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 Author Thread: How to stay off Facebook...
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
How to stay off Facebook...
Posted: 3/11/2013 6:00:18 AM
You're not addicted to Facebook, you're addicted to wanting to know what all the people on your friends list are doing and saying. Try paring down your friends list to only those who are important to you, who you would WANT to hear from frequently, and who actually have something interesting to say. If your list is full of people you went to grade school with, who you worked with 10 years ago, or who are friends of friends of friends who only friended you to get their friend count up, delete all of them. Quality,not quantity.

If the people who "only" communicate with you via Facebook don't hear back from you, and if it IS important for them to hear back from you, they'll use regular email or the phone.

And, use a little logic. People still get engaged and married, even if you don't read about it on Facebook. It's going on anyway. So what's the big deal about reading it on Facebook?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
New to dating websites. Need advice
Posted: 3/10/2013 9:05:40 AM
It's not about the time frame, it's about the level of enthusiasm shown by the person you messaged. If she seems lukewarm in her reply(ies) then it's probably not the right time to press for a phone number. If she keeps replying but still lukewarm, she might be interested but is a poor communicator. You might try, after a few emails, to give her your number and suggest that she give you a call if she would like to talk on the phone.

If she's very enthusiastic in her emails to you, it's probably safe to ask if she wants to move to phone talking. It's been my experience many times that the guy gives me his number and tells me to give him a call if I feel ready. That means more to me than him just asking for my number so he can call me.

If things seem to be going well and moving forward but then she freaks out if you ask to talk on the phone, she's probably nuts.

Basically, if it's a day or two of good emails, go ahead. If, after several days or a week or so and you don't get the warm and fuzzy "call me" vibe, then it's probably best to move on. There is no time frame rule.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
contact
Posted: 3/9/2013 6:28:07 PM
That's the problem with that whole ****buddy concept. It only works when both partners feel no emotions for the other person and have no expectations of anything when they're done ****ing. It's an empty, void relationship of nothing but ****ing.

If one partner has feelings for the other and lets him or her **** him or her because it's better than no contact at all, then it's almost guaranteed that they're going to walk away from the whole thing feeling "used"....even though they encouraged it and allowed it under the other one's terms all along.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Advice Needed?
Posted: 3/9/2013 6:16:59 PM
Glad it's all working out, OP :)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Was he a player?
Posted: 3/9/2013 3:00:03 PM

I don't get why he would join a social group an hour from home when there are ones in his hometown.


This one's easy. It's because he's already creeped out all the women in his hometown, so he now has to travel to where no one knows him.....yet. LOL
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Advice Needed?
Posted: 3/9/2013 2:52:26 PM
I am curious as to exactly what the OP means by "shave" down there. Do you mean every bit totally shaved bald or would a trim suffice? And even "trim" could mean many things, from just cutting all the hair back to a shorter length to shaving some areas completely and trimming the rest, to leaving just a landing strip.....or whatever.

Keeping it totally shaved is kind of rough for many of us. It can cause horrible razor burn, rashes, ingrown hairs and really intense itching. There are products on the market to ease this, but they really never worked for me, I got the ingrown hairs and itching anyway.

I always liked the sticky wax strips, had the best results with those. Nair for bikini areas worked pretty well, too. But shaving....ugh.

I will close by saying that I also believe that a real man never asks a woman to do something he wouldn't be willing to do himself, just sayin' :)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Question for the ladies...
Posted: 3/8/2013 5:48:04 AM
She doesn't have the ambition to hold down or look for a job or a home of her own, why would she have it to try to maintain a relationship?
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
I need a womans help here
Posted: 3/5/2013 5:50:28 AM
Instead of trying to fill the void in your heart with an old habit that didn't work out after eight years, fill it by working on yourself. Go to therapy if you have to, figure out why you treated her the way you did and why you were willing to settle for someone who really didn't make you happy and who you didn't really make happy.

Grow up, cut your losses, move on.....and next time, think about what you say and mean it before you say it. Now you know you sometimes get what you ask for. If you do find another "friend" like her, treat her like someone you want to keep this time.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
My cat
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:42:37 AM
Thank you to those who posted Rainbow Bridge and the St. Francis prayer. I cry every single time I read Rainbow Bridge...even now, lol. I truly believe there absolutely is a heaven for all animals and I cannot wait to see all my old and dear friends again there someday.

