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fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Interested in your thoughts about this... Posted: 11/16/2009 7:23:43 PM
last night cop came up to me and told me that she dont want me calling her or visiting her work.I stopped all contact from her. No calls no visits nothing at all. I havent seen this girl in 3 weeks now. I really want to go to ask her to give me few minutes of her time and talk with me. I don't see any harm in doing that is there? Um...yes...there is a problem with that. It's called harassment. She is sending you a VERY CLEAR message here...leave her alone. You may have your rationale for your behavior, but to her and the rest of the world you appear desperate and needy. Complete turn off for women of any age. Walk away from this one and go get your life (and your self confidence) back on track. One other item...sorry to be so cliche, but you are young. There are TONS of fish in the sea. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

dumped on facebook Posted: 11/16/2009 7:07:50 PM
I just think it is cowardly. What happened to the days when men were men? I have more guts than most men do honestly.... Be a man, eh? OK...we'll stop breaking up by email when some of y'all can act like a lady (which might be why we broke up with you in the first place). Fair's fair, right? You can drop the sexist flame war right here and now...both sexes are guilty of this sort of breakup. A quick search of the forums will prove this out. Want a quick history lesson? Go look up the origins of the 'Dear John' letter. It is sad, but there are times when an email and no contact afterward is the ONLY way to get the message across. In most cases I have done the right thing and broken off face-to-face. But...there have been a couple of women I've dated that were great on first impression, but later turned out to have their drama dialed up on HIGH 24X7. It's one of my red flags....in my experience this type will NOT take no for an answer. Better...and SAFER in some cases...to break up from afar. I'll quickly add that I do not know all the particulars of OP's situation. For all I know, she deserved what she got. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 26 (view)

How would you take this? Posted: 11/16/2009 8:40:50 AM
Walk away. You are an option. Never make someone a priority in your life when you are only an option in theirs. You cannot be friends with someone you are romantically inclined / attached to. You won't be able to deal with a friendship with this man. BTW...once in the friend zone...always in the friend zone. Walk away from this one. PS...no contact after breakup...and that also means no profiles / blogs / etc etc etc. Maintaining contact just lets him know that you're willing to accept second class treatment. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

when i say I love you I mean it .some people just say it Posted: 11/16/2009 8:33:01 AM
Yes it hurts...the truth is going to hurt just a wee bit more... You were not played dear. He had this big red flag flying for you (his drinking), but you chose to attempt to build a relationship anyway. You were not played...you made a bad choice. Sorry for your pain...hope you choose better next time. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 45 (view)

The one you love has a new love.... Posted: 11/16/2009 8:28:09 AM
Dear dear dear...you've been in the POF forums long enough to know better: You broke up for a reason...remember the reason. Once in the friend zone...always in the friend zone. You cannot be friends with someone you are romantically inclined / attached to. No contact after breakup...and that also means no profiles / blogs / etc etc etc. Finally...writing a pity post in the forums is going to get you some negative comments. Deal with it. I agree with Landra...dance lessons are awesome. Go learn the two-step and I promise that you can find a dance partner anywhere in America. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Why does this keep happening to me? Posted: 10/29/2009 9:15:43 AM
Yeah...agree with everyone else here. You are the common denominator, and you are falling WAY too quickly. Might want to step back and work on your self esteem a little bit...falling head over heels first time out just means you are needy and lack self confidence. You become a doormat for these girls and they stomp all over you (because you LET them, BTW). Search this forum...lots of good suggestions for building your self confidence and self esteem. Try using the word 'doormat' as a search topic...you'll have dozens of hits. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

dudes my age(18-22), are we really wasting our time here like all these older dudes say? Posted: 10/20/2009 6:14:16 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Yeah...what she said ;) BTW...seems EVERYWHERE I go the ratio is 1:10. Make yourself be the 1 that stands out. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Obama and Medical Marijuana Posted: 10/19/2009 12:20:04 PM
I've always found it hilarious that those who scream loudest about state's rights often turn on a dime when it comes to federal prosecution of drug laws. The dichotomy is stunning...especially with medical marijuana laws. Anyway...this is a start. Our federal forces should concentrate on stuff that really matters i.e. terrorism. I find that a much bigger threat to America than cancer patients who smoke dope as part of their doctor-approved treatment plan. P.S. If you've never seen the effects of marijuana on a cancer patient...especially one going through a round of chemotherapy...it is truly a wonderful thing. They're able to actually eat and keep their food down, and good nutrition is essential to any course of healing. To many cancer patients, No Big Pharm drug can compete with the effectiveness of marijuana. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

