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redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

are virgins a turn off?? Posted: 4/28/2009 9:08:57 PM
That's a hard question. I'd not find a virgin a turn off BUT I have known any number of "virgins" who had a bad attitude. They'd flaunt thier virginity to everyone and think they were so much s better than others and not neccesarily religiously either! I have actually had to tell a couple different virgin female aquantainces that thier soap box/high pedestal mentality was rather annoying.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Catching someone nude by accident... Posted: 4/15/2009 2:35:25 PM
I walked in on my grandma nude changing clothes once when I was 7. Some things you cannot erase from your memory no matter how hard you drive.

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

sexual super powers Posted: 4/14/2009 11:56:10 AM
My super power? I'd love to combine the power of Deanna Troi from Star Trek TNG where her emapthic powers share during intimacy making things extremly intense AND the power of Odo from Star Trek DS9 to morph into any shape and size for cusotm fit. That way, aside from humanoid sex I could turn into a penis with eyes and be able to watch myself satisfy a woman from inside, but if she wants me to morph into a dolphin or monkey for sex I think I'd have to find a different girl or two or three. Oh man, think of morping into a tri penis with eyes and watcing yourself satisfy 3 women at once! I think I'll get in trouble with the GF for this post ;) I know that I have wanted the super power to understand women tallking in tongues and also Crazy bish talk many many times. I can see some people with utility belts miusing them. Some would have stuff like GHD rape drug, chloroform, few vials of coke. Then maybe some others would just store thier meds and vitamins in it!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

What do women think about country boys? Would you date me based upon my profile? Posted: 4/14/2009 4:15:13 AM
Hey OP - nice freakin troll post. Maybe we should all post a thread asking what people think of our opinions. Maybe if enough of us do it they'll create a special section for just that and call it "Profile reviews" or something. Oops, wait a minute - they already did. TROLL! I vote delete this useless topic as it does not belong here.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Anybody Ever Been To An Orgy? Posted: 4/13/2009 7:46:15 PM
I'd probalby like it in another life but I've been told there are bisexual men that go to those. Probably 10 minutes into it I'd have to say "Time! Steves finger's in mybutt again!". Nooo thank you! I'll stick with my woman!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Spending $30,000 or more on a wedding. Posted: 4/12/2009 5:48:48 PM
Egads! 30k? I think last marraige the licence and taxes ran me about 70 dollars. The church wedding a few months later ran about 1500. The divorce only cost me 60 dollars, no kids no contested was cheaper to get divorced lol!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Why are you EXCITED about being Single?!?!?! Posted: 4/10/2009 7:11:11 PM
Losing the ex was rough. However I found myself being very excited about being single again before the divorce was even finalized. I was not hunting for the next relationship, I just enjoyed the freedoms. I'm a bit weird though too. I am relativly sucessful but was too lazy to drive 35 miles to the nearest "classy" drinking establishment, Applebees so I went to my town's local social spot. Funny to see the games, would not act a fool for the women but really truly did enjoy myself drinking tequilla+mountain dew, meeting new people, and going home alone ;)

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Watching Porn vs Webmaster for Adult Sites Posted: 4/9/2009 9:02:45 PM
As an administrator of porn you probably view it more than your friend. It is what it is. Some relationships work with porn, I don't think your friend's RL is one of them. Porn, we've all done it to some extent. To each thier own. Personally I saw the dangers of porn, it's progressive so I stopped taking an active interest in it because of it. I've got a good imagination, why have someone manipulate it on video? Sorry, that is another discussion entirely ;)

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 163 (view)

Best Songs to Dance Like A Slut to? Posted: 4/9/2009 7:16:10 PM
Push it - Salt n Peppa

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

How can you tell your boyfriend i cheated on you Posted: 4/8/2009 3:07:28 PM
First of all, bad cowboy BAD COWBOY! Saying she should just cover it all up like it never happened is utter BS man. She's gonna have to reckon with what she has done, sooner or later. No amount of excuses or validations is going to change that. What is scary is people who NEVER square with thier own actions and consequences. Sadly, I see this more predominantly in men than women. Probably part of that whole "men don't go asking for validations" line of reasoning. He deserves the truth. While he may not be good enough for her she definatly is not good enough for him. Why are so many people DEFENDING the OP? I am all for not flaming an OP(most of the time) and I am not trying to flame her here. But Damn...as predicted the people came out of the woodwork giving sympathy and pretty much giving her a pass for this. She screwed up and is looking for comfort in something she did that was improper. What's more people like cowboy are trying to encourage her to just ignore it, not talk about it and try to act like nothing happened by being dishonest. I thought the purpose of the thread was asking for healthy advice. More specifically what we would do in her situation. Let's focus on that shall we?

