A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? chat & forums.

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Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 114 (view)

A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? Posted: 10/24/2009 6:04:26 PM
I am very glad to see so many guys answering this one so positively. Good to know there are so many gentlemen out there who don't condone this kind of crap.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

If the Bee Gee's can't figure it out, there's no hope! Posted: 10/22/2009 9:05:44 PM
Does she know how you told me you'd hold me until you died....but you're still alive! You oughta know!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Kissing cheating? Posted: 10/22/2009 8:57:23 PM
Was this kissing event while you were broken up or after you got back together? If during, she was a free agent, dude. If after, Houston, we have a problem!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

REVENGE SEX. Posted: 8/26/2009 3:50:36 PM
Are you venting or are you bragging? What woman in their right mind would want to have sex with you to get back at your girlfriend? Maybe you're pissed off, but your mother was right....2 wrongs never make a right!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Joining the Broken Hearts Club Posted: 8/7/2009 8:38:04 PM
You go, girl! Losers like him come and go (hopefully). Now it's time to find a good guy who isn't afraid of commitment and will treat you like you deserve. Good luck at the gym!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Friends With Benefits Posted: 6/14/2009 12:43:05 PM
Guys, let up on the poor girl! I'm sure she knows that not all men are jerks. It's a shock to the system to find out some dude doesn't think enough of you to want to date you. Her feelings were hurt and she was venting. Like most of the people on this site haven't done that before! Green, just use this as a learning experience and move on.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

confused and frustrated Posted: 6/14/2009 12:34:55 PM
Run far, far away, Diva. He's the classic commitment-phobe. Let someone else worry about him and go on with your life.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/27/2009 1:35:40 PM
Wow! I need to find a guy like you! I dump you when I want, I call you back when I want. And you keep coming back for more punishment. You are in serious denial, dude. Again, I've gotta ask....are you on a deserted island and she's the only woman available? It's time to grow a new pair of cajones. The old ones aren't working. Don't your friends give you hell about this situation? You need help, darlin' or, at least, a sharp kick in the butt or a slap upside your head. You are whipped.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/25/2009 7:52:01 PM
Dude! C'mon! Do you live on a deserted island and she is the only female available? I don't think so.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 53 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/24/2009 10:00:09 AM
Okay, it's been 7 days now? Have you caved yet?

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 39 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/18/2009 4:44:23 PM
Dude! Shopping together? Are you kidding me? OMG! If you're "beginning to not care anymore", why do you keep doing this to yourself? You need another pair of cajones....I'll send you one of my spare pairs.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/16/2009 10:34:31 AM
You do realize they call it a breakup for a reason, right? It's broken. Unlike what Hollywood and romance novels would like us to believe, there is usually no happy ending in this kind of situation. Believe me, many (if not all) of the people on this site have gone through similar experiences. Forget all of the past happy times, promises and possibilities with this chick. You need to ask yourself, after all of the crap she's put you through, do you really want this person in your life? My advice is to wish her well and tell her goodbye and never contact her ever again. If you keep dwelling on her and "what if's", you will never be able to find that happy ending with anyone else.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/11/2009 4:53:55 PM
Danger, Will Robinson! Why can't you do this by phone or email? Be careful. And don't pay for her meal!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

restoring yourself Posted: 5/11/2009 4:50:29 PM
Yo Funky! If you can't tell urine from water, I really don't wanna drink your local tap water! lol

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

WHY CANT I SEEM TO FIND THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE ? Posted: 5/11/2009 11:46:56 AM
As a fellow veterinarian, I sometimes wonder if some guys are too intimidated by our intelligence and abilities (including knowing how to castrate). Maybe we just scare guys away....or maybe we just haven't found Mr. Right yet. Good luck to you and happy hunting!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

restoring yourself Posted: 5/11/2009 11:30:07 AM
Mademoisele1 is right. This was all his fault. You did nothing wrong. Unfortunately, he knew he was playing with your heart, you didn't know this and you ended up with a broken heart & trust issues. Why would you assume he wasn't being truthful? Because you're a nice person. He is not. I also had reservations about my last boyfriend, but I still took a chance on him and ended up with a broken heart. It's been 9 months since he broke up with me and I'm still hesitant to trust another guy. I hate this, but I don't know what else to do. I liked being in a monogamous relationship and would love to find my Prince Charming, but I'm sick of kissing all of these toads!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