POF Group Travel Posted: 10/12/2009 12:26:10 PM
I wouldn't be opposed to it. The problem becomes one of co-ordination. Having traveled extensively myself, I've learned that logistics becomes the barrier to any successful travel endeavor involving more than two people. So...who's going to volunteer to be the coordinator? Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Nicest or favorite vacation place in the US Posted: 10/12/2009 12:20:35 PM
Dillon, CO. Right smack in the middle of Keystone, Breckenrige, and Vail. Already planning a trip for spring skiing this year. P.S. Give me Keystone over Vail any day of the week. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Cheap eats in Vegas Posted: 10/11/2009 11:09:14 AM
Also I have heard from a buddie that you can pay about $20 and eat all day at a buffet and was curious if anyone else has heard of this? The $20 all-day buffet is at Circus Circus and is not too shabby, but it's not worth the cost if you plan to be out and about all day. Dozens of other cheap eating spots out there. Someone in Vegas told me that " the booze is watered down? Is this true? If they offer free booze, why not free food? No...the booze is not watered down. I enjoy Makers Mark and Knob Creek and could tell you INSTANTLY if they were watered down. Never experienced a watered down drink while at the craps table in any casino I've visited. I dont know if you know this but best time to buy cheap tickets for flights is roughly 10 - 21 days befor the flight after that they start to hike up the prices and befor that well prices are high aswell Travel for a living and my company allows me to book my own travel. I can tell you that your cheapest tickets are purchased 14-21 days prior. Prices really start going up if you book less than 2 weeks out. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Traveling by jet/Best and Worse Airport Posted: 10/11/2009 10:53:25 AM
Worst Airport: Sea-Tac- exterior of airport... not attractive. Interior of airport, outside of Security Check Point.. Old. LOL...you've obviously never been to Detroit ;) The old terminal (for anyone not flying Northwest) is as dilapidated as any I've ever seen. Best Airport: Portland International, Portland, Oregon- Exterior of airport very nice, interior of airport nice, lots of great shops. My home airport, and it has some of the best shops on the planet. Worse Airline: United Airline For me it's Delta. Short for "Doesn't Ever Leave The Airport". I've never flown them and not had a delay of some sort. Best Airline: Southwest United, with Alaska as a close second.

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Dealing with loss and moving on Posted: 10/8/2009 2:52:48 PM
I guess I am hoping that my next partner will understand why I dont want to totally forget her, and not feel jealous.... but just comfort me and understand. I know... not going to happen :) No...it's not going to happen. You might get lucky and find a sweetheart to comfort you, but if she's got any self esteem at all she will see that she's playing second fiddle to your now-deceased ex. You can say goodbye to another relationship at that point. This is up to you to fix. Write your letter...see a therapist...whatever it takes. Because you will not have a healthy relationship with another woman until you do. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 1371 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 10/8/2009 7:16:08 AM
You have a choice. You can discuss the anger and hurt, overcome it and regain what you lost. Or you can spend the next 2 or 3 or 4 years searching for someone until you convince yourself that being alone is just great knowing deep down inside all you'll be doing is lying to yourself. Whoa, sport. If you can't be happy all by yourself, then you certainly cannot be happy with somebody else. Looking for someone else to make you happy is a sure-fire way to be let down in the future. There are hundreds of posts in this forum that will prove this point out. Part of me is stilll angry and hurt at the way that he treated me. But another part acknowledges that until the end we were happy - and we both made mistakes: our break up wasn't entirely his fault. This shouldn't be an issue of guilt. You broke up for a reason, and I doubt guilt had anything to do with the breakup. It should have nothing to do with any reconciliation you pursue. It's OK to admit you made a mistake...but it's not OK for you to allow that mistake to cloud your judgment. It means you've not healed up yet... That's my take on it. Your mileage may vary... Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

