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Author
Thread: When a woman is squirting...exactly what is squirting out and from where?
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
428 (
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)
When a woman is squirting...exactly what is squirting out and from where?
Posted:
11/20/2009 2:31:24 PM
Giving oral to my ex gf (her on top)when she came i can say its definately urine.Tasted awful.But it'll never put me off oral,and women who come like that is definately a turn on.
Then that was a fake orgasm!
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
263 (
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womens labia (vagina lips)
Posted:
11/19/2009 7:13:37 PM
I personally love little to no labia minora showing but I am realistic and I know that many times with age and childbirth this is not likely without the surgery
Ummmmm, I don't think so!! I think there is no change in size shape density from shortly after puberty and what would child birth have to do with it? Does a baby hang onto them on the way out into the world?!?!?
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
29 (
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are women ok with a man who does not orgasm, yet still enjoys every moment?
Posted:
11/19/2009 6:58:58 PM
Since there are all kinds of ways to know that a partner is enjoying every moment, and since I am not interested in becoming pregnant, orgasm is not required.
In fact, orgasm schmorgasm. Too much emphasis on some notion that the orgasm is your proof of excellent performance. I am surprised to learn here that men fake orgasms . . . now what would drive you to do that!? Oh yeah, too much emphasis on some notion that an orgasm is proof of excellent performance.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
64 (
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Silent Sex
Posted:
11/17/2009 6:06:53 PM
Agreed Wasabigal! Actually, I'd call that porn patter.
But to the OP: body language is great, but words and other assorted sounds are clear, even if not loud.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
69 (
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Childless men
Posted:
11/14/2009 4:53:01 PM
I agree with those who've rejected the whole "mid life crisis" as a myth. Take it as an opportunity to get clear about what you want to do with the other half of your life. You need to have lived some in order to get this clarity! You're 46? And you now realize how much you would like to raise a child. As many others here -- at least those who are not drowning in negativity -- have said, there are lots of options available to you: become a Big Brother, become a mentor in a school, stay open to the possibility of dating a woman with child/children and perhaps become part of her family. You're only 46!!
I think that one of the first requirements for good parenthood is a clear and strong desire to be a parent. That and a positive attitude . . .
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
155 (
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The girl I was seeing, wont talk to me after the party at her house, any advice?
Posted:
10/10/2009 7:17:46 AM
To all of you that keep bashing, maybe you don't know what it's like to live in this day and age as a kid. You didn't have cell phones, you were just thrown money and cars.
Eh? Where did they throw the $$$ and cars???? Cause apparently I forgot to go get 'em.
Evil cell phones!
But so nice to see that you are taking responsibility for your drinking.
Seriously though: Sure when I was your age, I had some drunken episodes and did embarrassing things. It took me about 20 years to finally admit I could not handle alcohol at all. Lots of wasted time in between. Just saying: you have the opportunity as a young man to decide how you will use your time. Be smart.
It does seem to me that there is a difference between now and then. I do not remember anyone in my youth getting toxic or poisoned with alcohol. As my daughter went through her teen years, and she is now 22 and grew up in Alberta, there were several friends, friends of friends, who'd had to be hospitalized because their blood alcohol levels were toxic. And a boyfriend who got drunk while celebrating his 19th birthday with friends, took a walk across a street in front of a half-ton truck. He survived -- miraculously according to the staff in emergency and intensive care -- but had to have one leg amputated and after he awoke from the coma, had to relearn everything; how to talk, how to read, everything.
I don't know what is causing this, bad parenting, cellphones, a more desperate drive to create an identity, but it has sometimes seemed to me that for some people, and not just teenagers or 20 somethings, to pass out, to have alcohol poisoning or get toxic .. . is almost a badge of honor. Scary.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
98 (
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WOULD YOU DATE AN ALIEN?
Posted:
10/3/2009 7:26:17 AM
Twisted Sister said
RE the list of Best and Worst lovers list, a Canadian study done a few years back determined that Newfoundlanders indulged in sex more often than people in any other Province. Of course, we Newfies have been known to tell whopping big yarns now and then.
Though an "alien" here, my on the ground, hands on research confirms that Newfoundlanders do tell great stories and are extremely busy developing alternate sources of heat. Surrounded by the ocean, obsessed with watching icebergs, we are easily inspired.
