on top of the stove. --Add: 2 cups sifted powdered sugar 1 T. vanilla --Mix together and then add milk VERY gradually, just enough to make a glossy smooth frosting. --Add coarsely chopped pecans, or walnuts, and spread on top of cooled brownies. Very good!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 196 (view)

Women who have more education than the man whom they are dating Posted: 10/3/2009 3:40:54 PM
Hi back, Ismene! I always enjoy your responses. And for all of you returning to college...I give you so much respect and recognition! This economy in the U.S. has done one good thing (if I can say that...) -- it has forced us to rethink priorities, both personal and professional. So many people have summed up this question far better than I. A degree, in and of itself, is a great achievement. For a relationship's success, though, the partners must be in "sync" about many aspects other than debating about the proverbial angels dancing on that equally proverbial pin. As noted, my guy has taken college courses but did not complete a degree. And, I'm going to make a confession here (read: embarrassment!) When he first called me, I wasn't sure he and I would have much in common (!) But, as we chatted a few more times on the phone, I realized that he was truly a good, good guy. (I had met him briefly and thought he was cute, BTW!) When we went on our first date over lunch? We talked for about 2 hours! I'm very glad I slowed down, listened, and paid attention -- and yep, he IS cute to boot!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 56 (view)

Women who have more education than the man whom they are dating Posted: 9/27/2009 7:21:42 PM
I haven't been posting much lately in the forums, but this thread caught my eye for a variety of reasons. Ron, I like your definition that there are two questions going on here. If you look at just degrees, then yes...I'd qualify as having more college degrees than my sweetie. (I have a bachelor and two masters, and he has taken college classes but did not finish.) But, in terms of intelligence? My goodness. He and I wound up being a great balance. I am much more from a humanities background, while he is a whiz in mathematics, physics, and geometry! So, it's a nice match; I can describe novels and films I think he would like, while he can figure up the square footage of a room faster than I could ever calculate. More to the point, we are in agreement about basic life values and beliefs. Sometimes I wonder, too, if the following factor makes a difference. He is seven years younger than I -- while I don't wish to generalize, I do think in our case he is less "threatened" by my degrees than perhaps older men would be. That's been my experience, anyway. He seems to get a kick out of what I do for a living and is proud of me, rather than feeling intimidated -- and I love hearing about his daily work. A good thread and discussion!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 142 (view)

Okay, is turning 45 the worst or what? Posted: 9/24/2009 8:22:16 PM
My goodness. Gem (AKA the OP) posted this thread three years ago about turning 45...since the OP is no longer with us, I wonder how he/she is doing these days! Original question? For whatever reason, 45 didn't bother me...but boy, 46 really did. I think it was because of many issues at that time. Then, lots of things changed. The month I turned 46 (August 2008), my aunt died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and we learned at the same time that my grandmother was dying of cancer. Last September and October are total blurs of going back and forth, being ready to hear bad news at a moment's notice, and so on. Grandma died in early October, so it will soon be one year. In the ensuing months, I did tons of reflection and meditation. Among other matters, I realized that my biological family was shrinking -- and I needed to reorient my priorities ASAP. Guess what happened? When I did and opened up emotionally, in walked my younger sweetie. I feel quite confident that, had we met in early 2008, I would have rejected him. My 47th birthday couldn't have been more different, or more wonderful. So...don't ever let age in and of itself get you down. If you have your physical and emotional health, just really be thankful.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 31 (view)

What exactly do I have with this Man? Posted: 7/23/2009 4:01:07 PM
cnn1, If things are working so far for you both, and if you are indeed OK with not having an "ideal", then none of us really have the right to tell you what is and isn't workable for you. You are the only one who knows how you truly feel. Returning to your original question, though, it seems like you are indeed wondering if this is a "relationship". And I can certainly understand why you might be posing such a question. You ask "how many of you have your ideal??" I finally do with a terrific guy, at my really advanced age of almost 47 (!) But I have to tell you...it happened to me only when I let go of my expectations. I admitted that go-nowhere situations WERE honestly going nowhere. And it was the oddest thing -- almost as soon as I acknowledged I deserved more in a relationship, I received it. I am very thankful, every day. I wound up with a wonderful man who loves and supports me emotionally -- and is geographically and otherwise available 24/7 in every way. If this man is emotionally supportive, that's great. However...what do you truly, truly want? You have a lovely profile, and personally I believe that you (and we all) deserve our "ideal". I send you good thoughts, and I wish you all the best whatever you decide.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Neiman-Marcus Cookies Posted: 7/16/2009 11:10:45 AM
Oh, yes, definitely an oldie but goodie hoax. And, the "roots" are way, way back in an even older hoax concerning the Waldorf-Astoria Red Velvet Cake, and before THAT, a $25.00 Fudge Cake! As noted earlier, this information is from Snopes at http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/cookie.asp And also linked from the Snopes site is the refutation from Neiman-Marcus, along with a free recipe: http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/service/nm_cookie_recipe.jhtml

