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Thread: He can't afford to date you!

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

He can't afford to date you! Posted: 10/21/2009 5:34:54 PM
jsphn11 - do you think "the traits that make a man successful" are evidenced only by material accumulations? "In most cases intelligent, energetic, decisive, etc. men have cars, homes, and good jobs." Is the definition of a "good job" based only on salary? Farceur's comment about the moral arguments against working only to pile up wealth resonates with me. I am in one of the helping professions, and my attention typically is drawn to women in such professions. They are more likely to have the personality traits that I'm attracted to. For that matter, so are women who have devoted a substantial part of their adult years to raising children instead of grasping for the brass ring.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 393 (view)

Decent guys: are they all either taken or gay? Posted: 10/19/2009 4:56:23 PM
msg.#385: south"est" Florida? Were you in California in the sixties, perchance? I looked up your location to see whether you meant southeast or southwest, and after reading it I see your problem. I've been here only a year, but the impression I get is that SE Florida - especially the big cities - is a very plastic and materialistic society. If what a number of people have told me is at all representative, it seems that a lot of "decent" people have moved up to my area to get away from the WPB-Miami megalopolis. I like to think of myself as a decent guy, but you WOULD have to bring up the insanity issue. There's no such thing as perfection, you know.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

pre-nups Posted: 10/10/2009 9:21:31 AM
From msg. #55: "Things change and the one that loved you so much suddenly no longer does and then theirs the attorney putting BS in her head..." Wow. This is an almost exact description of what happened to me, especially the attorney part. I'm not sure what my opinion on pre-nups is. I believe I have the ability to trust a prospective marriage partner implicitly; but after my experience I don't know if I can ever regain full trust in the justice system. To me, a pre-nup would make the most sense in cases where one or both partners has children from a prior marriage; a document safeguarding their interests would head off insecurity (at least in the financial sense) they might feel over their parent marrying again. I would be willing to respectfully discuss the pre-nup issue if an SO wanted to bring it up. In the posts mentioning property inheritance or division, one issue I haven't seen brought up is the uniqueness of some property. I have no problem whatever with arrangements that ensure the passage of family heirlooms to the biological relatives of my wife, were I to marry again at this stage of life. For that matter, I think it would be most conducive to basing a new midlife marriage on love alone to simply decide that everything of major financial or sentimental value owned at the time of marriage will go to each spouse's children/heirs, and that marital assets will be what the new couple acquires together. That way, the new marriage would truly start with a clean slate.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Looking for a review of my profile Posted: 10/4/2009 1:23:46 PM
I see no men have replied yet, so I'll add my two cents. The sentence about liking your life sounds positive and upbeat, but some men reading it might think that you have everything just the way you want it. Many men who are interested in a relationship want to feel that they have something to contribute that will be appreciated. I suggest adding some form of an invitation, such as "Care to join me?" or "I have a great life and am looking for someone to share it with." Also, you would be better off ditching the phrase "my perfect match" because even in this rather innocuous instance using the word "perfect" can give the impression that you have an ideal standard that ordinary mortals can't measure up to. Saying something like "I am attracted to men who are" blah blah blah is more likely to make the men who have those qualifications be willing to write you instead of thinking to themselves that they don't have a chance and therefore their efforts will be wasted. Serious people - those who take the time to write personal letters instead of sending generic mass messages - are not only looking for someone they like but someone who they think they may have a realistic chance with.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 127 (view)

Where have all the nice guys gone? Posted: 9/26/2009 5:57:59 PM
Exciting1, I think you should be commeded for all the effort you went to for that guy in terms of showing him what you look like. Many women in my area, in my age range, don't post a pic at all or post a blurry or shadowy one. If any woman went to as much trouble as that to disclose her appearance to me before a meet, I would show my appreciation by trying my best to make her time spent with me as pleasant an experience as possible, whether I felt any attraction to her or not.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Article On Mature Ladies and Dating. Posted: 9/11/2009 3:22:48 PM
"Ive always been upfront with my desire to find a partner.....happiness and fulfillment on a more wide reaching level would for me anyway, come through being in partnership and sharing my life with a man." A big to you, Sweetest. I fully agree with your thinking (except the man part, of course), and when I read profiles I look for women who talk about wanting to share their life rather than going on about how much they enjoy their independence. If I had been content to be someone's "gentleman companion" or hangout buddy I would be long gone from POF by now. I'm holding out for a serious LTR. Does that mean I should get me a gold button?