'you can have any girl you want' -she said. Posted: 5/11/2009 11:16:38 AM
Have you ever thought that maybe if she knew you weren't available anymore, she wouldn't keep dragging you back into her clutches and then dropping you? As long as she knows that you'll be there for her, she'll keep doing this. You are her fall-back guy. Have you tried explaining what she's doing to you? A nice & sane person would realize she's keeping you down. If you have, and she is still doing this to you, she is a bad and/or weak human being and you need to get as far away from this poisonous person as you can. Change your phone number, move, change your name, etc. if you are equally weak where she is concerned. You need to get on with your life. I know this is easier said than done, but you just have to do it. You have the rest of your life to live and there is someone out there meant for you. As long as this chick is still lurking in your life, you will never find the love of your life. Good luck to you.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

why do men start relationships and never intend to follow thru Posted: 5/2/2009 8:12:32 PM
It's probably because they have such short attention spans. Hence the reason for so many replays during sports, online porn & premature ejaculations. I'm just sayin'!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

What guys really want? Posted: 4/18/2009 5:57:43 PM
My own dad told me that men are jerks and idiots. I just wish he would have told me before I was dumped!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Need closure!! Posted: 4/1/2009 4:32:26 PM
Closure. Good luck with that. I think that the only way both people in a failed relationship get closure is if it was a mutual decision to end the relationship. The person who chooses to end things (the dumper) has a long time to find closure. Usually, the day of the dumping when he/she finally gets the courage to do "the deed" is when they attain their closure. The dumpee usually has no choice and always has issues of "why?" and "wtf?" Of course, the dumper usually will not disclose their reason for the dumpage... unless they give the old adage, "it's not you, it's me". I have many fantasies of attaining closure.... usually they involve an ant hill & honey, a mob hit or (the ultimate) a hunky, younger new boyfriend. The first 2 would probably get me in trouble. Anyone care to assist me with that 3rd issue?

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

I don't want a relationship with anyone right now Posted: 3/15/2009 1:33:07 PM
I understand completely. After getting rejected so many times, I am having serious self-esteem issues. And if I hear "it's not you, it's me" one more time, I may scream. Everyone tells me that I just haven't found The One yet and that all of the previous guys have been practice. Well, I have just one thing to say... Practice sucks! I'm ready for the real thing, please.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Girlfriend ended the relationship with a TXT message. How low Posted: 3/6/2009 2:43:45 PM
It's not just women doing this to guys. Guys do it too. Your experience is very similar to mine, except I got voice mail. People like this are a waste of space in my opinion. Here's hoping I can find a guy with some class next time. OP, I wish you good luck with your next lady.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

The cuter you are... Posted: 2/27/2009 5:16:49 PM
It's a fact of life, I'm afraid. Cute, fit people get more advantages then fat, not so cute people. I am guilty of the same issue. I prefer cute, buff guys even though I am overweight. I thing I'm cute as the****ns tho. ;-) Maybe it's a caveman mentality of the fit, muscular guy would be more successful bringing home the food to the cave than the unfit, chubby guy. At least you have had the good fortune & guts to lose weight...whether it was for health reasons or to attract the ladies. I can't seem to make myself do what I need to do to lose my weight. I have no idea if it's because I'm lazy or if I have psychological issues about it. I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to get motivated. Maybe subconsciously, I figure if I stay fat, I won't attract any men and, therefore, I won't get hurt by them. Ooooh, that's deep!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

My story Posted: 2/26/2009 5:41:12 PM
Addendum to my story: Just got online and clicked on the page for "Guys that think I'm hot" and my ex is on it. What a jerk!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

