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Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 86 (view)

Threesome when in a committed relationship Posted: 1/21/2009 6:49:01 AM
Been there, done that. Both when in a committed relationship, and as a single woman. Here's what I've discovered from my experiences: There's always an ulterior motive. Either the husband (or wife) is wanting a threesome to have 'permission' to sleep with someone else, or the single woman involved is interested in either the husband or wife for herself. It's never just about sex. There are ALWAYS emotions involved either right from the start, or if it becomes a regular thing, emotions evolve between two of the people in the triad that shouldn't. In my experience, one time it was my husband wanting to have 'permission' to have sex with my 'best friend'. Who... I found out later... was ALREADY sleeping with my husband behind my back. Other times, I was the single woman in the threesome, with a married couple. Again, it was obvious the husband was just wanting 'permission' to sleep with someone else. After the threesome, the husband called me to have a 'private' session without his wife's knowledge. I said no, and told his wife about it. This happened more than once. So yeah, even though I am bisexual, I will NEVER do a threesome ever again.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

Do you believe a woman when she says ... Posted: 1/17/2009 6:50:32 PM
I never pretend to be something that I'm not. Especially just to get a guy's attention. He either likes me as I am, or not. If not, no big deal, there are other fish in the dating pool. That said... I DO like a lot of things that USED to be socially thought of as 'guy things'. Mountain biking, camping, hiking, martial arts, D&D, etc. I'm not into watching sports, though. I'd rather participate in the ones I enjoy.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 39 (view)

Bf unemployed for 4.5 months... Posted: 1/17/2009 6:15:55 PM
What is it with people who just assume they can QUIT their jobs and go back to school, and their S.O.s will pick up everything financially? And then, once school is finished, not get a job right away to help out with the bills? Honey, I went to school FULLTIME (not just one freakin' class), worked 30 hours a week at a restaurant, and was raising a 4-7 year old son on my own during the time I was in college to get my degree. These guys who have no responsibilities and don't get off their ass and take care of their bills just make me sick. Give him a timeline when he has to get a job... any job... and if he doesn't have a job by then, kick his ass out.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 112 (view)

the positive weight thing thread Posted: 1/14/2009 12:05:58 PM
Thank you for this thread. It's taken me a long time to not only accept myself as a BBW, but to actually like myself as a large woman. I guess it's because I did not start to gain weight until I was 25 years old. From age 30 to 35, I gained over 150 pounds due to being in a serious car accident. Afterwards, my mobility was severely limited because of my injuries. I had to give up my profession as a musician, which put me into a severe depression All this caused me to gain weight. For a long time I couldn't look in a mirror, especially one that showed more than my face and shoulders. I was fat, so that meant I was ugly, too. Everywhere I turned society said so... at clothing stores, in magazines, on TV. I wasn't "normal"... I couldn't be sure I would fit in theatre seats, airplane seats, amusement park rides. People became rude, calling me names, making comments about my weight when I passed. Men broke up with me because of my weight. My ego and self esteem were shattered. Finally, I had enough. I started getting involved with groups who were not "fat phobic". I started playing role-playing games, like Dungeons and Dragons. I joined a women's rights group. I discovered online chat. I dated people who were more interested in what I had to say, rather than my body size. I actually discovered people who were attracted to me not "in spite of" my size, but because of it, along with my intelligence and personality. I'm now a happy, healthy, large woman. I like who I am and what I look like. I find my curves sensuous, just as much as my long hair and smooth skin. I've learned how to accept a compliment gracefully, without suspicions of "what do they want?". I've learned to stand up for my right to eat in restaurants, shop for food or clothes, walk down the beach, or sit on a park bench, without being harrassed because of my weight. I confront people who are rude to me. I point out when someone is making a "fat phobic" remark. I am now in much better health than I was after my accident. As such, I can do more physical activity. I have lost about 75 pounds from my top weight, but not because I was trying. Just because I was able to MOVE again. I am now very active, an orange belt in Japanese swordfighting, a Taiko drummer, and best of all, I can play piano and bass and violin again. Most of all, I've learned to love all of me -- body, mind, and soul.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