And, generally, willing to date aliens.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
34 (
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I can act like a man - You make me feel like a man
Posted:
10/3/2009 7:00:34 AM
Great thread. For me, when I am in a relationship or even just dating and getting to know a man, I pay more attention to what I am wearing, how I look; literally let my hair down - and all of this outer stuff comes from feeling more fully that I am a woman.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
35 (
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I have an SO, so why am I back here?
Posted:
9/14/2009 5:34:30 PM
I think you are having temptations, doubts, and struggles because you are a human being. You don't do the perfect thing with perfect timing all the time, just like all of your fellow humans. You and your SO have worked to maintain your relationship and take advantage of career opportunities, and this effort is realistic. I mean you are not just a couple of lovey dovey huggy bears are you?! You have interests beyond your relationship with each other. How audacious!
You are 28? So far so good. Your relationship is four years old and you are not willing to drop it at the first signs of trouble. Good for you. It has been a while since I have been in a relationship, but from what I hear they take exactly the kind of work you and your partner have been doing.
Good luck!
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
224 (
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is falsifying one's profile age no longer taboo?
Posted:
9/7/2009 1:29:22 PM
Agreed TrueTemp.
If I'm looking at a man's profile and he says he is only interested in women younger than me, I move on, suspecting that his values and mine are too different. I would not decide for him that he does not know what he wants by luring him in with a lie about my age, all to try and teach him that he is wrong to only be looking at younger women.
I had a couple of dates with a man when I found out he'd chopped 6 years off his age. He'd advertised as 55 but really was 61. He felt this was not really a lie and had an impressively long list of reasons for believing it was fine but the main one was his belief that women in their mid to late 40s would not respond to a 61 year old man.
I tried to explain that he had no right, in my opinion, to make that decision for me. I saw it as a controlling, manipulative, paternalistic move. Not the crime of the century obviously, but a really, really bad way to try to begin a new relationship.
Falsifying one's profile age is still taboo in my books.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
50 (
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taking off the cape
Posted:
9/6/2009 4:14:47 PM
I take off the cape when I play team sports - they are purely recreational level and it is essential that no one is taking game so seriously that they criticize others' play but all put in a decent effort. Opportunities for such play are precious. Soccer Tuesday at noon though.
Golf works for this too. Working out at the gym, not!
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
576 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
8/2/2009 7:56:29 AM
Coach, you do a great job explaining the joys of the ride and also its great popularity among the male 45+ crowd.
I have met and known several bikers, but so far, you have made the best case for it. Great post!
I agree with you about the biker stereotype, even as we all watch Halfevl work hard to revive it. At least he acknowledges that his bikers are a tiny minority.
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
566 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
7/29/2009 6:20:03 PM
The history here is fascinating - truly - and I am glad to know it includes an increase in car drivers' courtesy! Next chapter will be real helmets and safety courses, one hopes!
But I wonder if we have an answer to the OP's question, or at least part of it. Baby boomers have come of age to the point where they can afford the bike, the gear, perhaps the time off work and maybe the freedom from tending to a new marriage and young children. So they've gone and bought themselves a ride.
This I'm basing on something Kawi-rider said:
"With the recovery of Harley-Davidson in the early to mid '90s and the most recent motorcycle sales boom that started around ten years ago (even though sales have taken a hit over the past year), motorcycles began to appear on the bureaucrats radar again."
My guess here is that it was baby boomers buying bikes over the last ten years or so because they'd reached that bike buying place in their lives. And so we now see a good number of them here and on the roads.
Woa!
principles of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
563 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
7/29/2009 1:48:44 PM
kawi-rider: You mean there is corporate intrigue and deception, even laxity in law enforcement in the biking world?! Seriously, though, you provide interesting details. I mean, the stereotypes about bikers are all about the overt lawbreaking, the rebel image, etc..
These games you are describing are just so normal, so common. What have we done!?!
On marriage and biking: A few years ago, we gave a leather jacket to a colleague (a professor of religious studies no less) as a retirement gift because he had mentioned wanting to get a bike after retirement. He hadn't mentioned this to his wife, who was not amused.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
554 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
7/27/2009 7:47:14 PM
Thank you Straight Talker. Happy to be informed!
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
543 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
7/27/2009 12:50:12 PM
Whether in leather or denim
Looking cool or hot
Be safe okay!!
this public service announcement was brought to you by . . .
