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Thread: Why do guys call months after the relationship has ended?

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

Why do guys call months after the relationship has ended? Posted: 3/18/2007 12:20:47 AM
IKUSA, you have given the best advice in this whole forum. Here it is for everyone to read: "The world isn't black and white and 'the relationship is over' isn't always about absolutes. Whatever problems that may have contributed to the break up, there were obviously good times as well and trying to reconnect with someone that once made you happy shouldn't be scorned. Sometimes a guy just misses her." This is totally normal & should be encouraged when the breakup wasn't over something malicious. Of course it should only be done if there are no alterior motives of trying to win back their ex. Also, as long as the other person is Ok with being friends. From my experience, I've noticed that the people who call back to keep in touch or try to rekindle an old flame almost always tend to be the people who were dumped. They're obviously still hurt or truly care for their ex & just want to know how they're doing. Nothing wrong with that. I hate when people encourage "NO CONTACT." That is only cool if you know you can't handle being just friends. Otherwise, you are just in denial and trying to pretend the relationship never happened.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 64 (view)

bi-polar finace disaster Posted: 3/10/2007 11:16:37 PM
I wanna thank everyone here who has supported me or defended me. The sad truth about dating an UNTREATED BPD is that most victims end up getting dumped after they've put up with their BPD partner's behavior for so long. They will have invested all this time into trying to win back their love, just to end up being dumped and having their heart shattered into a million pieces. The victim should be the one dumping from the get go. LESSON LEARNED: You either put up with an untreated BPD's B.S. or walk away. There is absolutely no other alternative. Please, RUN don't walk.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 89 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 3/10/2007 9:43:18 PM
SOMBIENT, I really appreciate you taking the time to read my post and respond indepth to my situation. Thanks! You may be right in that my ex maybe suffering from depression and not BPD. Whatever it was it changed her for the worse. Regardless of her condition, I never gave up trying to win her back. All I did was support her in every way possible and love her to the fullest only to have her dump me in return for "not making her my first priority." Those words were a slap in the face to me. Being that I took her to work everyday for 3 months. That is the thanks I get. I don't think I'm suffering depression. I think it's more I'm heartbroken and just missing her, because it is still so fresh. We all go through this grieving process when being dumped. I'm not dating by the way. I won't be ready for a while. Right now I'm just trying to educate myself by reading as much as I can about relationships and psychology. I'm gonna research depression by the way. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm also seeking support from others by joining these forums and talking to friends. This is all very therapeutic. I'm in the process of moving right now. Once I move into my own place the excitement from it will shift my focus to something new and will GREATLY help me move on. I can't wait. Once again, thanks for your input.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 86 (view)

Ever date someone with BPD? (Borderline Personality Disorder) Posted: 3/9/2007 11:43:09 PM
DISCLAIMER: Any negative comments toward BPD is towards people who are UNTREATED. If you're TREATED, then don't take offense because we're not talking about you. (From now on we all have to put disclaimers before we comment, otherwise we will get attacked for offending someone. Snoogins, I'm sorry you were offended by my previous post) Pinebreeze, I got chills reading your post. Your experience about how BPD people work described my ex-girlfriend down to a 'T. You hit the nail right down the spot. You actually described a formula of how they work to be Evil. Read my story from my previous post so you'll know what I went through. Two days ago I felt I was starting to go crazy to the point that I was crying hysterically and asked GOD, "Why did this girl do this to me?" One hour later I stumbled across Borderline Personality Disorder in one of these forums. I had never heard of it. I researched it and realized that my ex has this condition. Had I not made this discovery I'd probably be worse right now, because I was starting to think there was something wrong with me. GOD answered my question. I will be able to heal now, because now I know why I went through everything my ex put me through. Great to see how GOD works in mysterious ways when we are at our breaking point.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 24 (view)

bi-polar finace disaster Posted: 3/9/2007 8:37:27 AM
I am truly sorry if I offended anyone here with bi-polar or borderline personality disorder. To those who commented about me yall are completely right in saying I shouldn't stereotype and shun people with these conditions. What I meant to say and what I should of said is that you should RUN if you date someone who has these conditions and don't get treatment or refuse to acknowledge their condition. To anyone who has any of these two conditions, IF you are aware of your condition and you're getting treatment for it I stand up and applaud you. BOTTOM LINE: If you are looking for a love connection and meet someone who is bi-polar or has BPD they should be given a second chance ONLY if they acknowledge that they have their condition, are willing to get treatment and MOST importantly come through with getting better. If the person doesn't acknowledge their condition, then once again RUN. I have no sympathy for those people, because they're disrespecting you without cause. Putting up with someone like that is like beating your head against the wall repeatedly.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 81 (view)

