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evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 91 (view)

Creepy Posted: 11/15/2009 7:07:04 PM
I've heard "shall we go in" several times in my dating life, never thought it was creepy before. People get nervous. When I think of some of the downright dorky things I say on dates, I'm surprised the guy doesn't walk right there.lol Naaah, but yeah, make the first meet pretty easy on both ends, and remember the goal is to have fun and get to know someone. Don't put so much stock into a love connection off of photos and words, the real person is a much better indicator. =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 28 (view)

Deleting past relationships, any regrets? Posted: 11/11/2009 10:19:21 PM
People who get rid of photos of their past have a mental problem, I swear. So, now you want to deny that that every happened in your life? Great, so if I ever want to know what kind of person you were and what your life was all about, there's a whole chunk you just got rid of. If anyone is going to be my b/f, they better keep that stuff! LOL I am like a photo FREAK and it's all part of the writings I do on my past, and some ex's and friends also took pics that I am finding online of family events and treasured photos I can now compile of my mom, aunt and uncle who are all passed away now. I do get the nudie stuff if that exists or racy stuff, but burning any memory of not just them in your life, but you in your life? Weiiiird! I thank god everyday that I have these scrapbooks, tonz of photo albums, online photo albums, writings, recollections and all else because without it, I think I would have needed meds for the depression that came when my life was turned upside down. So, I say yay to not just one box, but SEVERAL! Woohooo! Celebrate your life! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Do you ever think about how much time you have left? Posted: 11/9/2009 5:27:19 PM
It doesn't really bother me. I wasn't born attached to someone and I won't die attached to someone. Me is the person I have to learn to love at the end of the day, and I am ok with that. =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

Are professional pictures better? Posted: 11/4/2009 3:45:06 PM
I just put up a few of my pro shots again so people can see what I am talking about if they want to. Mine were actually taken by my friend who is learning to be a professional photographer so I got lucky. He had me come after work one day, bring my own outfits, do my own makeup (which since I don't know how to do makeup, was not really much at all.lol) do my own hair, so I came up with the pigtails idea and improvised. We laughed through most of the shoot. But I have to say the style of lighting, the work gone into it, the creative we came up with on it together, is a part of what I enjoy about them. I share them on here from time to time not to be misleading but because I think they were indeed done very well. So, it really depends on the experience you have, but it can be fun and rewarding. I think a blend of both though is good so one gets a full idea of who you are in the visual sense. M Oh, and the pro shots aren't my main photo as they were done in 2006 and 7 and aren't recent.

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 148 (view)

41 and 23??? I'm not ready for this! Posted: 10/30/2009 11:51:46 AM
This has been very interesting for me to read. I am now entering that age where I am still getting young guys after me, but the age difference is starting to get bigger and bigger.lol I am weird in that at 36, almost 37 I have never been married, divorced, baggage, kids of any sort, and have lived most of my life as well, a young person might. I am in school now again, and have had jobs where I could pursue my career and ambitions, so I have not been laden down with older women's responsibilities much nor know how that feels. In fact, I feel I relate more to young guys than guys my age! That's what makes it so hard, cause guys my age have had divorce, kids, and all this stuff that is so foreign to me, so I find it even harder to resist the young guys! Does that make me weird? LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Contemplating lifetime estrangement from parents? advice Posted: 9/30/2009 10:41:10 AM
I'm going to a counselor on Thursday for very similar circumstances. For me, it is my father and how emotionally abusive and controlling he has been to me this last almost two years. I went into depression after my mom passed away (I did have one good parent), and he has been taking advantage of me ever since. I have finally decided it's my life and I need to mentally remind myself who should be in charge of it - ME! So, counseling is a very good idea, don't be ashamed of that. Also, if you want to talk, feel free to email me, talking to people with similar circumstances I think is therapeutic and helpful. I wish you success and true happiness because you deserve it! =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Lame dudes who think they control their girlfriends... Posted: 9/29/2009 7:09:59 PM
I agree with the OP, it's ridiculous and probably why I am still single.lol I happen to think since I was born alone and will die alone, then I should be able to make my own choices too while I am on this ball! Figure that! LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 75 (view)