Ex-con children Posted: 1/13/2009 4:17:15 PM
He is ... black (she & I are both white), a wanna be gangsta rapper I have one word for you, buddy: RACIST Leave the woman alone and find someone who shares your racist values.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Putting a relationship 'on hold' Posted: 1/10/2009 8:41:51 PM
Did he actually say "I want to put our relationship on hold?" If so, it seems to me that it's a way of saying "I want to break up". Now, if he hasn't said that, and you are just looking for ways to get through the several months of separation, yes, it is possible. My parents were engaged for 3 years. My mom was in nursing school in St. Louis, and my dad was in Denver and Omaha for those 3 years. They got married and were together for 32 years before my dad died. So yes, it is possible. You just have to really want it, keep communicating (a lot) while apart, and get together when you can.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 25 (view)

EX Gf wants all the photographs....what do I do? Posted: 1/9/2009 8:14:26 PM
As a professional photographer, I can tell you that unless she signed a model release form, the photos are yours legally. HOWEVER... just burn a damned CD for her and call it even. I can understand why she would want photos of her son. Why are you not just giving her copies of the photos? Sounds petty to me.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

OH WOW !!! Anyone ever ..... Posted: 1/9/2009 10:50:12 AM
Hi. I have some experience with this in my own family. My sister was diagnosed as a schizophrenic in her senior year in college. For over 20 years, I watched her deteriorate from the intelligent, creative, vibrant person I grew up with, to an empty shell whose only activity in life was talking to the voices in her head. She was on medications... several... they only helped partially. I saw her committed several times. I saw her physically deteriorate because of the anti-psychotic drugs she was on, and the really bad side effects they have. She died in June 2007, at the age of 43. The fact that this man never confided in you about his condition is a huge red flag. That means he is probably in denial about his condition, as most mental patients are. If my mom had not made sure my sister took her meds every day, she wouldn't have done it. Do you want to become this man's nurse/keeper/mom for the rest of your life? Also, the fact that his friends or family didn't tell you about this condition, either, is irresponsible and cruel. To let you spend two years of your life getting to know and love who you THOUGHT this man was, when in reality he is NOT that man, and they knew it, is sick. He doesn't care about you, and his friends and family certainly don't care about you. I usually don't like to say this, but I think you have a very valid reason to cut and run. I know it will be hard, because you care for him, but you have to look out for yourself, first and foremost. Don't give up the rest of your life and any chance of happiness to care for someone who is never going to get better, and most likely, will get worse.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Dating Identical Twins Posted: 1/8/2009 8:27:59 AM
I wasn't born in 1935 like maybe perhaps some of you were so how am I supposed to know what the name of countries are called ? Well, I was born in 1960, and I still knew when Persia became Iran. It's called being educated. Or perhaps, doing a simple wikipedia search might help. And that whole 'I call it Persia because Americans are prejudiced against Iranians' excuse is just a bunch of bullsh*t, IMO. Let me get this straight... they are a very close knit family. So much so, that the two brothers, who are in their FIFTIES, ferchristsakes, are still playing immature teenage games of 'let's fool your date and switch a couple of times'. And you want to choose one of these liars... why? And you don't want to cause trouble for anyone? WTF... Lady, if you choose EITHER of these guys, all I can say is that you will get what you deserve. Good luck with that.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Dating Identical Twins Posted: 1/8/2009 8:06:37 AM
I cannot believe this post wasn't deleted. Persia? PERSIA? Lady, before you write up some bullsh*t post, do your history homework. Iran hasn't been referred to as Persia since 1935. Pretty damned old identical twins you're dating, there.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 10 (view)

