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EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 109 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/23/2009 7:44:13 AM
What I am seeing as this thread continues is that most men want the woman to at least offer to pay. They are not expecting the woman to pay, but they would like to see her offer as a sign of courtesy, equality or whatever "happy" phrase you want to call it. And really while it is nice for the guy to pay, it never hurts to offer to pay, or just surprise him and pay. The worst that will happen is the guy might be a little put out. Then again maybe I am odd, but I figure I have a job so I can pay for the things I want, and if I want to go out w/ someone(friend or lover) I try to find venues I can afford or verify before hand they can afford to at least pay for themselves. It's really not that difficult. It has nothing to do w/ age groups, I have seen men over 40 expect the woman to pay, and guys in their 20's be a bit put out by a girl offering to pay. In the end it is best to just communicate w/ your date. But that seems to be sommething so many have a problem doing.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 85 (view)

What you can tell by their eye color Posted: 11/23/2009 7:20:04 AM
Hmmm, I have brown-hazel eyes depending on the light and what I am wearing. I can see a lot of the description that fits, but I don't know about the knocking you out if I get ticked off. But good for a laugh.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

What do Atheist Holla Out During Sex? Posted: 11/23/2009 7:08:14 AM
I am just amazed at how many of you can form words during such an event. Athiest or not. Who cares what an athiest or anyone else screams out during sex as long as it is not "ok, I'm done get out"?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 83 (view)

couple arrested for not tipping.,, Posted: 11/22/2009 10:59:35 PM
Here's the thing most are not realizing, the state sets the waitstaff wage at a minimum. Usually far below the standard minimum wage recieved by fast food employees. It is not the resturant owners who set the wage so low. Other industries that receive tips are also paid at least the standard minimum wage. If you have a real issue w/ the practice of tipping-take it to your local politician. The number one rule many forget when eating in any food establishment is not to mess w/ those that handle your food. The other is that the waitstaff is not cooking your food also, they are serving it and waiting on other tables as well. From fast food to fine dining I have heard tales from friends that have worked in both about what they do to customer's food if that customer was rude or an asshat. Nothing as vile as what was done in the movie "Waiting" or some of those videos that make the net, but still not pleasant to be on the receiving end of.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 55 (view)

Dad or Jail? Posted: 11/22/2009 8:14:21 AM
So the issue does go deeper than an unruly child disobeying the law. They have been to couseling and are still unable to resolve the conflict? This means that either the counselor is ineffective, or the conflict is over something much larger than a video game. If they have been to couseling weekly then the father has seen his child, maybe not to the letter of the original court order, but he has still seen him. And the father still felt the need to have the court ordered visits enforced. The more that comes out of this, the more it seems the child is being used for a purpose of getting back at a parent. The fact that the child still does not want to visit his father(and his father's new family it seems) after being jailed and would still rather go back to jail than see his father means there is a big issue. The fact that the judge does seem to have a bias about what a child is allowed to do regarding visits to the parent is also a sad statement of what some in the family court system may be like. If the child and his father had gotten along well, there would have been no need for the court to order the child to visit. I also have to wonder if the father with his new family is trying to get out of support by using the visitation so he'll have more money for the new kid. Unfortunately that is really not uncommon in situations like this. It could also be that when the child goes to visit his father and his father's new family he is treated like a problem rather than a guest/family member. If the child was used to a certain level of attention from his father and that level has changed drastically w/ his father's household changes, it could be why the child no longer wants to visit. All this is purely speculation, but in the end the punishment put on the child far outweighed the child's "crime" of having issues and deciding not to visit his father.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 48 (view)

Dad or Jail? Posted: 11/22/2009 2:09:47 AM
I think the punishmnet was way overboard. To punish a child w/ jail time for not getting along/not visiting the father? That is extreme. And a waste of the facilities time(since the time/space could be used for someone who actually needs it), a waste of the court's resources(paperwork, money, press), and a waste of the court's time(aren't there bigger crimes/issues in family court than a child not wanting to see a father?). For those saying that the kid didn't want to visit the father because "dad" was too strict? False logic. The child said he would rather go to the juvenille detention center than visit his father. So if the child would prefer jail to a visist to dad's, I would think that shows a deeper issue than video game priviledges. Last I knew juvie wasn't a teen party zone. The press is notorious for twisting people's words to suit a story. The mother said she couldn't control her son? Yet he is a good, hardworking student? Maybe the part of the quote missing was that she couldn't physically force(i.e. pick him up and deliver him to the visit) her child to visit his father? The child in question is big enough at 14 yrs. old to not be physically forced easily by a woman into something he does not want to do. The court had to have had other options to settle this than "youth jail". Family counseling, court supervised visitation, etc. Also, the court most likely would have been unaware of the lack of visits by the child to the father unless the father made an issue of it. How many people don't receive court ordered child support? And yet the deadbeat parent(becausse both genders are guilty of it) doesn't go to jail for not paying a court ordered payment. Most often because the parent that is supposed to be receiving the child support doesn't bring it to the courts attention. The reasons for the child not to visit his father have been kept private. Due to this we don't know if others would find the reasons valid or not. We also know nothing of the judge's personal bias. Not all abuse is physical, and not all children have articulate means to define abusive behavior. In the end by forcing this child into "youth jail", they haven't repaired the relationship between father and son. All they have done is give the child yet another reason to not want a relationship w/ his father. What child wants a relationship w/ a person that will have them jailed for not doing what that person wants?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 45 (view)

