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mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 73 (view)

How have you been pampered/spoiled by a woman? Posted: 9/1/2008 8:31:07 PM
For me it is very little things, a compliment on my appearance makes me feel confident when I've received them from strangers and my gf's alike. My ex. gf had a star named after me, that was very cool and completely not an every day gift. Breakfast in bed is always good, especially when you aren't expecting it. Finally, I've been genuinely proposed to by two women and that made me feel special, but not so special as I didn't want to marry either one. ;)

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Christian belief causing guilty feelings? Posted: 8/9/2008 11:42:56 PM
mytfineman So.. how did you use to deal with this? Any insight would be good. Did you just stop talking to the woman like this? What could she do make him feel better or build his trust? When I was going through that phase I was falling out of love with one woman who drove me to major weight loss. A friend who I had once had a crush on then made me an amazing offer of free no strings attached sex, she wanted to rehabilitate me from my break up with the other woman. I was conflicted, though the previous relationship was officially broken months before I didn't feel like doing the casual sex thing with my friend who I must admit I was extremely attracted to. Anyway, her advances were too much for me I relented and we made love once...after which I told her "this is not going to happen again", she didn't like the idea of that and called me a week later for another appointment but I declined. Our friendship cooled after that and I haven't heard from her since, but I realize now I could have enjoyed the situation and not been such a prude but what's done is done. I had the idea that the imaginary god I believed in would smite me for giving in to the potential for sexual urges that it put in me (interesting irony that)...and that helped fuel the frustration.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 82 (view)

baking cookies for you! Posted: 8/8/2008 12:01:04 AM
<< packing bags and getting ticket ready to move to Ontario! brunettemiss01, you called? grin

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

Christian belief causing guilty feelings? Posted: 8/7/2008 11:52:40 PM
Gosh I am so glad I don't have that confusion hanging over my head anymore, I missed out on a lot of good sex thanks to those stupid beliefs! He sounds like me 12 years ago, even now I can't rationalize why I turned down so many free offers but religious belief is not rational so that is all the explanation I need! Much success to your friend , I fear she will need it.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Guys, a question for you Posted: 8/7/2008 11:48:25 PM
A woman that is good in bed has the following characteristics. 1) She knows how to please herself. 2) She knows how to teach you to please her. 3) She's not afraid to tell you in detail, how to do 2) 4) She wants to please you. 5) She's not afraid to ask you what you want from her to be pleased. On the other side is of course the male being receptive to being told what to do, lots of guys think they know for all woman and that is nonsense. Women are like clouds, every one is different. Percentage, easy, 3/5 or 60 %

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 83 (view)

Guys, do you want to date or not? Posted: 8/7/2008 11:43:16 PM
raxarsr, I know what you mean brother, I don't spend much time on the site but I find it amazing that well composed "first letters" are "read deleted" without as much as a "not interested" which to me is incredibly rude. If you don't like, say so it takes two seconds to type "not interested" and many women seem to think that guys only send first letters to women they want to be with , wrong...I send letters to anyone that seems like an interesting person and I am hard pressed to get a response. I don't get how they can be like a roach and go hiding under the anonymous "read delete" rock. Funny thing is you read women complaining about guys writing crass first letters mentioning sex and I've never done that yet getting just a response is hard as nails! Strange hypocrisy is a foot!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Young + Older vs. Older+ Younger Posted: 8/7/2008 11:31:08 PM
Lots of generalizations there, FOR ME as a fit 36 year old with no kids and a bit of youthful vigor who doesn't look his age, I find it natural to date younger girls. Though my ex gf was older (by 2 years) the previous gf was a relationship that started when I was 28 and she was 18, for me it is not about the age but rather the fitness of the woman. If she is a lively 38 year old with the body of a 25 year old with no kids then she's almost as appealing, but I am not looking for mindless dates ...when you are searching for a life partner who can bare children, dating women in their late 30's can hamper your plans so I avoid it (it in fact formed part of the reason of my break up with the ex)

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 80 (view)

baking cookies for you! Posted: 8/7/2008 11:24:07 PM
hell yes, it shows the woman is willing to go the extra mile for the guy. There is something quite sensual about cooking for someone in my book, to me it is way better than buying a gift or going out to dinner. The personal investment of physical effort and time tells a lot about the individuals desire to make a positive impression...that usually turns out to be a good sign for a healthy relationship IMO.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

Why guys want to meet right away? Posted: 8/7/2008 11:15:59 PM
I prefer the slow and steady approach myself, besides being too busy to just decide within a few days to see someone new I would rather chat with them and find out if they are even worth that much time. I have really high standards and it is best to avoid disappointment in person by feeling out the person in chat or on the phone, that way we can both avoid wasting our time.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

why do guys like to cum on a girl's face? Posted: 8/7/2008 11:07:48 PM
I won't speak for all guys only my personal experience here and what I've heard from a majority of my male acquaintances. It is about in short: pwneage to be l33t about it. Most of the guys I know say they do it to assert their control over the girl, if a girl lets you do that to her she'll probably let you do anything else...so if you get there you essentially can have your way with her. So there is a definite element of sadism behind it. Note to women reading, unless you are super serious about a guy or the opposite... you just don't care, don't let your guy do it to you. If he really wants you (and not to just splooge all over your face) he'll wait until after you have him (ie. married)...of course if you are adamant about a guy not doing it and you still have oral sex with him, you may tempt an "accident" so unless you really know the person you are having sex with or giving oral to, don't think that saying "no" will guarantee you won't catch strips of man syrup in your hair by "accident".

