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 Author Thread: Advice appreciated
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Advice appreciated
Posted: 11/23/2011 7:01:15 PM

I usually only feel that spark for the emotionally unavailable, alpha types. They drive me crazy.. when I'm in love with them I feel like I'm high .. it feel amazing for the short period of time it lasts.


OP, this part of your post really jumped out at me. Good for you, first of all, for recognizing you have this tendency to go for that immediate excitement. Take it from one who knows...that infatuation is indeed totally intoxicating. But, here's the thing. It doesn't last. It's not meant to last -- immediate sexual attraction is just that. (And, nothing wrong with the basic instinct!) IF you are the type of woman who can be OK with it and not have any other expectations of true love, go for it.

But, I sense in your post you are not that type of woman. (I wasn't either.) Now, there absolutely has to be an attraction between two people before anything else -- but really try not to confuse infatuation with "He loves me and he's gonna be with me forever." Not everyone will agree, but I build my faith and trust with a man upon 1 Corinthians 13: "[Love] always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." And, you will eventually meet someone who combines that physical attraction with the definition of love. When you do...it's incredible.

Good luck and good thoughts.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 43 (view)
 
Forum friends for the over 45 crowd?
Posted: 11/23/2011 6:46:14 PM
Oh, for sure you can make some excellent friends on these forums. I don't post nearly as much as I used to (and I need to get back into posting, to "pay it forward"). The reason is that when I first started posting a few years ago, I wasn't in a very good place emotionally. I was struggling with a lot of unresolved personal issues, and so many of you here -- you know who you are -- pulled me through to a level of personal confidence I never had before. Really, you all gave me the strength to be OK staying single -- and then, ironically, gave me the confidence to take a chance on a guy. So, I thank you!

Like so many others have already observed, these forums give you that opportunity to share laughs, experiences, VERY wise (and often entertaining!) advice, and just sort of "be there" for one another. Let's face it -- many of our IRL friends and family don't share our "singleness" and, very often, our ambivalence about our situations. The forums are, in a sense, safe places to chuckle over a date gone bad or howl at the unfair nature of life -- and then, go on. How wonderful to find like minds in cyberspace we would never know otherwise!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 365 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 11/1/2011 8:08:19 PM
I posted earlier in this thread about assumptions, and had to pop in again to see where the thread was leading. I completely understand where others are coming from in terms of someone divorced/widowed with kids having a totally different life experience from someone who has never been married, lived with a person, etc. Absolutely true, and I would never say I know what it's like to be a single parent. I don't, and don't pretend to.

Perhaps situations have a better chance of working out if the two individuals share common experiences? In my case, I never wanted to rule out divorced men with or without kids -- and I would not have done so still, had I not met my now-fiance. On the other hand, with my guy also never being married or living with someone, he and I did have that mutual experience. I suppose it did help; we've had some really interesting talks about other people failing to realize that when you are single, you are responsible for EVERYTHING. But, that 's the same experience of a divorced or widowed person, correct?

I dunno, PoF people. I'm still awfully hesitant to make an assumption that one cannot be happy or make a relationship work if the situations aren't the same. I'm more inclined to think anymore that there are some people who are really lucky, and meet their soulmates relatively early in life (and then stay married or in long-term relationships.) The rest of us? Well, we didn't get that lucky. Either we didn't meet "the one" in our 20s, or we married thinking it would work -- and it didn't, for whatever reason. Doesn't matter; we remain hopeful and optimistic, and live our lives in the meantime.

And hey! Look at my guy and me. We're having the time of our lives confounding and amazing everyone around us. He and I were supposed to be the always-single, always-agreeable, always-flexible persons who could work any schedule -- 'cause what else did we have going on? Now, the reactions of many are, "You're getting MARRIED? Huh? How did that happen?" Hilarious!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 347 (view)
 
Single (never married at all) men over 45
Posted: 10/18/2011 4:14:20 PM
Yay, abelian! Good on you.

Assumptions about never-married, divorced, widowed, and any other permutation -- are just that, assumptions. I've been careful throughout my life not to make snap judgments about one's marital status. (My exception is for those who are married, yet looking...well, you can probably guess my judgment for those individuals!)

In turn, I never wanted anyone to look at me and assume, "Oh, she's never been married. Obviously, an old maid man-hater with umpteen cats...or worse!" I do confess to the one spoiled cat. Hey, everybody's gotta have some weakness!

Longest relationship up to the point that I met my sweetie? Gulp. How about...six months? Does it count that the guys didn't want to be serious about relationships, and I did? How about the fact that during my 20s and 30s, I resided in rural communities in which no eligible, interested, single men lived?

See the problem with assumptions?

And, here's the real problem with them -- I met my sweetie three years ago; he's seven years younger and also never married, no kids; AND here we are, engaged! According to assumptions, we were both horrid risks for long-term relationships. Yet here we are, happily planning a wedding and merging lives, households, and several spoiled rotten pets together.

I don't get as angry as I used to about these issues (one of the benefits of growing older?) but I really do believe in speaking out when others rush to conclusions. Best advice from this zeeba: Do keep an open mind and while we should learn from our experiences, don't impose all the past upon the present.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
He betrayed and lied
Posted: 8/20/2011 1:48:08 PM
Um, classylady? I'm assuming this is the same guy from the Relationships forum back in 2010:

http://forums.plentyoffish.com/datingPosts14137460.aspx#14137460

So, what's going on?
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 26 (view)
 
Is my relationship with a married man inappropriate?
Posted: 12/15/2010 6:57:41 PM
Hi, OP. I don't doubt for one second that you have feelings for this man...and I also don't doubt that he developed feelings for you. Sounds like you both have shared quite a few intimate times (yes, beyond the physical intimacy). Oh, yes, that can happen very easily. Been there, done that, got the emotional scars to prove it.