Dating someone with BPD Posted: 3/8/2007 11:02:16 PM
Please do RUN if you meet someone with bi-polar or borderline personality disorder. RUN as fast as you can & don't look back! Sure they need love like everyone else, but let it be from a family member and not a love interest. Why should any potential partner put up with their behavior??? No medical condition can justify having to put up with this abusive behavior. You either put up with their B.S. or walk away. Do yourself a favor and walk out at the first sign. You will save yourself a lot of heartache. Know that you can't change them. And if you have to take them to therapy, then let them be somebody else's problem. We all deserve to be treated and respected to the highest degree and should not have to settle for less. Nor should we have to fix someone just so that they can respect us. My ex-girlfriend has one of these two conditions. She seemed to be more on the BPD side. I didn't know about this until I ran into this subject last night online. My ex has all of the classic symptoms and I put up with it way too long. I loved her so much that I had hoped she would change back to the sweet girl I fell in love with. We dated for 5 months. The first 2.5 were perfect. We were both madly in love. Then Thanksgiving Day 2006 came & we had spoke of spending it together, but I got out of work late that day so I couldn't make it. She later told me she felt totally rejected for me not making it on Thanksgiving. Then the next day she gets into a car accident. The car was totaled and thankfully she had no injuries. But she had no car insurance. So she gets a ticket for no insurance and a ticket for reckless driving (taking a red light). From that moment on I took her to and from work for the next 3 months. I became more affectionate, romantic and surprised her with gifts to cheer her up since she had lost her freedom (her car). From the moment she had her car accident she lost that loving feeling from 100% to 50% for the rest of the relationship. No matter what I did or say she'd end up fighting with me because everything I did was wrong. There were happy moments in between and we were still in love but that honeymoon feeling she had before was gone. This made me try even harder to please her. She would find the littlest things to fight about. I treated her like a queen and poured my heart out to her to try win her back to that loving feeling, but that was never enough for her. She ended up breaking up with me, because she says I didn't make her my first priority. I was devastated. It's now been 10 days and last night I find out about Borderline Personality Disorder. When I read up on it I then discovered that this is what my ex was suffering from. The relationship was consuming me way too much. It literally drained me both physically and mentally. I lost 12 lbs. due to loss of appetite and now I'm emotionally wrecked. Had I walked away at the first sign of her madness I would have been so past this relationship by now. I have learned so much from this relationship that I will never put up with another girl's B.S. ever again. That is why I have no tolerance for people with this condition. Let them be somebody else's problem. I give my best so I deserve no less. I realize I was way too nice and had become a doormat. I'm surprised at myself because I have never been like that in any of my other relationships. My ex gave me red flags throughout the relationship. She told me "I tend to have short, intense relationships," & "Get ready for a bumpy ride," early on. I ignored the signals, because I was in love. I've learned now to not fall in love so quick and to listen to my gut feelings. People, please learn from my mistakes and RUN when you realize your mate is bi-polar or has BPD.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 18 (view)