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Cold Veggie Pizza Posted: 7/11/2009 10:47:10 AM
I love making this recipe, too. To cut down a bit on fat, etc., I have made it with lower-fat crescent roll dough, light sour cream and light cream cheese mixed together with the ranch dressing mix or dip mix, and finally a low-fat shredded cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. Hmmm! I believe it is time for a trip to the grocery store!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Banoffie Pie ..or tart .. or whatever it is Posted: 7/6/2009 8:35:53 PM
As neo137 noted, that might be part of the difference in the crust. I love Google for the fact that you can get an international scope on food! Apparently, another recipe used to appear on Nestle's Carnation Condensed Milk cans (over here in the US of A, we tend to think instead of "Eagle Brand" sweetened condensed milk!) Anyway, here's an interesting blog link about the Nestle recipe and it refers to digestive biscuits and butter for the crust. Also, a different way of cooking the caramel base. http://queenofpots.blogspot.com/2008/12/nestle-banoffee-pie.html

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Is inexperience likely to put you off a man? Posted: 7/4/2009 5:41:21 AM
Astrophil, I remember some of your earlier threads, and I had looked at your profile a while ago when you were asking for similar feedback. I have some mixed feelings about your question...so forgive me in advance if I sound more critical than I mean to be. I was in your proverbial shoes a few years ago -- never married, no kids, no real long-lasting serious relationships. So, yes, I can certainly understand why such a situation might be a red flag to either gender. Some of your experiences are beyond your control; in my case, I was not exactly putting myself in social situations where I might be likely to meet more people. I was also allowing my work to be a substitute for pretty much everything, and investing much more emotion in work than was necessary or healthy for me. Here's what I did -- take my advice FWIW (!) Contributing to the POF forums over the past 1 1/2 years really helped me understand much, much more about the opposite sex -- seriously! I read, responded, and took into consideration all the great (and even not so great) discussions about dating, relationships, etc. In the process, I forced myself to reconsider what I truly wanted out of life in general -- not just a relationship, but my long-term overall goals personally. I wound up gaining some insights about my behavior that were difficult to admit at first -- but it worked. After some attitude readjustments, I met someone in early January who (and I hate to say this, but it's true) I would have dismissed had I not been re-examining my life. As it turned out, he is also a never-been-married guy with no kids! But as good luck would have it, he had been doing the same thinking about his life. We "clicked" in every way -- physically, emotionally, and with the same basic philosophies. So you see, if it happened for me, it will definitely happen for you. So for you? Don't get too hung up on your current situation -- but do take some time to think about the way you might be coming across to women. I'd also encourage you to consider women who at first glance, might not exactly be the "type" you think of. Now, I don't mean at all that you should try to like someone despite NO attraction whatsoever! In my case, though, I used to believe that a couple had to like exactly the same things -- or else there was no future. I have learned since that the same basic outlooks upon life are much more important than sharing every single interest. (So, that means my sweetie is thrilled about a marathon this weekend of "The Deadliest Catch" -- and I shall spend part of that time reading and occasionally saying, "Oh, yes, hon. Watching those crabs be caught over and over and over is really exciting!") Good luck to you!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

Conflicting interests Posted: 7/1/2009 8:53:42 PM
I like the way you phrased it, kpooks, on "arriving at the same level of passion and intelligence in conversations that you can share." Way, way back in my dark ages, I used to think a man and I had to share exactly the same interests; otherwise, how in the world would we have anything in common? Boy, did I learn some lessons -- the difficult way! I now realize that it's more important to share the same general outlook upon life in general, and have similar goals. But the same interests (if we are defining interests by hobbies, cultural tastes, and the like)? Not necessarily! I never thought, for instance, that I'd be dating someone who likes Metallica and AC/DC, enjoys hunting and fishing, and is glued to The Deadliest Catch on Discovery! (I think he has a man-crush on Sig...) Of course, I'm sure he never thought he would be dating a gal who can't miss The Bold and the Beautiful (love love love that show), and is hopelessly addicted to the Michael Jackson coverage! We certainly never, ever have boring conversations, that's for sure! But, that's the sheer fun of our relationship. We agree on the many other things that make up a commitment -- and that is great!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 70 (view)

Hassle free dating Posted: 6/29/2009 3:00:58 PM
More than anything, I just wonder why people date, when it's not positive and fun, easy going and natural? I also wonder if some men and women are sort of "addicted" to volatile roller-coaster relationships. I know a couple of women who are this way, and I'd venture to guess some guys are as well. You all know the type: Agonizing over every supposed hidden meanings in conversations; fighting all the time with no sense of resolution, but still staying together; dramatically recounting every clash; etc. No, thanks. I can say this with certainty because I used to be that way. While I wasn't as extreme as some, I thought (wrongly) that a relationship had to be difficult for it to have meaning -- the proverbial star-crossed lovers (!) Ironically or not, when I finally let go of that confused notion -- that's when I was emotionally ready to become involved with the man I'm currently seeing. And in many ways, I believe he had gone through the same realizations. More than anything else, we just have a lot of fun together -- and isn't that one of the points of a relationship? Absolutely!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