See, the deal with married but unhappy people is that they often do know how to play upon the sympathies of single folk. How easy is it to be on one's best behavior to that single person, flirting and sharing deep emotions with no annoying daily problems of paying bills, dealing with the children, etc.? VERY easy indeed. And as a single person, even if you are the most morally correct person in the universe, you can be seduced if you are feeling rather lonely.

It also sounds as if you are looking for some advice on, perhaps, how to move on. Here's what worked for me. First and foremost, break off ALL contact. Delete any E-mails, texts, etc. Delete phone numbers. Block his phone number and E-mail address. (I realize that to some, I might sound like I'm advising covering up what you both have done. That's not my intention.) Get rid of any gifts from him. Erase any and every part of him from your life. The No Contact rule really does work.

And then -- do NOT by any means leap immediately into another relationship even with someone who is single or available. You will need time for introspection. Consider what might be lacking in your life that made you susceptible to this situation.

Finally, when you are ready, look around and take note of all those great single guys who are out there -- but maybe you didn't notice them because they did not offer that short-term emotional thrill and risk you had with the married man. Trust me on this one. I'm happy with my sweetie, and it's so incredible to know I have a wonderful single man on whom I can rely. It will happen for you.

Good luck.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Turning 50....does everyone experience a twinge?
Posted: 10/9/2010 8:22:03 AM
Hope those replies have helped you, Ms Jackpot! Good attitude on the approaching birthday.

For me? I'm so far off the "normal" scale of living! B/c of a variety of circumstances, I spent my 20s, 30s, and part of my 40s working, working, working and longing for a long-term relationship, but not really meeting anyone who wanted the same. Had a big career shakeup at the age of 44; decided that things needed to change; started a diet and lost 20 pounds; at 45, I went through the unexpected deaths of two family members; and then? I met my sweetie and am thoroughly enjoying the rest of my 40s! The best part about getting older is that if all goes well, you can work on continually improving the physical parts while benefiting from all that life experience (and hopefully, learning.)

So, 50 is looking quite promising these days (I am two years away from it, and all I can think of is -- wow! Thank the Good Lord I am done with those earlier decades...yuck! I would NEVER go back to them.)
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 78 (view)
 
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 10/8/2010 3:48:38 PM
dream01,

Sorry, but I am a bit confused by your reply. Are you talking specifically about never-married men, or about never-married people in general?

Whatever the gender, that's a dangerous assumption to make in terms of not wanting to get close to anyone, having a go at life, etc. You must also consider the reality that perhaps never-married people have wished to form sustaining long-term relationships, maybe culminating in marriage. Remember...it takes two to commit and to marry, and both must be willing. It is entirely possible that those in that category never met anyone who wished the same. That's absolutely my reality, anyway. I would very much have liked to form a long-term relationship in my 20s and my 30s, and I really wanted to be married. I simply didn't meet any men who wanted the same as me.

My sweetie came along when he was 39 years old and I was 46! His situation was exactly the same as mine; he most likely would have been married much sooner in life, but he also hadn't met any women who were interested in more than just the short-term.

We must never make assumptions about any marital status. While I'm not a fan of divorce, for instance, it would be wrong of me to judge anyone who has been divorced. I have no way of knowing what their situations were like that divorce was the outcome.

I don't mean to sound chiding, but having heard so many incorrect perceptions of myself over the years, I've learned not to prejudge.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Over 45 & never married...............
Posted: 9/25/2010 7:47:15 PM
OP, I think I remember you from another user name -- correct? If so, hello again!

I can certainly understand your frustration, and I am now 48 and never been married (not yet, anyway -- more in a second about that.) And yes, it's definitely different to be our ages and never been married, than it is for those who are divorced, widowed, or otherwise single again from LTRs.

And, I have felt the same as you -- many, many times. I've dated them all -- the emotionally unavailable; the ones who wait for a few dates before springing the news that they are married (but of course, their wives are so horrible!) In one instance, I was dumped via E-mail the day before we were going to have Thanksgiving with my parents. So, I was also very close to saying, "To heck with it. No good men are out there." I became incredibly fortunate close to two years ago when I met my sweetie...and what I am about to write is NOT meant as me telling you to do the same. I can only speak from my own experience.

My guy, who has also never been married, and I met in a really funny high school way (he was visiting his friend, who lives across the street from my parents, and he kept inventing "reasons" to stay outside, fix his Jeep, and hope that I would pop in to visit the parental units!) He worked up the nerve to call me after we exchanged a little bit of conversation (and he was SO nervous on the phone! I had to give him a chance.) We met for lunch, and I was thinking beforehand, "Oh, well. This is going to be another dud." Really good attitude on my part, right?

Well, we went out a few more times, and gradually realized -- we really liked each other! We have the same outlooks on life, and the same beliefs, which we feel are crucial to a successful relationship. And, he's very cute to go along with it!

Now, here's where I changed my own outlook on relationships and gave up some preconceived notions:
--He's younger than me, by 7 years.
--He is what many would consider, wrongly, a "blue-collar" profession. He is self-employed, and can figure complex mathematical formulas in his head faster than I can write them down!
--He doesn't have a college degree (he's an excellent example of a non-traditional student who sort of fell through the cracks), but he is incredibly well-read.
--AND...he loves to hunt and fish. Yes, he hunts deer, bobcats, you name it! (I'm a bleeding-heart animal lover; his trophies are displayed in his living room. We will have to find a house with a suitable mancave!)

Honestly? A few years ago, I would have been thinking, "Oh, no way. I'm not attracted to anyone like that!" I would have rejected him without any thought, based upon superficial differences. But, this is by FAR the best relationship I've ever had. I have no doubt of his love for me, his commitment to our relationship, and his long-term reliability. I feel the very same. And yes -- we are talking marriage. If he can tolerate an older, independent, liberal gal who comes with an equally independent cat, we've got it made.

Again, I can only speak from my own experience. I am so thankful I gave up some of my own prejudices, and looked beyond the surface. I'm susceptible to charming wastrels, but my sweetie has a charm that other women overlooked. Too bad for them (and lucky for me!)

