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Thread: Dilemma!

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 47 (view)

Dilemma! Posted: 5/20/2009 9:09:48 AM
I don't think that just because someone was violent in a relationship before they will automatically be violent again. I'm sorry but it does take two. I know a LOT of women who push and push and push, they punch and shove and humiliate and get their partners to a point where they explode. Myself, as a woman, if I were to throw a punch at a guy (i say this because I am not some hair pulling , b**** slapping miss) it would hurt and I would fully expect to get one right back. I get so sick and tired of seeing a woman throw like a man at her bf / husband / whatever and then cry abuse because he pushed her away. My ex husband and I used to brawl on occassion, and it was definately a mutual thing, we both brought out the worst in each other. He has been absolutely wonderful to his other partners and is a terrific guy. I have had other relationships and certainly didn't end up boxing in all of them! Some types of people just should never be together, it causes that toxic mix.... I say follow your heart... take it slow and keep your eyes open.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Ladies Define Confidence... Posted: 4/30/2009 12:50:11 PM
Confidence is liking yourself inside and out.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Did I do something wrong? or am i overracting? Posted: 4/30/2009 12:48:25 PM
My guess is that she probably was talking to someone else when she met you and decided to give that a whirl, hence the pof cancellation. You say good laughs, is that LOL laughs on IM or actual phone conversations? I'm sure you did nothing wrong. If it was internet problems her POF wouldn't be cancelled BTW. Just chalk it up to one step closer. You'll do fine.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Best Gift Ever.. Posted: 4/30/2009 12:38:24 PM
Best Gift: 1. SO and I were newly living together and I was busy with dinner, clean up, etc., and he went outside and picked all the juicy raspberries for me. Perfect. 2. Another ex did floor installations, tile work, etc., He made me a granite jewelry box. Still have it. 3. A marilyn monroe lighter - small, yes but shows he paid attention to what i collect AND was thinking about me during the day. Worst Gift: My ex husband bought me some lingerie and when I opened it, it was a size 3X...lol.. at the time I wore a medium. GRIN. It was a nice gesture and we still laugh about it. The sales lady was in the store when we took it back and she laughed hysterically. Best gift I gave: I always put a lot of thought into those things.... new golf clubs and a ten game pass for father's day was one.. another one, I had the kids give their dad a used ten gallon bucket for christmas but then as he opened his other presents, there was a seat thing that fit over it for ice fishing, along with all the tip up's, lure's, etc., sometimes gifts are as simple as a surprise lunch at work, or a foot rub. In my younger years, my ex worked graveyard and I picked him up from work with nothing but a long trench coat and an ice cold beer. That was kinda erotic having to get past the security guy!

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 459 (view)

why do men always have to look at other women!! Posted: 4/30/2009 7:58:51 AM
As many many other posters have said OP, we are human! Women look just as much as men IMO, women have just mastered the art of subtlety better. Although, I do have a friend who, bless his heart, had a little trick he did. He wore a watch and when his girl caught his head turning he would look at his watch and tap it like it wasn't working right... lol.. funny and cute. He loved his girl though. Some of us are very visual people. I like the car analogy. If you're driving down the freeway in your dependable, comfortable, good running car and you see a souped up beauty, you're gonna glance at it. You may admire it, you may even imagine what it would be like to drive that car, but you're not going to go trade yours in. I am not Miss America by any means, but I have no qualms about pointing out good looking girls to someone I am with, especially if she has body parts that I envy. Example.. I will point out if a girl has an awesome rack (no disrespect intented) or a beautiful round booty. I won't disrespect by pointing out a guys attributes though, although I may internally enjoy the view for a moment. The person I am with should be confident enough to know that they are the one I want to get home and get naked, not someone else. Love this time of year when shirts come off... Woot! Bless construction workers!

