are children meant to test our personality types? chat & forums.

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lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

are children meant to test our personality types? Posted: 8/13/2009 6:40:59 PM
LOL, I know exactly what you mean...my son wakes up FULLY AWAKE and ready to GO, talking non-stop, lots of energy, go-go-GO!! He has always been like that, and I know it doesn't come from me at all. My daughter is much more like me, she will wake up all sleepy-sweet and want to just snuggle in my lap for at least the first 5 minutes of her day, then she goes about her business.....been trying to "train" my son to at least be quiet when he first wakes up for the past 9 years-he hasn't changed a bit, yet, LOL. I really think if/when they finally unravel and decode the whole DNA thing we are gonna see some surprising things are inborn and genetic. It is good you recognize your daughter's distress with harshness and tried to correct it. The way I see it, if every parent were perfect all the time, nobody would be walking or talking because all needs would've been met-perfectly- by mom, at birth. Struggles, even small ones, teach us something, whether it is teaching you to be more patient, my son to hush, me to wake up faster, or your daughter to take it in stride, I am not certain, but I think, maybe some of all of that.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

As a single parent, are you more independent? Posted: 5/26/2009 6:16:58 PM
Kind of a chicken/egg question, isn't it? Do we have to be independent by neccessity, or are we single because of that independent streak...or maybe it is a self-fulfilling prophetic cycle? LOL, in my family, I come from a long, long line of single, or semi-single moms. My Great-great grandmother was widowed by typhoid fever, I believe it was, while she had 2 small children to raise. Her daughter went on to marry a man, and -gasp-divorce him when her daughters were grown, after years of mental and emotional abuse. My grandmother, her daughter, married a wonderful man, who was drafted overseas as she was learning of her pregnancy, he did not come back until the baby(my mom) was walking. My parents separated when I was about 6 months old. Maybe I am not all that independent, but rather, am only living what I was taught?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Interpretation please. Posted: 5/26/2009 6:08:10 PM
Trust your gut.....if he has cell phone problems, is he mentally challenged enough that he could not find a land line to call you from? Even if it had to be after his cruise-come on, if he were THAT interested, he would have found a way.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

Another Nice Guy Thread... Possibly the Answer To It All Posted: 5/26/2009 6:00:40 PM
EVERYone, men and women, needs some validation, some of the time, and from different people at differnet times in his/her life. I personally, however, do not want someone who is wishy-washy, who cannot go against the crowd when it matters to him, or who is overly needy. I have a demanding career that takes a lot out of me emotionally, I have 2 small children, and 2 dogs. At the end of the day, I do not have an awful lot left to give someone, so if he is needy, he is much more likely to find what he seeks elsewhere. I am seeking more of an equal partner in that realm. As for question#2, I think it depends on the circumstances. I prefer that they ended on friendly terms...but it bugs me a bit if they are still just great pals-kinda makes me wonder why it ended to start with...likewise if they hate each other and never speak again-makes me wonder what he did that was so awful-each story is different, though.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 166 (view)

What are we doing? Posted: 5/26/2009 5:52:03 PM
'Cause if we were lucky enough to meet that special someone in our 20s, we either grew together, in ways that were complimentary to or compatible with each other, or we grew apart. And if we grew together, then we wouldn't be here, and therefore would have no idea what your ? is asking. But if we either 1-did not meet that certain person, or 2-met them and grew apart from them, then now , in our 30s, we have grown and evolved into much more than the folks we were in our 20s (I hope!) and therefore we have longer "shopping lists".

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Why don't women call/text back? Posted: 5/4/2009 6:38:55 PM
You met them at a club, right?? My best few guesses would be 1-They were SO drunk they forgot who you were, and are now afraid you are some weirdo, 2-YOU were SO drunk that what you thought of as suave and gentlemanly, was actually creepy behavior, 3-Like she said, they are too immature or wimpy to just say, thanks, but no thanks, or 4, after you left the love of their life walked in, and they eloped to Vegas already, so you will never hear from them again...I think you should give 'em 1 call/text after meeting like that and if there is no response, lose the number...

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 145 (view)

Is it wrong to report / turn in illegal Aliens Posted: 4/9/2009 8:06:13 PM
I have a very financially well-off friend, who came here, legally, from Ecuador, to pursue her bachelor's degree and see the world. After graduation, she got a job. The governmental agency that hired her KNEW that she was here on a student visa that would soon expire, and hired her anyway. She did an awesome job, and of course, was bilingual-receiving no extra pay for that knowledge. As her student visa expired, she learned that she could not legally remain here and continue to work, even though she ahd a very expensive attorney, a degree, a secure productive job, and many contacts. She had to go back because the agency that hired her would not agree, in writing, to pay the cost of her airfare home, if she should be fired or quit within the first 3 years of employment...those were the terms of a work visa that she could have gotten. She even offered to put it in writing that she could and would happily pay her own way home, should her employment end. With a college degree, her own money, family money, and many contacts within government....she couldn't manage to be here legally. How can anyone reasonably expect an ignorant uneducated poor farmer, or an illiterate mother, or someone with a 5th grade education to even know it is illegal, let alone know how to do it legally? Or, for that matter to be able to do it at all?!?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

