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Thread: Is honesty really the best policy?

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Is honesty really the best policy? Posted: 8/2/2009 4:54:57 PM
Is it the best policy? Yes, but that does not mean you need to volunteer information. If your asked a direct question, give a direct and honest answer, but most people cant handle unsolicited 'facts.'

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

2 strikes and you're out? Posted: 8/2/2009 9:43:29 AM
If you think you might like him, give him one more chance. It wont cost you anything, just keep your expectations down, you might be pleasantly suprised. Id make it convienent for you however, make him jump through a few hoops for putting you out two times. If he is sincere, he will understand this and go a bit more out of his way.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

being blown off Posted: 8/2/2009 9:38:42 AM
If I was asked why, I would give an honest answer, but the fact that he didnt bother to even say 'Im just not that into you' tells me he probably won't. What you are looking for is causation. Nothing wrong with that, but in situations like this you are best just to move on.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

always on POF Posted: 8/1/2009 11:50:09 AM
Some people leave their windows open, so it will show online, some people get a lot of messages, so they are online often, others browse the forums... I would try asking about it, clear and direct, no BS.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Getting to know you Posted: 8/1/2009 11:23:32 AM
Early on, many people are in 'first impression' mode, where the act and do things differently, as if they were being judged...they may bring flowers, pay for every excursion, go 'out of their way' to do things they normally wouldnt. Its a defense mechanism, hiding the faults and flaws (that we all have) in an attempt to win over their perspective mate. Id rather be clear and direct, no BS...too bad most people can't handle it.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

*************i'm going crazy********************************** Posted: 7/25/2009 7:06:28 PM
I agree with the above, ditch the tattoo pic, get some good well lit ones with a nice smile. Also, at least one full body shot.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

My Bad second date experience. Posted: 7/20/2009 4:39:25 PM
Anyone who acts like that over a kiss goodbye on the second date has issues. Its not you, its her. When she calls back, say "its too soon..." and leave her be.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 130 (view)

Is it really rude to ask a woman her age? Posted: 7/20/2009 4:32:39 PM
I have asked many times. It seems its about 50/50 between who just answers, and those who think its unusual to ask. If someone cant open up about how old they are, I wouldnt want anything to do with them.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

Should I keep her as a friend? Posted: 7/20/2009 4:29:18 PM
In some situations it is possible to 'just be friends', but this isint one of them. You are too attached, and she really doesnt want you in her life at all. I have been in two situations where friendship followed a sexual relationship. The first was awkward, and quickly faded. There were no emotional ties on my side. The second one was difficult for a while because anytime we were together we both wanted to hop in the sack. We still talk and get together occasionally, but not often, and its never sexual. Bottom line, there is no general rule for friends or no-friends after sex. Its totally up to the individuals and the situation.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Aggressive Dates - Women Please Comment Posted: 7/19/2009 6:46:24 PM
I am calling BS on this story, unless you have no street smarts at all. I agree that people need to be careful, I just dont see how someone could let the situation get as bad as it did in this tale.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

When do guys grow up Posted: 7/12/2009 9:46:52 AM
Fun is not pseudonym for sex. sex=sex fun=fun sometimes sex>fun, but not always. Some guys will never stop playing the field. Since thats how evolution works, and thats what has allowed the human race to exist to this day, I would bank on it changing any time soon. For me personally, I stopped having fun when I was about 19...no wait, I still have fun. I stopped looking for meaningless sex when I was that age. I think its all about the personality type of the individual. It has nothing to do with 'growing up' or being 'mature'. Those are two separate things.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Dating a Married Man Posted: 7/11/2009 6:18:15 AM
The investigators report from a 'friend' would probably have been nothing more than a phone call or email saying ' hey, this guy is married and has a kid.' Im sure his wife knows that, so Im not sure what good sending anything like that would do. Honestly, your best bet is to walk away. There is a good chance the wife will blame YOU for the relationship anyway. Who knows what her reaction will be when she finds out. There is no need to add more stress or problems on top of what is already going on. If you want to just get away from this...do just that. Get away.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