So -- perhaps there is someone in your own proverbial back yard?

I do wish you all the best. Hope my story helps.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Menopause and The Aftermath of its Wake.
Posted: 9/11/2010 7:09:26 AM
I've really appreciated all the responses to this thread. I think I am right in the middle of that infamous perimenopause. Like other women who have posted, I used to be SO regular in my cycles. 28 days literally from one time to the next, which was incredibly handy for planning ahead! For example, I knew not to overschedule myself for meetings or potentially stressful situations right around the time I would be starting.

Now? I go between 23 and 31 days between cycles. I hate it. Oddly, no hot flashes as of yet. In fact, I'm almost the opposite; being under air conditioning literally chills me to the proverbial bone. I have to wrap up in sweaters or jackets when it's in the 90s outside, and I'm inside with air conditioning. At home, I happily turn up the thermostat so that the AC doesn't kick on. Have any other women on this thread gone through that symptom?

Luckily, I have an understanding sweetie! Communication is absolutely key if you are going through the "change" and in a relationship. The second I start feeling achy and griping, I say to him, "Hon, guess what...?" I also feel sorry for my mother, who underwent a total hysterectomy at my same age, 48. She always says, "I don't know what to tell you about menopause! I never went through it!"

I am SO looking forward to the end of these mood swings and irregular cycles. I am already researching natural hormone supplements to be prepared.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
No kids,never married, what kinda midlife crisis they go through?
Posted: 8/28/2010 1:00:00 PM
Oh, my! According to the OP, I am definitely one of "those people". I'm now at the ancient age of 48, never married, no children...no hope for me!

I had to be facetious. Really, it's foolish to stereotype any age, any marital status, and any production of offspring (or lack thereof.) I find it interesting to watch acquaintances of my generation who did get married in their 20s, have children, and now (if they are divorced) perhaps regretting their decisions in earlier years.

Look. We all have made choices that we might or might not regret as we grow older. Doesn't have anything to do with having been married, or not. Actually, my 40s have been one heck of a lot better in all ways than my 20s or 30s ever were! After re-evaluating some of my own less-than-stellar selections in men, I did the George Costanza process. You know -- remember the episode of Seinfeld in which George did exactly the opposite of his usual routine? For me, I allowed myself to get to know a guy who I would have rejected otherwise because he didn't fit every single one of my qualifications. Guess what? He became my sweetie and it's the best relationship I have ever had.

So, I guess I would say -- if you are feeling a mid-life crisis (single or married), use it as a welcomed learning process about yourself, your choices, and what you might wish to change.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Lonliest Single Seniors To Come.
Posted: 5/1/2010 8:04:56 PM
Wow. Well, I don't know if this makes a difference or not -- but can't resist adding the proverbial two cents' worth! I do have a guy now, and we are making our plans for retirement or beyond. However, he's never been married -- and nor have I. We also don't have any kids (unless you count one dog, one needy cat, and one UN-needy independent kitty!) He has a relatively small extended family. I'm an only child, with aging parental units and not as close an extended family as I would like. As a result, we are most likely going to be without too much family in the future.

So...here's the bottom line. I love my guy and am thankful every day we found each other. But if that hadn't happened, or for some reason, we broke up? I learned to be happy with "mine own self" a long time ago. You absolutely cannot depend exclusively upon others for your own happiness, or for long-term security. That's not intended to be harsh, or bitter. I am this way (and so's my sweetie; we have had tons of talks about this one) because I really didn't have any other choice -- and neither did he. Had we not met, we wouldn't have been thrilled about being alone...but it wouldn't have killed us.

Make your plans, but also be prepared to change them. And most important -- really be content with who you are, where you are in the universe, and enjoy the heck out of each and every day. With or without that special someone.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Pig Pickin Cake
Posted: 3/11/2010 2:38:41 PM
You're welcome, Rose! I thought I had seen the recipe in her cookbook (I'm amazed she didn't put BUTTAH in the cake...!)

Fxwd4, that sounds pretty awesome as well -- and easy in the summer if you use purchased angel food cake. Thank you!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Pig Pickin Cake
Posted: 3/11/2010 9:16:39 AM
Here's the recipe from Paula Deen (pg. 206 of The Lady and Sons, Too! Cookbook, published in 2000)

Pig Pickin' Cake

CAKE
1 box yellow cake mix
One 11-oz. can mandarin oranges, with juice
4 eggs
1/4 cup vegetable oil

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease and flour three 8-inch round pans. Mix together the cake mix, the oranges with their juice, eggs, and oil. Divide the batter among the prepared pans; layers will be thin. Bake for 15 to 20 minutes, or until the cake tests done. Cool the layers on wire racks.

FROSTING
One 16-oz. can crushed pineapple, drained
One 3.4 oz. package instant vanilla pudding mix
Two 8-oz containers Cool Whip, or 1 quart heavy cream, whipped and sweetened with 1 cup sugar

While the cake cools, make the frosting: Mix the drained pineapple with the pudding mix and fold this mixture into the Cool Whip. Fill and frost the cooled cake layers. Refrigerate until ready to serve.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
what happened....?
Posted: 2/22/2010 11:54:26 AM

I dated dead dad girl once.


Is it wrong that I laughed at that statement? Right on with the rest. I particularly like the "financial reasons" rationale for living with one's ex. Oh, come on now!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Food processor/mixer/blender question
Posted: 1/30/2010 3:09:39 PM
SS, thanks for the Bosch link! Oh, man, I am practically drooling at that closeout special for the built-in mixer. That looks so cool.

Hibiscus, a great question. I'd also probably go with a smaller food chopper unless you are going to use something like that frequently. I bought a rebuilt Kitchenaid mixer from Amazon about eight years ago, and am thrilled with it. Haven't yet gotten all the fun accessories, but I may one of these days. I love making bread and I needed the extra power of the stand mixer plus a dough hook. In fact, I have bread dough in its first rise right now, and am planning to add a "swirl" of mixed harvest grains. Never particularly wanted a bread machine, but I'd love to hear from people who have and like them.