Is it wrong to report / turn in illegal Aliens Posted: 4/5/2009 7:44:52 PM
This whole thing is a personal soapbox issue for me, in case you couldn't tell. On a shorter note, it reminds me of a cartoon I saw that showed a caucasian man in a conservative suit and tie holding a sign that said "Go back where you came from!!!" Next to him was a slightly angry looking Native American Chief, in full head-dress, with his arms crossed, saying, "Come on and I will help you pack!!"

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Is it wrong to report / turn in illegal Aliens Posted: 4/5/2009 7:41:16 PM
If I had a family to feed, and absolutely could NOT find work here, and there were no social services to help, you bet your a$$ I would follow that cousin's neighbor's uncle's friend, who was getting paid $1200/month up in Canada to pick grapes, or work a drive-thru, or lay bricks, or mow the grass. Yep, if it was that or starve, I would G-O....and if it was impossible to get there legally, because of the exorbitant fees for lawyers, and rules and regulations, and somebody was up there sending me job offers, even offering to pay my first month's rent if I would come now and work for them? Sign me up, cause here I go....documentation or no. Sure, report them, and watch as INS or ICE, or whoever does NOTHING....because they know that these folks contribute far more to us than they could possibly ever take away from us. In Social Psychology, there is a concept known as "in-grouping/out-grouping" and it seems to me that since the economy started tanking, that is precisely what is going on, and it is the Hispanic population being targeted. In a nutshell it goes like this, there is a group of people, and we all fit together, some come later, others were here longer, some female, some black, some Hispanic, Indian, some male, whatever, all kinds, ok? And suddenly, something bad, and seemingly overwhelming happens. Slowly, the ones that look similarly to each other tend to turn towards each other, and a scapegoat faction is decided upon....that small group is now "them" and everyone eles is "us". So instead of one group, there are now 2, and guess who gets blamed for all of everything that goes wrong? Sure, turn them in, they DO usually speak another language......oh, wait, I don't speak Cherokee or Choctaw or Seminole....should I leave, too? It happened here in OK during the oil crash of the 80s...only it was women then. And I am sure a part of it is that Hispanics in general tend to not assimilate as quickly as most of our forebears-being for the most part German-did, and a part of it is because Hispanics (often) physically look different (darker skin and hair, etc)...which is scary because THAT makes me think of what we Americans did to many Asians during the 40s-50s (camps....literally rounded them up and put them behind wire fences, robbing them of their stature in society, their dignity and their property, not to mention their basic rights as citizens, let alone people). Fences are SCARY-when will people GET that? Seriously? Here in OK, where we are not known for being progressive, a person has to provide both a copy of a birth certificate and a social security card in order to qualify for any "welfare" benefits, such as Medicaid, FoodStamps, etc. They aren't draining our system, it would be impossible to do so, with those checks in place. ...if that was their intent, but it is not. Have you gotten to know many illegal Hispanics?They tend to keep together a lot. Understandable with today's climate, but they are very friendly people. The men I know all have either 1, 10-14 hr/day job, or 2-3 more normal jobs, and the women tend to stay home and take care of the kids, sometimes working part-time in the evenings when the Papi can be home with the kids. They are very nurturing family systems, and often there is not the strife and discord one sees in many more "American" homes. The biggest break down occurs when the women, usually more house-bound, (and sometimes the men, who work on crews where everyone speaks Spanish, so why bother learning?)do not learn English as quickly as the kids-who are learning it daily, at school. They then tend to use the kids as interpreters, placing adult responsibilities and pressures on them, and trusting them not to abuse that power, and this upsets the power in the household. This is compounded by their not wanting to get too far into a culture that has suddenly, within the last 5-8 years, turned very unwelcoming and hostile towards them, their subsequent fear of authorities, and fear of deportation. When they are illegal and they work, they typically use the social security # of a person from whom it was stolen(although since most of the illegals have only a 6-8th grade education, they did not have the wits to have stolen them themselves), or the # of a dead person. They pay into our social security and payroll tax systems, as well as into our sales taxes and sometimes, into property taxes, as well. They cannot reap the benefits of those years of paying into the US system, many do not even want to. Either the # gets found out before they retire, or because many of them work at dead-end, low wage/high danger jobs, with no benefits-and they cannot access decent healthcare-many die before they can retire, and many more simply take the 1/2 a paycheck they ahve been putting back for a decade or two, and go back to Mexico to retire, where that money will go much farther. In any event, the majority of them leave those tax monies behind, for us, as oh-so-priveleged U. S. citizens-to do with as we will. I think they see it as their dues for being here. All they want is a chance to earn a decent living. If I am too good to want a job at McDonald's (frankly, after I served my time in fast food and retail before college, I AM too good to work there), and if I have no intention of following the sun and picking various crops all over the country and all day long and getting paid by the pound, then why should I begrudge anyone else those jobs? Last time I heard, it is not those jobs where there is a growing unemployment, but it is those slightly up the ladder where the impact is hitting hardest right now, and I would bet a fair sum that those are jobs that an uneducated illegal could not get even should s/he aspire to it, in any event. They aren't taking food from me or mine, and since you have a computer and internet, I doubt they are taking anything away from you, either. The vast majority of those I have known (maybe 95%) who has ever come from another country, illegally or otherwise, has been hard working and clean, drug and (major/violent)crime free.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

