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 Author Thread: Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 171 (view)
 
Together forever, no marriage, separate homes
Posted: 4/1/2015 3:24:36 PM

I hope I'm not the only one to find a sentiment like this quite sad.


I don't find the sentiment "quite sad"; in fact, I don't find it sad at all. This is a woman stating her preference. She obviously enjoys her own company and doesn't need to rely on someone else to fill her every waking moment when she's not busy doing other things. There are threads on people not liking to sleep with others as well - even those who have partners they sleep with, so apparently, sleeping every night with someone isn't a requirement or a desire for everyone. The men who responded may feel sad if they were left to their own devices and would feel an emptiness, but that's they're own preference/feelings they are attempting to project on others. Saying her preference is "quite sad" would be like telling you you're needy or clingy and uncomfortable with your own company. That's likely not the case at all - just a preference for a different lifestyle.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 199 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 4/1/2015 10:13:55 AM

Dang. I did not know that Canadian companies were discriminating on pay for equal work. Maybe they should just fire all these highly paid men and replace them with low cost female labor to earn that extra buck! That would be the prudent action for them to take in their pursuit of profits don't ya think?!?!

Or maybe they should hire the best person for the job without discriminating and their profits would increase and it would be a win/win for everyone. http://www.payequity.gov.on.ca/en/about/pubs/genderwage/wagegap.php "Statisticians estimate that as much as 10 to 15 % of the gender wage gap is due to discrimination."

Now you know.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 54 (view)
 
Which nationality or area of the world has the best/most romantic lovers?
Posted: 3/31/2015 10:23:47 AM

On my part, I was making an observation which seems to be true. Cultures such as the Middle East or many parts of Asia men seem more romantic Vs the USA.

I don't think it has anything to do with feeling threatened. If someone felt threatened, then other men should make that man feel threatened also.

But I do think in cultures like the Middle East and large parts of Asia, men feel more like they have to take care of women, while in the USA men feel women are their equals.


I suppose it also boils down to any given person's definition of romanticism. For myself, I wouldn't find being taken care "of" by a man to be a sign of romanticism, particularly by those cultures where it's seen it as a traditional obligation. It seems to me that the locations indicated fall into more of a traditional obligation. Caring "for", without obligation, in an emotional sense, is where romance is felt, whether you're a man or a woman. However, that's just my opinion and what is more important to me. Other men and women, be it where I live or elsewhere may feel it's somehow romantic to either take care of or to be taken care of.

As far as men feeling threatened by other men, perhaps that DOES have something to do with it. If someone feels threatened external to their relationship, maybe they feel more in charge of their lives and emotions if they have the sense of being "in charge" when it comes to their romantic relationships? I don't know...just pondering.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
Which nationality or area of the world has the best/most romantic lovers?
Posted: 3/31/2015 9:46:41 AM

While full equally (equality) seems to cause men to be less romantic and treat women more like they treat men. As equals not needing any special consideration.



Women need to read the above very closely and fully understand the full implications of equality. Well stated/observed dragnbytes.


Sorry, but these statements come off as sounding as though a man would feel somehow threatened by being considered an equal and has an inability to be romantic or give special consideration unless he somehow feels in some way superior. By definition, if there is no equality, one or the other is lesser or more superior and it would manifest itself in a relationship in a detrimental way. That, of course, does not mean men and women have equal "abilities" in all ways (no two men and no two women have equal abilities in all things), but when all things are averaged out by personality and deed, there is an equality achieved. If you require the sense of superiority, for me, I couldn't care less how romantic you may attempt to be, it would be off-putting - I don't care where you come from.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 3/31/2015 8:51:09 AM
It's a tricky balancing act for me. I find I'm probably too independent these days. I like the sense of accomplishment that comes from being able to do things for myself. Having said that, I do know when there are things that I am unable to do myself where I may need, and ask for, assistance. What I find annoying as all get out is being put in the position to feel I have to give up doing something just to make the other person feel "needed" and then having to thank them over and over again because they have that particular need, and it's likely more the reason for them assisting than anything else. If it's something that I can do for myself but being assisted would free up more time to do something more pleasurable together, I'm all for it. To have a partner constantly ask to do something in order for them to feel appreciated just smacks to me of them being needy, rather than it being heartfelt assistance, and I find it a turn off.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 50 (view)
 
