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Thread: How do I tell him this?

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

How do I tell him this? Posted: 11/25/2009 5:12:14 PM
Being honest is best. Wouldn't you want the same from him?

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

would you stay with a girl who still talk to all of her ex's Posted: 10/28/2009 7:00:08 PM
For me it would depend on the level of friendship that exists with the ex. I recently had a first "date" with a middle-aged gentleman who spent a large portion of our dinner discussing, ad nauseum, his on-going relationship with his ex-girlfriend. He talked about living a block apart from each other, having keys to each others' homes, coming and going(literally?) at will, making meals and putting them in each others' fridges. He told a story about coming home from a distance, catching the 18 year old dog-sitter making out on the couch, and how, instead of kicking the kids home, he went to spend the night at this ex-girlfriends' place... He was sneering about how his ex's boyfriend of 6 months was exhibiting signs of jealousy....and that there should be "trust" in a relationships...etc, etc... I let him know I didn't wish to see him again....that I wouldn't knowingly put myself in that new boyfriend's shoes....that I was blown away by the lack of boundaries and the disrespect and insensitivity being shown by his ex towards her new boyfriend.... He bragged about being a "people watcher"....that may be the case...but he sure wasn't a people understander.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 110 (view)

SNORING?? Does it really matter ? Posted: 3/7/2009 7:44:03 PM
Yes it matters to me. The ex-husband was a loud snorer, and I am a light sleeper. He got very obese and ruined his nasal passages with cocaine. I was always having to leave the bedroom and go to the spare room. I finally decided to create two very nice bedrooms, complete with flat screen T.V's and surround sound. We had "date nights" in each other's rooms. Currently, he is using this as an issue in our divorce(I kicked him out of the marital bed).....sigh...yes it mattered.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Does fear hold us back from a true realationship? Posted: 2/22/2009 3:47:58 PM
I agree with Mystery2me. Since I am not the possessor of perfect love, nor have I met any man who possessed it, I have to then be cautious with my heart. Have to make sure I take the time to watch and learn with my eyes wide open. And yes....life is very good.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

What does it take for a man to suck in bed? Posted: 2/21/2009 11:59:43 AM
Thanks for your Penthouse article realgood...but that wasn't the question.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

What would you Do? Posted: 2/21/2009 11:12:55 AM
I like this question. I would be there for my friend as I always am...and as they are for me. The only line I would draw would be if this person became abusive at all...then I'd redirect them, or leave for a "time out". A friend once told me that he was "more than one note on a keyboard"....meaning he wasn't always "up"... My love for my friends isn't conditional on them being happy all the time.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

sick 2 my stomach - need advise Posted: 2/21/2009 11:06:43 AM
I agree with wannashake.....dudes hate this type of thing....tons of women hate this type of thing too. I felt claustrophobic just reading it.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 197 (view)

why do people stay on POF after meeting someone? Posted: 2/21/2009 10:48:17 AM
I met a fella on a dating site(not this one) 5 months ago. Although it is long distance, we recently decided to make it an exclusive relationship. That was the day I brought him over to my computer and showed him my profile...and the forums that I like to visit. He didn't have any problem with it at all. If he looked uncomfortable with it, I would have deleted it. I deleted the other dating site after only 3 weeks. If he demanded that I remove it.....I would not have. It would have to be totally my choice. Both of us have friends of both sexes, gay and straight, of diverse religions etc....it's such a pleasure to meet new people. I am getting to know his friends, and he is getting to know mine. I wish there was an option on the profile to click that one is looking for BOTH men and women as friends. On the odd occasion that an email comes to me here wanting to hook up, I re-direct them back to my profile. The young 22 year old who said he was hoping that I would be the end to his search..I simply blocked. The angry middle-aged man who happened to be from my little town(I put the nearest city on my profile for safety) who figured I was full of crap because I told him I wasn't dating....I simply blocked. I like to read forums, participate where I can, learn new things....try them out on my new fella. This isn't the only site I'm on....I also connect with new folks on Sparkpeople, which is a health and fitness related site. These forums on POF give me insites on relationships and sexuality.....my Sparkpeople site helps with my health and fitness.... It works for me.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

How to tell if he's in to you ... Posted: 2/20/2009 6:29:14 PM
2 hours would be a breeze. I am currently seeing a wonderful fella who lives 13 hours away by car. One of us will move eventually, but in the mean time we make the effort to fly over, bus over, or drive over. He is even willing to come out, pick up my dog pack and myself, and take us all back for a summer visit.... If you really care, you make the effort.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

Breaking up, ending it gracefully Posted: 2/20/2009 3:24:45 PM
Breaking up gracefully is a tough thing to do. The emotionality of it is difficult for both parties. It's not as easy as saying the dumper has it easier than the dumpee. Perhaps, the dumper gets to start the mourning process earlier. My ex "left" the marriage a year into it by getting into crack and rarely being home...I'm just the one that brought the hammer down on it. I also found that being too "nice" about it lets the other party believe there is a chance for reconciliation, when there is none. It's a fine line to walk, that's for sure.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 344 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 2/20/2009 2:30:18 PM
Glad you liked the picture, Mike...it's a fun costume to do. I agree with you on the double standards. I believe that women should be able to stand on their own too. I have never expected a man to be more independent than I am willing to be. I do expect him to be all grown up(at our age)...with the umbilical cord clipped. He isn't being much of a "man" right now...and I certainly wasn't up for being a sugar-momma, yet again. I also agree with not wanting to play the game of making "more and more money"...but making enough to take care of your bills is a good idea. Plus, since he is actively looking to date, he should have enough to take care of his end of the dating(where both people pitch into the cost of it). As I said, I look at these situations on a case by case basis...and being honest in the first place is a necessary thing.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 66 (view)

