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Thread: too fast, too soon!

Joined: 12/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

too fast, too soon! Posted: 11/11/2009 6:07:54 PM
I’m not sure what I should do. Last year I was in a relationship with someone who was diagnosed as having BPD. Things ended and I took a year off from dating. Five months ago a childhood friend introduced me to the love of my life. We have been together for 5 months and our differences are beginning to emerge. I am starting to notice similar trait as my last girlfriend who had BPD. (mirroring, seeks power as the victim, seeks control and power etc.) However on the flip side she has some very beautiful qualities. I come home and she tells me she loves me and is an amazing cook. However I have noticed a terrible trait that I am having difficulty coming to terms with. She has a very short memory and all the reasons I fell in love with her she has difficulty recalling or has a different opinion. I have a beautiful water front home that I have worked a lifetime for. She loved at first but now does nothing but bash it with insults. When I see her she is very quiet, see’s what kind of mood I’m in and then adapts to please me. It’s a co-dependence that I found flattering at first but now somewhat concerned. She told me that she was in a very abusive relationship in the past. She has a MA and good job but also has 80,000 of credit card debt. She doesn’t know that I know how much her debt is, I’ve just listened very careful and that’s my estimate. When I have inquired about it she says she won’t tell me until we are married. Now her X is in the picture and he tells her that he still loves her and she lets him walk all over her. I have bought tickets to meet her parents and spend thanksgiving with her parents. I have also bought tickets for us to go to Hawaii this Christmas. I have become attached to her son. One part of me feels like she truly loves me and another part fears that she wants me to marry her so she can use me to pay off her debt and meet her goals of owning a farm some day. This is a Mess and I have signed up for counseling and she is seeing a counselor. I guess this is my lesson for following my heart and jumping into things too soon. What do I do?

Joined: 12/17/2005

Msg: 858 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 11/29/2008 10:34:07 PM
Thanks for clarifying some of these things..........this has been a learning process for me as well.........................

Joined: 12/17/2005

Msg: 849 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 11/22/2008 10:27:23 AM
I had dated someone with bdp off and on for a year. When she was in to me her eyes sparkled and she would brighten up the entire room. It was as if she turned into this beautiful elegant swan that intoxicated me with my every desire. I truely felt as if I had found my seoul mate. (mirroring) Then she would split and get very depressive and would display high amounts of social anxiety. I wanted to help her but it appeared as if my love just made things worse. It wasn’t till some red flags came up that indicated to me that she may have been seeing other people that forced me to set some stronger boundaries and she just disappeared without any closure or explanation. (it was a push pull kind of thing) To this day I still crave the elixir of the illusion of love she portrayed when things were good. I just have to realize that she is mentally ill and my love wont save her. Her love was not love, it was a cycle of the bdp game that all that have posted are so familiar with. Everyone tells me to get out and stay out which I have done……..I’m sure you know these things take time to heal………….So many of us have experienced similar things and we are all healing with you.

Joined: 12/17/2005

Msg: 1 (view)

How do you let go when you don't understand what happend? Posted: 11/12/2008 4:01:13 PM
I met someone here a year ago. It was nice, we were together for 6 months and she worked close by me. She had a two year old son who became much attached. One day she brought him over to my house because he was sick and I work in the medical field. We found out that he may have a terminal illness and our relationship crumbled. We reunited after 6 months apart and life was wonderful. Her son is in perfect health. We experience the frequent phone calls, waking up in each others arms and her son became much attached. She wanted to introduce me to her father. Last weekend when her father came to town she called off our plans and went to the bar and stayed out all night. This is coming from someone who has lots of social anxiety and doesn’t drink. After a week of no communication I emailed her and asked her if she was OK. She emailed back and said it just wasn’t meant to be. What I don’t understand is how did she go from being so incredibly happy around me to never wanting to see me again in a matter of hours? I provided her with lots of love, affection and a beautiful water front home. She would have never had to work again.. So my question is, how someone can turn their feelings off over night, go from a withdrawn quiet individual to a social butterfly. How do I let go when I don't understand what happend and she won't tell me?

Joined: 12/17/2005

Msg: 131 (view)

when girls say they need space Posted: 4/11/2006 1:09:10 PM
It’s good to hear other’s perspectives but no one knows the situation better than your self. It’s possible she may want to break-up but it’s also very possible she may just want some space. Hearts are for sharing and sometimes if you give too much away to fast there is no longer any room left to grow. Be honest with her and be honest with yourself. Respect her needs for space and during that time, find something you enjoy doing and do allot of it. Respect each other’s needs and ask yourself if this is something you are willing to deal with. If it is, learn and grow together. If not, find someone more compatible.

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