Taking your pet to be put down is the most loving final gift you can ever give it. It's very quick and painless and it allows them the dignity of a peaceful death. Animals are very accepting and understanding of the cycle of life and death. You did the right thing.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I've been through it many times, and will go through it many more times before my own life is over, I'm sure.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Please Help--I'm confused about American Weddings (the gifts!)
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:35:26 AM
Not only do registries give the suggestions of what the bride wants and needs, they are also supposed to mark off or delete from the list the gifts that have already been bought by others so duplicating doesn't happen.

As someone else said, in this day and age in this country, a gift card is always welcome, and some people prefer them. That way, if there was a gift that they were hoping to receive, but did not, then they can use that card to buy it for themselves.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 21 (view)
 
I need your help
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:27:59 AM
She liked you and wants to go out with you again. She would not have texted you to say this if she was not interested. She said 'sometime" so you wouldn't think she was being pushy and demanding. She was doing what we call "putting the ball in your court", which means "I want you to ask me out again, please!' :)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 24 (view)
 
appearances
Posted: 3/4/2013 5:19:44 AM
Make-up isn't supposed to be a decoration to attract the opposite sex. It's supposed to be applied in a way to tastefully highlight your good features and minimize flaws to make you feel good about yourself, which usually has the benefit of attracting the opposite sex. But what constitutes good features and flaws is subjective, and it's still the decision of the wearer whether or not she wants to highlight, minimize, or wear make-up at all.

Bottom line is to just be yourself.

The impression I get in here is that a full-body pic of a good figure will WAY out-trump a head shot in full make-up, lol. I see a lot of guys with skinny girls who have faces that aren't exactly what I would call attractive....
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Are we wannabe councilors or just really bored
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:40:50 AM
Because I like to write and I think I give great advice, lol. Many of you will probably disagree and that's fine. It's not an ego thing, it's just a little bit of fun.

I've thought about blogging. Or, if I could find a less-restrictive forum to post in, I'd jump into it. Seems here, a lot of people, and moderators, prefer blandness, coddling, and repetition to a little bit of humor or a strong, no-nonsense opinion about a topic that is posted.

So, to answer the question, yes, maybe I am a counsellor-wannabe AND a little bored, lol.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
How to speak to my sister?
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:31:45 AM
This sounds like some left over sibling rivalry where you let her "have" you doing everything she should be doing and you martyr yourself by doing it. You say you don't want to confront her about her responsibilities because, oh dear, an argument will break out. So instead, you make your point by being passive-aggressive, running around and doing as much of the work as you can, hoping she'll feel guilty.

I commend you for your part in trying to help out, and the daughter's needs do come first, but you need to find a balance between helping and enabling. Set some boundaries and rules and stick to them, stop trying to carry the burden all yourself. Decide what NEEDS to be done for survival and leave the rest undone.

It takes two people to have a fight. Simply tell her, calmly, what SHE NEEDS to be doing, thank her, and walk away.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Any advice? Erectile Dysfunction.
Posted: 2/12/2013 6:11:40 AM
Instead of a urologist, see an endocrinologist. If your testosterone levels have tested as being low at times, but normal levels other times, there might be a problem with the body systems that regulate hormone production. Urologists cover the kidney/bladder/urine production systems, they're not as specially trained in hormone production as an endocrinologist would be. And there might be problems with other sex hormones along with it.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Sex Face
Posted: 2/10/2013 10:17:30 AM
If your eyes are open and you're lucid enough to be studying his face and making opinions about it......he's doing something wrong.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 27 (view)
 
How do you battle your own insecurities in new relationships?
Posted: 2/10/2013 10:13:58 AM
Insecurities are usually based on past experience. You can also use that resource to teach yourself that, even if it does all go south, you will not die, the sun will come up tomorrow, your life will be (or should be) fine even though he won't be in it, and someone new ALWAYS comes along.

Not meant to sound flip, I am really serious. I'm insecure and panicky as hell when I start out in a new relationship for exactly the reasons you posted in the OP. But I have reached a point where I've just learned to take a deep breath and remind myself that it is what it is and it will be what it will be. Life and dating has been a lot easier since then, lol.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
being to harsh?
Posted: 2/10/2013 7:14:48 AM
No, it's not too harsh to expect people to keep their promises. In fact, it's not too harsh to expect people to follow the constitution, the owner's manuals, employee handbooks,the speed limit, federal, state and local laws as well as all of the Ten Commandments.

But they don't. Life goes on. No sense getting that hostile and worked up over it. There's not one person on this site who hasn't experienced what you just did and we all will experience it again.