A Change of Scenery Posted: 4/5/2009 7:00:32 PM
I have always admired folks with the guts to be able to do that, but those I know, who have been successful at it, have at least had a job option lined up prior to the move. I know a woman who moved from Oklahoma City to Tulsa (about 90 miles) after the interview in the 10 days she had before actually starting the job, she found a roomate on some website, and voila. I have a cousin who just up and moved to AZ from TX after college, found his job online, interviewed over the phone and poof! I think a person has to have a certain amount of charisma and chutzpah to make it turn out well, and I for sure think you need to research or actually find the job first, but sure, go for it!

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Do you REALLY owe the national debt? Posted: 4/5/2009 6:43:17 PM
This post may be all disjointed, but the points are valid.....it occurs to me that by accepting the priveleges that come to us in our country, we are, in a way, accepting the terms, (which are that we will abide by the laws), to prohibit sheer anarchy. Any group of people that wishes to cohabitate, or unify, or anything similar, has to agree to follow the rules. In our system, we get a say in what those rules are. Not as big a say as some might like, and sure, I still choose to speed if I think nobody is watching, but I pay my ticket with a minimum of kvetching when I get it, because while I think I can handle driving at a high rate of speed, do I really want everbody out there to go 80mph?! Um....no, I do not, hence, I follow the rules. and IF a rule is that we pay towards the national debt, then fine. Ok, fine, I am not paying on the debt, and I can argue all day long about payment of taxes, however.....and the IRS will come haul me to prison for failure to do so. So, if a portion of my taxes-sales tax, property tax, income tax, whatever tax....if a portio of that money goes towards paying the national debt, or a portion goes towards paying the interest of said debt-I, mere peon that I am, cannot change that. When I vote in an election, I am voting for the candidate whose ideals and beliefs are closest to my own, but also I am placing my vote of confidence in him/her to NOT incur unnecessary debt for me to pay on. I am certain that there are times that s/he votes in a way inconsistent with what I believe in, and possibly even in a way that I would view as fiscally irresponsible, but in a representative sort of government that is what we get. And being both a government employee and a Democrat, LOL, I kind of think there are some things the taxes go for that are necessary for society to continue to thrive and grow. And since I am unaware of any true, pure democracies out there, and I am quite lazy and the idea of moving really bites, I will settle for allowing that portion of my taxes to go towards what debts we, together, collectively, as a unified people, have run up.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 66 (view)

Freewill and an omniscient being, a contradiction. Posted: 4/5/2009 8:44:06 AM
If one assumes there is a God, and He is omniscient, all knowing, and all powerful....would it not be egocentric on our part to assume then that He can only do or know things that we can envision or think of? I always assumed that choices were like roads. It is possible to take Route 66, for example, from one end of the country to another. But I just read a story about a guy who is going across country without using a car, and in many cases, he will be travelling by water, so I doubt he is taking that same route. There are many roads to reach the same destination. That is one of my theories. Another is that possibly, God is so powerful that he knows which branches are open at each crossroads, and can foresee the outcome of any and all of our choices or decisions before we even make them. Maybe He knows that when faced with the choice, I could choose A or B, and A leads to X, while B leads to C. And maybe He knows, at the same time, that X has no choices, while C leads to D or F, and D leads to G or H, and F leads to X or Z...and so on, throughout my life, from before the time I was conceived. Those are just my humble, human thoughts, but both of those ideas negate that one of yours that If a being can see the future for everything then this means everything has a set path and that this cannot be changed and I am sure an omniscient being can come up with a jillion others.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 32 (view)