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

What do you expect him or her to be by the age of 30. Posted: 4/30/2009 12:35:56 AM
Yay monty0791..... Ditto what he said.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

The Emotional Toll of Dating. Posted: 4/30/2009 12:32:06 AM
People put to much emphasis on 'dating'. Dating is as much fun as anything else, if you just put it into perspective. I see so many guys and gals both that seem like really cool people and then BAM you read something or see something that makes you realize that they are really putting all their energy into finding the ever elusive 'one'. Bah.. I guess I don't buy into the soul mate thing, as humans we have the capacity to love many many times over. Relationships come and go as they are needed for us to grow in our own skin. I think if one goes on 'dates' with set expectations, then absolutely are you going to be disappointed and drained. You betcha! Aside from the physical expectations that are met or not in the first 10 seconds, then you've got the pet peeves to get over, the wondering if he or she is 'into' you or not, the who is gonna pay, blah blah blah, all of a sudden I see so many rules and advice from people that just makes it a job and makes it exhausting! So much effort and pre planning and what if's that nobody has a good time.. fuggeddaboudit.......lol... Personally speaking, I could care less about rules and what I should do or what this or that might mean. The only expectation should be that there really aren't any. Enjoy people for who and what they are and if you click... well then superfantabulous! If you don't, opt for the catch and release and be thankful you're one down! Example: I see tons of posts from people (mostly you gals) that are asking other people if some random person that you had one date with likes you, if he means this by that, etc. etc., thing is... Do you like you? What do you mean to you? If you like you, and some person that you have known for 32.7 hours doesn't, who cares? There are people I don't like, that probably don't like me either. Doesn't mean that someone out there doesn't absolutely adore them for all their quirks and weirdness, Lord knows, we've all got some! It DOES mean though, that you are just a teeny bit closer to that one that will love you to pieces, even when you are sicker than a dog, snore like a drunken trucker and are lathered in vicks vapo rub.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 43 (view)

What's in a name? Posted: 4/29/2009 9:58:34 PM
lol.. ok so guys do a little kitty corralin' haha

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 17 (view)

Is it weird for straight girls to like female strip clubs Posted: 4/29/2009 10:20:39 AM
I like going to strip clubs. I'm straight but beautiful women are very erotic, throw in all the dancing, it really sets the mood. Nothing wrong with a girl learning how to give her guy a steamy lap dance!!! Plus it's fun to pick out the stripper to perform a lap dance for your partner. And it's fun to watch your partner get turned on, at least i think so... knowing that you're gonna be the one getting the perks of that situation. Best part of strip clubs??? The strippers always let me try on their shoes. They ROCK.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

What's in a name? Posted: 4/29/2009 10:07:56 AM
Fun thread for a change! Personally speaking, I hate labels. But.. I do have different 'dating' terms for different things.. I think one of the most common experiences when dating is the, as i call it, alka seltzer fizzle. Those are the ones that you have a couple first meetings, or even first conversations.. everything is so effervescent and bubbly and then just .........FLAT. I can't do those, once the fizz goes, so do I. Then there are the girls that date twenty different dudes at once, ball jugglers. All they are doing is juggling some balls to see which ones land the best. Guys do it too, certainly. But honestly why label? Just go with the flow and see what happens. If you meet and you both like each other, great you'll see each other again.. If you meet once, for the love of God you are not missing your soul mate or anything if they don't call again. Just relax, have a good time. Either you'll eventually find yourself nuzzled in a relationship or you won't. And all this worry about whether or not to have sex with someone.... Just go with your feelings.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

would you want to know wether your potenial date has a history of alcohol and spousal abuse? Posted: 4/23/2009 8:58:14 AM
Mike - I find your reply interesting because in a sense, abuse and victims of abuse almost fall into an addiction type personality as well. It depends on a persons experiences I think. Because of my history, I would be more comfortable dating somebody who had previous domestic violence issues than somebody who was an alcoholic/addict no matter how much rehab they had been in. For the simple fact that I grew up with severely alcoholic stepfather and have gotten hurt in relationships by people who had addictions to drugs/alcohol. Funny isn't it? Ultimately, we've all got red flags all over us, what constitutes a red flag to someone else may not be a red flag to me and vice versa. To answer OP's question.. yes I would want to know. Although I can understand why someone would not want to talk about something that happened decades ago.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 51 (view)