Relationship with a christian woman
Posted: 3/30/2015 8:36:12 AM
The OP's friend that he's known for years is likely telling him to get, and to look for someone else with, some kind of moral compass, rather than running around like a tom cat in heat. Christianity likely doesn't even have anything to do with his advice and he's just being polite. The OP states in his profile that he wants a long-term relationship and his friend probably sees that he's not about to find it by testing for sexual compatibility before finding out if the women are compatible in any other way. The friend is likely also as sick as everyone else hearing the braggadocio and the lack of substance of his "friend" at this age.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:36:17 PM

Do I assume you believe that pulling chairs, opening doors, buying flowers, etc are the examples of the type of phoney things that are done to "attract". Or would you define them "phoney" because of the reason "why" they are done? As in, to attract a woman? And what would you define the people that "think" that because a person does these things, for the "right" reasons, or not is surely a "good catch"????

Walts: I assume that the above examples "can" be phoney things that are done to attract and therefore "can" be the reason "why" they are done by some men who believe that's what's needed to attract those women who believe it's the sign of a gentleman. It's not the men who do them as a natural course without thinking about them who are the problem, it's those who do them who think it's expected, attract those women who like it, and then change that phoney aspect of themselves who are the problem. Maybe it's just me. I'm not into guys who figure they are "obligated" to pay for dinners while dating (I like to share that nicety), would sooner comfortably sit myself down (I don't wear petticoats and crinolines that I need to hold out of the way while having someone pull my chair in and out for me), etc., so it's not something that I, personally, look for as the sign of a gentleman. I read men in a different manner.


Again, more women fall for this "stuff" than you would believe. Why do you think the "player" plays? Why would he stop? He would stop if it didn't work, correct? And then, we should question, how do we make sure the "player" and his "tactics" don't work? May I suggest, and it is only a suggestion, that the people that seem to be the "targets" of these "tactics" wake up and try to figure out what IS really important in another person, instead of these "courting skills".

That's my point. A huge number of women do fall for this stuff because, to them, those are some kind of signs in the beginning that the guy is a gentleman. If that's what they like and there are men who genuinely like to do those things, great. I'm sorry...I don't mean to offend those men and women who like it or believe it's a sign of a "true" gentleman but I find those things just as archaic as the word "courting" - again, that's just my own personality and I don't intend to offend anyone.

Yes, I would agree with you wholeheartedly that those people who seem to be the targets of these tactics wake up and try to figure out what IS really important in another person. I was, however, going on the thread topic which was geared towards men and courting skills. To take it a bit beyond the thread topic, yes, both men and women should stop with all the affectations. As someone else said, it reminds me of a bunch of peacocks by both genders. Then again, I suppose that may be a lingering animal part of us humans that primp and fluff in order to attract - or perhaps it's just old school etiquette that's lingering and doing more harm than good. There's plenty of bait and switch tactics that go on by both genders and then they all wonder where and how it all fell apart. Hence, my original comment that I wish people would just be themselves from the outset.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 143 (view)
 
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/27/2015 10:03:02 AM

I always wanted an expensive sports car and I went out an bought one. I enjoy it immensely, and it has nothing to do with a mid life crisis.


I have to agree with you there. A lot of times people, while in a relationship, don't get something for themselves because concessions are made with their partner to put it off in favour of something else. As far as I'm concerned, your money is to do with as you please and you're likely at the age where you can now afford the vehicle you always wanted. Don't not do it because it's not in keeping with someone else's likes or dislikes. Being older doesn't mean you need to buy a rocking chair, hike your pants up to your neck and shuffle around...unless, of course, that's what you feel like doing. Do as you please, as long as it's not hurting anyone else.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 94 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 8:55:15 AM

This so called "fake" guy will learn what attracts women, and then apply from his own experience what feels right to him, and find an awesome woman that will like him and love him, not for the wimp nice guy he was, but for the guy that he has become.