What if our egos died? Posted: 4/5/2009 8:34:50 AM
What is a brain but a system composed of individual brain cells? Which one is "you" the individual; or is it too scary to think that "you" might be an entity who is the aggregate sum of billions of individual cells, none of which has the ego to assume its role in the brain as an individual? That is a scary, scary thought. My brain cells and I are going to hide under the covers now, and drink some cocoa.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Can God be challenged conversationally? Posted: 4/4/2009 8:18:15 AM
If you and I can argue and debate within our own minds, and to ourselves, can't God do the same?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you REALLY owe the national debt? Posted: 4/4/2009 8:15:17 AM
"Why is it that we are FAR more productive (and profitable) than say 100 years ago, but 100 years ago, very few countries had a national debt at all and the ones that did didn't really owe all that much?" LOL....for the same reason that my grandmother, born in 1924, worked part-time, raised 2 kids, kept up a wonderful marriage, washed the clothes by hand, hung them out to dry, cooked a full, well-balanced, delicious meal every night-from scratch, walked almost everywhere she went, took a bus almost everywhere else, avoided drugs and alcohol, and got her milk and ice delivered to the house on a regular basis-and still had time to perm her neighbor's hair, keep her house clean, and play card games with her friends........while saving a ton of money from her income......... But I, born with all the modern "advantages" in 1974, while working full-time, traveling in my own car, buying most of my groceries once or twice a month, raising 2 kids on my own, and in full possession of a microwave oven, an ice-machine, a washer and a dryer, cook or heat up at least 1 dish in said microwave most meals, have never made from scratch biscuits, bread, or pie, and I rarely have time for friends, much less for perming other folks' hair!!.and I cannot seem to save a dime.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 27 (view)

What if our egos died? Posted: 4/4/2009 7:56:57 AM
I always thought that ego, superego, and id were simply contructs, and a way of thinking about how we as people think...so, if we suppose that the ego died, would that mean that all thoughts of self go away, but others remain? If so,then we would have lots of constraints, rules, and knowledge of consequences, lots of "shoulds" and "ought to"s (super ego thoughts), and lots of "gimme!" and "wouldn't it be nice to X (drink an entire 5th of whiskey/screw everyone who looked hot/eat an entire pizza/sleep in and never work)"-or id thoughts...........but no in between ground of knowing how the consequences of the super ego's fears would impact us as individuals, no rational assessment as to the liklihood of getting caught, no drive or ambition to make our lives better, no concept of ourselves as an integrated whole. I think with any 1 piece of the construct missing, we would essentially be paralyzed and unable to act, because of the extreme polarization of the remaining 2. Each of the 3 needs the other 2. And all are constructs designed to better assist with thinking about thinking, and therefore, none is neccessarily all good, or to be desired, or all bad, or to be avoided. Stop demonizing my ego! LOL. (I have more issues with the super ego, personally)

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

OMG! You Can't Be Serious! Posted: 4/3/2009 6:52:04 PM
LOL....I think some of the take it or leave it/black and white/yes or no of the questions are because it was designed by a man.............only a woman can appreciate all the 89gajillion inferences that can be made from those deceptively simple-sounding questions....with no room to explain.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

Do I tell Mom? I think it's my daughter's place here... Posted: 12/14/2008 8:24:32 AM
Daughter should tell her if she can...and if she cannot, then the price of Moms previous stupidity is not knowing about an important step in her daughter's life, until way after the fact. She is lucky to have such an involved and educated father. I would start explaining to her, and the younger ones now, though, whatever your moral position is on sex, and also, how much physically better it is for a female if she waits a while, 16 is young, but she is better off well-prepared than not!

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 90 (view)

Why are we on top of the food chain ? Posted: 11/18/2008 8:06:39 PM
What happened—did aliens come down and genetically alter one of earth’s species ? Are we a gift from God as the bible says ? Are we some sort of fluke of nature ? Very interesting ideas you have there. Yes, yes, and YES! Why do they have to be separate? Ok, for debates sake, what IF aliens were created by God, and then came here, propagated the earth, and either took off to further seed the galaxies, or became stuck here in the form of Homo Sapien ancestors who somehow Devolved then are now Evolving? What if? How can we prove it did NOT happen? There are mysteries this idea explains well, check out some of the stuff written about the Egytians, the Mayans, and Roswell, I didn't "snopes" it all, but some of that mountain of writing has to be true. And is that not one of the things that science is supposed to do, is to explain the unanswered? This odd "theory" or really, idea, of mine is no less proveable, and therefore, no less real than any of the above.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

New Spin To Creationism Posted: 11/18/2008 7:55:13 PM
Good for you, Polish! I have wondered the same thing, myself, and it first occurred to me as a teenager, in high school. Welcome to adolescence....a part of your brain is developing now, and you will wonder and ponder and thing and cogitate about many things as long as you keep yourself healthy enough (chemical-free) to do so. And a secret that not many folks will spill is that many of your opinions and ideals will not change as you get older. Some will, but many won't. And, I also used to wonder, what if God was a little boy, and we were on a grain of sand in His terrarium? What if God was a tiny being, but super fast, and just zipped about from crisis to crisis, fixing things so fast that we only THOUGHT He was omnipresent? Who knows? Nobody on this side, that is for sure, that is why it is called "faith" and also why it is fun to discuss these things with others......but still, bravo for you for telling them to play nice, LOL