I do have a blender, but honestly, I hardly ever use it. I have a small crank-handle nut grinder, and a coffee mill I just use for whole spices. Neither one takes up much space.

So, it really depends upon the type of cooking/processing you are most likely to do more often. The flip side, of course, is that you will want to do more with better appliances! Have fun considering, and deciding.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Toll House Cookies - butter? crisco? half and half? margarine?
Posted: 1/10/2010 9:34:28 AM
Hope this link works!

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/07/09/dining/09chip.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

It's an interesting story about the differences in chilling the dough for 12, 24, or up to 36 hours. I've tried it, and chilling the dough for even one day does make for a better-tasting chocolate chip cookie. I also use butter -- nothing like it for baking.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 46 (view)
 
Asking-a-guy, about Dating over 45, & holiday expectations
Posted: 11/28/2009 1:44:32 PM
I'm like kmxplore51. I want to know more! I agree, though, that we aren't too likely to have any more explanations. So...on to another mystery forum post!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
A Healthy, Low Calorie, Guilt-Free Thanksgiving...
Posted: 11/4/2009 5:46:25 PM
MichelleRenee,

Are you planning any desserts? When I was a child, I adored pumpkin pie filling but detested the crust. So, my long-suffering mother would bake part of the filling in a small greased pie plate. I still like that version, and that way you don't have additional calories with the crust. And, you can still make the regular filling with evaporated milk; fewer calories than light cream.

I haven't tried this recipe, but thought it sounded interesting. Hope it's what you are looking for.

Lite 'n Easy Crustless Pumpkin Pie
http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/detail.aspx?ID=28790
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Chocolate frosting, how do you make it.
Posted: 10/4/2009 4:32:50 PM
The cream cheese one sounds wonderful!

I made a 9" by 13" pan of brownies today -- used this recipe from Nestles.com, but I didn't add the other 6 oz. of chocolate chips to the brownie recipe! I also had some leftover cooled strong brewed coffee. I added about 2 tablespoons to the brownie recipe.

http://www.verybestbaking.com/recipes/detail.aspx?ID=28489

Instead, I used the remaining 6 oz. with this recipe:

6 oz. chocolate chips
4 T. butter
1 T. cooled brewed coffee
--melt together in a heavy-duty saucepan on top of the stove.
--Add:
2 cups sifted powdered sugar
1 T. vanilla
--Mix together and then add milk VERY gradually, just enough to make a glossy smooth frosting.
--Add coarsely chopped pecans, or walnuts, and spread on top of cooled brownies.

Very good!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 195 (view)
 
Women who have more education than the man whom they are dating
Posted: 10/3/2009 3:40:54 PM
Hi back, Ismene! I always enjoy your responses.

And for all of you returning to college...I give you so much respect and recognition! This economy in the U.S. has done one good thing (if I can say that...) -- it has forced us to rethink priorities, both personal and professional.

So many people have summed up this question far better than I. A degree, in and of itself, is a great achievement. For a relationship's success, though, the partners must be in "sync" about many aspects other than debating about the proverbial angels dancing on that equally proverbial pin.

As noted, my guy has taken college courses but did not complete a degree. And, I'm going to make a confession here (read: embarrassment!) When he first called me, I wasn't sure he and I would have much in common (!) But, as we chatted a few more times on the phone, I realized that he was truly a good, good guy. (I had met him briefly and thought he was cute, BTW!) When we went on our first date over lunch? We talked for about 2 hours! I'm very glad I slowed down, listened, and paid attention -- and yep, he IS cute to boot!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 56 (view)
 
Women who have more education than the man whom they are dating
Posted: 9/27/2009 7:21:42 PM
I haven't been posting much lately in the forums, but this thread caught my eye for a variety of reasons. Ron, I like your definition that there are two questions going on here. If you look at just degrees, then yes...I'd qualify as having more college degrees than my sweetie. (I have a bachelor and two masters, and he has taken college classes but did not finish.)

But, in terms of intelligence? My goodness. He and I wound up being a great balance. I am much more from a humanities background, while he is a whiz in mathematics, physics, and geometry! So, it's a nice match; I can describe novels and films I think he would like, while he can figure up the square footage of a room faster than I could ever calculate. More to the point, we are in agreement about basic life values and beliefs.

Sometimes I wonder, too, if the following factor makes a difference. He is seven years younger than I -- while I don't wish to generalize, I do think in our case he is less "threatened" by my degrees than perhaps older men would be. That's been my experience, anyway. He seems to get a kick out of what I do for a living and is proud of me, rather than feeling intimidated -- and I love hearing about his daily work.

A good thread and discussion!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 142 (view)
 
Okay, is turning 45 the worst or what?
Posted: 9/24/2009 8:22:16 PM
My goodness. Gem (AKA the OP) posted this thread three years ago about turning 45...since the OP is no longer with us, I wonder how he/she is doing these days!

Original question? For whatever reason, 45 didn't bother me...but boy, 46 really did. I think it was because of many issues at that time. Then, lots of things changed. The month I turned 46 (August 2008), my aunt died suddenly of a brain aneurysm and we learned at the same time that my grandmother was dying of cancer. Last September and October are total blurs of going back and forth, being ready to hear bad news at a moment's notice, and so on. Grandma died in early October, so it will soon be one year.

In the ensuing months, I did tons of reflection and meditation. Among other matters, I realized that my biological family was shrinking -- and I needed to reorient my priorities ASAP. Guess what happened? When I did and opened up emotionally, in walked my younger sweetie. I feel quite confident that, had we met in early 2008, I would have rejected him.