Calling in help! What do I do!? Posted: 1/8/2009 7:49:00 AM
... she told me last night that she didn't think it'd be a good idea to meet, cause she thought she could really fall for me, and she doesn't think she'd want to get into something like that with someone who will be leaving for 8 months. Am I reading this right? You two haven't even MET in person yet? OP, sometimes timing is such that things just don't work out. It seems this is one of those times. IF you want to look her up in 8 months (if you are coming back to KC and not being shipped overseas), then by all means, do so. But to try to make a relationship with someone you haven't even met yet, when you will be leaving in 3 weeks, is just foolish, in my opinion.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

words as bait Posted: 1/8/2009 7:41:35 AM
"If you have any questions, just ask" and similar forms of non-communication are a great big tip off. I just got a message like that today. It read: "Hello Lady...yes i was looking at your profile. Would like to talk to you. Have any questions please ask..." When I go to look at his profile, it was practically empty. It didn't tell me anything about this guy that would catch my interest at all. I consider people who write 'If you ahve any questions, just ask' to just be lazy, to be honest. If they can't describe themselves, why should I bother asking questions?

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

This ruined my day,,,,,,, Posted: 1/8/2009 6:56:23 AM
Honey, you are NOT huge. Maybe a tiny bit over average, but not much. Now, I am huge. But I do put BBW/Big & Tall in my profile. I had a guy initiate an IM with me here the other day. He says "Can I ask you a question?" Note to self: When someone you don't know asks you that question, say NO. He went on to ask if I'm so active (swordfighting, taiko drumming, biking, swimming, etc), why am I so fat? And when I gave him an honest answer, he basically said I was lying, because I didn't tell him "Oh, because I eat like a pig." Because I don't, I eat way less than most of my 'thin' friends do. Note to self: Rude people don't deserve an answer.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Relationships and paying the bills..... Posted: 1/8/2009 6:31:42 AM
Last time I lived with someone (way back in medieval times), we kept our own separate accounts, and split the bills according to income and responsibilities. I had two kids, so everything for them came out of my income, and the rest of the bills were split out according to percentage of income.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Why meet right away....Lets get to know each other first. Posted: 1/8/2009 6:23:46 AM
Wow, how did anyone ever get to know anyone before email, chatting, and the internet? You can do whatever works for you, OP, but personally, I am not going to waste weeks of my time emailing back and forth with someone before meeting them. I would rather get to know them in person... you know, like in the old days (1980s and before). People can hide a lot behind email and chat. They can't as much when they have to look you in the eye. Besides, I want to get to know the 'whole' person... not just some entity behind a computer screen.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Don't know what to do. Posted: 1/7/2009 7:18:33 PM
Good Lord, you're 56 years old and on't know what to do? Let me break it down for you... I have been dating and intimate with someone I have met on POF for three months. Wow, a whole three months? And you're already having problems? Red flag number 1. We agreeded when we started being intimate that we would not see any one else. We discussed and agreed (at least I thought we did) that we would discontinue our accounts and be exclusive - and we have had this conversation three times. You have had to have this conversation THREE TIMES, and it's still an issue? Red flag number 2. I know that he has continued to be on this site, even when he has told me he hasn't, and I keep hoping that there is some reason, other than going out with other women. So, he's lying to you. Red flag number 3. He has said that he doesn't know how to cancel his site, and would I show him, but he has cancelled his account before - and I feel that if he really meant it, he could find out how to do it. So, he's lying ot you AGAIN. Red flag number 4. I'm not sure if I ready to give up this realtionship yet, but I get really disgusted when I see that he has been on. You're letting his actions dictate your emotions. Red flag number 5. I'm not even sure he really wants to do this, even if he says he does - it's almost like mixed signals. When we are together, it's great. When we are apart, he doesn't call (he says he hates phones), and most of the time I call and plan things. He says he would rather do what I want to do, but sometimes I just feel that he is not interested. I'm just not sure what I want to do - but one thing I'm sure of is that I don't want to be a friend with benefits. Face it... you ARE a friend with benefits. When you only get together occassionally for sex, and the guy has no interest in you between times, that's called 'friend with benefits'. In case you needed a working definition. Face it, OP, he is just not into you. Red flag number 6. Do the grownup thing and call it quits with this guy.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 119 (view)