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

Am I shallow??? Posted: 11/18/2008 7:45:03 PM
determined about what you want, deciscive, and honest, as well as outspoken....you may be missing out on the "One" with your choice, but I cannot fault you for trying to be honest, do not let them bother you.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

I think I am to over protective. What to do??? Posted: 11/18/2008 7:42:07 PM
I love this question! "They" you know, Dr. Spock, child therapists, educators, etc, etc, say that we should not allow our kids to watch too much television or be exposed to too much violence. I wholeheartledly agree....I too, rarely if ever watch television, the news is depressing and cable makes me lazier than I already am, so why waste the money? We will rent and watch movies together, though, usually 2-3/month or so, depending on finances, time, etc, etc. My tv has been programmed, since my first child's birth, to block out anything Y7 or above....you can still watch it, but you have to enter a code first....I figure that way, I will at least be cognizant of the fact that anyone under 7 should at least be with an adult first. And when I decide to let my kids watch something that is PG or PG13 (rare) I will make sure to point out that "We do not treat people that way, do we?" or "Why is that a bad choice" etc, etc............. My oldest, 9 next week, though, can be a wuss compared to his friends. I cannot buy him those "do your own ending" ghost books his friends read, because I dont want to stay up all night with him. My youngest, who has, by the simple fact that I didnt want to deprive her brother TOO much, been exposed to more, has no fear, whatsoever....but she is a newer 6, so that too may change with time. My friends with kids, kids who seem happy and well-adjusted, let their kids watch ALL SORTS (PG13 at ages 5+, PG with no adult, scary stuff, etc, etc) of things I take issue with. Always have. They tease me about it, but try to respect my wishes when around my kiddos. The only true supposrt I get for my tv choices is from our family Dr. My friends are good Moms, but are for whatever reason ignoring what "they" say about this...seemingly with little negative impact. My ex allowed my kids (then 7 and 5) to watch part of "The Hills Have Eyes" only one in a slew of reasons he does not see them much now.....and yes, I had to deal with the resulting nightmares. I spoke with him, many times, about it, but in the end, I can only control MY house, so had to explain to the kids that there are Daddy rules and Mommy rules, period. My niece (12) can watch anything not too sexual, including Saw, Hills/Eyes, you name it. She seems very well adjusted, so far, but I am holding my breath for her teenage years. I think it really comes down to knowing what and when your child can handle different material. Maybe what your daughter saw was not at her level, but if you feel strongly about the tv issue, stick to it and she will respect that later, if not now....and she will eventually get over being scared of fantasy, too....but then, isnt that the point of it all-to get scared of the pretend? I still do, and I enjoy that thrill, I wouldnt want to be so immune to it that it wasnt there anymore at all-would you? And on yet another hand (I think this is my last thought on it)...I have always pretty freely let my kids watch "oldies" that I watched growing up...Grease being one of them. Yeah, after allowing my then-4 year old watch it several times, both with and without me, I happened to catch the words to a song "Go Grease Lightening, a real p*ssy wagon...its a scream, the chicks'll cream for Grease Lightening!" Yeah, REAL appropriate huh? He never noticed it, and I figured he had already had his chance to memorize it and taking it away at that point would only pique his interest, so I let him watch it, still, but usually suggest something else, or interrupt JUST when that song came one. He has never noticed, yet, anyway, and I am certain he would ask about those lyrics if he caught them, LOL............Kids bounce if your intentions are semi-intelligent and reasonably in the right order. Kids bounce, and that is a true blessing.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Too old to have more kids? Posted: 11/18/2008 7:19:21 PM
If they are emotionally, physically, financially ready to deal with the commitment of raising a possibly Down's syndrome child (risk goes up with moms age, as do other risks) why shoudlnt they have kids? well into their 40s, anyway, the average person is supposed to be living until their 80-90s nowadays, and our kids are supposed to make the century mark, by the time they are 40 and we croak, they should at least be settled in life, not like we are anticipating dying while they are in diapers.....but, that first sentence is a whopper, for me, anyway.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

How many times do you have to mention it? Posted: 11/18/2008 7:16:17 PM
your kids, your business, I am not posting any pics of mine, and do not even mention their ages or genders in my profile...unfortunately, statistically speaking,the number 1 most likely person to hurt them is someone I date, I take that seriously and try to limit their exposure as much as possible-I want someone to fall for me, and then we can worry about the rest of the package.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 22 (view)

question for single moms Posted: 11/18/2008 7:12:17 PM
Easy, she has been hurt before, badly, I would say, and is not quite as ready to move on as she thinks or is trying to be....if you are really feeling something for her, then you can wait it out, but if not then move on, as kindly, quickly, and gently as possible.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 95 (view)

prefer not to say...WTF??? Posted: 11/17/2008 6:50:34 PM
Gray...grey.....however you spell it, life is all about its many shades-everything is not always black and white, hence, the "prefer not to say" option....

