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Thread: He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/7/2009 6:11:10 PM
Thanks eschec mat! You are too kind :-). Thank you everyone for all the cool advice. I love that idea of "81% into you" with a heart around it...not sure if I can do it but it's definitely worth thinking about. I supposed nothing ventured nothing gained, right? Love is _______ (so many things).

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/6/2009 4:16:42 PM
I'm guessing that activity didn't go anywhere? You didn't get him alone and let him know you want to spend more time with him? ya...that group activity didn't happen for all kinds of different reason but i do see him again on wednesday and now that my other friends know what's up, i'm sure i will probably get some help, lol and...I just had a make over, well see. crossing my fingers. it's just nice and weird to be giddy again.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/6/2009 1:08:35 AM
tend to look for subtle signs that she's into me before i consider asking a woman out. so what subtle signs can women do show their interest without seeming desprate and having the man still feel like a winner persuing a girl that wasn't too easy to get? everyone says they don't like games but realistically, the hard to get (but not too hard to get, of course) seems to be what guys go for...is it just me or do men start losing interest when there's no more challenge? i don't get it. oh well, i guess i will read a relationship book, lol

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/2/2009 7:30:42 PM
Thanks guys and gals! It may sound grade school but we're both kind of old fashion is why I haven't asked him out myself...But I do love TedJMill's suggestion from Buffy. I think I will try that and I have already just gone and asked him on a group activity. We'll just see if sparks fly out side of our normal setting. I appreciate all the suggestions. ~Layoo

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/2/2009 11:50:36 AM
Is it really that common that a guy would be afraid to ask a girl out in fear of rejection? I guess I haven't asked him out either...lol. It's great when a man takes the lead. I think most every girl wants to persued. What do you think?

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

He won't ask a girl out unless he's 80% sure he's got a chance Posted: 7/2/2009 11:32:22 AM
I've been getting to know a guy in a group setting. At first, I didn't think he was my type (even though all the other girls thinks he's good looking) and I've seen pictures of his ex gf's and I'm definitely very different from who he's dated...BUT the more I'm around him, the more attractive he's becoming to me...AND I can see he is a great catch. The last time I was around him, he mentioned that he won't ask a girl out unless there's more than 50% chance she's interested. He said 80% sure before he'd even go for it (for the date). He and I finally had a chance to talk one on one and he's mentioned he doesn't really have a type except the characters and morals he knows I already have which is why we're both in the group, a book study. So I'm not sure if he likes me but I know I'm really starting to like him. How do I give him that 80% assurance I would go for him since I don't know how much of a percentage I have that he'd go for me?

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

guys who love you and leave you Posted: 3/31/2009 3:21:11 PM
Some people (men and women) just do change their mind...! Usually something triggers it, sometimes they just get bored or don't even know why upfront - but usually they do...even if they can't explain it or maybe they're too cowardly to explain it, confront it or work on it. Some think they're saving you the trouble of anymore hurt by not elaborating on why they leave. They all have their reason but either way, if they leave (specially with no explaination)...most likely, they don't care anymore. Those who care, don't leave or if they do care and leave, they probably think they are doing something sacrificial like allowing you to meet someone better that you deserve...(such a BS line, lol).

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Im engaged and she says im not myself when im with you Posted: 3/31/2009 2:30:09 PM
If you can't be yourself with someone you plan on spending the rest of your life with, then who can you be yourself with? You should feel most yourself with someone who knows you most and cares most about you and visa versa. Otherwise, maybe that's not how she feels about your relationship with her... Just remember that whatever issues you're having now, does not get resolved by getting married. Actually, it usually amplifies it. Does she feel obligated to your proposal or does she genuinely want to get married to you? That is probably a good question to consider... I'm not sure how long you've been together but I would suggest giving each other 2 years to really get to know each other before you actually tie the knot. That is a valued advice from good ol Dr. Laura. Good luck.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Opinionated Posted: 3/31/2009 1:42:24 AM
I've never been called ****y by anyone who knows me...I'm actually a very nice person and considered very friendly... I do try to pick my battle and it's only when I think it would be helpful/insightful (my intentions, usually) or when the other person is way off or convinced there's no other way it could be then it's hard for me to bite my tongue...then it becomes a challenge that if I don't have the fact right then and there, I at least say, I'm pretty sure this is that but I will get back to you with why.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Opinionated Posted: 3/31/2009 12:43:47 AM
Why are men so intimidated when women have strong opinion and voices it? I've even had someone tell me that he doesn't like how "assertive" I'm becoming. Yes, I used to keep to myself and let a lot of things slip by...but since I've found my voice, it seems to turn mostly guys off. Maybe it's just a matter of mis-communication because it doesn't seem to bother most of my women friends... I really do try to be tactful and I try not push my opinion on anyone. They are just opinions! Everyone's entitled to one. Is there a certain way to voice how I feel or what I think about something without a guy feeling insulted or disrespected. I know all about respect and how important that is to men.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