cheating??? males perspective.. Posted: 4/23/2009 8:31:47 AM
Sorry not a male, BUT, if someone went into my email accounts behind my back, i would be infuriated and I have not had anything to hide in them. That would be it for me. No matter how much you love somebody, feeling like you have to chase them around checking cell phones, email, pockets, is not healthy. I've added the others because that's what you would end up doing. The trust is gone and whether or not he did or didn't cheat is irrelevent. Why does it matter now? I know relationships that end like this are tougher to get over because there is no closure. You don't know the answers and you won't. It's not like losing a job where you know why you were fired, or exactly why you quit BUT you have to put it in simple terms. Get back some of that control, stop chasing him, don't worry about getting back or finding out. Just take a deep breath and realize that this is the greatest time of year to be single! You're young, go outside on a warm sunny day and look at all the cuties out there. Jealousy is NOT good, and in a lot of ways, even if someone doesn't cheat, being accused of it and not trusting someone can push them towards that very thing. One other thing that pertains more to what others have said.. once a cheater does not necessarily mean always a cheater. I don't believe that whatsoever.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 16 (view)

Serious question for guys! Posted: 4/21/2009 5:15:11 PM
Wow. FourUms, I've never heard it put so simple yet eloquently. You are absolutely right and I can see that that was his way of trying. Interesting and makes me feel quite better about the situation. Someone else posted that I didn't give him space.. Negative on that one, perhaps I was not clear that I believe we should have our 'alone' time. One hundred percent. thanks so much for all the input! FourUms, you rock! Ciao~

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

Serious question for guys! Posted: 4/21/2009 9:47:49 AM
Thanks AK.. I did 'introduce' the idea. Many, many many times. My gripe wasn't so much that he wanted to go with his buddies and bond, i understood that. My issue was that not only would he not go with me, but would pitch an absolute fit if I went with another group of friends. Obviously they are primarily male. If I had a group of 'girl friends' that wanted to do those things, hurray that would be great. But.. my girl friends want to go shopping and junk that I am just not into. I hate shopping, I don't like crowds. Maybe I'm just an odd girl. grin. I think the poster above was correct, obviously not the right one and I think he did want me to be the 'little woman'.. i'd rather be having fun and being one of the guys. When I say I am very feminine... i don't mean that I would wear stilleto's and a silk dress on a fishing trip. I'd be the first to throw on a ball cap and grungy jeans. Example.. my great friends husband fishes. Her work schedule is such that she can't go. She had no qualms about him and I going, but my BF freaked on that one. Said it wasn't 'appropriate'.. ugh.. I hate that word! I was ecstatic in the beginning that we shared same interests.. Hopefully next time I engage in cohabitated bliss I will ensure that those interests can actually be done together!! I really don't want to sit at home with my thumb in my rear trying to appease an alpha who thinks I should be crocheting him a hat or something while he's catching a killer pike!

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Serious question for guys! Posted: 4/21/2009 9:17:51 AM
LOL.. don't even get me started on the camping and ball games!! HA. I should also state that i am a single mom of BOYS that are very athletic and very very outdoors. We get rowdy during football season, i get my car washed quite a bit when my team kicks the crap out of my boys teams.. grin. Maybe it's just intimidating?? Maybe he was afraid I would have to bait his hook? lol..