My 47th birthday couldn't have been more different, or more wonderful. So...don't ever let age in and of itself get you down. If you have your physical and emotional health, just really be thankful.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
What exactly do I have with this Man?
Posted: 7/23/2009 4:01:07 PM
cnn1,

If things are working so far for you both, and if you are indeed OK with not having an "ideal", then none of us really have the right to tell you what is and isn't workable for you. You are the only one who knows how you truly feel. Returning to your original question, though, it seems like you are indeed wondering if this is a "relationship". And I can certainly understand why you might be posing such a question.

You ask "how many of you have your ideal??" I finally do with a terrific guy, at my really advanced age of almost 47 (!) But I have to tell you...it happened to me only when I let go of my expectations. I admitted that go-nowhere situations WERE honestly going nowhere. And it was the oddest thing -- almost as soon as I acknowledged I deserved more in a relationship, I received it. I am very thankful, every day. I wound up with a wonderful man who loves and supports me emotionally -- and is geographically and otherwise available 24/7 in every way.

If this man is emotionally supportive, that's great. However...what do you truly, truly want? You have a lovely profile, and personally I believe that you (and we all) deserve our "ideal". I send you good thoughts, and I wish you all the best whatever you decide.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Neiman-Marcus Cookies
Posted: 7/16/2009 11:10:45 AM
Oh, yes, definitely an oldie but goodie hoax. And, the "roots" are way, way back in an even older hoax concerning the Waldorf-Astoria Red Velvet Cake, and before THAT, a $25.00 Fudge Cake! As noted earlier, this information is from Snopes at http://www.snopes.com/business/consumer/cookie.asp

And also linked from the Snopes site is the refutation from Neiman-Marcus, along with a free recipe:
http://www.neimanmarcus.com/store/service/nm_cookie_recipe.jhtml
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Cold Veggie Pizza
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:47:10 AM
I love making this recipe, too. To cut down a bit on fat, etc., I have made it with lower-fat crescent roll dough, light sour cream and light cream cheese mixed together with the ranch dressing mix or dip mix, and finally a low-fat shredded cheddar cheese sprinkled on top.

Hmmm! I believe it is time for a trip to the grocery store!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Banoffie Pie ..or tart .. or whatever it is
Posted: 7/6/2009 8:35:53 PM
As neo137 noted, that might be part of the difference in the crust. I love Google for the fact that you can get an international scope on food! Apparently, another recipe used to appear on Nestle's Carnation Condensed Milk cans (over here in the US of A, we tend to think instead of "Eagle Brand" sweetened condensed milk!) Anyway, here's an interesting blog link about the Nestle recipe and it refers to digestive biscuits and butter for the crust. Also, a different way of cooking the caramel base.

http://queenofpots.blogspot.com/2008/12/nestle-banoffee-pie.html
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Is inexperience likely to put you off a man?
Posted: 7/4/2009 5:41:21 AM
Astrophil,

I remember some of your earlier threads, and I had looked at your profile a while ago when you were asking for similar feedback. I have some mixed feelings about your question...so forgive me in advance if I sound more critical than I mean to be.

I was in your proverbial shoes a few years ago -- never married, no kids, no real long-lasting serious relationships. So, yes, I can certainly understand why such a situation might be a red flag to either gender. Some of your experiences are beyond your control; in my case, I was not exactly putting myself in social situations where I might be likely to meet more people. I was also allowing my work to be a substitute for pretty much everything, and investing much more emotion in work than was necessary or healthy for me.

Here's what I did -- take my advice FWIW (!) Contributing to the POF forums over the past 1 1/2 years really helped me understand much, much more about the opposite sex -- seriously! I read, responded, and took into consideration all the great (and even not so great) discussions about dating, relationships, etc. In the process, I forced myself to reconsider what I truly wanted out of life in general -- not just a relationship, but my long-term overall goals personally.

I wound up gaining some insights about my behavior that were difficult to admit at first -- but it worked. After some attitude readjustments, I met someone in early January who (and I hate to say this, but it's true) I would have dismissed had I not been re-examining my life. As it turned out, he is also a never-been-married guy with no kids! But as good luck would have it, he had been doing the same thinking about his life. We "clicked" in every way -- physically, emotionally, and with the same basic philosophies. So you see, if it happened for me, it will definitely happen for you.

So for you? Don't get too hung up on your current situation -- but do take some time to think about the way you might be coming across to women. I'd also encourage you to consider women who at first glance, might not exactly be the "type" you think of. Now, I don't mean at all that you should try to like someone despite NO attraction whatsoever! In my case, though, I used to believe that a couple had to like exactly the same things -- or else there was no future. I have learned since that the same basic outlooks upon life are much more important than sharing every single interest. (So, that means my sweetie is thrilled about a marathon this weekend of "The Deadliest Catch" -- and I shall spend part of that time reading and occasionally saying, "Oh, yes, hon. Watching those crabs be caught over and over and over is really exciting!")

Good luck to you!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 60 (view)
 
Conflicting interests
Posted: 7/1/2009 8:53:42 PM
I like the way you phrased it, kpooks, on "arriving at the same level of passion and intelligence in conversations that you can share." Way, way back in my dark ages, I used to think a man and I had to share exactly the same interests; otherwise, how in the world would we have anything in common? Boy, did I learn some lessons -- the difficult way!

I now realize that it's more important to share the same general outlook upon life in general, and have similar goals. But the same interests (if we are defining interests by hobbies, cultural tastes, and the like)? Not necessarily! I never thought, for instance, that I'd be dating someone who likes Metallica and AC/DC, enjoys hunting and fishing, and is glued to The Deadliest Catch on Discovery! (I think he has a man-crush on Sig...)

Of course, I'm sure he never thought he would be dating a gal who can't miss The Bold and the Beautiful (love love love that show), and is hopelessly addicted to the Michael Jackson coverage! We certainly never, ever have boring conversations, that's for sure! But, that's the sheer fun of our relationship. We agree on the many other things that make up a commitment -- and that is great!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 70 (view)
 
Hassle free dating
Posted: 6/29/2009 3:00:58 PM

More than anything, I just wonder why people date, when it's not positive and fun, easy going and natural?