Drugs, drugs, drugs, which are good, which are bad? Posted: 2/20/2009 2:14:15 PM
Last husband's sojourn into a life of heavy, hard drug use, is what ruined the marriage (was a nasty surprise). Then came 6 months of testing to make sure my health wasn't negatively affected by it. Never again.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 342 (view)

Adults living at home with Mom and Dad Posted: 2/20/2009 11:57:57 AM
I would take it on a case by case basis. But, for heaven's sake, if you are living with the folks, don't lie about it. I met a fella on a dating site and we were joking back and forth IM-ing. He cracked off about me being such a floozy because I had been married 3 times. I shot back with, "what's worse, being married 3 times, or being 42 and still living with Mommy?" He got ticked off and pouted for a few days. Finally decided to speak to me. Told me he took his elderly parents in to HIS home and was looking after them as they are not healthy. Well....I felt like a true jerk. Here was an amazing man...who would give of himself to such a degree. I was amazed.. I apologized profusely....he graciously forgave me my faux pas. Third date with this man and he's babbling on about his life...and in the middle of it, he admits to living in his PARENT's basement, being ticked off at his mom for snooping through his room. He says he had an epiphany a few years back, and didn't feel the need to have a decent paying job....life was too short. That ended my desire to date him for a multitude of reasons. The big one...he lied. That was major for me. How dare he try and make me feel like a jerk in the first place. Even now we IM back and forth about his dates with other gals he meets on dating sites...he thinks it's funny to tell them they can't come over to HIS place because his parents are visiting....he thinks I am joking when I call him a childish a**.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Have you ever lost someone to the drug life style? Posted: 2/9/2009 7:58:25 AM
I lost my very short last marriage this way. We lived together for 4 years first. Got married. A year into it, he got into cocaine. His friends say he used so much he blew through his nose and went on to crack. The next 1 1/2 years consisted of tons of stolen money from my account, his losing jobs for not showing up, disappearing for days on end with lame explanations. Then came the emptying of our business account leaving me with all that's owing on the equipment. Then came the selling of most of our sound gear, for drug money.....and I have to figure out how to explain this to the government when taxes are due next month(it was capital equipment). Of course, I didn't know why these behaviors were occurring. I thought I was going nuts. When confronted, he claimed, through tears, that it was a gambling addiction. His friends kept his little secret. The fighting over missing money, missing jobs, missing husband kept escalating until I kicked him out. I didn't find out about the crack until months into our seperation. A hunt through my garage found his supplies where he would build his crack. It was my property, if the cocaine would have been found by the cops, I would have lost my career. He refused rehab. Refused to join me in marital counselling. I went by myself. We are almost to the point of filing the divorce paperwork. I really do wish him well and I hope, for his and his son's sake, that he deals with his issues before it's to late. I'm cleaning up the mess and going on with my life...and I plan to enjoy every moment of it.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 69 (view)

Guys with kids Posted: 1/22/2009 7:49:38 PM
I agree with spiritualfemale with regards to single dads. My children also had a dad that wanted little to do with them until they became adults. Now it's sort of a "Cat's in the Cradle" situation between them. I think good dads are terrific....I think men who don't want children are just fine. I stay clear of the lousy fathers....and the fellas that want kids of their own (fruits of their looms). With the guys that want to start families of their own, I realize that I am at a different stage of life....and I respect the path that they want to be on.

Joined: 1/18/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

Calling All Divorcees Posted: 1/22/2009 8:23:10 AM
So I'm reading these...and having my stomach flip because I've been divorced twice...and am now ending the third and last. Even co-habitating has no appeal. I often think about whether I gave it my all...tried my hardest...and I have to conclude that I did. I just didn't choose well in the first place, I guess. 1. Married him at 18 because I was pregnant and scared and he was a "good" Christian man. Didn't know that he was also an alcoholic and physically abusive. I ended it when my 5 year old daughter was screaming at her dad to stop hurting her mom...and my Dr. told me to get out because my health was deteriorating....my Father-in-law was my biggest support until the day he died...I filed. 2. Married second husband....we bought a business together that went under...husband became a very angry man....at the end of that marriage he got one of his two girl-friends pregnant....I filed. 3. Married third one 3 years ago....gave him everything he said he wanted. A career in music...freedom to do his own thing...be his own boss...he got into cocain/crack a year into that marriage...only I didn't know it...just saw the effects and unexplained behaviors...My bank account was ripped off, he forged my signature to empty the business account, and he sold all our business sound gear while I was sleeping after a night shift....for crack money...was building it in my garage(I could have been in trouble for owning the property he was doing it on, I could have lost my career)....I set up the counselling, and went myself...he didn't. He refused to go to rehab...went instead to a 24 year old girls'...he wants me back....I am filing in April. I tried every thing I could think of to fix this one...but I couldn't do it alone...and I refuse to be dragged down. When I make up my mind I get sh*t done, whether it's going back to school as a single mom...or getting my butt out of a bad marriage....

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