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Thread: Help! I'm 26 and a great catch, why do men keep ignoring me?

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Help! I'm 26 and a great catch, why do men keep ignoring me? Posted: 2/8/2009 5:26:49 PM
Ok, for your Interests, you could expand on "sporting events" by being more specific (football, curling, full contact badmitton, whatever). Plus you could maybe say something about if you like watching or doing or both (kind of assuming it is watching from your context, but it could be clarified). You also list "Talking" - now, don't take this wrong, I don't make the stereotype rules I just am aware of them. A lot of guys may see "talking" as your interest and equate that to "I have to sit and listen to her babble about makeup/clothes/shoes/blah blah blah". Obviously ridiculous, but you might wish to consider "Conversation" as an alternative to talking. The whole "waiting for him to come along" is very passive-voice, and although most people don't catch it consciously, most guys unconsciously equate passive-voice as "negative" or bad (in my opinion). It's very positive sounding when you say that you believe your Mr. Right is out there, to follow it better you might want to say something like "...and I'm ready for him to find/to be his Ms. Right", or something in that vein. As for the first date thing, I agree that the coffee/dinner/movie thing is overdone, but it is also a "safe" option for some. If you are willing, you could leave it as a possibility. Plus, coffee or dinner is a very short period of time relatively speaking, if things don't go well there's a specific end in sight where the guy doesn't have to "make up" an excuse to bail if he wants to. I disagree with the above poster, I think you have both with and without glasses pix. I personally think the librarian-look is sexy, but if I didn't you've got others that show you without the glasses. I think you have it balanced well. Overall, I'd say you sound like a great gal and except for one item in your profile I'd be quite happy to chat you up and get to know you if we were closer to each other. :) Good luck!

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Need help please from the ladies :) Posted: 2/8/2009 4:49:15 PM
Thanks Yougo :) I appreciate the input - what do you think of the new pictures? I just got a couple with GOOD LIGHTING finally. Apparently that was an issue. Any suggestions on what might be MISSING that I don't have? I took a lot out, but not sure if what I have written isn't covering something that I really should talk about.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Oshkosh singles - who's interested in a Meet & Greet? Posted: 2/7/2009 11:04:16 AM
Wondering who might be interested in an Oshkosh Meet & Greet? If you've got ideas on an activity and venue, toss them out! - Swing dancing at Surf's Up? - Bowling some Sunday afternoon? - Local band at ? - ??? I'd love to have other ideas and options presented! I'm willing to help organize, trying to get a feel for interest level first though. Any comments or input feel free to toss them my way.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

Future Locations for SE/SW Wisconsin Meet & Greets Posted: 2/7/2009 10:46:50 AM
Does Oshkosh count as SE/SW Wisconsin? I suppose we are more central perhaps? Anyway, other than Appleton which apparently has some great M&G's, has there ever been one in Oshkosh? I'd be open to helping organize something here. I agree that having different times and days are going to bring out different people, everyone works different shifts, the smokers/non-smokers thing, arranging for someone to watch any kids they might have, there's plenty of reasons for venue's other than a bar and band (not that there's anything wrong with that). Bowling does sound like a lot of fun, as does karaoke, maybe something like a museum walk? The Dragon Boat races (we have them in Oshkosh, not sure where else they are held) might be an idea. In Oshkosh, the Blue Moon Cafe (coffee house) has an open mike night, the Fine Country Gourmet coffee shop is wonderful I think, Surf City has swing dancing one night a week which would be a lot of fun. I know the movie theater in town here has a Saturday morning "Frost Flicks" or something, that might work for people who have/want to bring kids along. I know the YMCA's in town also have an "open" time during the mornings where anyone can come and walk or run on their track (might just be in the winter though, not sure), so perhaps a "walking" M&G. Ok, that's all my ideas for now - sorry if Oshkosh isn't in the right area.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Need help please from the ladies :) Posted: 2/7/2009 9:16:01 AM
Please? I really would appreciate some input ladies, and thank you for your honesty.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Hit me with your best shot! :) Posted: 2/6/2009 9:33:08 PM
Ok, major reworking of the profile text, still no new pix though. Need to get some, perhaps tomorrow night I hope. Still, I'd appreciate any input on the text. Thanks!