In this last post, you're talking about issues with self-esteem, self-worth, self-confidence- not courting skills. Such things as building up the confidence to approach a woman you're interested in, rather than sitting back and bemoaning that no women are interested in you after trying a couple of times and being rejected. I agree that anyone who suffers from low self-esteem and self-confidence can learn how to overcome that, both men and women, however...

I see "courting skills" that are dropped after the fact such as insisting on paying for dinners even when she offers (and then griping about it afterwards), pulling chairs out and opening doors (and then stopping later on), buying flowers or other tokens out of the blue (and then not even paying attention to anniversaries and birthdays), being an attentive lover (and then being a two minute wonder), being what appears to be a great conversationalist (and then practically grunting single worded responses to a topic), right down to saying they love moonlit walks, blah blah blah, etc. Those are some examples of the type of phoney things that are done by those who believe they are "skilled" in courtship and those things fall away because they aren't heartfelt. They are done in some stupid ritualistic way to draw women in who find those, or some of those, things important, by making her think that's the type of person he is and then are dropped when he goes back to being his usual self. You continue to do those things throughout a relationship if you really feel like doing them from the outset, otherwise you're not being yourself.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/27/2015 7:59:26 AM

What is worse is that the "be yourself" statement simply leaves them being the same stupid guy that women ignore.

I disagree with this. What exactly are you talking about "learning"? If it's social skills, everyone needs to know how to interact and communicate with people and treat others well, opposite sex or not. If you're talking about doing things with/for a woman which go against your grain, aren't heartfelt, and you do them to catch a woman, then those things slip away once you've "caught" her, it's not being yourself. Nothing is worse, in my opinion, than a man who is a fake, phoney flirter who uses such methods to attract a woman and then he slips back into being the person he really is that can come across almost as indifferent afterwards. Those tactics may work to get a number of short term relationships but won't go far in maintaining a long-term relationship. You don't need women crawling all over you unless you need that for your own ego boost. You only need one who is in sync with the real you, not fake Don Juan affectations.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 4:14:27 PM

"if you want to be like me, and date like I do, then stop being you, and become me."


That's a lot of the problem with perceived "courting" rituals. If people, both men and women, presented themselves as they really are in every day terms, rather than attempting to make false impressions while dating, there would be no surprises later on of "you're not the person that I first met". Just as one example, if a man throws his money around at a woman in the beginning to make some kind of impression and it goes against his grain, and he attracts a woman who gets off on that kind of treatment, and then he later on resents that she has come to expect it, who's to blame? If a woman comes on as some kind of simpering sex kitten to a man who is predominantly looking for such and then once she's "hooked him" and she cools her jets because it never was her true persona, who's to blame there? So many people tend to portray themselves as something other than who/what they are and then have the nerve to complain that it's the other person's fault when the front diminishes or disappears. Such a false society. My best advice is to simply be who you are.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Men need to learn courting skills for their own benefit
Posted: 3/24/2015 9:05:55 AM

She had the domestic skills but chose not to use them.

I suppose you could have used your own "domestic skills" with the food she had on hand and refused to cave to her demands.

OT: Just as many women need to have effective social skills as men when it comes to relating to the opposite sex. It's not some magic formula the friend of the OP stumbled across and, although attempting to sound profound, comes across as a lame serial dater who only believes he's some kind of "success" story.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 49 (view)
 
What do 50+ men want?
Posted: 3/24/2015 8:39:08 AM

So it makes more sense to me to ask women what men they encountered were really looking for.