Loners vs. lonely Posted: 9/28/2009 5:50:18 PM
Interesting topic and one I have been curious about too. What if you were forced to be a loner though? As is my case, since I was small, my father put harsh strict rules on me (due to his Afghan heritage and being abusive). I was not allowed to even know as a young child what other children looked like, and I was an only child too. My mom later told me she had to be called in to kindergarten because I wouldn't stop hugging all the other kids cause I had never seen children before! LOL This kept up once my mom finally divorced my dad and I was finally free. I was voted shyest in high school, but that was under these strict and abusive laws my father had. Once I was free with my mother, I went into severe extrovert mode, wanting to be out all the time, having lots of friends, being very aggressive with who I am and wanting to do things that would help express myself (writing, performing, events) I went into content management and wrote about festivals, which I gladly went to as many as I could, just to be around as many people as I could, all the time. Now, my mom has passed away, and I made a big mistake, moving to be with my father cause I was severly depressed. I am working on getting social services to help me get away from him as he has severe agoraphobia and is still abusive and it is affecting my life, but I also fear that in relationships, since I can't sit still and really want to always be doing something, I may not fit with anyone out there who had a normal upbringing? What do you think? I will admit I can do many things on my own, and love to do things, it's not so much I need people around me, I just need to SEE people. I need to know they exist. I guess I am just one weird egg. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

He/She Still Loves Them & has Pics - Can You Handle It? Posted: 9/22/2009 7:41:05 PM
So, is it then weird that I chronicle all my past loves/friends/family/everything on facebook, in albums, framed pics, writeups in memory books, memory projects, keeping momentos in scrapbooks, everything? Keep in mind that I am single, very lonely, and look back on my past to a time when I was happier. I just don't see why take a pic if you can't look at it, and enjoy it? I know if a guy I was dating had pics and memories written down like me, I think that would be cool. He treasures his memories and the people he has met on his journey. Maybe if it was fixated on one person, I would feel a bit insecure, but not a life chronicled. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 116 (view)

indian women Posted: 9/9/2009 9:53:41 PM
I see a bit of this now that I am living around my father's side of the family, which are Afghan. I just had a conversation with one female cousin of mine who is 20 years old and tells me she must, as a girl, marry another Muslim, and he has to be Afghan, or it brings shame to the family or something like that. My mom was American and my dad married her and it didn't work well for them, as the cultural differences between how Americans are individualists and Muslim culture tends to be more collective just doesn't jel well. I sided with my mom on all counts as I was born and raised here. I also turned agnostic because I didn't want religion telling me what kind of person I am. If I become spiritual someday, that's my personal journey to make. I can tell I have very Americanized views because I don't want to do things that will affect me every day for the sake of some "family" or family members. I feel that is selfish on their part, but then again, that is the different cultures speaking. I would think it is selfish cause I lived with my mom (after they divorced) for 20 years and learned if you want to succeed, you go out there (on your own) and you work hard for it. The reward is the success, and if you are lucky, you may find love as well with it. But don't expect that. Very diferent view to a Muslim way of thinking which would say your success is the family's success and they will ensure you have a mate for life. That's why I feel it's very unfair at times for other cultures to keep instilling their culture on someone who is raised here with this culture. But again, that's just my personal opinion. I also have found I tend to always shoot for or want to date anyone except a Muslim type man. Not purposefully trying to do so, but someone pointed out once, "all your boyfriends have been blond, what is up with that?" LOL Well, they all haven't been, but I definitely considered that maybe seeing a muslim man psychologically makes me think of my traumatic past with my father and how I don't want to be anywhere near that way of thinking or constrictivenesss. I am curious if anyone else on here is from Arab-American parents like that and had these same culture challenges? It would be interesting to hear! And please note, above I was being totally honest, and mean no disrespect. In fact, I hope this helps enlighten me and help me change for the future. It's always good to confront your problems sometimes. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Massive Problems with Netzero Posted: 8/30/2009 11:12:48 PM
Thank you so much everyone for this good advice. I think we will go with highspeed at AT&T as we already have it for the phone and my dad with his agoraphobia or whatever just doesn't want anyone in his house, but if they can send you something you install yourself, that would be great! Also, my dad never wanted high speed cause he says it's 100 dollars a month and unless I pay for it, it's too much for him, but I didn't think it was that expensive. Well, I will let you all know once I am finally on the real internet superhighway! LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Massive Problems with Netzero Posted: 8/29/2009 6:50:56 PM
So, this has been happening all week and trying to figure out a solution that works every time does not seem to be working. I am finally maybe convincing my dad to go with high-speed cause I think I have given enough years (kinda like jail) to dialup, and I am already paying the same as I would with cable, so anyway.... For some reason, Netzero keeps freezing on me when I am online. Once it does that, it takes a good up to 10 hard restarts (shutting it off manually and bringing it back up) to get the computer to function. I get then times where it won't connect when I come back on or a message that says "x1exec.exe corrupt file, C:/ProgramData/Netzero/accelerator/turbocash/biglongcode" and after that it says it's corrupt and unreadable. Use chkdsk utility. I run that, and once it gets to that point, if I even want to connect, I got to run the utility, end all processes of netzero and reinstall netzero, and I get moments like this where I might be on for a while. I am not calling them at 2.00 a minute to ask for help, but wondered if anyone had this problem. I am working on websites and need a stable connection, and this frankly blows! LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 39 (view)