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Lotsa views, no takers Posted: 8/10/2009 7:20:15 PM
I just read the updated profile. Tom Selleck & Co. are no longer on the screen, so one possible response-dampener has been eliminated. The new version has one major flaw that, even if you don't mean to be negative, could be driving men away. You say that you don't want children, and then mention your disabled son who evidently needs a lot of your attention. The "doesn't want children" is ambiguous - it can mean you don't want to have any more of your own, or it can mean you won't accept dependent stepchildren. The low end of your age limit is 43. I'm guessing that few men that age who are fathers don't have at least one child under 18. If a man with a child, or children, still at home reads that you don't want children and have a disabled child of your own, he could conclude that you think you have your hands full and therefore won't accept his brood. That line of thinking would cause him to pass you by after viewing your profile. I suggest you clarify your position on possible stepchildren just in case you are losing some good prospects with your current wording.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 34 (view)

Must the goal be 24/7 in a committed relationship? Posted: 7/4/2009 8:03:50 AM
I think all of us can make up our own minds about the definition of a committed relationship - the trick is to find someone else to agree. If my relationship goal was a committed, exclusive relationship while living in separate houses and not marrying, I wouldn't still be on a dating site. It seems that is what more and more women in my age bracket want. However, that isn't what I want. My relationship goal is to have a true partnership, a shared life, with one who is my "best friend and lover" (a cliche, but true in my case) - and for me that is achieved by living together in marriage. I agree with the point that many people ruin budding relationships by rushing the closeness; that is why I have a "friends first" approach. Recently I replaced "long term" with "friends" on my profile as an experiment to see if I will attract someone whose thinking is more in line with mine. Msg. 10 beautifully encapsulated my thoughts in this one sentence: "When the relationship and timing are right, couples develop 'our way' that works for the two of them." Msg. 10 and Msg. 20 both point out that romance can be found in sharing the day-to-day responsibilities and even the nitty-gritty chores of life, not just in the exciting and adventurous experiences that usually comprise dating encounters. I have lived by myself for three years, which is long enough to decide that I want something different. An "our way" with the right partner, a relationship of continuously giving and receiving and sharing a mutual life vision, would be satisfying and fulfilling on a level that a "my way" never can be.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

Where are the decent women looking for long term at? Posted: 7/3/2009 7:25:15 PM
forum101: "He really isnt interested in my interests, we really have nothing in common. He becomes the selfish, shallow man he always was." Have you ever been interested in his interests? For a successful relationship, it has to go both ways. If you have tried and he hasn't reciprocated, you have a valid complaint. You know, choosing to date someone based on at least a few common interests would avoid the situation you are describing - and then you wouldn't have to resort to calling a man selfish because he didn't pay attention to your interests. I thought that's why POF has a profile section for mentioning interests and hobbies. Personally, I take a pass on all profiles in which the major interests listed don't match at least one of mine. I won't go on a date, or even a meet, and fake compatibility where none exists.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Why am I still Single?? Posted: 6/24/2009 12:27:50 PM
I don't find the OP's statement at all denigrating to those with a different opinion; however, it does sound somewhat negative. OP, you should think about how to state your relationship goals and standards clearly but use all positive language ("this is what works for me" or something like that) and avoid being argumentative. If you are upfront about your requirements you will attract the attention of those who are on the same wavelength. If the majority passes you by, so what? Personally, I would rather be compatible than popular.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Am I old fashion???? Posted: 6/24/2009 5:20:32 AM
Goldie50, I didn't see anything suggestive in your profile, and certainly not in your photos; so I think the problem is your end of the pond rather than you. Saying you aren't outdoorsy will cause some to lose interest (I would, based on that, if I was in your area) - but that's your choice and you're certainly entitled to make it. As for being old-fashioned in the physical area, I think I'm with qtful22 in the "ancient" category. (I see nothing wrong with your explanation of your boundaries, BTW.) More than once a woman who iniated contact with me has met me and then decided that I'm "emotionally unavailable" (one even said that to my face) because I didn't try to romance her or put any moves on her. I'm a "friends first" type, and I just can't meet a stranger and immediately try to sweep her off her feet verbally and then try to iniate some form of physical affection. It seems fake to me unless I get to know her first. Although my goal is a long-term relationship, recently I changed it to "Friends" on my profile to see if it changes the types of women showing interest in me, or wanting to respond if I email them. I do crockpot relationships, not microwave ones.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 2497 (view)

