A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do?

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 233 (view)

A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? Posted: 11/20/2009 2:45:01 PM
Could be. OP? Care to explain?

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 228 (view)

A Very Ugly Situation - What Would YOU Do? Posted: 11/20/2009 1:25:21 PM
If what he said was really offensive, especially racial epithets and the like, then YOU have legally been the victim of harassment. Everyone has the right to a workplace free of offensive or hostile behavior. Saying these things where anyone else can hear them is rightly considered harassment. I would talk to him about it (not in front of others) and document the incident. You may need to refer to this documentation later if it becomes a pattern. I think you should do your best to prevent the situation from repeating itself in whatever way seems reasonable. Ideally, he will change his behavior without a lot of fuss.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

no kids Posted: 11/20/2009 12:37:57 PM
It's refreshing to see so many people who don't believe in having kids for selfish reasons. Thank you, everyone! I personally believe that most people who have kids do so for selfish reasons, such as wanting attention and approval from others in their lives. If people were truly responsible when deciding whether or not to have children, far fewer children would be born. Also, the children born to such caring and responsible parents would be far happier. Just imagine what a positive effect this one change could have on the world!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Suggestion : Block Users with Children Posted: 11/20/2009 11:33:39 AM
I agree that this should be an option. People who don't want kids or don't want to date women who already have kids should be given the same option as those who don't want to date smokers or users from another country. Seems like a no-brainer to me.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Is it normal for a woman to speak of such things Posted: 11/11/2009 10:17:14 PM
Helen, I think your analysis is the most reasonable one. OP, it's hard to be sure unless you take a more active role. If it were me, I'd take a chance and let her know I wanted to be with her (assuming I did). I don't much enjoy being the "safe friend," personally.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 95 (view)

WHAT PERFUMES DO YOU GUYS GO GA GA FOR? Posted: 10/15/2009 9:16:25 AM
None, none, and more of none is my favorite!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Is there something universally important about the evolution of the humanoid form? Posted: 10/3/2009 11:59:28 AM
I do think you'd find that many life forms are similar to those we have here on earth. Consider worms, snakes, caterpillars, etc. Almost every major group of organisms here on Earth has species among them with a more or less tubular shape. It's just really efficient. Symmetry is another theme that's going to be important everywhere. Humans are more or less bilaterally symmetrical, although some of our internal organs have settled into off-center positions. You could probably expect to find a lot of bilateral symmetry wherever there is complex life. This would lead to things like legs and arms that occur in pairs. The most successful species are also bound to have some kind of hands and fingers, allowing them to make and use tools and manipulate small and large objects. When you pair these abilities with intelligence, you get a species at the top of the food chain that may develop science, technology, philosophy, and so on. They would probably look a little like us, but would no doubt still seem very strange. I'm reading a book right now that touches on the same question. Actually, I'm listening to the audio version. In case anyone's interested (it's a really good book), it's called Eifelheim and it's by Michael Flynn. Thanks for the interesting thread, Spark!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 19 (view)

Should I write her? Posted: 9/8/2009 1:58:43 PM
OP: I'd tell her in whatever way best allows you to move on, and I'd go into it expecting her to ignore you or do something else childish. Remember, this is for [u]you[/u]. She's probably hurt (who knows why?) but not mature enough to be honest about her feelings. Just get it over with and then try to let it go. Good luck! Mr. B: For the record, I'm a pot smoker and would never give the offensive advice "Potsmoker" offers. It has nothing to do with the weed; he just has a very simple and pessimistic view of the world. Probably some kind of inferiority complex, too.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 83 (view)

What's the reward for Chivalry? Posted: 9/6/2009 8:18:50 PM
I also feel insulted by the concept of Chivalry. It's outdated at best, as several other posters have shown. At worst (and as typically applied in modern times), it's a way for certain women to justify expecting extra-courteous behavior that they will not have to return. I believe in gender equity. I don't tell women they shouldn't own businesses, and I expect the same even-handed treatment from them. I like women, too--it's just a matter of consistency and fairness.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Describe your soul~ Posted: 7/13/2009 3:31:41 PM
lol that's great. I used to love doing stuff like that (OK, I still do).

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 42 (view)

Describe your soul~ Posted: 7/13/2009 2:36:27 PM
Moot point. There is no such thing as a soul. I'm an atheist, but I think the concept of a soul is a useful one. It describes (as I use it) the apparent entity comprising all of our basic desires, feelings, priorities, needs, aspirations, etc. My belief is that the soul is like a fantastically complex computer program--so complex that we can only understand it in terms of our own experience of it. Talking to others can help our understanding a little, but only if we agree on a common language. That's always hard to do with areas science hasn't fully illuminated, which is why we need philosophers. I've done a little study of a lot of different religions, and many of them share the idea. I have my own experience of something similar to what they describe, and I think it's because we really all have much the same thing going on internally. As to the ultimate source of what we refer to as a soul, I may be right, or they may be, but it's good to be able to understand each other. In one sense, it doesn't even really matter who's right. If I'm right, nobody will ever know for sure. If they're right, everyone will find out after they die.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 40 (view)