A buddy developed a Crush on Me...! Posted: 2/27/2009 5:30:14 PM
I'm part of a group that consist of mostly guys...(good for me huh). Two of them I knew had athing for me but I showed very good signs I wasn't interested so they've moved on. One of them I ended up dating. When he and I broke up a few months ago, a mutual buddy of ours (who we hung out with a lot) was there to cheer me up which have been nice until I realized he's developed a crush on me. We usually hung out in groups but since I wasn't involved in a relationship, I thought coffee and casual lunches with him was alright one on one, here and there. I think he's great but I'm not exactly there where he is on the attraction part nor do I see it working out because of many factors which he's aware of. Besides that he and my ex are great buds. Isn't there an unwritten rule that you don't go there anyways...?! I'm not sure how get out of an awkward situation. He's been a great friend and I would hate to lose that either. I think I might have lead him on without knowing it. He thinks that since my ex is obviously over me, all he'd have to do is actually ask for permission and he would have no choice but to give his blessing. He kinda knows it wouldn't work (and I think he doesn't care if he doesn't)but he's been persistent on flirting with the idea it could and he keeps asking me to hang out. But now that I know he's interested, I feel I have to come up with excuses not to spend too much time out with just him anymore. Any advise?

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

He got cold feet, we went backwards..now Just Friends Posted: 2/26/2009 9:59:10 PM
Hence why I am here. I have been open for someone to come into my life. That's always been his fear is that he was making to the wrong decision and when he decides he wanted me back...that it would be too late. Believe me I'm open. I have suitors but no one comes close yet and I will not settle. "Sometimes it's best to forget how you fell and remember what you deserve". I'm keeping this in mind. Thank ya'll!

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

He got cold feet, we went backwards..now Just Friends Posted: 2/26/2009 6:41:26 PM
Oh, did I forget to mention that the other woman is a 20 yr old girl (14 yrs younger than me), if it matters...He liked her because he thought she wasn't into getting into a serious relationship until she got attached more than he did. Ooops!

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

He got cold feet, we went backwards..now Just Friends Posted: 2/26/2009 4:02:45 PM
I did get very angry! Enought to let him go the first time. We had no contact for a while which was helpful....I was healing. I knew it would be hard to be friends with him with her int he picture. We did move too fast too soon but I didn't expect the promise ring and the marriage talks were at the time mutual. He does have commitment issues that I've seen in him before when it came to career and hobbies he would get into and then quit it all together. I guess I just thought I was an exception to the rule because I am human and a stupid girl. I can admit I have been in denial. The benefit I have been getting is that I have my best friend back. Not completely but working on it. I'm not counting we'd get back together but I do wonder how well and long this friendship's going to work.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

He got cold feet, we went backwards..now Just Friends Posted: 2/26/2009 3:07:14 PM
Wow. Thank you! I pretty much know this is what I have to do... It's just been hard to do it. It's been awkward since we have so many mutual friends as well. I care about him but we're obviously on different pages now. Though I've had peace and can accept it's over, I guess a glimmer of hope keeps coming back everytime he calls and we have great talks. He's not a man of many words and he doesn't comfide in many other friends besides his dad so I know he values our friendship and our talks and so do I. I also know that it would have to end someday when he finds someone else to be that kind of a friend to him but in the mean time, it seems like we both benefit from the friendship if I could sort out my feelings over it.

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

He got cold feet, we went backwards..now "Just Friends" Posted: 2/26/2009 2:36:53 PM
We had an awesome relationship like no other. Everything was going sooo well up to a point where we had an engagement ring on lay away (this is after he gave me a promise ring until he can afford the big one). A couple payments to go and he freaks out and lets go of the ring saying he's "not as ready as soon as we had planned to get married". He wanted to start over and start dating again with out me expecting that a ring was going to come any day... I took it hard, got more insecure and questioned his love from there on. We got to a point where he decided we'd be better off just friends because he couldn't stand to see me so hurt anymore. I got better and over the fact that there's not marriage in the immediate future. We still enjoyed each others company until he got set up on a date which he enjoyed way too much and kept seeing her. He wouldn't commit to her and he admitted he didn't see any future in that either so they broke up as well after a couple of months. Since they broke up, he felt like he can talk to me again without her to prevent him. He seems very clear that he doesn't want to get romantically involved again but wants to earn our trust and frienship back. I'm still very attracted to him and he's still obviously attracted to me but the other girl keeps showing up and she says...she also wants to be "just friends". Of course I don't believe her but he does. I've been honest to say that I would like us to be back together if all possible but I know that is not something I can force so I've settled for frienship over losing him again. We were awesome friends first and feel we can be again but it's complicated since she's still in the picture. Even though they're not dating anymore I know she's threatened by me. I try to act cool about it but deep down, I'm so disappointed by where he is and why he's there. I love him enough to wish the best for him even if it's not me but this girl is not it. Ugh! What to do?

Joined: 2/1/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

Post-rejection friendship Posted: 2/26/2009 1:47:49 PM
I agree with Kimbo. I've been and I am in this situation. It's gets very confusing and true colors start coming out when the "rejector" starts dating someone else and the one not involved ("the rejectee") gets jealous even if they don't want to be. Not only that, the new person in the picture then gets jealous or insecure about the real details of the friendship with the ex and it's not fair to them. It is so hard to pull off friendships when there's un-resolved feelings. However, I agree that true friendships could last a lifetime and too valuable to pass up but not when they're still licking their wounds. Frienships with the opposite sex is usually a dangerous place to be when one or the other or both are involved with someone else. You're playing with fire if you spend any alone time together, no matter how much you think you're over that person. Your spouse or who you're dating should be your best friend or at least they should feel like they are or else you're looking for trouble. Limited frienship is possible.

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