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rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 50 (view)

rape/molestation victims and dating..... Posted: 11/21/2009 2:28:36 AM
There are some things in life you don't "get over"----sadly, there are so many people in pain in the world and suffering. We need to be kind and empathic. I think everyone struggles with something. So many people who don't understand cause more suffering by being judgemental.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

rape/molestation victims and dating..... Posted: 11/20/2009 11:23:58 AM
I've been working like a "Trojan" for over 10 years to get the message out there regarding verbal and physical abuse. The statistics are global.....and staggering: 1 in 3 women are abused and every 9 seconds a woman is assaulted. Of course this can happen to men, but my research is in regards to women. There are some things you do not get over.....you heal as much as you can (with a therapist, or good friend) and do the best yu can with the rest of your life. I've written a 25 page paper on the subject for my class (Society's Hidden "Epidemic"--Verbal Abuse: Precursor to all Violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault.) Love to all, Sassy....if anyone wants a copy, let me know.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 40 (view)

Has anyone gotten counseling.. Posted: 11/11/2009 8:59:38 AM
Perhaps you wrote your own answer: You may want to consider being authentic and honest with him. you couldn't feel worse than you do now, right? Write a letter? I am not sure what happened, but at least you could do those things. If you acted like you didn't care, then obviously.....he thought you didn't. I am also a psych. major, but I value my common sense more than any degree, LOL I won a scholarship, but it wasn't academic (it was because I wrote my life story) I am sorry you are so hurting. Hugs, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Do you know what exactly what you want from life now? Posted: 8/12/2009 7:15:35 AM
I have always known what I wanted from life. Joined the army right out of high school and have been going ever since. I've been working like a Trojan for over 10 years to get the message out in the media regarding verbal abuse (most often not understood; even by therapists, unless they have been specifically trained). Usually all verbal abuse leads to the physical abuse, and in the year 2010 there will be approximately 52 million women living in abuse. I went back t school and won a scholarship; it was easy; all I did was write about my life; Ghost Child to Triumph (from a child with no voice to someone who speaks up against injustice) is the name of my memoir, which will be published soon, and I have also written a book of poetry: Sanctuary of the Soul. My endorsements (bought with blood, sweat and tears) take my breath away: Elie Wiesel, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Miller, Wayne Dyer,, Patricia Evans, Clint van Zandt, Dr. Larry Dossey....14 in all. Bill O'Reilly of the "Factor"---the producer sent me an e-mail; I may be on the show....I believe we are all here to make a difference, and If I can get on National TV, I can do that. I have always been/felt driven to do something meaningful and important in my life. That has always been my goal. If persistence is the key, I will be successful. Smiles.....watch for me on tv :) :)

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 30 (view)

What is compassion? Posted: 7/24/2009 11:14:39 AM
It is the ability to be able to feel another person's feelings.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Younger men wanting sex chat Posted: 7/22/2009 6:52:04 AM
Happens to me all the time. Who knows? I don't care why they do it. It is rude, ignorant and DISrespectful. They wouldn't know class, grace or elegance if it hit them with a train. I am not into babysitting. :) :)

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 68 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 7/12/2009 4:23:12 AM
I am the moderator of an abused survivors group. THe statistics are 1 in 3 women are being abuse. My expertise is in verbal abuse; usually all abuse begins with the verbal. I recommend to everyone on the planet the book which saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans If you are abused as a child, you are set up to accept that as an adult. Ths is what I did for 31 years. Education is the key, and amazingly enough, what I experienced didn't affect my relationships. I've written 3 papers on verbal abuse (submitted one to the American Counseling Association)..the Title: Society's Hidden "Epidemic"--Verbal Abuse: Precursor to all physical violence and a Form of Biochemical Assault Whenever we are abused, cortisol is released into our bloodstream, cortisol damages our immune system. If anyone is interested in my paper, feel free to e-mail me: wacalice@aol.com Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

I won't be an old Biddy! Posted: 6/15/2009 7:25:25 AM
I have the attitude and energy of an 18 years old. Getting old (whatever that means, LOL) is not one of my options! I have a 97 year old teacher; she is my role model; she is still acting in plays.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 220 (view)