Credit for Being Normal Posted: 1/7/2009 6:38:01 AM
Sounds like my ex, Chill. I was hospitalized last year with a lung infection. He was great about it, took care of my cat while I was in the hospital, visited me every day. Then, after he broke up with me... not giving me a reason, mind you... a few weeks later, we finally talked. And I had done a lot of thinking about what our relationship was really like. Yeah, he was nice to me, and did things for me. But our relationship was always on /his/ terms. And I told him so, that he had been selfish, only wanting what he wanted out of the relationship. He freaked out, telling me what 'nice guy' he was and listing all the things he had ever done for me. Things any normal human being who cared about someone would do. Come to find out two months after we broke up that he lied to me and was cheating on me throughout the relationship. Yeah, really nice guy! I think he was 'doing' all those 'nice things' so I wouldn't be suspicious.. and it worked! I was completely taken by surprise when he broke up with AND when I found out the truth about him. You're better off without this guy, Chill. You need to focus you your health and your kids and don't need anyone around who is selfish and self-absorbed.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 205 (view)

Can a man be too tall to date? Posted: 1/6/2009 8:55:45 PM
Why doe sit seem like the super-tall guys (over 6'4") always go for short women? As a tall woman, I see it over and over again. Tall guys seem to prefer short girls. My brother is 6'6" and he went through a phase where he would only date very short (5' - 5'3") Asian or Hispanic women only. I don't mind dating guys shorter than me... say, about 5'7" and up (I'm 5'10"). But I've rarely dated a really tall guy. I did date a guy once who was 6'8". That was great, because I could wear 4" heels and not tower over him. So, taller men... go out with taller women! Problem solved! :)

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

What is the best way to let go? Posted: 1/4/2009 5:15:46 PM
I completely understand where you are coming from, Neil. My last relationship ended six months ago. It was the first serious, longterm relationship I had been in, in eight years. I really thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this guy. Then, it ended, abruptly and very painfully. I was a mess for two months afterwards. The only thing I found that helped was to stay VERY busy. I started working out six days a week, doubling up on my swordfighting classes, riding my bike a lot, going to new social events with meetup groups, and things like that. Do I still think about him sometimes? Yes. But it is much easier now with some time and distance. That said, the holidays were very hard on me, and I thought about him a lot more than I should have. Comparing the holidays of last year to this year, that kind of thing. But I figure if I get past the 'first' holidays, birthdays, etc without him without becoming a sobbing wreck, I am doing OK. And I am doing well, and really enjoying my life. Do I still miss him sometimes? Yes, even though what I miss isn't really HIM... but the relationship. I hope this all makes sense and that you can find some closure, and make a great life for YOURSELF, no one else.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 94 (view)

Anyone else think Dating someone with a previous Drug Addiction is a BAD idea?! Posted: 1/4/2009 9:33:52 AM
I lived with someone who was a former heroin addict... he had been clean for several years before we met. I also seriously dated an alcoholic who had been sober for our entire relationship. I would never date a former drug addict or reformed alcoholic again. Just because someone sobers up, does not mean they have resolved the issues that led to the drug or alcohol use in the first place. The person I dated who was a sober alcoholic was a 'dry drunk'... even though they went to AA. I finally could not deal with their unresolved issues anymore. The person I lived with who was a former herion addict had serious psychological problems, that didn't come out until after we were living together. It was those problems that led them to use drugs, to kill the pain, as it were. I do have respect for anyone who overcomes any type of addiction. But that person needs to be sure that they have resolved ALL of the issues related to their addiction before becoming involved in a relationship. And that includes whatever led them to using in the first place.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

