IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? chat & forums.

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Thread: IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN?

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

IS IT TRUE THAT A WOMAN SHOULDN’T PURSUE A MAN? Posted: 11/6/2009 1:04:37 AM
I have no problem making the first move, but if just responding to my initiations is all I can expect from a lady then I lose interest. I don't mind being chased back!

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

What do ya think? Posted: 11/5/2009 1:08:06 PM
I understand adding in better pictures, especially a close up smiling 'mug' shot, and I will when I have the chance to shortly. But I am more interested in how the body of my profile is.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Please can you review my profile Posted: 11/5/2009 12:55:12 PM
The length is good over all, but I would expand more on who you are, what makes you unique, and what do you enjoy to do. Also talk abotu the kind of mate your looking for, what qualities are important to you, and what you are exactly looking for. I would delete the entry on the person not having a picture. It adds a slightly negitive and deffensive tone that you don't want. You wan't your profile to be cheery and inviting. Having the limitation of 'must have picture to message' at the bottom of your profile is enough. A few more pictures would help, especially ones where your smiling. Again you want your profile to be cheery and inviting.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

What do ya think? Posted: 11/5/2009 12:35:16 PM
I've been tweaking and twitching my profile, but not getting much for results. I know I could add more photos, but can't really do that at the moment. Any ideas on how I could improve the rest of it??

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

What does it mean when she dosent want to be in a relationship but Posted: 10/29/2009 10:51:47 PM
I'm only going to repeat what others have said, and trust me I was in the same boat as you. I tried to patch things up with her, I tried to understand her. But I'll tell you you won't patch things up and you still won't understand where she is coming from. She will keep you on a silver leash feeding your hopes and dreams just enough to keep you where she wants you till she finds some other guy. (whether she means to or not is not openm to debate here, its just how it is). So let me make this as simple as possible... EJECT! EJECT! RUN AWAY! Trust me, leaver her in the dust and go on with your life! Don't waste you time on what she means. Thats not your job to solve to that riddle. I bet she doesn't even know what she means her self!

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

male opinions please :) Posted: 5/6/2009 9:03:33 PM
I can totally understand the old gold rule of the girl waiting for the guy to make the first move, but at this I'd say forget the rule. If your interested in him for more then just idle chit-chat, LET HIM KNOW! Whats the worst that can happen? He lets you know he has a relationship. So what? You would be right where you are now, which isn't a bad thing at all.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 63 (view)

Nice guys finish last is a sad truth... Posted: 5/4/2009 9:34:13 PM
From my personal experience with things in general (not just women). Nice guys do finished last in a short sprint. But they win out in the end on a long cross country!

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Please .......Any Advice? Posted: 5/3/2009 10:03:59 PM
Love is unreasonable, confuzzing (yes I said con-fuzz-ing), and painful, but its also something we as human beings need. So don't feel foolish for loving him. ...Now what you must realize is that you have a birthday coming up and its an opportunity to start a new chapter. The chapter when you were with him is over, and the chapter of your grieving of the death of that relationship also must come to an end, and you realize this. You don't want to move on with your life as he did. He moved sideways to another person. You want to move forward, and improve your self. List everything you want to do with the rest of your life, then rank this list useing numbers 1-10. They can be all 1s or all 10s. The pick out afew of those things and work out a goal and a plan for getting them then work on it. You will grow through this pain, and you will write your self a new birthday feeling. Not one of loss and pain, but rather of freeing struggle and growth.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

What a waste of time! Posted: 3/7/2009 2:34:01 PM
It sucks, It bites. But what you have to do it look for the gold and diamonds among the coal that the person gave you, take them and then keep looking for the one that is made totally of gold and diamond. if a person can break up with you and be in a new relationship with in a few days time, they don't deserve you.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

how much time Posted: 2/18/2009 8:37:21 AM
Agree with above. My last relationship and pretty much a Friday and maybe Saturday kinda thing. I wanted to see her more, but we just had to work things around out schedules and do the best we could. It just depends on the people involved.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

Moving in, or not moving in Posted: 2/18/2009 8:34:50 AM
The way I see it, the only way I would move in with a lade, or she move in with me is if we were engaged and had a set wedding date, and so far the idea has served me well. Why deal with having to move out and split stuff up when the relationship fails? It hard enough as it is just getting back on your own feet with out having to deal with that after a break up.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 81 (view)

What makes a good lover? Posted: 1/17/2009 11:22:58 PM
Communication Willing to take the time and learn about the other person Willing to take the time needed to be completely comfortable with the other person A desire to want to please the other person, rather then being please your self

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 2 (view)

why do guys have to initiate everything? Posted: 1/17/2009 11:37:49 AM
I'm sure you have heard this alot, but just be your self. Just saying hi and talking about things that are going on never hurts as an ice breaker. In then end if they are not interested after you have tried to 'catch' them, why would you want to be with them in the first place?