Women that wear too much makeup at our age.... Posted: 6/3/2009 10:19:49 AM
You aren't supposed to put it on with a trowel/spackle........it is supposed to enhance your features, not cover them. See my face; no makeup.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 54 (view)

Are older men sometimes intimidated by older sexy women? Posted: 6/2/2009 6:08:36 AM
I have been told that more than once.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

I am not a senior! Posted: 5/18/2009 10:38:27 AM
I dislike lables. Just call me Princess. I may be a senior when I am 100, but not before that. Smiles,

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 56 (view)

Do you agree with this (A little offensive) Posted: 5/5/2009 11:55:48 AM
Goodman (?): You have no idea what you are talking about. My drive is and always has been....... on overdrive. Categorizing women, tsk , tsk. Older woman SHOULD choosy. Sheesh...... P.S. You are not a "cougar".....unless you just had an operation? Older women.....ROCK...they get it.....you missed it.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 65 (view)

gaslighting, has anyone ever experienced this? Posted: 3/27/2009 5:54:52 AM
I experienced verbal (emotional) abuse for 31 years....yes, "gaslighting"...also called "crazy-making" behavior. Literally, brainwashing. The book that saved my life: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans One Ph.D. called it, "The Cornerstone of Civilization." I concur. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 37 (view)

What does voluptuous mean to you? Posted: 3/11/2009 8:02:58 AM
Please see photo for explanation. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

Born Believer? Posted: 2/2/2009 10:12:38 AM
Yes, I am a born believer. I still believe in "They lived happily ever after.".....the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, Easter Bunny, etc......wishing on stars. I still watch cartoons......I believe we are all here f or a purpose, and that is to make a difference; I do this by counseling the abused. Without my faith, and sense of humor, I might be drooling in a corner somewhere; born with a never give up attitude; optimist. Good thing, LOL, LOL

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Does anyone forget what it's like? Posted: 1/25/2009 5:20:12 AM
no, I haven't forgotten. It has been 3 years, since I don't want to have casual sex; it is the most intimate form of communication, and I want it to mean something. I am also a christian, and that has a lot to do with. It is excruciating (to not have it), though. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 33 (view)

Tough ole' broads, and those who love them! Posted: 1/23/2009 1:41:44 PM
I will never be tough or old (and I hate the word "broad") I will always be....sassy, saucy, irreverant, free-spirited with grace and class. Gracefully, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Why some get better with age, and others don't Posted: 1/23/2009 11:45:45 AM
Totally! I have been called a "fairy-child"---tend to live in the moment, and that everything will be okay ("Pollyanna, too!)....blessed to have been born with good genes (no lines or wrinkles and I smoke, LOL), and Captain Sam for an ancestor (at age 86 he fought the British, killed 3, was beaten , stabbed, bayonted 14 times, had half of his face shot off....and lived!) He lived until 96 years old; this was in 1776!! Perhaps wit your indulgence, LOL.....I will let you know what I've done in my life (persistence, persistence, LOL); grew up abused in every way imaginable; abusive mother, never knew my father, extreme poverty (no phone, car, refrigerator, bathroom [terlet in the attic, LOL,).....120-year old tenement house with no foundation and snow which came in thru a crack in the wall....cockroaches and rats (rarely visited us; afraid of my mother, LOL)......molested, blah, blah. I joined the army right out of high school; then married an abuser (surprise).....divorced after 31 years. www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com (was the result of that debacle.....church voting me out of membership, with my name up on a big screen, followed by the words: "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God." I have over 15,200 hits. I believe we are all here for a purpose, and that is to make a difference.......so I counsel the abused. I went back to school last year and won a scholarship; it was easy; all I had to do was write about my life. My memoir: Ghost Child to Triumph: From a child with no voice to someone who speaks up against injustice. My endorsements take my breath away: Elie Wiesel, Dr. Larry Dossey, Alice Miller, Nikki Giovanni, Patricia Evans, etc...... Moderator of an abused survivors' group Joined the American Counseling Association and went to Hawaii (took money out of my retirmement, doncha know) for the convention. I am determined to make a difference, and get on Oprah or any other talk show....to get the message out their regarding verbal abuse (not often recognized nor understood.) In other words genetics and attitude are everything (I think, LOL)......I will never be old..... Thanks for the thread, and for the opportunity to brag.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 36 (view)