I do have a serious question: are bikes not greener than cars? Even a small car uses more gas, surely, or?
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
156 (
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Occasional Crying with an Orgasm...
Posted:
7/25/2009 4:30:02 PM
Yes, I have cried, sometimes not just tears, but a sob or two. Other women on this thread have spoken of it as a catharsis and for me it is something like that too. There is a dropping of boundaries in great lovemaking that is simply very intense and moving. It was never about sadness or happiness for that matter. To say it was about connection sounds too mushy but that is close. But this is why it is important to me to simply be held for a few minutes. Just hang on. Sure, take it as a big thank you.
In one long term relationship, my partner admitted he was freaked out at first, but once I explained, he got it, and then cried himself a couple of times.
Another man informed me that if it happened a lot, then that would be a problem. That was a shorter relationship.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
526 (
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Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles?
Posted:
7/25/2009 8:02:36 AM
What about motor scooters?
Size matters?
Boatloads of bikers around here. I have wondered why too.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
68 (
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Quick Question
Posted:
7/22/2009 8:58:10 AM
Why is everyone here bending over backwards to distance themselves from the label homosexual?
While no one is saying anything directly hateful about homosexuality, isn't it homophobic to be so worried about this or that being "gay" or not? Isn't it homophobic to make sure you have one nice strong separate box for (normal) heterosexual sex over here, and then over there (and perhaps some prefer over in the next room), a nice strong box to hold all homosexual sex (which is then also abnormal). Is it so threatening to men to think that maybe they are a little gay? Does it threaten your manhood? Or, for women, if a man likes a little or a lot of anal play with whatever size or shape of a toy, is he less a man? Not a real man?
Ummm. Men and women I know who are homosexual are real men and women.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
79 (
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Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted:
7/22/2009 6:36:14 AM
J!dub!
Long post (#72), yes, but also a good one. Now that I think I've got it, I agree!!!! Nope, don't have to think about it. I agree with the whole thing.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
271 (
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Regarding dutch dinner dates...
Posted:
7/22/2009 6:15:22 AM
Good question Lovelee.
Early in dating a man, I do not yet know him well enough to know that he is just being a gentleman (and he doesn't know me well enough to know why I might accept!). Even so, and again this is early in dating someone, if it is understood between us, that he will graciously accept a dinner from me, then, sure, I can graciously accept a kind, generous, gentlemanly gesture.
Now, an ice cream, after a long walk on a hot day, sure, thank you.
There are lots of other ways, besides accepting gifts, to show one has grace. Lots of ways to be a lady besides accepting a man's offer to pay your dinner.
And yes, I do not trust easily, especially when meeting men via a dating site like this. And yes, I value my independence and I value equality, which to me means equal responsibility as well as equal rights. If it also means we have to redefine what it is to be ladies and gentlemen, fine.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
16 (
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Fish that jump fences
Posted:
7/21/2009 3:49:01 PM
I'd be suprised if many people actually block people looking for "other relationship"
I do or did. Because I noticed several married men looking for an "other relationship." But maybe I am the only one.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
269 (
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Regarding dutch dinner dates...
Posted:
7/21/2009 1:08:55 PM
I think, we are enjoying each other's company so I'll pay mine, he'll pay his. Or, one date is on me, next on him. Unless it's my birthday, or his. 21st century and all. I am extremely uncomfortable if a man insists on paying my dinner, especially early in dating.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
67 (
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Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted:
7/21/2009 9:01:58 AM
Y'kno...I think you guys need to go back and re-read the OP. Nowhere was this was projected to be a job-interview, formal, stilted questionnaire type of interaction.
Well, if we have misunderstood, apologies. Though in defense of all of us who read it this way, the OP does list the questions, and then gives instructions about how to listen to or push for answers, and then offers an interpretation of the length of time the discussion of the three questions might take:
To me, the beauty of these questions is this...if we're done talking about it in 3-5 minutes, I know it's a pass...we didn't talk. And if it lasts more than 20-30 minutes, then I worry either it's way more drama than I'm open to...or worse, they're hiding something behind a lot of rationalizations.
If, on the other hand, what you are trying to get at in this thread is that you feel it is important to know early on whether a person has learned from their relationship history. Sure. Agreed. Absolutely. And to weave your questions into a conversation, to listen for the answers in the way the person talks -- sure, can be good ways to get to know about a person's emotional maturity.