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Relationship Advice - dating someone without children Posted: 1/28/2009 10:01:20 PM
As a single dad, I tend to take charge of kids automatically (specially if things are getting out of hand) and I worry that I step over boundaries with the person I'm dating. As to diaper and dress, I dunno if I would automatically go that far. I never was much for diaper stuff when my children were that age, and with a perfectly capable mom in the picture, I think I would avoid that too. A guy with no children would probably be even more squeamish about that stuff (and don't get me started on nakeee time!) I can really agree with these comments. Years ago I dated a woman with a young daughter, my son was several years older than she was. Anyway, I was very concerned (and still am) that while I automatically "take charge" or react "parentally" with kids, even ones not my own, I not step over boundaries. When I mentioned this to the young lady, she was quite pleased that I felt comfortable being "dad-like" (she didn't want/need me to be a daddy for her daughter, just to be able to act parental-like). She was really happy that I didn't treat her like a leper for being a single mom, and I was comfortable around her daughter enough to treat her like "a regular kid". Things were fine, and the little girl responded well to me even when I needed to scold her or correct her for being naughty or whatever. Fine that is, until the young lady I was dating got angry at me for something and read me the riot act for it (i.e., "you're not her father you can't tell her what to do", "she doesn't have to listen to you", "she's my daughter she doesn't have to do anything you say", etc.). Ok, major problem (especially as she was yelling at me in front of the little girl), as now I have no idea where things stand. So perhaps 79, your fella just doesn't know where he stands with YOU as exactly what he is and isn't able to act like. Second, come on folks - with the way things are in our society nowadays, can anyone blame a guy for not expressing a whole lot of interest in young children (especially possibly naked ones after a bath or during changing time)? Seriously, I know guys who won't even bathe their own children with the bathroom door closed just in case things go south with the mom, they don't want any possible negative accusations if they can avoid them. Until things are perhaps a LOT further along between the two of you, those concerns are not only valid for him to have, they are absolutely something you should respect on his part. That having been said, I agree that he doesn't sound like he's ready for a single mom, which is certainly a different things than "dating a gal that happens to have kids". WTH? Are you kidding? As long as they are minors and living in your home you are a package deal. I've dated women who had kids who didn't live with them, and were not really part of their lives; that was more the "dating a gal who happened to have kids". Hope this helps.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Social leper. Posted: 1/28/2009 4:20:07 PM
Sorry to be a touch OT, but where does it say in a profile how long a person has been a member? I tried to find it but was unable to??? As for suggestions (not trying to nitpic here, just looking for ANYTHING that might help youout): First, the pic of you in the white shirt, far better than all the others. You are in focus and clear. The gray shirt with the laptop is your second best, and the B&W pose is pretty cool too. The others, too fuzzy and/or just not great pics. Second, clean up the grammar and other language usage errors, such as capitalize proper nouns (you have John Grisham but steven king and dexter - they should all start with a capital letter), and while your sentence structure seems to be for the most part just fine, using more comma's where appropriate would just make your paragraphs flow better. Oh, and "DVD" should be capped too, I see that little error all the time. Other than that, other than being a shade short, seems to be pretty good (although I'm new here). Perhaps the hotel joke at the end grates on some women? I shouldn't think it would be (it seems obvious you are cracking a joke) but who knows.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