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 3113 (view)

GUYS!!! If you met the right woman, could you wait for the sex till marriage? Posted: 1/13/2009 11:50:12 PM
Can't say I would. I wouldn't press the issue, but I would want to know if we clicked or not before we tied the knot.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 232 (view)

Why men don't marry anymore Posted: 1/13/2009 11:44:25 PM
I see it as an issue for both men and women. As it has been said before a marriage takes work to make it work. If either party is not willing to do their share, and at times more then their share, then a marriage will not last. At the same time there it possibly the old "the grass is greener on the other side" syndrome going on. After dating a while a party in the couple may want to find someone 'better' rather then realizing who they have. Then there is also the divorce issue. I am sure kids from divorced parents, especially kid's who's parents had a very bitter divorce, will not be all that keen on looking for a marriage for them selves since thye saw first have what happens with a divorce.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 11 (view)

I need to blow off some steam.... Posted: 1/13/2009 7:15:47 PM
Thanks all, just needed to hear it.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

I need to blow off some steam.... Posted: 1/13/2009 5:51:10 PM
"Dig deep and see if feelings of loss and failure are causing you to want her. " Bingo. I hope I was able to show that yes, I could tell that the situation was not a good one between me and her, and I still don't have much of an idea why. I have theories, but in the end I just throw my hand up in the air, and I accept it was bad timing, fit, situation what have you. Its not the idea of not having control. Controlling her was the last thing I wanted, but what hurt was how much emotion, and time I had spent in to everything and yet it fell apart despite my best efforts. In the end what bugged me so much much was that first she said I was the first really positive 'serious' relationship she had ever had. Second she said that I was the best guy she had ever had a meaningful relationship with. (I admit I still can't wrap my head around why she would want outif it was like that) . And finally I told her exactly how I felt, and I was always on the level with her. My folks divorced when I was 10, and with out going in to much more of that part of my life, I am sure you could understand it when I said that I took a lot of thought in to wanting to even talk to her about marriage. Trust me I did everything I could over the summer to get her out of my skull, besides becoming a total nuisance to society or a danger to my self. I graduated college, got my Flight Instructor Certificate, and even got a promotion at my current job, so its not like I used all of my time destructively. (only part of it heh ) Granted I am sure you can tell I have let her get to me as much as anyone can. But it still just drives me nuts when at one time we talk everything seems fine, then the next it seems like she wants nothing to do with me. Granted I have could been/be reading too much in to it, and in the end I could still be letting our history and my emotional closure (or rather lack there of) be messing around with my melon. But this yo-yo stuff drives me crazy. I figure should just let things be. I still care about her. I won't say I love her, but there is no demising the fact she was a hugely important piece of my life. Like a best friend who is gone. Oh well remember the good times and forget the bad (not like there were many bad times when I was with her).

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 1 (view)

