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 Author Thread: Why are men required to do the work in finding love?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 33 (view)
 
Why are men required to do the work in finding love?
Posted: 6/26/2015 2:17:43 PM
I'd like to know specifically what this "work" is. It would appear to me that it's a two way street in the work department. If you're old school, then the work is a woman getting herself in a position to be noticed and the guy to take the initiative to make the contact once she's noticed - it's a wash. If you're not old school and believe it's just as cool for a woman to make first contact as it is for a guy to, it's a wash once again.

If, on the other hand, for whatever reason, you're the type of individual who doesn't have any luck finding love, or simply dating, I can see where it might feel like work and you may be trying too hard and in a number of wrong ways. It becomes drudgery, not enjoyable, and this is likely more at the heart of these type of posts.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 1404 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/25/2015 1:52:47 PM

I feel as though he actually may be...in a nostalgic kind of way. ;)


Perhaps you had a typographical error moment and intended the word "narcissistic", rather than "nostalgic". Either way, the shoe seems to fit.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 48 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/24/2015 1:51:41 PM

But I believe he was recently voted off.


ya...likely voted off due to his most recent rant in the Off Topic section, which only served to prove that he's right about one single thing...he IS an A-hole. Which leads me to stick to my belief that when people have the ability to know they have certain faults, they also have the ability to change those faults even if it means seeking help for it. In the OP's case, he realizes his fault is that of a deliberate A-hole and certainly doesn't lack perseverance proving it time and again. He loves the fact that he gets negative attention because it's better than no attention at all, which is likely the case away from his keyboard.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 42 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/24/2015 11:50:57 AM

After actually reading the op's post and similarities to dozens of suicide notes over the years, I'm pretty sure why there's been no response. I truly hope I'm way off base.....perhaps he will post again.


You're way off base. He's still busy being his usual self.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Facebook friends with ex?
Posted: 6/24/2015 11:00:29 AM
I suppose it all depends on the nature of your non-fb relationship with any particular ex.

I have two exes that I deleted when our relationship ended, but I have no contact with them outside of fb either. On the other hand, I'm still friends with my ex-husband who I've known since I was 13 years old and wish he would join so he could keep in touch with friends and relatives we mutually knew for so many years (he's become rather reclusive) and it would be good for some laughs. It wouldn't cause any problem with my current bf because he's aware of my friendship with my ex-husband and knows there's nothing to fear. Personally, I couldn't be involved with a guy who'd be fearful of a fb friend. If you don't trust me, you're not a fit and would most likely be the one to be unfriended.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
People Pleasers who finally cracked, how did you handle it?
Posted: 6/23/2015 3:08:43 PM

Thats not been my experience. Sometimes it feels the more you give the more they want the more you get taken advantage of.


I suppose it also takes fully knowing the person you are giving to, whether it's of yourself or materialistically. You can blame the person for constantly taking from you, but when you get the sense you are being used, you can only blame yourself for continuing the cycle by continuing to give when being taken advantage of. In other words, it then isn't so much a case of being a people pleaser but a person who doesn't know when to appropriately say no, likely because they're afraid of the potential confrontation caused by it. If you're giving and resenting, then it's, again, not for the right reasons.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 30 (view)
 
People Pleasers who finally cracked, how did you handle it?
Posted: 6/23/2015 12:37:32 PM
There's a difference between being a people pleaser and being magnanimous. People pleasers tend to do and say various things in order to receive something in recognition for whatever they say or do. Truly magnanimous individuals say and do things to make others feel good...the by-product payoff is the pleasure you see in others that makes you feel good, not the pleasure of recognition for what you do or say.

I know some "people pleasers" and, quite frankly, they can become rather annoying with their need to be thanked...over and over again.

I guess the way to stop being a people pleaser who never gets any thanks is to stop doing things for the sole purpose of being thanked and start pleasing people for the right reason - for their pleasure, not your own. When done for the right reasons, the words "thank you" won't even have to come out of their mouths. Their treatment of you will be a reflection of their feelings, knowing you expect nothing in return.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 19 (view)
 
When I finally realized I'm an A-hole
Posted: 6/23/2015 11:54:34 AM
I guess this isn't the appropriate time to say "you are what you eat"...
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Don't like new GF's best friend
Posted: 6/8/2015 12:57:16 PM
I find it interesting that no mention is made of the GF noting the rude and nasty behaviour. If I had a friend who was talking to/about my bf like that, I may or may not say something on the spot, but I'd certainly draw her away, whether to the washroom or whatever, and ask her what her damage was! If the circumstances didn't allow for that, I'd certainly apologize to my bf for the bff behaviour and tell my bf that I would be speaking to her and that I'd get an explanation I would deal with and if there was no dealing with the behaviour, the bff would have to find someone else to fill the position. It doesn't matter if it's friends of the same sex or romantic relationships. There's no excuse for the behaviour, when there's...well...no excuse for the behaviour.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/5/2015 2:51:56 PM

But, I will comment on Jenner...frankly, to me, I detest this persons decisions in life...to have 3 marriages and children, while apparently feeling the way she does about her sexuality and gender is so self-centered and self-absorbed...that is my issue with Jenner...