That the conversation might slip into interview mode is, as this thread shows if it shows anything, a real and present danger!!!
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
54 (
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Three questions that tell me a lot...very quickly...
Posted:
7/20/2009 7:31:16 PM
Typical - farceur being brilliant:
Being asked those three questions would tell me what I needed to know.
Guess what? When you just listen, and let people talk, they will tell you exactly who they are, what they need and what they offer. If people aren't talking to you it's because you aren't listening. Listening is a provocative act that compels people to reveal themselves. It's usually in the questions people ask that they tell you the most about themselves.
I agree that coming in with a set list of three questions that you ask to any date announces your own issues, assumptions, values. To show that you value playfulness, as in Abelian's questions, is probably the best you can really do with a fixed set of questions (particularly given the crucial importance of skillful kissing - thread on the kiss out there somewhere).
Go with the flow of the conversation and if there is no flow, just go . . .
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
24 (
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My Bad second date experience.
Posted:
7/20/2009 5:40:40 PM
Such a shame. It sounds like you were a perfect gentleman, and you did nothing wrong, as you've had confirmed. That she repeated the line "it's too soon," does make it sound like she is still dealing with a former relationship (see Timotu above). And even so, you did nothing wrong.
Keep doing what you're doing. Better luck and a more mature woman next time.
Idoc Steve and Warmhanded . . . thanks for the laughs, both of yous.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
14 (
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the circle
Posted:
7/19/2009 6:21:38 PM
I agree, Parrothead, and I am a bit of a loner myself. I have friends, family, and interests yes, but I really value my independence, the freedom I have living by myself and I do think that this makes it more difficult for me to have a successful ltr than it would be for someone who was more social. My only hope is a man who does have a pretty full life, with his own friends and interests (which could of course include an interest in his freedom and independence).
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
37 (
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excuses or lies?
Posted:
7/19/2009 5:58:54 PM
I agree with Straighttalker and Woobytoodsday. I think OP, you are making all kind of assumptions about this man and his friend's accident. He called you and while he probably should have called earlier, it's not as though you were abandoned. I'd give a person the benefit of the doubt in this kind of situation and I would not expect that I would outrank a friend in need, certainly not after a few conversations with a man.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
35 (
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Is this acceptable?
Posted:
7/19/2009 5:38:42 PM
My gut tells me if he had contacted her daily – the OP would be here complaining that he was too clingy or needy.
He HAD been contacting her daily. She doesn't complain about that at all. Then, suddenly, silence from Monday to Saturday.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
34 (
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Is this acceptable?
Posted:
7/19/2009 5:33:58 PM
Trying again. I wrote:
Sigh. No. He texted her on Monday. She answered him the next day, Tuesday. No answer back. She tries again on Saturday, and yes, then he answers late that day.
They are in a very early stage of dating here. Is she supposed to stalk him by sending a text every day or do as she did, in my opinion showing maturity and respect, and wait a few days for him to answer?
And Cinsav wrote:
Sooooo... correct me if I am wrong. She goes five full days without trying to contact and that's "understandable" - he goes five days without intiating contact and she should dump and run because she deserves better?
If she makes an effort she is "stalking" him - if he makes no effert he is "screwing with her head?"
Now I'm really confused.
One of the above posters makes a good point. A guy shows interest and sends a daily "good morning, hope your day goes well" message and he's clingy or needy. He doesn't contact her for a couple of days and he's playing games. So, what's the "magic number" here?
She did try to contact him -- she sent a text on Tuesday. And then another on Saturday. They had been in daily contact to that point, so I gather, she was surprised by the sudden change.
Let's accept his explanation, that he was not using his blackberry for the week . . . what point would there have been in continuing to text him?
Ok, but she didn't know that he wasn't using his phone. How many more times, how often should a woman try to contact a man with whom she has had one date? Every day? Three times a day? You ask a good question: "what is the magic number?" I think that is OP's question too! What should she make of his five day silence following her Tuesday message? What is the magic number of acceptable days between receiving a message and answering it? Depends on all kinds of things right -- like how old your relationship is, how good it is, did you lose your cell phone, etc., etc.
Some on here have suggested that the guy is playing games or whatever. I did not. I asked if this silence from him was really so bad that she'd need to dump him. And I still think it's odd that he would not respond from Tuesday to Saturday given that they had been in touch every day and he was telling her how interested he was etc. I don't see that OP is off base in hesitating to respond! I think she should think about whether her time with him was good enough to make the effort to continue to see this man.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
14 (
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Is this acceptable?