I need to blow off some steam.... Posted: 1/13/2009 11:43:12 AM
This post may very well get deleted, but in the end I just need to get this 500lb gorilla off my back. And yes this will rival War and Peace for length. Little over a year ago my last relationship started to fall apart. I had been with her for about 2 years, and was a stones throw away from asking her marry me. (We had talked about it and she said that she wanted to wait a year as see) Over the course of 3 months me and her tried to patch things up. She was dealing with a lot of stress with her work and finances and was also deal with other personal issues as well. One night of December of 2007 she just wanted to call it quits. I tried to understand why, and in the end all she could tell me is that she was not the woman for me and that I deserved better. Well I obviously didn't get it. (and probably still don't). Two weeks later we got back together briefly for the holidays. Around this time she told me she had to move out of her current town home, she wanted to get her finances under control. Now that all fine and dandy, but the kicker was the she was moving back in with a guy whom she had lived with for 10 years, but they had never married. Well obviously this didn't sit entirely well with me. She asked what I thought of it, and I flat out said I didn't like it, but I understood the circumstances. Again she broke things off, citing the same reasons as she had done before. basically I deserve better. ( Still didn't get it) In Febuary I took over some books of hers. I was just going to give them to her, and that would be it. When I did see her she invited me in to her place to talk. Well needless to say when I saw her, my iron shield I have formed cracked like thin ice. We talked for four hours. I told her that I finally understood that she just didn't plain love me any more. (Bad Idea) I have never seen her so angry after that. We talked about her things, and she even said that she had thought of asking me to move in with her before, I said that it may not have improved anything. (But part of me still wonders why she never asked me too). We again said out good byes, but not before she had given me a gift for my birthday. Well needless to say I wasn't all that happy. (the book was fantasic though) On the day after Valentines day I wrote her a letter (I know BAD idea), and dropped it by her place (I admit that I did not know her mailing address). But I still cared for her a lot, and I figured if she saw the reasons why I still cared for her, she would understand where I was coming from. Well two weeks went by (I didn't call her prior to that) and one night she called her. We talked about how her family and my family were and about the weather, and then she brought up the letter. She basically said that while he letter was touching and heartfelt, it changed nothing. We said our goodbyes then and I figured OK I had given it my best shot. I still cared for her a lot, but the last thing I wanted to do was to be precieved as a stalker, something which I'm not. (she had some prior experiences of dealing with guys like that) Two months passed, not a work was heard from her, and I didn't try to contact her. Then again one night, she called me. I didn't pick up, and she left a message just wondering how I was. Part of me was happy to hear from her, but also part of me was ticked, after all I'm a human being, not a Yo-Yo! I thought about calling her, and not calling her. Well in the end my curiosity won out. I figured I had tried everything I could to make hr understand me, and none of it had done a thing. So I called her to see what she wanted. At first it started out as talking about the weather, family, jobs, but I wanted to cut the charades. In the end she told me that she had read my letter again and was even going to write me back, she said that she was confused. In the end I asked her if she still cared for me, what role she wanted me to play in her life, and if she wanted to make it work. I also asked her not to answer right away but to think about it. We met for coffee a few days later and decided to give things another shot, but with stipulations, she didn't want to talk to me every night, citing how tried she was from work that she could do it, and that I wouldn't be able to come see her, citing that her friend didn't like strangers in his place. (I understood that..... kinda) I should have cut and ran when she told me these things, but I wanted it to work, but this time I wanted to also see if she wanted it to work. We were together for two more months. In that time I helped her get ready move out of her place, and she moved in with her friend. I still didn't like the situation, but I understood it because of financial opportunity it provided for her, and she came to see me. As time rolled along, things cooled off badly. She would state that she didn't like the long drive to come and see me, and I proposed coming to pick her up. She never said anything about the idea. I grew more and more frustrated by the lack of connection that had developed. Two weekend before we finally broke up again I told her that I couldn't see her in my life. I was crushed to tell her that, and I was hoping that it would have sparked something in her, but when I told her that all I remember her doing it just sitting in front of me, and she said nothing about it... On a May night I called her and talked with her. I would have gone to see her, but I had no idea where she was living. And the long and short of it we broke up again. I was done trying to make the relationship work and help her while in the end I was running in to brick walls left and right, but we agreed to remain friendly. Two weeks passed and I was finishing up a few things, I called her to see how she was and to just say hi. A week later I received a letter, she told me how she was and everything, but the one piece that struck out at me was, "if we are to have any contact it needs to be in writing". She hoped I would accept the invitation to correspond. I had gone from an intimate person with her to just a pen pal at best. I did not hear from her for a month, I was angry. I thought about calling her, not calling her, and all between. Finally broke down and I called her again after I had learned that a close college professor of mine had passed away. I left a message just hoping she was doing well. A few days later she sent me an e-mail. Again she spoke about her friends and family and her work, and in the end she wanted to know how I was doing. She was also not the positive on ho thing were going in her life. she said that e-mail would be the best for now though we might be able to talk in the future. She said that she cared about the pluses and minuses of my life. Well that pretty much did it. I replied with a letter I had been writing for a month. In it I detailed that I agreed to break up with her not out of a lack of caring for her, but because I was done coming in last on her list of things to do. That I felt that now I had become a chore to her rather then a help. I was civil in the e-mail, but It was still angry, in the end I wrote to her that I hoped she would one day finally see her self as I saw her. I erased every trace I had of that letter. (The Summer of 2008 was not a fun one at all) Two months passed and I heard nothing from her... ... Until she sent me a text one September day, just asking me how I was. I thought I had deal with her by then, but when I got that text I broke down. I wasn't sure what to do. (and once again my curiosity got the better of me) I called her a week later and left a message. I heard from her a week later, and we talked for two hours. She said that she had read my last e-mail ( I was blown away by the idea that she had even kept it) and wanted to see how I was. We started talking again off and on. But as out conversations continued things were being said, but also going unsaid. She would even call me by personal nicknames she had for me. (That hurts) After I had finished everything to graduate from College I called her. I wanted to see her again, as soon as I said that she immediately went on the defensive saying only if it were for an innocent cup of coffee. (I took offense to that) I then brought up how I felt that we needed to clear the air between us, but she flatly said she wanted to keep the new chapter open, and the leaf turned. She had no desire to talk about he past. I backed off and told her that maybe seeing each other again wasn't such a hot idea. We said good by and I said I would call her soon. Two more months passed, and Christmas was coming up. Not an easy time at all, but I didn't contact her through Christmas. I wrote a text I wanted to send her, but I didn't. What was the use? The on Christmas day she sent me a text wishing me a Merry Christmas and hoping I was enjoying the time with Family. Now granted I may have been reading too much in to it, but I was ticked off that she would text me. I felt that the last time we talked she had made it clear she wanted nothing, NADA, ZIP to do with me. So I called her back a few days later, teller her I hoped all was well with her, but that I wanted to talk with her about a few things. She called back on 1/1/9, and we talked for a hour. I finally told her how I had felt about our last communication, and that I was being confused by what she wanted from me. I was honest in saying that the confusion was partly my fault because I still cared for her to much. She said she had hope that time had changed things for my feeling of her. A History is hard to change. I asked her what role did she want me to play in her life, and she said she wanted to be friends and see where life would take things. She just wanted to be able to know how I was doing, and she even told me that she had gotten a gift for me. In the end I just said she knows where I live. I couldn't/ didn't want to just tell her not to call me. I admit part of me would still like her in my life in some form, but talk about giving me confused signals. OK I feel better now thanks!