Another question to single parents (being brutal here) Posted: 1/28/2009 3:50:18 PM
DayWalker, I'll concede that the OP has had opportunity to clarify and explain her position better, and she appears not to wish to. So, while I agree you are likely correct in that she meant exactly what wrote, I also will throw out as a possibility that when a response akin to what I initially saw happens, many folks may feel overwhelmed and unsure of exactly how to more fully explain what they meant. Being new here though, I don't have the experience others have with the OP's posting history, and apparently there has been a history of similar posts? So if this is not out of character for her, the default belief in her negative portrayal of parents (single or otherwise) would seem to be an acceptable position. Personally, the issues I have had with the ex-husband/boyfriends of women I have dated mostly seem to revolve around anger (on their part), they get pissy that they no longer have control over "their woman" and somehow I'm supposed to be at least partially at fault for that. Once I've finished laughing at them, I generally have only had to make it clear one time that messing with me (or with the woman I was involved with) to cause me and/or her problems would result very quickly in a close encounter of the popo kind. Having the police show up on their doorstep seems to take the wind out of most of these gasbags. An issue is usually only as MAJOR as we allow it to be. Granted, some issues take a long time to resolve, but like I said earlier, what's a big deal for one person isn't necessarily for another.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Hit me with your best shot! :) Posted: 1/28/2009 3:26:46 PM
Ok, so I removed those particular passages as recommended, and tweaked some of the others a bit. Still need to get some different pictures, for now those shall have to do. Any other suggestions? Please, I'm open to any and all constructive criticism. As for alphabetizing - what, not everyone does that? :) That's MY little OCDness there. I've had several comments about how I shouldn't have much trouble finding someone based on my profile. One would think so, but so far..... not so much luck, LOL! Lot's of interesting folks here though, which is at least fun to read about. Thanks for the input thus far, please keep it coming.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Another question to single parents (being brutal here) Posted: 1/27/2009 8:27:47 PM
See, I didn't garner the same impression from the OP's first post most everyone else did. I thought it was just "why don't those folks with major issues get them resolved first" more than "why don't PARENTS.....". Honestly, I haven't been here more than a few days but many of these responses seem to have been by folks who took that particular wording very personally, and I would guess it was not intended that way. Now, USRUSSIANGAL, I'd say everyone has at least one major issue going on in their life that they are dealing with. Besides, what is major to one person might not be to another, neh? And having someone to carry a weight makes the work easier usually. Not that all single parents are looking for someone else to hook up to the old parenting plow beside them, but ideally we want to find someone willing to stand beside us through thick and thin.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

To test or not to test.... Posted: 1/27/2009 8:14:50 PM
Being a father is about genetics. Being a parent is about being there for the child, good/bad, love/anger/sadness/frustration/hope/dreams and everything else. If he's bonded with the child he can still be a parent, even if he isn't the father.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Hit me with your best shot! :) Posted: 1/27/2009 8:11:06 PM
Yah, the one of me on my bike at the triathlon was taken by a pro photographer, heh. Go figure he got me perfect, hey? :) Wish I could do the same. I'll see about some better pictures and trim the profile. Any advice or thoughts on what to trim down?

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 257 (view)

How should a very fit 40 year old dress? Posted: 1/27/2009 7:56:05 PM
Do you know how many college boys are hitting on me? They want a MILF! Ok, don't take this the wrong way or anything, but I want a MILF! lol And I'm not even in college anymore!!! (I just want one for a loooong time, if I had my druthers.)

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Hit me with your best shot! :) Posted: 1/26/2009 8:07:25 PM
Finally three days have passed and POF believes I'm ready for posting. So, I would like to have input on my profile, please and thank you. :) Ok, apparently I need to be unnecessarily verbose in my request for objective input regarding my personal descriptive narrative observable herein at Plentyoffish dot com. Forsooth this shall suffice to appease the gremlinbots preventing my review request.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Would you do me the Favor? Posted: 1/26/2009 7:56:21 PM
Well, just joined here myself 3 days ago, but your profile sounds like a fair description. Nothing crazy or disturbingly annoying pops out, pictures are clear. All in all I don't see anything specifically wrong. Hope it helps. Good luck!

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 649 (view)

Do women mind single dads with kids Posted: 1/26/2009 7:39:55 PM
Any more friends like what? (confused)

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 250 (view)

How should a very fit 40 year old dress? Posted: 1/26/2009 7:18:53 PM
I'm all for dressing how one personally feels comfortable, but there are also limits to what most folks can get their heads around as "acceptable". Last spring my extended family were all sharing a hotel at the same time as a kids hockey tournament was going on in the town. One morning a bunch of us were in the breakfast lounge when this gaggle of tween girls came in, all wearing the skin-tight low slung jeans with the flared legs, studded belts, the super tight shirts with exposed belly's, the multi-coloured hair - basically the Paris/Brittney look, none of us much paid attention. I got up to get a waffle or something and was standing behind all these girls when several of them said "Hey grandma blah blah blah" as they turned around. I almost fell over - one of the "girls" was this little (i.e., petite and very short, maybe 5' tall) lady, super dark tan, long dark hair, painted nails with little things glued on all over the place, neon/grundgy lipsticks & makeup, pierced bellybutton's, and dressed EXACTLY like these tweens. She looked flat out ridiculous to me. My relatives noticed and we all were just so surprised. She didn't notice our inadvertent rudeness, luckily for us, and they all walked out with their donuts and bagels. She had a very wrinkled face (over tanning perhaps? natural? no idea), the women in our party were convinced her hair was dyed (no idea), and This woman, probably in her late 50's by our best estimate, we saw her many times over the next 4 or 5 days. She was always dressed in this manner, and hung around with the girls and oftentimes acted like they did - it was bizarre, to say the least. I just could not get my head around why a woman - who certainly was physically capable of wearing such attire being so petite and short - would choose to wear that type of clothing. Like the above poster mentioned, a guy that age with pink hair, tatted jeans, etc would be laughed out of the building or considered quite odd. At the same time as I found it quite strange and a bit disturbing, I whole-heartedly felt that if that's how she wanted to dress it was her right. Still, very strange to encounter a woman who was literally almost my mother's age (guessing) dressing like my little nieces.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 600 (view)