I'm in the same camp as you, however, I don't see much difference between the self-centered and self-absorbed mentality between Jenner and heterosexual individuals who have 3 marriages and all kinds of kids with no thought to them as they pursue their own sexual gratification. Perhaps if the transgendered weren't made to feel they needed to hide all their lives, they wouldn't have felt the need to misrepresent themselves. If they could live their lives in the open, wouldn't there be more transparency?

And then you have this that demonstrates why certain segments of our population aren't transparent:

There are freaks in the world just like in the animal kingdom and they should be regarded as such deserving respect but not status of normalcy.


Do you even read what you spew? In the same sentence you call them freaks deserving respect but no status of normalcy. Just because you use the word "respect" in the same sentence while calling people freaks, doesn't win you any brownie points to sway anyone to regard your crap as anything other than the crap it is.


if I had to choose i'd agree with camp 1 but only for this reason. while trying to be understanding of this type of transgender life DO NOT push my religious values into the gutter and say MY IDEAS are the abnormal ones which I tend to believe Liberals would like to make.


hmmm...so how does it feel to be called abnormal (some might consider it freakish). Although I don't believe in a sky wizard, that you do has no affect on me, nor does the Jenner's of the world have an affect on either of us.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 501 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/5/2015 11:19:05 AM

Ultimately, males are born, are driven to seek a female partner who will agree to have his children and help him raise them to independence. The environment has changed, but the process is the same, the methods are the same and thankfully the results are the same.


Apparently women seek male partners as well for the purpose of procreation (biological clocks for instance). Perhaps because the environment has changed the need to stay in a life-time relationship is no longer there and is why there are so many breakups of relationships, married or otherwise. Where there was once an actual need for couples to stay together for survival based on the environment, there no longer is and it may explain why there's a downward trend in long-term relationships. Men and women may have thought exactly of each other before as they do now - but the need for the same type of relationship is no longer required so relationship longevity is reflective of that.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/4/2015 2:41:29 PM
to rebut Dr. McHugh see the following: http://www.transadvocate.com/clinging-to-a-dangerous-past-dr-paul-mchughs-selective-reading-of-transgender-medical-literature_n_13842.htm
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 45 (view)
 
Caitlyn Jenner
Posted: 6/4/2015 12:17:45 PM

Sex change is creepy, live in your p.c denial all you want, I've never met a man from any walk of life who was not shocked and disgusted upon being approached/confronted by a sex changed person.


My opinions and empathy for people have nothing to do with political correctness but more with understanding that all people don't fit into a box of perfection from birth. Most people are afraid of (find creepy) what they fail to understand.

So what if a man is shocked and disgusted if he is approached/confronted (no matter what twist of the definition you choose to use) by a sex changed person. What's he afraid of? That the proximity will rub off on him? If he's hit on by one who has transgendered to female is there any difference in being hit on by someone else born female that he has no interest in?

I would imagine any number of other maladies that people are born with creep you out as well because of your lack of understanding, knowledge and empathy. I would say that's your problem and would hope you would, at the very least, not go beyond your creep factor and make it their problem too by harming someone with your words or actions because of said lack of understanding, knowledge and empathy, ya know, like typical bullies do.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/4/2015 11:22:47 AM

If you are straight, ask your partner or next partner what his instincts tell him when confronted with a sex changed person.

Confronted with a sex changed person? Seriously? Like transgendered individuals throw themselves in front of people and are aggressive, argumentative and challenging? It seems to me more like the other way around - that people such as yourself would confront a transgendered individual and be aggressive, argumentative and challenging because of your self-described disgust.



Ask most people you know if a sex change is sexy or bizarre, setting aside all politically correct agendas. Even the gays will chime in with bizarre, most think it's a bit much as well.

You don't have to be transgendered to not be thought of as sexy or bizarre. Chances are you aren't transgendered and I have no doubt there are people who don't find you sexy and find you bizarre. The transgendered aren't asking you, personally, to find them that way. ...and I see you speak for most gays, being such a supporter as you are of gays.



His t.v. interviews are disgusting when I think of the grief it causes for his children and grandchildren not to mention his ex wives.

Strangely enough, his children and other ex-wives are extremely supportive. Why wouldn't they be? I'm betting all kinds of things that non-transgendered people do impact their spouses, children and grandchildren. They deal with it and often come out stronger and better people because of it because they understand it's not all about them but the person actually going through it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Caitlyn Jenner
Posted: 6/4/2015 10:11:19 AM

Jerome"s law-As an online discussion grows, the probability of a comparison involving black people approaches 1.Let the ad hominem begin . . .