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Would you take it slow? Posted: 7/11/2008 10:53:04 PM
I've been patient and deliberate in every one of my 5 relationships that ended up involving sexual intercourse. Outside of that I've only dated maybe 50 more, I am uber selective and though I love sex, I never saw the challenge in easy sex (or easy anything for that matter)...okay maybe once(1 of the 5), but never again after or since then. I've realized though that I am in a super tiny minority of guys or women when it comes to this mode of action. Seems most people have had sex with a lot more people than me, and that has added to my selectivity since I simply won't consider people who've had stratospheric conquest counts. My choices don't come out of lack of confidence or hurt, I just want the people I consider for relationships to have a similar perspective and experience to mine, call me a sexual ascetic in this regard. A definition of value is, the scarcity of availability. But the necessary converse is that what is scarce is hard to find even if it has innate value. C'est la vie.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 87 (view)

Is it ever ok to tell a guy he is bald? Posted: 7/11/2008 10:32:01 PM
Sure eyes azure sky, not at all go ahead knock yourself out. ;) Though in my case it started off as a choice when I was 25 and the look stuck! But seriously, I never get the guys that hang on to the "horse shoe". If you don't have unusual lumps or scars on your head go full baldie and get yourself a Harley, now all of a sudden the girls will love you again. grin

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 94 (view)

Would you date a woman who doesn't want kids? Posted: 7/11/2008 10:30:55 PM
Nope, looking for long term and to have at least two of my own some day so wanting to have kids is a deal maker or breaker. It is one of the first things I find out to avoid wasting both our time.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 214 (view)

Is height important guys? Posted: 7/11/2008 10:27:35 PM
Too short for me is below 5' 3 or so. Too tall...is something over 6'2... for a woman it just starts to look freakish around there...not her fault, not mine either. If the lady is taller in heels it doesn't count and doesn't bother me, if my lady is looking good then more power to her and that makes me proud but then I don't have height issues as I am 5'11 , short guys might be more sensitive about it though.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Why Must You talk about Sex. Posted: 7/11/2008 10:21:29 PM
I don't , never do at the getting to know stage (unless the girl starts it). In fact I am so sex talk averse I think many women who've I've been interested in completely missed that fact because I didn't vocalize my interest. If I am in the persons social space I tend to do things, like I'll cook food and insist that you have a plate, or I'll volunteer to do things for you, until I get 100% unambiguous signals of interest from a woman , she probably thinks that I see her as a pane of glass...which is ironic given I have felt the same way to women I've been extremely attracted to but had not the balls to show or say anything. If I am not in her social space she'll think I am completely not interested since I never make eye contact and I will ignore the girl...call it fear of rejection to the nth power. Curse of the geek! All that said once I am on a footing with a woman that we both have clearly expressed our physical attraction for one another in word and action...well then I am the nastiest mo fo you'll ever meet. grin

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Do any of you guys actually ENJOY subtle or ambiguous sexual tension on dates? Posted: 7/7/2008 9:51:19 PM
My answer is a reserved "yes" since you stated that the communication of attraction has already been relayed. In that case I know that the girl likes something about me and I am trying to further the relationship with her. Yes that is great fun, flirts back and fourth....I think many people on the thread read your question to mean that the guy has no signs of attraction on the females part what so ever before the date. In that case, the answer would assuredly be "no", I wouldn't go out on a date with a woman just to see if she likes me. Since I started dating online I've learned that it is much better to know for sure that there is some sort of physical attraction before meeting. It can be done online, you either make sure to share lots of pictures showing you in more than just the flattering angles and today many people have video cams for video chat. So really the chances of meeting someone and not being physically attracted are much lower if enough sampling has been done online via images or video. I made the mistake on my last POF date to rush into a meeting, though the initial attraction between us was there...she realized I was a tad bit more geeky than she was interested, in particular I got the "you remind me of my ex. who was great but..." treatment. Had we just talked more before actually going on a date we probably would not have ever done it and saved us both some time.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Can you trust if she goes to clubs alone? Posted: 6/29/2008 4:43:49 PM
if the girl you're involved with rather then going out to bars or clubs goes out alone sometimes because she's content being alone and just loves to dance, could you trust her? If she's not going to a bar or a club , then where is she going to dance? Is that the only thing she does when she goes out alone? If my girl wants to go to a museum by herself, go to the park by herself, go shopping by her self that makes more sense then if she said I want to go to the club and dance. Girls love to say that they only go to clubs to dance by themselves but that is just tosh, every girl in a club wants a guy to come and dance with her if she's not with her girlfriends...otherwise what is the point? I am by no means a club head but in my limited excursions I've never seen a single woman at a club dancing alone for long. She might start moving a bit, get the attention of some guy and then she's no longer alone. If you are going to dance at a club with strangers then why not ask your bf to come along? As mentioned above, you aren't dancing alone in a club for long (or can you actually dance by yourself for 3 hours straight??? it would be a first sight for me) so might as well bring hubby and have a real good time, otherwise I wonder why it is preferable to dance with strangers over the hubby. I don't even date or meet other men if there's mutual interest with one. It is unfortunate that this behavior needs to be stated up front as a badge of honor, it should be how everyone behaves but not in this world! I would never pass up a date with a guy I'm with to do it and I'd welcome him to come along if he wanted but if I happen to be alone for the night and feel like going, is it such a bad thing to most men? Okay now this contradicts the original question I thought you were asking. Are you with the guy or not when you go out "alone"? If you are with the guy, yes asking him to come should be the first step..but if you are single, then do what you want you'd be single in that case.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Is it Confidence, or just plain Conceit? Posted: 6/29/2008 4:31:46 PM
dictionary.com to the rescue!!! con·fi·dence Audio Help /ˈkɒnfɪdəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kon-fi-duhns] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun 1. full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing: We have every confidence in their ability to succeed. 2. belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities; self-confidence; self-reliance; assurance: His lack of confidence defeated him. 3. certitude; assurance: He described the situation with such confidence that the audience believed him completely. ar·ro·gance Audio Help /ˈærəgəns/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[ar-uh-guhns] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun offensive display of superiority or self-importance; overbearing pride. con·ceit Audio Help /kənˈsit/ Pronunciation Key - Show Spelled Pronunciation[kuhn-seet] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –noun 1. an excessively favorable opinion of one's own ability, importance, wit, etc. 2. something that is conceived in the mind; a thought; idea: He jotted down the conceits of his idle hours. 3. imagination; fancy. To summarize, you can be conceited and confident, you could be arrogant but that requires others (the arbiters of "offensive" in the definition above) to make an assessment of your displayed confidence or conceit as such. Conceit doesn't seem to rely on others to determine what is "excessive" the same way arrogance relies on "offensive display" which implicitly assumes a viewer. The main difference being the perception of offense, though overconfidence is true of both.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