He's Just Not that Into You Question Posted: 6/22/2009 8:58:38 PM
Haven't seen the movie, but I did read (and yeah, bought) the book when it was first published. Much of it is of course common sense for both genders, but I do recommend the book. It still took me a few more years (insert red face here) for the message to get through this zeeba's rather thick head, but the bottom line is absolutely spot on. If the man OR woman isn't into you, there isn't a darned thing you as the other person can do about it. Don't take anything personally; move on; love and respect yourself before you can possibly expect another to do the same. Good luck to all!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 193 (view)

Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice in Dating scary music swells Posted: 6/22/2009 8:44:14 PM
Can you date a pro-life advocate if you are pro-choice, and vice versa? Yes. Is there a way to find a happy medium with them? Absolutely (so far, anyway!) Good question, OP. That's precisely the situation I have right now with my s.o. I'm pro-choice, and always have been. He is pro-life, partially (I think) because he was brought up Catholic -- although he isn't currently practicing it. So, how do we get along? Very well. Maybe because we got together relatively late in life (this is still my younger sweetie at the age of 40, and me getting ready to turn 47 in August!) We also have differing views on some political issues; he is definitely more conservative than I am, for example. But at the same time, we really enjoy some lively discussions...and most important, neither one of us ever, ever belittles the other for each viewpoint. That, I believe, is the key to making those "differences" work.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Banofie Pie ..or tart .. or whatever it is Posted: 5/31/2009 8:06:17 PM
Try this one, from the person who invented it (according to his website): http://www.iandowding.co.uk/recipes/downloads/downloads.html (click on the PDF link) I particularly like the suggestion for cooking the cans of the sweetened condensed milk, covered with boiling water, in a covered pot in the oven. Don't know if I will try it, though! We are fortunate in my area to be able to buy the Nestle La Lechera dulce de leche in cans, so I must do this pie using the product. Will report back!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 68 (view)

Men in their 40's, attracted to women in their 40's? Posted: 4/7/2009 4:47:40 PM
So, just out of curiousity, when a man in his mid to late 40's shows interest in me, should I take it seriously? I don't know, Ismene...maybe you should and good luck to you, girl! I do appreciate the OP starting this thread, very much. Boy, can I relate. Do you know, fellow POFers, that in my many years of dating I've never had a bit of serious interest shown by men close to my own age? Truly. The few men I have dated close to my age lost interest, pretty quickly! And what did they do? Yep, they went for the younger women! So throughout my life, the "serious" men have either been quite a bit older than me, or several years younger. It used to bother me considerably until I realized -- their loss and certainly not mine! I then learned to enjoy what I had, and started having fun. I was quite surprised when my current sweetie expressed serious interest in me...six years younger than me, and all that. But in terms of maturity, we are pretty close to the same. He's very much a self-made man, while I've been a bit of a late bloomer...so I guess we meet in the middle and it works!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What motivates you to look for a relationship? Posted: 3/31/2009 4:20:57 PM
A very good question and a great statement, mrimprovement: The only motivation to meed someone in the real world comes from both parties having an honest interest in each other, and an honest desire to be with someone in real life. My primary motivation started over two years ago with a professional shakeup in my job; not huge, but enough to make me realize that for far too long I had invested too much time in my career. And on the flip side, not nearly enough time in a satisfactory personal life. So after "bouncing back" professionally and getting in shape physically, I spent even more time (lots of it here on these threads, as long-term POFers will know!) really working on getting over tons of emotional hurdles. I realized along the way...I did want a relationship. And I wanted it to be with someone who was as "into" me in every way as I would be to him, and most important -- a man who was free in all senses to do so. Otherwise, I would be fine staying alone (NOT lonely, though.) So, was I ready? Yes, finally...and a small confession that I had to let go first of that great desire for men who were unavailable. Once I did that, in the most wonderful and unexpected way possible I did meet a man IRL. The physical and the emotional both are absolutely terrific... But, we both were ready at the same time. Like me, he was also more content being single and alone than settle for an unsatisfactory relationship.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 197 (view)