Profile Vagueness Posted: 4/25/2009 2:37:14 PM
"Women are also between a rock and a hard place as to what to include or omit from thier profiles." Well, most of the ones I've read up on don't seem to be, because they list specific activities and hobbies in their profiles. You say your interests are "many and varied" without listing a single specfic example - so no one doing a word search for profiles mentioning a particular interest will find yours. Also, you say you are looking for "Talk/Email" - not a popular category, I suspect. Some guys may want to be chat buddies, but bear in mind that most men are not so "verbal" and are probably on here to meet someone in person.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 140 (view)

Men who refuse to date women thier own age an older.why? Posted: 4/25/2009 1:54:11 PM
Thank you, monfil (#134) for defending older parents. I didn't become a parent until I was in my late 30's, and of course was in the minority among parents I saw at school functions. No one has ever questioned (to my face, at least) my physical stamina to be a parent at my age; and, from an emotional maturity standpoint, I think I've been a better parent than I would have if I had started in my early 20's. One problem with the idea of restricting my dating to women my own age - not to mention older - is that many of them have children who have long since grown up and left, and these women are not in the same life phase as I am. I've even found a number of profiles that specify an unwillingness to date men with children under 18, living at home, or even under 21. For me compatibility, including compatibility of family structures, is more important than age. That said, I'm more attracted to mature women (roughly 45+) than the younger ones. There are a lot of very attractive mature women in the pond!

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 63 (view)

Discouraged Posted: 4/22/2009 7:28:02 PM
#16: "...dont get discouraged...get reinventive!" - best piece of advice on this entire thread! I read the OP's profile text (pics are gone now), and I think I can see why a number of men may just "glance" and then decide she's not compatible with them. She describes herself as "a few extra pounds" - at which point a certain % of her audience will stop reading. (It is what it is.) Those interested enough to continue will, if they think like me, read the list of her interests and make these mental notes: music (SIT) movies (SIT) computer games (SIT) dining (SIT) reading (SIT) concerts (SIT) (No outdoor sports or recreational activities are listed.) Notice a pattern here? Some readers, who knows how many, will make the equation "a few extra pounds + mostly sitting interests = couch potato." However unfair to the OP that may be, I think this train of thought may have been going through many minds. Most men her age who are in decent health are looking to date someone who is more active than this profile indicates. Dancing is good exercise; however, it is well known that dancing is of much less interest to most men than a day of fun (and at least a modicum of sweat) in the sun. In the spirit of getting reinventive, I suggest that the OP - and the other women posting here saying they have difficulty attracting interest - reexamine their stated interests and make their lists more guy-friendly. It couldn't hurt to try it.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Review please Posted: 4/13/2009 11:10:24 AM
Since there are no responses from men yet, I'll give one. Bear in mind that my comments are not personal, they are an attempt to help you attract more attention and avoid certain pitfalls. To get more views, you need to have a primary photo with more "man appeal." Sorry to say it, but to many men a photo of a woman with her glasses on sends "nerd" as a message. Photo #7 (the sunglasses one) is the best of the lot in terms of instant visual appeal. The profile text unfortunately begins with one glaring mistake. NEVER tell men upfront that you have a teenager who crashed a car! Delete that, and find something more flattering to say about your son (I'm sure you can). Also, you should tell readers about your son AFTER you tell them about yourself - the focus is supposed to be on you, so tell all about yourself first and put the text about your son after that. One possible reason for few views is that your list of interests has only one sport - a spectator one for you, I assume - and no recreational activities. I certainly don't intend to be mean, but I have to tell you candidly that describing yourself as "a few extra pounds" puts you at a first-impression disadvantage and needs to be counterbalanced by some evidence that you lead a healthy and active life. Whether they admit it or not, most men dread the prospect of involvement with an overweight couch potato. Convince them that they have nothing to fear. Finally, you need to say something particular about what kind of men you are looking for. If you say you have no definite preferences, you convey the message that anyone with a pulse will do. To contact you, a man needs to know two things: 1) that you have standards and he meets them, and 2) that there is enough of a likelihood of compatibility existing to warrant him sticking his neck out with an email. It's not much fun to contact a woman, arrange a meeting, and then be told that you're not really her type after all. (That was my first POF experience, by the way.) Hope this helps.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Can we have too much pride? or is it that we are conceited fools? Posted: 4/9/2009 8:29:57 PM
Thanks, gaddflye, for your observation on the different levels of pride. I think there is a connection between inappropiate levels of pride and the unstable emotional state many people find themselves going through immediately after a divorce. Those who put on a defiant attitude ("I'm better than that no-good #*%$ and everyone better treat me as I deserve or they'll be sorry") or who think of dating solely in terms of "getting some" are displaying excessive pride. Those who feel cast off and unvalued, or who feel they are failures and are ashamed, are displaying too little pride. In each case the person with an inappropiate level of pride is ripe for rebound disaster. Only by taking time -alone- to understand ourselves, as gaddflye says, and recover (or, in some cases, gain) a healthy sense of self-worth can we reach the level of equilibrium he calls appropiate pride. "Appropiate pride in oneself leads to self confidence which most people find appealing in a person." I would add that one acid test of this self confidence is the ability to handle rejection with grace, neither getting down on oneself about it nor lashing out at those doing the rejecting, but retaining a sense of inner calm and the confidence to risk again. I am much newer in dating experience (only a few months) than most of you, and what I have described here I have been learning one step at a time. It is sad to read so many forum postings about emotional hurt from rejection. I hope what I've written here will be helpful to someone.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