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

How can you tell your boyfriend i cheated on you Posted: 4/8/2009 1:49:22 PM
BigDaddyJinx - you are still a posting god, I bow to your superior verbage!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 40 (view)

How can you tell your boyfriend i cheated on you Posted: 4/8/2009 1:42:26 PM
I declined to read any replies so as to not cloud my thoughts. First off, don't place blame elsewhere when you should be looking at yourself first. You spent a good amount of your post listing your Boyfriend's shortcomings from crushing you to not complimenting you to not enough intimacy. Have you for one moment thought to look at yourself or your relationship from his perspective? Probably not. Several things I have noticed with cheaters, espeicially my ex wife, is this: While no one is perfect seldom are the shortcomings from one side only yet the cheater will always look for justifications for what they want/will/or already did. Secondly is very frequently the problems/issues/and insecurities(including sexual) have thier base in the cheater's essence, nothing will seem at peace till they make peace with thier own issues or demons. Add to this the things the other partner does/does not do and it makes things worse. Lastly, once a person has laid the trackwork to infidelity they seldom end up never taking the path. Sadly, you already cheated on him with your innapropriate behavior. Yes, sleeping with him would have been worse. Yes, having feelings for him would definalty have been worse. But what you did was still innapropriate and if I was in your boyfriend's shoes and knew I think you'd probably be toast. It would be my view you don't need/want me enough and I certainly have no use for someone who would disrespect me by being unfaithful. Hun, you simply can not jsutify it away enough for a man like me. You'd be making things worse to conceal it in your situation. You hint at being at borderline of quitting on him. If you want to take the easy way out, break up with him(since he is obviously no longer worth your time or devotion) and mention a few weeks down the road what you had done, after he recovers from the break up. Least your concionce will be at ease, well actually no but... Also, I am QUITE certain there will be a few posts from some disgruntled women or men coming down on your BF for being guarded and unhappy when you put yourself in social situations with men including this one. They'd call him unworthy or not trusting. Hun, sounds to me like he was right to be concerned. Lie in the bed you made, own up to your own screwups, learn from them, and move on. Nuff said...

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 67 (view)

how many is to many Posted: 4/8/2009 12:08:21 PM
goodgal, I hear ya on asking how recent. Same with my current GF, we had sex on day one. Call me bad, we just could not resist! Far as the body count thing goes, I've generally chosen to not ask but have been asked any number of times. I don't lie. Sadly to say I do not have an exact number. IF asked now I'd probalby say "About as many times as how many birthdays I've seen" and leave it at that. I'm secure with who I am and with a good woman in who she is. Sure, there are fears of STDs and stuff. I've always protected myself with women I should protect myself with and avoided testing positive for anything bad. Quantity does not always = experience. Quality of partners is important, even if it's just they allow you to be comfortale and relax doing what you want to do. Of course it's funner when the partner contributes to the game ;) It just occured to me last night that 8+ years with my ex wife, who was very hard to stimulate indirectly, had given me the tools and sensation to nail all of my girlfriend's "hot spots" in short order and finding a few new ones she did not realize in the process. Ex wife sucked in bed, but years of effort and variance paid off with my current wonderful girlfriend!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Talking during sex? Posted: 4/8/2009 7:49:39 AM
I don't mind talking. The usual stuff, "OH that feels good, wrong hole(jk!), deeper & faster, oh Jesus!, ouch that's my cervix!". However, talking too much can be a distraction for me. I don't need a play by play since I am not only IN the ball park, I am on the mound! She's like the catcher. IF she shows me 1 finger I go for the "curve with my thumb" 2 fingers it's gonna be a slide-her, 3 fingers it's time for a changeup to her inside, 4 fingers I'm gonna have to call her to the mount to discuss WTF? If she has a fist up it's FASTBALLs time!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 272 (view)