Women question a man over 50 and not been married? Posted: 3/30/2009 8:39:18 PM
Poor Sodturner (the OP)! I'll bet he didn't know what a wild thread this would turn out to be. Like Fifi, I attempted to return to the original question ABOUT questioning a man over 50 who has never been married. Oh, my. Really, it does come down to a variety of internal and external factors...none of which can be generalized to "all never-married men" or "all never-married women". Good heavens, look at me! I'm an infamous never-married woman currently involved with an equally infamous never-married man. And to boot, he is younger than me! No way could I ever have thought, or guessed, that this would happen to me at 46. But, guess what? Not only is it working for both of us, we have also been discussing that concept of....marriage (!) For us, we both had to be ready at the right time. No way was either of us terrified of commitment in our previous relationships. Rather, they just simply weren't meant to work out. So, everyone, let's really be careful not to rush to judgments about any situation.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Kraft Dinner has an expiry date? LOL Posted: 3/28/2009 12:12:18 PM
You know, when I was a kid my family must have eaten tons of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (AKA Kraft Dinner, which I think is such an interesting brand name for this mix in Canada! That's why I like this forum so much.) My mother fixed it at least once a week, usually as a side dish with hamburger patties and a canned veggie. Ah, the good/bad old eating habits of the late 1960s.... Apologies to those who still like the stuff, but I can't stand it now! If I have a mac and cheese craving, I really do make it from scratch. I like both the more traditional method of making a cheese sauce, as well as a Southern version of using grated cheese, milk, and one or two eggs to hold everything together when you bake it. (Now don't laugh -- that version is good!)

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Apple Crisp recipe... Posted: 3/11/2009 7:44:59 PM
Oooh, this is sounding good right now. My recipe is a lot like Dovelett's, and sometimes I add a dash of nutmeg to the oatmeal mixture. I also bake mine in the oven, but should give the slow cooker a try. Something I discovered that does make a difference: After you peel, core, and slice the apples, melt some butter in a skillet and saute the apple slices with a bit of white sugar added. No specific time because it depends upon the type of apple; some give off more moisture than others. Don't cook them completely, but do let the syrup develop (and you can add some of the cinnamon or other spices here as well.) Also, try a mixture of tart and sweet apples (such as Granny Smith and Delicious apples); a nice contrast. Then, place the apples and syrup in a greased baking dish and continue with the oatmeal mixture on top, and bake. Honestly, that little bit of extra time to cook the apples slightly really does make a difference!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 92 (view)

Women question a man over 50 and not been married? Posted: 3/11/2009 5:22:53 PM
Well, since I am like other gals on this thread and also have never been married...I don't feel that I'm in the best position to judge or point fingers! It really is an individual thing rather than a wholesale, sweeping generalization. Sort of like if I said, "Well, all those divorced people! What is wrong with them? Totally damaged, for sure!" I will say, though, that people who have not been married often DO come at life with different points of view. (See, I can say that about myself, hee hee hee!) In my current relationship, my guy also has never been married. That's been really interesting for both of us! Neither of us has any children as well...and no pressing desire to do so. I wouldn't say that either of us is more cynical or less cynical -- but the way we look at life is different from when I have dated divorced men. And trust me, it's also not better or worse to be never married, or divorced. It's just that you don't usually share the same experiences. Although I have had bad breakups, I'd never even dare to compare them to the experience of going through a divorce.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

how do u know if he's not a predator? Posted: 3/10/2009 8:26:57 PM
Oh, that's easy. As Kathy Griffin says, she's addicted to the show "To Catch a Predator"...and the best sign is that predators LOVE iced tea! It's true! Just watch sometime. The underaged decoy is walking around carrying a basket of laundry as the would-be predator walks into the kitchen with the obligatory granite-top counter. He's starting to get nervous until she calls out, "I made some iced tea! Want some?" Then, he's like, "Oh, yeah, baby! Iced tea! Sounds good!" (And then, here comes Chris Hanson...) So, offer the guy some iced tea and see what happens! Sorry, but I really could not resist this one...

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 1087 (view)

Do you believe that there are some Good Men left ? Posted: 3/9/2009 1:14:13 PM
YES.....They are around you just need to be open to them. I could not have phrased it better. Same with all those proverbial "good women" out there. The key thing, though: First, we may have to get over some of those tendencies to pine romantically over the ones we can't have. But if we can do so, the available ones just might be all over the place! Good luck to all.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 186 (view)

Woman won't tell me her last name Posted: 3/9/2009 1:06:11 PM
Like others on this thread, it would be a bit interesting if the OP did come back with more information...but that may not happen (Hey! You scared him away!) So, I'm going to answer this one from another perspective brought out by several posters. I do want to know a first name and last name of the man I'm going out with for the first time. Same goes for me -- so far, I've never had any hesitation about giving my first name and last name. The reason? Hopefully, I've been smart enough to do the appropriate screening in the first place that we'd both be comfortable with that information. If someone isn't revealing his/her last name, could be because of a lot of things. Trust me on this one, though: If the person is married, he/she can hide that information in a LOT of ways other than not revealing a last name! The key is to ask questions in the right manner, and pay attention to instinct and "red flags." When I met my current guy, he already knew my full name -- mainly because of his friend who thought we might make a good match! And when he called me the first time, he gave me his full name right off the bat. We talked a few times on the phone, met for lunch, and things worked out after that...but again, it wasn't as if I was saying, "Oooh! A guy called me! Instant connection!" We got to know each other pretty well, so the "name" issue wasn't a concern. (Actually, I did have one name concern...my first name to family and others who have known me for a long time is a nickname that I don't really like! So when I met my guy, he wound up calling me by this particular nickname -- simply because that's how his friend had known me. I didn't want to be rude right away, but I gently started signing off on phone calls and E-mails with my preferred name! It didn't take too long before he asked me, "You don't really like your old nickname, do you?" I had to laugh and told him tactfully that I DID prefer the full version of my first name! He caught on...I think he might be a keeper!)