Posted:
7/19/2009 12:50:55 PM
Sigh. No. He texted her on Monday. She answered him the next day, Tuesday. No answer back. She tries again on Saturday, and yes, then he answers late that day.
They are in a very early stage of dating here. Is she supposed to stalk him by sending a text every day or do as she did, in my opinion showing maturity and respect, and wait a few days for him to answer?
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
50 (
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What ALL Men Want...
Posted:
7/19/2009 5:03:42 AM
OP is that all?!?! This list describes an ideal, an emotionally grounded person, comfortable in their own skin, personality, and life who has that perfect balance of independence and openness to connecting with another. Is there anything on this list that women are not hoping to find in a man? Or for that matter, is there anything on this list that any person is not hoping to find in a partner?
And there are plenty of people like this out there! But, as cccc908 says,
Relationships take time, getting to know then and earn trust takes time; unfortunately we all don’t have labels on our side like packaged food from the store telling what we are made of and what percentage were have to offer.
Maybe most of the people who have all these qualities are in relationships already, but then maybe that is part of the value of a good relationship!!
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
9 (
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Is this acceptable?
Posted:
7/19/2009 4:33:01 AM
The five day silence is odd, but is it so unacceptable that you would not see him again? I think I'd answer that based on the quality of the time you have spent with him and also how sincere he seems to be about the reason for his silence. If you were to see him again, or even speak with him, I'd look for an explanation less lame than I wasn't using my blackberry . . .
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
12 (
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I Accidentally Found My Bf/Gf On A Dating Site
Posted:
7/19/2009 4:26:06 AM
Not so hard to accidentally stumble upon something like this if you ever use the same computer . . . if your partner is a little absent minded, forgets to sign out or close a browser.
Granted such accidents would be rarer than snooping.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
11 (
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Does clothing 'Make' the man?
Posted:
7/19/2009 4:13:31 AM
Let her take you shopping, to show you what she has in mind. Then you decide. You are a photographer - maybe it is time to turn your eye on yourself. Not that I see anything in your photos that I think needs changing either, just why not try something new.
I agree that the man makes the clothes and none of us should be ruled by the fashion tzars or expensive labels - but in some contexts, we are trying to make a certain impression. Neat and clean is minimal for dating. A tie for something casual is too formal. Show me a sense of your style - great.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
44 (
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True Love: I love you because...I love you despite of...or
Posted:
7/17/2009 8:09:38 AM
From the debate between Renaissance Man and Wishes Granted
Then I suspect you've never left someone that you are still romantically in love with.. but due to circumstances or the dynamics of the relationship it was best you both leave each other.
I agree with Wishes Granted. Even though a relationship has become impossible and a decision reached to end the romantic relationship, love, including a romantic desire to be with that person, endures. In my experience, this love has a depth of connection that is surprisingly unshakable.
While the feelings and desires are different in obvious ways, the depth of connection in an unconditional love is, I think, the same as the depth of connection I feel for my daughter.
Thanks Wishes Granted!! I needed to be reminded of this!!!
To the OP then, to me, it not "because of" nor is it "despite" anything. I love you means I feel deeply connected to you.
But I also do not think that an unconditional love, or whatever definition one might want to give of true love, I do not think these are invincible. Repeated bashing, prolonged abuse from one to the other, one person's values changing radically, any of these can eventually undermine even the strongest love. Notions of "eternal love" are a romantic fantasy. Some would define true love as only an eternal love and then say silly things when relationships end or love disappears: that the love was never real otherwise it would not have ended.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
62 (
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What do you make of this?
Posted:
7/15/2009 4:03:04 AM
Absolutely, Tarentino should direct the movie!! One of those "scenes from random lives" which are gradually revealed to be connected. Good thing you didn't freak out right away and take off!
There must be a thread on here somewhere about the prissy, unadventurous date who couldn't handle sitting in a bar with character, so she freaked and left her date, a really nice guy, holding the beer as the saloon doors waved goodbye, sunset in the distance. Sniff.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
51 (
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Best and worse pick up lines...
Posted:
7/14/2009 2:56:42 PM
Awww, Oblivion, that is sweet
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
69 (
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Said Hello hun and was accuesed of being forward and blocked !