How many sinle parents have their kid or kids with no help? Posted: 1/26/2009 6:54:35 PM
I'm a single father, and my ex has paid, ohh, maybe $300 altogether (actual cash) in the last 7 years or so. Now, to be fair, about 2 years ago we kind of fell into an agreement with each other that actually has worked out rather well for me. My son was a newly minted teenager, and had suddenly discovered the hip stores at the mall - and all their tawdry wares... A&F, Hollister, Aeropostal, etc. Me being not insane, I refused to buy my then-12/13 year old a $65 t-shirt or $115 pair of jeans he would fit for 6 months (possibly less). His mother on the other hand showed up one weekend with bags of said tawdry wares, all of which she had spent about $25 for. Turns out, I had forgotten, she is kind of an idiot-savant at bargain hunting/re-sale shops. Now please don't misunderstand, she is NOT an idiot and I am not implying she is at all, she's a very nice person all in all. Anyway, she has been able to find him $80 shirts - with the tags still on them - for $3 at some secondhand store. After the second or third time she managed this, I jokingly said "hey, if you can keep him supplied in all these clothes he wants, I'll consider that your child support". Turns out she has done just that, and I've been pretty darn happy about it, to be honest. My son gets the clothes he wants, I don't have the hassle of always telling him "h*** no I'm not paying that much for that!!", and she has the satisfaction of providing her son stuff he both wants and really appreciates. Kind of works out all the way around. My folks have helped out many times with certain things, and lately other family members have pitched in for special occasions (his godfather for example), but generally speaking, yep, been doing it on my own all these years.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 647 (view)

Do women mind single dads with kids Posted: 1/26/2009 6:13:46 PM
Back in the mid-90's I ran into the problem where women would find out I was a single parent. Almost every single time, the first thought they had was that I had "knocked up" some gal. Their second thought was that I was almost certainly a "dead-beat-dad" and had run off on him/his mom. IF I got the chance to correct them (usually didn't) they were so surprised to discover I was not only paying more CS than was required, but she had divorced me because I became disabled. Generally, they found this out second or third hand later and I'd get some strange/lame apology if we ran into each other for their mistaken assumptions. 15 years later though, things do seem to have changed a bit. Now, no eyebrows get raised when women hear that I have a child, that I'm a single parent, or that I'm divorced (or any combination thereof). It has become a norm in our society which the vast majority have accepted. Now though, I seem to run into where women whose children are old enough to be out of the house don't want to become involved with a man whose child/kids aren't out on their own yet, or who are themselves younger and they have their kids, but don't have a real interest in an older guy (10-15 years) with kids. I certainly understand those situations, but not sure if they've been discussed in this thread previously.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 1303 (view)

full-time single dads Posted: 1/26/2009 5:59:50 PM
Well, while I didn't read all 53 pages worth of posts, I seem to be about the only one so far that has always been a dating-single-father. Of course, my then-wife divorced me (our son was barely a year old) when my disability initially manifested. So, my son has always seen me dating. During his younger years I actually dated a lot more, now that I have more time on my hands in his teen years, seems to be when it has gotten a LOT tougher to find women interested in me, lol.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