Logistics...when you're both homeowners...and have lives! Posted: 1/3/2009 1:30:38 PM
Personally, I think she's being completely unreasonable. When two adults have their own homes and their own lives (especially when they don't live close to each other), then moving in together has to be a very well-thought-out proposition. In my last relationship, we were seriously talking about having me move in with him. We lived about 10 miles apart. I had just bought a mobile home that I had renovated, and really love. So, we sat down and figured out a plan so that we would buy a parcel of land in the mountains and move my home there for a vacation house. That way, we could both keep the things we wanted, and live together comfortably. We decided which furniture would come with me to his house, which of his would go into the vacation house. Of course, the plan never materialized, as we broke up before I moved in (thankfully).

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Do men have a clue? Posted: 1/2/2009 7:29:14 AM
Girl: Sure!... Dinner with you Fri. evening sounds nice. Anyplace in mind? Guy: Great!... Let's go to a great Italian Restaurant I know of! Girl: Nooo... I don't do Italian. Guy:Ok... let's do French, there's a great place that's just opened! Girl: Nope.. don't do French either. Guy:Hmm.. ok... Mexican? Girl: Nah... doesn't agree with me. Guy:Well...ok... where would YOU like to go? Girl: Meh... idk.... don't you have any other ideas ??? Guy: ... I'm a vegetarian and I am not even that picky! I basically tell guys when they suggest meeting for dinner or lunch that I can do anything except a steak house or BBQ joint. Just about every other type of restaurant has at least ONE vegetarian dish on their menu. To the OP, I think you're being a bit harsh. Personally, I wouldn't want a man to decide everything about our first date. I want to have some input into where we are going and what we might be doing. The days of 'Yes dear, whatever you want, dear' are thankfully about 50+ years behind us. I don't mind a guy being a gentleman, opening a door for me, etc., but to be dictated to about where and when we'll go out? Heck no.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 29 (view)

Did I Overreact?? Posted: 12/31/2008 3:48:02 PM
Hey... I got the exact same two messages from some guy a few weeks ago. I blocked the idiot. He's obviously making the rounds on POF.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

I don't think much of people who do this Posted: 12/28/2008 12:20:55 AM
Are we talking about someone who is a bit neurotic or someone who has a serious mental illness? I watched my sister go from a vibrant, talented young woman to an empty shell over a 21 year period because of her schizophrenia. I would never get involved in a relationship with someone who was mentally ill after having to care for my sister for so long. I just could not deal with it emotionally, mentally, or physically again. Not to mention financially. And if you think mental disorders are 'just labels assigned by some wackjob pseudo-doctor', then go check out the psychiatric floor of any local hospital. Spend a couple of hours with the patients there, and then come back and tell us how mental disorders are not real.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

He found me this easy, Posted: 12/23/2008 6:12:28 AM
People don't realize what kind of information is on the internet, public for all to see, and perfectly legal for strangers to look up. I am a volunteer adoption searcher. I help people who were adopted find their birth family, and birth parents or siblings find the adopted family member. If I can find someone whose birth certificate has been falsified and whose adoption records are sealed by simply looking up publicly available information on the internet, then any weirdo/creep/stalker type can find anyone that makes their name available on the internet. Here's some examples of publicly available information on the internet: Birth indexes Marriage and divorce indexes Criminal records Drivers license information Car registration information Civil court records Tax records Voter information Social Security Death Index (searching for someone who has already died) Professional Licenses City directories And much, much more. Personally, I don't have a home phone number, only a cell number, so people cannot find me in a telephone directory. I do own a home and a car, so they could find me that way, if they were resourceful about it. As for the guy who sent you the flowers, tell him how creepy it was, no matter how well-intentioned, and break all contact with him.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Does he really not understand my need to have him call? Posted: 12/21/2008 9:06:01 AM
He tells me that he wants to be with me whenever I am available. So, he has communicated with you that he enjoys spending time with you. What's the problem? I call him, he calls, generally we get together at his place as I have my 19 year old granddaughter living with me and finishing her last year of high school. So, he DOES call you. Your first post made it sound like he NEVER calls. What's the problem? I guess my issue is that he is out of town visiting his son for the holidays. He has been gone 3 days and I have had two text messages and one call. He's called you and texted you in the three days he's been gone so far. How many times does the man have to call you for you to feel 'appreciated'? Can you say 'needy'? The man is calling you! What's the problem? He wanted pictures of me so that he could share his new "lady" with his family when he visited. Am I the new lady? Am I just new company? Am I a pain in the behind? LOL bangs her head against the wall You know, people who over-analyze everything in a relationship drive me insane. He TOLD you you are his new lady. Send him the photos! What's the problem?