Posted:
7/14/2009 2:29:25 PM
Context is everything, as Confident Realist shows in his grocery store vs friendly bar example and Browneyesboo too talking about erring on the side of caution with someone or someplace unfamiliar. I totally agree.
But I want to say that to refer to someone you don't know with a term of endearment is a powerplay: if I call you, a complete stranger, hun, or sweetie, I'm attempting to impose myself on you. If you accept by responding in a friendly welcoming way, you are submitting to my will . . . which . . . doesn't sound like such a bad idea . . . I mean, of course no one wants to do that!
It is different again though, if such familiarities are a well established part of the culture. When I first came to live in Newfoundland, I kept looking over my shoulder for people's partners: men and women will say "m' love" to men and women. Grocery store clerks, bank tellers, neighbors, the men who built my house; I was m' love to one and all, male and female. Men also get "my son." And anyone can be "my trout" but I think trout are most often children as in "now, my wee trout." Now, a few years later, I hardly notice when people call me "m'love" unless they do not have a Newfoundland accent, in which case it is just not the same. "That's right m' love." No m' love, you can't get there from here."
Still, first contact on here that is overly familiar is a turnoff. I doubt I'd block someone over one "hun" though.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
43 (
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What do you make of this?
Posted:
7/14/2009 4:51:02 AM
Fa que, I know I'm not the only fan of this post but, to make sure it gets read . . .
<div class="quote">This thread made me SNORT... I wonder if he will want to take you SKIING... The answer is right under your NOSE.... Maybe you should wear more POWDER when you see him next....
Thanks for sharing that snort!
Tracyank, thanks for this dating disaster story. Just shows you that even when you have a past history with someone, you never know the surprises in store on a date . . . sigh. On the bright side, you have a great scene for a movie! Childhood sweethearts, reunited, and find they are, sorely disappointed. The end. An anti-romantic comedy.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
48 (
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Relationships
Posted:
7/13/2009 8:21:46 PM
Sassyn89178
Right. Three words can be empty and actions speak volumes. But OP seems to me to be saying that something is missing for her in this relationship, something she feels she would have if he would say he loves her. The brilliance I saw in Charlie Brown's post was his suggestion that she talk with him to try to figure out how he feels and how he feels about saying or not saying those words. That perhaps through such a conversation she might get what she is looking for, maybe not in exactly the form she is after, but her need to hear or see or feel his love would be met.
My point is she is entitled to get her needs met, regardless of her age. There are a few posts on this thread that have said unkind things based on OP's age. Low, low blows folks.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
104 (
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Why is it tough for men to say I'm sorry.
Posted:
7/13/2009 7:54:51 PM
Whew, Northern Dreamer, that's one helluva roller coaster ride!
She acknowledged a while ago that she needs to think about why she finds the same type of man repeatedly. So she gets it that one can't generalize about all men lacking an ability to apologize. She explained a while ago that she told the one man to get of her car because she sensed that things were about to escalate into a fight. If her "lecture" to him had been so horrible, why did he not simply get out of the car?
O right, because he would have had to walk for ten entire minutes to get home.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
40 (
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Relationships
Posted:
7/13/2009 3:15:02 PM
Nice work, Charlie Brown (msg 6). OP, have another read of CB's message. Sounds like great advice to me!
As for those who have suggested that at 70 years of age, OP should somehow settle and not make such demands -- wow. At 27 or 70 we are all entitled to seek love. Go ask your Mom!
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
47 (
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Why is it tough for men to say I'm sorry.
Posted:
7/12/2009 5:08:36 AM
Ohdriver very nicely captures the good side of the "I'm sorry if when I did XYZ, you felt upset/sad/patronized" kind of apology. It does offer a way to acknowledge another's hurt even when you did not intend any harm and at the same time offers you an alternative to the defensiveness that comes from feeling that you are falsely blamed.
As long as these powers are used for good, not the evil of sidestepping responsibility when we do mess up and hurt someone, then all is ok.
I'm not sure how you "teach" this stuff to another adult . . . model the behavior yourself? Then walk (or drive) away if they are not interested or willing to consider another way of approaching conflict?
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
93 (
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Does chemistry happen immediately?