Those women would tell you what they were wanting the men to want, not what the men themselves wanted and what those women obviously weren't to those men, or they'd be with them still after the first date. For some reason, after typing that, how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood just popped into my head.....
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 114 (view)
 
Engagement rings necessary in the 21st century?
Posted: 3/23/2015 4:16:46 PM
Back in the day (way back), I was given the traditional little engagement ring and wedding ring and I bought his wedding band with 3 little diamonds. That's when I very young and was taught that was tradition. Over the years, I find I'm not traditional in very many ways. First of all, I don't wear a bunch of jewellery, even the stuff I've bought myself on a whim. Secondly, I no longer believe in the whole proof of commitment by marriage thingy and it follows that something sparkly on my finger wouldn't mean I was (or he was) any more committed to the relationship as would be by not having a ring. I'm not materialistic when it comes to keeping up with or exceeding the Joneses. If I like something, I buy it for me and have no expectations that somebody else should.

Funny story: My ex's girlfriend insisted on a flashy engagement ring even though he told her he would never marry her, or she'd hit the road. Her reason was to show everyone else that she was in a "committed" relationship. Personally, I believe it was to make her somehow seem "worthy" of being in or having a relationship to other people. I find it difficult to believe at her age she wanted one to keep from being hit on by throngs of men wherever she went! I also have to wonder, when her friends and relatives she flashes her ring to ask her when the big day is, how she responds. Probably just as negatively as the tone their whole relationship has been. Yup, the ol' ring was all about love and commitment, wasn't it? Too often the desire to have/give a ring, especially one that is prohibitive in cost, is for all the wrong reasons, just like a lot of marriages themselves are.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/17/2015 11:57:37 AM

You make it explicitly clear that you need A, B, C, and in order to get it, they will comply.


Ahhh, yes, it's perfectly clear now. Rather than enjoy sex on a mutually satisfying basis, it's the barter system (or some such other term) for the most part. I guess it makes it "right" when you get the concept.

Edit:


This is clearly an issue of cultural translations. It Doesn't need to be understood, it just needs to be accepted.


There's nothing lost in the translation. It's well understood and it's obviously accepted only by the participants of the transaction/scheme....er relationship. We don't know if the OP's boyfriend is Hispanic, but if he's not, she can pretend he is and try the MO out, understand it and accept it....gotcha

 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/17/2015 11:22:34 AM

He also has some good qualities We must take into consideration before making a decision.


That also sounds like something that's said by women who are beaten and stay with the man. If such is the culture that promotes this, I'd think it high time women who are with men of that culture and mindset step up and not accept it as their due, just because "that's the way they are". Even children are capable of changing bad behaviour when taught to do so - when they're not, they grow up with the same bad behaviour. No excuses.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Boyfriend wants sex all the time?
Posted: 3/17/2015 10:19:21 AM
Only four months in and he gets REALLY mad, even after you've explained your reasons for being tired and not being up for it?? Yells at you? Sorry, I'd be soooo done, especially this early on. Expect more of the same over other matters as time goes on. People like this tend to progress in their demands over time when you allow it. Obviously it's the case because he'll be better for only so long and then it happens again. Diabetes aside, if you don't feel like it, you don't feel like it. It sounds like you're living with him if it's every single night and it was likely too soon to get to know the full scope of his personality. If you're not living with him, then maybe you should occasionally stay home.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 5 (view)
 
URGENT!!!
Posted: 3/13/2015 3:57:24 PM
Don't know if this will help or not: http://www.agressionssexuelles.gouv.qc.ca/en/
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 826 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/13/2015 12:14:27 PM
New thread suggestion - pick a forum: Gun Toting Hedonistic, Athiest, Liberal, LBGYN, Creative Writing 101 - Now being taught in North American Preschools - For or Against?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 802 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/13/2015 8:56:40 AM

I always assume the posters are just trying to entertain us...and sometimes they attempt to go for the shock
factor...I figure they're laughing at us and why not? We're laughing back.