Can You Feel The Loneliness? Posted: 8/24/2009 4:44:15 PM
I think it's a matter of perspective. Back when I used to date a lot more, I did feel as though in a race against time to get someone to love me and stay with me, and felt like a total loser when xmas came around and no man in my life, but now having not dated in forever and pursuing other activities as I deal with the loss of my family (mom, aunt and uncle all passed away), I focus more on me and what I want. And it's incredibly freeing! I even look at old conversations I had with past ex's and can't believe I was that clingy or in need! Wow! Now I am really in a great place with understanding reality and the "stigma" of being single is really a society-driven thing. I mean am I supposed to be miserable just because I am "single"? Don't get me wrong, I do know loneliness! But I also knew loneliness when I was in relationships because I was in them for the wrong reasons. So I don't know if I am just growing up, or what it is, but yeah, I will say that while loneliness is tough, it's tougher to play the game and be in constant frustration when you feel you haven't "won" someone yet. And this is not a stab at anyone, but just me realizing things about myself.lol I've been doing a lot of writing about things in my past in journals and it's been wonderful therapy for me. I advise it to anyone! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 24 (view)

The dreaded c0ckblock friend Posted: 8/21/2009 6:52:13 PM
I've had that happen to me. Only it's like guys I know and I don't drink, and I just want to spend time with them, then she gets mad and says I'm not allowed to, or she doesn't understand a "party girl" like me, just cause I want to talk to a guy I care about more without her around.lol That's very frustrating. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 143 (view)

Why are there so many attractive women on POF? Posted: 8/6/2009 2:19:05 PM
Not to say I am all "all that", but since I do get emails saying someone like me wouldn't give any guy the time of day, I guess I can say a few words about my experience. I am not in good health. I am working on that now though. But because of this, I have put my looking for to "friends" and pretty much keep my profile to what I would consider would be meeting new and interesting people (since I am new to the area) and talking to people online to help me feel less lonely. I think it's fair to say that everyone's personal experience is different. I have also been on this site a very long time, and lived somewhere else for along time, so many on my faves list aren't even in the area I am currently in, but they are friends, and may want to keep in touch with me. I also think serious relationships/marriage (never been married or engaged myself) are actually a big deal. We don't choose our family, but that is the one choice we get to make about someone who may be around us 24/7 from that point on. I don't want to make that choice lightly! LOL Plus, I am happy with myself and working on myself, and that also means I spend a whole lot of time alone, but it's ok. I got to be a better me to be a better me for someone else. It makes me sad to think someone would look at me and immediately think I have to be with someone to validate how I look, how about being happy for me cause I can stand on my own? But that's just me. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 595 (view)

Are women marketable after age 30? Posted: 8/3/2009 3:33:21 PM
So, that's why I am so unpopular! I need to get a better marketing agency working for me then! LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 74 (view)

For a Laugh- What movie would you base your life on as of now? Posted: 7/29/2009 6:46:45 PM
Does it have to be a movie? LOL I would definitely say "Arrested Development" if we could stretch the rules a bit... M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 388 (view)

He brought his Fanny with him... Posted: 7/14/2009 10:59:29 AM
Actually the fanny pack would make me want to date him more! But then, I like people who don't care what other people think. I miss people who are interesting and not doing what "trends" say to do. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 61 (view)

Said Hello hun and was accuesed of being forward and blocked ! Posted: 7/14/2009 10:41:24 AM
Man, I would hate to be a man on this site! LOL It's like going over the minefields and wondering which one is going to blow up when. As for me, I would take more offense to beautiful than hon. Hon to me feels warm and welcoming. Beautiful is more unimaginative, but hey, I'll still take it. Compliment is a compliment and they are both as such to me. Think of this women, would you rather have, "How's it going, jerkface?" LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Why do women Posted: 7/12/2009 10:23:52 PM
I side with the guys on this one. First meeting is a choice by both parties and they should each pay their own way, but if one party wants to treat, that is above and beyond. Next time, the other party should get it, by the third time, we can start making someone feel special, no? ;) I mean, after all, we are only strangers for a while. And these are tough times! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 169 (view)