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Serious question for guys! Posted: 4/21/2009 9:01:46 AM
So, here's a question for ya, and this has to do with an old relationship. It left me quite in a conundrum. The issue: I am very feminine, and yet at the same time very much a tomboy. I am the girl that would rather hang out with the boys drinking a few beers, fishing, working on cars (or watching I should say, perhaps being the gopher). I have a bunch of friends that are male and I realize that that can be intimidating to some guys. My last relationship, I was respectful enough to pull back on some of those male friendships BUT.......... my ex boyfriend would constantly go do things with his buddies like fishing, hunting, etc.. that's fine and well. Everyone needs their alone time. I began to get a little resentful though because NEVER was I invited to go. My fishing pole has been sitting by my front door for a year and hasn't been used. I am not much of a shopper and my girlfriends like to go hang out at the bar, which I don't feel is good all the time in a relationship either. My ex would get mad if I mentioned the possibility of me going fishing with my guy friends because it wasn't 'appropriate'. So in order to appease, I was stuck at home. I told him one day that I felt he was the only guy I knew that didn't appreciate the tomboy side. In fact, he really insulted me by setting up a 'couples' thing with one of his friends and his wife. They were going to go hiking and look for deer horns. I was excited until I discovered that THEY, as in the GUYS were doing that. I was supposed to sit with dudes wife while she wanted to teach me to crochet. WTF? Hell no. I am not a girl that wants to be a guy by any means. As I said, I am feminine, but I grew up on a farm. I drove combines at 16. I don't crochet. I am an awesome cook but if you need something hemmed, by God I am going to take it to a seamstress. Not my deal. I love watching UFC, and yet I was left at home time and again. Screw it, I started ordering it myself on pay per view and inviting my brother and his buddies over. Pissed him off but dang, what is one supposed to do? Anyway, I just want the opinions of some other guys... I can understand wanting to go hang out with no girlfriend around, believe me we all need space. But it was just kinda ridiculous. Crochet? For real? And , as a woman, if your significant other does not do the things that you like to do with you, but with his friends, is it that big of a deal if you go do those things with your friends? Even if the only friends that do those things are guys??

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 70 (view)

LADIES......TELL US WHAT YOU WANT MOST FROM US AND THEN TELL US ONCE YOU GET IT ARE YOU HAPPY>? Posted: 3/26/2009 9:00:42 AM
Interesting comments. lol.. True.. needs / wants are not always the same. We all bring baggage to the table that makes our needs/wants fairly unique to each of us. To put plain and simple for myself: I want someone who says what they mean and means what they say. I need that for a relationship to work because that's how i operate. A man who values his word above his worth is more important to me than someone who has a kickass job and a brand new car.. who gives a rats ass about the material crap? If i want something material i'll go get it myself. Romance is overrated. Don't bring me flowers, bring me a cold washcloth and a cup of tea when i'm sick and i'll do the same for you. That's romance. Mow the yard, while I rake behind you or vice versa. That's partnership. Whisper in my ear how much you want me while i'm making dinner. That's chemistry. short list.... honor, integrity, and passion for life. Hmmm... a samurai pony? giggle.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Wild & Crazy Folks Posted: 3/24/2009 5:02:45 PM
An experiment in Artificial Stupidity As useful as a one legged man in an ass kicking contest Body by God, Mind by Mattel Got a mind like a steel trap.. rusted shut. Takes an hour and a half to watch 60 minutes. my favorite: suffers from rectal/cranial inversion. (head up your ass)

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 31 (view)

One liners Posted: 3/24/2009 9:28:23 AM
One liner joke... Did you hear about the seven dwarfs sitting around feeling sleepy? So he left. Did you hear about the gay midget? He finally came out of the cupboard. Why do women wear makeup and perfume? Cuz they're ugly and they stink. Do you know what a woman says after she has an 'O'? didn't think so. Greatest one liner line.... that shirt is very becoming on you. If I was that shirt i'd be coming on you too.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 186 (view)

Funny pick up lines Posted: 3/24/2009 9:21:11 AM
I once had a guy offer to cook me breakfast if I went home with him. I told him I like my eggs unfertilized thanks.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Profile Names/Headings ... Name the Top Cliches Posted: 3/24/2009 9:19:05 AM
How about the social drinkers that state they like to stay home and cuddle and all their pictures are of them with their ten buddies doing keg stands? lol at the 'sole' mate..... Or women that state that they just got out of an abusive relationship and are looking for someone to love them. Could that be any more whiny and ridiculous? How about just a sign that says, i am emotionally f'd up, please save me. Or even..gag... looking for prince charming. Or the guys with headings like -sohot2trot, tonguekisses4u, etc... puke in my mouth.. ugh..