What?...then you must agree with the unfounded psychiatric belief not so long ago that being black automatically rendered one to hold lower IQ than being white? Would you prefer that belief to still hold true? I believe all that was being stated by HFX with the reference to blacks was that society has and continues to evolve in their beliefs about different segments of the population, and have become more accepting and inclusive because of it - in this case, it's about transgenderism.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 31 (view)
 
Caitlyn Jenner
Posted: 6/4/2015 9:42:25 AM

Dr. Paul R. McHugh, the former psychiatrist-in-chief for Johns Hopkins Hospital and its current Distinguished Service Professor of Psychiatry, said that transgenderism is a “mental disorder” that merits treatment, that sex change is “biologically impossible,” and that people who promote sexual reassignment surgery are collaborating with and promoting a mental disorder


Of course he would say that, he's a psychiatrist, not a geneticist. It's his "opinion" and he has no scientific evidence to back up his claim. It would be like saying that you're a psychiatrist because you have an opinion, and I don't see where that's likely.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/4/2015 8:56:27 AM

the first time they put his transformed photo on the tv in that dress my penis contracted into my body like a scared turtle.
his situation and transformation from a manly Olympian gives me major cold water shrinkage.


That's perfectly fine, because she didn't transition to give you or anyone else a woody. I find it commendable that she has the intestinal fortitude that, while she is going through this, she has the mindset that because of her public profile she can attempt to bring peace to others who are in the same position as a motivational speaker, and at the same time "attempt" to bring understanding to people who otherwise believe it's just a kink that someone has. That she happens to be in a position to make money at the same time, so what? Everyone makes money in one way or another. Perhaps it's just the amount that makes people envious.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 377 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/3/2015 3:32:22 PM

What are the odds if they survey 1500 people, out of the entire USA, they would choose you?

Absolutely no odds - I'm in Canada, not the supposed centre of the UniverSe.


All told, more than 1.3 million men and women have been surveyed over the last 40 years, both here in the U.S. and in developed countries around the world. Wherever researchers have been able to collect reliable data on happiness, the finding is always the same: greater educational, political, and employment opportunities have corresponded to decreases in life happiness for women, as compared to men.


Oh I see, the access to greater educational, political, and employment opportunities are the cause of the decrease in life happiness for women... Is this reaaaaaaaally the causation for supposed unhappiness in women - the same thing that makes men more happy? Give me a break! Take all those same women and suddenly take the greater education, political and employment opportunities away from them and see if that suddenly makes them happier once again. Me thinks the interpretations are very skewed. As a matter of fact, if it's taken away, there would be plenty more unhappy men who are partnered with women who suddenly cannot assist with the bills that were once the sole domain of men. I call bullshyte to the interpretation of the "survey".
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Caitlin Jenning
Posted: 6/3/2015 1:52:28 PM

"CJ" still has the same XY chromosomes.


Very likely, which is why he's related more to his feminine side than his male side all these years that he's been suppressing. It's not as black and white as XY chromosomes but has more to do with the variances in XY - for more read up on such articles as found at http://www.isna.org/faq/y_chromosome


does changing the hormones inside your body really affect your thinking, and if so, does that really change your personality?

Apparently it does or can, as evidenced by men taking more testosterone hormones becoming more aggressive, etc.


Are gender stereotypes about personality types valid?

Only to a degree and based on the chemical/hormonal composition of each individual. For instance, because one male may want to jump out of airplanes and climb cliffs and the next man may not (as well as applying that to women), it depends on their natural level of adrenaline, their need for more, etc. Typically, males have more testosterone than women and women have more estrogen than men and is what creates a basic stereotype - however, with each person having different levels of hormones, there are varying subsets of personality types depending on those levels. On top of that, there are learned societal behaviours that are adopted which compel or force an individual to display different personality traits, even if they don't inherently feel they were born to feel that way.


is removing or adding something to your body so you feel comfortable with it, a good way to get comfortable with yourself?

You'd have to ask those who have done it, but I get the impression it must help or so many wouldn't feel compelled to follow through with it.


if a young person decided they wanted to change their body in order to get comfortable, would that be acceptable or is there a certain age where one is "able to make that decision wisely"?

Being that the human brain doesn't stop maturing until the mid twenties, I'd consider that age would be more appropriate to make a better and more informed decision.


Is there a difference between CJ and, say, Heidi Montag?

I believe there's a difference between plastic surgery for the sake vanity and plastic surgery for the sake of gender reassignment. Although it can make both individuals feel better about themselves, there are entirely different reasons for it.


is it simply a matter of, "you've got the money, go for it"...or is it important enough that insurance should cover it?

With the number of people who live an extremely troubled life because of it, I believe insurance should cover at least part of it, especially psychological counselling. That some people have the money to "go for it" is, I would imagine, fortunate for them.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Pof specific rejection
Posted: 6/3/2015 1:39:52 PM
Do you have better luck walking up to women on the street and asking them to meet up with you just because you might want to meet up with them? I don't imagine you do that to everyone woman you see that appeals to you under those circumstances. The majority would dismiss you just as readily. Why do you assume that something more is warranted from women you send an invite to meet up with on POF? Just because this is a dating site doesn't mean there is an obligation by every woman to respond to you positively, negatively or at all. Perhaps you need to be more discerning in your selection process?? If you believe you have better luck getting responses from women offline, perhaps that's what you should stick to.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 369 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 6/3/2015 11:19:43 AM

A lot of surveys report women are LESS happy now than they were 40 years ago, and men are more happy.

