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 Author Thread: Guys that want no strings attached
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 34 (view)
 
Guys that want no strings attached
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:57:22 PM
No strings means don't tie me down. Don't expect me to be your one and only as I only want to date you and others and see if I click with anyone that I would like to have strings attached to.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
small face issue
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:54:11 PM
Shankarkcc you look healthy fit and fine! If you are healthy be thankful you don't have the issues those who struggle to loose weight, and get fit and happy have.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Strategies to avoid Holiday weight gain?
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:50:26 PM
Learned from my big past mistakes. Now, year round I eat as I do everyday. More vegetables, no desserts aside from rare occasions. I know the foods I need to avoid. Smaller plate, smaller servings. And only one dinner on holidays, not going back over and over like many people do. In fact, I loose weight during the holidays. Simply because when its cool or cold outside I am into more outside activities, like different types of skiing, both salomon and cross country.

Helps that I don't drink on a regular basis. Its amazing how many calories alcohol has in it, and eggnog! Then you have people who bake cookies as a gift. These get passed on to fit happy elderly friends who love having cookies to share with visitors.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Why are religions so confined?
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:34:30 PM
First off not all religions seek converts like Christians and Muslims. The media doesn't spend much time covering the citizens of planet earth who aren't at each others throats.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/23/2009 11:19:07 PM

Raredawn wrote:My take on it is: if you can do it in front of children ages 4 to 14 then its affection. If its something that would make an adult over 25 blush, then its probaly passion


YES!!!!!!

That's an excellent take on the subject. Sometimes I think some people assume a person or couple aren't affectionate, because they don't do passionate things around other people. But in private they can be the most affectionate and passionate imaginable. This whole topic has had me thinking.

When I meet friends I hug. Is that affection or is that simply being friendly toward someone I know well and treasure? When I see my family members I hug. Is that affection?

For some its similar to saying 'have a nice day' or asking how someone is, yet not really being interested. Some things are done out of habit and not much thought.

Now when you meet someone of the opposite sex, whom you do not know well enough to call a close friend, do you expect them to hug and kiss you? Or is a brief hug alone alright?

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 17 (view)
 
Life's Little Luxuries
Posted: 11/23/2009 10:57:01 PM

CalifBoomergirl wrote: I do buy myself flowers once in a while, not as often as I would like to. What is it about a pretty vase of flowers that perks you up when you are feeling blue?......Oh, and I also buy myself really fragrant imported bath soap, but I get it at Ross where is it only about $3.00 a bar and lasts forever.


Even my straight male friends like it when I bring some simple fresh flowers when I stop by to see them. They say in the winter especially that fresh flowers bring a sense of life into a home. As for soap, a dear friend makes the best goat milk and fresh lavader soap, that smells so nice and lathers great.

Also fresh chocolate chip and macadamia nut cookies. Am making dozens of them as gifts this year, as I do most years.

I really think men and women should make a serious effort to do something nice for themselves weekly. Yes, weekly. Doesn't have to cost much either.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Selfish or natural?
Posted: 11/23/2009 8:01:19 PM
Mel1509 Don't beat yourself up. After my husband died, I found myself looking at other couples and my heart ached, and maybe even envied them in some way. But it gets easier. And then when you aren't even looking and are doing something you love the right person may well appear. ~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Unsure about church singles
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:54:04 PM
Das9041 A lot depends on the church and if its the kind where they will try and get you to believe as they do, or change how you are. Or are they more secular as a singles group?

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Are there some men who really DON'T like women but need their sexual needs met?
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:35:52 PM
Why do people ask questions and then when they don't get the responses they wanted they act like a spoiled child throwing a tantrum?

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Life's Little Luxuries
Posted: 11/23/2009 7:25:03 PM
CalifBoomergirl wrote: I splurged on Friday and bought myself a bottle of Godiva Chocolate Liqueur. I realized that once in a while we have to be good to ourselves just because we deserve it. Sometimes I treat myself to Alaskan King Crab legs or Dungeness Crab from Costco. All for Me. YUM. What little luxuries do you indulge in for no other reason than just to spoil yourself?


Interesting fun question.


Personally I tend to 'budget' for things I love that aren't normal needs. Eat Dungeness crab pretty much every week when its in season, since I grew up going crabbing with Coleman lanterns at low tide. And black truffles are something I use in cooking in some way every few months so when they are a good price from my supplier I invest in two. Yes, invest. And this time of year for the adults in my life during the holiday season I buy a favorite of all of ours, Teuscher's Champagne Truffes (the candy).

Grew up being taught by example. My parents believed we should use the good china, crystal and silver during the week and not just on special occasions. And because I am not a shopper, and actually avoid shopping malls, I have money for special things when I want them. And my parents taught me to by quality, not quanity.

Am very zen in that I like simplicity and even what one would call minimalist style. While I love my orchids plant I do buy fresh flowers like iris, or tulips, for a special vase I have.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
ED over 45
Posted: 11/23/2009 4:48:02 PM
ED is very common in men once they hit age 40. Doesn't mean they are dead or washed up. Stress, high blood pressure medications, diabetes both type 1 and 2, heart medications can effect a mans ability to get and keep an erection.

Work with some awesome physicians and they all say that in many cases simply taking ones time and not giving up or making the man feel he has failed, can often make things better. Urologist offices have wonderful free booklets on the subject as do most internists and even general practitioners, so pick one up.

And lets not forget the issues pre and post menopause women face.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
so confused!
Posted: 11/23/2009 4:38:17 PM
People post a question to strangers and the strangers,going only on what the poster has asked, then comment, only to have the OP get mad because they aren't getting the responses they wanted. Obviously we aren't dealing with a thinking adult.