POF Profile vs. RL Personality Posted: 7/10/2009 7:47:02 PM
I would of bailed from the get go...live and learn. Everyone is different in real life than online. Find someone with some similarites, meet to see if there is a connection, then go from there. You just can learn about someone through a screen.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

REAL friends would tell you? Posted: 7/10/2009 7:37:03 PM
I think more often than not, the bad behavior only occurs behind closed doors, or at least not in the company of friends or the like. This stuff also builds over time, its not usual that someone wakes up next to someone like that out of the blue.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

May I get your reaction to my profile, please? Posted: 7/6/2009 8:49:56 PM
Your profile pic needs to go away...far away. Get a close up of your face, nice smile, eyes in the camera. Try to find some interests of yours that a woman would enjoy as well. "Hobbies: Learning, reading, building things, exploring, dreaming" Pretty vanilla here. What do you build? What do you explore? "Me: I am passionate about fairness, justice, and personal responsibility. I love giving of my self to others. Enjoy good company and conversation in a relaxing and beautiful place. Adventurous explorer (tried sky-diving with free-fall). Self confidence and success are very sexy. Recently interested in art restoration and international law related to artifact collection." First line needs some examples, or clarification. WHat is a relaxing and beautiful place? Try to paint a picture for the reader so again, more specifics. Ditch the word sexy, use attractive or admirable. Also, you need more on what type of person you want, or what qualities are important to you. Good luck

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

New user - profile feedback Posted: 7/6/2009 8:44:08 PM
I agree with the above, plus: List some interests that women are more likely to be interested in as well. When you describe what you want in a woman, be more specific, as johninsd stated. " I am looking for a woman with a stable career..." " I want to find someone who enjoys riding motorcycles...." " I am interested in a woman who has her own job, her own life, and her own house, but is missing a companion to spend weekends with..." ...or whatever. Point is you are not just trying to catch a fish. Your trying to catch a keeper. Use the right bait. Good luck

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 625 (view)

How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help? Posted: 7/6/2009 8:34:24 PM
Long/ old thread, so I certainly didnt read it all. I have full custody of my two daughters. Their mom has supervised visitaion only, and just started to pay child support after six years. I am excited about this...now, what should I do with the $9.62 check I got???

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

OKAY I GET IT NOW...NO STRINGS ATTACHED MEANS LEAVE YOUR FEELINGS AT HOME.... Posted: 7/6/2009 8:31:44 PM
OP, it sounds like from very beginning, you knew it was all about sex with him. The moment you started to FEEL more toward him, you should of shut it off. Essentially, you set yourself up for anguish. From my experiance, NSA rarely ever is. As posted above, it is easier for a man to have meaningless sex than a woman. This is even more true if the two of them are having sex together multiple times. Women are very emotional creatures...I have never met one who could separate the emotions from the sex (at least while sober)

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Yahoo Bots are out in force and they're quite convincing Posted: 7/6/2009 8:14:41 PM
Are you using it for chat rooms, IMs, or something else?

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Yahoo Bots are out in force and they're quite convincing Posted: 7/6/2009 7:20:55 PM
My question is: WTF is on Yahoo anymore? It seems to be nothing but bots...I quit using it years ago because of that. Am I missing something?

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

What are your messaging ratio's? Posted: 7/6/2009 7:10:36 PM
I have sent less than 10 messages, and have gotten responses 80% of the time. The majority of messages I have sent have been questions, statements, or comments about their profile. I have never received a message that was not a reply, but I have had a couple that were interested in pursing contact. About 60% of my views are not from locals, so I would assume those were people from the forums.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Is Intercourse or Oral more Intimate? Posted: 7/5/2009 12:17:10 PM
Like 99% of the questions asked on this forum, it depends. If it is a drunk chick you just met blowing you on the way home from a bar...thats not intimate, its just a blowjob. If it is someone who you care about, and they are wanting to please you orally, that is very intimate... much more than the drunk chick who just puked in your lap.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