Have you ever been caught Masturbating? Posted: 4/8/2009 12:55:54 AM
What's the most sensitive part of your body while masturbating? Your EARS!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Get that dog off the bed! Posted: 4/8/2009 12:46:45 AM
I have a king size bed, a queen size GF, a german shepherd and a chesapeake bay retrieiver. We all sleep in the bed. I can think of no better way to wake up in the morning. Oh, did I mention the 2 cats that are usually sleeping in between our legs when we wake up too? Dogs are on top of bed blankets/covers. I am below. I see no big sanitary issue. By the way, why does a dog lick his butt? Cause he knows in 10 seconds he'll be licking YOUR face! lol!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Dating A Virgin Posted: 4/8/2009 12:24:25 AM
It's admirable to wait. Can't say I have. Most my girlfiends it been sexual at some point, usually within 2 days...it's a curse. This does NOT mean I'd not abstain for a woman who was worth it though. Just never was in issue in my case. Did have a girl lie to me once telling me she was not a virgin. Afterwards she still didn't own up to it. What's that all about? One other peice of advice. Don't flaunt your virginity out there too much lest you put yourself on a high pedestal thinking you are so much better than all around you. To a guy like me that is one of the biggest turn offs I can think of.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

Condom Too Big Posted: 4/8/2009 12:16:01 AM
It could just be the condom desensitized him to the point of losing the original mass he streteched the condom out for when he initially put it on. Condoms are a wonderful birth control/safe sex device but they don't reflect my reality. Regulars always strangled the base of my member and quite often broke. Nothing says lovemaking like a dark bruise at the base of your member afterwards, a subtle but not so gentle day reminder of last weekend's adventures. Chuckled when I read of the "SNAP" during intercourse comment. Had that happen too couple times, same response except luckily it was retreivable. Mangums were a blessing for me, I dunno where somone thinks they are shorter than regulars. Not last time I checked. Hard to find good mags WITH spermicide and made for pleasure. I do my best work gloveless though so am always happy when at a phase two with a woman where I feel no need to use one. Her mouth boobs and stomach make good storage compartments at that point lol! It's pretty damn serious and dead sexy though when I hit phase three and can just orgasm with and in her. Always brings a tear to my eyes, even when married to her ;) Okay, time for a cold showah!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 269 (view)

Have you ever been caught Masturbating? Posted: 4/7/2009 11:53:29 PM
I masturbated in the car once. I suppose that was a cry for help. I wouldn't do it again though cause the cab driver got very mad at me. I told him I was sorry but all I saw was the no smoking sign. I also got caught masturbating by my date's father. It got complicated because it was HER I was masturbating lol!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

STUPID HEALTH MYTHS !! Posted: 4/7/2009 11:50:08 PM
I try to eat breafast fruit coktail I mix in morning(with protein powder), snack a couple times during the day and usually eat something resembling a light dinner in the evening. This coupled with working out daily, sometimes twice a day, has led to good fat loss and even some muscle gain though that seems to be a slower rate. Question regarding Lets say person is 180 pounds of lean muscles, that means that he would need around 200-250 grams of protein a day, plus at least 150-300 grams of carbs. 100% of daily protein recommendation is just 50 grams. I understand that 180 pounds lean would require more but up to 5 times more than what sustains a normal active healthy body? What's a more realistic number to shoot for a 38 year old 6'2" 238 pound guy? I reckon I get about 110 a day, give or take 20.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Choosing Between Parents and a Woman ? Posted: 4/7/2009 11:27:15 PM
What's the difference between a Jewish mother and a pitbull? A pitbull eventually lets go! Time to cut the apron boy, you're almost a man. Technically you've been a man for 9 years according to your faith actually... I'd choose the girl, it's okay to respect your parents but since they are not the ones in the bedroom(hopefully) you deserve a sense of privacy. It's way cool to be straight laced and all but I am sure even Clark Kent would not have asked his parent's permission to masturbate, let alone screw Lois Lane! Man of steel indeed! Where was I? Oh yeah, time to show your parents your independence cause not many woman would want to be around a guy who's whipped to his parents. I mean, how is she supposed to get you whipped when you are already tied to them?