He's engaged to be married. Posted: 10/8/2009 6:58:47 AM
I aked all the right questions and ignored the answers. There ya' go girl. Taking some responsibility is a GOOD thing. Hope you heal up soon. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

freinds with the ex Posted: 10/8/2009 6:35:06 AM
I used to feel that way, but I've found that maintaining ties to an ex means maintaining ties to the past. It means that you refuse to step away and take the necessary time to be alone...to take a good look at what you are and what you might need to improve upon to make the next relationship that much better. I have plenty of friends, so I don't need ex's to fill that void. There are one or two ex's that I'm cordial with, but that is because our social circles overlap in places. Of course...that's just my take on things. Your mileage may vary... Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

Lack of Kids Posted: 10/5/2009 7:31:36 PM
Am I the only guy on here that has noticed the amount of 40+yo women that don't have kids? I get not wanting kids or can't have kids but the others that don't raise a red flag for me or am I reading more into it than I should? I'm with the other guys...where the hell are you finding them? As for the red flag thing...that's a choice on your part to call that a red flag or not. I know my share of women who have not had kids...have no desire to...and they're well adjusted and doing just fine in life. Not a red flag for me. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 765 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 10/5/2009 4:38:31 PM
They all go through a change of life trying to act like they are 25 again,thats why they want 25 yr.old women size 3 because women our age can spot their their B/S a mile away. Funny they are so judgemental on women their own age yet they are bald( from nature not the razor) haven't seen their over- exaggerated male anatomy in years WTF is this all about? What the hell does this have to do with riding a motorcycle? in my opinion if theyve been bikers all their life thats cool!!!! But to never ride a bike their whole life then turn 45 buy a brand new bike and play the biker stud is a freakin' joke....Come On now be honest ,interesting and exciting men dont need a bike to allure the women A man with a modicum of self esteem would look you in the eye and say, "I didn't buy the bike for you, sweetheart!" And, if he's got more brains than sand in his head, he'd see your judgmental attitude and ride away as fast as possible. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

what right do they have?!? Posted: 9/25/2009 7:04:56 PM
Imagine the conversation James Madison : Hey Tommy ( Thomas Jefferson) your mother is Ugly and wears Army Boots Thomas Jefferson: You shall die for your insolence towards my family Uh huh...stop the story right there. Dueling was still the accepted form of settling questions of honor back then. One of these two wouldn't have been around to sign the paper. Wow...did this thread get hijacked or what? ;) Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Sick of being the second rate guy.. Posted: 9/25/2009 6:19:10 AM
Im always the second rate guy, its either i have a friend whos a girl and she likes me but prefer to date another guy yet im always there to help her if she needs it. And i dont mind that i like it but its like im the gay friend. If you know what i mean... Or im dating a girl and im giving her everything and anything i can and she still leaving me for her ex boyfriend or someone else. Im done with being the second rate guy i just want some that wants to be treated like a lover but can talk to as a friend. 1. Log onto Amazon.com 2. Grab a copy of 'No More Mr. Nice Guy' by Glover. Can be had for under US$10. 3. Start making some changes. You are what's called a 'doormat' nice guy. You ALLOW women to use you this way. You need to build on your self confidence and self respect. The book is not about going from nice guy to asshat...it's about improving your self esteem, and setting some healthy boundaries so that you are a doormat no more. Go get the book...minimal investment...long term returns. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Finally thought she loved me agian...only to have my heart ripped out and shit on then thrown away Posted: 9/21/2009 10:13:22 AM
What curlygrl said... Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 719 (view)