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 310 (view)

Do you believe you can meet someone online? Posted: 11/17/2008 6:48:17 PM
both, either/or, something entirely different, yes, I do think I can. I am far more likely to here than in my "real" life, unless I want to date a juvenile delinquent or his parent?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

Odd that it bothers me that she has NEVER voted? Posted: 11/17/2008 6:46:33 PM
Some folks are more partriotic and civic minded than others...being much more so that many, I would be greatly bothered by an SO who didn't vote for reasons of the "eh-who-cares" variety but it would also tip me off that there are probably other important things we disagree on, as well. Apathy is, in general, a big no-go for me, though, as I have a rather strong opinion on most topics, LOL...but really, people fought for our right to vote, died for it, even...the very LEAST we can do is use that right wisely and educate ourselves on the issues, then vote and have our say.....if ya dont vote, ya have no right to whine, gripe, or otherwise complain, so, of course I vote regularly :)

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 97 (view)

Is the speed of thought finite? Posted: 11/2/2008 7:12:37 PM
Ok, I am not that edumacated or anything.....but, other than traveling from my brain down my nerve-endings to whateverbody aprt I am controlling, such as now, with fingers to type.....um.....thoughts don't move. They are generated, I thought-no pun intended-by chemical soup in our craniums, and when the right checmical leaps across the gap between the right rbain cells, EUREKA-a thought is born. That isn't speed, that is occurrence, or birth, or something else, with no speed whatsoever......which is like saying that it takes X amount of time to "create" a baby.......now, the fun part notwithstanding, and for the sake of argument we will suspend all arguments about when life begins and just say it is when egg and sperm meet... They weren't on the way to meet, you cannot count the time of every act of intercourse leading up to THAT sperm meeting THAT egg, and you cannot fairly count the time that sperm was swimming in the right direction, because at any given momment "he" could have veered off another way......they simply weren't joined, then they were....no speed there. Kinda like Someone saying "Let there be light" and there was......the thought was not there, then it was. Hmmmm-I will have to think on that one a bit-is that an argument for there being a Divine spark in each of us?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 10 (view)

What gives one person the desire and determination of ten people? Posted: 11/2/2008 7:03:33 PM
Desire-I think is more of a nurture thing, we seek those that remind us of our parents, in some sick way, LOl, sad but gerneally true. Because of my 2 children, I will say that I honestly, truly believe that determination and stubborness are inbred, genetic, and I am in trouble when my youngest hits her teen years, LOL.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Would this turn you off Posted: 11/2/2008 6:58:46 PM
If he is 24, then he is dating presumably, women about 22 or so....at 22, I didn't care, wouldn't have mattered at all! Obviously, my sense of discrimination has changed, hence the fact that I am 34 and dating, LOL, but still, I think in his age bracket, he is probably fine.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

Would Single Moms Do it over Again? Posted: 11/2/2008 6:52:13 PM
Yes, I would do it again-because I love them and cannot clearly remember life BK (before kids), but No, I would never recommend it, at least not with more than one child-they outnumber you, LOL. Having, in the course of my oldest child's almost-9-year old life, had the joyous experiences of being totally single, with an infant, no child support, no visits, no nada, co-habitated with lots of fighting and rages, been married-happily-with no fussing and fighting, been in scenario #1+pregnant with child number 2, and then raising both on my own both-at different times-with highly conflicted divorces, and with highly friendly divorces, as well as with total absence (whew!now, imagine-that was all ONE MAN!!!) I think it is fair to say that I have experienced just about every kind of separationt here is to have...except long-distance where you have to drive or fly your kid to visit the Ex every summer or whatever....haven't done that one! But I firmly believe that a friendly cohesive, co-parenting separation is FAR better for the kids than a sucky, yelling, back-and-forth marriage.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

The six-month dating period before kids are introduced. Some queries. Posted: 11/2/2008 6:40:38 PM
I used to adhere to the 6 month til they meet thing....but yeah, the practicality of it killed that idea. Now, I may let them meet a bit sooner, but actually spend time with? Nope, still sticking to 6 months, either we can hold off on being together a ton, thereby dissuading the purely hormonal things anyway, or we can make....ahem...creative use...of the telephone, LOL.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 141 (view)