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 394 (view)

Dating a Smoker Posted: 3/8/2009 8:34:30 PM
Wow! Definitely a polarizing topic, and I actually have sympathies for both sides of the issue. I am a non-smoker -- never have tried any in my life, and no plans to do so. However, I grew up in a family where my father still smokes one cigar a day (always outside, and just after dinner -- his way of relaxing, I think.) Dad switched to that before I was born, quitting a pretty bad cigarette habit from his own account. I also grew up around uncles and aunts who smoked cigarettes; it was the 1960s and early 1970s, when that was more accepted than now! So, although my personal preference is not to smoke, I do have sympathy for those who do and say that nicotine really is a difficult addiction to break. I would definitely prefer to date non-smokers as well. However, never say never. My current sweetie was still smoking a few cigarettes when we met (never around me, but I could tell!) I never said a word, but not long after we met he volunteered that he was giving up smoking for health reasons. He's wearing the nicotine patch and it seems to be working so far! When he told me he was quitting, I used the positive reinforcement technique...in all seriousness, I said that it was a wonderful idea and it would pay off in the long run for better health and longevity. So, we'll see what happens! Again, from all accounts it sounds like nicotine is one of the hardest habits to break.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Worse than a no-show- a sneak Posted: 2/23/2009 6:40:14 AM
umm... not to state the obvious but... why would you want to meet someone like that then? Why are you so surprised if you know so many of his unsavory character flaws? Seems he behaved exactly as someone of his ilk would. I'm also sorry for your experience, OP, but I agree with landra. In fact, your statement caught my attention right off the bat. Not that I am an expert...but it doesn't make much difference whether you make contact with someone through online venues or IRL. If the other person is coming off as rather arrogant/bragging, why indeed would we want to meet him/her in the first place? When you are wanting to expand your horizons, it's very easy to ignore those little clues and signs. Again, I'm sorry for that experience...and as others have noted, chalk it up as a good lesson.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Why mostly younger men? Posted: 2/14/2009 3:55:58 AM
I have to say that this is a really interesting thread. I'm pretty skeptical of a huge age difference for dating or a relationship, whether you are talking about the man being older, or the woman. I think the problem there is that you both are just not coming from the same culture, similar life experiences, and so forth. For example, I'm one of those who actually remembers life before the Internet! (I really like to tease one of my much younger friends by saying things like, "Well, gosh. We used to pick up the receiver of the landline phone, wired into the wall, and have to stay in the same place to talk! And even worse...we also used to talk to other people in person! Isn't that incredible?") However, I don't think it's too bad if there is a difference of a few years, either way. The guy I am currently dating is younger than me -- by six years. He has led a very independent and self-sufficient life, though, and that maturity factor really does make us a closer "match" than one might think. And although he is younger, he also remembers life before technology! (Honestly, I think THAT is the dividing line these days -- BI and AI -- Before Internet and After Internet!) Really, it just depends upon where you both are in terms of that maturity, and outlooks on life. Before my current sweetie, the last guy I dated was seven years older than me...but again, we had pretty much the same life experiences and that was nice.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 206 (view)

Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have? Posted: 2/13/2009 4:12:10 PM
I did notice that the OP updated his story in 2008; at that time, the woman was getting closer to a divorce but nothing had happened at that point. I'd love to know another update. My advice? Don't waste your time or life pining away for someone you can't have. Move on, and if it's meant to happen it will indeed work out. Actually, I'd move on in every single way and not even "attempt" to be friends. If you are the one in love with the person you can't have, it's just going to hurt you too much and you will never open your heart and soul to a really great, available person. (I'm speaking from much personal experience here!)

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men... Posted: 2/11/2009 7:30:26 PM
Become available already dammit! Oh, Lizachka, I love it! Lord only knows how many times I have thought that...and look what it got me. Exactly nothing, but a long series of lonely holidays and coming up with tragically romantic thoughts. Well, guess what? It's much more fun to be with someone who wants to be with you. And, I'm really glad that you other guys appreciate this one. My one regret is that I didn't learn my lessons sooner...but the proverbial "better late than never" certainly applies here. I also don't mean to generalize just to women; I am sure that some men are also "hung up" on women who play games but have no intention of settling down. I'm just speaking from my own experience, and what I have seen from some other women.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 407 (view)