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Where are the guys in the real life? Posted: 4/7/2009 11:15:13 PM
So mostly girls at your church functions, btw your profile says no religion lol. Where I am there are more girls in the activities including church like you mentioned. First, check the bars. In small town life like mine I'd say 75% of the available single guys are having sex with(or trying to) with about 25% of the women YET it's STILL a woman's game to be played here and they make the rules. What does this mean? The single and looking gals at the pubs/bars etc need to advertise themselves better or make a move. Second, you could do the gym thing but as a 1-2 times a day gym guy I'd not rely on this too heavy. Many of the people I see at the gym(male and female) are flakes - particularily those in great physical shape. They're in love with themselves and seem to be feeling entitled to having anything thier way. I've dated a few gals in better shape than me from the gym, just none that was 3 dimensional, no pun intended. Third, places like Applebees are good places not only to maybe meet a few men at the bar but they tend to be a bit more high brow and intellectual than those in common bars. Thier income is likely to be better than the take home of a guy delivering pizza part time or bagging for Wal mart. It's sort of a hidden gem in most cities. But be prepared to pay a bit more for drinks and definatly be ready to be a bit more aggressive. If I was single that would be one of my hangouts since everything I mentioned about they type of guy I mentioned also applies to girls there, in general.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Female that looks very young Posted: 4/7/2009 10:58:21 PM
It's got to suck as an intern for sure. Personally, I think if a girl was interesting to me I'd look right past that and enjoy her looks and all for who she is. Voice is one of my larger turn ons and I recently figured out it was not the exact tone of a woman's voice that I notice, it's how they display thier voice. It's a confidence indicator. So you could sound like the nanny or queen latifah and it's still gonna be the way the voice is carried that turns me on or off. Far as looks go I used to date a "China Doll" who was 4'10 and high girly voice. I am 6'2". I was 17 at the time, she was 19. I don't recall her girlishness inhibiting my normal attraction for her. She was quite mature.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Guys, do you like long letters/e-mails? Posted: 4/7/2009 10:53:15 PM
It's not bad to write long letters even if you're just rambling. It shows open communication and interest. I have the same habit as you in writing long letters and emails. It is with greater restraint that I attempt to keep my posts in PoF a shorter length because I know if I post much more than 7 sentences or 2 paragraphs people's eyes are going to glass over and move to next post no matter how articulate a point/opinion/observation I may have. I STILL think the Canadians shoved mass quantities of ADD causing chemicals into our water supply while we were celebrating inaguration of current Prez....

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Internet Sexual Affair With Married Woman Posted: 4/7/2009 5:49:46 PM
Cheating is cheating, whether cyber or not. Any time you dedicate energy/emotion/attnetion normally reserved for your significant other to a 3rd party it is cheating. Case closed on that one. Want to argue this? Start a thread. StarreGazer , dude lay off he caffeine man! You made valid points but YOU made them ABOUT FIVE times in THE same thread. Plus, ALL this *MIXED CASING* was too distracting AND I DON'T distract very EASILY lol! I would not go to the extrmes starr stated, suspicion is not neccessarily a relationship killer. We all have defense mechanisms and past experiences can play. None of us are mind readers and it's part of building GOOD trust that helps allieve suspicions IF they arise. That being said, too many times suspicions are valid sad to say. OP did not need to be criticised for suspicion, the cheating was admitted to. Point at the OPs failure to end the relationship stat if you want to accuse the OP of anything...

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

I think Im in love.... Posted: 4/7/2009 1:10:50 PM
Oh, and he may be gay! Don't discount that!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

I think Im in love.... Posted: 4/7/2009 1:10:19 PM
Nobody's perfect. What you see in him will come better into focus over time. Meanwhile, there is no reason why you should not approach him, throw him out a few friendly signals. Just don't make a fool of yourself and start appearing desperate to be with him, that'll do you the most harm in the end! Be happy with your life, enjoy what you have. Don't spend too much time with the have-nots but don't be afraid to try to change a have-not into a have. Umm, what the hell I just write???