I also wonder if some men and women are sort of "addicted" to volatile roller-coaster relationships. I know a couple of women who are this way, and I'd venture to guess some guys are as well. You all know the type: Agonizing over every supposed hidden meanings in conversations; fighting all the time with no sense of resolution, but still staying together; dramatically recounting every clash; etc. No, thanks.

I can say this with certainty because I used to be that way. While I wasn't as extreme as some, I thought (wrongly) that a relationship had to be difficult for it to have meaning -- the proverbial star-crossed lovers (!) Ironically or not, when I finally let go of that confused notion -- that's when I was emotionally ready to become involved with the man I'm currently seeing. And in many ways, I believe he had gone through the same realizations. More than anything else, we just have a lot of fun together -- and isn't that one of the points of a relationship? Absolutely!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
He's Just Not that Into You Question
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:58:38 PM
Haven't seen the movie, but I did read (and yeah, bought) the book when it was first published. Much of it is of course common sense for both genders, but I do recommend the book. It still took me a few more years (insert red face here) for the message to get through this zeeba's rather thick head, but the bottom line is absolutely spot on. If the man OR woman isn't into you, there isn't a darned thing you as the other person can do about it. Don't take anything personally; move on; love and respect yourself before you can possibly expect another to do the same.

Good luck to all!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 188 (view)
 
Pro-Life vs. Pro-Choice in Dating *scary music swells*
Posted: 6/22/2009 8:44:14 PM

Can you date a pro-life advocate if you are pro-choice, and vice versa?

Yes.

Is there a way to find a happy medium with them?

Absolutely (so far, anyway!)

Good question, OP. That's precisely the situation I have right now with my s.o. I'm pro-choice, and always have been. He is pro-life, partially (I think) because he was brought up Catholic -- although he isn't currently practicing it.

So, how do we get along? Very well. Maybe because we got together relatively late in life (this is still my younger sweetie at the age of 40, and me getting ready to turn 47 in August!) We also have differing views on some political issues; he is definitely more conservative than I am, for example. But at the same time, we really enjoy some lively discussions...and most important, neither one of us ever, ever belittles the other for each viewpoint. That, I believe, is the key to making those "differences" work.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Banofie Pie ..or tart .. or whatever it is
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:06:17 PM
Try this one, from the person who invented it (according to his website):

http://www.iandowding.co.uk/recipes/downloads/downloads.html (click on the PDF link)

I particularly like the suggestion for cooking the cans of the sweetened condensed milk, covered with boiling water, in a covered pot in the oven. Don't know if I will try it, though! We are fortunate in my area to be able to buy the Nestle La Lechera dulce de leche in cans, so I must do this pie using the product. Will report back!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
What motivates you to look for a relationship?
Posted: 3/31/2009 4:20:57 PM
A very good question and a great statement, mrimprovement:


The only motivation to meed someone in the real world comes from both parties having an honest interest in each other, and an honest desire to be with someone in real life.


My primary motivation started over two years ago with a professional shakeup in my job; not huge, but enough to make me realize that for far too long I had invested too much time in my career. And on the flip side, not nearly enough time in a satisfactory personal life.

So after "bouncing back" professionally and getting in shape physically, I spent even more time (lots of it here on these threads, as long-term POFers will know!) really working on getting over tons of emotional hurdles. I realized along the way...I did want a relationship. And I wanted it to be with someone who was as "into" me in every way as I would be to him, and most important -- a man who was free in all senses to do so. Otherwise, I would be fine staying alone (NOT lonely, though.)

So, was I ready? Yes, finally...and a small confession that I had to let go first of that great desire for men who were unavailable. Once I did that, in the most wonderful and unexpected way possible I did meet a man IRL. The physical and the emotional both are absolutely terrific... But, we both were ready at the same time. Like me, he was also more content being single and alone than settle for an unsatisfactory relationship.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 196 (view)
 
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/30/2009 8:39:18 PM
Poor Sodturner (the OP)! I'll bet he didn't know what a wild thread this would turn out to be.

Like Fifi, I attempted to return to the original question ABOUT questioning a man over 50 who has never been married. Oh, my.

Really, it does come down to a variety of internal and external factors...none of which can be generalized to "all never-married men" or "all never-married women". Good heavens, look at me! I'm an infamous never-married woman currently involved with an equally infamous never-married man. And to boot, he is younger than me! No way could I ever have thought, or guessed, that this would happen to me at 46.

But, guess what? Not only is it working for both of us, we have also been discussing that concept of....marriage (!) For us, we both had to be ready at the right time. No way was either of us terrified of commitment in our previous relationships. Rather, they just simply weren't meant to work out.

So, everyone, let's really be careful not to rush to judgments about any situation.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Kraft Dinner has an expiry date? LOL
Posted: 3/28/2009 12:12:18 PM
You know, when I was a kid my family must have eaten tons of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese (AKA Kraft Dinner, which I think is such an interesting brand name for this mix in Canada! That's why I like this forum so much.) My mother fixed it at least once a week, usually as a side dish with hamburger patties and a canned veggie. Ah, the good/bad old eating habits of the late 1960s....

Apologies to those who still like the stuff, but I can't stand it now! If I have a mac and cheese craving, I really do make it from scratch. I like both the more traditional method of making a cheese sauce, as well as a Southern version of using grated cheese, milk, and one or two eggs to hold everything together when you bake it. (Now don't laugh -- that version is good!)
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Apple Crisp recipe...
Posted: 3/11/2009 7:44:59 PM
Oooh, this is sounding good right now. My recipe is a lot like Dovelett's, and sometimes I add a dash of nutmeg to the oatmeal mixture. I also bake mine in the oven, but should give the slow cooker a try.