women's church talks about her sins in having sex Posted: 12/21/2008 6:17:47 AM
www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com It happened to me. Got a divorce after 31 years of abuse....long story.....Unless I agreed to reconcile, they were going to take it before the church. I fought the spiritually abusive system for 18 months to try and prevent the pastor (of disaster) from counseling any more women, because 2 of them wanted to commit suicide (because of the pastor's counseling abilities). In the end (on my birthday no less), my name was put up on a big screen followed by the words, "Conduct Unbecoming a Child of God." They did this 3 times. I guess their problem was that I let the ex live in my house for awhile after the divorce. I was called to a meeting of deacons (not allowed to have a woman with me), and asked: 'Are you still having sex with your ex?!" No boundaries. I am a christian; unfortunately I haven't been able to attend a church again. Spiritual abuse is a wound that goes so deep into the soul, but something positive came out of the debacle (my website); I have over 15,200 hits now. I kept my faith, but lost a church family after 31 years. THe painful thing, is that my daughter and family still attend.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 70 (view)

Practicing Celibacy am I alone! Posted: 12/15/2008 12:09:05 PM
No, you are not alone......I've been celibate since my divorce 3 1/2 years ago.........It is a choice I made because of my faith. (When one is a touchy-feely, tactile, huggy-kissy person)........It is excruciatingly.......difficult. Sometimes I have to remember to breathe.......and stop chewing the pain off my walls :) :)

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Why do so few women seek only sex?? Posted: 12/12/2008 1:01:18 PM
It a nutshell........brains.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

new to the sexual arena Posted: 12/10/2008 6:18:00 AM
Sex is the most intimate, incredible experience you can share with another human. Don't let someone use you. Value YOURSELF first. I have been celibate since my divorce, because (for me) sex is for when you are in love with someone. Hugs, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

Previous Abuse and Its Effect on Intimacy Posted: 12/3/2008 7:09:57 AM
I was abused (verbally and physically) for 31 years in a "marriage"--also as a child. I seem to have no problem with trust, etc.....did a lot of work on myself (now an undergrad. in social work, psych.).......My faith, and over 400 poems and my wicked wit and sense of humor saved me. Not to mention my resilience. Being from Maine didn't hurt either (we are a feisty bunch, LOL, LOL) The statistics are staggering: 1 in 3 women abused; I have written 3 papers on verbal abuse, and how it is the pre-cursor to ALL abuse......I condider verbal abuse to be society's best kept secret; flying under the radar, etc.... I think the book that saved my mind and life should be required reading for everyone on the planet: The Verbally Abusive Relationship by Patricia Evans Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Evolution of sexual behaviors Posted: 11/19/2008 6:48:08 AM
Gosh, I am so glad I didn't evolve from a chimp (or any other animal). As a believer, I believe that I was "fearfully and wonderfully made" ....by the Creator.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

Do I ever miss physical touch! Posted: 11/18/2008 12:45:21 PM
I read somewhere once, that we need something like 15 hugs a day ...just for mental health. Babies die without touch. We as adults, don't die, but our spirit can. I agree with what you said ismene1...twice! I consider myself the poster-child for huggy-kissy, touchy-feely, but none of that going on; it has to be right. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Do I ever miss physical touch! Posted: 11/17/2008 7:15:27 AM
I feel exactly the way you do, op......and I have never been prepared to be alone for the rest of my life. I had a similar situation (being touched by a professional), and of course, he didn't and couldn't have known what that brief touch did for me. I consider myself the poster-child for "touchy-feely"----and it is not happening. Hugs, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 17 (view)