bi-polar finace disaster Posted: 3/8/2007 9:13:27 PM
Please do RUN if you meet someone with bi-polar or borderline personality disorder. RUN as fast as you can & don't look back! Sure they need love like everyone else, but let it be from a family member and not a love interest. Why should any potential partner put up with their behavior??? No medical condition can justify having to put up with this abusive behavior. You either put up with their B.S. or walk away. Do yourself a favor and walk out at the first sign. You will save yourself a lot of heartache. Know that you can't change them. And if you have to take them to therapy, then let them be somebody else's problem. We all deserve to be treated and respected to the highest degree and should not have to settle for less. Nor should we have to fix someone just so that they can respect us. My ex-girlfriend has one of these two conditions. She seemed to be more on the BPD side. I didn't know about this until I ran into this subject last night online. My ex has all of the classic symptoms and I put up with it way too long. I loved her so much that I had hoped she would change back to the sweet girl I fell in love with. We dated for 5 months. The first 2.5 were perfect. We were both madly in love. Then Thanksgiving Day 2006 came & we had spoke of spending it together, but I got out of work late that day so I couldn't make it. She later told me she felt totally rejected for me not making it on Thanksgiving. Then the next day she gets into a car accident. The car was totaled and thankfully she had no injuries. But she had no car insurance. So she gets a ticket for no insurance and a ticket for reckless driving (taking a red light). From that moment on I took her to and from work for the next 3 months. I became more affectionate, romantic and surprised her with gifts to cheer her up since she had lost her freedom (her car). From the moment she had her car accident she lost that loving feeling from 100% to 50% for the rest of the relationship. No matter what I did or say she'd end up fighting with me because everything I did was wrong. There were happy moments in between and we were still in love but that honeymoon feeling she had before was gone. This made me try even harder to please her. She would find the littlest things to fight about. I treated her like a queen and poured my heart out to her to try win her back to that loving feeling, but that was never enough for her. She ended up breaking up with me, because she says I didn't make her my first priority. I was devastated. It's now been 10 days and last night I find out about Borderline Personality Disorder. When I read up on it I then discovered that this is what my ex was suffering from. The relationship was consuming me way too much. It literally drained me both physically and mentally. I lost 12 lbs. due to loss of appetite and now I'm emotionally wrecked. Had I walked away at the first sign of her madness I would have been so past this relationship by now. I have learned so much from this relationship that I will never put up with another girl's B.S. ever again. That is why I have no tolerance for people with this condition. Let them be somebody else's problem. I give my best so I deserve no less. I realize I was way too nice and had become a doormat. I'm surprised at myself because I have never been like that in any of my other relationships. My ex gave me red flags throughout the relationship. She told me "I tend to have short, intense relationships," & "Get ready for a bumpy ride," early on. I ignored the signals, because I was in love. I've learned now to not fall in love so quick and to listen to my gut feelings. People, please learn from my mistakes and RUN when you realize your mate is bi-polar or has BPD. This will save you from a lot of heartache like the one I'm feeling right now. Each day it gets a little easier though.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 4 (view)

Have any girls here ever dumped their bf & then called him back to get back together Posted: 3/7/2007 10:05:42 PM
Thank you two for the advice. It was the wake up call I needed to hear. Now it's time for me to move on and stop living with false hope.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

Have any girls here ever dumped their bf & then called him back to get back together Posted: 3/7/2007 9:08:58 PM
Have any girls here ever dumped their boyfriend & then later down the road called him back to get back together, because they realized they made a mistake and miss him?? Or do you girls usually stick to your decision of staying broken up because you had already exhausted all the possibilities of making the relationship work?? My gf dumped me, so I would like to know the odds of her calling me back.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 55 (view)

BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX Posted: 3/5/2007 8:08:29 PM
I'm really glad to see this thread get so much reaction. Heartbreak is something everyone can relate too. Sharing our experiences and our advice with each other can really be helpful in healing over a shattered heart. We learn from each other and see that we are not alone. I just wanna thank everyone whose given me positive feedback: Missy172, prettygirlnyfl, looking4u2345, flowagoddess, undrthesun, roarimaraptor, gaby.s, sassyfox, danishsweetbread and countrytat. At the same time I always welcome criticism. If I realize I was wrong in something I said I will be the first to admit it. I'm always open to conflicting views because I can learn from them too. As I have here. I think we're all a little wiser now. Good luck and keep fishing, RALPH

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 53 (view)

BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX Posted: 3/5/2007 4:40:03 PM
You're welcome Countrytat. I'm glad my post has helped you. Getting over an ex is like quitting smoking. The first month is pure torture because you're going through withdrawals. This is what I call the "Detox" phase. Cut off all contact with your ex so that they can slowly seep out of your heart the same way nicotine seeps out of a smoker's lungs during the detox. Remember that it's ok to grieve. Cry until you can't cry no more. Eventually you will stop crying because you will have exhausted yourself to the point where you will not care for that person anymore. The BEST way to boost your confidence is to take PRIDE in your appearance everyday. Hit the gym, groom yourself to your best ability and carefully dress yourself with clothes that flatter your body. If you look good, then you will feel good. One last piece of advice for you and everyone here. Whenever you are in a relationship and everything is great, ALWAYS remind yourself that one day that person might not be there. ALWAYS remind yourself that if things don't work out you will still be happy because you have a life of your own. Too many people put their partners on a pedestal and worship them to the point where their happiness relies on being with their partner. Don't make that mistake. I did and now I'm learning the hard way. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you shouldn't love wholeheartingly. Love with all your might, just keep in mind that nothing is guaranteed and you CAN live w/o your partner. This will keep things in perspective and if things don't work out then it'll make the grieving process a lot easier. Countrytat, only be friends with your ex if you could truly be a friend with no emotional attachments. Keep the contact limited. Only every once in while to see how they're doing. Keep it short and simple. Make sure you grieve first before having a friendship. Good luck and keep fishing.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 226 (view)