couple arrested for not tipping.,, Posted: 11/20/2009 5:37:33 PM
Hate to tell you this Rickeyes58 but back in the '60-'80's when my grandmother was a waitress she was taxed for her tips. Sort of blows your theory out of the water. And all of this complaining about tips? Really? Tips are also normal for people that deliver your pizza, style your hair, park your car, etc. Of course if tipping is really a bother to you, you could refuse to partake of these services.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Meant to be alone Posted: 11/20/2009 7:45:41 AM
WOW DIVISION77 way to try to twist my words with selective editing! Me thinks someone may have some hidden issues. I never mentioned a "swinging" lifestyle. If you had read the statement fully I mentioned friends and family as the others needed for a satisfying love life. Friends and family for support and balance. Since I think it is unhealthy to just rely on your romanitc partner to fulfill all of your needs as a healthy human. Most of the healthiest, satisfying romantic relationships I have been in or seen happen when the couple has other people outside of their romantic relationship in their life. If you rely solely on your romantic partner for fulfillment in life, you are not seeking a healthy relationship IMO.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

How to tell a woman to start paying for part of the date Posted: 11/20/2009 7:39:11 AM
Discuss it w/ her if you are serious about her. If she is just one of many you may be dating, just write it off and move on. In this day and age there is no reason for a woman not to offer to pay part of the time, just an offer is often all a guy wants. But a woman by the same token should not be offended if the guy takes her up on that offer. If money is an issue after 4 dates and not discussed, it will be a bigger issue later on. I go by the idea that if some one invites a person out, they should be willing to pay. Whether its as friends or dates. If I invite someone out, I expect to pay for them unless it was discussed first. If I can't afford to pay for some one to go along w/ me when I invite them, I tell them up front. "I would love to go to xxxx w/ you but I can't afford to pay for you". Then again I dislike gray areas or confusion when a few simple words can be used. Good luck OP.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Meant to be alone Posted: 11/20/2009 6:58:55 AM
I am so sick of the phrase "there is someone for everyone". Why does there have to be just one? No, I am not being greedy. But why the chase for only one person to be your some one? I have met a ton of people that were the one for me at that point of time in my life. So what if I am single now, at one point there was someone who complimented me the right way at the right time. And there will be again. The periods in between these "some ones" is a period to learn and re-evaluate what I may need in the next person so I can recognize it when I see it. This doesn't just apply to romantic relationships, but other relationships as well. Most people are multi-faceted, to think there is only one person out there that 100% matches all those facets is setting oneself up for failure.You may find that you need several people to have a satifying "love life". A romantic partner, good friends for balance, a family for support. If you put all your eggs in the one basket of "romantic", you lose out on the bigger picture. And why is it if a women is single she needs to collect cats? Why not sports cars, or shoes, or a whole menagerie?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

couple arrested for not tipping.,, Posted: 11/20/2009 5:42:40 AM
No, I think the point of the article was that some things in society have gotten ridiculous. Being arrested for a $16 tip? There was a mandatory tip/gratuity(that is not used in all resturants) that the group had an issue w/. The group of 8(my bad for misreading that part of it) decided as a group not to pay the tip. But only 2 people were arrested for it. It was well w/in the staff's authority to either take it to management to waive the fee or waive the fee themselves. That would have been the simple, logical solution. Especially if the service was that bad. Now w/ the bad press and legal actions, it will cost the resturant much more than $16 to persue this. It seems kind of dubious that the resturant offered to comp their meals($89 w/ tip fee included) but then arrested the customers over a $16 fee. Yes, they didn't pay the fee and that was wrong, but there could have been a way to have kept this from becoming news. If the service was that poor, a mandatory tips fee is needed and they call the cops over an incident they were unable to handle on their own(since there were several simple solutions), I would say this resturant has serious management issues. If it is a chain resturant I have a feeling the home office will be cleaning house to keep from having repeats of this incident. JWG is correct that waitstaff is taxed 15% of their tickets as income tax. Waitstaff wages are often also less than the standard minimum wage. They need those tips to break even. He was also correct that "trashy" customers cost a staff more. And sadly it seems more people are trying to become the trashy customer than the good customer. But the couple in this article were willing to pay for the food and drinks they consumed, they just felt that the service didn't merit a tip since it was so poor. While the tip was a mandatory fee, the couple did pay for what is normally required in a resturant-the food and drink.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