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

Is there....... Posted: 12/18/2008 7:30:52 PM
There are guys that fit your list, just as there are women out there that would fit any man's. The problem is that people are not willing to take the time and say" hi, how are ya" any more. Its amazing what you can find if ya take the time...

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 3 (view)

New Years Eve Posted: 12/18/2008 7:27:32 PM
Known my luck? Working... As well, I never celebrated New Years much any way. Besides time and a half is always good!

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

EXs(men) Posted: 12/18/2008 5:07:24 PM
Been with a guy and for three years and called it quits? As others have said, that is a ton of time to be with someone. But who started the break up? If it was you then for both of your sakes, if I was you, I'd sit down and tell him exactly why you wan things over. Trust me, nothing is worse than going through a break up and not to sure why things went bye bye. I'm sure the your ex is just not to sure why things are over. I'd personally rather take the full truth at point blank range then given shadows for reasons.

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 30 (view)

If you could take it all back, would you? Posted: 12/17/2008 11:10:31 AM
If you look back on your life some, if not most, of the best experiences you have had come at a price of risk. I don't care if it was going of to college or getting up and delivering a knock out speech to a group of people, or doing something you have been scared to do but have always wanted to do at the same time. In all of these thing we take risk in doing them. If you 'fail' one time are you going to let that 'failure' stop you from continuing on, and doing what you want? Or will you let it control you, and thus you will be a slave to your 'failure'? A year ago me and my old girlfriend of two years (I hate calling her an ex!) started breaking up. Over a course of 6 months we broke up and got back together three times. I tried everything to make things work, but in the end I 'realized' while love can be a one way road, a relationship takes two people to drive the tank. I'm still not sure entirely of what wasn't working. Yet I finally understood that irregardless of how much I tried and cared, things just were not working. So things ended between us. It wasn't easy, and it hurt a lot like how I hurt when my grandfather died, and when my dad left my mom. But ya know, I look back on my time with her with fondness. I found that I really do have the power to actually love another person. To take that fondness beyond crush, or caring, or Lust. To take in all of their faults, weaknesses, desires, strengths and accomplishments and truly love them for it all. That is an example true power right there. I wouldn't want it any other way. I'm not saying that the break up and the fall out after it has been fun, anything but. It really put a monkey wrench in to things, and left me with a hole that I had to fill. I tried filling it at various times since the break-up with non-positive things. I've tried to simply escape by day dreams or by traveling. But the healing has only truly come about by understanding I'm a good person and so is she, but in the end it wasn't meant to be because of timing, past experiences or what have you. I did everything I could and more, but while love is a one way road, it takes two to drive the tank. I wouldn't take any of it back. Now if you excuse me, I have to work on my jeep while I'm looking for a tank partner.

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