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 156 (view)

3 words you don't want to hear during sex Posted: 3/24/2009 9:08:23 AM
Oops, my bad. LOL.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 63 (view)

Ignorance as bliss? Smart vs happy? Posted: 3/23/2009 9:17:04 AM
Hmmmm.. I have often thought about this.. I am intelligent, IQ in the 150+ range, and I overanalyze everything. However, for me there is satisfaction at coming to answers that make sense to me. That satisfaction is happiness in it's own right. If you are not intelligent ( i won't say ignorant because they are two different things) then happiness would mean something vastly different. What makes me happy is not going to make someone else happy. It's all relative. I am blissfully happy when I tuck my kids in and give them a good night kiss. I am blissfully happy when I wake up and stretch and enjoy that moment of your toes stretching out as far as they can and your arms up way over your head, the feel of the warm sheets on your skin and the cool air on your face. I am also blissfully happy with a cup of hot coffee. Who are we to say that Stephen Hawking (in response to some posters) is not happy in his own right with those things that he can do? I once spent a couple weeks walking with and spending time with people that society would deem 'unworthy'.. homeless men that lived in a shelter, prostitutes, etc.. and each of them felt true happiness every day even amidst their situation and level of intelligence or lack of. To really discuss this we would need to have a definition of happiness, and the fact that for every human being there is a different definition makes it incredibly difficult. Those of us that are parents find happiness with our children, those that don't want children find happiness in other fulfilling aspects of their life. Those that are 'simple' find happiness in little things, that those of us with higher intelligence would find mundane. I met a young man when I was just in my teens, he was what one would call a simpleton. He was made fun of a lot. He was an orphan, abandoned at birth by his mother, but he was so full of joy. He did not see other peoples criticism or pity or jokes. I spent many a night sitting with him at Denny's, you could say I felt very protective and to do that made me happy. He would have been happy regardless, he found joy in having enough change to buy a new pair of pants at Goodwill, his 'bliss' if you will, was found in having new batteries for his walkman. Music made his soul sing. I have often tried to emulate that throughout my life, when to many thoughts are crashing through my head at a time, I remember Vinnie and I smile and that makes me happy. Simple ones don't necessarily wish for what us intelligent ones have because they don't know the difference but for us intelligent ones to every now and again dip into the examples the simple ones show us, it is awesome. I find the hardest part of being highly intelligent is finding like minded people and feeling as if you have to 'dummy down' at times.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