It's the nature of the beast, one of the side effects of constant connectivity and social media. When you spend a bunch of time texting (it used to be chat room chatting) beforehand, you build up an expectation in your own mind of what it's going to be like. Then you meet them in real life and you find out the picture you made in your mind is nowhere near what reality is. And the picture she made in her mind wasn't what she found when she met you. But it's easier to make promises and say nice things to your face to avoid a confrontation and just ignore you later. Trust me, it happens ALL the time. It sucks, but it's not going to stop, it will happen again.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk/ette
Posted: 2/10/2013 7:00:29 AM
Yeah, I do think you're talking about apples and oranges here, though your intent was good. The problem lies with many people being on their best behavior until they get what they want, then the true colors come out. Besides that, when sex enters into a relationship, things have a way of changing, whether you mean or want them to or not.

In other words, the theory is good behind the passage from the book that you posted, but it still really isn't a guarantee of long-lasting marital bliss.

Another point is, at least for me, by the time you realize they're a jerk, you're already in love with them, for the reasons stated above, and also because of that love being blind thing that happens when you're in that twitterpated stage where you don't see or don't want to see the negativity that was there all along. Postponing sex isn't going to keep you from falling in love with them.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Favorite documentary?
Posted: 2/5/2013 6:49:20 AM
There's a good one out there, I got it from Netflix, about Arlington National Cemetery in Washington DC. The part I found most intriguing is the part about those chosen to be the 24/7 guards, their selection, their training, etc. They're actually a very elite group. And of course, a lot of historical and emotional information about the cemetery itself, what it takes to be interred there, support groups for the widows so that no one ever goes through the burial of a loved one alone. It's a good watch.

Paul Williams, wow. I had a huge crush on him many years ago. He was kind of a mini John Denver, lol. Very talented and probably underappreciated man, I agree.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
Common 'run for the hills' lines you hear
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:15:29 AM
"Want to help me put on my ointment?"

"Mind if we make a stop before dinner? I have to bail Mom out again."

"Dang, missed!" (After swerving towards a small animal in the road.)

"Want a beer? Right behind my seat, I left one for ya! Just throw those ones under your feet in the back"
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Whats with the fear of the words I wanna get to know you
Posted: 2/3/2013 9:11:30 AM
I'm not sure what the definition of "ex" is. Is an ex someone you just dated a few times, someone you had a committed relationship with, someone you actually were engaged or married to? For me, in 30 years (ugh) I only have 2 "exes", and I was married to each of them. All the others are just someone I used to know, or a friend I used to date.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Dating when not established
Posted: 2/3/2013 8:00:52 AM
I understand that you are, that was the point. People will make a judgement without getting to know you. YOU know you're self-sustaining, but a lot of potential dates will shy away. It's really part of the nature of online dating. Many people are looking for the perfect boyfriend or girlfriend and don't want to take the time to get to know the real person. They make checklists of must-have's, and if you don't meet those requirements, they will move on. As opposed to real life, people usually get to know the real you and form an attraction on your personality and looks, rather than checking off a checklist.

Personally, I consider "self-sustaining" as a positive trait, regardless of how someone gets there (legally and morally, lol). Perhaps you are presenting your situation as something to be ashamed of? It's not......Maybe just state your employment as "I'm working at XXXX as a XXXXX'er and I do YYYY part-time to make ends meet. My goal is to someday be doing ZZZZZ...." and so on. Don't say, "Oh, I'm only doing this and this, wish I was more established...."
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Dating when not established
Posted: 2/3/2013 7:27:16 AM
It's not the ability to have a relationship, it's how appealing you seem for someone to want to be in a relationship with you. (Using generic "you", not directed only at the OP)

It may be unfair, but people do consider things like, "ooh, she/he's not employed, now I'm going to have to pay for everything, maybe they'll get kicked out of their home and expect to move in with me, what if they lose their car and expect me to haul them around everywhere....."

People will draw their own conclusions and unfortunately, you can't do anything about that.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Misunderstanding & remedy
Posted: 2/3/2013 7:14:26 AM
If you apologized and asked to speak again, that's all you can do at this point. It's up to him now to decide if he wants to continue in a relationship with someone so insecure, selfish and demanding who can't even give him a few days of peace while he's sick.