Commenting on your pics.... Posted: 6/29/2008 4:20:34 PM
Even something as innocuous as "I think you're cute" can be a bit creepy if that's all that's written - I mean, you wouldn't go up to some strange girl and say "I think you're cute" without saying anything else, right? Actually I haven't said that precise phrase but I have followed up after the introduction. If the guy says "I think you're cute." and then sits there...that can be creepy! In real life I've had more women come up to me and tell me they thought I was cute then the reverse. I tend not to bother women on the street since in NY they are constantly being badgered by guys but there are many gorgeous women in NYC and I've felt out of pure urge of testosterone compelled to approach a few times in public. Still I've been approached more than I've approached (not calling myself an Adonis or anything its just the amount of approaches I've done is so low!) Does it make you feel creeped out if a girl does that? Or do guys like receiving purely physical email? Is that why they send it? Simple, if the girl is attractive you say "thank you" and follow up with a request for more info. If she's not , you say "thank you" and leave it at that, at least that is what I've done.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

your gf and two guys Posted: 6/29/2008 4:08:18 PM
If you found out your girlfriend did two guys at the same time, would this change your feelings for her? Hell yes. In fact I found something similar (girl,girl, guy) about a girl I was talking to that I met on this site and for that alone I gave her the we must be friends letter (we never actually met) after that. Though I haven't been with two women at once I sure wouldn't mind doing it. I also wouldn't blame a lady I meet afterward if she refused to date me because I had done so and thus brought myself below her standard of acceptability, as long as by being honest I offer them an out I expect the same from them. Facts are though that human sexuality has a built in bias that looks down on female promiscuity while elevating male promiscuity of the same nature, scientists theorize the reasons have to do with ensuring diversity in the gene pool and keeping family lines distinct. Such behavior would tend to promote roaming males, which is an efficient strategy for dispersing the species over a wide area faster since females don't tend to roam alone. They are tied usually to the requirements of raising children and thus less likely to take on great adventures to new lands. (and ie new Men to mate with) Would you still want her for a serious relationship? No it would end right there, I try to find such things out right up front, which is kind of difficult since most women would lie about it I believe. It is selfish really, if the guy is me with two girls, no problem...if two other guys were with my current girl and I inherit the lady after the fact, big problem. Some guys have a problem with their girl expressing bisexual desires, that is a dream scenario for most guys (though again alot will deny it) but compared to that knowing your girl was dp'd, tag teamed, bukaki'd..pick your form of twin phallic abuse... does a number on her value assessment in most guys eyes, no matter how attractive she might be or how you feel about her. that's one Man's opinion.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 275 (view)

What do guys think about a girl contacting them first? Posted: 6/8/2008 6:37:55 PM
More women should do it, not all guys are even aware they are being watched or go through the profiles looking for women. I rarely do it so I don't know who might be looking at my profile, if you see a profile that fits with you then send a message, it will make the guy feel good about it and may spark something special...who knows. you've only got one life, live it!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Models in skin mags: what do you think of them? Posted: 6/4/2008 7:36:50 PM
If a man buys (or even just looks at) porn, what's the opinion he has of the women in them? Does he think they're trashy, or that they're doing what they can to pay their way through life? Well I can only speak from my own experience, boldly presented here on the internet for all eternity!! The short answer is it depends on the grade of porn. soft core porn, women erotic modeling. I have a generally good idea of them, these women are not lowering themselves to the hard core stuff and I see that as more respectful..since really the money difference (both aren't as high paying as many might think) between the two is not great. These women I would probably not have an issue dating but there is always the thought of why are you doing this when you can get an education and not sell pictures of your ass for money? But then again fashion models, lingerie and Hollywood actresses essentially do a limited version of the same thing so.... hard core porn, women with women. Hey I am a fan, pretty ladies making out, bring it on...if that is their sexual preference fine, it is my preference to watch. grin Most of these women are lesbian or bisexual...if lesbian, guys like the fantasy idea of "turning them" if bisexual , THIS guy wouldn't mind having one. I'd be open to her dalliances with other women ...ehem...so long as I can participate in some way. hard core porn, women and men. Lowest of the low, I can enjoy some of the woman's attributes but I wouldn't ever consider them for a relationship. They tend to be severely messed up in the head, any woman that enjoys the act of having multiple guys ejaculate,urinate, deficate on her face or having multiple penises in her orifices..well there is something dangerously wrong IMO. These women tend to be incapable of commitment (from what I've read of many of their stories) at the same time, they seem to be perplexed that they can't find lasting relationships WHILE still engaged in the porn "business". They call it "work" but lets be clear, you get reamed/rammed and ridden on video by strange guys for a living, don't be surprised that the bulk of society will see you as whore, doesn't matter if you weren't into it, doesn't matter if you were paid for it by a third party, end of story..ya labeled yourself as trash. Only the occasional "actress" makes real money and those are the ones that have to F thousands of guys and experience all manner of abuse on video to do it. So I am supposed to now look at a woman like this as just as valuable as another woman who is just as physically attractive but didn't sleep with half the country, uhh...not. that's my take!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

