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Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Dating cliches Posted: 6/23/2009 10:08:49 PM
I'm sick of the bar / club scene. Even better is when they say they're sick of the bar or club scene, but all their pictures were taken in different bars or clubs!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 6 (view)

Relationships & People who travel frequently Posted: 6/11/2009 10:59:24 PM
My job requires me to travel frequently, and it does present its challenges. Some weeks I end up sleeping in hotel rooms more than my own, and that can cause anxiety in a relationship ... especially if there's any insecurity to be dealt with. On average, I do 1500 miles of travel each five-day week, and none of it by air! Problems can also manifest themselves in other ways. A good example would be one particular long term relationship I was in a few years back. Whenever I was home, I tended to need one day to wind down and relax after a week of travel. The girl I was dating wanted to go out and live it up. She would often complain that, "All you want to do is sit on the couch and watch TV." She didn't understand that sitting on my own couch, and watching my own TV, was something I didn't get to do every night, like most folks do. Eating at a restaurant when I was home, after eating at them all week at work, wasn't high on my priority list. On my end, I would get a little upset because it seemed like she wouldn't spend time with her friends while I was away, and would always seem to schedule nights out with them (with me tagging along) when I was home and hoped to spend time just with her. We talked it out, and through compromise, made the best of the situation. If I was home for a couple nights, we'd set aside one night for just relaxing and staying in, and the next night to go out on a "date night." We'd change up the days to keep from things from getting into a set routine, but we did our best to make sure neither one of us felt we had to sacrifice more than the other. It's not impossible to overcome, but the best way to deal with it is by making sure the relationship has a high level of healthy communication. Set aside quality time together that is not to be interrupted. Above all, it takes both partners working together to lessen the effects of frequent travel. If one is trying to make the best of it, but the other refuses to compromise, there's little chance it's going to work in the long run.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 4 (view)

How do I stop someone from harassing me on POF? Posted: 5/12/2009 6:20:42 PM
Sometimes it takes a day or two for POF to respond to a report. Even though they might not get to it right away, they will take action when it's required. Until then, just delete his messages without reading them. His email status will show if they're read or not before being deleted, and hopefully he'll just give up if he sees you're not giving him the satisfaction of actually opening the messages.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Have you been dated because you look like someone? Posted: 5/12/2009 1:25:17 AM
True story ... Back in the mid/late 80's, I went to college with a guy who was a regular on a teen/twenties afternoon dance show that was broadcast live in a major market. They would do the live show in the afternoon, take a dinner break, and then tape a second show for syndication on USA Network. He took a bunch of us from our college radio station down to be guests on the show ... including myself. Several weeks later, another friend and I went to a local under 21 dance club (I was 19 at the time). A few hours into the night, a girl taps me on the shoulder and asks if I she knows me, because I look familiar. I had no clue who she was, or why I would look familiar, but then she asks for my phone number and if we could go out sometime. A few minutes later, her younger sister comes over and the older one asks her if I look familiar. Her sister replies, "Yeah, he looks like that guy on the dance show who you thought was really cute but he hasn't been on since." "Oh ... yeah, that would have been me." So, yeah ... I got dated because I looked like myself on television ... except being just a little taller in person ... lol.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 41 (view)

Bringing a friend for the first meeting for drinks Posted: 5/10/2009 3:32:44 PM
But I mean, really, what were you gonna do if the two of them ended up hitting it off fabulously and left you there alone while they went out to have some fun? That actually happened to me once on an initial meeting. The girl wasn't familiar with the area we were meeting in, and brought her friend along. The friend was extremely extroverted, flirty, and a conversationalist. Instead of sitting next to her friend (the one I was supposed to be meeting), the "wing girl" sat next to me and wouldn't let her poor friend get a word in. She was also constantly touching my hand, shoulder, etc, and giving off the vibe that SHE was interested in me. I could see her poor friend sitting there getting frustrated, to the point she was giving her tag-along extremely dirty looks. No matter how much I tried to turn the conversation and focus back to the girl I had come to meet, the wing girl kept asserting herself as the dominant force. I didnt' date either one of them (distance was a factor with the one who I was talking with, and trying to date the friend seemed like a big no-no to me). I did make it a point to apologize to the girl I had come to meet when we talked in a follow-up phone call. She thanked me for trying to redirect things her way, and then brushed the whole thing off as her friend "being like that" when it comes to hanging out with groups of people. So ... if you do bring a friend, don't tell him and have her sit somewhere else in the restaurant!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 392 (view)

Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why? Posted: 5/9/2009 6:32:38 PM
Old men hitting on young girls has always and will always make me, and most other women I know, want to vomit But at least the older man is probably gentleman enough to hold your hair while you're worshipping the porcelein gods.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 122 (view)

Whats the problem with long hair on a guy ? Posted: 5/9/2009 1:43:57 PM
Honestly, I don't think it's as much about hair length, as it is style. If you've got style, you can make the long hair work ... just like guys such as Lorenzo Lamas, Anthony Kiedis (Red Hot Chili Peppers front man), or Sam Eliot. If you don't have personal style and confidence, you'll come across as goofy and awkward no matter how long your hair is. Before you cut it off, try updating your look first. The same length hair that may not be working now, might suddenly be seen in a new light.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 116 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 5/9/2009 1:14:02 PM
Do yourself a great service and read grey06gtvert's profile... in Yoda's voice - "Much to learn from him you will " Thanks for the vote of confidence!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Younger woman dating an older man Posted: 5/7/2009 2:33:35 PM
The typical rule of thumb bandied about is 1/2 the age of the older + 8 years. Where in the Life Handbook is this particular rule written? (sorry, but I just get a chuckle every time someone brings up this supposed "rule" of dating) To the OP ... each relationship brings its own set of obstacles and challenges. Life also carries no guarantees, so don't let the "you'll outlive him ... blah blah blah" naysayers get you down either. You're both adults. If you are attracted to each other, and feel it's got a chance, go for it!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 104 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 5/7/2009 9:43:16 AM
Grey06GTVert ^^^^^ Now if only YOU were looking to relocate the ladies of the UK would be more than happy to welcome you to our little Island. We love good manners and intelligence. Thank you, Minnx, I truly appreciate the compliment. To the OP ... from someone who has traveled a bit, the real answer is that there are beautiful women everywhere in the world ... including West Virginia (I've been there). As you get older, you'll realize there's more to beauty than the just the physical, and you need to stop getting in your own way if you truly want to discover the "secret" to finding love with such a woman.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 98 (view)

Best question ever asked. Posted: 5/7/2009 12:41:40 AM
Internet arguments are kind of like the special olympics. At the end of the race, everyone is still a retard. For someone who expresses a desire to become a writer, you could have at least quoted the saying correctly. As to the rest of your pretentious ramblings, they aren't even worth commenting on. SPS "Son, your ego is writing checks your body can't cash."

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 19 (view)

what is the difference between kinky and freaky to you? Posted: 4/16/2009 4:33:49 PM
Kinky = "Oh, yeah!" Freaky = "Oh, NO!"

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 61 (view)

Fed up with sex... Posted: 4/16/2009 4:26:02 PM
I'm sorry but sex stoned back in HS with my GF was HOTT!!! Dude, you were young AND high ... you probably thought it was the greatest sex ever undertaken by mankind ... while, in reality, you were screwing the bowl of cherry Jell-o she had in her lap. All kidding aside ... if the OP would rather smoke a few J's and sit arond playing video games, that's his business. With that kind of ambition, not many girls are going to want sex anyway. Sean "What are you people, on dope?"

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

revenge? Posted: 4/16/2009 1:26:41 PM
The revenge you speak of, such as the spamming, is going to do nothing more than validate her feelings that "abandoning" you was the right thing to do. As others have said, the best revenge is to move on as if none of it really mattered. You may feel much different inside, but that's for you to know, not her.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 13 (view)

