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Thread: Serious question
Posted: 3/30/2009 10:24:44 AM
This has greater implications than you might imagine.
You have only hearsay to work with. You often hear the abuser say things like "you made me do it". In effect they're placing themselves in the position of the victim.
My ex constantly painted herself as the victim. All the things she did to me were because she felt I had deserved it. I made her do it.
We had gone to marriage counselling many years prior. The counsellor told us we each needed individual counselling before marriage counselling could have any benefit. I went to counselling, she didn't.
As time passed she commented that she could see improvement in me as a result of counselling but at the same time her tantrums and such continued unabated. If I was doing things better then why did the punishment continue?
My counselling reached a point where there was nothing left to work on but I still wasn't happy. My counsellor did a couple of sessions with the ex. He was not treating her but rather getting a different view of the relationship. Somehow he got her to take the DSM IV. Turns out that she was a Hystrionic Narcissist.
There isn't enough room here to explain what that means in full but basically she believed that the world revolved around her and that everyone was supposed to worship her. If we didn't then we were being abusive and she was within her rights to retaliate as she saw fit.
Beware the victim, true victims are ashamed of their victimization and want to leave it behind them. Abusers declare their victimhood so that all will understand the righteousness of their retaliation.
Why So Long????
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:35:41 PM
But how can we we be really into a woman that we've never met?
That phrase "he'll do whatever it takes" is as sexist as "if she's into me she'll jump into bed with me".
I dated the wrong one for almost a year before I married her. Somehow twenty emails is going to do better than face to face?
Too much emailing is technology's way of saying "you're not ready to be in a relationship". There's no sure thing in this world. Even less so when the opposite sex is concerned.
Why So Long????
Posted: 1/20/2009 7:28:22 PM
There's two sides to every story (otherwise none of us would be available now lol).
One person thinks the other is pushy, the other might think the other is playing games.
Please review my profile
Posted: 12/31/2008 1:47:18 PM
Pictures are fine, grammar's good.
What really strikes me is what you're trying to say when you detail how long you were with your husband.
30 years (24 married and 6 dating) leads too much room for interpretation. Maybe you're clingy. Maybe you're loyal. Maybe you're inexperienced. Maybe you're too experienced.
If you want to suggest you're loyal then come out and say it. If you're inexperienced and want someone who will respect a slow start then say so.
My first thought was 'okay we're going to here a lot of stories that start "My husband and I...."' from this one. But that's my own special version of being jaded. You don't know your reader's experiences so it's not safe to assume they'll interpret things the same way you do.
You seem like a really nice person, spell out how you're nice...
Also remember that whether we like it or not it's all about marketing. A picture of you out with your friends wearing your favorite little black dress will go a long way.
Good luck with your 'fishing'!
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