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Water filter question Posted: 4/7/2009 12:21:43 PM
I use the pur system and it works great! Water on tap here is very high in minerals. During Summer there are advisories that pregnant women should not drink the tap due to high sulfur content.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Internet Sexual Affair With Married Woman Posted: 4/7/2009 12:19:00 PM
Hun, ditch him ASAP! I don't know your situation fully or history but kick him to the curb. He not only disrespects you at the lowest level by his infidelity, he lacks any accountability and would rather put it off on you. I don't care who you are or who you perceive to be, you're better than this. Btw, same exact thing happened to me last fall with my now ex wife. Even some of the same excuses! I'd give you more opinions and past experience info in mail but your setting does not allow me to send you a message. Throw me a mail if you want to discuss this further. At any rate BEST OF LUCK! I know exactly where you are coming from, though you are not likely to listen to some of the harsher advice given here. I hope I am wrong!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Second chances Posted: 4/7/2009 12:12:35 PM
They probably do it because of thier own insecurity. They start the setup for dropping you while they have another potential replacement on the line, if you jump the gun and do the dumping(or find out about the looking/cheating) before thier replacement is nailed down then they will often do this backtracking game. 2nd chances seldom work out. I've seldom given anyone I was in any kind of relationship a 2nd chance regardless of my personal feelings. My dumbass gave my ex wife a 2nd chance after an affair she had on me, and since I am not perfect or something she divorces me a few months later to move across country to be with some guy she met on the net without actually meeting. I've learned my lessons in years past but I honestly thought she was worth it lol! Live and learn!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Unusual bedroom requests Posted: 4/7/2009 11:44:28 AM
my bad, it's not auto-erotic. This kind of thing is not my cup of tea. But we all love to say "Willing to try anything at least once" and I was 19 and enjoying a weekend pass with a fellow soldier. I'd not do it again though, I think.... ;) "You have no idea how hard it is to try to screw somebody and kill them at the same time, very competing agendas." - Drew Hastings

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Unusual bedroom requests Posted: 4/7/2009 9:39:10 AM
Was in the middle of a 3 day one night stand when a woman I was with asked me if I was into auto-erotic axsphixiation. At the time I was clueless about it. I asked her what she wanted me to do. She wanted me to take the lamp chord out of the wall and choke her with it during sex. Well, I'm a pleaser....I don't care how pretty a girl looks, you start strangling them and they turn Smurf color that just aint sexy. It was all I could to do stay hard. She gave me a "safe word". About 10 minutes into it I thought I heard her say something but it didn't really sound like the safe word. Was not sure. Finally she tapped out and I took that as a sign. She came to a couple minutes later, apparently she HAD orgasm as she started to pass out. She was so happy. I was....disturbed. Not done it since!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Why do all guys over 50 have facial hair? Posted: 4/6/2009 4:55:40 PM
Probably to hide wrinkles, skin blemishes or scars. That and, Patrick Stewart aside, you don't see too many older male celbrities sporting no facial hair and looking good for it. Look at that dude from house - hot. Mel Gibson - not hot! Yeah, facial hair a turn off for me too. I remember back in the day(which was a Wednesday)I had a girlfriend who would bleach her mustache. I finally had to tell her "Hun, I don't have a problem with the COLOR or your mustache". The blonde goatee didn't look any better...

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 67 (view)

Whatever happened to Honesty Posted: 4/6/2009 4:49:32 PM
Honesty has been outsourced to New Dehli. Please stand by while we connect you to the new trait - ECOCENTRICITY! But wait, if you act now we'll throw in selfishness, unccountability, and deception at not extra charge, just pay shipping & handling + a conciounce demotion surcharge!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Men receiving oral Posted: 4/6/2009 4:47:09 PM
It's all about attitude! I prefer it to be swallowed unless I have a decent orgasm(rarely from getting head to tell the truth) in which case they have to guzzle or let some escape. I prefer not to see a woman spitting or gargling in my cum. I am sure it is the same on the other side of the fence. It's really not an issue much for me though cause I seldom allow my GF to get me to cum in her mouth, I'm usually pounding her cervix by that time ;)

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

How rare are really good Lovers? Posted: 4/5/2009 7:59:00 AM
Like some have posted it depends on the compatibility and sexual comfort of the two lovers. If I am allowed to pay attention without talk getting in the way I tend to enjoy it more, as does the partner. I dont mind dirty talk but it has it's limits. The better we're able to enjoy all our senses the better. Really good lovers are few and far between. I've had 3 out of over 35 partners. I am lucky to be with one such person now and I aint letting her go! All it takes for ANY man to be an adequate lover is to a) have a pulse b) not bee too selfish and not be a 2 minute wonder c)confidence d) ability to change pace/technique. Far as I know an man meeting those qualifications will most likely not suck, even if he has a mini-me weiner!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Steam shower - sauna after working out? Posted: 4/4/2009 4:59:56 PM
I would definatly not recommend a sauna right after a workout. Your heartrate stays elevated after a workout especially if you do cardio as part of workout. You'd want to wait until your heartrate is back to resting and be hydrated.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 28 (view)