couple arrested for not tipping.,, Posted: 11/19/2009 9:16:43 PM
Hmm something seems off in the story. A group of 6 people refused to pay the mandatory tip/gratuity yet only 2 get arrested? They explain to the bartender their reasons for not paying the mandatory tip/gratuity charge and the resturant didn't offer to waive the fee? Especially since the food/drinks were being paid for? There is a lot missing from this story fact-wise. As for the mandatory tip? If the waitstaff had provided good service or even great service the tip would have been much more than the 16%. I used to waitress for a few months. My average on tips was 20-25%. And on large groups? 40% was more the average. A long wait for food on a busy night might happen, but the waitstaff should have informed the customers of the wait, and offered to make sure they had plenty to drink, silverware, and checked on the customers.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Was I right? Posted: 11/19/2009 7:47:37 AM
Ahh and the mists part. I never believe a women for there word, talk is cheap! More and more this is sounding like your issues, not hers. After a few weeks of constant convo and a few dates she had decided she wanted more. She even called you after telling you she wanted more. So to go from regular, daily convo to absolutely no convo=no interest/not interested. If you wanted a relationship w/ her you should have told her so. To not acknowledge her existance for a week(which is most likely how she percieved it) was you rejecting her. As for not taking a woman at their word? Maybe you need to look at the type of women you have been involved w/ that have you thinking this. Not all women are all talk/no action. But don't worry, your actions spoke loud and clear to her and she is moving on.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Do ANY Men Read Profiles (First or at all?) Posted: 11/19/2009 7:24:04 AM
I figure it's not just men that do this, but since that is my main experience, yea a lot of men do this. I even list on my profile some of the things that will not get a response from me. So this week a guy who fit most of my listed "no response" criteria messeged me. He even stated he had messeged me before(he hadn't) and hadn't received any response so he figured he would try again? So it's not just that SOME don't read a profile, some don't even now who they messege. I guess it's a filter for reading comprehension skills and a person's ability to remember details.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

your opinion on our situation Posted: 11/19/2009 7:10:27 AM
Seperated-not an option. Freshly divorced-not an option.(too much potential for emotional baggage, etc.) Recovered from divorce(financially and emotionally)-option. Divorce is old news-option. Material possessions-not that important. As long as they can provide for themselves and pay their own bills, that makes them an option.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Was I right? Posted: 11/19/2009 7:05:18 AM
Uhh Yep, you did. She told you she wanted more, she called you and you ignored her for a week? Gee can't imagine why she would stop talking to you sarcasm. She was sure and let you know, you pulled the idiot card out and treated her interest like dirt. If you were interested in her you should have returned her call(not doing so was just rude) and told her you needed time to be sure an exclusive reltationship was what you both wanted. Put yourself in her shoes, if you had started the eclusivity convo and called after a date and SHE had not returned your call or talked to you for a week would you think she wanted to be w/ you? I don't think so.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Question about women and alpha-males Posted: 11/17/2009 7:31:53 AM
Too funny! You are combining things that are not always compatible or comparible. women college girls Women and girls are often 2 different things(not always but often). Not neccessarily by age but maturity level/life experience. It could also be that some of the females you are speaking of are looking for different things. It's college afterall, time to explore, learn, and experiment w/ becoming an adult you want to be. alpha-male pick-up artists Alpha-males and PUA are not always the same thing either. PUA's often are just looking to score, following the herd mentality of non-alpha-males(as in self-worth is determined by the number of "scores" they make). Alpha-males can often times be independant enough to not need to follow the herd or compare themselves to other males. As for intelligence? Bah! It has nothing to do w/ intelligence for whether a girl/woman falls for an alpha-male or a PUA, it has to do w/ what they think they want at the time.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 133 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/16/2009 7:29:44 AM
Well I never expected to say this to someone old enough to be my mother but..."Grow up!" Geez, first you start this playing the victim, make excuses for him, then try to say you will "toy" w/ this relationship(very immature attitude BTW) then claim he used you? Really? This is something one expects to hear from a teenager. Yes, breaking up hurts, but you chose to stay in this situation after tons of warning signs it wasn't healthy, you chose to ignore the advice many offered you, you chose the roles you played in this, and you chose this person for your partner/roommate. Stop placing all the blame on the guy. Yes, he was an a*s, but you kept him around for your own selfish reasons. So he had a degree in BS and you fell for it hook line and sinker. Maybe instead of looking for a relationship, you should be looking for what is missing inside of you and fix that. Take some time away from dating and maybe invest that time in some therapy, a journey of self discovery, whatever until you discover why you seek, keep, and repeat these types of relationships. As for good, genuine, caring people? There were several in this thread giving you good advice, you just refused to recognize it.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Dating A Single Child Posted: 11/15/2009 8:50:50 PM
Hmmm, as an only child of only children, I still had aunts and uncles. Granted they were long time family friends or great aunts/uncles. But I don't think that just because someone was an only child means there won't be enough love in the family for them. If it's about the children one may have, umm children are far more adaptable than adults. They don't realize something is missing in the family structure unless the parents make it a big deal(I didn't know that it was weird to have an Uncle Varmit[his nickname] until I was older). And who is to say that someone from a big family is going to want their child exposed to said family? I think your friend is cutting their options very short by that narrow minded view. As for would I scratch a seemingl good match off my list due to the number or lack of siblings? Nope, it would make the search for the right fit that much harder I think. Better to ban them from my dating pool for better reasons, like making me cringe when the lights are onsarcasm.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