nice guys finish last.... Posted: 4/15/2009 12:26:43 AM
But in all honesty i would just be yourself and being a nice guy with good intentions im sure you will find someone [in time]. Love comes when you least expect it, you never know where you will find it just because your not having the best of luck on here dosent mean anything. You could meet your mrs right in a shopping mall,gym,train and so on. The above words speak the truth. Keep the faith, and don't let a short term setback challenge your resolve. Want a good example? Last week I got asked out to lunch by a girl I had a HUGE crush on nearly 30 years ago. We were just kids, in middle school, and she wouldn't give me the time of day. I sent her all kinds of silly love notes, and all the usual stuff young teens did back then in their quest for attention from the opposite sex. I had pursued her all through high school, to no avail. Upon graduation, we drifted apart and hadn't seen or talked to each other for years. Lo and behold, we got reintroduced through one of the social networking sites, and now she's pursuing me ... including a VERY hot kiss after our lunch date ... a kiss that she initiated. When I asked her why it took almost three decades to get that kiss, she shrugged her shoulders and chalked it up to being young and ignorant back then ... and even went on to admit that she still has every single note I had ever sent her in middle school, because they made her feel special. Since then, we've gone out a second time and have talked nearly every day on the phone. As the above says ... when you're least expecting it ... your prospects can suddenly change ... and the foundation you build now, can pay off in the future.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 22 (view)

is it ok to get mad Posted: 4/14/2009 11:55:36 PM
One important question that nobody has asked ... Who broke off the relationship? If she was the one who broke it off, there's no doubt that it's completely normal to feel betrayed and mildly angry. If the OP broke it off, then it's nobody's business who she's out with, and completely out of line for him to be angry over anything.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 106 (view)

Going on a vacation by yourself? Good or Bad idea? Posted: 4/9/2009 3:13:26 PM
To the OP ... do not hesitate to travel by yourself! 3 out of the 4 cruises I've been on, were when I was traveling solo. At no point did the word "lonely" ever set in. In fact, when other travelers found out I was on the ship by myself, they'd go out of their way to invite me to join them. At times, it was a matter of having to choose which offer to take up! Many of the people I met were fascinated by the fact I was willing to "go it alone" while visiting other countries. Of course, on one cruise, having the dining room staff seat me and another guy who was traveling alone (he was taking a vacation from working the fishing boats in Alaska) at a dinner table with five VERY attractive and single ladies didn't hurt matters any!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 237 (view)

Would you date someone who is disabled? Posted: 4/9/2009 2:30:36 PM
Would I? Yes. Have I? Also yes! Dated a girl who was legally deaf for 18 months. She had a hearing aid, without which she couldn't hear any sounds at all. The only impact it had on the relationship, was every now and then she'd have to stop me in the middle of speaking (only when she wasn't looking, because she could read lips and sign language), when she needed to change her hearing aid battery. The relationship ended, but for reasons that would have affected any relationship regardless of her condition. I also have vitiligo (skin pigment disorder), and have found that many women have absolutely no problems with someone who isn't perfect.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Rude Celebrities Posted: 4/3/2009 9:19:54 AM
Why are you calling only the Euro players arrogant? Surely some of the homegrown and Canadian ones would be rude on occasion. My bad ... I should have clarified ... nearly 90% of the guys I dealt with were Canadian. The rest were from the USA. All of the pro players from Europe that I had met, were in fact from Canada. It was just amazing that all the NHL players I met, didn't have the chip on their shoulder that the guys who played in Europe did.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 26 (view)

Rude Celebrities Posted: 4/2/2009 9:08:45 PM
In the Denver area, they had a radio call-in show about athletes, and waitstaff said that hockey players are fun and tip GREAT, baseball players are ok, but football/basketball players are jerks (hard to please/deal with) and tip like crap. In my early 20's I worked at a hockey rink partially owned by an NHL player. Many of his team mates (he played for the Flyers) came in to help with the hockey camps, and they were some of the most genuine and nicest people you would meet. The one day I was just hanging out while not much was going on, and the one player came over and just started BS'ing with me like he had known me for years. A few minutes later, he realized they had "open hockey" for the public, so he put on his skates and went out to play hockey with the kids who came in for pick-up games after school. He literally just skated out onto the ice in his warm-up clothes and asked if they minded if he played too. Those kids probably never forgot that moment. Now, many of the European pro players? Arrogant, condescending pricks would be an understatement.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 40 (view)

Eharmony - Knowing What You Are Buying ? Posted: 4/1/2009 11:10:19 PM
It's amazing how many people their system says there are no matches for. I know two women who both tried eHarmony, and both were told they had no matches. The one didn't admit this until after we had been dating for six months We met on another site.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