Well, aside from alternately making me laugh and go ewwww, the consistency leads me to believe they write what they write in an attempt to convey they are all that and a bag of chips when, in reality, it's more like they're not and the bag is full of something known to be left burning on people's doorsteps.

edit:
I feel sorry for people who are hung up and constricted about sex, because of religiously-imposed guilt and shame.

Sorry, but this is more a case of people who have great sex have it and those who don't, write about it. You know, along the lines of people who can, do...and those who can't, teach.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 800 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/13/2015 8:40:02 AM

But from the history of the posts I've read by the two posters, if I were in a store and had to choose to buy one of two "adult" books, one written by IG and one by LH, I'd buy the IG book.


Since we're into writing critiques, I'd buy neither. I find both styles lacking and evoking the opposite reaction to that which is attempting to be wrought. Hardly titillating reading - quite the opposite.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Is your booty big enough?
Posted: 3/13/2015 8:26:23 AM

we live in an era of stupidity and everyone trying to be an individual at a huge cost to society.


Unfortunately, it's not a case of trying to be an individual, but a sheeple when you have:


Nearly 10,000 Americans augmented their booties last year, a 16% increase from 2012, according to NBC News. With Kim K and her cohorts redefining standards of booty, er, beauty, it’s likely to keep increasing. By the way, it’s not just for ladies; several surgeons say they’ve made male booties bigger too.


I can see in another decade or so the sheeple will go back to the Twiggy-esque trend and having implants removed or fat injections liposuctioned and the necessary butt tuck because of the stretched skin creating an old deflated balloon appearance.

And then there's this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBWtPntqNo4
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 81 (view)
 
Why do I always fancy men who I don't have a chance with?
Posted: 3/12/2015 7:29:01 PM
Lol...Johnny's "about me" portion of his profile mirrors the vacuousness of his flame baiting posts. No further comment in response is even warranted.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
My Pet Peeve - Is It Justifiable, or Should I Relax My Sphincter ?
Posted: 3/10/2015 10:11:48 AM
I guess if the spelling, grammar and so on and so on irritates the crap out of you, it's done half the work for you by weeding out the dirty rotten scoundrels with very little effort on your part!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Altered state of sexual consciousness?
Posted: 3/9/2015 3:56:34 PM

You often see this type of response in people who have experienced previous sexual trauma, and/or who are overly compliant and they are conflicted (they want to please the partner but specific sexual engagement has crossed a personal line of comfort).


I truly hope that isn't what is being referred to or, yes, the concept goes way beyond creepy and enters a whole 'nuther realm of disgusting behaviour by a twisted manipulator, in which case both parties need some form of psychological counseling. Somehow I don't think that was the intent of the OP.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Altered state of sexual consciousness?
Posted: 3/9/2015 3:08:07 PM
I'll take it a step further. I think the OP likely didn't phrase himself properly and the word "control" is taking away from his intent. It's not about control at all. It's about being lucky enough that the partner is on the same page and acquiesces to what you want because they're open to it themselves in the first place. Unless of course someone believes they have some magical hypnotic ability, in which case they aren't as good as they think they are as a hypnotist or they'd be able to say a magic word and control the other person at will. That a heightened state can be maintained for hours/days speaks more to the tantric than hormones, honeymoon periods, etc. If we gave in solely to hormonal influences and fluctuations and didn't have the ability to use our minds to greatly enhance our experiences, we'd be on the same level as the dog that humps a leg whenever they got the urge.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Altered state of sexual consciousness?
Posted: 3/9/2015 12:45:11 PM
That "altered state" happened with my ex with great frequency throughout the entire 35 years with him and again on the same level with only one partner subsequently (the current one). lol...I refer to it as a mind meld...likely otherwise known as tantric sex. As they say, the brain is the biggest sexual organ. If you don't know how to use it effectively, sex can be just ...sex.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Lost time on epic threads...
Posted: 3/6/2015 1:41:00 PM
I get most of my reading/posting done while waiting for scanning or photocopying during my wonderful 10 hour work days. Weekends I don't spend so much time here because I like to stay out of the office. I managed to plaster, tape and paint an entire bedroom in a striped effect on one of the walls - between shovelling stupid snow, covered in ice, covered in snow, covered in ice - stupid Alberta!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/6/2015 10:16:53 AM

Yeah right. The guy says, “You’re gonna have to work fulltime, clean the house, take care of the kids and the house and the laundry and the pets and service me sexually til death do us part. Let’s get married!”