HELP has anyone else dated someone into penis enlargement? Posted: 7/5/2009 11:28:24 AM
You say you have been with him for a few months...in most cases that is long enough to know if IT is long enough. Maybe he is one of those guys who is really small, like 2-3 inches. I could understand why someone that size would want to do something about it, and why his partner would want that as well.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 170 (view)

why do most men judge women by their number of past lovers? Posted: 7/5/2009 10:55:21 AM
I am not concerned about a specific number, as long as the women does not give it up for anybody, all the time. If I feel she generally gets to know someone before getting intimate, the number of times is irrelevant.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Can Anyone Relate to Dating a Woman who is Bi-Polar? Posted: 7/5/2009 10:27:19 AM
I have been down this road more than once. First and foremost, you need to be honest with yourself about your abilities to handle the situation, and be able to provide the necessary support when needed. If you can't or wont' do that, you should avoid getting into relationships with people who have mental or emotional disorders.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Going on '1st Dates'... Any tips and ideas.. Posted: 7/5/2009 8:27:19 AM
I am far from a first date expert, but here is what I would suggest: Offer to meet her there to ease her comfort level. Compliment her on how she looks, ESPECIALLY if you can tell she took time to get ready. Make sure you go someplace quiet enough that you can talk without struggling to listen or understand. If you asked her out on the date, pay the tab. Have an unwritten list of open ended questions to ask her. Use these when those little awkward silences come up, which is sometimes common on first dates. Be an active listener. Have fun, be yourself, and go in it with NO EXPECTATIONS. EDIT: no one can tell you if you should hug, kiss, or handshake at the end. You just have to go with your gut. It is not hard to tell if someone had a good time with you. Personally for me, a handshake would be for a first date that would NOT lead to a second.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Am I being to harsh? Divorced vs. Separated Posted: 7/3/2009 4:52:45 AM
Question for all the separateds who are so upset over this... what is the big deal? So you're not a big internet dating stud (or studette) for 6 months I think the big deal is that so many people ASSume that someone who is separted still has emotional ties to their spouse, have too much baggage, or they are not really intending on getting divorced. With the exception of the latter, there is nothing different about someone who is divorced, and separated. Being separated is like waiting in line at the grocery store. You have your stuff, you know what your getting, you just need the recipt to make it yours on PAPER. Personally, I would not want to date someone (regardless of my situation or status) who put blanket statments out there about separated people, lumping them into one category, without making a decision on the actual facts. To me it is no different than being racist, or having any other prejudice. And FWIW, my first divorce took three years, not six months. This was AFTER the papers were filed.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

need help with my profile Posted: 7/2/2009 8:29:41 PM
Separated is going to be a deal breaker for many, many women. I agree with the poster above...do all those, get a better picture, and break your profile up into paragraphs, 3-4 sentances each. Make one of them describe what kind of relationship you are looking for, as your are 'still married' in most peoples eyes. I would suggest starting small, as no one is going to want to dive head first into a relationship with someone who has baggage/unfinished business.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Am I being to harsh? Divorced vs. Separated Posted: 7/2/2009 8:22:23 PM
I understand why people lie more than I understand why people are so quick to put a single label on a diverse group of people. Divorced, separated, married are LEGAL definitions...they are not solely relationship definitions. The emotional connection in a marriage is often long gone before people reach the stage of separation, and in these cases, the people are often able to move on to new positive relationships. Placing everyone who is separated into one category is quite ignorant actually. To think all these people are the same, have the same issues, and have the same degree of emotional stability shows a lack of cognitive thinking. If you cant find out the specifics of his or her relationship, and have to use a 'label' to deterimine their eligibility to date, you probably shouldnt be dating yourself due to latent emotional issues. I have my status listed as married, and will keep it that way until I am divorced. I am not really here looking to start a serious relationship anyway, so I don't feel I am missing out on perspective 'dates' I have been through the stigma of 'separation' before, and I dont feel the need to explain myself again...my time will come