Red Flags.... Posted: 3/5/2007 9:35:24 AM
When a girl tells you that she tends to have short, intense relationships. RUN! When she tells you jokingly "Get ready for a bumpy ride," or playfully asks you "How long are you willing to put up with me?" RUN! I saw all these red flags in my last relationship and had chosen to ignore them because the girl was beautiful and I thought I could change her. Boy was I wrong. People, please don't be blinded by beauty and don't think you could change someone. JUST RUN and don't look back. The longer you stay in that relationship the more painful the breakup will be because the more time invested. Save time by not hesitating to cut ties with that person.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 923 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 3/5/2007 9:08:32 AM
Jarbarian, I just wanna thank you for posting this forum. I'm trying to get over a breakup right now. It's hard at the beginning, but each day it gets a little easier. Your words of wisdom is priceless. Especially the NO CONTACT rule. The rule about pulling away when the other person pulls away is great too. It is a way of keeping your dignity intact. For when you chase someone you are just feeding the other person's ego. It's great to see how you've inspired so many people here. Keep doing what you're doing. Peace!

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 28 (view)

BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX ---REVISED--- Posted: 3/3/2007 9:27:28 PM
BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX ------REVISED------ I have to agree with everyone here. You shouldn't look for a new relationship so soon, until you've had time to heal. In my original post I came across as advising to eagerly get over your ex by jumping into another relationship. I was wrong for that. I had spoken too soon because I'm trying to get over a breakup right now. The fleshwounds from my chest are still fresh and the heartache is still raw as its only been a few days since the breakup. This is the most tortureous period in the recovery, but each day it will get a little easier. People, I recommend that you adjust to the life you had before meeting your ex. Go back and do the hobbies you've probably put off due to your previous relationship. You should also try to strengthen your relationships with friends and family by spending more time with them and appreciate them a little better. This will bring you back to reality and help you get over your ex. Your friends and family were there before your ex and will always be there afterward. That should help ground you from the heartache. You should go out of your way to redecorate or remodel your house. Try rearranging furniture, put up new decorations or upgrade your kitchen or bathroom. Really try and make your home into your own personal castle so you could feel like the king or queen. This will really boost your self-esteem and help you forget about your ex. Also, don't be afraid to be alone for a while. There is nothing wrong with that. Enjoy your own company and TRULY LOVE YOURSELF. You should always be comfortable in your own skin. ---FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF---gives off an air of confidence and that could truly be appealing to the opposite sex. Also, be very MODEST in the way you carry yourself. If you feel good about yourself and you're modest before you know it you will have a bunch of candidates lining up to go out with you without you having to look for them. I GUARANTEE this will all work only if you truly believe in it and follow it to a 'T. Good luck people

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 7 (view)

BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX Posted: 3/3/2007 1:17:34 AM
Great to see quick feedback! Glad to see some people got my point. I'm always open to criticism too. Michelle and BrwnEyes, when I said "Focus on finding someone new and forget about your ex," I didn't mean to go straight into another relationship. I meant that you should be open to meeting new people. That's all. A lot of people with broken hearts are so scared of getting hurt again that they put off meeting new people for a long time. The idea is to get out there and just interact with new people so that you realize that there is a whole new world out there to tap into. The idea is to get your ex out of your own world in your head by realizing there is a gazillion people out there. It's great to grieve over your loss and then move past it, but my point is don't dwell so long over it. A lot of people hold on to old memories for many years when most likely their ex has already moved on so long before. I hope this better explains my point. "The new love interest being the new habit," is a bad drug analogy. I should have said "The new love interest being the new focus replaces your ex as the old focus, thus helping you to forget about them." "Focus," meaning they are your new attention in your life, not new addiction.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX Posted: 3/2/2007 11:40:26 PM
Everyone, please forget about second chances if you were the one who got dumped. We all want to believe that one day our ex will change their mind and want us back, but that is just wishful thinking. If they're not contacting you, then they've obviously moved on. The only time someone calls back to get back together is when it's the person who got dumped. From my experience, when I've dumped a girl I've never had any second thoughts about it. Same for the girls that have dumped me. None of them have ever made an attempt at reconciling. BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX: If you truly understand and believe in what I'm about to say I GUARANTEE you will get over your ex so much quicker. Here it is: We are all creatures of habit. We adapt to our surroundings and the people around us rather quickly. We easily get addicted to someone we're in love with out of habit. Please know that obsessing over an ex is just like being addicted to drugs. You know its not healthy for you so you have to break the addiction. When you think of your ex co-relate them with being crack-cocaine and heroine all rolled up into one. This way you will know that you must stop obsessing over them otherwise it can emotionally damage you in the long run the way drugs slowly kill you. The drug analogy sounds harsh, but I'm sure it gets the point across. Focus on finding someone new and forget about your ex. The new love interest will be your new habit replacing your old habit(the ex). Please look at your ex as a bad habit you must quit like smoking. If what I just wrote helps just one person, then this post has served its purpose. Good luck!