Posted:
7/11/2009 8:31:19 PM
See, we need chemistry emoticons: test tubes filled with brightly colored liquid, topped with a smiley head, lashes batting away, sidelong glances from one tube to the other, their cheeks blush, maybe even the color of their liquid changes. Chemistry.
You can have that initial attraction, chemistry, spark, whatever you want to call it, at any age. What you do with it might vary. I think of chemistry actually as an immediate sense of compatibility; you get each other and partly because there is a mutual and probably mostly physical attraction. Allowing for nerves and the strangeness of meeting on-line, I look for this kind of chemistry by the end of a first date (not first meeting, but an actual date). If it's not there then, we say good bye.
To me chemistry does not equal "love at first sight," which maybe is closer to what the OP is asking about.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
24 (
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Why is it tough for men to say I'm sorry.
Posted:
7/11/2009 7:39:33 PM
Over the last decade or two, as we have been learning to take responsibility for our reactions to others and their actions, we saw an opportunity to stop acknowledging that our actions do have effects on others.
So now, instead of saying, "I'm sorry I slapped you across the face" we say, "I'm sorry if you felt pain when I slapped your face." The slap-ee in this case would have said, in the good old days, "hey, you hurt me when you slapped me across the face." Nowadays, since you are not supposed to impute intention to another but take responsibility for your own feelings, you say, "when you slapped me across the face, I felt sad because my cheek was throbbing with pain." (No doubt the next step will be to completely obliterate the agent of the slapping from such a statement: when there was a slap across my face . . . I was sad . . . )
Yes, I have noticed that people neglect to own their behavior and its completely predictable effects on others. To be sure, there are plenty of times when the effects of our actions on others are unpredictable and unintentional and in those times it is right and good to separate action from effect. If you felt threatened by my hypothetical example of a slap across the face, I'm sorry you felt that way. I didn't intend this to be threatening, only as an example of the decline in our ability to offer real apologies. But it would be wrong of me to start telling you that you didn't or shouldn't feel threatened. That would be disrespectful.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
9 (
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Advice Please
Posted:
7/11/2009 4:06:15 PM
Commonsens, I am having difficulty decoding too.
OP, phone her and tell her that you really do want to see her again, apologize for being so slow to make real plans last week, but you'd like to go out with her. I'd say have a plan or two in mind for a possible date. And no more games with the phone. Leave a message. Unblock your number. Give her your number.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
44 (
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Dating a Married Man
Posted:
7/11/2009 3:34:05 PM
Of all the scenarios played out here so far, I like Mr Blblblbl's best. Leave him wondering whether you will or have already told his wife. Keep it short and simple and yes, in public. No scene, but in public so that he doesn't have an opportunity to make a scene: "It's over. Perhaps he should confess to his wife, quickly."
The other option you mention, to try to get him to tell you, is not a good idea. It invites him to make excuses, to justify cheating and lying. Unless you are secretly hoping he will be able to fix this so that you can continue seeing him, you don't want to hear his story.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
16 (
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A gentleman confused for being a sexual morsel
Posted:
7/11/2009 6:24:31 AM
I would never expect that a man who is respectful and gentlemanly would lack sexual appeal. Men who are painfully shy, unable to say what their interests are, what they'd like to do on a date, who constantly say "it's up to you," such men I would suspect would have little or no sexual appeal (and I am sure that men who meet women with these qualities would be just as irritated, I mean, uninterested).
I would hope that the respectful gentleman and I would find a middle ground, with neither one always adopting a set role or attitude in bed and out.
princess of magic
Joined:
1/7/2009
Msg:
42 (
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Womens likes in profiles
Posted:
7/11/2009 5:58:41 AM
To address just a few,the things I listed as their interests seperated aren't expensive. But are all rich mans hobbies.
Not any more! Now they are rich women's hobbies.
But you were, I think, also questioning how genuine people are being in their list of interests; or rather, that you have met some women in your area who list "rich" interests that they do not have and use this list as bait to catch themselves a big . . .umm . . catfish.
Ok, that is worth a rant!
Still, to then assume that any woman who lists a few of these "rich man" interests is fishing for a rich man -- well, big leap there and perhaps you do yourself a disservice by rejecting them outright, especially since you have some "rich man" interests yourself. There are plenty of threads here about the many many forms of dishonesty in people's profiles. Anyone who dates off a site like this has to face the possibility of discovering lies, exaggerations, whatever. But unless you extend some trust at the beginning, nothing can begin, or?
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