Why Are Over 45 Men In Love With Motorcycles? Posted: 9/21/2009 9:46:08 AM
How many Motorcycle accidents did you see? My guess is few if any. Ex EMT / nurse here. I've seen the results of DOZENS of motorcycle accidents in my life but that does not dissuade me from riding a motorcycle. Unless snow or icy conditions are in the forecast, every day is a day to ride. I've also seen the results of a few pedestrian and pedal-bike accidents as well. I'm not afraid to walk on the sidewalk as a result...I'm just more aware of my surroundings than before. Alcohol and inexperience are the leading causes of death for riders (and drivers in general) and has been for ages. Responsible drinking (in my case, not at all on a motorcycle), training, and proper equipment are the keys to staying safe while riding. My two cents (well, maybe three) Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

was anyone so angry at a x that they wanted revenge? if yes what happened? was it worth it? Posted: 9/20/2009 10:57:39 PM
Live well. The best revenge is to live well, and get everything you ever wanted in life. Live well in spite of the people that crap in your Post Toasties. Live well, and be generous with the people that took from you. Let them understand their mistake, and be reminded of it as you live well while totally moving beyond them. Don't know who wrote it, but i live by it. Hasn't failed me yet. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

pregnant and dumped by text Posted: 9/20/2009 10:50:27 PM
Was on the pill at the time anyway, and no accidently missed pills. They were taken right, never fail me in that last nine year, and then they did. I believe you. Both of my children were conceived when my (ex) wife was on the pill. After my second kid, my ex and I used condoms AND the pill until I got fixed. Your boy just wanted some nookie and was hoping the pill was enough. Get a lawyer and get paternity established as soon as the child is born. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Number of males postint broken hearts threads Posted: 9/20/2009 10:41:49 PM
No son, some men are just too stupid and unrealistic in their expectations , they ignore red flags and whines about being a " nice guy" most nice guys are saps, insecure what ever, and thinks the way to a woman's heart is to be her friend first, and they end up boring the woman to tears, forcing her to wave buh byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Ding ding ding...here's your winning answer right here.

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

my first relationship....over after a week. what happened? Posted: 9/20/2009 10:28:32 PM
Why are you asking this? You were just told why...she gets scared when she makes it 'official'. She's young, she likes to drink, she's still in party mode. Not quite good relationship material, y'know. Hey, we've all been through this. Take your time and be a little more picky. Relationships that start fast always end fast. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 21 (view)

My ex fiance contact me again, why??? Posted: 9/20/2009 10:01:37 PM
Amoreora, I'm just going to re-iterate a few points that have been covered up-thread here: 1. She apologized to clear her conscious. Period...end of story. How you feel about it is immaterial...she got what she wanted out of it. 2. She's playing with you. If I doubted it before, I don't after the note about her daughter wanting you to come cook. Your ex is GOOD...knows just which heartstrings to pull. Usually I don't talk to my ex's, but if I did and they tried to pluck old heartstrings, I'd be pissed. I'm not somebody to be played with for entertainment purposes. By your own admission, she's screwing with your head. Why are you doing this to yourself? Do yourself a favor...break off the contact again. Tell her "Thank you for dinner, sweetheart, but I'm not going to let you mess with my head (or my heart) ever again" Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Are you happy?? Posted: 9/11/2009 11:02:40 PM
uhh unhealthy thoughts i know but....its just one of those nights , ever happen to anyone else :( Um...yeah...but not after a year and a half. By that time I've found other things to occupy my time. Friends, family, fun. Too bad she's not there to enjoy them with me...but oh well. I'm happy and that's what really matters in this life. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 295 (view)

Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful? Posted: 9/11/2009 10:53:41 PM
Unsuccessful? Guess it's all about how you define success. "Success is the progressive realization of a worthwhile goal or dream" After the last heart-broken dating disaster, I had to look in a mirror and figure out what it was that * I * was doing wrong. To be successful at my next attempt, I had some stuff I had to address with myself. Boost the self confidence a bit. Be a little more patient. I can identify red flags a mile away, but I was kinda clingy and desperate and I chose to ignore them. Ugh...pathetic, I know. I've made a few changes and things are progressing along nicely so far. I've been the one doing the asking, and I've gone out on a few dates. They were not 100% what I was looking for and, because I've been working on ME and my self confidence, I didn't feel like it was a complete failure. They were good people...just not what I want right now. One of them is still a good friend to go to sushi with, so I consider that a win. It's all in how you look at success. If you are not getting the dates, ask yourself what YOU need to improve on. Make a plan to improve yourself, and measure your success that way first. My two cents (well, maybe three) Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 294 (view)