Do You Ever Feel Like Your Shopping on POF? Posted: 4/3/2009 6:46:16 PM
How long does it take to move from being "new merchandise" to "clearance"? I've been here only a few weeks, and am wondering about my shelf life. Actually, I haven't done much looking since the first couple of weeks I was here. The gallery of photos in the periodic "matches" definitely gives this site a shopping atmosphere, which I don't really care for. Believe it or not, it isn't just about appearances. Probably I'm better off doing a search myself if I'm looking for someone to write to.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

How many connections have you made from this site? Posted: 3/30/2009 7:49:14 PM
BlueScorp, I'm also in Florida and I checked your location out of curiosity. I can't really say anything helpful, because I'm much older than you and on the other coast. For the short time I've been on here, this site has worked well for me. Recently I've stopped sending introductory emails out, because women have been contacting me first. Those I've met are nice people, whether anything has come of the meeting or not. So far my meetings have all had the "friends" tone to them, but that doesn't bother me because I don't believe in rushing into a relationship. Going out with women who approach me first is an easy way to meet people, but the downside for me is that I'm currently not being proactive about searching for someone special for the LT relationship my profile says is my goal.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

Self-Employed vs. Un-employed vs. Employed Posted: 3/28/2009 7:13:46 PM
Thanks, Don, for pointing out (msg. #30) the risks educators take by putting up profiles on this site. I'm not going to say that anyone is right or wrong in deciding what to reveal or leave blank about themselves; they have to go by what they're comfortable with doing. Because many women equate incomplete/photoless men's profiles with shadiness (however they define it), I decided to reveal my profession and to post a photo as evidence of my bonafides. I have taken a calculated risk in doing this. Hey, do you readers think that I should have had the option of posting a yellow smiley face surmounted by a halo and captioned "Serious Member" instead of posting a photo and risking identification by pranksters? Ladies, would you feel "chemistry" toward a smiley face? Or is it really all about the inner me?