Morality and Faith Posted: 3/23/2009 8:47:31 AM
Verzen - those that truly do have a strong faith will not judge or condemn you for your lack of, or for your ideals. I have been an analyst and and an agnostic for the majority of my life. It has been the last year only that I have realized my own personal direction. And that has come from much studying of many different religions. Complete studying. Many people make the mistake of only reading snippets of the Bible and not fully understanding the concepts. My theories, my beliefs do have roots in the Bible, and like you I used to scorn the old testament rules and regulations. Look at the crusades I would say. Christians killed numerous people, just like those followers of the Quaran are doing today. Murder in the name of religion is not what is intended, it is people spinning their own interpretations way out of control. It is a difficult area because there are hundreds of thousands of religious sects around the world. For me, finally understand the difference and the reasons for the old testament vs the new testament was huge. Is my interpretation the same as everyone elses? No I would say it isn't at all. Threats immoral? Threats come from passing judgment on someone else, so in that way, absolutely. And you have every right to tell someone that is passing judgement on you that they are not a true Christian person. The New Testament does not condone evil acts in any way, that is where the role of Jesus came into play from a purely scholarly perspective. I think morality is in each of us, it is part of our makeup, our psyche if you will. The most important message of morality, the most important message in the Bible is Love. Love each other, love the people that cause you harm as much as you love those that don't. That is what I try to attain every day and it is tough. Can you have love as a fellow human being for those dredges of society that should be locked away? Again, it is tough. Similarly, that same message can be found in most religious texts or doctrines. Regardless of a persons faith, where they are going, or where they have been.. love is really the most important thing. To love doesn't mean that you condone what other people do, and it doesn't mean to be a doormat. You can put someone out of your life and still have love for them in a human way. It is not my right, nor any one else's to judge someone for anything. I would like to ask that you think a bit on your own statements OP, as you claim that 'the religious even think it's moral to tell someone that must believe the same or they will burn for all of eternity'... Not ALL who claim to have faith are that way, and I am sorry that you have run into only those. Someone else made a comment in regards to killing someone who is kidnapping a child. There are circumstances where killing is different than murder. I can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that I would have no qualms taking someone's life that was harming my children. Would that be murder? Or would that be justified killing? It is not my place to make that determination. I consider myself a Christian, but I do not judge anyone for anything that they have done, are doing, or will do. I hope that you can see that not all of us that believe in God are bad people. :)-

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 521 (view)

Teased for liking bbw's Posted: 3/20/2009 11:03:14 AM
Someone help me to understand (and I'm a female) what the term BBW means. I can understand why a man would be confused, hell I'm confused! I'm tall, I'm thick, I'm HWP, you know.. bigger hips and boobs than my waist.. technically speaking what key deteremines a BBW from curvy? Is it a size? Someone in here referenced a size 18.. ok is that a size 18 on someone that is 6' or 5'2"? Big difference. Just asking for some clarification. As far as getting teased for what you like, screw them. I'm a chubby chaser, my friends know it and they do tease me but in a good way. They know I would rather hold on to a snuggly belly than ribs.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Sexually attracted to somebody you don't like? Posted: 3/20/2009 10:49:24 AM
I'm glad others think this is fairly common. There was a guy after my divorce that I downright loathed, couldn't stand to be around him and the feeling was very mutual. A few drinks and a few rounds of verbal sparring and next thing you know....went on for a bit.. to the point we would get into an argument, one or the other would get up to leave and the arrangement would be made to meet up later.. lol.. funny thing is.. he is no way, shape, or form my type.. intellectually, physically, etc. We agreed not to let it happen again but..shrug...it did. Funniest part is that now we are actually pretty good friends and gripe to each other about current relationships.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Relationships and the Recession ... Posted: 3/19/2009 5:51:34 PM
I think it does have something to do with evaluating where you are in your life, as some other posters stated. I know that my job did away with raises and bonuses this year, and it made me take a good look at certain things. In particular whether or not I wanted to waste time on someone who was not into a partnership so to speak. Do I need someone to support me? No way. However, if I decide to enter into a long term relationship that would involve cohabitating, then there better be a 50/50 split of household finances, groceries, etc... The person I was with was perfectly content for me to pay the bills and he would pitch in when he felt necessary or as he was "able". Not being able to budget and plan for emergencies is not what I want. He is content to spend all his $$ as he gets it and use change to pay for his needs for the last few days prior to a paycheck. He would then take draws as he felt necessary to pay for HIS personal needs, gas, cigarettes, beer, which depleted his checks even more. Meanwhile, all of my $$ went for bills and food. Didn't make me a happy camper when I am out of cereal, milk and TP and he comes waltzing in with a half rack of Busch. GRIN.. Sounds pretty ghetto eh? Precisely why it isn't that way now. Due to downsizing, had to let him go. Had to reconsider that great sex wasn't worth the economic strain.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Strawberries and whipped cream Posted: 3/19/2009 1:28:50 PM
Personally speaking, keep it clean and simple. Grab a glass of ice and a cup of HOT tea and the temperature change on your tongue is both unexpected and FUN. Not to mention you don't wake up stuck to each others body parts. However.. side note.. if you wanna have some sticky fun, try some pop rocks!