Anyone else feel like giving up because of being unsuccessful? Posted: 9/11/2009 10:53:01 PM
oops...double post...blame the nice glass of merlot and Mindi Abair ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

What am I doing wrong? Posted: 9/8/2009 10:05:25 PM
So now I question, have I just been meeting the wrong women, or am I doing something wrong? Both. You are meeting the wrong women...because you are choosing to be with the wrong women. This one is on you. I think you're just a little to desperate to be in a relationship and settle for whatever is at hand. I would also talk to a counselor about the resentment you harbor towards your mom. That resentment can be very easily transferred to another woman, and you'll really hate yourself if you chase off the right one in the future. If I were you, I'd not worry about dating for now. Nothing sucks more than worrying about a new flame back home when you're 10 hours away in the desert. Distractions in the desert are not good. Better get used to it. I had 14 bad ones out of 17. 14 out of 17 is a pretty high ratio...with you being the common denominator. What are you doing wrong? Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 30 (view)

I am straight but beginning to hate heterosexual males. Does that make any sense? Posted: 9/4/2009 2:43:06 PM
Why is this thread this guy started about hating men or something suddenly about a lady with a weight problem??? To the BBW, start your own thread instead of hijacking others please. Agree 100% Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

ex encounter Posted: 9/4/2009 10:39:53 AM
First, please stop refering to the NO CONTACT RULE like it's the eleventh commandment! If it's working for him... To the OP: We know nothing about the circumstances behind your breakup. There are some things that will never be forgiven no matter how hard you try. And, I don't think you get the true purpose of no contact. It's a rule that allows you peace and time to heal up after a break up. It's also a great time for some self-reflection. Sorry, but no breakup is completely one sided...there are always improvements you can make. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

I am straight but beginning to hate heterosexual males. Does that make any sense? Posted: 9/3/2009 10:35:17 PM
Hmmmm...I think I see your problem: I love women above all things and with all that is within me. There is nothing in this entire universe that would make me happier than to infinitely love one woman and never let her forget it. My mission in life is women. It's all I want in this world. I'll say this as politely as I can...I wouldn't let my daughter get within 5 feet of you, because you have a VERY unhealthy fixation with women. You have self-esteem issues, and a lack of confidence around women. You project this lack of confidence onto other males. How dare they take what should rightfully be yours, yes? My fear is...when you can no longer take it out on the guys...who will be your next target? I would like to suggest a book to you. It's called "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Glover. Can be had for $10 on Amazon. One of the issues it addresses is this unhealthy fixation on women, and describes in acute detail how self-defeating this trait is. It will show you a way to work on this fixation, and help you build your confidence and self-esteem in the process. Failing that...seek counseling dude. Seriously...a woman who has a healthy sense of self respect is going to see this fixation for what it is and run like hell. Get it addressed before you try dating again. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