I seriously have terrible trouble APPROACHING women. Posted: 4/1/2009 10:15:35 PM
Wether it's online or in person I always put my self down when I really want to talk to a lady. I mean I find it bothersome and sometimes knocks the wind out of me when I see women that simply take my breath away. I say things like, "she's way out of my league", or "she could never possibly like me". Three words: Self Fulfilling Prophecy If you believe you are going to fail before you've even started, failure is certain. Stop thinking of interaction as a means to achieve your goal. People are perceptive and can tell when you're using the conversation as a way to steer yourself toward a predetermined goal. Take it in smaller terms and enjoy the interaction on the level of not being on the sidelines when it comes to life. Every conversation doesn't have to be about getting a number or making a date. How can you show her you're interested without asking her out point-blank? "Nice to meet you, it would be cool to talk to you again sometime." You haven't asked her for anything, but she'll know you're interested. If she wants to talk again, she'll let you know it.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 27 (view)

G 20 who thinks Obama's gonna make everything worse ? Posted: 4/1/2009 9:28:25 PM
That's right, it was all Gerorge Bush's fault... Despsite... He raised questions about Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac back in 2003, and who voted against any investigation by the regulators, Obama. Chris Dodd and the democrats.. FOX revisionist history at its finest. The only problem with your "blame game," is that in 2003 the GOP controlled the Presidency, the House, and the Senate. The Democrats had little control or influence on matters then.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 17 (view)

The new U2 song Posted: 4/1/2009 8:17:18 PM
As someone who has liked U2 prior to their Live Aid appearance, this new album has really grown on me now that I've heard it a few times. The next single ("Magnificent") blows away "Get On Your Boots" by a longshot. I also went over the song "Breathe" with my drum instructor the other day. He's been playing for decades, and usually doesn't get too keyed up on songs unless they're really, REALLY good. He hadn't heard the song before, and was listening to the drum groove when he stopped the song, started scribbling note transcriptions, and restarted it from the beginning. This big smile appeared on his face, and he just sat there and said, "Wow, this song really rocks ... I had to hear that intro again ... Larry Mullen is playing triplets in 4/4 timing, but he's messing with the note spacing so that it's not really in strict timing and gives him this great sound. This is some very cool stuff." To hear that kind of praise from someone who isn't normally a U2 fan, and can deconstruct a song down to a single beat, then you know it's some good stuff.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 14 (view)

Double Occupancy reuqired...ARGHHHHHH! Posted: 4/1/2009 7:40:42 PM
I cruise a lot on Carnival and always book a 1A cabin which costs about 150%. All the other cabin categories are 200%. Just out of interest, how are you booking your trips? Through an agency that specializes in cruises, or directly through the cruise line? I've cruised on Carnival three times by myself and never paid more than the 150% single supplement. Last time they waived the fee completely and put me in a category 8 outside cabin at a double occupancy per-person rate. Part of that may have been due to me traveling off-peak, and booking through a high volume cruise-only agency. I was actually looking a few categories down because of the supplement, and they offered the upgrade and fee waiver as long as I put in my deposit that day. Who knows ... maybe they had my onboard account purchase history from past cruises in front of them, and they realized they wouldn't be losing any money!

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 49 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 4/1/2009 9:16:58 AM
Thanks TD ... and yes, those are often factors as well. Another false assumption I've seen thrown about, is that younger women who pursue older men have serious insecurity issues. In my own experiences, with the younger women who have approached me, is that it was the complete opposite. They were VERY secure, and VERY confident with themselves. They didn't spend time worrying about their peers thinking it would be creepy for her to be involved with an older guy. They pursued older men because that is person they found themselves attracted to, and they weren't going to let other people's opinions stop them. As for the guys being insecure for dating a younger woman, I'm not buying that argument either. If someone is that insecure, they're going to worry about what others think and be hesitant to get involved outside the "norms" of society. Especially with today's "Predator Paranoia," a guy who's that insecure is not going to get involved with a younger woman out of fear of being labeled a pedophile. Just look at some of the judgmental responses here on this thread. Would an allegedly insecure guy want to open himself up to that sort of societal backlash? Of course not ... they'd be too worried about what friends and coworkers thought, are people going to assume its his daughter when they go out, etcetera. Any of the men I've known who have dated significantly younger women, have been confident, successful, and motivated ... which is probably why those women were attracted to them to begin with. Yes, I've seen some younger women who were attracted to losers, but those women typically had a track record of bad decision making and were getting involved with losers of all ages, including their own. There's also no denying that there are guys out there who pursue ONLY younger women, because they're stunted emotionally or just a flat out perv. Typically, however, those guys tend to creep out women of all ages, and tend not to find any success in their pursuits. That's where I think some are mistaking the two, and confusing the pervs who chase girls unsuccessfully, with those older men that younger women find attractive.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 37 (view)

Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :( Posted: 4/1/2009 8:50:11 AM
Jeremy ... I have to agree with anonymouslyme on this one. You're still coming off as manipulative (as in, "I have an illness, please have pity on me."), needy, and controlling. None of those are attractive traits. There's really not much more that can be said, that already hasn't been covered. We're not bashing you ... just trying to offer words of guidance based on our own experiences. If you're not going to heed it, then there's no point continuing the thread.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 47 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 4/1/2009 8:00:00 AM
Spoken For ... I think part of the problem, is that many of today's late 20's/early 30's don't view themselves the same way the generation before them did. They simply don't view themselves as being that much older than the generation behind them. Many are going to grad school, and don't really get their first real job until they're approaching 30. Being a part time musician, I spend time here or there in bars or nightclubs on gigs, and you'd be amazed at the number of "older" guys/ladies who want to party like they're still in their early 20's, and don't plan on marrying until their mid-30's at best. At that same age, my parents already had two kids, three jobs, a house, and a dog. It might be 12 years on paper, but ask today's 30 year old how they perceive themselves, and you'd probably be surprised by many of the answers. A lot of others also seem to want to immediately label the 30 year old guy a perv, but those people fail to see how MANY (notice I didn't say all) girls in the late teens/early 20's "Girls Gone Wild" generation are EXTREMELY aggressive and open sexually, and find no shame in it. I maintain the social networking pages for a friend's band, and I've seen some of the pictures these girls upload as their main display image. Many of them would probably shock a good deal of you. Heck, about 7 years ago (I had just turned 35) I was propositioned to "hang out" by an extremely attractive 17 year old server at a restaurant my coworkers and I frequented. A few years later, she admitted that her intention behind "hanging out" was to try to get me alone to see if she could seduce me. Two years ago, at 40 I was asked out point-blank by an 18 year old girl hottie who worked at a fire department where my friend is a chief. At 18, she had already seduced a married man in his mid 30's and wasn't ashamed to admit it. And before anyone gets their shorts in a wad ... yes, I declined their offers. Neither girl had "daddy issues." Both had healthy, loving upbringings and stable families growing up. In either case, the girls were stunningly beautiful and knew how to use their looks to their advantage. Why did they pursue guys significantly older than them? Both said the same thing ... guys their own age weren't a "challenge" and bored them. They were tired of being fawned all over by guys that didn't intrigue them, and wanted what they thought they couldn't have ... the lure of the forbidden. With interracial and inter-faith relationships being much more accepted than they were in my generation, I can see how pursuing the "taboo" of an older guy might be one of the few ways early-adult women can "rebel" or try to thumb their nose at what others tell them is "right." Heck, during my high school years, if a girl wanted to piss off her dad, she'd bring home a long-haired heavy metal pothead. Since society is much more open-minded about things (not that it's evident by many of the replies in this thread) than they were 20 years ago, the taboo of the older man is one of the few remaining ways that today's young woman can employ "shock value" to assert their independence. So, in a nutshell ... let's not be so quick to assume that every 18 year old girl out their is a victim, and being pursued by some predator. Yes, a guy can say no ... but in many cases, the women are the aggressors and aren't as sweet and innocent as many would like to perceive them.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

Writing a letter to the person who broke your heart? Posted: 3/31/2009 11:11:47 PM
My form of final closure would be to delete her entirely from my life, my phone, and our internet friendships, but since there's a likely chance she will one day try to contact me again, I'd like to leave some room open for friendliness, with a lil bit of revenge on my part. Plus deleting her would make me look like I'm pissed, I'm not anymore, thanks to her I can now have fun again, and she can deal with seeing me happy with other girls and just enjoying life. Not to sound harsh, but please keep trying to convince yourself ... because your claims aren't fooling others. If she truly didn't matter, and you were really having fun with other girls and enjoying life, worrying about her and/or how she feels should be the LAST thing on your mind. The whole "revenge" mention gives it all away. Confidence and happiness usually don't intermingle with thoughts of revenge.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 28 (view)

Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :( Posted: 3/31/2009 4:55:00 PM
omordako ... Look, I realize you're hurting and it feels like your world is crashing down ... but, honestly ... you're not listening. The letter is NOT going to help you. Do NOT send it. WALK AWAY and stay busy with CONSTRUCTIVE behavior. Walking away is the only hope you have at salvaging anything with this girl. Do you want to end up with a restraining order against you? That's where it may end up if you don't give her space and back off. I'm sure you mean well by the letter, but you're moving from desperation to borderline stalker behavior. One question you need to ask yourself ... are you really asking us for advice, or are you just trying to validate behavior that the majority of people here have advised you against?

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 20 (view)

Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :( Posted: 3/31/2009 11:32:07 AM
I asked if I sound stupid/desperate...she said yes. She ended the call by saying she has to go to class, which is a lie because her classes are all done in the morning... What do I do now? We've already told you. Stop trying to keep in contact with her, and MOVE ON. You've scared her through your actions, and you're still trying to manipulate her with lies in an attempt to get her back ... which is NOT going to work. Walk away NOW ... there is nothing you can do to "fix" anything. The harder you try, the worse you are going to make things. The ONLY chance you have at rekindling a romatic relationship with her, IF at all, is by putting a lot of distance and time between you and by working on your own self-destructive behavior. And, to be brutally honest with you, she's probably lying through her teeth about not being in a relationship, if you know she's lying about other things. No matter how many times you ask us, the answer is going to be the same ... move on and learn from this. You cannot control the path she takes, and running after her is only going to push her farther away.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 33 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/31/2009 11:10:26 AM
If the legal age was 15 or 16, a lot of people would freak out. Just because its correct on legal paper does it make. I still feel at the age of 18, you are still learning a lot and you have seek out everything yet. If you are looking at at the fact they are both adults because they are both of "legal" age. If she was 15 or 16 and that was the legal age, would you still called both of them adults? What's there to understand? We can play "what if" from now until the world ends ... but all the "what ifs" don't change the fact that it's their choice who they date ... nobody else's. All anyone is doing by saying "what if," is justifying the interference in her private affairs based on the presumption that they feel she's not mature enough to know what's right for her. Only SHE can make the determination. It will either prove to be right, or it will prove to be wrong ... but that's her choice and her mistake to make. Why is that so hard for people to grasp? You, and your friend, cannot live her life for her no matter how strongly you feel about the matter. No matter how well intentioned you may be, not allowing her to think for herself is going to make her resentful and push her toward the guy you think is wrong for her.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 16 (view)

Left me for another guy in a matter of no time :( Posted: 3/31/2009 9:31:51 AM
I'll give her space and see what happens. How long should I wait before contacting her again? 3 days? a week? 2 weeks? a month?? Try NEVER. Move on with your life, and stop worrying about her. What if she contacts me in meantime, do I respond? If I respond it'll seem like im desperate and waiting for her though..isnt that a bad thing? So maybe i should ignore her and respond a couple days later? Worrying about what she might do, and what you should do in response, also points to desperation. Yeah, it sucks being heartbroken but the world doesn't end with one girl who cheated on multiple boyfriends. She's not going to change for you. Move on with your life and stop trying to guilt her into coming back to you ... that's very manipulative and controlling. If she tries to contact you, don't respond. If she's persistent, talk to her briefly after a few months have gone by. Keep it amicable and friendly, but short.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 23 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/31/2009 8:38:47 AM
This whole subject of age difference is notably an often recurring theme in these forums, and frankly, I'm a bit perplexed as to why it continually resurfaces... Probably because many people fear what they don't understand ... and fear often leads to judgment. They don't understand how two people of dissimilar ages could find a common bond, therefore they dismiss the possbility outright. Of those who take issue with age gap relationships, I'd have to wonder what their answers would be if, instead of age, it was another factor ... such as a couple dating outside their race, religion, or political beliefs. If they suddenly said race or religion don't matter, then how is age any different when it comes to two adults? The cultural differences between race, religion, or political ideology can easily trump the factors maturity or "life experience" bring to a relationship. I've also seen how many people write one set of rules for themselves, but then conveniently overlook them when it comes to deciding what they think is "right" for others. A good example would be one of my aunts. She married a significantly older man of a different race (she's caucasian and he's hispanic). Nobody judged her on it, and everyone in the family accepted him. But, her son married an African-American girl, and she's all but disowned him. It's amazing how her views suddenly changed when it comes to someone else. Unfortunately, such hypocrisy happens all too often in the country ... especially when it comes to worrying about what other people do in their private lives.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 12 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/30/2009 10:39:20 PM
This might be legal but it is still sickening and just wrong a 18 year old is still just a child compared to a 30 year old Well, that's your opinion and you're entitled to it. Best advice I can offer, is not to date an 18 year old if one asks you out. But, that doesn't mean others have to agree with the way you feel about it. It they happen to not share the same opinion, and they're not breaking any laws in pursuing their happiness, then who are any of us to judge them?