He ran away... Posted: 11/15/2009 8:40:58 PM
No you shouldn't have lied about it. This is why I am a big believer in "don't ask any questions you can't handle the answer to". OP you did nothing wrong in telling him. You felt comfortable enough to share a deep, painful time in your life. He freaked out. That's the hell of dealing w/ people. You can't predict or control what they do. In the future, if a similar situation comes up and you are not quite ready to discuss it or are uncertain as to how it will be recieved, just tell them "That's a difficult issue to discuss right now, but I will tell you in time". You're still being honest, and it means you are willing to discuss it, just not right now. Good luck in your search.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Buddy: more than a friend? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:33:27 PM
Why not ask the girl? You could be a f*ck buddy, a shopping buddy, a drinking buddy, a movie buddy, etc. Or could have been friend zoned. If you don't ask the person who said it, all you have is speculation.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

People over 30 that are not taken - something wrong with them? Posted: 11/15/2009 8:25:56 PM
Sorry but this concept cracks me up. Yes, I admit that for some people over a certain age it could be a sign of serious flaws. For others though it could just be the are just not ready to settle, they were responsisble enough to not make some of the mistakes they saw others in their age group making(divorce, multi-babies w/ multi partners, having to live on welfare/parents, etc.). It could be that they were to busy erasing any possible regrets that may have occured to settle down early and miss out. It could be that they are not desperate enough to cling on to anyone one just to be "married". As others have said you don't know until you ask, being responsible for your life and it's choices, and using your time to make yourself some one you like are not flaws. They are assets.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

finding a girl who enjoys sex Posted: 11/15/2009 8:14:48 PM
Hate to tell you this but sexually adventurous women are everywhere! They work, hang out, go shopping, play sports, etc. Try finding someone who is honestly confident and comfortable w/ themselves. Chances are if they aren't uptight about the small things, other things aren't as inhibition-inducing either. Good luck.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

Christmas already? For Christ's sake... Posted: 11/15/2009 7:42:59 PM
Wow all this hooplah over a holiday. Amazing that as what I assume is an adult age you feel compelled to participate in something you don't believe in. You don't have to partake of the consumerism/commercialism of the holiday if you don't want to. One of the joys of growing up and being independant. If you want to celebrate the holiday-you can celebrate your way. Personally I have a love/hate relationship w/ the holiday(or helliday as I call it). I love sitting back w/ a coffee watching the rabid shoppers grabbing for merchandise and then doing the zombie shuffle in their search for the best price on the perfect gift(benches in the mall are amazingly free on black friday). The fights, the screaming, the Martha Stewart wanna-bes being as vulgar/classless/violent as a trailer park princess over a toy. Ah it's like Jerry Springer live! But I hate the hypocracy of the season as well. The "good will towards men" unless its the poor store clerk that is over worked, under paid and having to tell you that clearance item from June isn't in stock. People who only contact or engage in family get togethers at this time of year. The damned "Christmas Card Form Letters" to update people you never talk to about your life. The ones who only give to charity at this time of year, or buy gifts for others. Or the others who talk about the wonders of the season and feelings of family togetherness, but rate how good their x-mas was by what they gave/got. Honestly, I think if a holiday bothers you so much, just ignore it. Or celebrate it your way, in your own time. Not that hard to do. If your family gives you grief, you don't have to celebrate w/ them. Part of being an adult is deciding how you spend your time/money. And yes, I don't celebrate the helliday with gifts or gaudy decor. I spend time w/ the friends and family I want to w/ no expectation of gifts of anything but time and fun. You'd be surprised how many people actually seem relieved & look forward to that in my life.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Torn between morally right & right to be happy Posted: 11/11/2009 6:49:04 AM
OP you will do what you want and have to deal w/ the consequences of that decision. What I have always found odd when a married person is looking to cheat is how they state their marriage isn't "happy"(one of the oldest cheating in marriage cliche lines IMO). WTF? Like some person is supposed to feel compelled by that statement to make some other person happy? It takes 2 people to be married, and 2 people to make the marriage happy. If they aren't happily married maybe they should be looking into what to do to make it better(or get out of that situation) rather than looking for someone to provide their happiness for them. Or they should make themselves happy first. Who really wants to date an unhappy person? Married, seperated, or otherwise?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 18 (view)