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Getting all the wrong attention is it something I said? Posted: 7/1/2009 4:20:31 PM
There is NOTHING wrong with your second picture. If a man thinks you are worthless because of your picture just keep on walking. Your picture is good enough for anyone with half a brain to get an idea of you...which is all a picture can offer anyway. These men put entirely too much stock in pictures and looks. And, you are very pretty so don't listen to this guy. Didn't do well in reading comprehension did we? I never said anything was wrong with her looks. I only said the picture does not match the description, and that is something that guys will notice. Even if they have no preference to looks or body type, they will see right off that something is wrong. The picture is grainy, and not very clear.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Getting all the wrong attention is it something I said? Posted: 6/30/2009 9:02:04 PM
First, it is difficult to read. Its one big jumbled blob of words. Break it up into paragraphs of 3-4 sentances, each paragraph with a topic. All your interests in one, what you are looking for in another, what type of person in one,...etc Also, your second pic makes you look like you are 'above average' in size. It isnt a great pic either, but the bottom line is that honesty is VERY important here. If it appears that you are misleading, you will get few replys or messages. Good luck

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Is my profile ok? Posted: 6/30/2009 8:34:45 PM
Post some interests you have that women may like, and put a little something about what you are looking for in a woman. Lines like "there is too much about me to learn", or '"if you want to know, just ask" dont work. You need to tell a bit about yourself. If you cant bother to say it, no one is going to bother asking. Also, ditch the line about the trip to Jamaica...im sure its a joke, but it doesnt fit right.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Feedback from others on my profile would be much appreciated Posted: 6/30/2009 8:26:25 PM
Remove some of the negativity. Your profile should be uplifting. Lines like " I dont date bums/ thugs" are mood killers. Keep it positive You have A LOT of interests...narrow it down some, maybe a dozen or so of the most important ones. I would also trim down the part about being a recovering drug addict. Keep it to a sentance or two, and keep it to one paragraph of the profile (and not the opening one). I think it is an important part about you and your current situation, and it is admirable that you have it posted in the open. That shows a little bit about you right there. Good luck on your recovery. I have been there, and I have helped friends through it. I know how difficult it can be. There is a light at the end of that tunnel, and it is worth reaching for.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

Can Someone Tell Me If My Profile Is All Wrong?? Posted: 6/30/2009 8:17:31 PM
Start by getting rid of the picture with the kiddo. Kids are great, we all love them...just not on a dating site. I would recomend putting all of your interests into one paragraph. You have it spread out a bit. I would also say you should be more specific about what type of guy you want (other than funny) Finally. Ditch this line: If you think you might be this guy then just email, I would love to talk to anyone. If they want to message you they will. No need to point out the obvious, and the last part makes you sound hard up. Good luck. Remember, a profile is a constant work in progress.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Walking away verses closure Posted: 6/16/2009 8:11:39 PM
I think it depends on the situation. If two people break up after a long term relationship, one in which there are deep seeded feelings and emotions, closure is more important in the healing stage. In a shorter, young relationship, it would probably be best to just cut your losses and move on, as there is not near the emotional investment.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Friend Zone After a Relationship? Posted: 6/16/2009 8:07:55 PM
I agree with the last two posts. You need to disconnect from her. No email, no text, no phone calls...nothing. If you hang on for a second chance, you are setting yourself up for some real heartache.

keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Lying on your profile...not really divorced!! Posted: 6/15/2009 8:24:22 PM
I agree, you should of left the minute you found out he was full of it. It is one thing to be REALLY separated and dating (while being honest about it), its totally another thing to flat out lie, which is what this tool did. My profile says married, even though my 'wife' doesnt even live in the same city. It will stay that way until I am divorced. The stigma of 'separation' is not much different that that of an actual cheater, so I am skipping that stage.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Is Sex all that Everyone thinks about? Posted: 6/13/2009 6:49:45 PM
There are two different types of guys 1) guys who want a woman just for sex 2) guys who want a woman for a multitude of reasons, including sex Either way, guys want sex. You just need to figure out if that is ALL he wants, or if there is more.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Rain, rain, don't go away....(a sexual question) Posted: 6/13/2009 3:50:11 PM
Rainy weather is only good for two things; sleeping or f ucking, and im not tired.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 24 (view)