does this turn you on? Posted: 6/4/2008 6:42:24 PM
Watching them do it at a bar is nice, doing it in my bedroom would be better though. grin And of course they need to be attractive to me, I have no interest in watching two wildebeest getting it on, that's not vibes. ;) your female friend is mostly correct from my experience...with the qualification of straight men being the observers.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

ego and money - does it matter? Posted: 6/4/2008 5:46:06 PM
Guys... is it true that you're initimidated by a woman who may make more money than you? And why? Not in my case but I've found it to be true for many of my male acquaintances/ friends..goes back to classic machismo and the need to feel like the bread winner. Ego trip. It doesn't matter to me how much money a man makes... if I'm with him, I care about HIM, not his wallet. Congratulations, you are a minority of women from what I've seen. Though many more make the claim you did than actually back it up, the desire for a Man with financial security or independence is a strong reason for many women to engage in relationships with one guy over another. Just look at the odd couples that come out of politics , entertainment and sport to be convinced of this. Lots of WTF??? moments when you see the couples (eg. Harrison Ford/Calista Flockheart???...Michael Douglas /Catherine Zeta Jones??? Hugh Hefner/ Any Playboy Bunny???) you can bet your hand that if those old farts were the guy tending the local bar they wouldn't have a prayers chance (which is conveniently no chance at all as prayer doesn't work) with either woman, no matter how "charming" they might otherwise be. So... what's a girl to do? Should she keep the information to herself? How does she play it if he finds out and seems uncomfortable? Funny, unlike many males I don't advertise my financial state I just describe my profession. I purposefully keep my financial information off the profile and I never ask a woman about hers other than to know her profession. It doesn't matter to me how much money she makes as long as she's happy doing it, if she is intelligent enough to hold my attention then she certainly is smart enough to be financially secure if she isn't already. I run like the gazelle the minute I get questions from women who probe beyond the fact that I am an engineer and entrepreneur. If you can't figure out my likely financial state from that either you're a grubber or stupid, in either case X marks the spot for you. grin I think if a guy is probing for your financial information he might be betraying his insecurities or also be a grubber, in which case you should think twice about continuing to see him.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

getting fit again Posted: 6/4/2008 4:48:18 PM
two pronged attack and you'll get that tone back in no time. 1) Reduce your calories. This may be just for the time that you are trying to get in tone or you can maintain it but try and eat no more than 1500 to 2000 calories a day. When I started a weight loss program in 2002 I kept my calories at 1500 per day, now as a Man who is 5'11" and has a good deal of muscle mass that 1500 calories will burn faster than say on a woman who is 5'4 and has much less muscle so you need to determine what is optimal for you. I first normalized my meals by ensuring a consistent eating pattern and content for the entire weight loss period. You have to be very disciplined to do it this way. I actually modified my diet to go from the varied breakfast, lunch and dinner I used to have to a fixed breakfast (a huge bowl of fruit) , and an identical lunch and dinner portion. However, the over all mantra was "first meal fruit" , even if I was having my first meal at noon it would be fruit (and thus on those days I would only have two meals instead of three) Also make sure and get to bed before you develop hunger after that last meal. Sneaking calories will only slow down the rate at which you achieve the results and may cause you frustration to give up trying. Just modifying the diet will show slow results in weight loss as you extricate the fats you normally would have ingested during breakfast for the efficiently digested protein, carbs, fiber and fructose of fruits. 2) Exercise, try to start with something you know you can do consistently...don't over do it. If you can't see yourself doing a routine every day then reduce the intensity or duration until you can and stick to it. As you build up fitness (increased aerobic respiration as your muscles grow) you will be able to add intensity and duration and burn more calories. It is recommended that no less than 15 minutes of a cardio intensive work out a day is done, any less than that and you don't get to a point where your cells are engaged in efficient respiration, I'd push that to at least 30. Coupled with the diet modification "first meal fruit" and you should see tangible results of maybe 2-3 lbs lost per week, ramp up exercise or decrease calories as needed to achieve the rate of decrease you are looking for and then wait to enjoy your new body! The key is consistency and discipline, you won't lose the weight if you give up either on the diet change or on the exercise routine. You can greatly aid yourself in this by keeping a log book of your routines, list the duration and the milestones and goals of your routine as you go. List your weight on a weekly basis, set date targets for weight loss and modify your routine /diet to achieve them. To this day I log my runs in an online run log that I've kept since I started back in 2002, the comments keep me motivated for the next day and provide targets to achieve. You can bootstrap your success by having an eye on your past achievements so keeping a log books is essential to ensuring that you are headed consistently toward your goals! In my example, out of the blue I started running 3.5 miles every day and changed to a "first meal fruit" diet at the same time. For lunch and dinner I had what many would consider unorthodox but weight loss is simply about burning more calories per day than you take in. I had one piece of skinless KFC chicken and a fist full of FRIED chinese rice for lunch and dinner. I did this for just over 4 months and achieved my goal of losing 52lbs by the new year of 2003. I went from 226 lbs to 174, I currently weigh 176 on a modified diet routine that no longer consistently includes fruit as a first meal (I have much better cellular fitness now than I did when I started the routine) and I have come to love running. You might find that after your loss you will stay with it as well, much success on your journey!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