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 921 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 3/2/2007 11:30:01 PM
Everyone, please forget about second chances if you were the one who got dumped. We all want to believe that one day our ex will change their mind and want us back, but that is just wishful thinking. If they're not contacting you, then they've obviously moved on. The only time someone calls back to get back together is when it's the person who got dumped. From my experience, when I've dumped a girl I've never had any second thoughts about it. Same for the girls that have dumped me. None of them have ever made an attempt at reconciling. BEST ADVICE TO GETTING OVER YOUR EX: If you truly understand and believe in what I'm about to say I GUARANTEE you will get over your ex so much quicker. Here it is: We are all creatures of habit. We adapt to our surroundings and the people around us rather quickly. We easily get addicted to someone we're in love with out of habit. Please know that obsessing over an ex is just like being addicted to drugs. You know its not healthy for you so you have to break the addiction. When you think of your ex co-relate them with being crack-cocaine and heroine all rolled up into one. This way you will know that you must stop obsessing over them otherwise it can emotionally damage you in the long run the way drugs slowly kill you. The drug analogy sounds harsh, but I'm sure it gets the point across. Focus on finding someone new and forget about your ex. The new love interest will be your new habit replacing your old habit(the ex). Please look at your ex as a bad habit you must quit like smoking. If what I just wrote helps just one person, then this post has served its purpose. Good luck!

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 11 (view)

talking with your ex Posted: 3/2/2007 9:12:24 PM
"She says that she is probably making a mistake and will probably call you back." She is telling you to your face that you are just a back up plan. That's just straight disrespectful. You shouldn't have to settle for second class treatment by being the consolation prize. If she truly loved you, she'd be with you with no plan 'B.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 51 (view)

Being friends with Ex? Posted: 3/2/2007 9:48:44 AM
DISCLAIMER: Disregard everything I just wrote above and cut off all contact with your ex right away ONLY if the breakup was due to cheating, physical/verbal abuse or anything with MALICIOUS intent.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 224 (view)

What have you learned from having your heart broken? Posted: 3/1/2007 10:54:52 PM
I have learned - that I need to pay more attention to my gut feelings. in the instances where my heart was truly broken - the 'red flags' were there ..... and I knew it. I just chose to ignore them. --Sapphire AMEN!! I went through the same thing in my last relationship. I knew it was over during the last 2 months of the 5 month relationship. Instead of me walking away I just waited for her to do it, because I was truly in love with her and I had hoped she would change back to the girl I fallen in love with. Had I ended it right when I knew it was over I would have saved my self 2 months that I lost. The grieving process would have been a lot quicker and easier. Well, sometimes you learn the hard way. Another thing I learned is that you should really take your time to get to know someone and don't fall in love so easily. Because when you rush into a serious relationship that's when your heart gets shattered. GOOD LUCK EVERYONE, Ralph

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 50 (view)

Being friends with Ex? Posted: 3/1/2007 10:09:16 PM
The best thing to do is to keep in contact for 3 or 4 weeks after the breakup. Console each other the first few days and gradually stop calling each other from 3 or 4 days a week to once a week to not at all. This is the best solution because it is done gradually to where you just naturally adjust and drift apart. I've always hated the advice that when you break up there should be NO CONTACT whatsoever until months of healing have passed. Come on, that is so inconsiderate for the person being dumped. NO CONTACT for the dumpee is just pure torture for them. The dumper should be considerate and console the dumpee for the first few days and then gradually stop calling. This way there is an adjustment period for the dumpee. I've been on both sides of the spectrum of having been dumped and being the dumper and this method has always worked for me. Yall should try it and tell your story here to say if it worked for you or not. Good luck to everyone, Ralph

