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Thread: What is a guys idea of a long time??

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 7 (view)

What is a guys idea of a long time?? Posted: 6/13/2006 6:46:52 PM
MOve on, Let go, when I love a woman, I can't stand being away from her, My thoughts are always with her. If a woman gave me that worn out excuse, I would just reply with, sorry but for me that was goodbye, and just let the relationship die.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 9 (view)

re you able to trust ever again? Posted: 6/11/2006 9:22:12 PM
My heart goes out to both you and ljrdg37, You raise a tough question, let me answer it this way. Trust is like believing in santa clause. If you don't believe then santa claus does not exist. If you believe in santa claus then your heart has expectations and you have before you an ideal, a belief in the benevolence of mankind (confirmed every christmas), the joy of exchanging gifts and sharing quality time with family, friends, and other love ones. On your practical side you know that santa claus does not exist. But there is to much to lose it you don't acccept the ideal. You cannot prove or disprove the existence of an ideal (ideals are based on values accepted and shared within a culture). Yet, you reap wonderful benefits by accepting the illusion. Trust is like that. Absolute trust is an illusion, but an important one. For each of us has a different world view, values, beliefs, and wants. We do have expectations that basic values are shared, but we don't take time to discover the truth of that assertion. But, if you choose to not believe that men are trustworthy you lose romantic love, affection, confirmation of your feminity, and confirmaiton that life is good (all of that stems from romantic love). Can you have absolute trust in anyone, including yourself. Do you always behave according to your values, beliefs, and principles, probably not. We humans live conceptually, but many generalizations, traditions, values, beliefs breakdown when applied consistently, because as human we make mistakes, we behave inconsistently with values and beliefs and this describes people who are basically good. The player, power manipulators, and destroyers walk amongst us looking and acting like everyone else. That is the problem of trust, first sort out those who are a destructive sociopath, from the rest of mankind and second the realization that no one will meet your values system 100%. If you are honest you will realize you don't as well. Does that mean that you should be a doormat? Not at all, but don't expect the world to live by your expectations or values. You need to ascertain that the one you give your heart to shares your beliefs and values. If not you must accept the difference or reject that person. What this man has done, by our values, is inexcusable? But to generalize and to think that all men are the same is a gross failure in logic. Can you trust again, well you must make that choice, for it come down to this, you must choose. Nothing is automatic, no one can decide for you. If you want romantic love, to be held and cherished then you must choose "yes, I will trust again", if not you will live alone and lose out on fantastic experience. I wish you well

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 78 (view)

what does a man REALLY want ? Posted: 6/11/2006 2:09:41 PM
OK, all these post are fun but back to the quesiton: "guys are always telling me they mean what they say ...i have found this to be a piece of fiction ....why can't they say what they mean ? How do we know what they really want ??" This is just my opinion, let me present an analogy. I have been a buyer for many years. Salesman are always rattling my chain, they will promise me anything.,they try to get into my head one way or another they want my business, because business means money. So, I am invited out to expenseive lunches, drinks, etc, and all of this is acceptable business practice (most small businesses). These sales people will say and do whatever takes to get my business. Here is the problem, a large number (ok, this is a generalization, but I think it will hold up, just examine your own experience) guy and ladies are in a sense selling themselves in order to gain sex (that is blunt, but I think understandable). So, the problem is that women are fed so much BS that it becomes expected (oh, your hair is so soft, you have such beautiful eyes, you have such strength of character, etc. etc). Now when a guy come along not spouting this BS he is looked at less favorably. For example, if most saleman, take me to lunch, listen attentively to my mundance stories and along come one who won't. Who expects not to give preferential treatment, but has a good product and expects fair exchange and not to slobber all over the floor to get my business. What will be my reaction? We if I am honest and my ego doesn't need massaging I will listen to all that crap with a grain of salt and treat everyone equally and make my choices according to realistic criteria (not how well my ego was masagged). But the problem is most people don't face up to reality they like to be catered and treated as though they are special. Now to answer the question, depending on the person and how they treat reality, if you demand that your ego be massaged, flattered, catered to then you will always be lied to. Pretty simple, huh.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 471 (view)