How can anyone feel comfortable enough to have sex? Posted: 11/2/2008 3:25:29 AM
God doesn't have a dirty mind....it is PEOPLE who have made sex.."dirty, evil." We are all sexual creatures, and have that desire....like eating, sleeping, etc......you believe(d) what you were taught; as an adult you can get some counseling and try to change your mindset.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Never being successful...over 50. Posted: 11/1/2008 5:59:08 AM
I grew up in extreme poverty and abuse. I joined the army right out of high school. Even if I had wanted to go to school, I couldn't have. I then survived 31 years of an abusive marriage. Got a divorce, then survived church abuse (www.churchabusepoetrytherapy.com)...faith-based poems of anguish, healing and hope came pouring from my wounded soul....with almost 15,00o hits I've always been able to make something positive come from the "ashes" of my life. I am the moderator of an abused survivors' group. I started school last Fall, and won a women's scholarship; it was easy; all I had to do was write about my life. I've been published in a psychiatric journal (no, it isn't a case study, LOL), and in a University journal (2 times). I've written my memoir, and have amazing endorsements (Elie Wiesel, Nikki Giovanni, Alice Miller, Patricia Evans, Dr. Larry Dossey, etc., etc). In other words, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps at 18, and haven't stopped since. I feel the need to make a difference, and if persistence is the key.....I will be successful at getting my book published, getting on Oprah, and a lot of other things I feel driven to do. Success for me, is NEVER giving up.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

What is being successful with one's life? Posted: 10/31/2008 12:58:13 PM
To me, "success" is how many people have you helped......how many people loved you. I believe we are all here for a purpose and that is to make a difference. Imagine....how the world would change, if every person on the planet.....said or did......one nice thing a day....?

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Going to seed - our fate? Posted: 10/27/2008 11:55:58 AM
Rogerr.....That wasn't very supportive; I am sure the op knows that stuff; she was just running it by us to get a response, etc..... (by the way I am in the mental health field). Is it because you are from Jersey? LOL

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Why are we still so affraid to let people in? Posted: 10/27/2008 7:05:49 AM
I'm not afraid to let anyone in.....outgoing, gregarious in nature..adventuresome. Unfortunately, I haven't met anyone I want to let in yet. My drawbridge is down.... waiting for him to gallop on in........what fun we will have!

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 21 (view)

Going to seed - our fate? Posted: 10/27/2008 7:03:03 AM
I will never go to "seed." I agree with the above posters, and am sorry you found your friend in such a state. Hugs, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 757 (view)

Curvy Vs Slim Posted: 10/26/2008 10:08:14 AM
Wickedly curvy......

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 58 (view)

Dead Fish F*ck Posted: 10/22/2008 1:27:44 PM
Right on, whoissue!! Some people would rather have Thunderbird, rather than Robert Mondavi Cabernet Sauvignon!

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 126 (view)

Why do you stay with PEOPLE who disrespect you? Posted: 10/22/2008 8:19:01 AM
I can help you with that. I've written 3 papers on abuse: verbal and physical. I am also the moderator of an abused survivors' group. The reasons are varied: I stayed for 31 years hoping for change. Usually one of the major reasons: Abusive pasts....it is very difficult to understand that, and society asks the "wrong" question: Why do you stay? I believe the book "The Verbally Abusive Relationship" by Patricia Evans should be required reading for everyone on the planet. It saved my life. 1 in 3 women are being abused; those statistics are staggering. My e-mail: wacalice@aol.com (just put from poh, so I won't delete it). Smiles, Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem. Posted: 10/18/2008 4:59:39 AM
One of my favorite sayings: "If it's to be....it's up to me."

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 63 (view)

Good looking women and sex Posted: 10/16/2008 1:04:48 PM
I've never seen such a bunch of generalities in my life

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 59 (view)

Young At Heart ??? Posted: 10/15/2008 5:55:49 AM
I will always feel 18. I tell people I will never be old. They don't get it, but that's okay; I know what I mean...attitude and great genes.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Wish you were younger? Read the other forums! Posted: 10/13/2008 6:14:24 AM
I am constantly amazed at what others do and say. At age 18, I was serving my country......even though I was unbelivably naive (hey, being brought up in a little town in New England...and going to San Francisco at the height of hippie-dippie, peace, love, summer of love, drugs, etc......)...major culture shock. But I had common sense, and a solid moral background (hey, the Baptist church and a single mother....the strictest upbringing I've ever heard of) kept me safe and in balance. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Mojo Working Posted: 10/10/2008 6:38:48 AM
My "voo-doo" is working slowly. I know what I want, and won't settle for something else/less.....i just wish it wasn't taking so LONG! Three years and holding (on!)... If I had any more charm, I would be twins! LOL, LOL

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 172 (view)

My embarressing oral question Posted: 10/10/2008 5:56:45 AM
It is amazing.....(for me) much more intense than intercourse.....the orgasm is excruciatingly unbelievably mind-blowing.......takes me to the moon and back.