What do you or other women or men think is the cause of this?


I think the cause of this is surveys that are responded to by women who are less happy and men who are more happy. I for one was never included in any such survey and I doubt many, if any, women here were either. My response would be that I'm very happy. I, of course, can't answer for the men but there sure seems to be an awful lot of unhappy men here.

Feminists like to portray the issue of women's liberation as a conflict between men and women but this is an oversimplification. There are women who are entirely content with traditional women's roles and don't want anything to do with feminism. There are women who only want to support feminism when it's beneficial to them. Likewise there's men who support women's liberation and there's men who act like white knights - giving the impression of defending women but they really just want to get into their pants.


These would be the same women who are like those who are opted out of union contracts but reap the rewards that are fought for by those who have gone on strike to obtain better benefits. These "traditional" women let everyone else do their fighting for them but have all the choices now available to them. If they don't want to take advantage of the choices available to them, that in itself is a choice, not something that is forced upon them because of no other options.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 419 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 6/1/2015 3:40:44 PM
Re message 417: There have been all kinds of things "well documented" in scientific literature and psychology. I prefer to draw various conclusions or be open to other possibilities by personal observation as well as researching and reading various forms of literature, rather than being closed minded and believing absolutely everything I read in a one-sided manner.

It reminds me of the "scientific" literature espousing the need to stay away from egg yolks only to be now told that two egg yolks per day are encouraged for various reasons, that butter was to be avoided in favour of margarine and now margarine is to be avoided at all costs, that Pluto was a planet, wasn't a planet and now is again. All had supposed "well documented" scientific literature to back it up, just as psychological beliefs have changed throughout history. That some is basic and unchanging is a given, but much is also speculation. Yes, I get it...you believe you know much about everything when, in fact, it's readily apparent you know a little about a lot and the rest you make up as you go along, depending on who you feel you can impress or chastise. Carry on, though, it seems to be filling the attention you're craving.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 416 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 6/1/2015 1:52:50 PM

There tends to be quite a few men out there that equate sex to a relationship as well. While women may get hurt, men seem to get angry, jealous, and malicious. As a female, I know we get labeled for having more than one "companion".


I couldn't agree more. It's definitely not just women who believe that sex=relationship. Perhaps some of those men buy into the idea that ALL women equate sex with a relationship and it's actually those type of men who figure they are "trapping" a woman into a relationship that they themselves want. Then they get the bejeebers surprised right out of them when they find that women can simply enjoy sex for the sake of it without it meaning anything other than that. Liking someone well enough to have sex with them doesn't mean it's a requirement to jump into a full blown relationship and it shouldn't mean that for either men or women - not unless you're willing to wait to find out FIRST if the person is relationship material before sex enters into it - fat chance of that at the present time. Regardless of all the scientific studies, the way sex is viewed at any given time throughout history, a huge portion of it depends on society's "norms" at any given time and less on inherent supposed psychological/biological babble.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 178 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 11:05:42 PM

Men competing with men apparently isn't a problem - why is it a problem when a woman enters the fray and comes out on top? Because it's seen as a double blow to the man who doesn't have the ability and needs to find someone or something else other than himself for his shortfalls?


Hmmm..........I read this comment with some interest and I'd like a shot at answering this one (amidst all the trolling and flaming thats seems so incessant here lately).


Silverhawk, my comments weren't directed at all men, least of all yourself but the "gentleman" who indicated that women were "taking men's jobs". Your view of women in the workforce is as it should be with respect to the equality issue.

I'm not one of those "successful" women with degrees and the type of money or lifestyle the OP talks about, I simply own my own home and have been able to be meagerly self-sufficient with a home based business for 21 years. But I do have to wonder some about your comments re feeling "useful". Speaking for myself, I'm in a long-term relationship and with my guy, he's always trying to find ways to be useful as well. At first, I went out of my way to do all things around my home without asking for any assistance from him because I'd hate for him to think I was using him. As it turned out, he explained that he wanted to do things because when he does, he loves the appreciation shown to him. Perhaps that's at the crux of it for some men - feeling that they go through life being under-appreciated on so many fronts that it becomes more important to receive the appreciation in a relationship. Personally, I'd sooner pay someone to do things for me so it would free up more time to enjoy leisurely pursuits with my guy but I've found that if it makes him happy and that I truly appreciate his efforts, work, and the expense he has saved me, as well as doing those things together, it's a win win situation in the end.