Is red hot romance possible after 50? Posted: 2/11/2009 7:20:56 PM
Going way, way back to the original question posed in 2007: Yes, it's entirely possible. And it's definitely possible even if the two people in question have never been married. It happened to me, pretty much unexpected both to me and to the man. Neither one of us has ever been married...and weren't exactly looking around when "it" happened.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

plenty of good guys Posted: 2/11/2009 6:19:09 PM
Steve, I think I understand what you are saying. There are indeed a lot of good men and good women out there. But, there is more to it. My current sweetie is an example. He will say to me teasingly that he really does NOT want to be called a "nice guy"! And, I understand what he means by that. But truly? He's as good as gold, reliable, stable, and also really cute. And, I wouldn't hesitate to say to him in return, "Please do NOT refer to me as a good woman!" Obviously, everyone wants someone who has good quality traits. But, you gotta mix it up a bit with some physical attraction, chemistry, etc. It's also not good at all for either one to be totally available, all the time, willing to do everything. I love the fact that he has his own independent life, and that he seems to get a kick out of my own. Hope that helps.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men... Posted: 2/11/2009 6:02:44 PM
Nope, not anything to drink...but I'm still raising a virtual toast. And many thanks, David! (Mee-yow back, yourself BTW...!) It is very interesting how many of us wind up being far more "content" waiting for something that really isn't going to happen -- rather than recognizing what is right there in front of us. I truly wish the same for everyone on here. It's a heck of a lot more fun to be with someone who wants to be with you...this pining away romantically is for the birds! ETA: Smiles, I'm thrilled for you as well. Good going!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men... Posted: 2/11/2009 4:19:07 PM
And if THAT thread title doesn't catch your attention, nothing else will! I should explain. After a long time of pining away after emotionally and physically unavailable men...I have finally broken my pattern and I love it. Even though I know the infamous book (and now, movie) "He's Just Not That Into You" evokes a lot of comments from our POF forum posters, I'm here to testify that there's a lot of truth in that one! Except for perhaps one chapter, I can put a name to just about every other chapter in the book: if he's disappeared on you; if he's married (and other insane versions of being unavailable); if he's not dating you; etc. Naturally, I felt terribly romantic -- longing after the men I could not have, and imagining that they felt the same and would be with me if only they could! Good Lord. So, what happened? For some reason, something just "snapped" in me at the end of last year and the beginning of this one. I got tired. Tired of waiting; tired of hoping, and tired of being alone because the unavailable guys simply were not there. I do believe that once we make decisions in our lives, something changes in our attitudes unconsciously. And, it did with me. Within the first couple of weeks of 2009, I started to meet you wonderful, available men. More precisely, I think I finally was not rejecting men because they didn't fit my Heathcliff/Rochester ideal. And...you guys are great! How incredible to meet men who like to be with you. So to all you other wonderful available men out there...don't give up. We women are there as well -- and just might be ready to change. I would love to hear other comments/thoughts along these lines. Good luck!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Is Dating in your 40’s more like the Spin the Bottle? Posted: 2/6/2009 6:21:48 PM
This is a really interesting thread to me, because I'm so different from many other women and their experiences. Truly, truly different. That's because I didn't date in high school (never was asked out...!) and even in college I dated, but not a heck of a lot! Then, when I reached my 20s I was so darned busy working and building a career -- trust me, throughout that decade and my 30s I wasn't that attractive, physically or otherwise. So, for me dating in my 40s has been wonderful. I am a classic late bloomer in every single way -- even physically. I truly didn't even have a good figure until I gained and then lost 20 pounds (weird, I know! But it did happen.) And, I finally got to the point where I had personal self-confidence and was able to think, "Well, I really don't care whether or not you are attracted! Plenty of fish, don't you know." And...it worked. Seriously.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

Falling in love at my age? Posted: 2/6/2009 6:09:17 PM
Hi there, kissme! Thanks for sharing your story, BTW. I do hope you both can meet soon...but as others have mentioned, be kind of careful, OK? I'm with my friend Ismene in believing that you really can't "fall in love" for sure with someone that you have not met in person. Infatuation? Sure. Building up expectations? Absolutely. So, keeping my fingers crossed for you (and BTW, I don't see you at all as an Internet Don Juan type. I see you instead as a very loving and trusting woman who has been through a lot emotionally with your husband's death.) Good luck and hugs your way.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Another Singles Awareness Day.... Feb 14th Posted: 2/5/2009 8:16:48 PM
Hey, OP! You are very young yet...wait until you reach MY age. Try to keep in mind if all possible that Valentine's Day is kind of an invented holiday. There was a St. Valentine according to tales and legends, but in our modern time period the day became a bit of a racket for selling cards and rather overpriced candy. So, feeling "bad" for being alone on Valentine's Day is pressure put upon us by advertisers. Do you know that up until now, I spent every Valentine's Day with either my folks or by myself? For some reason, this year I'm juggling a couple of guys (yes, I suddenly turned into a bit of a tramp...what can I say?) But, I really don't know what's going to happen on V-Day, and that's OK! All in all, it really is another day! Another way to think about it: Go do something for others -- college students away from home; senior citizens by themselves, animals without loving homes who are in animal shelters. There are many ways to show love.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 157 (view)

Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing? Posted: 2/3/2009 8:42:39 PM
^^^^^^ Oh, thank you! That's so sweet and I appreciate it. Honestly, I'm not taking the "chasing" part too literally. But, it just works out best if all of us are "out there" living our lives, doing what is best for others (friends and family), and not getting too hung up about finding THE one person. Life is far too short for that!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Very Old or Antique Kitchen Gadgets you still use or refuse to part with... Posted: 2/3/2009 8:21:45 PM
What a wonderful thread and so many great posts! Really highlights how much cooking and our memories are tied together. For me? My grandmother was a packrat and threw NOTHING away; remember that in the Depression, everything had some use! A few years before she died, my uncle and aunt helped her organize things and she gave them a lot of her kitchen items. In turn, they knew I love 30s-50s kitchenware and they passed many things on to me. So, I have my grandmother's flour sifter -- and do I remember using it when I was a child, "helping" Grandma make pie crust! I also have her roaster, rolling pin, some muffin and pie tins, and cookie sheets. Yep, I use it all and think fondly of her. The coolest item of all, though, is one we found after her funeral service. It's my mother's old Home Economics high school cookbook, "The Family's Food". Grandma hung on to it because it was a cookbook...and could be used! So, the book has not only my mom's written notes, but also my grandma's written added recipes. How neat is that?

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 154 (view)

Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing? Posted: 2/3/2009 8:07:01 PM
What seems to work is, make yourself valuable. By having a life first. Then really you will not be overly seeking someone, and then when you meet someone, they will see you as valuable, and pay you some respect. Yes, yes, yes. Go forth and lead an interesting life...and then if you meet someone, it will be the icing on the cake. I can testify to this one. A year ago, I was projecting neediness and desperation like crazy -- NOT attractive to anyone. I finally got smart, started to do things I liked, and figured that I really didn't care whether or not I ever dated again. Guess what? I am now dealing with more male attention that I ever did before! And, it's fun fun fun. But, the key difference here is that I'm not chasing anything, or anyone. I also don't particularly want anyone to chase me! The mutual attraction, and interest, are the best parts.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

When You Aren't Attracted to Someone Who Seems Perfect For You Posted: 2/1/2009 2:55:11 PM
Oh, gosh. I could be the OP for this thread, and I'm sort of glad to read others' responses. I feel guilty, but not quite as bad as before. I am facing this very same situation, and I don't know what to do. On the one hand...heaven knows I am not getting any younger, and maybe it is time for me to settle down after being a "bachelorette" for 46 years. On the other hand...this person with whom I have gone out on a few dates hasn't "rung any chimes" as yet. VERY nice, a gentleman, etc. -- but I am not feeling that spark (and I am afraid he is, with me.) I totally identify with wickedlovely, Speranza, and others. I also have a history of liking the unavailable men, and I would very much like to break that pattern. Good heavens. Do you think it's possible to have everything, all at once? In other words, the person who is single, available, rocks your world completely, and you rock his/her world? Give me some hope here, fellow POFers! (I am being slightly facetious, but mainly serious!) Should I continue to give it a chance? Try to be friends? Face the reality that I am a commitmentphobe, and probably a future crazy cat lady because I want it all?

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 117 (view)

Women Over 40... this is what Andy Rooney says... any comments? Posted: 2/1/2009 12:49:44 PM
Finally, they join the Red Hats and proclaim proudly to the world that romance is dead and they killed it and shoot down any woman who thinks differently. Oh, RanRan, I had to laugh at this statement and agree with it! I may be in a distinct minority here, but I HATE the Red Hat Society. God forbid I should ever get to the point where I am parading around in a red hat and purple clothes! I swear, put me out of my misery before that happens...I know it's fun for a lot of women and I sort of understand the appeal, but they do look rather foolish. At this rate, I think I've been far better off reaching my age and never getting married!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 84 (view)

Women Over 40... this is what Andy Rooney says... any comments? Posted: 1/31/2009 12:54:43 PM
Not this 46-year-old woman. I'm planning to watch the Super Bowl tomorrow here at home! I'm also getting ready in a few minutes to watch K-State men's basketball, and cursing the fact that I don't have satellite, so I can't currently watch the KU men's basketball game on ESPN-U. How's that for a stereotype?