Which is a very good reason to live with someone for a long enough period and actually get to know them before jumping headlong into getting married and having kids...or nowadays which seems to be more the norm, having the kids first and then jumping into marriage.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 117 (view)
 
Women on POF with kids
Posted: 3/6/2015 8:49:39 AM
My daughter faces the same problem in reverse - being 31, not having or wanting to have kids herself and trying to find someone who is in the same position and mindset. It's unfortunate the couple of long term relationships she was in didn't turn out in the end and the time spent with them has caused the field to narrow even further over time. As for why she didn't or doesn't want to "follow the path most have" is because she's an individual who simply doesn't follow the pack. Very often, that following the pack mentality causes the exact issue of many people (men and women) having children for all the wrong reasons (maybe because everyone else is) and then wonder why they are single, with children and looking for someone in the vast numbers they are.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 528 (view)
 
Sock puppet punch & pie...
Posted: 3/5/2015 2:14:05 PM
This is the actual excerpt and not the tongue in cheek one:


The prevalence of personality disorder in the general community was largely unknown until surveys starting from the 1990s. In 2008 the median rate of diagnosable PD was estimated at 10.6%, based on six major studies across three nations. This rate of around one in ten, especially as associated with high use of services, is described as a major public health concern requiring attention by researchers and clinicians.[57]

The prevalence of individual personality disorders ranges from about 2% to 3% for the more common varieties, such as schizotypal, antisocial, borderline, and histrionic, to 0.5–1% for the least common, such as narcissistic and avoidant.[46]
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 518 (view)
 
DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD
Posted: 3/5/2015 1:28:29 PM

But I just don't agree with the "Report! Report!" bandwagon. JMO.


That's JMO too. If anyone comes back and elicits a verbal thumping from whomever wishes to partake, so be it. It eventually trickles off. I'll agree also that if it becomes obnoxious, a person always has the option to ignore, including those who have to just come into a post to say how ridiculous the infighting is. Leave it alone if you don't like it because even that will spur the thread hogs on.

If there's a matter of harassing, don't we still have the option to block a person? I have no idea - I haven't changed my settings since I first came here and haven't bothered to check. If there isn't that option then, yes, it's up to those individuals personally being harassed to report such. I don't believe it requires the bandwagon approach.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 485 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/5/2015 9:19:11 AM

No , that would be : " No one lets me put my post in their thingamajig "


Well, what do I know...dyam, someone should have told me this long ago - I've been going about things all bass akwards all these years!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 479 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/5/2015 9:11:20 AM

no one puts my thingamajig onto their posts.

lol...thingamajig??..sounds like a nice guy whine about not getting any action
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 475 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/5/2015 9:04:05 AM

Whoa! Curious just vanished. She must have gotten reported. She'll be back.

R.I.P. - may the reincarnation be a well rested version.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 95 (view)
 
Remember when sex was dirty?
Posted: 3/4/2015 1:05:50 PM
At this age I fondly call it "gettin' down 'n' dirty".
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 387 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/4/2015 12:09:54 PM

When I was that age, it was a long time before vaginal sex for us. But we did anal and oral way before vaginal, so technically I waited maybe a year.


lmfao..."I did not have sex with that woman"...baaaahahahahaha
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 370 (view)
 
Slowly sliding into the abyss
Posted: 3/4/2015 11:08:36 AM
lmfao...I feel all left out 'n' stuff - no messages asking me to delete anyone. Not that I'd pay any attention to it anyway cuz no one's the boss-o-me and I don't believe in deleting/reporting. Maybe it's going to just take awhile cuz it's a huge blast of them?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 344 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/4/2015 9:35:04 AM
Sorry, Curious, I'm a realist, not suspicious of everything, only of those things that are cause for suspicion and which you, yourself have just readily confirmed. Yes, she did come here for help, in a misguided way. As had been advised by others, including yourself, it was thought she should limit her time in forums such as this and others and seek help with any of her issues by those qualified. Instead, you made it your mandate to hijack the thread with bizarre posts, and unfortunately, believe you have the ability to help her in some twisted way away from the forums. Again, poor kid.