Can you believe it ? Posted: 11/10/2009 7:49:14 AM
WOW, just wow. Compensation for spending time w/ someone at a function. I believe they have a service you can hire for that. It's called an escort service, and if you call one I am sure they will provide you w/ their rates for "compensation". Makes me wonder about the insecurity of those seeking an associate as arm candy or disposable dates to attend these functions. Why not just take a friend if you don't want to attend alone? Is it that big a deal to have arm candy? Is that the new status symbol there? The highest paid companion for the evening? Or is this how some there get their x-mas shoppong money? Is this really the state of our current economy? Oi! Just another reason for me not to consider moving there.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Open mic night... Posted: 11/10/2009 7:41:59 AM
Too funny! You didn't ask him why he left? You just "assumed" he had a small penis? Oh, so funny! Way to give a guy a complex. Next he needed the smoke because he is orally fixated on small phallic objects too! If he had stayed put and listened w/ rapt attention would that have meant he was gay and hungry for a big one? He could have been bored, annoyed, nervous, having a nic-fit, etc., etc. I left my psychic hat at work(need it to read the boss' mind ya' know).

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 95 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/9/2009 7:45:55 AM
OP you are quickly losing your credibility here w/ the attacks you have made towards some younger than you posters. The insulting attacks and off-base assumptions on your part are painting a very unattractive picture of you as a "mature, classy" woman. The poster you are attacking isn't speaking from a "seeking sperm donor" point of view, she is speaking from a "like attracts like" point of view from what I can gather, IMO. But your atttacks on the younger women make you appear to be bitter about the fact they can still be reproductive if they choose. It comes off as envy of youth, not mature wisdom. Being sexual and sensual have nothing to do w/ bearing the goods in public or w/ any particular age. It is a mindset and inner quality that will come thru even in a nun's habit if that is how a woman truly feels. You don't seem to have learned some things about life that you should have by your age. Like that "nice" does NOT have to equal boring, or that a degree does NOT equal intelligence or excitment. You go on and on about how you have it all together, yet in your OT you stated you have a history of dating the same type of man. You do realize that only you can break that pattern right? Repeating an action over and over and expecting a different result is one way to define insanity. Maybe you need to accept responsibility for your actions in your failed relationships instead of blaming 100% of it on your chosen partner.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 158 (view)

Cat or Dog person Posted: 11/7/2009 10:23:56 PM
Cats, dogs, horses, rodents(hamsters, rats, mice, etc), if it is furry and 4-legged(had 'em all), I like 'em. Right now cats suit my lifestyle best(erratic schedule, smaller income than I would like), so cats it is. If I can get to a place in my life again to expand my animal menagerie, I would. Different animals speak to different parts of a human soul. I think if you love animals you will find the right fit.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/5/2009 7:38:42 PM
Glad to hear you are planning on leaving. Make it a clean break and no more contact, he doesn't want a friend, he wants a warm blooded plaything. I would keep him as a friend, but he is already trying to "change" me. Why do men do that? Why do they fall for someone just as they are, and then start trying to change them? "Change your hairstyle," whereas before it was gorgeous, "Lose weight", whereas before you were "just right". "Change the color of your hair and the way you dress." Whereas, before you dressed like a queen and your hair color reflected the sun.... Men.........where are the genuine ones? "Men" don't do that. Physically matured, male specimens of the human race that are underdeveloped in the area that makes one an adult will say those things. The ones who claim to be men then try to change a person never really are in love with that person. Good luck in your search, but try enjoying being single and enjoying what makes you happy first.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