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 74 (view)

Women Over 40... this is what Andy Rooney says... any comments? Posted: 1/30/2009 7:43:31 PM
Focusing upon the original commentary itself...I do like it, being a bit closer now to 47 all the time! However, I am absolutely convinced that for men and women both (regardless of age), attitude will make much more of a difference than anything else. True, one's 40s are a pretty good decade! I like it, anyway. I'm well enough established in my career that I don't have to take on additional professional obligations. I've got some money, although right now I would prefer not to look at my retirement annuity for fear of getting totally frightened! I've got a house I can afford, a car that is paid for, and most important: An attitude of confidence and fun. Also, not too bad a figure for 46. The oddest part? Once I got to this point (and trust me, it was very difficult), THAT was when I started to attract some men. Change the attitude, and you will change everything.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Am I still in high school??? Posted: 1/30/2009 7:31:06 PM
Landra and Sassy, you are both right on! Now, the online dating stuff could and probably does work for some...but I also changed my profile to reflect that I'm focusing upon real life. I also hid my profile, concentrating upon the forums. It is totally backwards in terms of online. IRL, you meet someone and you establish a bit of physical and intellectual attraction. Then, you both go from there and it may or may not work out, but you can both enjoy the time. So yeah, OP -- I hope you are reading your thread and I'm sorry for your experiences. Definitely try to get out and about, have fun, and something will "click". That's what I did, and it actually worked. (I have gone from famine to feast, and am now attracting the guys when I really wasn't before...but you know what changed? Nothing else but me, and my own attitude I was projecting! I have to say, things will indeed happen when you are busy living and having fun...)

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 51 (view)

Women Over 40... this is what Andy Rooney says... any comments? Posted: 1/29/2009 8:58:23 PM
Uhm, for the umpteenth time, it's a stupid urban legend that Mr. Rooney wrote that piece. And here is the link disproving this urban legend: http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/rooney2.asp It's a nice commentary and all that...but remember that on the Internet, no one knows you're a dog! (Attributing the source here to a GREAT New Yorker cartoon.)

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Tone down the normal things in your life when meeting someone new? Posted: 1/24/2009 4:37:00 PM
That's a really great question! Yeah, I would also be guilty of the coffee assortment...not the organic sugar, simply because I don't put that in my coffee! I see no reason to hide or pretend one's "normal things" don't exist when meeting someone new. I'm in that situation right now, in fact. The guy I have been out with a few times seems to get a kick out of my preferences -- such as decorating style, etc. I think the trick here is not to come across as pretentious, and always show one's sense of humor. I'm a firm believer that we can learn something from everyone else!

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 43 (view)

Are You Taking More Risks Now? Posted: 1/23/2009 7:16:34 PM
Glad to see this thread is still going! Taking more risks? Oh, yeah, definitely in terms of the emotional things. Also, I just got to a point a couple of years ago where I realized -- I had spent the majority of my life worrying about being "nice", uncontroversial, a good girl, and withholding my opinions because I didn't want to upset other people. I had a reputation then of being the upbeat, perky person who was never unhappy, never angry. Heck of a way to live, right? A huge shakeup in my life at that point really made me rethink everything. Did I truly want to continue pleasing others at my own expense? Nope. So, I got in gear, lost weight, grew my hair out again (I had allowed it to be cut pretty short -- looked horrible), and decided it was past time to take some emotional risks. Boy, I have and I don't regret a single thing! Fell madly in love with someone I could not have, but the risk was totally worth it because he made me believe once more I was attractive and worthy. At the advanced age of 44, I went from being a "good girl" to a REALLY good woman. Haven't looked back since, and don't plan to. I highly recommend the emotional risks! One never knows...

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 113 (view)

Ever been asked,Why aren't you married? Posted: 1/18/2009 8:11:23 AM
Ismene and Fifi, my gals!! Thumbs up to you both. Oh, I think the worst any of us can do is to be judgmental, or question others' choices whether they have never been married, or married and divorced. That is why I can get a bit annoyed when someone might wonder I haven't been married. Honestly? I really couldn't care less about why someone got married or divorced. None of my business. Now, here is the odd thing and one never knows when something might happen. In the last few weeks and completely unexpected, I wound up meeting a man who is close to my age, really nice, attractive to me...and also has never been married (and no children.) His reasons? The same as mine -- he's been busy with a career, and just hasn't met the person for marriage. Now, who knows what will happen? I'm just enjoying everything right now and not projecting into the future. My point, though, is that not everyone who has never been married is a confirmed bachelor, or crazy cat lady.

zeeba2

Joined: 11/21/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Middle Aged and Single Posted: 1/18/2009 7:15:15 AM
Hi, moonchild! I always like your posts, and I'm sorry this has happened to you. Sounds like you are on the right track on having a talk with this friend, and figure out what exactly is going on. You know, most of these other postings are true -- that single/divorced/widowed people can indeed NOT have that much in common with the paired-up folks. (Or to be more exact, we might be perceived as not having that much in common.) I felt that way for a long, long time. I have been really lucky to become part of a women's singing ensemble; we do contemporary Christian music as well as good old-fashioned gospel and have a blast! Interestingly, we are a combination of never-married (yours truly), divorced, married, and one who married again last year after a pretty bad divorce. We are great friends, and sometimes I have wondered why in the heck we have not had any jealousies or insecurities. Maybe it's because we have that singing and harmony (ho ho ho) in common. We definitely talk about guys, and I have enjoyed updating them upon the adventures of my dating life since I got back into it a few years ago. If women can just be supportive of one another...and transcend those jealousies.

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