Take this time to do some self-exploration....not the "what else can I do to get what I want?" kind, but rather, the "what did I do wrong here and what can I do to ensure that I mature enough to never want to treat a gracious and generous guy like this ever again?" kind. You need to start establishing YOURSELF and getting" together" as he has so that you can be a mature partner, not the person you described.

Don't try to salvage and make amends, that's just being manipulative. He already called you when he felt better and let you know his feelings were hurt, and rightly so. It's up to him now. Learn from this and work on yourself.

Wow, I just read the replies above me.....good lord, they only dated two weeks. The he gets sick, and if he had the flu or that stomach virus that's going around, either of those will knock you on your butt. The last thing you're going to do is worry about texting someone that you've only known for 2 weeks! And also....no one can "make" you feel insecure unless you let them. Especially after dating for only 2 weeks.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
need a little advice..
Posted: 2/2/2013 4:26:36 PM
Geez, tunnelvision? Too late for coffee, oh gee, we can't get together now......

How about a pizza? A beer and nachos? Walk around the mall and stop at the food court? Does it have to be coffee or nuthin'???
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Common 'run for the hills' lines you hear
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:18:51 AM
"I still love my ex-wife, but I had to let her go for her own safety because the mob found out the address of our secret location and were 12 hours away from killing her. No, it's not my real name, it's "a" name."

And I did not make that one up.

"I belong to a spanking club and give discipline to girls who need it. Thought you might like to come along with me."

"I know you're overweight, but I'm still attracted to you."

"I'm going to have these two appetizers, a huge entre, and a sandwich with fries on the side. You can just get a sandwich."

"Can you tell me how to put on eyeliner?"
(Actually, I forgave that one. He was a member of a professional opera company and needed to wear the make-up onstage. He was immensely grateful for the tips I gave him.)

 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 2/2/2013 8:11:42 AM
Not feeling picked on, STubidoo, but read the countless threads in here about guys who couldn't wait to score and then left as soon as he did. And then there's always personal experience and observation...... When the majority seems to have the same opinion about something, there usually is some basis of truth to it.

I tried knitting once, but I kept dropping stitches...... :P
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Question about manners.
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:29:24 PM
Just open it. Chances are he'll be right behind you and will catch it and finish opening it anyway.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Opening the Door for Sexual talk
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:20:22 PM
My gut is telling me that as soon as you do have sex with him, he'll be gone the next day. I also think you should just drop him. If he can't respect you now, how much less respect is he going to have for you in six months, a year, etc.?

I have to disagree with the notion that you can't even say something with a sexual overtone without the expectation that you're now ready to jump into bed. To me, it means it's in the cards, but it's not happening right now. It's something I'm thinking about it and will probably want to do it soon, but I don't want to do it right now.

I don't even have a problem with him making an advance every now and then, but the OP said he was now constantly trying, which would get old really fast for me if I'd made it clear that I'm not ready YET.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Who viewed me shows an ex with a history of stalking my online presence.
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:58:34 AM
The "Meet Me" means nothing. It's more like bait to get people to look at each other's profiles. Many people start threads saying they sent emails to people who supposedly wanted to meet them, and almost never get replies back.

I would just ignore the ex and live your life. I'm not trying to analyze, but I can't help thinking that, if it's been 9 years now and you've been available online to look at, if she wanted to do harm, she would have by now.

I've "stalked" my ex from time to time. No big deal, it's just good to at least know where they are, lol. Other than that, hey, if it's online, it's free game. We don't see the thumbnail and think, "Yikes, that's my ex!! Don't look! Don't look!" We look. That's all.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 6 (view)
 
the thin line between aloof or clingy
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:49:33 AM
She moved away, and, not surprisingly, she was homesick, worried about the unknown future in a new town, and clinging to her past for comfort. Then she started settling in and realized everything would be okay where she was. Best thing is to do like she's doing, continue on with your life and meet some new people. If it's meant to be, she'll be back in a year, you both will have grown, and you can see where you are then.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Loud 'POP' during sex!
Posted: 2/1/2013 6:45:19 AM
Google "Peyronie's Syndrome". It's a possibility....or not.....but only a doctor can tell for sure.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Worst dating advice in the world
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:24:04 AM
I agree with many of the posts already here.

I hate those "Rules" that pop up in here all the time, like the "3-day rule", "play hard to get", etc. Like there is a certain protocol everyone must follow to assure that they will get what they want. In reality, every person, every personality, every relationship progression is different.