Having said that, you'll find all kinds of guys on here who feel that's all women find them useful for and they do feel used. There are also men who have an old fashioned mindset that men and women have certain roles and that if they are crossed by a woman, she must be an extreme feminist. Fortunately, for them, there are women who hold the same beliefs. In the end, it boils down to the personality types of the individuals in a relationship as well as communicating your feelings - as per usual, it's not a one size fits all thing when it comes to relationships.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 136 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 1:48:58 PM

I thought you were one of them. I still do. I don't believe your protestation of innocence.


It's not my fault you are suffering both delusions of grandeur and a persecution complex. You're always so willing to offer "help" to others - might I now offer the friendly suggestion that you seek help for these maladies you seem to be displaying...over and over and over again.

vvv lol...you do crack me up, seriously. Why get so upset when someone else offers help and advice as you so freely do? If you don't busy yourself researching the names of psychologists/psychiatrists in your area who may be able to assist you, shouldn't you be happily spending your time with your dutiful wife - or is she scurrying about catering to your every desire while you think up something more condescending, misinformed and hilarious to post?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 129 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 1:26:57 PM

Better get what you can off your chest while I am still here. The misfits and losers are gunning for me as I post this. Its now only a matter of time, probably a very short time.


Oh get over yourself. You're not important or outrageous enough for people to actively gun for getting you dumped from here. Stop wasting all that effort by deleting yourself and making like you're some boogey man that people vote to get rid of. The time could be better spent keeping the same nic - you make yourself look more foolish with each new one you create anyway.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 126 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/29/2015 1:05:31 PM

they have taken jobs away from men and are competing on a day to day basis with men instead of being supportive of men. HOw do women possibly keep their femininity when they are now behaving like men?


This must be at the crux of his rants...that "some" women are making more money than him and his ilk and he perceives they are taking "men's" jobs away. Some of these types of men never stop to consider that the best person for the job is filling it and because it isn't a man it's like itching powder in the shorts of these type of guys.


From the teenage years young girls Laddettes are roaming the streets full of booze, swearing burping, farting, wolf whistling, mooning, shout out rude suggestions to men and it's simply disgusting in every way, but not only that they are wearing next to nothing, so it underlines the decline of modern society beginning at a very young age.


I see, it is being stated that young teenaged "Laddette" girls are growing into women who continue to do these sort of things. When boys do exactly the same thing, they're considered to grow into fine upstanding men? Maybe it's just locational. I don't see that sort of thing here - only on a very rare occasion - which is either a case of poor parenting but more probably peer pressure, not some feminist movement that causes adolescent girls to emulate adolescent boys, who then move on to become masculine women (ffs!).


What makes women attractive is femininity, vulnerability, kindness, politeness, good manners, approach ability, attentiveness, unconfrontational, understanding, caring, happy, unsuperficial, warmhearted and willing to put a man first.


Being kind, polite, with good manners, approachable, attentive, unconfrontational, understanding, caring, happy, not superficial, warm-hearted are qualities that are attractive in both males and females - not strictly female traits. But to be vulnerable? Why on earth should ANYone deliberately want to be helpless, defenseless, powerless, impotent, weak or susceptible in order to be found attractive? As far as putting a man first - I have trouble with this one as well. Ahead of what? I'm sure by the poster it must mean a feminine woman should always take a back seat to a man. It's obvious by his rants that she should have no opinions that differ or she is then termed a feminatzi. If a woman wants to put a man first, and a man wants to puts a woman first, doesn't that average out to equality?...which is something that the poster being quoted seems to be upset with. He wants women to take a back seat to men, which I find entirely unmasculine. The more a man believes in equality, the more confident and strong I believe he is. It's only those who are fearful and weak who have problems with feeling helpless when then cannot dominate and control others.


The problem is that they are brought up in a competitive environment where they are pushed to compete with males and the ones bought up by single moms get the full blow rant about how bad men are and the cycle repeats itself from generation to generation, until one day women all become lesbians that hate men, but that is exactly what the extreme feminists want as they are carpet munchers anyway and hate men with a passion.


How classy, but regardless... The western world is a competitive environment. Women aren't pushed to compete with men - it's a case of they are now allowed to. That some men feel they are shoved out of the way because they may lack abilities is no fault of the women who have filled a position those complainers have been unable to. Men competing with men apparently isn't a problem - why is it a problem when a woman enters the fray and comes out on top? Because it's seen as a double blow to the man who doesn't have the ability and needs to find someone or something else other than himself for his shortfalls?


Wake up people before it's too late and push for change in modern society.

I'll say!! Apparently there are still a few with Neanderthal thinking in our midst - we don't want them gathering steam and attempting to turn the clock back to a time when women weren't thought to have the mental acuity to vote.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 40 (view)
 
Are 21st century, western women intimidating?
Posted: 5/28/2015 1:32:37 PM

No not intimidating, but too self reliant and not willing to allow a man to be the first thing you think about in the morning and the last thing you think about at night. It is not weak for women to be feminine and allow a man to hold their heart in his hands, it is not weak to want a man to hold them, to comfort them, to take charge and to be a rock for them, it is not weak to allow a man to bring home the money for them while they look after the home and the children, it is not weak to want a man, to need a man and it is not weak to love a man. Women need to open up and get back in touch with their famine side and get rid of that righteous I am better than a man attitude for relationships to flourish once again in the modern day society.