Goodbye Michael Jackson.................. Posted: 7/7/2009 7:03:00 PM
I haven't been able to watch it yet cause it didn't tape and I was in school, but have seen a few segments and it brought me to tears! Especially Paris! I think what some people don't remember to realize is that Michael loved kids and was like a big kid, and his Neverland ranch is like the funnest place for kids and big kids, or people who want to find that spirit of childlike wonder again. How do I know? I was there. I went on the trains, the rides, the movie theater, ice cream for free at every train station, animals laying out in the sun, I saw that all in 2003. Yes, naysayers, not just young boys get to go there, he opened his doors to everyone. And I'm not a fanatic jackson fan, actually. But I was invited to. It irks me to no end how people are so "sure" he's guilty, when if he weren't so eccentric and yet a big star and you heard all the stories of people that work for stars and their schemes to get money, you would totally be defending him. Yet, because he acted "childlike" which is often construed as weird, since most of us get hardened and more bitter as life goes on, he obviusly must be as sinister as our "grown-up" thoughts are. What I saw at Neverland was someone who had a very strong desire to make kids happy, kids that often get overlooked. How many times have you made a kid in a wheelchair smile? Gone to visit kids in a hospital? Hmmm...not so many hands up, me thinks. The thing is, if you had even an inkling of what Neverland is like, you would want to do a sleepover with michael too, who would even sleep anyway? You need to see this place. I can't imagine those kids did anything but watch movies with Michael and eat things they normally don't get to.lol I did, having ice cream there even though I am diabetic, you can't help yourself. As I said in another thread, I was in his theater just watching some of his old concerts they had put on, when I randomly turned around and saw in the back by the projection area, a place with hospital beds, so NO ONE could miss out on a movie showing there, that's the sign of caring beyond just throwing some money at an organization. And this is all coming from a huge Madonna fan, so I am not a blind sheep, but someone who observed and now wants people to know you are disgracing a good man. Or at the very least think before you speak and like another person we lost, Farrah Fawcett, said, "how are you? what are you doing with your life?" So yes, OP, well said, he inspired some of us through his music and his deeds. It is not required that you all be inspired, but just think before you speak ill on a forum to share the memories. M Oh Raider, I'm a big Daryl Hall fan too! High five! LOL

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 205 (view)

breaking news!!....michael jackson haas died! Posted: 6/29/2009 6:52:11 PM
Well, for me, this is the first time I've been on pof in days cause I have been truly saddened by Michael's passing. I loved his music, had a crush on him in the early days (yep, the poster magazine thingies, and I even had a hologram sticker of him! woohoo! LOL) I remember my mouth hanging open when I watched Motown 25 and he did the moonwalk, watched his videos religiously every day so I could get the moves right in the kitchen or outside - I even adored the song, "Say, Say, Say". The next album I remember me and my mom watching all the MTV specials together and oohing and aahing over his videos - mom had a bit of a crush on him too.lol I remember watching the weekend at Neverland Ranch thing on MTV, and Oprah when she went there, and had no idea that in 2003, I would end up at Neverland Ranch! Yep, to all the haters, 'm not a boy, and I was a guest at Michael's house, so there! LOL They were so nice to us, I went to his special birthday thing the night befoe, all dressed up, got to find my pics of that, and it was such a wonderful night of entertainment for Michael. Then, we got the call the next morning we were going on the bus to Santa Ynez and Neverland! I rode both trains, got ice cream all over myself (they have free ice cream at every stop the train makes), saw some of the animals from the zoo (but missed going to the zoo since we ran out of time), checked out his arcade (and yes, I will confess, I played Madonna on his jukebox, couldn't help it.lol) I rode right in front on the second train which took us to this crazy moving bridge thing you had to take down to get to the amusement park, and they had a full buffet waiting for us, then I went on the carousel (just not good with the thrill ride types) and checked out his theater, which was showing videos of him. Now, I haven't been a full-on fan since the 90's but sitting there with the free popcorn and water bottle, I watched his achievements on the screen, then for some reason, turned around. It was then I saw a window up higher in the theater and hospital beds were there so everyone, any kid, could watch a movie in that theater. It was then that I realized I need to take my assumptions about Michael and put them on the shelf. I don't know what really happened with michael but it was obvious he loved kids and he loved making people happy. At that poing, he was making a lot of people happy and he wasn't even there, but he welcomed us with open arms. Now, before you say I am a wacko jacko fanatic, I actually went with friends that were, as I am actually a huge Madonna fan and more of a casual MJ fan. Just wanted you to hear perspective before you judged me, which is what you probably did till I said this. Michael, thank you for the music and the gift of you all these years. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 25 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 6/6/2009 7:14:26 PM
Thanks! I hadn't realized people were still offering their good advice to me on the boards, so thanks again for that! I am a few days away from heading to Portland to visit with friends and family and to look at some apartments and do some things I have wanted to do for a while, to help me get back on my feet and take responsibility for my own life, or at least get some more perspective. To the person who said I was a spoilt rich girl. First off, I lived with my mother for 34 years and in that time, I worked, I cooked, I cleaned and I paid my share. I have lived the life of someone responsible, and who chooses to live with a parent. In this situation, yes, dad is doing all the cooking, cleaning etc, but that's because he doesn't trust me to do anything for myself. I want to move out mostly cause I am damn tired of not being able to do things for myself as I once did. Also, his family had me go to disability but with my ability to get a doctor now, my intent is to not be on disability for long, and to get a job and work like I did most of my life. I'm not frustrated because I am not grateful, but my dad made me come down here. I didn't beg to live with him. My whole life he has been the one saying I can't do anything for myself and I am someone who wants to work hard for myself and have my life for me. Besides, maybe some people don't realize it, but you can have a lot of nice "things" but if your soul and spirit are being stifled, then nothing can make you feel good inside. But again, I am making steps to get my independence back. And thank you all for your good ideas! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