Not sure how to make it happen, but folks need to develop thinking and perception skills instead of relying on a single set of "rules". And then tailor their actions and reactions to each individual case.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Have you ever found 'that one profile'
Posted: 1/31/2013 7:14:59 AM
I do have a story that goes along with this thread topic. It's not about me, though, it's about my son. He had gotten married 4 years ago, it didn't work out after a few months. About a year after the dust had settled, he was still a little mopey and discouraged, saying he couldn't imagine ever meeting a woman locally he could really fall for. It was late, and I decided to log in here and look at the women's profiles in his demographic just to see what was in his demographic, lol.

Well, "that one profile" jumped out of the screen at me. The looks, the description just floored me she sounded so perfect for him. I knew my son would never go near a dating site, lol, so I thought about it for awhile, went into crazy inappropriate mom mode, and decided to do it. I wrote to this girl, stressing how weird I knew this was and probably not cool at all, BUT, blah blah blah. Described my son and told her how perfect I thought he would be for her. And I even told her where he was a bartender, all she had to do was just stop by one night, check him out from a distance, and if she wasn't interested, all she had to was leave, no harm done.

Well, time went by, never heard back, forgot about it. Move forward another year, he tells me he met someone, in HER workplace (they both were upscale bartenders) and I could tell it was special. As I got to know the girl, something clicked in my mind, and I remembered that profile that jumped out at me, she sounded a lot like it, the age was right, her hair was light blonde like in the photo I remembered. I still didn't say anything, but always wondered.

Well, they got engaged for Christmas, getting married later this year. They are amazingly perfect for each other. Last weekend, she and I got together and I asked her if she ever had a profile in here, and she said she made one once, but really didn't do anything with it. I told her what I had done, she laughed and said she couldn't remember her ID to log in, but she had the photo she had used, pulled it up on her phone, and lo and behold, unbelievably, IT WAS THE SAME GIRL! I'm not making this up!

So, yes, absolutely, "that one profile" can jump out at you......or at your mom. :)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Common scenerio, common confusion
Posted: 1/31/2013 6:54:57 AM
Why carry on a charade for months?


This is my point, it doesn't sound to me like there was a charade, but rather that you (or her, I'm not sure if you're talking about yourself or a friend) just weren't on the same time frame. But then, after it was broken off and put on "we're just friends" status, which both parties were aware of, then sex got offered, he probably just thought, hey, great, she knows we're just friends now but she still wants to have sex. Great!!!

It just sounds to me like there wasn't any deception involved. He broke it off, she offered sex, he took it. Well, they both partook. But the overwhelming part of the time, if you offer a guy sex, he's not going to refuse. In many men's minds, IF YOU BOTH KNEW THE TERMS AND CONSENTED and you both had a good time, no harm was done. And I can't say I disagree with that.

As far as the four months prior, he may have been leading up to something more, but just wasn't ready for that at four months. Maybe it would have been six months, maybe it would have been a year. I just feel that the female partner jumped the gun and decided she MUST have something more, whatever that was, right NOW. And he exercised the right that he has to stick to his own convictions and break it off. She needs to take responsibility for the fact that she offered the sex, and not try to dodge blame by being so overwhelmed with emotions that she couldn't help herself.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
why can't people tell the truth
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:52:20 PM
Don't be so quick to fall for pretty words. Until you get to know them a lot better, keep your guard up and your clothes on.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Common scenerio, common confusion
Posted: 1/30/2013 7:45:43 PM
I'm not sure what you mean by "make it official". Do you mean a ring, moving in together, changing the FB status to "in a relationship with so & so"? From what you described, going out often, having a good time, he calls often and talks for a long time doesn't sound like a relationship that doesn't have potential. It actually sounds pretty darn good, compared to most stories we read in here. It was only four months, that's not really very long. Why does something "special" have to happen at the four-month mark, and why the freak out when it didn't??? How "official" does it have to be?

I also am a little puzzled by the referral of women willing to have sex with him being skanks. A little bit of irony there, lol.

But whatever, only four months, why the freak out? Maybe after another month or two he WOULD have been ready, but it sounds like that chance is now gone.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
help for a relationship like beauty and the beast
Posted: 1/28/2013 7:09:46 AM
I need to find me one of those "plutonic" relationships.....
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
what can he never be upfront
Posted: 1/27/2013 11:35:49 AM
I find him to be married. That's all I need to know.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do I tell my ex my feelings are more than 'just friends'?
Posted: 1/27/2013 10:00:25 AM
I also agree with Igor.....but want to add, at the time, did he KNOW about the hormones, the unhappiness at the job, the death, etc?