As for "continuing" to throw insults at you, I'm afraid that's yet a further example of your delusional persecution complex...but is it really a persecution complex when a person is the author of their own perceived misfortune? To this point, I've gone out of my way to not insult you even though I believe you are rightly deserving of those who have thrown them at you. If you have read anything that I've posted in this or other threads that has led you to believe I've been pointing a finger at you when it's been a comment in general or directed to someone else, that would also be part of your troubling personality and has nothing to do with me. If you believe people truly come here for help, I'd suggest you use it as a tool and do as others have suggested for Aradia - that you seek the help you obviously require outside of the forums. At the very least, please keep to the thread topics and stop hijacking every one you choose to comment on with your personal agendas and need to caustically attack everyone with an opposing viewpoint.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 336 (view)
 
How do sexually conservative people survive in dating?
Posted: 3/4/2015 8:51:45 AM

Not to interrupt, but Aradia has left and closed out her account.


Would be nice if she decided to take a break from endless hours dedicated to living online instead of in the real world, but I somehow doubt it and I'll be suspicious of new user nics. Perhaps by attaining a new Email contact, she'll be content with the offer of the blind leading the blind - poor kid.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Is there anybody that is really happy in their lives?
Posted: 3/4/2015 8:25:44 AM

I'm finding this kind of thing inspirational. But I can see, on second thought, how it would be less than appealing to those who prefer to blame everybody else on how their lives are going. So much easier to call him a braggart and continue to feel sorry for yourself, than to use him as an example and do some work on yourself.


Most people have this train of thought when listening to a person who is clinically diagnosed with depression and who suffer from any number of other ailments on top of it. I wouldn't want to be in their shoes. It's not something they can "snap out of" - they have no control over it. My ex, for example, has suffered with depression (extremely low serotonin) for about 20 years. That in itself is incredibly difficult to deal with, but like Joe, other more recent health issues such as three heart attacks, narcolepsy and diabetes, coupled with being forced early from a lifelong job because of those health issues, aging parents and low self-esteem, only compound the situation. It's a wonder they can find the energy to just see to their daily needs, never mind be enthusiastic about someone else's example of happiness and being told to "do some work on themselves".

Am I happy in my life? You bet! Are there things that would likely make me even happier? Sure - like not having to work every day and be able to do as I please when I please. However, it sure as hell beats the alternative, such as those who suffer like Joe and my ex or any number of other people in all kinds of other unenviable positions they have extremely little or no control over. Being on the outside of their lives and looking in sure goes a long way to remind me that I have absolutely nothing to be unhappy about.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 477 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 2:22:22 PM
Well, Vicki, from reading a number of your posts, I've thought that you're the type of person I could be great friends with in real life! I'm not going to say I always agree with you on every topic, just as you don't agree with mine here. I'm not necessarily talking about what Iiiiiiiii do when dating but rather how some people approach it - and I respect their open-mindedness or is perhaps it's a total lack of jealousies. I suppose people see it is boundaries that they don't cross. It's like some people who wind up being friends with their ex, their ex's spouses and they get along famously. Others, not so much.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 475 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 1:57:05 PM
Well, I was gonna leave this alone but....