Can men and women be friends without sex? Posted: 6/9/2006 8:50:40 PM
How do you categorized this thing? First, I know that I can be friends with a woman, I like women, each one is different and wonderful. But, that doesn't say much. I don't mean that offensively, I just mean to say that knowing women in a general way and being generally friendly is easy to do. If you like women. How about this, could I be friends with a beautiful woman, while in a meaningful relationship with my soulmate, sure I can. Why, because you make boundries out of self respect and out of love respect for your soulmate. Far as I am concerned that beautiful woman would be just a buddy. Now here is the tough one, could I be friends with an attractive woman who finds me attractive and we both are not in a relationship. Look. lets be honest here, if she is good enough to be a friend, there is only a thin line between a woman who is a good friend and a good woman friend being my lover. So bottom line, guess I would have to say that like everything else in life there is no easy answer, and just depends.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 16 (view)

Guy I met online keeps asking for money Posted: 6/8/2006 6:47:09 PM
Toni, Some of these posters have been very blunt, but they are also right. Just do a search on Nigeria and the word scams, this is big business in Nigeria. One posting, recommends that you get a name and report that person to the CIA office in Nigeria, in Lagos. Whatever you do, don't send money.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 11 (view)

why is it that most gals dont respond back when u im them?? Posted: 6/7/2006 7:29:43 PM
I think that CanukleChica is right, There must be 10 guys to every woman on these dating services. So, its ladies choice. Thats life, I would recommend you move to an area like L.A. where there are more woman than men. But, if you want to reverse the table I would recommend Sweden, I have been there women pursue men, in a singularly flirtatious manner that it is very charming. But on the otherside, I have met five women through Plenty of Fish, all of them very nice, just haven't found the right one yet. So keep fishing, there has to be the right one out there for you.. Oh, as an afterthink, ignore women who quibble over your grammar, you would not want them anyway. These same women would probably be judgemental and argumentative, in any case. Who needs it, remember a relationship is only so good that it enhances your life. If you aren't getting that you don't need the relationship.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

Why do women like Jerks Posted: 6/7/2006 7:13:36 PM
I take a different perspective. In my opinion, young women, finds the aggressive, jerk attractive because of sex. A woman out on a date with a sensitive, shy, caring man knows intuitively that her chances of getting laid by him aren't that high, but with a jerk (its written all of him - his body language is clear). And so the answer is simple, younger women seek men who give out. As women get older, they start seeing the light (usually after a decline in their sex drive) or after getting jerked around once to often (sorry for the pun, just couldn't resist it). So, they start looking for a nice guy. Just read some of these posting by women, it confirms this view.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 72 (view)

Lowering the education bar Posted: 6/4/2006 3:05:13 PM
First, in regards to the lowering the education bar. No question about it, any American who has completed their education through the public education system, knows this to be a fact. High school standards in the 60s was withought question of a higher level than the four year university standard of today. Why, that is a different question, I think it more political than for racial equity issues. Yes, the bar was lowered to allow more minoriities and women to successfully achieve a pig skin. That is common knowlege, but if you are unsure ask a any teacher friend of yours and I am sure they will confirm this view point. Second, to our Canadian (American bashing friends). I would strongly suggest you look into your own back yard when discussing issues such as health care and discrimination. Here are just a few of many sites available on the internet that discusses such points: Health care http://www.heartland.org/Article.cfm?artId=15034 Discrimination http://web.amnesty.org/library/index/ENGAMR200012004 http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/2001/08/14/chopra_ruling010814.html

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 118 (view)

Women who left Verbal/Emotional Abusers... Posted: 5/28/2006 1:00:57 PM
for balance, keep in mind that verbal/emotional abusers are not gender specific, women are just as guilty of this behavior as men.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 64 (view)