If a man treats you as if you don't exist... Posted: 5/31/2009 3:09:22 PM
I pined after a guy for 5 years who was the logical type and no matter how much I loved him, he didn't really give me those emotions back. At some point, you have to realize it's your life that you are living, and if you don't feel what the other person is doing is right, it's a sign you need something more and you should celebrate that! This means that the man you are seeking is still out there, waiting for you with open arms. He's your type, and fits you perfectly. He isn't putting you on the shelf, because he knows what a rare treasure you are. So, go find that man and put this guy on the shelf! ;) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 110 (view)

How do you make yourself be attracted to the unattractive? Posted: 5/28/2009 6:05:22 PM
I think everyone has had good advice here. I was going to add to make sure you do some of the writing and putting yourself out there. Don't go in assuming they won't be cool. People can surprise you! Also, consider making it more of a friends thing. That way you get to hang out with someone cool without the pressure of it being a date or anything serious. I definitely don't think I am all that. There are days I wake up, look in the mirror, and go "whatever!" LOL But, like the OP, I do get hit with tonz of messages, and so it's kinda like the phone, just cause it rings, doesn't mean I have to answer. I wouldn't say that I was lowering my standards though, if a person took the time to read my profile, write to me, their profile seems awesome and cool. Pics are usually the last thing I pay attention to. People are usually so much cooler face to face. But I go into it with no expectations, no assumptions, other than hey, I am not having this taco by myself and talking to myself today, woohoo! LOL, so OP,get out there, smile more, enjoy life, and something is bound to happen! =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 41 (view)

What frugal things do you do to save money? Posted: 5/27/2009 11:09:48 AM
aleon, I was just about to mention something like that, but that sux they would suspect you for trying to save your own money! I got an one of those 1.00 bottles for water at Target and started the "shower" fund. Every shower I took 1.00 or all the change I had would go in the bottle to pay for my shower. Since I showered every day, I got to 100 dollars pretty quickly and that paid for a lot of xmas things last year. I love to be out and about, so it does get to being costly. Here are some things I do to make it last - Eating out - 1.00 menu items, or look into coupons and specials in the mail, some have e-clubs to join and you get a free meal. I got one coming today that I am going to enjoy. Build your day around your very cheap or free meal. I don't have a car so I walk it or bus it. It seriously is not going to kill you to walk to the place if it's nearby. Movies - Someone mentioned matinees and I do those all the time. You can also try early bird, which is the first showing of the day, you get to see the movie for about 5.00. I just saw "Angels and Demons" at this price. Museums - Many offer free admission on the first whatever day of the month. Look into your area's tourism bureau site and learn more about what options or even specials or coupons might be available. Visit a hotel in your area and go right for the brochures. I did this all the time in Seattle and it served me well. Clothes - I might have to disagree with the second-hand when it comes to clothes. At least in Seattle prices at a Value Village were the same or higher for a shirt I could get at Ross brand new. So, find the stores that you like and watch their sales. For those who say Ross would wear out fast, I am still wearing many shirts I got there 3 years ago. If you knew me, you would know that's ancient clothing! LOL The Sunday paper and some women's magazines - a virtual treasure trove of free, cheap or interesting ideas and ways to save money and have fun! I guess my list was more of how to have fun cheaply! LOL Hope it helped! Oh, and I use a pay as you go phone. No more phone bills for me! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Women with other men in their pics... Posted: 5/25/2009 5:20:04 PM
Well, I got a picture with my mom, and that is important cause it defines my life, as she was the biggest part of it. Other than that, I got enough of me to sink a battleship.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Womens interests Posted: 5/25/2009 5:15:26 PM
I just looked at my interests and realized I didn't have that many written, so I added some more. While I don't really have sports on there, I do like going to watch a game in person, nothing like a hot dog at a baseball game! Thanks OP for the insight! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 211 (view)