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 1002 (view)

Intro! Posted: 3/17/2009 5:28:24 PM
I thought I had already posted an intro, but I don't see one. A few months ago I relocated from New England to the Treasure Coast. Last month I clicked on POF out of sheer curiosity, not knowing what I would find. The forum feature provides some interesting reading, not to mention laughs. My profile gives Long Term as my relationship goal, but I'm also open to making friends in my area and chat partners online if I find folks who share some of my interests.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 37 (view)

South Florida anyone? Posted: 3/12/2009 8:07:58 PM
In Vero, a/k/a Zero, Beach, lowering the average age of the population at this time of year!

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Profile help needed… I am getting looked at but no one is talking to me… All suggestions welcome.. Posted: 2/27/2009 5:40:24 PM
I took a look at your profile because I thought the non-response might be due to geography. Probably that's not the case, but I did notice that in some areas you aren't being specific enough to give some men an idea of whether you're their type. My opinions: Music - either give a few details (country, rock, hip-hip, etc.) or say you like all types. Children - while respecting your privacy, giving age ranges would be helpful. Some guys are OK with teenagers but not with small children; others don't want to deal with teenage drama. Age - even if you're not picky about your date's age, giving a preferred age range might spur some fence-sitters to think they have a shot and write to you. Activity - if what you wrote is you don't change it, but bear in mind that it comes across to a reader that you want to be on the go all the time, and the % of men who like this lifestyle is significantly smaller than the % of women (this is my conclusion based on conversations in real life as well as extensive forum-reading). Also, men in general are much less eager to go to live shows such as comedy clubs and theater than women are. What I've said is not meant to be a criticism, but an attempt to be helpful.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Attracting people our own age..... Why is it so difficult?? Posted: 2/21/2009 6:22:52 AM
One post here said that men over 45 often are looking for much younger women. I don't fit that stereotype, although my preference is for women in the general range of around 5 years younger. The primary reason is not appearance so much as it is life cycle: most women in their mid-fifties who are mothers have children around 30 and a bevy of grandchildren, and I can't relate to that family structure very well. Women in their late forties are much more likely to have children in the same age range as mine. Another reason is life goals: many of the women I have run across over the age of about 52 or so seem to be aiming, or at least wishing, for a man who is "successful" or semi-retired and who has the time and means for extensive foreign travel. I am not that man. My priorities seem to be much more in line with those of women younger than me. However, I appreciate maturity, and therefore am primarily attracted to women over 45. As for where to find men in our age bracket in real life, bear in mind that there are some (like me) who have recently moved, or are not social butterflies, and therefore don't circulate much outside of work. Activity or hobby groups are probably the best bet. I have to be candid and admit that attractiveness plays a role in influencing my interest, so I agree with the poster advising women to keep themselves up. If you think about it, taking care of yourself physically AND mentally is good health, not just trying to attract men's attention. I don't agree with the guy who said anything over 160 lbs. is too much weight for a woman. Arbitrary weight limits are senseless. What should matter most is good h/w proportionality; also stamina (ability to be at least moderately active). Don't despair, ladies: those of us who appreciate you for you exist, even if we may be hard to find.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Now accepting constructive critiques Posted: 2/19/2009 7:06:03 PM
After taking a look at your profile and trying to search back through the cobwebbed corridors of my memory to when I was your age, I've come up with a couple of suggestions based on what I think guys in your age range might be concerned about. First, although you are rightfully proud of your 3.97 GPA, I suggest omitting it on a dating profile because to some guys it may come across as competitive bragging. You can always bring that up later in personal conversation. Second, I really think you should consider including a sentence that indicates your willingness to participate in, or learn, some hobbies or interests that your potential date has. The typical guy, in my opinion, doesn't like spending time with a date who is totally into her own stuff and shows no interest in his. A successful relationship involves tradeoffs: sometimes we'll do what you enjoy, sometimes we'll do what I enjoy. Hope this helps.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