important circumcision question: not a debate Posted: 10/27/2008 7:12:17 PM
1. what would you think of a guy who is circumcised, but doesn't like being that way?It is his business, not mine....but if he has issues with himself, chances are he isnt gonna be too into making me happy.....I would hope he would learn to accept himself before we got to that point, rather than drag me into his obsession. To females, at least those I know, circumcision only amtters if it is choosing what to do about your son...otherwise, it si a total NON issue. 2. what would you as a girl think of a cut person if you prefer uncut? I have never, repeat never, had sex with anyone without a condom, hello? It is 2008? I wouldn;t know the difference if just the act was ALL we did, tee-hee. 3. do you know what parts of the penis are removed during circumcision?Duh-again, 2008! foreskin 4. A natural stretching technique over time can reproduce some skin to emulate a natural foreskin. What would you girls think of a guy who wanted to do that?I would think he was way more into appearances, and pain than I am and should be on a site like alt.com, not here. 5. question for Canadian girls what is the ratio of cut/uncut men that you've been with?i am not Canadian, so am not obliged to answer, LOL. 1. Why would you, as a circumcised male think it is a good thing?I am not a guy, obviously, but I have been told it is more sensitive than uncut...and I know grown men who ahve opted to ahve it done,as adults. 2. Do you even know what parts of your penis were amputated?YES< everyone knows this, get over it! 3. If you are uncut, can you think of a reason why you'd like to lose your foreskin?See my answer to #1 PS-If it matters at all, my son is not curcumcised, I agree it is HIS body, and his choice, however, I think you are taking it to a whole new, and weird level.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 43 (view)

Sex-Positive or Sex-Negative? Posted: 10/27/2008 7:04:44 PM
It totally depends upon the particular scripture a person is using to abck up his or her professed belief.....I once knew a very religious woman, went to church three times a week, who thought nothing of telling me (I was 17!) that she had a handwritten prayer, supposedly given to her by her pastor, that she knelt before her bed and repeated immediately prior to any new sexual relationship, asking it be blessed and enjoyable. I have read of strict Hassidic (sp?) Jews (same Book, different testament, basically) who state that marital sex is far better because of some prohibition against engaging in the act during menses, this "week off" every month reportedly makes them appreciate each other more. I don't know. I went through a period of several years as a young adult where I vacillated between horrible guilt for behaving in a way I was taught not to, and not really caring one way or another. At the time, I blamed it on God and religion, but now, as a grown woman, I truly believe that period had far more to do with my upbringing, my young age (18-23), and the fact that none of my partners at that time were exactly what I would now refer to as long-term...or even really skilled, for that matter, LOL. I think overall, religion attempts to enhance the experience for followers, discourage it for non-marrieds, and is a convenient hook to hang all of ones hang-ups and problems on...for most everything, not just sex, come to think of it.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 42 (view)

Breast feeding makes your boobs sag? Posted: 10/18/2008 7:26:30 PM
It depends on how much they change size during the pregnancy, and how engorged they become during pregnancy. I think mine are much the same, now, but a cup size bigger. Most women I know who breastfed and grew a size or three during pregnancy and nursing, kept some of that size. Those who bottlefed, lost the gain, and went back to their normal size.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 118 (view)

Do you help out people with signs at the end of EXIT RAMPS begging for money? Posted: 10/18/2008 7:22:11 PM
When I think of it, I usually put a box of (non-chocolate!) granola bars in my car, just for this purpose.....that way, whether they are in need or not, I don't feel either 1-guilty for ignoring them, or 2-stupid for giving them money. The times I have handed them over, truthfully or not, the people were polite and said thank you, anyway.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

Why do Christians take away the personal name of God? Posted: 10/18/2008 7:18:43 PM
I always thought that if God really wanted me going around calling him by his first name, He would tell me so, personally. I am from the South, though, and generally refer to my elders or acknowledged betters as "Mr. or Mrs.".....since, as the creator of pretty much EVERYthing, God would for sure be in that category, I just feel more respectful not thinking of Him or referring to Him as "Hey Yaweh! How art thou, today, dude?" Besides, I dont think I could pronounce it right anyway, and wouldnt THAT be awkward?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 625 (view)

The one thing you miss most when you are single Posted: 10/18/2008 7:13:00 PM
Just one???? well, great sex, duh! It is much better with someone you are in a serious relationship with, I have found.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 250 (view)

Are you lonesome tonight? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:53:55 PM
What do I miss the most? Someone to put my cold feet against at night. Someone to cook for. Someone to do the dishes AFTER I cook. Someone who "has my back." Someone to hang out with when I am putzing around the house in my jammies on a chilly weekend, and don't really feel like getting out and about. Someone to want to freshen up for on my way home from work.....yeah, the list goes on and on.......am I lonely tonight? Not particularly. I just kinda would enjoy most stuff that extra bit more if I had someone special to share it with.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

When Should You Posted: 10/18/2008 6:49:55 PM
I do not feel any sort of need to discuss finances until we are also discussing long-term goals and such. Maybe his Ex pays for tuition, or works at the school (sometimes they get tos end them free), or maybe he is Mr. Money....in any event, yes, you are seriously jumping the gun, relax, it isn't your problem yet, and realistically, may never be.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 163 (view)

Can you party hard like a 20yr old when you are over 30? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:46:28 PM
Why would I want to do that now?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