Something I discovered that does make a difference: After you peel, core, and slice the apples, melt some butter in a skillet and saute the apple slices with a bit of white sugar added. No specific time because it depends upon the type of apple; some give off more moisture than others. Don't cook them completely, but do let the syrup develop (and you can add some of the cinnamon or other spices here as well.) Also, try a mixture of tart and sweet apples (such as Granny Smith and Delicious apples); a nice contrast.

Then, place the apples and syrup in a greased baking dish and continue with the oatmeal mixture on top, and bake. Honestly, that little bit of extra time to cook the apples slightly really does make a difference!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 92 (view)
 
Women question a man over 50 and not been married?
Posted: 3/11/2009 5:22:53 PM
Well, since I am like other gals on this thread and also have never been married...I don't feel that I'm in the best position to judge or point fingers! It really is an individual thing rather than a wholesale, sweeping generalization. Sort of like if I said, "Well, all those divorced people! What is wrong with them? Totally damaged, for sure!"

I will say, though, that people who have not been married often DO come at life with different points of view. (See, I can say that about myself, hee hee hee!) In my current relationship, my guy also has never been married. That's been really interesting for both of us! Neither of us has any children as well...and no pressing desire to do so. I wouldn't say that either of us is more cynical or less cynical -- but the way we look at life is different from when I have dated divorced men.

And trust me, it's also not better or worse to be never married, or divorced. It's just that you don't usually share the same experiences. Although I have had bad breakups, I'd never even dare to compare them to the experience of going through a divorce.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
how do u know if he's not a predator?
Posted: 3/10/2009 8:26:57 PM
Oh, that's easy. As Kathy Griffin says, she's addicted to the show "To Catch a Predator"...and the best sign is that predators LOVE iced tea!

It's true! Just watch sometime. The underaged decoy is walking around carrying a basket of laundry as the would-be predator walks into the kitchen with the obligatory granite-top counter. He's starting to get nervous until she calls out, "I made some iced tea! Want some?" Then, he's like, "Oh, yeah, baby! Iced tea! Sounds good!"

(And then, here comes Chris Hanson...) So, offer the guy some iced tea and see what happens!

Sorry, but I really could not resist this one...
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 183 (view)
 
Woman won't tell me her last name
Posted: 3/9/2009 1:06:11 PM
Like others on this thread, it would be a bit interesting if the OP did come back with more information...but that may not happen (Hey! You scared him away!)

So, I'm going to answer this one from another perspective brought out by several posters. I do want to know a first name and last name of the man I'm going out with for the first time. Same goes for me -- so far, I've never had any hesitation about giving my first name and last name. The reason? Hopefully, I've been smart enough to do the appropriate screening in the first place that we'd both be comfortable with that information.

If someone isn't revealing his/her last name, could be because of a lot of things. Trust me on this one, though: If the person is married, he/she can hide that information in a LOT of ways other than not revealing a last name! The key is to ask questions in the right manner, and pay attention to instinct and "red flags."

When I met my current guy, he already knew my full name -- mainly because of his friend who thought we might make a good match! And when he called me the first time, he gave me his full name right off the bat. We talked a few times on the phone, met for lunch, and things worked out after that...but again, it wasn't as if I was saying, "Oooh! A guy called me! Instant connection!" We got to know each other pretty well, so the "name" issue wasn't a concern.

(Actually, I did have one name concern...my first name to family and others who have known me for a long time is a nickname that I don't really like! So when I met my guy, he wound up calling me by this particular nickname -- simply because that's how his friend had known me. I didn't want to be rude right away, but I gently started signing off on phone calls and E-mails with my preferred name! It didn't take too long before he asked me, "You don't really like your old nickname, do you?" I had to laugh and told him tactfully that I DID prefer the full version of my first name! He caught on...I think he might be a keeper!)
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 394 (view)
 
Dating a Smoker
Posted: 3/8/2009 8:34:30 PM
Wow! Definitely a polarizing topic, and I actually have sympathies for both sides of the issue.

I am a non-smoker -- never have tried any in my life, and no plans to do so. However, I grew up in a family where my father still smokes one cigar a day (always outside, and just after dinner -- his way of relaxing, I think.) Dad switched to that before I was born, quitting a pretty bad cigarette habit from his own account. I also grew up around uncles and aunts who smoked cigarettes; it was the 1960s and early 1970s, when that was more accepted than now!

So, although my personal preference is not to smoke, I do have sympathy for those who do and say that nicotine really is a difficult addiction to break. I would definitely prefer to date non-smokers as well.

However, never say never. My current sweetie was still smoking a few cigarettes when we met (never around me, but I could tell!) I never said a word, but not long after we met he volunteered that he was giving up smoking for health reasons. He's wearing the nicotine patch and it seems to be working so far! When he told me he was quitting, I used the positive reinforcement technique...in all seriousness, I said that it was a wonderful idea and it would pay off in the long run for better health and longevity. So, we'll see what happens! Again, from all accounts it sounds like nicotine is one of the hardest habits to break.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Worse than a no-show- a sneak
Posted: 2/23/2009 6:40:14 AM

umm... not to state the obvious but... why would you want to meet someone like that then? Why are you so surprised if you know so many of his unsavory character flaws? Seems he behaved exactly as someone of his ilk would.


I'm also sorry for your experience, OP, but I agree with landra. In fact, your statement caught my attention right off the bat. Not that I am an expert...but it doesn't make much difference whether you make contact with someone through online venues or IRL. If the other person is coming off as rather arrogant/bragging, why indeed would we want to meet him/her in the first place?

When you are wanting to expand your horizons, it's very easy to ignore those little clues and signs. Again, I'm sorry for that experience...and as others have noted, chalk it up as a good lesson.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Why mostly younger men?
Posted: 2/14/2009 3:55:58 AM
I have to say that this is a really interesting thread.

I'm pretty skeptical of a huge age difference for dating or a relationship, whether you are talking about the man being older, or the woman. I think the problem there is that you both are just not coming from the same culture, similar life experiences, and so forth. For example, I'm one of those who actually remembers life before the Internet! (I really like to tease one of my much younger friends by saying things like, "Well, gosh. We used to pick up the receiver of the landline phone, wired into the wall, and have to stay in the same place to talk! And even worse...we also used to talk to other people in person! Isn't that incredible?")