How did you cope? Posted: 6/4/2008 4:16:26 PM
I had a long term relationship end suddenly at the end of 2005. My gf who had just graduated college earlier that year was feeling she needed to experience something different from what she had with me. I was her first long term relationship (and she was mine) but I was 10 years her senior so I had a bit more maturity as far as worldly things. All that said, the break up was not a surprise or as shocking as it might seem given how sudden it was, I had felt from the beginning that the relationship was one of convenience and I was willing to see it through despite my reservations but when she gave me the speech part of me was very happy that I didn't have to tolerate the aspects I didn't like about the relationship any more. After the relationship ended I missed certain aspects of it of course but I never felt ill toward her, I wish her all the best. As for me , I felt liberated to go on and pursue my ideal as opposed to having to tolerate a compromise relationship.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 35 (view)

Has your burning desire, obsession .... for... 'x' ruined your relationship? Posted: 6/4/2008 3:55:27 PM
I know exactly what you are talking about OP and I sympathize. I have always been a cerebral traveler...more content in exploring things in my mind than in reality. I was engaged in so much introspection that my interests tended toward the abstract. I was lucky to have a dual attraction to abstractions in art and abstractions in the empirical and rigid rules that make up the world, mathematics and physics. On one hand I engaged myself with the study of art by drawing, a latent skill coupled with an insatiable desire to get better and to match parity with my heroes led to thousands of hours hunched over a drafting table as a young adolescent and teen when others were outside engaging in pre social interactions. One the other hand, I explored the world of science and technology, developing an obsession with tinkering with electronics , programming computers and learning about all things physics related. I was so filled with the hunt for perfection in these areas that before I realized I was a young adult and had little social experience. I actively shunned environments that to me were foreign and inspired dread. In my early 20's as I studied in college I began a slow process of self repair, addressing the deficiencies of my social atrophy by trying to engage the situations that previously I avoided by 25 I was beginning to come out of my shell and was able to engage in my first relationship. Unfortunately I was not prepared for the deluge of emotions that attended the feelings I harbored for this first Love and the trauma led to significant weight loss and under performance in my studies. I recovered, but still my ability to focus on a goal to the exclusion of events around me remained. To this day I am driven by the passion I have for my work, the experience to me is a fuel that can't be explained to those who see it only as a pursuit to inspire boredom. As each day goes by my success keeps me content, in this focus I've had two relationships that suffered and failed due to my refusal to part time from my goals to nurture them, in retrospect both were non optimal and their dissolution is seen as a good event but now I am in a better place to compromise when it comes to making time for people among the goals of personal achievement that I've set myself. I think it is possible for us to do it, we just need to find partners whose styles are complementary to our own and that engage in our passions as equal participants and not just dispassionate observers.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

He says he is a gentleman, but I have to wonder Posted: 6/4/2008 3:36:30 PM
Okay...the train skipped the tracks when I read this part... He did say that even if there was not a physical attraction, we would always be able to talk to each other...I am so hurt and confussed by his actions. The minute he "friended" you, you should have never made yourself so available to potentially full in ...well fall for him. What you describe indicates to me that you have feelings for him beyond what he has for you, especially since he put you in the friend category. That said, from his perspective he probably felt that you were getting a bit too close and given that he was not attracted to you felt the best option was to "poof". I could be wrong and you might here from him again, but you have to click your brain out of the "I am worried for a guy I would ideally like to be with" mode and to the "I am concerned about an acquaintance in whom I know there is no hope of being with" mode. Otherwise you'll just continue to fall for him. much success