So switch the words up from "intimidating" to "too self-reliant". Is this to say that men have a problem with women being self-reliant? I don't get the disconnect between being self-reliant and a man thinking because of that she can't think of a man, be feminine, be loved by a man, be held by a man, comforted by a man and have him be a rock for her when it's warranted while providing the same to him. Does this mean that men who are self-reliant cannot do and be all those things for a woman as well by virtue of being self-reliant? Being self-reliant is not a masculine trait alone but apparently there are those men who believe you aren't or can't be feminine if you do have the wherewithal to be self-reliant. I don't think it's a case of women having a righteous attitude of "I'm better than a man", but perhaps is more a case of some men feeling like less of a man when they find they can't control situations as much as they did in the past. Personally, I much prefer a shared existence with a man, not one where there are such defined roles as there were in the past. If a man can't deal with that, it's more his problem (ego) than blaming it on a woman's self-reliance.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 268 (view)
 
i think she may me over weight
Posted: 5/28/2015 1:16:57 PM

And now he took his marbles and isn't coming back.


Fret not, he's still here, but I think his marbles may have left before he even got here. Although I'm not entirely sure of that because he can certainly spin a funny yarn...lol
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 234 (view)
 
i think she may me over weight
Posted: 5/28/2015 11:03:44 AM
Ya, don'tcha just hate it when you post about a person and they can read about what a dork you are instead of having to find out firsthand?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 82 (view)
 
Do women run the show early in the relationship? If so how do men feel about it?
Posted: 5/28/2015 10:40:35 AM
First of all, you're not a relationship expert, Mr. Beta Male, you're a dating expert in that you have managed to at least get that far. By your own numbers you've averaged anywhere between 25 and 30 dates per year which would mean that you've not had any "long term relationships" in the past 10 years you state you've been on POF.

Secondly, women don't automatically want the guy to be in control in the way that you state. Women like men to take turns making decisions and making moves. If they don't take the initiative themselves, yes, they likely aren't as interested in you as you would like them to be.

It sounds to me like you're jumping all over her in an attempt to please her in an effort to keep her and she's probably finding you a little bit clingy in your attempts to please. You expect her to jump and send a text back to you for instance. People do have lives and although they may think the world of you, it doesn't mean that they drop everything to respond to you instantaneously all the time.

If you don't like what she's doing, communicate that with her - that's part of a relationship. Maybe that's part of your problem. You're so used to operating in dating mode that you really don't understand the relationship aspect of things.

Edit: Ok, so now you say "Yes in my 15 years of so dating I had the pleasure of being in 4 long term relationships that took up 13 of those 15 years."

This means you must have started "dating" at around age 16. What the frick is your definition of a longer term relationship if you've had four of them in 13 years? 3 1/2 years each, most of which were as an adolescent or 20-something, which leaves you with 2 years to have dated 300 people. Yup...still boils down to a guy able to land a date but not having the wherewithal yet to know what it takes to maintain an adult relationship. As I said above...communicate with HER about what you feel is lacking - not the people on a forum - we don't know what her desires are, you will only know that by discussing it with her and fixing your perceived problems.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 229 (view)
 
i think she may me over weight
Posted: 5/28/2015 9:25:23 AM
It's becoming clearer that the OP is the desperate one by lowering his vehemently stated disqualifiers and feels he has to lie about any number of things in order to obtain a date in the first place. Me thinks it's not just his inability to get out more than two nights a month that is the cause of his desperation. He's quickly determined to be a jerk, as all have determined here, and he can't maintain any form of lasting relationship, so is willing to take what he can get and then attempt to turn it around as though he is he's doing an overweight woman some kind of favour. He seems an obvious troll, but there are any number of weirdoes out there who operate like this, I'm sure.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 221 (view)
 
i think she may me over weight
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:50:07 AM
Happy Birthday Dee!! :^)

Sorry for your losses, LadyinRed :^(
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 212 (view)
 
i think she may me over weight
Posted: 5/28/2015 8:32:09 AM
I was thinking it would be great if she was hiding the fact she's a he and he didn't find out until some crucial stage...but then it became apparent that if he's willing to overlook her huge size for the sake of sex, he'd be willing to overlook the fact she's a guy in drag and he'll simply carry on regardless of any aversions in that regard also.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Women and Fake Beauty
Posted: 5/15/2015 4:45:24 PM
Obviously I don't know whether guys would prefer the fake or not, however, what I will say is you shouldn't be doing it for a man/men but for yourself. Too much fake on the outside will also present as too much fake on the inside, one way or another.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 52 (view)
 
Question of the Day
Posted: 5/14/2015 2:03:20 PM
Re intelligence, it depends on how and what you're measuring it by. IQ doesn't necessarily make you emotionally intelligent and there is, in fact, an EQ scale. No one knows everything, no matter how smart they think they are and no one knows absolutely nothing. Where one person may have drawbacks, others may excel in those areas and vice versa. I simply prefer someone who I can relate to easily and we can pick up the slack where the other is lacking. It would be pretty boring if you both knew the same thing about everything.