Single Women Over 30 ' Chances Posted: 5/28/2006 12:53:14 PM
I think that this 20% statistic is something that was just pulled out of the air. Men do like younger women, because younger women are (generally) more attractive than older women. Whoops, did I say that, that statement although true is probably socially taboo. But all that means is that instead of men in thier 20s being attracted to these thirty plus women, it will be men in their thirties or forties attracted to women in thier thirties. Their are always exceptions, but I think that holds up as a generalization. Are the best already in a relationship? Another over generalization, in the US the average marriage only last 6.66 years (2/3rds of these divorces requested by the female, the number is higher in community property states (wonder why?)). Therefore, their are a large number of available males (as witnessed by any dating website - male to female ratios at least five to one (nice odds for you ladies). On the other side of the coin, us guys who have been divorced and raped by the court system have second thoughts about marriage. We grow more cautious every year as more and more of our friends have thier lives destroyed (financially) by a woman who vowed that forever and ever. Marriage may not be a smart move for a man unless he gets the lady to sign a pre-nupt. Recently a friend's engagement fell through he asked the lady to sign a pre-nupt and she refused declaring that he didn't love her if he required a pre-nupt, wasn't so funny to my friend he was the one to end the engagement.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 34 (view)

Lose weight first, then date? Posted: 5/21/2006 1:24:29 PM
Hmmmm, 1. Adding muscle and maintaining a good regular exercise program will help you stay fit. You don't have to be concerned about gaining it back if you keep to that idea. 2. Appearance does matter, to both men and women, it isn't shallow. Its a whole package. If you have a good appearance, are intelligent, and capable; you want to date someone who is similar (why take less than you are). The basic idea is that your choice of mate is a reflection of who you are, as a person. 3. It hurts to be rejected no matter what the criterial. What if your potential mate says, "You aren't smart enough", guess that is shallow to not really, its a preference a value. Personally, a relationship with an IQ difference of 20 points is far more difficult to maintain that a excess weight difference of 50 lbs. I think you are on the right track, lose weight then seek a woman whose appearance is pleasing to you. My recommendation is also look at the mind and heart, if the match of all three is there, you are one lucky guy.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 26 (view)

on the rebound Posted: 5/21/2006 1:02:07 PM
This so called friend took advantage of you when you were most vulnerable. You needed love desparately after getting divorced. This character used you. How do you move on? YOu need some healing time, alone time, stick with same gender friends for awhile. Talk to your friends, your relatives, vent as much as possible. I have been divorced for over a year and met a woman who tore out my heart. It happens, some people are thoughtless (both genders). Do not associate with this guy. He is not your friend. If he had been he would have been open and not played your heart that way. I wish you well

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 3 (view)

What are the chances? Posted: 5/20/2006 4:40:37 PM
Sensitivity is a wonderful thing. Knowing the value of a human being and respecting same, is a wonderful thing. But lets look at reality for a moment. How were American prisoners treated in Iraq? How were American prisoners treated by the Germans and Japanese during WWII? It is not pleasant, but war is war. Sometimes it is necessary to not take the high moral ground, but take actions which will reduce the loss of life to Americans. Americans keep acting like we are a bunch of saints and act so cautiously in regards to other courtries who have a history of brutality. Why saddle yourself with rules which place you at a disadvantage. Imagine yourself in a street fight. Your opponent knows every dirty trick in the book. But you, you play fair, by the rules of a saint. What is the outcome, he kicks off your knee cap, kicks you in the groin, and stabs you in the back. Playing the game your way you become a foolish victim. When in battle, you have to realize that you aren't in Sunday school, but must face the real world. You do what you must do to survive. If you don't have the guts to do what must be done then don't stand in the way of those who do. Your condemnation may sound virtuous but it is destructive. My advice to people of your pursuasion is get out of the way, let real men do what needs to be done.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

why do people have to be predjuce and judgemental? Posted: 5/19/2006 7:53:12 PM
It is called discrimination and it may not be politically correct to say it, but discrimination is not a bad thing. Discrimination = The ability or power to see or make fine distinctions; discernment. We all discriminate, whether are selecting a wine, a house, a mate, a car; we discriminate. We make a choice based upon our own selected criteria. You would not just pick some car, some person, some house, you make choices base upon what you value. OK, so sometime the other person's criteria works against you, that is life, grow up. If you want that handsome, smart guy, then either you work hard to meet his criteria or you find someone not so discerning.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 31 (view)