Waiting for the Other Shoe to Drop Posted: 11/5/2009 7:50:23 AM
Ok let's break this down using what you have told us. found him recently on other dating websites having recently posted his profile and when I confronted him about it, he stated that he did it after we had a fight and just behaved like a boy Immature, childish behavior w/ an excuse you seem to have accepted. He wasn't doing it to get back at you, he was shopping for a back up in case you wised up and kicked him to the curb. (1) He talks about his deceased spouse by name all the time. Two possibilities here, neither is a good one. One option is that he is not over his spouse and is telling you that. The other is he is subtly hinting you aren't as good as or need to work to be more like the dead spouse. Either way it's manipulative. (2) He seems to resent the closeness between myself, my daughters and my grandchildren stating, He DOES resent your family's closeness, they are stealing your attention away from him. They are compromising his ability to influence/manipulate you and stopping you from making him the center of your world. (3) He has a temper. Everyone has a temper, it is how they deal w/ it that seperates children from adults. Again it is a manipulative ploy to get you to act the way he wants you too. If he was an adult worth a relationship w/, he wouldn't have blown a minor event out of proportion. The mail thing is equivolant to a child's temper tantrum. (4) He loves animals more than people. No he loves the control/obedience of some animals. I am betting on dogs since they can be trained more easily. It is a control factor, he can predict/control how an animal will behave, much harder to do w/ people. (5) He wants to move in with me and share expenses. I have a job and he has benefits and can't really take a job in his field to protect his benefits. No, he wants you to pay his bills so you have no money free to leave him. It is not about sharing expenses-he has afforded to live on his own so far, right? Do his "benefits" really pay more than a regular paycheck would? I doubt it, it sounds like an excuse to not have to do more and to have more time to work on controlling you. And you are making excuses for him to not be working as well. He is also rude to people, outspoken, loud and insulting to people in public. (from New York). That is not a regional trait, that is a trait of a jerk. No sugar coating it. You can find people like that all over the country, but again you are making excuses for his bad behavior and hoping someone will tell you it's ok to stay, since he is funny afterall. You also paid the deposits on his apartment? Is he not an adult? Can he not manage his money to pay them himself? Do you really want to be his sugar momma? Boy he already has a good deep hook into you. Hope you figure it out soon, this sounds like a very unhealthy relationship. It also sounds like you are repeating old patterns hoping for a different result. You do know what they call that right?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

from one dater to another: 'show me your drivers license, please' Posted: 11/4/2009 8:35:04 PM
I don't know what some have done to check me out, though if they google me they are in for a treat. According to google I am older than my mother, lived places I have never been, and have a whole career I knew nothing about( I googled myself out of curiousity). Ah the technological age of wonders. Still I think I look pretty good for the 60-something google claims I am. As for asking a date for a driver's license? Done that before as a joke(aka- I wanna know what I will be waking up to in the morning). I have had overprotective friends who asked my dates for info or ran them thru the local court system just in case. In general I have a pretty good BS meter, so I trust my gut and go from there, the rest is paranoia and obsessive behavior. On a first meet it's a sign a bathroom escape is needed(don't let them see your license plates!). LOL

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Is marriage necessary for a healthy LTR? Posted: 11/4/2009 7:42:53 AM
Well as far as semantics go, I think many people confuse a wedding with a marriage. They seem to think a wedding is the fairy tale end to a good LTR instead of just a step. They forget there is a marriage/LTR that still needs to be there after the big day or think a wedding is a magic wand to fix any issues in an LTR. Some seem to think that a wedding means that all problems will be fixed now that they are married. I don't see what the hang up on moving in together, being in an LTR, or getting married are. As a couple the people in that couple need to decide what is best for them, not let society dictate to them what is proper. Personally I don't care if I get married, live with someone or live alone. It will depend on the situation and the person I am involved w/ at the time. I have turned down a couple of engagement offers in the past, because I wasn't ready. Better to know what you are and aren't willing to do in a relationship then to make a mistake and compound it w/ legal documents. Not every woman is chasing the white dress and ring, just many have been socialized to seek it out like the holy grail. I think as society progresses there will be fewer chasing the wedding and more seeking the compatible companion to share w/. At least that is my hope. It is so much easier/cheaper to just put their stuff on the porch and change the locks than involve a lawyer. And 1kindman-there are groomzillas too. They just don't get the airtime. FYI

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

Are more woman opting to not take their husbands last name? Posted: 11/3/2009 9:07:36 PM
Well I plan on keeping my last name if I ever get marry. One part is that I am way too lazy to go thru all the paper work to change every thing to his last name. The other reason is I would probably forget it when signing my name-old habits. Plus, why should I have to be the one to change my name? If a name change is soooooooo important to a guy-he can change his. Odd huh?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 93 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 11/2/2009 8:53:35 PM
AIL-No harm no foul. I "assumed" a person needed to figure out how to have one type before experimenting for finding the others.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 50 (view)