Describe your soul~ Posted: 7/13/2009 12:39:28 AM
My soul loves easily and expands when loved. My soul wants to help and be helped, to connect with other souls in ways that are mutually enriching. My soul wants to understand things, to feel them. My soul collects ideas like a jeweler might collect stones--or like a soldier might collect weapons. My soul craves touch. My soul cares about joy and suffering wherever they happen. My soul is an optimist and an idealist. My soul is bruised and battered. My soul changes constantly but slowly. My soul loves when people do things in new ways. My soul is a rebel, a leader, an explorer. My soul is a tyrant at times, and stubborn, too. My soul is who I am and who I think I am. My soul howls at injustice, hypocrisy, and malice. My soul is a child, an old person, and everything in between. My soul is mischievous and loves fun--believes in it. My soul knows beauty. My soul is beautiful.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Do you avoid contacting wealthy guys or gals? Posted: 6/13/2009 12:01:53 PM
I would be a little bit wary. That said, being rich is like any other major life influence; some will handle it better than others. It may or may not be very common, but I know there are some rich people who are very aware of the pitfalls they need to avoid. If there's one factual statement about a person's income level in her profile, it could simply be the result of an open and honest style. I do agree, though, that someone bragging about their wealth is a big red flag, and if I thought I saw that I would run for the hills.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Search filter for people who will accept mail from me. Posted: 6/11/2009 11:04:22 PM
That's too bad. What a pain!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Search filter for people who will accept mail from me. Posted: 6/11/2009 9:04:38 PM
I'd love to be able to do a search excluding those who I can't message because of their mail settings. Thoughts?

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/11/2009 9:01:15 PM
Yeah, I get that. If someone doesn't want to go out with a pot smoker, fine. Whatever I might think of their reasons, I don't want to go out with them, either (I think I'll start a separate thread relating to that.) I just want people to really think about who they're excluding.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/11/2009 8:43:56 PM
You won me over with your superior logic. I'll just repent of my druggy ways and take up smoking or drinking coffee instead of using real drugs. Thank you for showing me the light!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/11/2009 4:55:52 PM
I'm personally in sort of a limbo. I do use marijuana, but for me it is a medicine. It's legal under the laws of my state, but so far the federal government still considers it illegal. They don't enforce those laws when it comes to individual patients, though. Unless they're trying to make an example of someone. Part of what I'm getting at is that "does drugs" is not well-defined, as you say. If it was "uses cannabis" or "injection drug user," I would feel a bit better about it. Even though many people don't consider caffeine to be a drug, the fact remains that it is one. Sometimes I'd like to filter out caffeine addicts, too. lol As far as people who break laws, we all have our own priorities regarding this. For example, I can't remember the last person I met who doesn't speed on the freeway. That kills people, too.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/10/2009 10:09:25 PM
You said I was wrong about most people using drugs; your logic was based on the faulty premise that a substance has to be illegal (or unpopular) to be a drug. That's the misperception I was trying to correct.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/10/2009 9:08:40 AM
I'm just pointing out the gaping holes in your argument. I'd like to discuss the desire by some members to have more balanced messaging restrictions, but had to respond to your ad-hominem arguments, which were baseless and irrelevant. Again, I have nothing to justify. So back to the issue at hand: I want to be able to screen out women who don't want the same things as me. I don't think that's too much to ask. Alternatively, pof could go with your philosophy and just let anyone email anyone. Like you said, just receiving mail does not obligate you to communicate with someone further. I don't know if the filters are really such a great idea anyway. And I wouldn't have any complaints regarding fairness if mail filtering was eliminated.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/9/2009 11:21:43 PM
Pardon my typo. I meant to say that there are 6,750,000,000 people alive today.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/9/2009 11:17:52 PM
Regarding the feasibility of filtering for various attributes, I don't think it would be that hard, with today's database technology, to implement filtering for whatever questions are answered in our profiles. With the exception, of course, of the narrative fields. As to who uses and doesn't use drugs, and whether or not drugs are legal: think about what makes a substance a drug. Do you smoke tobacco? Nicotine is a powerful drug, and smoking tobacco is extremely hazardous when done regularly over a period of time. Do you drink? Alcohol intoxication is occasionaly fatal, and is a major factor in huge numbers of accidents and fights. The dangers of driving under alcohol's influence are well-documented. If that isn't a drug, I don't know what is. How about caffeine--a central nervous system stimulant? It easily meets most definitions of the word,"drug." Taken from Wikipedia (also see references cited there): "In humans, caffeine is a central nervous system (CNS) stimulant, having the effect of temporarily warding off drowsiness and restoring alertness. Beverages containing caffeine, such as coffee, tea, soft drinks, and energy drinks enjoy great popularity. Caffeine is the world's most widely consumed psychoactive substance....In North America, 90% of adults consume caffeine daily." I've done a lot of research on drugs, legal and illegal, as it happens. I'm not pulling my statistics out of my ass, as you put it. I suspect you are, though, when you state: Personally, I suspect that the majority of people, who have adult responsibilities such as careers, home-ownership, and family obligations, don't use drugs. Please think about it. As far as priorities and dating people who use drugs or have children, why is it better to have children than to use drugs? Some drugs are a factor in destructive behavior by the user, but many aren't. Having and raising children can also be done in ways either more helpful to the world, or more harmful. This world is sustaining major damage as the result of the need to sustain the human population. We now have something like 6,750,000 people to feed, clothe, supply with energy, etc. I don't know where you live, but in my neighborhood I see many, many women less than 30 years old who have 4 or 5 children already. So I guess, in a way, I have to agree with you; it really is sad to see where some people's priorities lie. I don't use any drugs irresponsibly, and I don't have any need to justify my drug use. It is well justified already, and I'm comfortable with my choices. The main difference between me and many people is that I'm honest with myself and others about what I put in my body and why.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Children and drug use Posted: 6/8/2009 10:51:00 AM
Somebody please explain to me: why is it that we can block email from members who admit to using drugs, but not those who have children? I'll take a pot smoker over the mother of a 3-year-old any day! And who doesn't use drugs? A tiny fraction of the members here. Most are just lying about it because of the stigma attached. Worse yet, I can't block messages from women who want to have more children. What more compelling reason could there be for blocking a user than compatibility regarding this issue? Something is seriously wrong here!