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 248 (view)

Embarrassing question-whipping it out inappropriately Posted: 12/18/2008 7:57:47 PM
I had this happen once, and it wasn't even on a date. When I was in my 30s, I ran my own resume-writing service. A client comes over, I'm sitting down and on the computer, working on his resume. He's standing behind me. Then he comes up beside me with his d*ck out, and nudges it towards my face! My teenage son and his friends were right in the other room, too. I told that jerk "What in the HELL do you think you're doing?" I told him to leave immediately, and if he didn't, he would have to deal with my football player son and his friends. He was smart enough to leave immediately. Come to find out, he had done that with a couple of other women I knew, too.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 62 (view)

older guys with younger children Posted: 12/18/2008 5:58:52 PM
I was in a relationship with a 41 year old man who had a 5 year old daughter. My children were all grown (and still are!). One of the things we liked about our relationship was that I 'got it' about him being a single parent, and had already been through the childrearing that he was now going through... I had a perspective he appreciated. I was very close to his daughter, and loved her unconditionally. After that relationship ended, I swore I would not get into a serious relationship with a man who had young children. Not because I don't enjoy children (I do), but when the relationship ends, you also lose the relationship you had with your ex's children. And THAT is heartbreaking, not only for the adults involved, but for the children as well. So personally, my answer would be no. I was a single parent for 18 years, and admire single parents, both moms and dads, who have the hard job of raising children alone.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Unicorn pendant christmas gift - good idea? Posted: 12/15/2008 7:18:54 PM
I think that's quite romantic. Personally, I prefer silver. Do you know what type of jewelry she normally wears? Some women are allergic to gold, which is why I'm bringing it up. Some really nice silver ones here. Just FYI. http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_jw?url=search-alias%3Djewelry&field-keywords=unicorn+pendant Damn, now I might have to get one for myself!

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 79 (view)

Meeting at your/his house on first date Posted: 12/14/2008 10:08:39 PM
NEVER meet at a private residence the first time you are meeting someone! I can understand why your brother got upset. Even though you might have been messaging online for months, YOU DO NOT KNOW THIS PERSON. Always meet in a well-lit, public place. Always tell someone you know where you will be and any information you have about the person you are meeting (name, phone number). Sad to say, that in our society it is ignorant to trust any stranger. And what is with this meeting at some guys' house or your house for a first date, anyway? When I was younger, that was completely unheard of. Go out, in public, and get to know the person for at least the first FEW dates before being alone with him.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Dressing?? Posted: 12/14/2008 1:39:26 PM
I want him to dress for the occassion. If it's a casual date, jeans are fine. All I want is the guy to be: 1. Clean and smelling nice 2. Well-groomed (trim those nose hairs, guys!) 3. Wearing clothes that don't look faded or dingy or have holes in them.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

My Best Friends Brother, Not Sure What To Think Posted: 12/12/2008 6:57:58 AM
Ask yourself this question: If I start dating her brother, and it /doesn't/ work out between us, how will that change my relationship with my best friend? If it ends badly between you and her brother, you'll lose your friendship with his sister, most likely. Is it worth that risk?