Guys, what would you do? Posted: 5/16/2006 8:26:26 PM
Fantasyflavor has my vote. I knew a couple, had a sweet baby girl, the mother found it adorable to have her baby girl in bed with them every night. Finally, when the child reached five the father had enough. Told the wife either we sleep together without the child or I am gone. The wife choose the child. Personally, the love bed is not a proper place for a child.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

Why Do Guys Lie Posted: 5/13/2006 7:14:03 PM
LOL, Do you think that lying is gender specific?

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 15 (view)

Depression without Reason Posted: 4/27/2006 1:27:39 PM
Please understand I am not a doctor. But what you are describing sounds more like a manic-depressive cycle. You can research that on the web, but I would recommend that you see a competent psychologyist. good luck

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 94 (view)

Cold, lonely nights....and sleeping alone Posted: 4/23/2006 3:01:19 PM
From a guys point of view, It isn't any different for me. I was married for thirty years and sleeping alone, not having that special one to cuddle and hold at night is a major loss. I tried sleeping on the couch, not a very satisfactory solution. I tried the body pillow, still not a good solution. I think the only answer is to find someone to love. Any of you ladies out there, if you have a good heart and head email me, I am sure we can solve this problem together

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 221 (view)

are all the guys on here looking for sex? Posted: 4/21/2006 10:31:42 PM
The simple answer is "yes". If you are seeking romance, a spouse, or a lover, although there is more than sex, there is context, love, affection, romance, a life partner. In this context the answer is a ear shattering "yes". Also, the reciprocal is true, women are looking for sex in that context as well. Could you image marriage without sex, romance without sex, doesn't make sense does it. Ifyou are looking for a friend to just have good times, then same gender friend works very well. Cross gender friends can work, but it takes effort. So, the answer to the question is if your seeking romance, seeking a mate, then if you aren't considering sex as a part of that search you are probably very confused. Now if the question is more specific: Men want only sex. Well, that goes both ways, not doubt about it, there are some people who don't want the emotional involvement or long term committment. These people are looking for just sex. But please don't generalize neither all men nor all woman take this view.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

Lower Back tatoos = a good Icebreaker? Posted: 3/9/2006 10:29:09 PM
Well I guess that I am just not that shy. I have commented to several women about a nice tatoo, on thier lower back, if I felt it deserved comment, because it was unusal or just stood out. Personnally, I would not persue the conversation beyond that point. I have heard many men comment to the effect that a tattoo on the lower back is a slut badge, meaning easy sex. I find women wearing tattoo's a major turn off, but that is me, meaning you can't generalize from that and interpret that to mean that you should behave this way or that. If you find that attractive (tattoo's), and you need that kind of an ice breaker then use it, what the hell.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

help me please....... Posted: 1/23/2006 4:21:44 PM
Hi Kelly, I am going give you this straight from a man's point of view. First, you need to cut loose from him and move out of that house, you are just tearing yourself apart. Its his house let him have it. I am hoping your divorce is final by now and you are receiving child support. You can't continue in this situation, it bad for your kids and its bad for you. Its time to move on.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 48 (view)

anti- spanking laws Posted: 12/25/2005 8:38:00 PM
Children and adults do not have the same capabilities. Also, a child receiving a spanking is in the context of some type of agreed upon wrong action, by parents not a stranger. If an adult commits a serious wrong action he or she receives more than a spanking, that is why we have police.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 47 (view)