I miss having sex Posted: 6/13/2009 3:48:32 PM
Its simply BECAUSE certain men really AREN'T good enough! Maybe certain men are not good enough, but the OP said she dates a lot. If none of these guys are good enough, either her standards are too high, or she is fishing in the wrong pond.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

RETURNING THE FAVOR Posted: 6/13/2009 3:45:08 PM
I think its just semantics. I always do what I can to please my partner, but not as a 'favor'

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

This is no option for Single-Never Married? Posted: 6/13/2009 3:42:50 PM
If I had a lot of money I might consider starting a site for single-never married people, as we sure seem to be like lepers around here. Most people who are 50 years old and not married are usually not single. Marriage and divorce are so common today, people just assume that 'non-married' people over 40 are divorced.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 44 (view)

Is it racism when.... Posted: 6/13/2009 3:39:51 PM
I am not attracted to men, does that mean I am a feminist? No, its just a preference, just like yours is a preference. Unless of course your preference was due to some prejudice, which doesn't appear to be the case.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 15 (view)

Is he cheating or not. Posted: 6/13/2009 3:36:31 PM
Just having nude pics of himself on the computer does not mean he is cheating. He may just be one of those guys that likes to send nude pics of himself to women around the world. Is cheating worse than snooping? Both violate trust IMO, and wrong is wrong.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 34 (view)

No clitoral orgasm. Posted: 6/12/2009 9:17:28 PM
All women are different...accept it, deal with it, and learn from it. Some can orgasm easily, others require specific methods or forms of stimulation. I will say that from my experiance, most women can't, or at least have a VERY difficult time reaching orgasm without either direct or indirect clitoral stimulation. Not to say they don't enjoy being pleased in other areas...they just may not reach orgasm from it. Why are people so quick to place a standard on human sexuality?

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

If A gal came in ? Posted: 6/11/2009 8:07:29 PM
6. I'd like to watch once and see his technique, then use it on him later and compare 'notes'. At least with me, it does not work that way. The technique I use on myself wouldn't work if a woman did it. It only works with the right amount of pressure, the right positioning, and the right 'stroke'...things you can't pick up from just watching, or even helping. That does not mean I dont enjoy a good hand job...it just has to be a different method. I would prefer 'her' method, and if I didn't, I would make sugguestions.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Why men suck at detecting if women are interested Posted: 6/11/2009 6:37:13 PM
Often, women are so sublte about showing their interest, it is no shock that men don't notice. They think a smile, with a certain look in the eye is all it takes. It really just depends on both the man and the woman. I have heard more than a few times that some particular woman was interested, and I never had a clue.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

When does few extra lbs become BBW? Posted: 6/11/2009 6:12:32 PM
If you can pinch more than an inch of fat on the side of your torso on your ribcage, you are 'a few extra pounds'...if you have rolls, you are BBW.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

New To POV, please review my profile and make suggestions! Posted: 6/10/2009 8:39:17 PM
I agree with KomradeKarl...more pictures, with a good shot of your eyes right in the camera. at least one small paragraph about yourself, what you like another with what you are looking for, and what you like...be specific on both of these Also, your first date says something about 'get to know eachother', then you mention movie and stuffing your face. While you can talk and learn about someone at dinner, its not ideal. You certainly can't learn about someone sitting in the dark watching lights flash on a screen.

Keiper

Joined: 11/22/2008

Msg: 65 (view)

Defining A Few Posted: 6/10/2009 8:30:07 PM
People just need to be honest about their weight. Everyone knows which category their body type would fall into. People can accept the truth better than they can accept meeting you, and knowing RIGHT AWAY that you are less than honest.

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