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

phone sex before meeting in person Posted: 12/9/2008 7:04:01 AM
Stephanie, Stephanie, Stephanie... If you are looking for a longterm relationship, having phone sex with a guy you haven't even met is not the way to get what you want. This guy is going to expect that you will be eager to jump into bed with him. Why? Because in a sense, you already have. Also, as one BBW to another... We have to be even more careful about not letting men think we are 'easy'. Why? Because there is a myth perpetuated that BBWs are so 'desperate' for a man that they are easy to get into bed. Consider this a lesson learned. NO phone sex or intimate conversation before meeting. I guarantee you, if you do meet this guy in person, he will be expecting sex on the first date. LS

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

I love you, but don't really love you Posted: 12/8/2008 5:42:51 PM
In any stage of a relationship, I think that means "I love you (as a friend) but am not IN love with you." If someone said that to me, they would be out the door in a heartbeat. Life is too short to waste on a relationship with someone who isn't in love with you.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Moving and Dating At the Same Time Posted: 12/8/2008 5:21:49 PM
I think it really depends on the situation. I moved from Florida to Colorado 3 years ago. I had a job waiting for me, and had rented out a room while I got settled. I was definitely ready to date from the moment I arrived in Colorado. Now, I have met people (men and women) who are chronically unemployed and only 'date' to find someone to support them. It's pretty obvious who they are (like your example number one). However, with the aging population we have these days, I don't discount someone just because they are caring for elderly parents, whether they sold and moved back home or they moved their parents in with them. That's just the way of life, especially for those my age and older. I'm wondering what I'm going to do when my mom can't live by herself anymore. I do NOT want to move back to Houston. So I have been trying to convince her to move out here, on her own, before she /needs/ help.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 191 (view)

STOOD UP by a P.O.F. MEMBER Posted: 12/7/2008 3:16:44 PM
I know for sure the guy didn't show because we were supposed to meet at my house. Sweety, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER give a guy your address that you don't even know! That is just plain asking for trouble. There's another thread in this forum about a woman who did just that, and the guy turned out to be a real creep. Personally, I don't let a guy know where I live until I have built up a certain level of trust in him. Three years ago, I let a guy come over for a first date to pick me up (we didn't meet online, it was in person), and I was raped. It was a very harsh lesson to learn. Don't forget that while you're here to meet someone, you have to do it safely!

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 35 (view)

BBW vs A few extra pounds? Posted: 12/7/2008 12:30:53 PM
I see you've changed yoru profile to BBW. Good for you! I read your profile and I really liked it. However, I would take out all the sexual and BDSM references. You'll just attract guys who are only looking to get laid. Unless, of course, that's what you want. ALL guys like sex and MOST guys are willing to try a little kink. It doesn't need to be advertised. From another proud BBW! :)

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 408 (view)

Why do guys put DIVORCED when they SEPARATED... Posted: 12/6/2008 9:45:35 AM
My last relationship was with a guy who lied about being divorced. We really hit it off, everything was wonderful. Three weeks later, he says, "I have something to tell you... I'm not /quite/ divorced yet." At that point, I didn't care, as the divorce was happening that week. BUT... he lied to me. He apologized and seemed truly sorry for having lied to me. Come to find out, it was the first lie of many. Not only was he not divorced, but he had already been involved with someone else... and continued to be involved with her while we were in a 'serious' relationship. And then, he cheated on me yet again with another woman. And all during our relationship, of course, I was being supportive of his ex-wife drama. I didn't find all this out until AFTER we split up. We were together for a year, I had grown to love his daughter like my own, and we were seriously talking about moving in together. The breakup was a shock, and traumatic. When I learned the truth, it was even more of a shock. I had my heart ripped out by this guy. The one thing I've learned from all this is that there are no 'little' lies. If someone is lying to you at the start of a relationship, they are a LIAR. Run away, far away. Because of this experience, I will never date a guy who is separated ever again. And if someone has a psycho ex, I'm not getting involved in that drama, either. I'd rather remain single the rest of my life than deal with liars or drama.

