online dating service
REGISTER | MAIL/PROFILE | HELP | NOW ONLINE | SEARCH | RATING | FORUMS | SUCCESS STORIES

 

     
Posted In Forum:
Home   login   MyForums  
Show ALL Forums  
 
 Author Thread: Trust and Autonomy in a relationship
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Trust and Autonomy in a relationship
Posted: 11/5/2009 10:51:11 PM
All relationships begin with two persons. Mutual consent, mutual sharing starts in this simple contract of relationship..in contract law it is called offer and acceptance...and it is mutual willingness that requires autonomous decision on both parties.

Transparency and accountability is a basic responsibility in this mutual contract which requires a certain degree of compromise and sharing of trust. In accepting or offering this relationship , we have to surrender a certain amount of our self to the relationship to gain something from it or from each other .
A healthy good relationship should enrich, nourish the individual and enable him /her to be better than she /he could never do alone.
Mutual benefit rather than mutual loss should be the desirable happy ending .
Autonomy is not a mere issue of independence or dependence , we tend to forget INTERDEPENDENCE AND BALANCE
The idea of yin and yang , is to achieve that sort of interdependent balance ..where we do not lose our self but we are enriched by interdependence.. we complement and supplement , we nurture and enrich...we share and we grow together to be better wholes ...
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Is divorce like mourning a death?
Posted: 2/15/2009 3:13:43 PM
I am a widow , lost my husband after 20 years. Divorce is different from death of a spouse, mainly because in a divorce, however bad it may be, your kids still have a father but in death of a spouse, a parent can never be replaced.

I have many divorced friends, and they tend to feel betrayed and some even desperate if the spouse left them for a younger model. The aftermath is not so similar either , in death of a loved one , we hang on to loving memories..in divorce, most divorcees want to burn all the bridges, and some hang on with bitterness al l the bad memories.

The pain of loss is different, because a widow sees the loss as the loss of a loved one, while in many cases the divorcee see the loss as a loss of an enemy or unloved one..
Betrayal, bitterness, anger...all raw emotions sometimes never heal the wound, while death of a spouse is a proper closure of a happy union..

With 1 in 4 marriages landing up in divorce, modern marriage vows would be more appropriate if they were amended to read: 'Till divorce do u part'...
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 18 (view)
 
broken heart
Posted: 2/7/2009 3:21:34 PM
Jen,

I lost my husband 7 years ago to cancer. 8 months of hell as I nursed him and carried on with my Masters degree while doing it and with two kids to take care. Marriage is not like those fairy tales where couples live happily ever after, tragedies hit everyone at some stage. See each heart break and tragedy as a challenge and as you struggle each day, count your blessings.. You have your health and youth, a wonderful baby who is your future and your hope.
You obviously have skills since you had your own business , so there is nothing to stop you from going back to it . The journey through life is never smooth but each detour or mishap will help shape you and strengthen you as a person.

Think positive and visualise your dream . True happiness comes when you learn to be independent and self-reliant. Take a piece of paper and write down what you really want and is capable of achieving..make small goals each day for yourself and focus on them ..each tiny step you take towards those goals will give you strength and encouragement to aim higher..
Believe in yourself and don't be afraid to seek help within your own family and from friends you could trust .Seek help to educate yourself and learn new skills to improve yourself and your own self esteem will flourish . But most of all, you need to learn to help yourself...and the most precious reason for you to be stronger and better is your baby. You want to be that exemplary mother for your baby .

You can do it..just change your mindset and stay optimistic . With determination , discipline and the right attitude , one can achieve anything..You will be amazed at your own ability and oneday you will look back and realise that all this happened for a good reason.
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Why are women attracted to a man who's with another woman?
Posted: 2/6/2009 2:03:56 PM
To further add to BDJ's stock value analogy..

I know my daughter loves helping her great buddy if he fancies a girl, by telling her how hot he is and how he is in demand....this in stock/equity market talk is called
ÍNSIDER TRADING'..so you could also bribe some cool girls you know as friends to spread the rumour that you are real cool and hot and that all the girls are really into you..that is how u talk up your value.
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 127 (view)
 
What are YOU reading lately?
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:28:07 AM
I read different books in different rooms in my house..and try not to confuse myself..so I read completely different genres. ..a multi-tasker's guide to global -reading:

1) RAdar, Hula hoops and Playful Pigs by Dr. Joe Schwarcz ..great fun and discovery of funny facts- great for the kitchen

2) Dreams of my Father -Obama - in the bedroom

3) An intimate History of HUmanity - Theodore zeldin- in the study

4) loads of business strategy magazines and Cosmopolitan - trash in the loo

5) Chinese and Japanese novels in between ..dining room and kitchen when I do a language exchange
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Why do women do stuff when you meet but then change?
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:17:23 AM
Have'nt you heard of the saying:
'Men marry the woman hoping she will never change and women marry the man hoping he will change.'?
There lies the great disparity between the sexes..and marriage is the great discovery of that disparity.
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Has anyone practiced COMPLETE abstinence for sometime?
Posted: 2/6/2009 10:11:01 AM
NOthing wrong with abstinence. In the entire span of one's life, most people would be practising abstinence most of the time even when you are in a relationship, since sex effectively take up only a tiny fraction of one's life time .