The one that got away, She dumped you on xmas day!!! Posted: 2/21/2009 4:59:24 PM
Dude, Have you ever heard of a paragraph? My eyes are crossed trying to read this.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Trouble Moving On Posted: 2/17/2009 7:00:32 PM
Hey socoj34, is your job on POF the devil's advocate or Simon Cowell? Honesty is good, cruelty is not, duder.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

My story Posted: 2/17/2009 6:54:57 PM
Or maybe I just didn't want to come off as a psycho b***h. Looks like I'm screwed no matter what I do. If I play it cool, apparently I don't care. If I complain too much, I'm whiny & clingy. Is it too much to ask my fairy godmother to get off her butt and come help me with this mess? Ay caramba!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Dreams interpolation Posted: 2/17/2009 6:30:36 PM
I dream about my ex all the time. In some of them, he's begging me to take him back; some, it's as if we never broke up. At first, I was hopeful that the dreams were a sign from the heavens that he would be calling me soon. Now, I just consider them nightmares. I'm hoping to get back to my original (pre-relationship) dreams of a threesome with Johnny Depp & Orlando Bloom.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 50 (view)

Another Singles Awareness Day.... Feb 14th Posted: 2/14/2009 11:55:07 AM
867-5309....you go, girl! I noticed the banners too. I guess POF needs the money.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Another Singles Awareness Day.... Feb 14th Posted: 2/6/2009 6:00:57 PM
That post was for socoj34, BTW.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Another Singles Awareness Day.... Feb 14th Posted: 2/6/2009 5:59:50 PM
Hey dude, kinda cynical, aren't ya?! Are you suggesting she settle for less than she wants or deserves? This is a forum to help people, not tear 'em down.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

My ex called after 2 years...HELP Posted: 2/6/2009 5:53:25 PM
DON'T DO IT!!!!! Danger, danger!!!!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Where did she go? Posted: 2/6/2009 5:50:51 PM
Iceman, there you go dissing hillbillies again. Everyone knows that hillbillies prefer moonshine over gizzards. (P.S. as a hillbilly from TN, I am allowed to diss other hillbillies!)

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Will be a year tomorrow.. Posted: 2/6/2009 5:44:13 PM
There is no right or wrong when it comes to grief. You take as long as you need to heal. Sometimes, being around friends helps; sometimes you just want to wallow in the pain alone. Whatever works for you. Just know that eventually things will be better and life goes on.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

My story Posted: 1/30/2009 8:26:10 PM
Reply to Carol Ann: I'm no longer interested in FWB's. I have grown up. Reply to Tag: Who says I'm restricted to men my own age? I've decided to become a cougar! Bring on the younger guys! ;-) Reply to Daisy: I talked to this guy online for 3 months before meeting him and waited until the 5th date before gettin' nekkid ( a record for me, admittedly). I don't think that qualifies as "mattress bouncing", hun. Reply to Silken: I didn't actually state them as commandments to him. It was the easiest way to describe them in my post. I do realize now that issuing those requests was silly. In my naivete, I thought that if I was honest & straightforward in what I wanted, I might get it. Again....silly Pam. Reply to Sparkling Rose: Again...silly Pam. Maybe deep down I hoped that he was the "one" and there wouldn't be an issue with his adhering to anything. Hope springs eternal. I'm hoping Mr. Right is out there some where. I'm tired of being alone. (Yes, I know I can be happy on my own. The grass is always greener, eh?)

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

My story Posted: 1/27/2009 8:06:28 PM
trust me...I did think long & hard about it. A couple of my male friends even volunteered to hold him down for me.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

My story Posted: 1/27/2009 5:32:13 PM
Thanks guys! Actually it had always been my rule not to date divorced guys...too much drama in my opinion. But something about this guy just clicked for me and I did keep him waiting online for 3 months before I decided to meet him in person. I was extremely careful not to let things go too fast too soon and always checked him when he got too intense. Finally after a year, I decided he was being straight with me and I could relax. Four months later, it was over. (heavy sigh) I know things will get better. They already are. But I can't just jump back into the dating pool. I have too much angst right now and I would not be my usual bubbly, sweet self. I would probably be either a huge beyotch or too withdrawn. So I'll wait ... and continue sticking pins in my voodoo doll. (heheheh-just kidding)