Lady_Samurai

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/5/2008 5:36:01 AM
OK, I also changed my username on suggestion from someone else. And my profile has been updated with everyone's changes, including new photos. Please let me know what you think now, good or bad!

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/4/2008 4:07:11 PM
OK, OK! I get the point. I replaced them with regular photos that were taken on Thanksgiving.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/4/2008 3:43:28 PM
Thanks for the suggestions. I did redo my profile. Although, I haven't removed any of the photos yet. I just had those lingerie photos taken this past weekend, and I was so happy with how they turned out, I just wanted to share! But yeah, they might be sending the wrong message. Although, going by the ratings on my photos, most guys here think I'm a dog, anyway. :P

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/4/2008 3:41:42 PM
Thanks for the input! I have taken some of your suggestions and updated my profile. Let me know what you think. I put in a brand new title. Also, I did get rid of the 'adores BBWs'. You're right, my photo is up there, if they like the big girl types they will know. By the way,did #3 mean 'get rid of the sexy shot with the sword' or just a general comment about it? Yeah, the attitude towards smokers is a bit intense. I have a genetic lung condition, so I'm a bit rabid about that one particular issue. It's a definite deal-breaker for me. I didn't know how to elaborate on my interests without getting too wordy. I just added some of my history that I thought might be interesting.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/4/2008 12:23:27 PM
Doesn't anyone have a comment? Come on, I can take it.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

Kind of new here, and would like some critiques Posted: 12/4/2008 11:12:21 AM
I've been here a couple of weeks (maybe a month?), and I haven't gotten many responses to my profile at all. Not even many views, to speak of, compared to other sites I have been on. Can y'all tell me what I can do to improve my profile? Thanks.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 504 (view)

for the ladies....can you TRULY say money ain't a factor? Posted: 12/4/2008 10:01:49 AM
Yes, money is a factor for me. Because I don't want to be supporting some guy who has no ambition to better himself. I have worked hard to get to where I am, and make a decent living. That doesn't mean I have to date someone who makes as much as I do. But he has to be able to support himself. I have been in positions before, when dating someone, when they ask me for money to help pay their rent, bills, for an emergency, etc. I will never put myself in that type of situation again. Now, if I am in a longterm relationship and living with someone, that changes things. Because then we share expenses, and I would be more than happy to help pay for things that we both want.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 131 (view)

religion in a relationship...deal breaker? Posted: 12/4/2008 9:30:06 AM
Yeah, religion is a deal breaker for me. I'm an atheist, and if someone is uber-religious (goes to church every Sunday type of thing), I know that we are not going to last for the long-term. While I respect others' beliefs, I have had enough experience with guys who claim to be 'true Christians', that I know they are not worth my time. For one thing, most of them are hippocrits, like the guy you dated seems to be. Secondly, it ALWAYS comes down to 'why won't you go to church with me? just once? It's not going to kill you...' See, they want me to respect their beliefs, but they don't respect my right to NOT believe. I seem to have much more success with people who do not practice one of the three major religions (christianity, judaism, islam). Wiccans, Buddhists, and others seem much more tolerant of my non-beliefs.

tallboulderbbw

Joined: 11/24/2008

Msg: 322 (view)

Grandma, show us your new tattoo! Posted: 12/4/2008 8:56:49 AM
I just got my first tattoo in July at age 47. I got my second tattoo in October. Yes, I am addicted, I think! My son is a tattoo artist and he has been asking me for years what I wanted for him to tattoo. I finally figured out something I'd want to have on me forever. My two tattoos are on my upper arms, and are kanji symbols. I am an orange belt in Japanese swordfighting, which I started taking about 18 months ago. So the tattoos actually have some meaning for me, and are not done on just a whim. My third tattoo will be a katana (japanese sword) to go behind the first kanji tattoo I got. I also am a former musician, and I will be getting a couple of music-inspired tattoos next year as well.

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