Drinking the old 2 litres of water daily Posted: 4/4/2009 5:32:45 AM
I drink a good amount of water nowadays. I also drink about 20oz fruit juice a day on average. I do not think it to be on the 1 gallon per day scale but I resent being told if I DON'T I am not healthy. My urine looks/smells just fine thank you!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Whatever happened to Honesty Posted: 4/3/2009 1:30:21 PM
Lord please just create more Honest people with a level head on their shoulders OP! Even if the Lord hears your prayer that would be considered cradle robbing, litterally! Hey BCLVR - DAMMMN, I thought I got screwed. Your ex needs to have her tubes tied, join a nunnery, and get some phsycho therapy. Reminds me of my first ex, her name wouldn't happen to be Lori would it? lol!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Devices for the Deed Itself..... Posted: 4/3/2009 1:07:43 PM
Do I know of any other items to assist in the deed itself? Sure. My right thumb.

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Fascinating Ways to Orgasm Posted: 4/3/2009 1:05:48 PM
Well, I've talked a woman into orgasm but I prefer full body contact stimulating all of the senses /shrug if you tried that focus your energy stuff on me i might jump up and focus my energy somewhere else Lol! I hear ya. I've done the not moving at all and muscle thing with partners, I get bored fast and move right along, literally!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Losing an ex to the internet/desire to be a parent Posted: 4/3/2009 12:59:20 PM
First of all, I did not pay for gold membership. It was dumped on me and a lot of others without asking. If you actually READ 1st line of my profile you'd know that. Secondly, I have chosen to be the provider for my daughter and myself. I have had my career since before she was born. Why am I considered the selfish one. I pay more in Child support a month for her than I do mortgage. He mom dose not work. I provide the medical and dental benefits, he mom is on state assistance. I am in the place where my Daughter was born. Her mom is in the place where she lived a whole 6 months of her life before because she does not like the cold. She is far S.E. Oklahoma. Least while my daughter was here last year she had two parenting role models and better schooling and LOT more attention. I looked into several times over the years for posistions in my company near that area to no avail. If I had found one I would have taken seniority loss and pay cut but was considering it. And I am the bad guy for looking out for my daughter's best interest? Flame on in ignorance. Back to the topic, my question was what things should I keep an eye out for and use as basis for decision on possibly having a child down the road. Oh, by the way some posters said I was playing the field like my ex? How in the nine hells did you reach that conclusion? I am loyal to my GF, if she had not been open minded to maybe having a child or adopting down the road I'd have to take that into consideration. But she is. The whole reason I posted this topic was I read a thread regarding the couple who split after the man found out his gf was a former hermaphrodite. Lots of people mentioned she should have been more open early on. I beleive in that. It gave me idea to post my situation and questions. I am very open with my GF. One more person quetions my commitment to her they gonna get a wedgie!!!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Losing an ex to the internet/desire to be a parent Posted: 4/3/2009 12:37:43 AM
Whatever you do, keep the lines of communication open with her and let her always feel that she has a place in your home. She may take you up on it one day. My daughter did try to take me up on that last year when her mom dumped her off on my doorstep for 6 months(her mom has had 4 kid since our daughter). I financed a lawyer, lost reversal of custody challenge. Don't get me started on some states bias vs fathers....Her mother left me during military deployment while stationed overseas 10 years ago. She did not return to our town of record citing she hates the cold. I had to return to my current town because my civilian career was protected federally while I served and it is not a career you just walk into. I've been badgered to quite my career and go pluck chickens or something down there(deliverance country) and she'd not ask for child support so our daughter would have both parents around. My response, great - give up my career and means to support to be in an area I hate and once she leaves home I'd be stuck there, plucking chickens. Landra, I'd not use my GF just to have a child. This is down the road... GF is 35, I am 38. She likes the idea of MAYBE having a child with me. Neither of us is saying we must though. We'd definatly want some prerequisates and goals met before trying to have a child. We're quite rational about it. Currently, besides our direct relationship work, we are observing bonding between her kids and I. Grrr, this all sounds just analytical but it's not just that!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Losing an ex to the internet/desire to be a parent Posted: 4/2/2009 2:35:47 PM
Korky - my gfs daughter is 15, son 11yo. Thier own father is 15 miles away, they were married 15 years. He has nothing to do with them. I honestly wish he was not such a loser and WOULD show interest in his own kids. My own daughter is 14 and 950 miles away and I'd do just about anything to have her closer to me and be more involved in her instead of every other holiday and some of the Summer. I don't get parents like thier father, I really don't. My GF is definatly not a whack job and is in no way like my ex. Shes's proven to me time after time she is worthy of my heart and devotion as I have for her. We are on a good track. It's weird how we always finish each other's sentences, mentaly on same track. Anyways, thanks for the advice. I don't want to be retired if/when any future child graduates high school.