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 30 (view)

Should i be friends with my ex girlfriend who i love? Posted: 2/26/2007 8:07:35 PM
Once your ex starts dating someone new how are you gonna feel when she tells you that she has a new bf and is happy?? That is pure torture. You'd be torturing yourself by being her friend. Be her friend ONLY if it could truly be platonic in your heart. If this happens, keep the contact LIMITED. I know that letting go can be so painful, because you're hooked on her. But know that eventually you will meet someone new who will sweep you off your feet and your heart will then belong to that new person. I feel for you brother. I'm going through the same thing you're going through right now without the competition thing. Thank God for these forums. They're very therapeutic. Also, a great way to vent out your heartache. GOOD LUCK and please reread the first sentence I wrote and answer the question for yourself.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 194 (view)

What have you learned from having your heart broken? Posted: 2/25/2007 9:29:37 PM
I've learned that it is ok to be single. People feel its the end of the world for them when their heart is broken, but they MUST understand that YOU have to love yourself first before loving someone else. You MUST love yourself so much that you should feel content when you're single. And if you meet someone you like and they wanna join you in your happiness, then perfect but if not it should be no skin off your back. NO ONE should base their happiness on whether someone loves them or not. I'm so sick of feeling that way through having my heart broken that I've learned to love myself. I'm still looking for my soulmate though. I've learned that you should always give your all in every relationship and if the other person doesn't feel the same then IT'S THEIR LOSS. People please take what I say to heart otherwise you will suffer unnecessary love pain.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 442 (view)

When the girl wants to be JUST FRIENDS Posted: 2/16/2007 12:07:11 AM
If you stay friends with a girl you still have feelings for, how are you gonna react when she tells you that she's dating someone new??? That is the answer to everyone's question of whether they can still be friends.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 21 (view)

Broken Heart and Can't Stop the pain Posted: 2/7/2007 12:02:05 AM
Everyone with a broken heart should know that eventually they will fall in love with a new person sometime in the future. Once you are in a new relationship where you are in love, then you will get over the ex so much quicker. This is because your attention is now focused on the new love. Just don't be on the rebound cuz then you're just trying to fool yourself. You must love yourself first and foremost. Think and remember all the good character traits about yourself. And remember that you had a life before you met this person. My ex left me 3 days ago. Its real tough for me right now but I know each day will get easier. Good luck to everyone here.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 533 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/22/2006 8:51:11 PM
Jarbarian, Once again, thank you so much for the advice. I will take it to heart. Even though we know what we should do in our mind our heart sometimes overrides it. That's when we have to be stronger and use logic over emotion. Sometimes you need someone to tell you the truth straight up when it comes to advice to wake us up. You're very generous in taking time to read this and responding. You should get into psychology. Thanks again and have a great day.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 530 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/22/2006 1:01:28 AM
Jarbarian, Thank you so much for taking the time to respond. It isn't what I wanted to hear, but it completely makes sense. Your suggestion is the best solution. You know this from first hand experience with your ex's family. You hit it on the nail when you said, "Your desire to remain friends with her brother is why you haven't been able to heal." You're right! Whenever he calls to hang out I rush over there to pick him up not so much for him but more for secretly hoping my ex will change her mind about me by being reminded of me. But now I see this is wrong and just plain wishful thinking. After no contact with her for just over a year I decided to try one last indirect attempt at reconcillation a few weeks ago. I sent her a real, nice vacation souvenir with her brother. I had hoped this would have softened her heart and may have changed her mind, but it didn't. Instead of him telling me of her reaction, I had to ask him. He told me "Oh, she said thanks. She said it was nice." I could tell that he just said that out of embarrassment for her. I was then convinced there's no chance whatsoever. Writing all this out and talking to you is so therapeutic. Once again, thank you for your advice. I know I will prevail.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 528 (view)