I would enjoy a gentle review Posted: 2/18/2009 10:25:21 AM
I don't agree with msg.#11 on the off-topic issue. I think msg. #9 veered off-topic first by introducing a new thought ("you're not my type") into a discussion about the profile being reviewed. Regarding the issue of who is who's type, one way to tell is to look at the background of any pic that has one with other subjects in it. This is one reason for the importance of setting in any activity photos people choose to post along with their profile. I see nothing wrong with the current version of the profile, except that some men might not see the humor in being characterized as a "relic" by a woman who after all is looking for someone at least 10 years older than herself. She could get her point across in a more positive way by saying that she prefers men who are active and vigorous, or who take good care of themselves, or some such language. I see nothing at all wrong with having tight mail settings and with targeting a narrow segment of the POF population; I do those things also. The only caveat I would mention to Lavinia is that, by asking for someone who likes city living and high culture and who is OK with her dislike of vacation travel, she is eliminating the overwhelming majority of men because those are not at all typical male preferences. In fact, I have never in my life met a man under retirement age who disliked vacation travel unless he had a TV, WOW, or similar "couch potato" obsession.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 92 (view)

Moral Decay...Has It Affected Your Desire To Date? Posted: 2/15/2009 2:38:04 PM
Msg. 88: after glancing at your profile, I think that your location is a big part of your problem. I've met several people in my area who moved out of the WPB-Miami belt because they said they were fed up with living down there. I'm sure there are still many good people in your area, but I suspect most of them are already taken. FYI, it isn't just the men that are the problem in this part of the country. I think "acceptable" women are more numerous than their male counterparts, but they're still a distinct minority in the dating pool. Msg. 90: posting no pic probably is a big part of the reason for the limited response, but openly stating your relationship values in your profile probably does what you think it does. Just keep reminding yourself that one kernel of wheat is more valuable than a million dry husks. There are some of us who share your standards and respect a woman who has high standards and sticks to them. I hope you find some such in your area.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 178 (view)

why are men so rude to women, judging them by looks Posted: 2/14/2009 6:24:24 PM
I think I've just found the rare exception to nightwing's no-pic rule. I also live in Florida, and I'm well aware of the emphasis on looks - and MONEY - that is so pervasive here. I just joined this site this past week; and, when I did my first search and discovered that members appear on the screen with only photo boxes, used the favorite option to bookmark those who interested me so I could find them when I wished to message someone. Only two out of the dozen or so I favorited have no photo posted. Before I got around to emailing anyone, one lady on my favorite list sent a message. When I saw it in my inbox, my first thought was "just my luck that it's one of the no-photo ones." I opened it anyway, and to my surprise found not only a friendly and well-written message but an attached photo. It's an outdoor distance shot and I can't make out her face clearly, but at least I can tell she's not obese. She's 51, and as far as I can tell from the photo is attractive. I thought that she didn't post a photo with her profile for privacy reasons; but this thread brings up the possibility that she may have been somehow testing me. If so, then perhaps I passed a test when I favorited her. Sorry for the length of this post - I decided to write because I find what nightwing wrote interesting to ponder.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

OK - Roast me Posted: 2/14/2009 4:39:14 PM
abelian - I don't mean to nitpick, but you did ask for feedback concerning any possible grammatical or spelling errors. Looking at your sentence beginning "I prefer women with an athletic build," I think it is a run-on sentence. What do you think about inserting a semicolon after the word "build"? A semicolon at that place would serve to set off your point about defining a few extra pounds from the first clause in that sentence. On the whole, I find your writing much more humorous than my own. One minor suggestion: if you replace "take an aspirin" with "take a Valium", the humor in that sentence would have more of a bite. Just my opinion.

Joined: 2/10/2009

Msg: 131 (view)

women - glut on the market? Posted: 2/14/2009 8:39:40 AM
I agree that the overall ratio has little or no significance in each of our individual circumstances. Besides the already-mentioned geographic and attractiveness variables, however, ratios are further skewed by the variables of lifestyle (e.g., smoking or nonsmoking), relationship goals (long term vs. playing the field, etc.), and interest types. Obviously, the more specific one gets the smaller the pool of potentials will be. I'm new to this site (this is my first post), and am trying to figure out the site "culture". So far it seems that the social problems (esp. gender-bashing) I've encountered elsewhere are here also; but there are also enough positive folks around to make me think (so far) that I haven't wasted my time by coming here. I haven't noticed any "glut" of available women in my age range where I am - but I'm not a lounge lizard, so I wouldn't know. I have no problem with people having restrictive standards, but I think expecting perfection is unreasonable. For me, having the ability and motivation to overcome problems is more desirable than (supposedly) not having any problems.

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