Re better looking, I would simply say what appeals to me and if that happens to be better or worse looking than me, it really doesn't matter, it's what I find attractive that is the draw, not how they compare to me.

 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 256 (view)
 
Independence VS Interdependance
Posted: 5/14/2015 1:01:59 PM

In fact, some people believe that the root cause of the 'depression epidemic' that seems to be sweeping the Western world, is at it's root, simple loneliness and a feeling of being disconnected from our fellow human beings.

...or could it be too MANY successive one night stands, casual sex, FWB that's causing the depression and people believing that simple sex will fix that disconnected feeling, rather than actually having a very connected feeling before sex even enters the picture? I'm not judging one way or the other - sexual contact may be considered a basic human need by many, but what takes us outside of the animal kingdom, I think, is that sex isn't necessarily the "need" but a deeper connection on a different level than casual sex can provide with an individual is the "actual" need. I dunno...I've always had a problem with the use of the words "sex is a need". I've always found the deeper connection outside of sex brings about the desire for the great sex and THEN feeling like you need it because of that connection, not the other way around.

It goes back to those studies of orphanages where the infants and toddlers are kept in conditions without human contact - their need for food and the other basics to keep them alive is there and they are "just" alive. It's the lack of interaction and contact in a meaningful way that is causing their emotional and psychological problems. The contact isn't sexual. That sex is an added layer to the contact as an adult is just that...another layer but not the actual need.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 115 (view)
 
Angry Daters
Posted: 5/14/2015 12:11:17 PM
I, for one, wouldn't be inviting someone to my home on the first few dates and use that as the basis for it then being a man's obligation to pay the expenses of the next date(s). I'd want to find out if he's "quality" based on his personality, not who pays for a meal or who cooks one.

If, I was in a conversation with someone that I was wanting to go out with on a date and it was my suggestion, it was me who footed the bill and I stated as much before even going, unless the guy absolutely insisted otherwise. He invites, he pays. I find that to invite someone on a date and then expect them to pay is like inviting someone to your home for a meal and then expecting them to buy the food and cook it.

No wonder there are angry guys out there thinking that all a woman wants is a free meal if he has to pay over and over and over again. Conversely, it's no wonder there are angry women out there if men feel payment of a meal is compensation for a grope or more over and over and over again.

I didn't expend all kinds of great expense either to get ready to go on a date - I do myself up the same way I would any other time I go out when not on a date, subject to the type of venue, and don't use that as part of the "expense" factor. All I know is I have never been told I'm high maintenance, nor have I had a problem with angry dating partners - in fact, was told it was a refreshing change of pace to the "usual" expectations that a lot of women seem to have and I was never met any expectations when a man invited and paid - go figure. I guess I had some inkling if they were "quality" before I went on the date in the first place.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 29 (view)
 
How Do Men Bond with Women?
Posted: 5/13/2015 1:39:14 PM
There's too much overthinking going on here in my opinion. How do you bond with anyone?? We'd all be living with our best friends if it wasn't for sex for the purpose of, firstly, procreation and secondly, access to frequent sex. That there is sexual chemistry that happens for both leading up to and during sex is one thing but it's not the sexual chemical kocktails that keep people together in a relationship. It's the commonalities, the caring for and by another person on top of the sexual aspect, making it as complete a package as you can get. People stay in loving relationships without sex for various reasons, even though one or the other may miss it; they stay in the relationship because of the other things that bind them to each other. Sex may seem to seal the deal initially, but it's not sexual chemistry that is THE tie that binds for the long haul.

vvvv I believe you're mistaking what "attracts" with what actually "bonds".
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 36 (view)
 
Taking advice from single people
Posted: 5/13/2015 9:21:13 AM

No one is arguing but you, it's called a question. I asked the validity of the advice on here from single people to other single people who to have success in dating and love. Like you, if you are single and have not landed a long term relationship then there is no advice you can help me with. lol


First, you have to know the success of the relationships of couples while their relationships were good and what made them good at the time. That they failed for some reason is a lesson in what not to do to make a relationship turn bad. If you wish, take advice from people who are in long-term relationships - it's not going to be any kind of measure, though, as to whether or not the relationship is good - just that it has longevity.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 85 (view)
 
Will the 6 officers charged in the death of Freddie Gray ... really go to jail?
Posted: 5/12/2015 1:50:15 PM

Oh, so I'm "arrogant" because i asked this geezer to write in more conventional English (Here, ON A NORTH AMERICAN SITE!), so his points could be better understood & appreciated!

Just when I thought you've reached your nadir of stupidity, you surprise us by kicking it up to new heights!