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Does family opinion really matter? Posted: 6/4/2008 3:26:54 PM
Well before I answer your question, I can say based on the background that you are not going into a situation with good odds on it lasting. The reason is first the age gap and second the fact that he wants to hide you from his family. If the guy lacks the gonads to Man up to his family and tell them to politely F - off he might not be worthy of your commitment. I would think that in the ideal, you would want a Man who loves you so much that he is willing to pinch off his existing world just to be with you...if you don't ask that much of your mate, fine this situation may be acceptable to you...but if this situation feels as if you are being asked to compromise in ways you aren't comfortable with...then challenge him to prove his Love by taking a stand against the family. If he isn't willing to do that for you, then he doesn't love you to the level that you need and that is a red flag. In my own experience, I've never given a flying F what my family thinks. Depending on where your family is from and what their education is, the views that are expressed concerning everything from the manerisms , looks, ethnicity, religion or comportment of your mate could be very different from your own. You want to weigh their opinions against their knowledge in the area in an objective sense, your family isn't always right simply because they are your family. Some people have biased views of individuals, my mother once hated my "first love" I didn't care but after it broke up I realized she was right, I was naive and had to learn the lesson. Stand up for your feelings but don't be so bullheaded that you are blinded to the wisdom of your family so long as that wisdom is delivered without mingled ignorance, bias or hate. Much success on your situation.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Are Men Really This Desperate?? Posted: 6/1/2008 9:26:54 AM
sounds like you are attracting a lot of flies. Getting the "L" word out of me is akin to finding the Hope Diamond.....one rare event. The reason is that looks are only one of the things that are critical for me to consider a woman in a long term relationship that might lead to that feeling developing. Common education, interests and perspective on life, child raising and even (lack of) religion are deal maker or breakers...so the subset of women that actually have all those qualities AND is actually attractive to me enough that over time with them I'd grow smitten is very very very low. Thing is many guys have their standards but after frustration from not finding what they want they go and settle, you might be attracting these guys looking to settle with a "good enough" instead of who they really need to be with...so being careful as you seem to be is a very good thing. You'll eventually find a guy who is cool, makes you crazy in a good way, loves to be with you but would have an easier time cracking walnuts with his a$$ cheeks than saying the "L" word, then you'll fall in Love. wink.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

I am lame, I should be out now? Posted: 5/31/2008 11:18:05 PM
good point Scott, I could see a possible reason lies in the difference in the circle of friends most of us keep between when we are in college in our 20's and when we finally graduate to "worker bee" status. You just don't have the time or energy to go out and get red faced every weekend. Though in my case I never had a ton of peers pushing me to do things as all my friends were engineering , physics and math students and well, let's just say we weren't the cream of the social crop nor did we congregate to go "hit the clubs". Back then I couldn't imagine a worse torture to be honest. ;)

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

I am lame, I should be out now? Posted: 5/31/2008 11:13:01 PM
lady waresa, the thing is I have only just started (relative to my current age) going to clubs! I mean literally I've been to them no more than 10 times and I started two years ago. My friends used to tell me, you must go , you must go, for most of my 20's and I never had the desire (since I was always thinking "i won't meet anyone interesting there" instead of as someone said "just go to have fun") Part of it was also fear, I was really shy in my early 20's ...the stereotypical anti-social geek, but when I finally realized 2 years ago it was okay to go and have fun, even that fun I quickly tired of ...I prefer to meet serious women elsewhere. I prefer to be "lame" on Saturday nights is my point (hence the quotes...I don't think I am really lame!!!) grin though I am sure if I was in a relationship I would go out with my gf to have fun with her there....if she wanted to. ;) I am glad I didn't have to spend 10 years of my life learning the lesson that clubs are for one thing.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 258 (view)

Men and cats? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:51:48 PM
Best pet in the Universe, incredibly clean, smart, quiet and they don't smell when wet!!! easily IMO the most beautiful (on average) species in the world (including humans!) and the coolest (just watch one walk) in the animal kingdom....what is not to like?

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

Scrotum Tuck for Breast Implants? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:49:27 PM
I loath any attempts to modify the body due to self esteem issues, unless you are malformed and need it for that reason the problem is in the head and they have doctors for that. ;) I wouldn't ask a woman to get any artificial parts and so I wouldn't expect her to ask me to restrain my walnut bags either!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 85 (view)

Do guys lose respect if a girl hits on them? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:45:32 PM
Well first let me say , you can hit on me any time come to Brooklyn! Second, something you said in your post got my interest: I actually recently got dumped because this guy (who I asked out) felt I was too out-going, and thought that a "lady" wouldn't be so forward which begs the question, are you too outgoing? I don't know what that meant to him but I can tell you what it means to me, a woman who is too outgoing is all flirty with other Men in her date or mates presence. For most guys this is unacceptable, even if they say "it is okay"...I like a social girl as long as she gives me all over social-ness (not a word bare with me) That said, is there a chance you might be one of those girls...joking, chatting with other guys when you are out. I've never dated a woman like that (because I am one of those jealous **stards) but I know a friend of my sister who is just like that I wonder what hell her boyfriend must get from her overly social and flirtatious ways...but that is his choice. As for you playing hard to get, nothing wrong with you continuing to be a go getter, so long as you turn that off after you have landed a guy in a relationship. ;) Ah Just read your profile, Much success!!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Do you think women rate harsher? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:34:54 PM
well one thing I noticed which could skew the male results has a general trend is the "hater vote" ...when I look at my ratings my female ratings are significantly highier than my male ratings. Now either some guys are being spiteful (why are they rating my pics anyway!) or ...well....there is no other or, they must give poor votes to other males they feel are good looking on purpose, sounds like something testosterone will lead guys to do ...especially when you consider that the ratio of guys to girls on this site is very lopsided. In the animal world, males do similar things to reduce the effectiveness of males they consider their competition and this site allows them to do it clandestinely so I could see that as a reason. I think this is a more plausible reason for the discrepancy than that women are pickier than guys, of course I am only going on my single sample...I'd need the input of other guys to find out what their male vote/ female vote ratio is to know if this theory has any legs. well guys??

