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Thread: Submitted for your perusal...my profile.

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Submitted for your perusal...my profile. Posted: 9/4/2009 8:09:26 PM
Thanks for the input, adjustments forthcoming.

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Submitted for your perusal...my profile. Posted: 9/2/2009 10:53:46 AM
Hi, I would like some feedback on my profile. I have been here on POF for a few months and am endeavoring to improve my profile. I’ve read the suggestions posted here and feel I have followed the guidelines. I think I’m ready for some constructive advice. Any and all input will be appreciated. Thanks

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

will i ever be able to regain his trust? Posted: 7/28/2009 8:54:46 AM
In my experience, I have realized that we pair up with people who have had very similar life experiences. Our partners are people who reflect to us the condition of our own souls. Being with someone and drinking too much demonstrates that you both have painful issues that have yet to be worked out. Certainly your description of his behavior proves this out. It is obvious that his mistrust was a trait he learned from someone that betrayed him in the past and his anger is just an expression that he is unwilling and afraid to process it. Might this be true for you, only you can answer this question for yourself with a lot of courage and honesty, maybe even with support! It sounds like your ready to look at you, but I don’t think he is ready to look at himself; this makes for a bad match. Being supportive of him would be good but I would stay away from trying to establish an intimate partnership for now. Focus on yourself and get the most you can out this experience for the time being. Good luck

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

Why do men assume all women are like thier ex? Posted: 7/4/2009 3:25:46 PM
Gender aside we are all looking for an answer to the question. What stuff do I need to work on? To this end we surround ourselves with the answers yet most of the time we refuse to see them. One of the most powerful ways to learn is through relationships with each other, especially our closest relationships. Our partners best reflect where we are in our lives and how we really feel about ourselves. We generally only make small changes as we go along and therefore make only small changes in the partners we pick. This leads to the pattern posed in the OP’s question. It’s only when we are in tune to this that we become able to make big changes in ourselves and pick better partners that do not so closely resemble the last partner.

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

What do you consider clingy? Posted: 6/30/2009 9:41:42 AM
Clingy for me would be someone who is an emotional vampire, not that they are bad people, they drain energy from their partner (parasitic). We all need to feed off of other people’s energy but we also give energy to those we encounter in our daily lives (symbiotic relationships). Clingy people only take energy, they really don’t have any to share. You can actually feel them taking your energy! They are so “plugged in “ to you that when you are happy they are happy, if you are sad they are also. If I can, I try to be a part of their lives without letting them take my energy. I do this buy setting limits on our relationship. I try to see if they interested in changing this since they have never learned to share energy. Sometimes these people are to “dug in” and have no desire to change. I will stay away from them. I don’t think it’s necessary to quantify this behavior by how many times they should or shouldn’t call; I go by that “feeling” I get, the feeling of being drained.

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

Your biggest mistake as an artist? Posted: 6/18/2009 9:50:50 AM
r3db3ard, Grieving the losses is hard – emotionally challenging. This might be a challenge to test the strength of your passion for art or there is a hidden message here, like, what would your father and grandfather hope for you to do here. Maybe you could express these feelings about your loss through art. Either way I think they would want you to be happy and do the thing you love to do most. If that is artistic expression then you know the answer. Hope this helps. brin1954

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 71 (view)

Is it Cheating when you are seperated and could you forgive? Posted: 6/15/2009 9:46:09 AM
This thread has a very different tone then other threads on the subject. I agree that this is not cheating. I have been separated for 1 year now. We maintain COMPLETELY separate living quarters on the property, separate entrances and kitchens. The arrangement is part of a legal property settlement, which has a set date for termination at which point the divorce will be filed. This is purely for financial reasons. We went through marriage counseling and ending it was the conclusion. Grieving is done and I now feel ready to start dating. As I stated in another forum on this subject: There are people that believe that a certificate is the demonstration of a marriage. I contend that it’s a spiritual bond two people share. That bond is there before the performance of the ritual marriage and can dissolve long before the ritual divorce. Since my situation is very similar to this OP, is it acceptable for me as well? Feedback welcome. Thanks

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 130 (view)

How Good Do You Have To Be To Get Into Heaven? Posted: 6/14/2009 5:20:58 PM
I can only say that my journey has brought me to this point and is subject to change. I pose a classic syllogism: “God” is perfect. God made “man” (humans). Therefore humans are perfect. The question of how good we must be is moot. It’s really a matter of evolving our thinking to agree with the ‘Truth” of our existence, that we are already perfect! As long as we believe we are not (sin) we continue to do things that contradict Truth, which is really imposable to do… I’m still trying to wrap my brain around that! “Truth” is not “ subjective” but truth can be, capital “T” making the differentiation. “Truth” is absolute. There is only one Truth that governs our existence. And this Truth can be described with many different words in many faiths and stories. Once we free ourselves of the burden of trying to be good we can get on with the work of discovering this Truth which is what our lives are really about. We are all actually seeking the answer to this question whether we know it or not! I got on to this when I started to look at other faiths and beliefs, and started to recognize the common threads among them, skipping the literal and looking deeper into the meanings. One last note: It’s ok to desire things like love, food, and hobbies, ect. as long as they don’t exceed our desire to seek this Truth. As long as our priorities are correct we can’t help but have a positive effect on those around us. To write anymore here would be meaningless. The subject is too vast. Thanks for listening!

Joined: 1/28/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

Dating a married man or women. Posted: 6/5/2009 12:06:01 PM
I agree that this thread should continue, it’s a complex issue! The question of “Right and Wrong “ seems to clutter the issue though. The motivation of these behaviors and actions brings the right people into our lives to teach us the lessons of life. That’s what this is really all about for me. The OP has availed himself to a question of his heart. He is not in touch with the answer that lies within him and this forum will help him and others of us to get to that “I get it!” moment. We are all human here and not perfect, therefore we need to be gentle and encouraging to each other. If we are not, then there is something we haven’t yet figured out, a tireless red flag that faithfully raises. The more we pay attention to it the quicker our growth. I liked what jenjen333 said. I most identify with her. We all have different circumstances for being “legally married”, separated, and yet wanting to start another relationship (keeping in mind the broad definition of the word ”relationship”). For jenjen333 and myself it’s financial. I simply can’t afford to divorce, at least during the alimony period, which will be two and one half more years. Does that mean I have to wait until then (a rhetorical question)? There are people that believe that a certificate is the demonstration of a marriage. I contend that it’s a spiritual bond two people share. That bond is there before the performance of the ritual marriage and can dissolve long before the ritual divorce. For that reason I believe that it’s ok to start another relationship as long as there is total honesty, which is the basis of any healthy relationship. This would assume that one was at the tail end of the grieving process of the death of the marriage. The difficulty of being in this situation is that many people eligible for dating can be conflicted with the idea of dating a separated person for valid reasons. Some might feel that the person is using the status to avoid a commitment and is likely not aware of it. This example is broad and complex. Some of these separated people may not be done grieving and are looking for a distraction from it, again not aware of it. I’m sure the list could go on but keep in mind that being separated doesn’t necessarily mean not ready to move on. If your values tell you not to date someone in this state then by all means respectfully decline with no judgment. But with careful awareness one can easily find a true gem hidden under the title of SEPERSTED.

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