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Why some women don't like receiving oral Posted: 10/10/2008 5:47:52 AM
I am in that 4 percentile (although have been celibate since divorce, waiting for the "right one") ....always have had an orgasm with intercourse.....also with oral sex. Brought up as strict as one could be (Baptist, single mother...super strict, and no knowledge of sex), one would have thought I might be uptight, etc....but I think because I had NO knowledge of sex, etc.....just did what came naturally?! No pre-conceived notions or hang-ups. Being free-spirit helped; how ironic....that I was in the army. Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

How Many Times Have You Said I Love You? Posted: 10/9/2008 6:14:34 AM
I say it constantly; to my children, grand-children, mother, sister and my beloved friends. I have always lived with the---do it now, and say it now.......kind of thinking....because the next second is not promised to us. I don't want to have any regrets....and so I make sure the people I love...know it! As for men, only a few times. I love you....Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 72 (view)

Stupid, stupid, stupid Posted: 10/7/2008 7:51:46 AM
I would tell him the truth: He betrayed your trust.......that is indefensible. How would he feel if you shoved something into an area that you knew he wouldn't like??!! Rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

The Wake (Poem).... Posted: 10/7/2008 5:54:08 AM
(I've written over 300 poems, and this is but one). This is about grieving what one never had (after 31 years of abusive marriage.) The Wake I sit alone at the wake It comes and goes....the ache I wear black on the inside It never appears as if I've ever cried There are no other mourners at the gathering No eulogies...or songs to sing The casket (contains) and is closed...to symbolize Needs unmet There are no flowers The death of hope...of saddest hours This is a wake--of soitude A mourner's fugue No pictures to surround the dead No one remembering---this is what she said There are picture frames devoid of photos....which should be there Of a life...where nothing...was ever shared The lights are low...the funeral director quietly asks: "Are you ready to go?" To take the journey...the burden..to lie it down...upon the hardened ground All without One sound The silent dark procession of the soul...the journey...to be whole From grief--relief----I must say goodbye...I know Sign the guestbook...take one last look The funeral was over many years ago...the tears, the anguish is something You too well..do know The silent vigil you still keep....while wandering...in your sleep I must sit a little longer...and when I am ready I will go There is no one to stqnd with you at the gave There was nothing that could be saved Isn't it ironic...that they call it..... a wake (awake)

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

Is this happening to anyone else or is it just me being too independent? Posted: 10/6/2008 6:29:39 AM
I have always been independent, but I believe "people who need people...are the luckiest....in the world." I don't know if I am "lucky,-----but I believe we are all here for a purpose and that is to make a difference in the world. I counsel the abused, and in doing that, help to heal myself. I've written over 300 poems, and they are part of my healing process, also. I think it is a gift when we can share our pain....no one can fix it......but keeping it all inside can be destructive (mentally and....physically)........ Yes, I wish I had a partner/friend (male) to share the joys and sorrows of life! Hugs, Sassy

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 4 (view)

Dealing with the death of an Ex Posted: 10/3/2008 10:04:37 AM
I am sorry. I agree with IrishEyez....have a memorial. Love, Sassy

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

Filling that empty void Posted: 9/19/2008 6:59:12 AM
I've been on a spiritual path since childhood....born again christian (before that term was popular), LOL Always knew who I was.......now just to find someone ELSE who wants to know who I am, LOl, LOL Smiles, rossal

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

How you see yourself in 10 years from know? Posted: 9/8/2008 12:17:28 PM
Oh, fancynanci: I love what you said. I am...a dreamer; always have been; which is ironic...which I won't go into. That is my hope and dream, also........to be with a wonderful man who worships me (and I will....him!) I'll be just as I am now; full of life and dancing, singing, writing; probably still continuing my educatiion (psychology), as I just started school last year (and won a scholarship). My grade school teacher is going to bre 96 this September, and she is my role model. Who do you know who can say they played piano for silent films??!!

rossal

Joined: 12/5/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

I think I now understand why you are divorced. Posted: 9/5/2008 7:00:46 AM
It's called verbal abuse....abusers rarely change (I know....I stayed for 31 years, hoping for change)...I never talk about my ex when on a date. No point. Smiles, Rossal

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