anti- spanking laws Posted: 12/25/2005 8:34:06 PM
The goal of childhood is not survival, that is an adult responsibility. The parent strives to protect and keep their children safe. But, it is also their responsibility that their children grow up with good values and a sense of responsibility. Children do not have the capability of reasoning logically full blown and functional at a tender age. Logical reasoning takes experience, trial and error, learning from parents and teachers. In some respects and with some children, they lack the ability to distinguish between my property and your property, my wants and your wants, between right and wrong. It is the responsibility of the parent to teach the child the way. And, yes many time you cannot reason with the child, because they are behaving in a emotional level, perhaps totally egocentric manner, and that may not be appropriate for the moment and they may not be interested in even listening to reason much less to change their behavior. Also, you are doing a word substitution, if you are attempting to argue in an intelligent manner, I would recommend that you quit substituting words and definitions. The word was spanking, not beating. Beating has a different definition.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 46 (view)

anti- spanking laws Posted: 12/25/2005 8:21:50 PM
Quick response to this foolishness about Jesus, I think if you re-read you bible you will find little is known about his childhood. So, we don't know if he was spanked or not. It is a poor arguement and more than a little bit unfair to make an assumption and then act like the assumption is true. Also, anyone who is a keen observer of actions taken by the federal government would quickly discern that everything the government gets involved in, gets screw up. Just look at the failure of welfare, integration, the great society, the public schools system, medicare, affirmative action, and social security. Would you want an agency who continually bats zero to interfere with something as important as child rearing. Why would anyone wish to impose their views of child rearing onto others, what gives them the right. What I do in my home is my business. Government is getting to much control in our lives already, why would anyone right thinking person want to give them more.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 88 (view)

4 year old boy murders himself. Are we sure the gun didn't do it? Posted: 12/23/2005 8:46:58 AM
Bravo, An excellent response, I am very impressed that someone has taken time to gather data to respond to the gun-control crowd. I have always been amazed by the mentality "guns kill", nonsense - people kill, if it wasn't with a gun it would be with some other tool. The gun control crowd would disarm the populous leaving us victims to criminals and criminal governments. Once again I appreciate your response and wish there were more people with the guts to state such views

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 23 (view)

Men want what they can't have Posted: 12/19/2005 11:14:31 PM
I know you hurting and you have mixed feelings. Part of you wants him back and the other part knows better and wants to push you to move on, no matter what.. I agree with what many others have said in their posting, you need to put your emotions aside for a time. Find yourself a lawyer, and go for half of everything, you deserve it. It is not a matter of it could hurt him by going to divorce court, you have no choice, otherwise you will be in financial bind. My guess from what you said is that he has already found a replacement. I looked up your profile, I think you would be a hard act to follow. So perk up girl, you aren't in a place to get into another relationship, you need some healing time. You will be fine, I know it doesn't look that way now, and we have all been there, but you will heal and life moves on. Take one step at a time and a time will come, it may take months, but the big hurt will pass, you will still hold it in your heart for awhile, but you are a lovely woman, from what you have described as some of your history you have guts and determination, give yourself time, ride your emotions don't suppress them. Vent alot to family and friends, let the hurt out. Someday, it may be six months it maybe a year you will be strong again, you will find a good man, and be ready to start again. I wish you good luck.

Joined: 12/18/2005

Msg: 100 (view)

O.K. guys,want to know why some women don't respond to your e-mails? Here's why.... Posted: 12/19/2005 10:53:33 PM
The answer to the question is overwhelmingly simple. On all these webdating services there are ten guys to each woman who participates. Many of the webdating services that charge for matching even permit women to join for free because of the high male to female ratio. So, this activity becomes very ego satisfying to the ladies. They pick and choose while the guys are running around chasing their tails. Secondly, I have encountered many women who are only ego trippin and have no serious interest in dating anyone met on the web. They are just playing. So guys. if you take any of this to seriously, you are bound to get your feelings hurt. The best approach is to consider your chances of finding a match here as the same as your chances of winning the lottery. It could happen, but I would not hold my breath.

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