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 9 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/30/2009 10:18:53 PM
Lets say a "what if" what if they were just 3 years younger he would be 27 and she would be 15 what you you sat then and what would you say if that was your daughter That's a ridiculous question ... because now you've changed the scenario so that she's not a legal adult. At 18 she's got rights that she doesn't have at 15, so how can you even compare the two? When your kids reach legal adulthood, at some point you have to trust that you've instilled good judgment in them, and that they can make their own deicsions. If you're trying to make decisions for someone who, in the eyes of the law, is a legal adult capable of making their own decisions, then you're being overprotective.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 8 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/30/2009 10:14:15 PM
btown ... I understand completely where you're coming from. In all reality, he may be the better choice than the 30 year old. But, if she's that unstable she might not be the best choice for your friend ... especially if he's been hurt and not yet overcome it completely. At 18, there'a also going to be no telling her that you know better. We've all been through those years, and back then we always knew better than those with years of wisdom on us ... at least in our own minds. To those who just dismiss the age difference on principle ... if it was a situation where my 18 year old daughter had to choose between a respectful, responsible, and well meaning 30 year old, versus a guy her own age who had no job, no responsibility, and was just out to get into her pants, that 30 year old would sure have my stamp of approval! I'm not saying that it's the case here (and I'm not dissing btown's friend, he sounds like an upstanding guy), but numbers don't always tell the full story.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 5 (view)

30 year old guy dating an 18 year old girl Posted: 3/30/2009 9:54:21 PM
They're both legal adults, so who they date is their own business. It's one thing to express concern, but if you push too hard it's going to be perceived as meddling, which only causes resentment and shuts the other parties off to any advice you might render. Part of being an adult, means making mistakes on your own. Your intentions are genuine, but since they're both adults it's not really your place to judge or get involved in the matter ... just as you probably wouldn't want someone to interfere in your own personal matters. As a friend, you can be there to offer support when things fall apart, but beyond that it's up to them.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 7 (view)

Is this a self-esteem issue with men? Posted: 3/30/2009 7:43:40 PM
So why is it, in your opinion, that men and women so willingly take someone back that's been sexual with someone else? Could it be that I'm way too territorial when it comes to my lover's privates? Or is it that people like my friend have a self-esteem issue? Is it both? I think it depends largely upon the situation. If you take the person back once, it may not be so much about self esteem as it is realizing they're human and may deserve a bit of forgiveness. If you're doing it over and over again, then it's called "enabling" and points to self esteem problems. Went through that once with a woman I was in a LTR with. Everything seemed OK, until she and her friends had a birthday party for a male friend. After the party, she suddenly "didn't know what she wanted" and "wanted space." (Why people assume we're stupid and don't know what that means, I don't know). Less than a week after breaking up, she starts dating him. Two months later, she calls me up telling me she made a huge mistake and really missed me. We took things slow, and I made it clear she had used her one and only free pass for straying. Over and over again, she assured me being together is what she wanted with me. You guessed it, six months later she goes out for a weekend with her friends, and the same exact thing comes up. She meets some guy who's a friend of a friend and suddenly doesn't know what she wants relationship-wise. I solved that one for her ... told her we were done because I wasn't going to get into a cycle of dysfunction or only be there when it was convenient for her. I haven't looked back since. I'd rather be single, than be someone's doormat. Your buddy needs to man up and take control of his own destiny. The behavior isn't going to stop until he decides he's not going to put up with it any longer.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 60 (view)