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

GF won't stop hanging out with EX's!! Posted: 4/2/2009 2:26:55 PM
You AND your future ex gf BOTH have issues. Do all a favor, break up. She is not worth your time and you obviously are not worth her time or commitment. I visit my ex wife's mother several times a week. She lives in my town, ex wife is across the country. My GF is cool with that expecially I am the only "family" my ex mother in law has within 90 miles of her. That being said, out of a sense of propriety and respect we never speak about her daughter/my ex. It's inappropriate. That your "gf" is hanging around a lot of exes tells me she may have some insecurity issues and/or problems letting things go. Then again, maybe she just likes hanging around guys she is comfortable with. Either way, being around these guys too much is disrespectful and selfish to you. LTRs SUCK! You obviously can't handle it, maybe she can't either. I mean what is it that even keeps you two together? Your fears of her cheating are not unfounded. She IS cheating even if not having sex with them. Anytime you are putting in energy/emotions/activities with someone or something that is normally reserved for your SO it is cheating. A porn addict cheats on her/his SO with porn, an acoholic cheats on her/his so with booze, a Harely Davidson collector/addict cheats on her/his so with bikes. You get my point. Ditch the girl, but do not make the mistake in thinking the issues are all her. I must admit that if I was in identical situation as you described I'd have cut things off and moved on with my life alone. Life is too short to be living in a mistake. Trust me!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Losing an ex to the internet/desire to be a parent Posted: 4/2/2009 2:14:06 PM
I know my topic is not new to many here but here goes: Met a woman, dated and lived together for 2 years then married. She met some married guy in Second Life(tm) who lived 600 miles away. She fell "in love" with him. They met in RL and slept together one weekend. While I was trying to encourage healthy activities with my wife she resisted during the buildup to this. She had her affair 5 days after my Dad passed away as I was preparing to fly out for memorial, my back was turned and was dealing with a lot of sorrow. Luckily I did not learn of the affair for a month. Despite common sense I felt 8 years together in a relativly healthy marraige I worked to reconcile and she concurred. 3 wonderful months of marriage counselling and healthy married life later she goes cold on me overnight, files for divorce the next week. 1 week after divorce she moves 2k miles away to New York to live with some guy she met online thru Second Life(tm) again but had not met in real life previously. The motivation for divorce was then clear to me only after the fact. Needless to say, I felt very foolish for putting my neck out again, and my ego was definately bruised. I was a good husband, friend, provider, sexual partner. More than that, we learned of her infertility a couple years in and I worked through that out of love for her. I suspect her infertilty will continue to affect her deeply. Now I am divorced, 8 years older than I was when I met her and would still love to have a child but at 38 years old I am starting to feel my age, so to speak. Regrets for not seeing ex for what she turned into. I did the right thing, standing by her but am feeling regret for those lost potential parenting years. I have a wonderful Girlfriend now who is twice the woman my ex ever was. She has a 15 and 11 year old. I suppose I can live my parenting through them but is it selfish to seriously still ponder eventually having a child with my GF after marraige? What kind of issues, given my past marraige, should I keep an eye out on? Trust is not really an issue, though it should be in my situation!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