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 51 (view)

Can man be happy and safisfied with one woman? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:22:28 PM
YES next question.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

I am lame, I should be out now? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:13:59 PM
Smilee4u, Well the intent of the post was to just wonder if anyone else also felt cool with just being home and not needing to go out to the clubs all the time. I don't ...and this is not in any way a pity post (as some have so far voted it to be) ...just curious if anyone else is just as comfortable being home on a traditional "party night" as I am is all. I agree with your comments though concerning the usefulness of dating sites and of clubs not being good places to meet (which is why I never take/give numbers when I did go to them) and I also agree percentages are way better online.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 101 (view)

35, No Kids, Never Married Posted: 5/31/2008 10:10:28 PM
I am also single, 36 and Never married and like some have echoed the chief reasons have to do with my putting my career above relationships well up to now. In fact that career was possibly responsible for the failure of a 5 year relationship, turned out for the best as I am now able to properly attend to what I want and what my prospective mate needs. You live and you learn. I've recently freed up the time needed to get into a bit more dating so I've bubbled up socially some what...still have the career to attend to though. I think the reasons for someone being single at this stage will vary, for some it is work, for others social issues or both (work induced social issues ;) )you can't paint all of us with the same brush!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

I am "lame", I should be out now? Posted: 5/31/2008 10:03:08 PM
Being of the geeky bent as well as some one who didn't get drunk until his 34th birthday it isn't surprising that I am here on this darn pc instead of out in the city at some club. Truth be told, I have done the club thing a few times since then (2 years ago) and though I was able to have a great time (some of the best of my life) I just don't get the whole club scene. Maybe it is just me, but other than dancing with women and getting "nice" I don't have an outside agenda as it seems many in the club do. Case in point all the cell phone number exchanging going on, I never thought I'd want to see any of those women outside the club, true some respectable women go to them but for the most part, the chronic club hoppers (who make the majority of the club ecosystem) are not my type and I am not theirs so I just don't bother getting or giving my number when I go. I am just curious if anyone else here (male or female) found the club scene tiring fairly quickly (I mean within less than 10 visits) I am now sitting in front of this pc and though part of me could be rubbing on...I mean dancing with strange women in a club right now, most of me just wants to keep on sitting here being "lame" (ie: writing POF posts and reading random wikipedia entries until the sandman calls my name). Anyone else home now being "lame"?

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 320 (view)

are the pay sites scamming us Posted: 5/24/2008 3:21:14 PM
HuggyBear4U wrote: The owners of POF found a niche market where they have the opportunity to make some revenue and sacrificed an attempt to compete with the giants. And POF is certainly entitled to receive their advertising revenue for their investment and effort in creating and maintaining this site. Lets hope this site continues for everyone. You make some very good points in that post, and this quote is one of the best. The owner (one guy named Marcus Frind and his girlfriend operating the site out of their apartment!) is making over a quarter million dollars a month on this site from the free ads...ads which I can't say I ever notice other than when I login. If there is any sign of how much money you can make by having MANY eyes land on a few ads this site is it. There is no need to be greedy and charge for the service since the presence of the users allows you to derive ad revenue. It is exactly like the model that fed broadcast TV for so long, but I digress. The key driver to the success of POF is that relative to other services , providing profiles is dead easy. The technology needed never goes beyond web 1.0 1995...where they add in newer technology (like web chat) they are licensing it from another provider (userplane) but everything else is really easy for a modern box to push out to many thousands of requests per minute. That allows the number of eyes hitting this site to really be huge without requiring a great deal of operating cost and that translates to carts of cash. Also, a huge factor in demanding payment is the need to either get a payment processor (like google check out or paypal) which charge fees proportional to your service charges or implement your own system and get a merchant account. Both are an additional drain on revenue and reduce final profit. If the other services realized they could get similar ad revenue by being free they still wouldn't be able to do it, since unlike this site, it isn't one guy behind the project but a massive corporation which has high paid employees and investors demanding more profit every successive quarter. Gotta love how the internet seems to make the massive people and money advantages of the corporations irrelevant , yes??? This is a cash cow for Marcus now, once the operating costs (which are probably no more than a few thousand dollars a month) are subtracted from revenue everything else is profit. So conceivably , he could set the site on autopilot and just take money so long as people come here to do online dating, and why wouldn't they considering it is free? The perfect set up, he deserves all the success he can get for realizing that you don't have to rip people off to make money in business...in fact online, you can give stuff away and still grow rich!! Links: http://plentyoffish.wordpress.com/2006/06/07/small-companies-google-adsense-is-the-future/ (Marcus' blog about the POF site, note the check for two months and 900,000 + dollars!!) http://www.webpublishingblog.com/exclusive-interview-with-plentyoffishcom-creator-and-owner-markus-frind.htm

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Is any guy NOT into casual sex? Posted: 5/19/2008 2:03:29 PM
I did it once with a friend who fancied me after the break up with my first love. I was only able to be with her one time, I just didn't feel anything from having sex with someone I wasn't interested in having a relationship with. Funny thing is, this girl is someone I had a crush on prior to meeting my first love that I broke up with. That was in 1997, since then I've had casual sex only with one ex. gf all else having been in committed relationships (2 since then). I've had and turned down many opportunities for it in that time from many other women (many in relationships), but I see it as a waste of time. Most of the guys I know would have sex with anything with ovaries and I just never could do that. I think some guys are just more selective than others, I am really selective about many things and sexual partner is a very important one to me. I see sex as something special to be shared with only some one special to me, old fashioned in this day and age! Where others see that as a detriment I see it as an advantage.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 126 (view)