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

My story Posted: 1/25/2009 5:29:17 PM
I have not had a lot of "relationships". I've had a lot of "friends with benefits". Finally, a couple of years ago, I met a guy online and agreed to meet him in person after several months of IM flirting. Long story short, we clicked. He was very romantic...flowers, called me every day, held hands in public, cuddled on the couch, etc. Was he perfect? No. He was recently divorced, had 2 kids and his sex drive was much slower than mine. However, I felt the good outweighed the bad and decided to see how things went. In the meantime, he was making plans for our future, foretelling us getting married, going on cruises/vacations. He encouraged me to feel free decorating his new home, "since I would be moving in soon anyway". (Direct quote from him btw.) I was cautious about trusting any of this and kept warning him to be sure that this relationship was what he wanted. I was more than ready for a longterm, serious relationship by now. (I'm in my 40's...way past time to grow up.) But I would rather he just be a FWB, than wind up getting hurt. I purposely declined dating divorced guys in the past, because the baggage just seemed too much hassle. But the dating pool is getting seriously depleted for me, so I figured I would give it a try. In the past, being the "rebound girl" always ended in disaster for me. The guy would either decide to go back to his ex or he would decide he needed to play the field. Anyway, I always reiterated the fact that he needed to be sure I was what he wanted. I gave him 4 commandments. 1. Don't lie. 2. Don't cheat. 3. Don't hurt me. 4. Don't piss me off. I also told him that if he screwed up, that would be it. I won't give second chances. He said he admired my resolve and agreed to the commandments. We dated for sixteen months. Slowly but surely, I came to believe what he was telling me and started thinking longterm and hopefully, happily ever after was possible. Silly me! I live in PA. My parents live in TN. Every 3 months, I go visit them. I would always call Dan when I arrived at my parents and then we would call each other daily until I got back to PA. When I went down this past summer ('08), I called him a few times and left messages. (He never answered his phone.) His excuse was that he left his cell phone at a friend's house for a few days. When I reminded him that I was gone for over a week, he had no answer. So queasy feeling #1. A week later, he went to SD with his father and he promised to keep in touch. I got one phone call the first day and then nothing. Queasy feeling #2. Then I noticed that his profile on the website where we met had changed from "in a relationship" to "single". Uh oh! Queasy feeling #3. I decided to play it cool and see what happened. Well, I soon got my answer. He came back from his vacation. We went out on a date. I stayed over that night. All seemed well. I decided to have a chat with him that weekend about where we wanted this relationship to go. I knew I was in love with him, but had qualms about the last 6 weeks because of his off & on lack of interest. Maybe he was stressed out and there was a good reason for his lackluster responses. (Yeah, I know...silly Pam.) Well, he beat me to the punch. Called me on the phone and left a message when he knew I would be at work. He no longer had romantic feelings for me and decided he shouldn't make the effort any longer. I can't say I was surprised, but I was still devastated. I did love him and was willing to work things out, but he wanted it over...right then. No discussion, no explanations. In a 5 minute phone call, he managed to break 3 of the 4 commandments (#1, 3 & 4)and I wonder if #2 was broken before or after the phone call. I have a feeling my replacement was waiting in the wings for my exit, stage left. Six months later and even though I feel better about the situation, my self-esteem is not the best. I am hesitant to date anyone else. I still dream about him. I still cry. And I am still angry. Reading some of the topics from other people on this forum makes me realize I am not alone in my misery. I know this thread is looongg, but venting does help.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

He's Just Not Into You movie Posted: 1/20/2009 4:48:34 PM
Wow, I didn't think mentioning this book & movie would ignite such a firestorm of debate. May I just comment that the book was written by a guy, Greg Berhendt, who is a former writer for the tv show "Sex in the City"? I doubt that it is meant to be a deep philosophical tome. The author has even said as much in interviews that this is meant to be funny, not serious. It is a humorous book, giving women insights into the fragile male psyche ;-) and why they do the stupid things they do. I had a few "aha" moments while reading it and it made me feel a little better about my recent breakup. Anyone else reading more into it needs a valium or to get laid...maybe both. Relax, ya'll!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Another EMAIL break up!!! ... Posted: 1/19/2009 6:37:32 PM
My ex called and left a message while I was at work. Talk about cold!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