Why do dating parents do this? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:41:51 PM
Some people believe their kids have a sort of 6th sense, and can "tell when someone is a bad person", like some dogs can tell. Other folks believe that the sooner they judge a person's "parenthood" potential, the better to weed them out. And still other people simply do not know better. I agree with you, though, it is wrong, and potentially dangerous for the kids, to boot.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Would you give up custody of your kids and move away just to be with a new partner? Posted: 10/18/2008 6:40:00 PM
Sounds to me like she is, or will soon be, an abused woman....and you were right in believing that she made a pretty stupid choice, but wrong to tell her that way-if you actually want her to get help for her situation, anyway.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Odd Question? or in need of opinions Posted: 10/18/2008 6:37:34 PM
If you are determined to continue seeing him, despite your obvious misgivings, and you do not think that he will be there for your daughter, unless the 2 of you are actually together, then, yes, keep her as far away from him as possible....maybe see if he will do the decent thing and tell her goodbys, but a clean break is bound to be easier on her, I imagine.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 20 (view)

I won't date you, but I'll favorite you Posted: 10/18/2008 8:40:59 AM
I don't get the whole favorites thing, anyway....if I notice someone has added me, I wait a while, and then, if I never hear from them, I delete them. The only ones I leave onthere are either just-by-golly friends, or folks who are just funny as heck with a very witty writing style, and I may never even have conversed with them, but I enjoy reading whatever they write. Are you one of those folks? Maybe she thinks so, but I would guess it is more a very immature way of saying to you "no hard feelings" and of advertising to the site that she has friends, some of whom are people of the opposite sex. If it bugs you, keep deleting yourself.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 12 (view)

Are sigle women handy women? Posted: 10/17/2008 6:50:15 PM
It depends on the area, and on the woman. I can cook, I can garden, and I can change the oil and tires on my car. I can (usually, LOL) rig stuff so that it doesn't fall apart, I can plunge or snake a toilet, and I can assemble furniture....I have not attempted anything much more complex, nor, thank goodness have I ever had to....because both my mother and a good friend, both single women, BTW, are far more adept at it than I am! I think part of it is a cultural thing, in America, we place a high value on independence, both as a nation, and for the individual. This can be divisive, and I can see where as a culture, a more collectivistic society can have its bonuses...but-I always figured that if I am gonna be alone at some point in my life, whether widowed at 70 or now before finding Mr. Right, SOMEbody has to handle mowing the grass, killing the spiders, and everything else-I don't enjoy 95% of it, and if given a choice, would much prefer not to do it--but a part of that is also cultural, because I am female, I wasn;t ever taught to be comfortable taking things apart and putting them together, nor was I expected or really even allowed to do so-so it only makes sense that I would find it difficult now. Kinda like a chicken and an egg---who knows, maybe I would enjoy it more if I felt more comfortable with it?

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

Childfree Dating Posted: 10/12/2008 7:42:37 AM
If a life choice is so important that they Capitalize it every time they write, type, or even speak it, then yes, it is a bit odd to me.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 69 (view)

Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right.... Posted: 10/12/2008 7:38:23 AM
"Please tell me why he, for even one minute, thought that would be ok to talk on the cell phone for 20 minutes???? " Because you allowed him to get away with terrible behavior for not one, but three dates in a row. And then made it even worse by being available to him for three nights in a row. Problem 1-why was he bringing a 2 year old on a first date? Were you aware that this was the plan? If so, ok, but if not, why McDonald's?!?! 2-Late and a call, that is fine, and with a kid, often unavoidable. 3-Taco Bell parking lot? talking for 30 minutes? Really? That is not a date, that is not wanting your wife to hear you talk on the phone. 4-Late again? No call? 5-At a park, even later....again with the no-call...yes, he is taking you for granted, um...about NOW. 6-Why bother with a 4th date when the first ones were like this? His brain thought "wow, she likes me! And she is cheap, and doesn't even mind when I am late!" So, he feels confident enough to call all his buddies and tell them all about you, which is undibtedly who he was speaking to....or call the wife and explain to her why he was out, again, at dinner time, or something.

lynsteph74

Joined: 12/1/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

What do you think about the 20/80 rule? Posted: 10/12/2008 7:25:00 AM
OK, assuming it is true, based on the "alpha male" thing previously mentioned....what would the majority of women be basing their alpha-male opinions on? Probably really important things like height, weight, atractiveness, phyiscal fitness, etc, etc, right? These things were, evolutionarily speaking, important at one time, if she wanted her children to get good genes. In today's world, however, where technology has outpaced anyone's wildest dreams in the last century, things such as persistence, social skills, intelligence, maturity, and sense of humor, patience, job-readiness, friendliness and "EQ" are all way more important. But we cannot see these things from the outside, and sometimes need time to uncover them. Which means no immediate spark, no sudden burst of passion like the perfect build might induce. And, to complicate it further, society has programmed us, by way of movies, romance novels and the like, to believe that "true love" hits fast, and is very passionate from the get-go....which is not true. Yeah, I can believe the 20/80 thing. Then, we learn better, and develop our own profiles for how we define "alpha male" and start looking for the true winners :)

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