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 261 (view)

Does being/becoming overweight influence relationships? Posted: 3/19/2009 9:37:41 AM
I am finding it odd that this poster is somewhat being bashed for sharing honest feelings. Whatever preference someone has IS legitimate. If the person you marry lets themself go, I think it shows not only underlying issues on their part, but underlying issues within the relationship itself. I am not talking about the natural changes that time makes, let's face it, we are not all going to be 'hot' when we are 60. Personally speaking, I am not a skinny or slim woman. I have always had meat on my bones, I have that kind of a build. I also know that I have to be careful of what I eat, and I have to ensure that I exercise or I do have a tendency to 'plump' up. After having kids, I became a bit more rounded and, in my opinion, womanly. I keep myself healthy but I don't kill myself to be skinny because that's not me. Am I too 'fluffy' for some? Sure. Am I too fluffy for me? Nah, and I haven't ever had trouble with dates. My confidence in myself draws people to me who like me for me, some think i'm sexy and some prefer the petite slim type of my sister. It's all relative. If I were to go and pig out while in a relationship and pack on a bundle, there would be obvious problems and whether we like it or not, the physical attraction piece of a relationship is important. Should this person cheat? No, of course not. They need to take a look at the other issues and probably end the relationship. If she is not willing to take care of herself, why should he take care of her? I had a SO who gained probably 40 pounds in about six months, I didn't mind the weight. What I did mind were the underlying issues, his depression, etc. which were manifested not only in the weight gain but in his ever increasing alcoholism. We all have preferences and in relationships, it's our job to keep ourselves healthy and happy with ourselves and our partner. If I was no longer attracted physically to someone, it would be time to re-evaluate the relationship because we are human and physical attraction is based first on what is aesthetically pleasing to us as individuals. I have a friend who is very overweight. He is always trying to get dates and nobody will date him. However, IF he would dress a bit differently and take more pains with his appearance the weight wouldn't be such a factor. As it stands, not only is he overweight, he doesn't care in the least that he dresses like a slob and smells like he doesn' t shower often enough. Who would want to get naked and sweaty with that? If I put on 30 pounds and moped around and didn't care about my appearance, I wouldn't want to get naked with myself, how could i expect someone else to find me appealing?

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 44 (view)

Forehead Kissing Posted: 3/17/2009 4:50:14 PM
To me.. it means the spark has gone or was not ever there. It's affectionate and means I care about the person, but not in a sexual way.

Joined: 2/22/2009

Msg: 106 (view)

Changing perceptions of the father Posted: 3/5/2009 10:41:06 AM
I am ecstatic to be able to post on this forum. My ex husband is an AMAZING father. Our marriage may not have worked but that doesn't take from the fact that him and I do a terrific job of coparenting. Our children are equally split between us, and we live close enough that quite frankly, the boys decide for the most part who they will be with that night, depending on whatever events are going on, etc.. We do have a structured base, it's not a free for all, but if he has the opportunity to take them somewhere and I don't, great or the other way around. We take turns picking them up from school based on our schedules. They are very sports oriented, he coaches most of their teams and I do the team mom bit. We get along so well working for our kids, that many other parents have thought we were still married. As a mom, of course, there are the little issues.. you know.. did you pack a snack, did they get a bath, did they brush their teeth, but when all is said and done... he would die to protect his kids and loves them with all of his heart. We are lucky in the sense that we don't worry about the child support issues, we flip flop tax exemptions every year and we make holidays work. We have been divorced for almost six years now, maybe seven....anyway, it was rough at first for the two of us and our animosity but even during those times when I couldn't stand to be in the same room with him, we still put our kids above and beyond anything else. He also gained custody of his daughters from a previous marriage while him and I were married and after our divorce, he did a great job raising those girls. He is truly a good Dad and no matter how or why our marriage ended, I will always respect him 210% for that!

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