son misses mom , she doesn't have time Posted: 1/26/2009 5:43:49 PM
I had the same experience with my son when he was younger (for different reasons on her part though - she wasn't working/too busy). It was very tough at times, and I'll warn you, it will likely get worse before it gets better. My son experienced such heartache and sadness when he had to "come home" from visits with his mother that he would act out for DAYS. The longer his visit with her the longer until he returned to "normal". She always has been, even to this day, been the "fun" parent. Thankfully, my son is now old enough to understand these things. He's going to be 16 this summer, and a few years ago he really started to "get it" - on his own no less - that his mom wasn't really this fantastic person that I played the Evil Overlord to. He began talking about how her faults and problems affected him (and he and I), and as he understood more completely, he and I actually got closer. It was a long time coming, but it really did feel so much better in my heart. For years I had to be the bad guy while she came across as, well, the good gal (at least in his eyes, mind, and heart). Now that's changed, thankfully, and as he matures that understanding will only broaden and deepen. So for now, yes, your son will miss his mom more and more, and it may get to be a real problem. But with time, and a bit of luck, you can look forward to a better situation developing. A suggestion for you - I don't know if it would be possible, but one thing I instituted was regular phone calls from his mom to help him. And it is important that SHE CALL HIM, not the other way around. She is the parent, the child shouldn't always have to be making that effort. Even a little 5 minute phone call helped my son so much, just telling her the little things he did and hearing a bit about her. It was huge for him. They still do that, although it's down to twice a week now, usually. If your ex doesn't know or understand the situation with your son, I would absolutely explain it to her and keep her apprised of the situation, so she can help. Well, I'll leave it there for now - good luck!

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 191 (view)

Are Wisconsin ladies boring? Posted: 1/26/2009 5:28:50 PM
Main Stream Media That really should have been "Main Stream Media" (sic) seeing as how they really are not that. Just an aside. :) I don't believe any women from any particular area are boring. In my life though I've found two things tend to be the case: First, women generally are more attracted to guys NOT from their area, regardless of if some random dude far away is a veritable clone of someone down the street; the fact that he is from "somewhere else" heightens his attractiveness. I'm not saying the same isn't true for how men behave toward women, but as a guy I've absolutely observed this situation many, many times. I have, in fact, benefited from it on many occasions as well, so I feel I know whereof I speak. (I.e., the grass is always green effect). Second, it is more likely the women are being highly selective rather than "boring" regarding when they respond, go out, or participate. This thus leads to a sort of "self fulfilling prophecy". Possible logic chain: - Women are selective/cautious/picky (whatever you want to call it) - Men (some of them) perceive that "women are boring around here" - Men who perceive that "women are boring around here" don't go to the M&G's, participate in the forums, or generally get involved in those areas many women are present in - Women who are active and present at M&G's, forums, or activities are not observed and/or interacted with by "dem guys" mentioned above - Men (some of them) feel their original complaint/observation has been supported by their experience (or rather, lack thereof) of "not meeting women/interesting women" Faulty logic chain, but an understandable one I could see as occurring.

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 77 (view)

Singles In Wisconsin! Posted: 1/26/2009 5:02:34 PM
Hmm, what I'd "like" in a woman? Far too many attractive possibilities to be specific! I've moved around so much in my life I have had the opportunity to date an incredible variety of women, and have enjoyed almost every single variation. I'd be most interested in finding a good foil for my own personality, being challenged by an equal or superior wit/intellect would be very attractive. Don't have a problem with women who have children (I have one after all), would prefer someone relatively near Oshkosh (tried the LDR before, not my thing), and while I enjoy a "date night" that involves going out on the town for some fun (museum, art show, lecture, play some pool, movie, music, whatever) I spend a lot of time at home (kind of a homebody) enjoying activities there (reading, movies, board or card games, music, talk radio, etcetera). I'd love to find someone for Swing Dance lessons at Surf City, be it as dating OR just as friends, so if anyone wants a dance partner let me know! :) Good luck everyone! Nathan

Joined: 1/23/2009

Msg: 171 (view)

Introduce Yourself Here. Posted: 1/26/2009 4:44:41 PM
Greetings & Salutations! I'm Nathan, I live in Oshkosh near West High School. I've been in Oshkosh for about 2 1/2 years now, rather like it. I'm a stay-at-home single parent (divorced 13 years), interested in finding a lady for a long term relationship. It's usually the sort of relationship that has to be built on over time, so I'm not expecting instant results lol. I hope to enjoy my time here, and look forward to contributing to the local POF community. Maybe I'll meet some of you at these Meet & Greet's I've been reading about - they sound fun! KuroKwai (Nathan)

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