Dating is just that...dating. People can date a number of people at the same time - while they get to know them. Some people will only go on dates with one person at a time and some people with go out with a number of people - while they get to know them. Once dating one of those individuals starts to develop into more than just getting to know them (the friendship stage) and takes a romantic turn, yes, they do tend to stop dating the others, duh! Some even maintain some friendships that transpired while on those dates and those friendships can even include the now boyfriend. The reason they can do this is that the dates hadn't turned to romance but remained at the friendship level where they started out. Some people are open minded that way. It is entirely possible to go on a date, find you're not at all attracted to an individual romantically, but have all kinds of common interests as you do with any other friend. Unless, of course, you're from the camp that believes that if you're male you can only have male friends and if you're female you can only have female friends - in which case you'd be no friend of mine...lol OK...so now I'm done...I swear (I didn't swear the last time).
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Who pays expectations and coming to an agreement
Posted: 3/3/2015 12:08:00 PM

And whatever you do, do not kiss any toes or frogs.

Toes? I didn't see anywhere that a foot fetish was mentioned...lmfao
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 174 (view)
 
Astrology, psychic's, guessing and just plain b.s.
Posted: 3/3/2015 11:56:29 AM

Also, breakups that occur when Mercury is retrograde do not tend to be broken up forever. I have experienced that a few times over the years.

I'm sorry, I mean no offense because your belief is your belief, however, the above did make me chuckle. Perhaps it wasn't with one individual but more about various friendships. Maybe the word to use is regurgitate, rather than retrograde.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 471 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 11:38:10 AM

It's just that simple. :)

lol...nothing is ever "just" that simple with your posts ng...semantics rule the day. I'll just leave it with I believe that a person can start out as friends, in fact, necessarily has to be a friend before I, personally, can be anything else with them. How quickly a friendship turns to romanticism is subject to the individual I would be dating. You, on the other hand, may start out with stars of romanticism while dating that deteriorates to friendship over time. Peace out :^)
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 468 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 10:57:42 AM

If it's platonic, it's no more different than a lunch date with a friend of yours. Hence, no expectation of a guy buying a lady anything. No kissing. Getting the waiter or waitresses' number in front of the other is 100% fine. That's platonic.

You're right...a date is no different than going on a lunch date with a FRIEND until such time as it BECOMES otherwise. I, personally, have no expectation of going on a date and having a guy buying anything and there will be no kissing or anything else until such time as they interest me in a romantic sense. If the guy doesn't turn my crank, is a jerk and unworthy of even being a friend, yup, I might be rude enough to get a waiter's number in front of the other...lmfao...although I don't know of many 60 year old-ish waiters.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 465 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 10:43:59 AM

Not true...When it says social it means say a date to see a friend...When its romantic date it becomes different
To that of a date to see a mate(social)...And can be placed in the romantic section:)


I didn't see that distinction anywhere in the definition of the word "date". Does this mean if you go on a blind date you are automatically romantic with the individual of said date...or...are you going on the date to see if there is the possibility that romance could develop if you go on further dates? I dunno, but I'm not going to be romancing any old person on a date - I'll reserve judgment on whether or not there's the possibility of any romance or sex until I get to know them on a level that I'm personally comfortable with. It may be by the end of that date or may take many others. A date itself doesn't mean there's any romance involved...at all...just that there is the potential for it...or not.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 461 (view)
 
Does Friends first ever really work?
Posted: 3/3/2015 10:28:03 AM
Definition of "date"

2. a social or romantic appointment or engagement.


It's an appointment or engagement - social or romantic. It's a social, platonic appointment or engagement until such time as you develop romantic feelings. Therefore, one CAN have an actual date with it being platonic, even if the purpose of the date is to see if it has the potential to develop to a romantic level.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Who pays expectations and coming to an agreement
Posted: 3/3/2015 9:31:30 AM

If we continually eliminate people based on what we consider undesirable we narrow our dating pool and I will spend the rest of my life only kissing rats.

So, does this statement mean that you are considering keeping him in your dating pool, even though he is undesirable? Seriously? Please don't allow yourself to be used over and over again and then have the nerve to complain about it - it's unbecoming. Your bright son would likely agree.
 
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