However, I don't think it's too bad if there is a difference of a few years, either way. The guy I am currently dating is younger than me -- by six years. He has led a very independent and self-sufficient life, though, and that maturity factor really does make us a closer "match" than one might think. And although he is younger, he also remembers life before technology! (Honestly, I think THAT is the dividing line these days -- BI and AI -- Before Internet and After Internet!)

Really, it just depends upon where you both are in terms of that maturity, and outlooks on life. Before my current sweetie, the last guy I dated was seven years older than me...but again, we had pretty much the same life experiences and that was nice.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 206 (view)
 
Anyone else out there in love with someone they can't have?
Posted: 2/13/2009 4:12:10 PM
I did notice that the OP updated his story in 2008; at that time, the woman was getting closer to a divorce but nothing had happened at that point. I'd love to know another update.

My advice? Don't waste your time or life pining away for someone you can't have. Move on, and if it's meant to happen it will indeed work out. Actually, I'd move on in every single way and not even "attempt" to be friends. If you are the one in love with the person you can't have, it's just going to hurt you too much and you will never open your heart and soul to a really great, available person. (I'm speaking from much personal experience here!)
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men...
Posted: 2/11/2009 7:30:26 PM

Become available already dammit!


Oh, Lizachka, I love it! Lord only knows how many times I have thought that...and look what it got me. Exactly nothing, but a long series of lonely holidays and coming up with tragically romantic thoughts. Well, guess what? It's much more fun to be with someone who wants to be with you.

And, I'm really glad that you other guys appreciate this one. My one regret is that I didn't learn my lessons sooner...but the proverbial "better late than never" certainly applies here. I also don't mean to generalize just to women; I am sure that some men are also "hung up" on women who play games but have no intention of settling down. I'm just speaking from my own experience, and what I have seen from some other women.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 407 (view)
 
Is red hot romance possible after 50?
Posted: 2/11/2009 7:20:56 PM
Going way, way back to the original question posed in 2007:

Yes, it's entirely possible. And it's definitely possible even if the two people in question have never been married. It happened to me, pretty much unexpected both to me and to the man. Neither one of us has ever been married...and weren't exactly looking around when "it" happened.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
plenty of good guys
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:19:09 PM
Steve,

I think I understand what you are saying. There are indeed a lot of good men and good women out there. But, there is more to it.

My current sweetie is an example. He will say to me teasingly that he really does NOT want to be called a "nice guy"! And, I understand what he means by that. But truly? He's as good as gold, reliable, stable, and also really cute. And, I wouldn't hesitate to say to him in return, "Please do NOT refer to me as a good woman!" Obviously, everyone wants someone who has good quality traits. But, you gotta mix it up a bit with some physical attraction, chemistry, etc. It's also not good at all for either one to be totally available, all the time, willing to do everything. I love the fact that he has his own independent life, and that he seems to get a kick out of my own.

Hope that helps.
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men...
Posted: 2/11/2009 6:02:44 PM
Nope, not anything to drink...but I'm still raising a virtual toast. And many thanks, David! (Mee-yow back, yourself BTW...!)

It is very interesting how many of us wind up being far more "content" waiting for something that really isn't going to happen -- rather than recognizing what is right there in front of us. I truly wish the same for everyone on here. It's a heck of a lot more fun to be with someone who wants to be with you...this pining away romantically is for the birds!

ETA: Smiles, I'm thrilled for you as well. Good going!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 1 (view)
 
A toast to all you wonderful, single, available men...
Posted: 2/11/2009 4:19:07 PM
And if THAT thread title doesn't catch your attention, nothing else will!

I should explain. After a long time of pining away after emotionally and physically unavailable men...I have finally broken my pattern and I love it.

Even though I know the infamous book (and now, movie) "He's Just Not That Into You" evokes a lot of comments from our POF forum posters, I'm here to testify that there's a lot of truth in that one! Except for perhaps one chapter, I can put a name to just about every other chapter in the book: if he's disappeared on you; if he's married (and other insane versions of being unavailable); if he's not dating you; etc. Naturally, I felt terribly romantic -- longing after the men I could not have, and imagining that they felt the same and would be with me if only they could! Good Lord.

So, what happened? For some reason, something just "snapped" in me at the end of last year and the beginning of this one. I got tired. Tired of waiting; tired of hoping, and tired of being alone because the unavailable guys simply were not there.

I do believe that once we make decisions in our lives, something changes in our attitudes unconsciously. And, it did with me. Within the first couple of weeks of 2009, I started to meet you wonderful, available men. More precisely, I think I finally was not rejecting men because they didn't fit my Heathcliff/Rochester ideal.

And...you guys are great! How incredible to meet men who like to be with you.

So to all you other wonderful available men out there...don't give up. We women are there as well -- and just might be ready to change. I would love to hear other comments/thoughts along these lines. Good luck!
 zeeba2
Joined: 11/21/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Is Dating in your 40’s more like the Spin the Bottle?
Posted: 2/6/2009 6:21:48 PM
This is a really interesting thread to me, because I'm so different from many other women and their experiences. Truly, truly different. That's because I didn't date in high school (never was asked out...!) and even in college I dated, but not a heck of a lot! Then, when I reached my 20s I was so darned busy working and building a career -- trust me, throughout that decade and my 30s I wasn't that attractive, physically or otherwise.

So, for me dating in my 40s has been wonderful. I am a classic late bloomer in every single way -- even physically. I truly didn't even have a good figure until I gained and then lost 20 pounds (weird, I know! But it did happen.) And, I finally got to the point where I had personal self-confidence and was able to think, "Well, I really don't care whether or not you are attracted! Plenty of fish, don't you know." And...it worked. Seriously.
 
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