With such alot of STD around perhaps abstinence is the answer and developing real friendship before jumping into bed is probably the safer route to happy healthy relationships.

If people are more honest with each other, I think the average men and women probably will admit that it is quality that matters rather than quantity. I mean who wants forgettable junk food everyday when you want to take time and wait for the delights of a well prepared meal cooked specially for you by someone who truly cares?
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
NEED PROFILE CRITIQUE!!:)
Posted: 1/30/2009 11:17:18 AM
You are a nice young man but you undersell yourself and by telling everything about what you dont want or dislike , you are also showing us that you are such a picky , unspontaneous young man...

RELAX and accept people for all their flaws and perhaps you might just find the cinderella you want..

As a young man, you should have a vivacious, energetic approach, fun and humorous, a youthful outlook rather than sounding like your father or grandfather..

This is a fishing site, where you are expected to fish for some surprise and expect the unexpected...fishing is where you go to relax and do something therapeutic..not dictate what fish you want to fish..cos we all dont really know what fish there is out there..

so enjoy fishing young man and expect the unexpected..it is the unknown that makes living and loving so exciting..

 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Too much info? .. ladies please
Posted: 1/30/2009 11:09:40 AM
Your profile is certainly far too long for even a woman like me who loves the written word to plough through.

Less is more. Say something funny and keep them intrigued about yourself..it is only a taster of what you are about , not an autobiography.

B
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Marriage and sex how did it effect you?
Posted: 1/16/2009 7:55:51 AM
Sex is the icing on the cake for marriage..in terms of time span in a marriage, it is short but we live life for those special moments..

Marriage is a discovery journey..and sex is the ultimate expression of intimacy between two persons..and therefore it need to be sustained, constant practice and making time for those moments of ecstacy is the key lubricant that keeps the engines revving.

Sex..and romance must begin with seduction, romancing and foreplay ..the excitement begins with anticipation..plan it..make that special date...seduction begins with the mind..
for the wife..let Friday morning be that moment of sexy anticipation ..hang out those lacy lingerie on his wardrobe..
text him in the day..include that pic on your mobile text..showing the favourite bits that you know he cannot resist...
call him ..and distract him...be creative..

all of the above can be varied..from mood to mood..x365 days...

be the mistress he cannot wait to rush home to..his wife is his boring job at the office..
Remember Mae West: When I am good I am good but when I am bad I am better..

great tips on how to enjoy those intimate moments of your marriage..
from someone who did for 20 years..but alas I lost him to untimely death..
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Dating on this site
Posted: 12/31/2008 6:21:46 AM
Hi ,
I hail from London , bored in NY so decided to check the forum. One could be lonely in a soulless city or rather I enjoy my solitude in this anonymous metropolis...heading for a New Year Party tonight and wondering what Manhattan is about later...otherwise it is a mad city of lonely old men dining alone in greasy diners on Christmas Eve..now that is a good enough reason for many more to come find solace here in this pond..lol

This is a pond , to some a murky one, but as an eternal optimist, I like to see this as a great pond to fish and trawl and find likeminded friends. Romance if it happens is like fishing, with some luck ,you could well catch something of a surprise..in fact every fish and frog here is a surprise..each with its own story to tell..

Relax and enjoy the time here as a break from the daily mundane grind you face...we get to fantasize here and be what we want to be and who knows someday Prince Charming might just surface...except most Cinderellas cannot titter around in glass slippers..I prefer solid boots , size 5 (US cinderella feet) and go march with the times....enjoy every minute here and enjoy the company of all HUMAN kind..



B
 impulsive2
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 135 (view)
 
Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:32:58 AM
Perhaps marriage is no longer a valid institution in this day and age/
LAT -Living Apart Together seems like an easier option where we meet for fun , holiday and others/

Divorce rate stand at 1 in 4 in UK, as bad as cancer stats..so is marriage as cancerous?

I had a happy marriage but lost my husband to cancer. I come to realise that friendship outlast and outlive marriages..so make friends and have fun.
When i get to 70 if i am lucky i will check into a swanky old folks compound , hold hands with a lovely 60 year old toy boy..and have fun..

Happiness to me is not dependent on my marital status nor who I need to be with..it is my own state of mind ..i love the liberation of being single ,and find increasingly if i cannot find someone to tick all my boxes then find different men or even women to tick different boxes....so i need a plumber, an electrician, a gardener, a housekeeper, a sex partner, a roller blader, a sailor , a hairdresser and a lovely cook to keep me happy...any applicant .. ?

Impulsive
 
Show ALL Forums