My Friend, Girlfriend was borne with a Mr. Winkler! Posted: 4/2/2009 1:54:47 PM
Teresa, I am sorry for the loss of your son. It does remind us to keep some things in perspective. I think so many people try to look thick skinned but once something like disclosure of a previous condition such as being a hermaphrodite or finding out a partner is terminally ill shows us how shallow people can really be. Should she have divulged this to him? I think so, especially after fertility questions came into play. It's funny how we'll treat a person who has or had a condition beyond thier control the same as a person who finds out thier partner is bi, gay, gets an abortion, or abuses alcohol/drugs. These are mostly lifestyle decisions that are just that, decisions! She was BORN that way and it was fixed! I agree with some posts stating empathy is damn near dead. I would hazard a guess that if this "friend" is a somewhat decent person the bigger issue is fertility, not her previous condition. Maybe some let down from not being told sooner. Was with my ex 8 years. 3 years in we were fertility tested. I passed with flying colors, she had deformed tubes rendering her effectivly infertile they would not even consider invitro if we could afford it cause it would most likely become a tubal. It was hard on our marriage for both of us. I did not, however, consider setting her aside. I loved her very much. The divorce was due to some infidelity on her part but she listed "inabilty to produce offspring" as one of the causes for divorce. Infertility is rough on a couple but I feel no guilt, I chose to not let that diminish my love and support for my ex while we remained married. I would not have minded adoption. I do think the infertility has her messed up inside but that is an issue for her and the man she met online and divorced me for to move to New York before even meeting him to handle, not me! Like I said, she's messed up lol!

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Ex-husband... Posted: 4/2/2009 12:40:25 PM
I am over my ex wife. The nature of her leaving me for a stranger online and some other things left some pretty good battle damage. I was a god and faithful husband. Anyways, my GF is touchy when ex wife brought up for fear that I am not over her. Keeps saying maybe I still love or care for ex. Explaining that the thought of seeing my ex or her touching me makes me physically nautious apparently is not enough of a comfort. I don't dwell on the ex though, I've got much better things to do but living the the house I bought for 5 years of the 8 years with the ex does occasionally leave it's mark on me and household ideas... I've over her and memories faed mostly, but yes I am still licking my wounds a little.

Redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

Sexual fantasy/desire vs. Politics Posted: 4/2/2009 12:19:19 PM
First, I have always kept my politics and sexual views seperate because I keep getting the two confused. A girlfriend of mine recently asked me what my views on the Middle East were. I replied, "I enjoyed it alot but it made my girlfriend's back sore!" A guy into rough sex like choking somehow turns you on? But dear, that is degrading! Your fellow feminists would shun you for following your natural passions. God forbid! Hun, the world is not only a male influenced male society, check into the demasculation of the males for your counter! I am convinced the metro is a by-product of feminism gone bad. Follow your naural passions, funny how lesbians and gays would tell you this in a heartbeat but, when you are strait and feminist they do more to supress the female than the male. At least, that is what I see alot of. I googled and wiki female ejaculation last week for research on my girlfriend's "waterfalls" and was AMAZED that in the wiki section many feminists do not beleive in female orgasm or ejaculation and also state ejaculation is just a male term and men are trying to somehow neutralize the woman by using the term ejaculation. Call it what you will, I know what I see when my GF gushes all over my bed! HOW can so many women deny the gspot orgasm? Again, sexual intimacy is in part animalistic. In fact, based on your politcal views I feel that kind of passion is maybe the only type of sex you may be able to fully enjoy. Taking politics to bed = not good! I could be wrong but at very least the animalistic/purely physical is the best turn on for you. Why deny it? Why question it. Enjoy it! That's an order soldier!

redlance71

Joined: 2/2/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Fed up with sex... Posted: 4/1/2009 9:29:37 PM
Okay man what extra stuff you putting in the bong? I'm not preaching. I face my reality and if you had half as shitty a year as I did last 12 months you'd probably put a bullet in your brain yet I STILL take time to "preach" aka respond to posts and occasionally create a topic. If you do just 1 joint a week the THC will mess up your cirulation and bring testosterone down. You getting man boobs yet? If so, lay off the weed. I'd have to question anyone who has enough leisure time and need to be doing "recreational pharmaceuticals" regularly making more money than me unless he/she is born into money or family buisness. Sorry. So your friends like you, that make you special? My friends like me too. Let's call this a wash, some of your statments are as unintelligible as your point... And yes, I am truly glad you are not out procreating. Guys wasted on drugs or excessive alcohol more likely to have defective sperm = more birth defects. Smoke one for me man, I've got my call for work!!!

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