High school games, why do some women do this? Posted: 9/3/2009 3:35:08 PM
Get a grip, nikki bear. The one common denominator is screwed up women. This lad is not the only one saying this. Not by a long shot. This has been going on forever and it's usually the nice guys, the shy guys, the more laid back guys or the B-type personalities that it happens to. There are a lot of **es out there who either don't know what they want (bad boy or good boy) and/0r, who take a perverse pleasure in inflicting pain on some guy - for whatever reason. Sheeeeeesh! If a man keeps getting messed up women...HE is the common denominator. HE is the one making the bad dating choices. HE is the one who ignores the red flags. HE is the one who lets himself be used as a doormat. So simple to label the woman as a ** and move on, but then you are not learning from your mistakes. Time for our crappy dater to look in a mirror...he'll find the problem there. It is due to poor confidence and low self esteem. Confident men don't have these problems. They're not desperate for female attention. Instead of getting hooked by the the sweet talk, they OBSERVE their potential mate and see if their actions back up their words. And, if they don't, they're quick to dismiss the woman and save themselves the heartache. This works both ways, ladies. Quit picking up the bad boys (who also have confidence problems...it's just masked better) and take a good look at what you REALLY want in a man. Or, continue down the same path and suffer additional heartbreak and emotional abuse. My two cents. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Rejection Posted: 9/3/2009 3:25:39 PM
I could ask the same question only in reverse to the men: Why is it I hear all day long you would like someone who is a quality person: Educated, independent, self-sufficient/supporting, good conversationalist/communicator, hard working, a non game player, someone who will be faithful to a relationship, then you find it, and P O O F, you run like hell for some welfare whore who hangs out at the local watering hole night after night? Touche!! Why is it that guy who knows how to treat a woman right gets rejected, goes out with someone else who treats her like s**t, THEN STAYS WITH HIM, then she comes back to you and wishes to be with a man that always had been treated right when needed.........., can anyone anser me an unanswered question? She comes back to you because you have no boundaries...you are willing to accept second class treatment from this woman. Instead of telling her to piss off, you allow her to come use you as her emotional anchor. If she screws you over...that's her fault. If she comes back (friend or not) and you LET her come back...that's YOUR fault. This is the second time you've posted about a cheating woman. You need to find more constructive channels for your anger. And, a good self-esteem book will go a long way too. Might I recommend "No More Mr Nice Guy" by Glover. It will show you how to set some boundaries for yourself and build your self esteem. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

High school games, why do some women do this? Posted: 9/3/2009 11:15:10 AM
OP I've had 3 girls screw me over emotionally. OK...what are YOU doing wrong? I swear I broke up and got back together with the girls 8 separate times Hmmm...we might have our answer right here. No boundaries. Let women treat you like crap and go back to them. Probably become emotionally attached VERY quickly. Quit blaming the girls for your poor dating choices. Go get a healthy dose 0f self-esteem and try again later. And take your time before getting attached. Start fast...end fast. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 50 (view)

Fellow world travelers? Where have you been, and where do you want to go? Posted: 9/2/2009 3:45:29 PM
Been to Canada, Mexico, Panama, France, Luxembourg, and Germany. What's with all these tropical places people? No ski bums in house? I want to hit Austria, Switzerland, Norway and Sweden. I would love to go skiing in Japan someday too. I'm planning a trip to Chile in the next year or two...go snow skiing in August!!! Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

What do you think of this guys Posted: 8/31/2009 1:11:54 PM
Personally, I think anyone who accepts people with addictions into their lives is only asking for heartache. To settle for less then what you want is also a mistake. You may want to clarify your 'excessive drinking' statement, because we all have different scales to measure that by. Other than that, you know what you are looking for and don't want to settle. Good on ya!! Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

I broke up with you - dont contact me Posted: 8/31/2009 1:04:40 PM
Whether I broke up with her, or vise versa, I don't want the contact. When it's over...it's over...and maintaining contact just prolongs the healing process for both parties. It is impossible to be 'friends' with someone you still have a romantic attachment to. I have re-established friendships with a few select ex-g/f, because we can behave as adults around each other, but that was MONTHS after the breakup. And they are exceptions to the rule...not the norm. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

I didn't expect this at all Posted: 8/31/2009 10:16:56 AM
OP, In HER mind, the relationship was over at Valentine's Day. You were put in the friend zone...and you stuck around in the hopes that maybe you'd be able to build that relationship again. Sorry...once in the friend zone...always in the friend zone. She's moved on. Do yourself a favor. Delete her number. No contact. No viewing her profiles / blogs. No drunk dialing. You won't heal until you quit contacting this girl. I'd forget the sweatshirt even exists. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

What should i do?!?! Posted: 8/25/2009 10:54:49 PM
The short answer...no, you will not get her back. And, you don't WANT her back. She doesn't know what she wants. You are but one in a long line of men she'll bounce around until she figures out what she wants. Assuming she does figure it out. If she comes back, remember, she could be gone again in two months no matter how nice you are or how much you do for her. She doesn't know what she wants yet...your efforts will be for naught. What should you do? No contact. No calls / texts / drunk dialing. No contact also means stay off her profiles , webpages, and blogs. It's going to be tough to resist, but you must if you want to get past this. Spoil YOURSELF until you get your self esteem back. Curly was right...set some boundaries with women so that they don't used you and abuse you. You won't have decent boundaries until your self esteem is where it belongs, so be careful dating in the near future. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Is she just right, or am I? Posted: 8/25/2009 10:37:01 PM
Typical breakup drama. Really...that's all this is. Nobody is right...nobody is wrong...just get over her, get over it, and move on. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

too long single Posted: 8/24/2009 4:46:48 PM
The last few relationships, my picker was definitely broken and I settled. Yeah...being single sometimes sucks, but I have WAY too much going on in my life now to settle. I'll stay single until Ms. Right catches up to me!!