Have You Ever Been Mentally or Physically Abused by a Partner Posted: 5/25/2009 11:38:40 AM
I can so relate to all of these posts, but instead of it being a boyfriend, it's my father. Yes, I moved in with him a year ago, and he verbally abused me and physically too as a child, and he is verbally and emotionally doing it again. In all my relationships, not one man was abusive cause I wouldn't take it, but I never got past dating in most relationships, never lived with a man, never been married, and I might be honest in saying I just am too scared to let any man get that close and thus have that kind of power over me. (in my head) So, it's definitely screwed up my life. I am in the process of secretly looking at apartments to get away from my father, who is holding onto me with an iron grip. Saying I am too sick with diabetes to have friends or live on my own. He imposes a harsh curfew of 5 pm on the one day a week I am allowed to go out, and his whole family says I am ungrateful to him even though I am paying more than my share of the rent, etc. I just don't feel like me anymore, or a shadow of my former self, and even being stuck in a hospital bed is better than this. I sometimes dream of getting sick enough to get in a hospital so I can just tell them, "help me, help me, get me out of here." So, yeah, I definitely can sympathize with everything that everyone has been going through here. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 18 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/24/2009 6:22:32 PM
I am putting what I can in place, talking to people here though I don't really know anyone in Sac, but one gal will take me next week to see apartments and early June I am going up to Portland to look with my best friend who lives up there at some apartments she looked at for me late last year, so I am happy to get the chance to start at least asking apartment places if they take disabled people with monthly money coming in and how it works if you have no credit. (I don't have any credit cards, sadly, one bankruptcy long ago when I was with mom and I thought it best never to get them again, still, that makes it hard when needing a credit report) I just got to keep everyone behind me, to remind me what I must do for the times my dad acts all sweet and nice (like now) as if what transpired before never happened. I have to keep my guard up. Thank you and I am saving all the links for further reference! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/23/2009 6:13:34 PM
Thank you everyone! I am back and taking in everything everyone has written. And you are right, Sahara, I should have phrased that better. I haven't gone after grief counseling as it would make my father angry, as he says I should just "get over it." I know there is so much I haven't done for myself so I won't "rock the boat," but now it is just getting too hard to live with myself this way and be proud of who I am, or where I am going. I am going to look at these links and ideas, and if I get threatened for starting to change my life, so be it. 911 is always an option. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 6 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/23/2009 11:07:53 AM
Thank you for all this advice! I am going to head out and get a new for rent book and start calling places. I think I have just been scared of what he might do when I try to take all my boxes and go. He's bigger than me, and I don't have a lot of stamina to beat him off of me. It's sad I have to think of a parent that way, but I am really tired of not thinking of myself anymore. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/23/2009 10:58:13 AM
Thank you Lt.! I never even thought of health and human services, duh.lol I'm so new to this disability stuff (with my nerve damage, but I am working on it, so hope to get off of it at some point) that I don't know all the options open to me! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 2 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/23/2009 10:56:29 AM
ok, whoever did that, I don't know how this is attention-seeking, as I am looking for advice. People in abusive situations shouldn't be closed down. I'm in a situation that is keeping me from having a normal life,so try and have some understanding of that. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

Need advice on a difficult situation! Posted: 5/23/2009 10:47:31 AM
Hi all! Most of you may have seen me on the other forums, but I am coming here because I need good advice and this has nothing to do with relationships/dating/etc. I'll give a little backstory. All my life I have lived with a parent, half due to making my life better and easier moneywise (like a rommate situation) and half cultural as one half of my family is Afghan and they frown on anyone female having independence. I grew up with both parents and it was an abusive home because of my father's angry outbursts (non-alcoholic, just angry for no reason, you could breathe wrong and that would set him off). I lived until the age of 20 years old with this, as my mom finally filed for divorce and her and I were free. We moved into our own apartment and lived happy that way from that point on. I will also add I was an only child and dad's family pretty much had their own cultural thing. Fast-forward to now. On September 13, 2007, I lost my beloved mom to cancer, and for eight months after, I was in a deep shock and depression alone in the apartment we shared. I didn't have any help except monetary when my dad would send me money when I couldn't make rent and I got no grief counseling for dealing with losing the one constant in my life. Dad kept yelling at me to move in with him at his house in Sacramento, California and with my Type 1 diabetes getting worse, and losing jobs both from depression and illness, I decided in my head that I'm going to die anyway, might as well be somewhere with family around me. My aunt also died around this time, and it knocked me into sub-reality even more. The whole year of 2008 is a blur, as I had lived in one place 28 years of my life and now I am in another state under another parent's rule. And I do mean rule. My father set such strict ground rules for me (age 36!) that even a 12 year old has more freedom. I got told just this morning I can never be out of the house past 4 or 5 pm ever again, as yesterday I went out and came home around 6:30 pm after even calling him telling him I was across the street at a Mcdonalds! I don't have a key to the house I live in after a year, I can't decorate any part of it the way I like, and I can't cook my own food or do my own laundry. The kicker is I am on disability right now (which I eventually want to be off of) and my father takes 700 out of the 1000 I get every month, so I am left with only a small amount of money to ever think to do anything with. My dilemna is I want to move out, but at 98 lbs and not knowing a soul here, (his family all stick together and will side with him over me anyday so they won't help me), I just wonder how others have done it, moved out or gotten through such an impossible situation. I wonder if my disability money will be accepted at an apartment complex? (the last time I paid rent at an apartment I was working and it was different) I just want a place where I feel like I have a home, like I am welcome, and like no one is going to yell at me for breathing or being myself. I will also add that my father has severe OCD, and paranoid personality disorder that he won't get treated for. It's made my life a living hell. M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 52 (view)