Novels that are dramatically different from the films Posted: 11/2/2009 8:44:55 PM
Halftimedad-your list didnt mention which versions of the movie you were using for example. The Musketeer, The Scarlet Letter, Planet of the apes, The Grinch Who Stole Christmas all have multiple versions. Much like The Fly, Frankenstein, or the perrenial favorite The Journey to the Center of the Earth. One other I thought of, though it was based on a poem-not a book. Mulan. Then again Disney's recent cartoon adaptations of books have been horrid (The Hunchback of Notre Dame anyone?). I think the big difference in quality/similarities from book to movie depend on when the movie makers truly appreciate the book and work to make it like it was intended, and when the book is cranked out into a movie just to make money.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

Single women with ring on wedding finger Posted: 11/2/2009 6:39:46 AM
What exactly do you consider a ring that "resemble an engagement ring"? My mother had an emerald engagement ring, a friend had a ruby ring that was hers. Some women wear a ring on their ring finger for the very simple fact that gasp they like to wear a ring there. Just ask if you are curious, otherwise you are making an assumptions. And we all know what happens when you assume things. I don't think about the "signals" I am sending out when I wear jewelry, I wear jewelry for me. I bet these women you are avoiding are doing the same.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 87 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 11/1/2009 2:12:47 PM
Multiple ways sounds much too intimidating to a woman who can't even find one good way! I don't have multiple ways to orgasm, multiple orgasms, g-spot or any kind of 'spot' orgasms but I do have a clitoral orgasm and it does happen every single time...and it's wonderful! You don't 'need' to be able to have a variety of orgasms to be sexually satisfied...the same old same old has been working fine for me for decades...but I am not opposed to trying to find something new. I didn't say multiple types of orgasms, but most women I know that have a satisfying sex life know multiple ways to achieve the one type of orgasm they have. They experiment w/ how to get the most bang for their time so to speak. Because even if you have a limited type of orgasm available, you don't have to get it done the same way every time.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

Good While Dating, But not for Marriage or LTR Posted: 10/31/2009 1:01:19 PM
I see what your getting at I think OP. There are some sexual situations that you would be more comfortable w/ if you aren't in danger of being emotionally hurt if things go awry. I think it may be more about the experimental w/ the emotional safety net kind of thing for you. If you aren't emotionally invested in the relationship(like you would be in marriage/LTR) things like jealousy, multiple lovers, or "well I thought it would be fun and I was wrong" won't hurt so much or be as likely to happen. It's far easier to share something/someone you aren't deeply attached to. I may be wrong of course. Want to Travel-that is a very harsh, bitter thing to say to someone you don't know. I think your post shows more about you and your bitterness towards women than about the OP's question. Nowhere in the OT did she imply that she wouldn't be willing to explore or expand her experience w/in a marriage/LTR, just that certain things she would feel more comfortable engaging in w/in a more casual type of sexual relationship.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 21 (view)

Ex coming back? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:49:00 PM
No offense OP but you sound very obsessive about this guy. You basically stalked him w/ no response from him for about a year? Then you "ran across" his myspace profile and decided to contact him, sfter claiming you gave up(by the way finding him on myspace & messeging him proves you hadn't given up)? You say you just want him to be happy but you can't seem to leave him alone or move on w/ your life. It sounds as if your hopes are already up. It sounds as if you think if you get a second chance you will get the fairy tale ending you didn't the first time around. And the fact that you keep pursuing this guy after being dumped by him and ignored by him for over a year may indicate to him you will put up w/ other "games" or shanigans he can throw your way and you will keep taking him back-its a win-win for him. You try to claim you are over him, but you keep pursuing him. Of course it won't be the same as before if you do get back together, thats what happens as you get older-things CHANGE! My advice, for what it is worth, is to stop all communication w/ him, get some counseling, and truly move on w/ your life. Again no offense but it sounds like you have a lot of internal work to do on yourself before you are ready to be in a romantic relationship w/ any one. Good luck.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Give me a sign, signal....hint, slap upside the head - ANYTHING !!!! Posted: 10/31/2009 11:03:50 AM
Why does a guy giving you a gift or spending time/money on you make you think there is an immediate relationship? Some guys just like to give things, others give w/ intentions, either way it is not indicative of a relationship start until you have a relationship talk. Hell, I had gay "boyfriend" who gave me flowers and cards every birthday and Valentine's Day-never expected the gifts, or a relationship from him. The guy who you spent so much time w/ may have been expecting something, or he may have enjoyed your company but decided the distance/expense was too much for an ongoing thing and pulled a houdini. Either way, your best bet is to learn from it and move on.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Does being a father scare women away? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:43:40 AM
Be up front and honest that you have kids in your profile. Especially in your age group. Not every 20-something is looking for a pre-made family. And let's face it, if you get into a relationship that turns serious-it may turn into a family dynamic. Also not every woman wants to get involved w/ mama-drama or deal w/ kids they haven't created on their own. It also may lead some to think you havent been very sexually responsible in the past(you are only 24 OP), so if you have 2 kids, what else might you have gotten? You may not get as many responses if you list you have kids in your profile, but you may get better quality responses. Good luck.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 64 (view)