Date a Seperated Person...Depending on.... Posted: 1/5/2009 10:43:22 PM
This is one of those topics I wish I had found and printed out several weeks ago, when a friend of mine was just starting to date a guy she met through her work (he was a customer of the credit union she works at). She's 23, and is still hurting over her last relationship that ended in the summer of '08. The guy she just started seeing mid-December is 32, and is separated from his SECOND wife. He's got three kids as well, of which he has custody (his second wife supposedly left him). One look at his myspace page, and you could tell he was in no emotional shape to be dating anyone. EVERY place he could enter customized information, he used the space to bad mouth his "soon to be ex wife" (who is also the mother to one or more of his children). When I asked her about it, she brushed it off as, "He did it as a joke." Rrrrrright. It hasn't even been three weeks that they've been dating, and suddenly she's proclaiming her love for him, and how he's the greatest guy in the world (even though he still has several slanderous remarks about his ex-wife on his myspace page). He's quickly trying to integrate her into his family, having her do stuff with his kids (which to me is dead wrong ... you don't confuse the kids like that, no matter what happened, and work them slowly into a new relationship ... especially if the divorce proceedings even been started yet). He's even gone so far as to buy a new puppy, so they all have something new to share together. As much as I want to ask her if she's gone insane (since just before she went out with him, she was proclaiming how she wanted to do so much on her own and remain single for a while), all I can do is sit back and watch her make her own mistakes, and be there with emotional support when it all comes crashing down. Such is life.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 416 (view)

Whats the Best Accent you've hear that you love... and why Posted: 1/5/2009 9:54:58 PM
In no particular order, my favorite accents to hear in a female's voice are ... 1. Australian 2. Southern 3. Russian/Eastern European As for girls with Russian/Eastern European accents ... several years ago I was on a cruise, and the****ail server for our section was a very attractive twenty-something girl from one of the former Soviet states. No matter how hard she tried, she just couldn't pronounce my name right. But, she sounded so sexy trying to say it that I just couldn't bring myself to even think of trying to correct her! Beyond that, she was a great worker. Went on the same ship 6 months later, and she remembered my name, what I drank, what I did for a living, and that I was traveling solo.

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 111 (view)

Does anyone else here pay attention to the backgrounds of the profile pics? Posted: 1/5/2009 3:55:03 PM
Yeah, get a gander on myspace .com and you'll see tons of people , every picture of them is with them with their friends drinking and getting drunk and a drink in hand. Red flag. I realize the post I quoted was from some time ago, but I think he was talking about an ex girlfriend of mine! EVERY picture on her myspace page was of her and her college friends, with a drink in her hand. In a few of the pictures, she was so bombed that she was literally cross-eyed when they took it. When we broke up, I told her I thought she had a drinking problem (more like cheating when she was drunk, but that's a different story). When she denied it, I asked her which one of the 60+ pictures on her myspace page (all of which were public) showed her in a state of sobriety. She couldn't answer it, and actually had to look for one. So, yeah ... drinks in every photo on a profile ... HUGE red flag ...

Grey06GTVert

Joined: 12/13/2008

Msg: 104 (view)

Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right.... Posted: 12/22/2008 11:17:54 PM
To the OP ... In regard to his claims of working for CSX, I would have given him the benefit of the doubt concerning the held off medical by the company's doctors. I work in the same field, but for a different company, and I've seen guys held out by the company medical department for MONTHS after their personal physician approved them to go back to work. That part is very plausible, based on my own experiences. However, that benefit of the doubt lasted only until you came to one important detail, where he said he works part time as a local police officer. Having a second part time job on the side doesn't usually mix with what he claimed his full time position was. The full time job is usually demanding enough that a part time job to supplement it(other than owning a side business where you can set your own hours) is extremely tough. Is it possible? Maybe. Probable? Not likely. Even so, if I was out of work and trying to start a relationship, I sure as heck wouldn't be late for every date, and the cellphone would be shut off. To keep you waiting for 20 minutes was both tacky and rude. If money were that much of an issue, there are still any number of inexpensive ways to meet up in a classier setting than a fast food joint. IMHO, you did the right thing by ditching him.

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