Why? Posted: 5/21/2009 6:49:56 PM
Well, my father is trying to keep me from having any friends and I have never been more miserable in my life, so it can often be a control issue. There are so many levels it can go, and everyone is talking from their own experience. I side with the whole human interaction thing - sad to say this, but um, men are one half of the population and it's kinda hard to avoid them.lol I have had lots of male friends, and maybe this does intimidate other males, but often they all became friends anyway. I just like having people to enrich my life, I don't really think about the sex implications 24 hours a day, and think it's sad that so much of humanity is wired to think that way. But then, look at me, I'm single! Whee! I should just shut up now.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Looking for Friends vs Dating vs Long Term Posted: 5/21/2009 6:08:32 PM
I appreciate having the "friends" option because I am not suited for dating due to my health, but I still want to meet people as I moved someplace new and don't know anybody and don't want to talk to the walls for the rest of my life.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

why does no photos equal no replies???????? Posted: 5/21/2009 5:53:13 PM
Actually you can get one of those cute little internet-only ones for like 250 now at Best Buy (was just there today drooling at it.lol) It even has Web-cam built-in so you can take a shot with that, and there you are! =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 13 (view)

why does no photos equal no replies???????? Posted: 5/21/2009 5:28:32 PM
Get one of your friends with a dig camera if you don't have one to take a shot of you and they can upload it on their computer for you, or if that is not an option, get a disposable camera, take a few pics, (can always hand the camera to a stranger outside, no harm done if they start running.lol) , develop and get it on disc at target or walgreens pretty cheap, then go to the many computers at Kinko's and voila! You're in business! And now that it's summer, it's great picture-taking time. Find a spot in your hometown with great scenery and start smiling, yay! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 118 (view)

what nationality are the sexiest men and women?? Posted: 5/21/2009 4:35:06 PM
whatever nationlity Mattherw Mcconaughey is! LOL

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 200 (view)

How important is it for your partner to be physically fit or in shape Posted: 5/21/2009 4:24:19 PM
This is why I only have "friends" in my looking for, though that rarely seems to stop anyone. I am not in good health but due to being "skinny", men could care less and still want a shot at me.lol I have nerve damage in my legs and though I get out and walk all the time, I am never gonna climb any mountain. It's not really my lifestyle either, I love a good walk and have walked distances that most people seem to want cars to drive to, but since it's in cities or near man-made stuff, it doesn't count. I have to go find my inner self and talk to a tree or something, and that's just not my lifestyle.lol I'm active, just not in the same way, and until I get my health more on track, I am not going to waste anyone's time. But they still keep trying! Bless their hearts =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 145 (view)

privacy within a relationship Posted: 5/19/2009 9:08:53 PM
put me on the same bus with bigdaddy and valentino, chill and etc. I can't imagine for the life of me why being in a relationship gives you claim on another person's life, and no, I don't have anything to hide. In fact, I dare anyone to have more on the Internet about themselves than I do.lol (if you get to know me, you would know) But the whole idea is we have individual needs and before said person came into your life, you were a person too. I think epic fail doesn't even begin to cover it. And now I know why I am still single.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 8 (view)

Talking On The Phone Posted: 5/18/2009 6:48:03 PM
phone calls aren't a big deal to me. I'd rather meet up and hang out. And since I have a pay as you go phone, I really don't have the money to talk to tonz of people! LOL M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 295 (view)