News flash!! You're posting in the GLOBAL forums, not a "North American site". Perhaps it is you who is best suited to go where YOU have less trouble understanding others....just sayin'.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 91 (view)
 
How can I start to trust women again?
Posted: 5/12/2015 1:32:03 PM

And the issue of course is that most of them aren't terribly sure what they REALLY want out of life.


In the OP's case, it sounds as though he's glomming onto either girls or women with a girl's mentality. If they're "girls" he's getting involved with, that's understandable - most girls don't know what they want out of life and act out accordingly. If it's "women" he's talking about who have had revolving door-type relationships and their self-worth is tied up in always being able to attract the next conquest, he's likely just the next in the string of them.

If he's attracting women who have just come out of relationships, they're likely still trying to find out what it is they want and filling that empty void until they figure themselves out again.

I'd suggest people like the OP attempt to find someone who isn't a young or older party animal, and who has been out of a relationship at least long enough to simmer down and have a clear direction insofar as wanting a long-term relationship instead of him catching them in the crazy period after breakups.

If he figures he's having to treat women like he's a father figure to them, it sounds like he's picking girls and not women and there's likely too big of an age gap. Most of it sounds like it's who he's targeting and the onus is on him to make better choices from the outset instead of attempting to make a square peg fit into his version of a round hole.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 7 (view)
 
something new to debate--the Sonny test
Posted: 5/8/2015 3:31:36 PM
The only way I delete fudge is by eating it.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 754 (view)
 
what is more important to the older woman in a boyfriend?
Posted: 5/8/2015 2:54:54 PM
1. That's why I don't date any woman from here. They're all feminazis and gold diggers. I was divorced 21 years ago and every single woman is like my ex.

2. Sock puppet, blah blah blah, sock puppet, blah blah blah, sock puppet, blah blah blah.

3. 50 posts in a row of: Tall IQ must die - stop telling me I'm the crazy one and need to take a break for my own well-being.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 23 (view)
 
Hotwifing
Posted: 5/8/2015 12:46:21 PM
lol...I'm out...not considering ever being a wife, never mind a hot one. Strangely enough, this isn't the first time I've heard of this type of desire. I don't begin to know the reason behind the desire and I really don't care - as long as people play safe so as not to harm others, whatever floats your boat!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 745 (view)
 
what is more important to the older woman in a boyfriend?
Posted: 5/8/2015 12:18:03 PM
re post 754: I certainly can't speak for all older women, only myself. Even though I am in a relationship of an unconventional nature, for me, I'm one of those could take it or leave it sort of women in that, if this relationship should end, I'm at a stage where I simply wouldn't feel the need to go on a "quest" to find a replacement. I don't know where that feeling stems from, other than I'm quite content - but then I've always been comfortable with my own company. I own my own home, have a job that pays my own way, have interests that keep me busy, etc. Having a relationship with a man is nice when it happens, but I don't "need" it as an older woman. When single, I actually found that attitude seemed to draw men to me, rather than push them away - so that's another thing to ponder the why of.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Hit on while taken.?
Posted: 5/8/2015 11:08:12 AM
I get what you're saying fullmoonguy. Both men and women are affected by rejection and react in differing ways according to personality. Women are rejected for as many reasons as men are rejected and it's done in different ways. Men may more often be more vocal about blatantly pursuing women, but women use differing tactics to be pursued in the first place. Particularly when younger, when women tend to go out more in larger groups - some in the group are not hit on at all and, therefore, are rejected and feel it, especially when in the company of their friends who are being hit on. Then they go the route as you described in your post. So it seems men may lash out verbally at the object of their desire more often (if they lash out at all), and women kind of lash out at themselves for not being as desirable as their counterparts by seeking to change their outward appearance in a more extreme way than men might.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 257 (view)
 
Love at first sight
Posted: 5/8/2015 9:32:56 AM
@ crookcatcher - baaahahahaha! Doppelganger pheromones and all!
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 57 (view)
 
Is revenge sweet justice? Or is it petty?
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:55:55 AM
I'm not seeing how revenge in a relationship would draw two people closer. If it's after a break-up, isn't the revenge the break-up itself?
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 739 (view)
 
what is more important to the older woman in a boyfriend?
Posted: 5/8/2015 7:50:35 AM

For those who have been around a while.....Think about who was SO vocal about "gangs" before they melted down and 'disappeared'.....??


Exactly. The MO is to create new profiles, be slightly annoying (nothing even grievous enough to warrant getting the boot by ANYone), warn that there's a gang, then self-destruct in an effort to prove the theory true that it happens, and then, whalla, getting posters on the thread to agree that, yup, there must be a gang. The individual isn't some kind of prophet - they're creating an illusion like a magician - however, we've seen the smoke and mirror trick over and over again. I simply don't see anything posted in this thread to suggest there is a gang - all I see are people who disagreed with him/her in both personas and they again took that opportunity to fling in the suggestion of a gang in an effort to prove themselves right about a gang. lol...it IS like a game of Clue, Dee!
 
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