So you want a second chance? Posted: 8/21/2006 11:04:58 PM
Jarbarian, This post you made is excellent. I have a very unique case though. I am heartbroken over an ex. My ex's brother is a good friend of mine. He introduced us to each other. My ex and I have been broken up for over a year now. We have no contact with each other whatsoever. This sounds perfect and would make it so easy for me to get over her. Outta sight outta mind, right? The problem is this: my friend got layed off a few months ago and had to move in with his sister while he goes back to school. He doesn't have a car either. So whenever we hang out I have to go pick him up at my ex's house. I always wait for him outside, but imagine how I must feel driving all the way over there and having to wait outside. All those feelings for her rush right back to me. It feels horrible to know that everytime I pick up my friend she knows about it and is staying inside to avoid me. Even if my friend was to meet me somewhere nearby I would still feel the same because of the driving route. Besides this, everytime I see or talk to my friend my feelings for his sister rush right back to me because I can't help but think of her when I talk to or see my friend. The logical solution would be to end my friendship with my friend so I wouldn't be reminded of her. But we've known each other for about 10 years now and he's a good friend who is not worth of losing a friendship with. Would do you suggest?? Your suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thank you, Ralph

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 139 (view)

How to tell if a woman is horny?? Posted: 7/9/2006 10:49:17 PM
When you're talking to a girl and you notice that she is just babbling and babbling on endlessly (about something that is not that important) that means she is giving you all the opportunities to ask her out. She is just stalling you for you to make your move. I'm sure most girls here can agree on this, right girls?

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 14 (view)

If a date likes u and tells u that u remind them of their ex r u flattered or turned off? Posted: 7/9/2006 6:07:11 AM
GREAT responses from everyone here. I think if someone compares u to an ex in a positive way, then its bearable. Even though we'd all much prefer to be liked for our own personal traits. I now also think that in some sort of twisted way maybe they're looking to recuperate a lost love by finding someone who resembles their ex. Good to see so many responses. Keep posting people ;)

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 6 (view)

wants to see me but just as a friend Posted: 7/7/2006 10:50:55 PM
If u stay friends with someone u have feelings for, then u will never move on. Because all those feelings of love will rush back to u when u see them. Cut off all contact. Memory fades with time. Move on. I know this is hard, but u have no choice since holding on to hope will not bring them back. Remember that u had a life & good times before u met this person. GOOD LUCK ;)

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 1 (view)

If a date likes u and tells u that u remind them of their ex r u flattered or turned off? Posted: 7/7/2006 7:50:00 PM
If a date likes u and tells u that u remind them of their ex r u flattered or turned off? This has happened to me several times. I'd rather someone like me for me but I don't make a big deal about it. I really don't know what to make of it. It doesn't bother me at all, but I'd like to know what most people think about that scenario.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

Don't know how to stop hurting Posted: 6/21/2006 9:50:22 PM
Angel, I know how you feel. My ex left me a year ago and I'm still hurting. I'm so glad I'm not the only one feeling this way because for a second there I thought this was abnormal and that something was wrong with me for not being able to stop hurting. Now I see I'm not alone. My advice to you is cut off all contact with this person and eventually with time he will fade away. This advice is hard for me to follow tho cuz my ex's brother is a good friend of mine who actually introduced us to each other. Everytime I hang out with my friend or talk to him on the phone all my feelings for his sister rush back to me because my friend had to move in with her because he got laid off at work. I stopped crying months ago so that is a start. I know it'll be just a matter of time for me to get her out of my system. Good luck to you and remember time heals all wounds. Live life to the fullest and take all the time to heal that you need.

Joined: 1/2/2006

Msg: 19 (view)

How do I get over it?? Posted: 5/16/2006 12:35:31 AM
Angel_broken_wings, I know exactly how u feel. I'm going through the same thing ur going through right now. It's really hard for me to get over my ex, because I'm good friends with her brother. He introduced us to each other. Everytime I talk or hang out with my friend all of my feelings for his sister rush back to me and I sense her presence. I don't express this to him, because it would just ruin our friendship. He's a good friend so the friendship is not worth losing. Everyone says the same thing, "Get over it," "Move on," "She wasn't the one for you." That is all easy to say because it's not happening to them. In my mind I know that advice is all true but my heart uses no logic, just pure feelings and emotions. Your heart will always overcome your mind, because you can't control how you feel. My advice to you is to just get out there and date and have fun for a while. Don't get serious. Just take it light. Always try to meet new people and eventually you will meet someone you really like. Focusing your attention on this new person is the best way to get over your ex. This is exactly what I'm doing. You have no choice but to get over your ex, because how u feel for him will not bring him back. Good luck and I hope this helped you in some way.

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