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 589 (view)

IM turns me off. Posted: 6/8/2009 9:51:23 AM
Make an initial email contact with someone you think you will like based on reading their profile, have a disposable MSN or Yahoo ID and then invite them - not difficult at all - but that of course, depends on your preferred mode of contact and how adaptable one is to change and can see beyond the box to an alternate solution. We might as well just stop using POF and choose a site that offers IM. POF obviously has no intention of taking us seriously. Disposable Yahoo IDs? I find the suggestion insulting.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Do men pay attention to / care about a woman's profession? Posted: 4/17/2009 12:43:01 AM
Like Tony, I think it's cool when someone really cares about her work. To me, it's one of many possible interesting interesting facets a person can have. If someone works at what seems like a "typical" job, though, no big deal. Lots of people do. Maybe she's a great singer in her spare time, who knows? It all counts, whether it's easy to see at first or not. My $.02.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Drugs Issue Posted: 4/15/2009 11:56:36 PM
I don't think there's anything wrong with taking drugs (within limits) and I respect those who don't hide their lifestyle online. Spanna, I think you're HOT! Too bad I live so far away. Anyway, be true to yourself. Some people assume that if you take drugs there's something wrong with you, but this speaks more to their own narrow-mindedness than it does to your desireability. I also think POF should do something to distinguish between users of different drugs. I mean, "DRUGS" implies something somehow worse than alcohol, tobacco, or caffeine, which makes no sense. It sucks to be blocked from contacting people because POF makes no distinction between heroin and cannabis. Thanks for bringing up an issue in great need of attention.

realsexyrealsmart

Joined: 2/20/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Why do some of you men act so arrogant Posted: 2/25/2009 1:55:18 AM
Here's how I see it (and I've given it a lot of thought, being one of those "nice guys." When we grow up, most of us are told in every conceivable way what men are supposed to act like and what women are supposed to act like. We get our clues from who and what's around us. Both men and women have an inborn tendency to value what they don't have over what they do have. Imagine a cavewoman looking at a hunk of meat (pun intended). If she prefers the sight of it to the idea of a different hunk of meat, she could just eat it until it's gone. Then she has nothing left. On the other hand, if she thinks that the meat is nothing special, but there might be a better piece out there, she's more likely to go out and get more. Sure, the second one will turn out to be the same as the first, on average, but she ends up with twice as much food to survive on. Same logic for cavemen. Now, there hasn't been THAT much time since the cavewomen and cavemen, in terms of changing human nature. If we aren't really thinking, we still have some tendency to want what we don't have. Now add to that our tendency to follow each other's behavior, and you get a bunch of people who don't fully value what they have, and think no one else should, either. If you're a boy growing up, you learn that girls don't respond well to being valued highly, especially by someone who they aren't yet close to--at least in terms of romantic interactions. If you're a girl, you aren't expected to make your interest in someone clear until you're already with him. The result is that men are not as used to positive attention as women (again, on average). They get a little interest and think, often subconsciously, "Wow! A woman showed an interest in me. I think I'll savor the feeling. I better be careful, though. When I saw the guys in school who were desired by girls, it was the ones who acted like the girls didn't exist. The ones who really opened themselves up were the loser-guys who never got laid. If I show too much interest, that's it. I'm no loser! Besides, if one woman wants me, I'll bet others do, too. I wonder if there's someone even better out there I can attract by acting like even more of an ass? I'll just put this one on hold for awhile. She'll want me more that way anyway." The same is true for women, up to a point, but it's the guys who are really scared of showing their appreciation. Sorry if this is a bit rambly, but I think you can see what I'm getting at. Speaking of "wanting you more," here are the lyrics to "Let Me Go" by Cake and a link to a recording: "Let me go," she said "Let me go," she said Let me go and I will want you more Let me go, let me go Let me go and I will want you... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oHFbuFDy_9Q

Show ALL Forums