Best songs for strength and for mourning/pain Posted: 5/17/2009 11:12:00 PM
Found a bit more that I really like for mourning/being sad/and then getting up and dealing with it! Mourning Goodbye is forever - Arcadia The Seventh Stranger - Duran Duran Last Supper - Howard Jones Same Deep Water As You - The Cure Later Tonight - Pet Shop Boys Paper Doll - PM Dawn Don't want to be a fool - Luther Vandross Don't Break My Heart - UB40 Why - Annie Lennox Move On Out - Simply Red One More Chance - Madonna Time Stood Still - Madonna Life's what you Make it - Talk Talk Power of Goodbye - Madonna Chasing Pavements - Adele Strength - The Balance of Love (give and take) - How ard Jones - even has a reference to plenty of fish in the song! Over and Over - Madonna Creep - TLC I'm Free - Jon Secada My Love's leaving me - Steve Winwood One & Only Man - Steve Winwood This is my life - Billy Joel It's My Life - Talk Talk (also redone by NoDoubt) Stepping Stone - Duffy M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 57 (view)

what do men consider overweight? Posted: 5/17/2009 8:35:40 PM
The convenience argument is definitely something I have seen in some of my family too. I don't have a car so I walk everywhere outside to get the exercise I need for my nerve-damaged legs (and cause I love walking!) and most in my family (except for my grandma, bless her heart) wouldn't even go walking with me, even though they all say they need to lose weight. They would rather take their car across the street than just walk it and it's just across the street! LOL I don't honestly get that. I may not be the best of health yet (gaining more weight though, so getting there!) but I truly hate sitting at home every day, I get anxious and need to see the outdoors! M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 14 (view)

Texting DOs & DON'Ts? Posted: 5/17/2009 8:20:29 PM
but what about if you have one of those pay as you go phones and you really can't afford to get on the phone with everyone that wants to talk to you? A text is a lot easier on me and not having to go to the store every week to get more minutes.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

young guys Posted: 5/9/2009 12:04:31 AM
Thank you all! I think I have gotten too serious in the last few years and used to have a lot more fun in life. I will take this advice to heart, and appreciate it! =) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

young guys Posted: 5/8/2009 7:18:46 PM
Ok, first off, I read the forums every day cause I love it in here, so if this is redundant, feel free to blast me. I won't take offense.lol Anyhoo, I have been receiving lots of messages from young guys (19-2oish) lately and since I have friends on my looking for, I don't really have too strict an age limit. I am not well of health and live in a new place with no friends, so I am lonely, but don't want to get anyone's hopes up that I fully ready for a relationship, as I can tell already there would be lots of things guys wouldn't be patient enough to deal with with me right now. So, that said, most of the young guys want to hang out, but as I get older (I'm 36 now, argh, where did the time go? lol) I have to remind myself that these guys might think they could handle being friends if that's where I am at right now, but down the road, well, they won't want to be wasting time with me when they could have something more real with someone else. I just wonder what the young guys themselves say or women who have had similar experiences do when you are trying to make new friends, but don't want to give anyone a false impression or get their hopes up? I know this is a dating site, and I am not averse to the idea, just not sure anyone wants a sick diabetic on their hands until I am more under control.lol (I am gaining weight though, yippee!) And ladies, do you think it is ok for me to be friends with guys that young at this point? I used to seem to find myself always dating about ten years younger when I was 33 and they were 23 and it went ok, but now I don't know.lol M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 19 (view)

What do women look for in pics of men? Posted: 5/7/2009 11:34:18 PM
I don't have a problem with other women in the shot, especially if it's mom! I have a pic of me and my mom and will always have it up, she means the world to me and is my hero, so there! LOL Um, yeah, I would agree on shots you can't make out though, or ones where the car is more prominent than the person. I don't know about the other gals, but I am not interested in dating your car, motorcycle, sunset, or atv. Just let me get to know you. Shots out having fun, with or without friends, are always cool. And they are great convo starters too! I don't mind a body shot if that's what you want to show, as long as that's not every shot. And you got to have one food shot! Food pics are the bomb- especially if you are at a pie-eating contest or something like that. ;) M

evrybdy

Joined: 12/14/2005

Msg: 5 (view)

Word 2007 locked out, product key not working Posted: 5/7/2009 10:35:20 PM
Thank you so much everyone! I just talked to my teacher today and she mentioned the trial thing as well. I just assumed the whole Office suite came with the laptop, since I never had a laptop before. My bad! LOL I will look into the student version or openoffice as I am taking some classes online and they are teaching that for free as well. At least until I can afford the student version. Thanks all! I could try that uninstall as well, but if it's run out, at least I almost made it to the end of my class with it. Will just have to use the labs! M

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