Men 35-44, are we in the sweet spot? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:37:34 AM
Hmmm The more I read this thread the more I have to wonder how many people miss one of the main points in the OT. It's really about persepective. You can look at the age range mentioned(or any age range) as possitive or negative. Maybe it is more about looking at the availability of datable prospects in a certain age range than looking at whether it makes a "player" or not. Personally I find being in my thirties a better time to be dating than in my 20's. I have more confidence, a better sense of what I want and can't tolerate. With the new openess in society about being able to date a broader range of ages(for both genders) w/ less stigma-the pool has definately deepened. Though this thread has also given me an idea why some men(of many ages) have such issues dating. WOW is all I can say.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 82 (view)

No orgasm: dealbreaker? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:31:11 AM
OP it sounds as if your problem obtaining orgasms is w/ you. You don't give a relationship time to build up a reliable way to communicate w/ your lover(maybe it's because intimate encounters isn't about intimacy or communication?) If you don't know multiple ways to reach orgasm yourself, or have the level of confidence to communicate it to your partner, you won't have a satifying sex life. Most women that have satisfying sex lives know multiple ways to orgasm and know how to tell their partner(or show & tell them) how to get them there. Orgasms are a team effort, but you need to build that team before you reach the goal.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 52 (view)

Are you a shoe slut? Posted: 10/31/2009 12:22:00 AM
Aww Not the Cable Guy I will have to pull out my bestest ones. Shame I had to part w/ 2/3 of my collection a while back, I was finally catching up to Imelda-LOL. Though I kind of find it interesting it is usually men that design the sexy shoes for women-then give us such slack for having so many pairs. LOL But that also gives me an excuse to shop for more shoes, and my fav shoe sight is having a sale............. Be back soon, must shoe shop!

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

How important is facial attractiveness? Posted: 10/29/2009 7:47:44 AM
First things first, reality TV by no means reflects the reality of the real world. Don't base your worth by what you see on TV. I say go for the work since it will help you w/ your confidence some, but don't expect it to be a magic wand for all of your problems. The external can help improve confidence, but there is no surgery that can fix something broken inside your head. Looks are important, but looks fade, so you need to have more to offer than just a pretty face. There are plenty of "unpretty" people that have confidence and success. Looks matter, but they are by no means the golden ticket to the good life. Don't put your life on hold just because you are going to be getting some work done. That is as shameful as saying "I will start dating when I lose that extra 10lbs" or "I can start dating when I buy that new car" or what ever. Besides, what if you pass up on an really good oppurtunity because you are waiting to look better? If she likes you when you aren't at what you feel is your best, she'll still like you after you have improved yourself. Besides, do you really want to be w/ some one who is so shallow as to write you off for not being 100% perfect?

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

How am I supposed to act on a first date? Posted: 10/29/2009 7:07:55 AM
Stop putting so much pressure on yourself or the other person! Geez, if you worry about all the minute details you miss the general picture. Stop worrying if there will be a second date, and enjoy the here and now. If you spend so much time worrying over every little thing, you are not going to come across as some one fun enough to spend a second date w/. So what if you do or say something wrong? It happens, it is called being human. If your date can't deal w/ it, obviously they aren't worth the second date.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

Are you a shoe slut? Posted: 10/29/2009 6:05:08 AM
LOL Not the Cable Guy-yea I know but she had like 6 prs of the exact same style for several styles, so if you go by the number of styles? She only had a few hundred. I think it was like 500 styles, w/ multiple pairs of the exact same style. I can do the 500 prs of different styles. I just need to find a room for my shoes to have a a happy home. LOL

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

Fall Shutter Up Phenomenon Posted: 10/29/2009 5:57:48 AM
Hmmm I do tend to "shutter up" after Halloween, but that has more to do w/ the cold weather than the hellidays. I don't do the traditional holiday things(big family gatherings, x-mas, gift exchanges), so that isn't the issue. But I really dislike going out in the cold, snow, and sleet more often than I have to. I do however see more people desperately looking for someone so they don't have to spend the hellidays alone. They want/need to have some one, ANYone around for the holidays just so they won't be alone. I actually notice more shiny, happy couple this time of year. I also think some are just looking for a bedwarmer for the season. But that may just be me.

EvilLolli

Joined: 12/7/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

Cyborgs...fact or fiction? Posted: 10/28/2009 10:14:54 PM
All you need to see is "How William Shatner Changed the World" on the history channel. LMAO Umm, there are some loons trying to become cyborgs now. I think the more we get from some convenience the more we lose in other areas of our humanity. JMO

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