Guilty pleasures Posted: 5/19/2008 10:08:58 AM
@missmelly I love that wide ranging selection of music in your list (I played the Feist song at least 3 times in the background after I read your profile), very nice. By the way and this is not a veiled attempt at trying to woo you it is a completely honest assessment!! you have absolutely gorgeous eyes. I mean, stop the traffic gorgeous. Thanks for making me smile today.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 109 (view)

She is a complete mindf*uck Posted: 5/19/2008 7:53:21 AM
You... (regaining composure) you deserve better than her. You can be weak and take her back and accept the chance that she'll cheat on you again or leave you again. You also take the chance that there will be no drama at all from the alternate guy she put in YOUR life by virtue of your choice to stay with her. And to get this potential misery what did you do? Love !??! Not a fair deal, Love for Misery. like i said: You deserve better than her. Bite your lips, deal with the heart ache, cut her off and continue with the new girl knowing she brings none of the drama of this drama queen. I say this from experience of having fallen for a girl that cheated on me, it only ended after I told her to f-ing leave me alone and cut her off. You have to be able to say that otherwise she'll use her power (your Love) over you to sidle her self into your situation. Does new girl know about this drama with old girl? You either need to tell new girl what is going on NOW or cut old girl off NOW if you are to maintain a level of integrity in this situation as far as I can see. Much success on your choice.

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Interesting encounter Posted: 5/19/2008 7:29:45 AM
@jordanalyssa Maybe you missed the qualification, here it is again in bold. unless you are in a town of a few hundred and are afraid of him trying to find you there is no reason to withhold that information. So it is your prerogative to not divulge it for the reasons mentioned (you are in a small town and you feel apprehension) for the benefit of those that missed the "unless" above. ;) Also, to add on to something another poster said, the fact you don't even have a pic on your profile shows to a guy the possibility that you are hiding something. He may be a regular guy for who the unwillingness to divulge your city was the "straw that broke the camels back" it is 2008, nearly every one has a cell phone and can get a pic online. I could see how the combination of the two factors could lead a guy to just simply write you off, after all aside from the words on your profile he had little other incentive to even register a desire and this is called POF for a reason. ;) I think the reasoned and even tone of my response doesn't deserve the condescension you ladled on in response. "Just a thought for the evening...."

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

Interesting encounter Posted: 5/19/2008 7:21:24 AM
@salamander000 dang, I was prepared for an intelligent response and them mytifeman entered the scene and I lost my mind, for a moment..... hmm....what did I do?

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 80 (view)

Mother tells me im fat Posted: 5/19/2008 6:29:12 AM
Now 98quira, I did stick to the question and brought up some possibilities that exist around why parents might say the things they do, the additional context you so eloquently provided in this follow up post didn't exist in your first post so it is unfair to expect me to have figured out what you wanted by osmosis, yes? Also, there is no "in general" there are only a ton of individual experiences , including mine , which vary. It seems you have already settled on the conclusion based on your small sample of friends that ALL parents have some malicious intent that they can't control regarding how they view body size and I gave you my example to show this is relative. As I said my mother thinks I am a skeleton because I am fit. Science says I am not, so I ignore her. Your conclusion may be true in your limited set of examples (and scientifically you'd still need more evidence to make even that conclusion) but then that can't be extrapolated to some general rule about ALL parents as is implied by your writings. Yes, I know women tend to be more sensitive about their weight than guys and society tends to judge women who fall out of what is deemed fit for their height harshly but I don't think that specific examples numbering in the tens can be used to generalize anything at all about parents on average or in the mean. Mind you I am a scientist and engineer by profession, chopping down problems is what I do for a living , I can't help noticing the observational bias that you are applying in relaying your story. I am not saying you are doing it nefariously but just to point it out! Don't take it personally, from the pics you have on your profile you look very fit...just brush your parents comments off your shoulder and move on, they've obviously got an issue. The objective truth of your fitness is in your BMI, seems you are right on it...trust science and ignore your parents. Problem solved. :yay: Regards,

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 110 (view)

Guilty pleasures Posted: 5/18/2008 7:24:51 PM
running: Love hate relationship. I have to do it tomorrow morning, just about 7 miles of pain..but it feels great after the first 3 miles and even better once it is done! Plus nothing like the doing it while the sun comes up. drawing: though I haven't had much time for it lately, I steal doodles on pads on the side of my keyboard while taking breaks from coding. home baked oatmeal raisin cookies: Every so often I get the craving, and there is no better cookie then the one that is baked from scratch. yummy!

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 448 (view)

Would you leave the dating sites if you got in a serious relationship? Posted: 5/18/2008 7:19:30 PM
the profile would poof immediately, it takes time coming online , reading through posts...time I would rather spend being with my significant other in reality if I were to find her. I'd much rather be posting to dpreview.com or richarddawkins.net as far as forums are concerned anyway. ;)

mytfineman

Joined: 11/21/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

About a girl asking a guy to marry Posted: 5/18/2008 7:13:04 PM
Guys did you ever had your girlfriend asked you to marry her? And if you did, how does it feel? I had a girl I used to have a crush on when I was in HS ask me to marry her when we later were friends in college. In that time we'd become friends but I was quite shocked when she asked me, I felt as if she was asking me because I was "safe", we didn't know one another as well as I would expect to know some one before asking them for something as serious as marriage. I think as long as he feels the same way about you that you feel about him then he will feel elated about being asked and just might say yes! Much success on your attempt!

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