I have found that telling them in advance something along the lines of "I love/care about you, but I'm feeling really cranky today and really don't mean to snap at you. Maybe we should just watch a dvd tonite instead of going out and get a pizza?" Etc. Instead of just blowing up and being ****y. If he really cares about you, he should appreciate the warning and can be more forgiving and supportive.

In other words, if he KNEW you were having problems and blew you off anyway, then he will probably always be that way. But if he had no clue you were going through a rough time and just thought you were being a b-itch, then you and he could be forgiven this once and have a second chance. This is one of the things they mean when they say relationships take work. You be pro-active and nicely explain ahead of time that you're having a bad day and might be more testy than usual and give him a hug or a footrub to make up for it, and he can give you a little slack, some space, and maybe a hug or footrub, too.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Hard to believe this behavior in men over 50..
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:54:08 AM

And I think if you want a "boyfriend" to do things with, you sort of have to go through the dating process to get there. I think within a half a dozen dates I'd be able to determine whether I'm comfortable inviting him to my place or go to his place. But you need to go out first on some dates, dates that may or may not require getting "all dressed" up. I'm fine with going to Farmer's Markets or museums or whatever that doesn't require a skirt and heels.


I know that, it's exactly what I said. And why I called it my "dating conundrum". My Catch-22. My Sticky Wicket.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Help from a woman's point of view:
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:19:11 AM
^^^^ This, exactly. Don't open up completely on the first date, let it out slowly and when it's appropriate to the conversation at hand. Wait until you sense that she is committed enough to WANT to hear it all.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
If there any point in me carrying on with this?
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:15:19 AM
It just means the right one hasn't happened yet. It takes time, they're not just sitting on a shelf waiting to be picked off. Patience, grasshopper.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
how do you know when a woman is interrested in you?
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:14:00 AM
Next time you're in the store, stop and have a conversation with her. Looking away could very well mean shyness, not that she doesn't like you. In fact, it may mean that she DOES like you. So actually stay and talk to her, even if she's not gazing into your eyes. Also, only if there are no other customers in the store that she needs to help and no boss hovering nearby.

It might just be that she's supposed to be friendly and smile at all the customers, it's part of her job. But she still might like you enough to agree to meet you for a coffee or soda or beer & wings after work? And even if she says no, you will survive it, really. In fact, if that happens, you're actually better off than you were before, knowing for sure.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Hard to believe this behavior in men over 50..
Posted: 1/27/2013 8:02:36 AM
This thread topic is my dating conundrum right now. I would love to meet and have a regular "boyfriend" to do things with, but I don't want to "date" per se. I don't want to get all dressed up and go someplace and be entertained and then go home. I mean, sure once in awhile, but not as a regular weekend thing. On the weekends, I just want to be at home and do things together, cook, try some new wines, etc. But, in order to reach a comfort level of having this, I have to go through the "dating process". Ugh., lol.

However, I do find it a little weird that a guy asks you out and then asks if he can come home with you. If he asks me to his house, that's fine, that makes more sense. I also would not invite myself to his house, but I would invite him to mine when I'm ready. But then you get into that "is he/she inviting me to their house to have sex or just visit?" Ugh, lol.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
paying for Cialis
Posted: 1/27/2013 7:49:42 AM
I just heard that Viagra is going generic, and is going to cost about $2.00 a pill, so that should make things easier on everyone, lol. Don't quote me on that, just heard it on the radio news the other day.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Do hot guys get sex all of time?
Posted: 1/27/2013 7:47:05 AM
^^^^^^ What's sad is the you have that opinion of ALL women and haven't ever noticed that we're all different. Very sad.

Anyway, given the number of women who do throw themselves at guys because they think sex is the way to land one, yeah, he probably gets a lot of sex.

I'm guessing hot women get a lot of sex, too.


VVVVV Eeeek, not you! lol That was directed at nhra, you just slid in there before I got it posted! :)
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Decent girls out there?
Posted: 1/26/2013 8:41:17 AM
Yes, do delete your profile from this stupid ass website. The fewer stupid asses we have in here, the better it gets.
 windchymes
Joined: 11/29/2008
Msg: 13 (view)
 
why are men only interested in sex.?
Posted: 1/26/2013 7:18:58 AM
Well, if you were giving out sex at the beginning, the guys figured, hey, sex, I can get it here. Then they got bored and moved on.
 
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