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

So tired of hearing this Your true love is waiting on you Posted: 8/12/2009 8:37:32 PM
I still have not come to grips with the whole 'stop looking and you will meet someone when you least expect it' deal. I think that statement is more geared towards the people who seem to be desperate to get into a relationship. When you force something, eventually it's going to break. If you are healthy and happy with your life now, there's no reason to stop you from going out and doing a little looking. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

So tired of hearing this Your true love is waiting on you Posted: 8/11/2009 9:48:02 PM
holt, your negativity shows through your profile...and probably shows through your everyday interaction with other people. You're a good looking man who appears to have a lot going for you, but your profile is SO negative. Boring this...boring that. And, that gold digger comment has GOT TO GO. Quality women can sense this negativity a mile away. You need to improve your attitude, by any means necessary, if you want to find that quality someone you are looking for. Be selfish. Find something that makes YOU happy every day and go do it. When you are happy it'll show...and happy people attract happy people. You are not going to get very far with the attitude you are displaying now. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Is it possible? Posted: 8/11/2009 12:49:05 PM
Yes it is...I've been trying to keep myself busy to keep my mind off her..When I'm not at work I try hanging out with as many friends as possible, going out and doing something fun, meeting new people. It's getting better, but still catch myself thinking about stuff everyday. Good. You are on the right track. Next piece of advice...go spoil yourself. Make YOURSELF happy...whatever it takes...every day. As an example...I've always wanted a personal trainer. I went and got one after my last breakup. Building muscle and losing weight, and I've never felt better. Makes me fill up a lot of that empty time, too. It gets better with time...keep it up. Another piece of advice...quit posting about her. Just quit. Because, writing about her just puts her in your thoughts even more. She's not worth the bandwidth. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Is it possible? Posted: 8/11/2009 6:26:30 AM
Hey bsmyth, In a word...yes...it is possible to fall completely in love after only a few months. One of my old Army buddies knew he would marry his wife the day he met her. They've been together for 15 years and 3 kids. Let me add a caveat...For a person in your age range, it is EXTREMELY rare. My buddy and his wife were in their 30s, mature, and both had well established lives when they met. This isn't the first broken-hearted thread you've posted. I'll assume that you're talking about the same girl as before? What are you doing to heal up from this girl? Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

A girl told me i wanna keep you as friend? can we get back like before as more than a friends? Posted: 8/10/2009 7:53:43 PM
dont you guys think she is a bit confused? How did u make that quick judgment? The quick judgment comes from painful experience. Been there...done that myself. As have hundreds of other broken-hearted men in this forum. Your story is nothing new. Is she confused? NO...not where you are concerned. She has made a decision, and she knows that she does not want you as more than a friend. You are going to have to accept that, or move on. You cannot force, coerce, tease, beg, or bribe another person into loving you. As nice as you may be...even if you try to be nicer...it will not work. My advice is to drop her and move on. Paul ;)

fortygeek

Joined: 2/15/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

A girl told me i wanna keep you as friend? can we get back like before as more than a friends? Posted: 8/10/2009 8:38:44 AM
You cannot be friends with someone you still have a romantic attachment to. Sorry...it just WILL NOT WORK. You don't want a friendship...you want a relationship...but you cannot make somebody be in a romantic relationship if they don't want it. You are now in the 'friend' zone, and no matter how nice you are or what you do for her...you are going to stay in the friend zone. It is time to drop Maria and move on. She's got you wrapped around her finger and she knows it. Time to go no contact and get on with your life. Paul ;)

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