After a relationship ends, can you be friends??? Posted: 1/19/2009 6:31:09 PM
I agree with raceme. She broke up with you. If she really wanted to stay in your life, she would have been willing to make the relationship work. Rarely have I noticed that ex's can convert to "just friends" status. One of you will always want more than just friendship. There's also the "hurt feelings" factor. My ex also wanted to "just be friends", but I was too angry and hurt and felt that if he didn't think I wasn't good enough to be his girlfriend, he wasn't worthy of my friendship. It's called a breakup for a reason...because it's broken. My advice is for you to wish her well and go on with your life.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

just friends Posted: 1/17/2009 4:40:27 PM
I felt the same way about my recent ex. I thought he was my "Lobster". (Anyone who watches "Friends" will understand that reference.) I thought he was the "one" and my search was over...finally. Unfortunately, he never got that memo and broke up with me after 16 months. Obviously he was not the one for me and now the search continues.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

"He's Just Not Into You" movie Posted: 1/15/2009 5:30:51 PM
So how many people are waiting to see this movie? How many read the book? How many who are/did are women? Men? I expect to either laugh my head off or leave the theater sobbing. I recently re-read the book after my boyfriend of 16 months recently dumped me for no apparent reason. I guess I needed a refresher course on men and their idiosyncrasies. I keep forgetting that men are from a different planet than women. ;-)

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

I'm an idiot. Posted: 1/15/2009 5:19:37 PM
Hi, sweetie! As everyone so far has said, you are not an idiot. I was in your boat once upon a time. I didn't lose my virginity until I was 24. I didn't wait due to religious ideals or anything, just was romantic and wanted to be a virgin on my wedding night. Well, 20 years later and I'm still not married. Good thing I didn't wait! It's been my observation that women are hard-wired to fall in love with the men they are having sex with...maybe it goes back to cavemen days. You're not an idiot. You are lonely. We all want the happily ever after with Prince Charming. I think many women hope "this is the man for me" when they meet a new guy. And this is always a possibility, you just need to get out and meet more guys. Unfortunately, you can't order a boyfriend through Ebay or Amazon...if you could, I'd be first in line, believe me! Good luck! Keep trying. Believe me, life goes on even though you may be sad & depressed right now. Get your friends to take you out, treat yourself to some shopping or a day at a spa...anything to get your mind off of this guy! He's not worthy of you.

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Do you feel it's harder to find men/women you consider cool now? Posted: 1/9/2009 8:38:04 PM
My problem has become that guys my age remind me of my dad and younger guys (20's & 30's) prefer the younger hot chicks. So my dilemma is: date someone who seems fogey-ish to me or pine for the young hard bodies? Getting older sucks...and not the good way!

Pam 1028

Joined: 1/4/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

How do you change who you are in order to find love? Posted: 1/7/2009 3:12:32 PM
I hear you, girlfriend! It's all well and good for our (usually married & happy) friends & family to tell us that we can be happy without a man or that the perfect man will appear when we least expect it, but darn it, I'm tired of being alone. He needs to show up soon...he probably refuses to stop and ask for directions! Maybe I need to get myself out of my rut and go out and find him. I'm in my 40's and have only had one long-term relationship that ended 5 months ago. Before this, I only dated casually...maybe I was afraid of getting hurt or maybe I was looking for the "perfect man". Either way, I now know there is no perfect man...only perfect for me. And now that I've been hurt (the demise of my one relationship was not my idea-sigh!), I know I can survive anything. I can hope that My Man is coming into my life soon, but I realize I need to take responsibility for my own happiness and go out and search for Mr. Right. That means I need to flirt, I need to smile and, by Gawd, I need to wear makeup and nice clothes (instead of sweats) when I'm out in public....even to the grocery store. That's one of my New Year's Resolutions. Anyway, that's me. I don't know if any of this helps, but at least you know you're not alone. Good luck!

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