Having said that, anyone who moves to fast after meeting someone online, has a 9 times out of 10 (according to various studies) of failing, because these same studies denote a sense of neediness or desperation on the part of one of the persons involved. Some psychologists call it a desperate obsession.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
told myself I would never do it
Posted: 11/23/2009 2:19:16 PM
Friend? You dont know the meaning of the word.

She instigated it? You are NO friend much less a REAL man, since a friend and a real man would have chewed her out and reminded HER she is married!!!

Good god I hope any woman who would be interested in you would have someone tell her what you are REALLY like.

Ever think that you might not be the first slime ball she has cheated with?

Dare you to tell her husband what his friend did to his wife.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:29:56 PM
Blueyesrsmiling your question came up during dinner this evening. And the man I am seeing noted that someone who is in a great relationship, has passion and affection for the person they have in their life, but its not always in your face. He's a psychiatrist and noted that when two people who are equals are into each other, affection can be spending time together and laughing a lot, sharing a common interest, even sitting and reading a loud to each other (told him of a new book about Chief Justice Rehnquist who did this with his wife) and cooking together.

The affection is in being together. If some love being touched a lot fine. But just because others don't, doesn't mean they lack affection.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Asking-a-guy, about Dating over 45, & holiday expectations
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:15:18 PM
Message #2 by Widowsdesire is excellent!

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
No sparks should I try again?
Posted: 11/22/2009 11:09:18 PM

forumsrfun wrote: I have been e-mailing back and forth with a guy for over a month. We couldn't meet right away since he was travelling but exchanged recent pictures and were both very excited about meeting each other. I usually don't feel a connection with people I meet but with this one, because we had exchanged hundreds of e-mails, I felt very close to him. On the first date, I was so nervous that I was a bit stand-offish and cold and was not myself at all. After the date, he e-mailed me to say sorry but he felt no chemistry towards me. I thought it was nice that he let me know how he felt and thanked him.


One reason people agree to meet is to see if there is a spark or attraction. So one knows going in that they need to be prepared and be themselves. And you are in your forties, not your teens. You had your chance. Learn from it and be better prepared next time. Or....you could write and tell him what you have told total strangers here on POL

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 24 (view)
 
Man asks woman to go to his home after dinner on first date
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:59:23 PM
Skysunmoon I read your profile and see you are in San Jose. Went out to a great restaurant in Palo Alto with a great guy from a university nearby and when we were eating he suggested we go to his place which was a mile away, and I knew was a good area, and knew he was a good man and not one to do anything dangerous. But I have known him for months and months and we have mutual friends.

Don't know what your mans profession is, but I think some men in certain professions are safer, since they have reputations to protect. And I always call a friend or my son and tell him where I am at, when I am leaving to come home etc., since we have face freeways and remote roads and if I am not home within a certain number hours they call the CHP. A good man would understand a woman who wanted to be safe and would gladly give his home address so she could let someone know where she would be and for how long.

Bear in mind I married my late husband after knowing him two days.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 31 (view)
 
sticking to your own 'kind'
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:38:32 PM
AlmondTreeLife wrote: I don't think the races should mix. It's as un-natural as same sex sex and is bad for any country. The races should strive to be separate.....live separate but equal...strive for having their own countries or states within which to live and marry amoungst their own kind. ........That being said....it is not a good idea for divorce should two people of mixed races already be married....but I think it's a good idea not to date people of other races in the first place. .......This is not being a "hateful racist".....it's being a natural racist.....a biblical racist......the cultures and races should be distinct. ....Do I think this will happen....probably not......the Powers that Be espouse mixing of the races so that there will be conflict....Nations should have one language and one race. Dating and marriage should follow this same principle. There are exceptions.....and I don't disparage anyone who is currently following a mixed race marriage or dating course......but those who have not done so......should not even consider it.


Someone obviously doesn't know much about the Torah, since the Jewish texts are rich with intermarriage. Golly geez what do we do with all those brilliant interracial, mixed culture, writers, artists, medical and science men and women from past decades and centuries who gave us so much good? And how about those Greeks who had so many dang homosexuals and as a country is known as the birthplace of western civilization.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Do we expect more?
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:28:54 PM
Terri1111 The internet is simply a modern tool, and nothing else. Some sites for singles are very very good and some are mediocre. Issue oriented site seem to be the best, in my view. Sites geared toward someone who is serious about skiing, kayaking,, high tech or science, bridge or chess, agnostic or religious are better.

Now if someone lives in a great area like here nearer to San Francisco, Berkeley, the Sierras, rarely strikes out if they simply get involved in activities with like minded people. While someone from a smaller town, further from a larger area with more activities may have a harder time.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
How Much Should I Disclose?
Posted: 11/22/2009 10:10:18 PM
Alas I agree with others who say to tell Dirk she is interested in him but is old fashioned and would like him to approach her.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Is altruism is hard-wired into the brain?
Posted: 11/22/2009 5:21:22 PM
The Altruism Equation: Seven Scientists Search for the Origins of Goodness by Lee Alan Dugatkin is a good book. From Publishers Weekly says 'If evolution involves a competition for survival, then how can we explain altruism? Biologist Dugatkin (Cheating Monkeys and Citizen Bees: The Nature of Cooperation in Animals and Humans) splendidly narrates a fast-paced tale of scientific breakthrough, genius and intellectual history as he examines the lives of seven scientists—from T.H. Huxley through Richard Dawkins and E.O. Wilson—whose groundbreaking work attempts to answer this question. Darwin's "bulldog," T.H. Huxley, believed altruism was rare, and that blood kinship provided the key to an evolutionary understanding of altruism. The Russian anarchist Prince Pyotr Kropotkin, on the other hand, believed altruism was widespread and unrelated to kinship. But the idea of the kinship link won out, and in the 1960s, William Hamilton developed a cost-benefit analysis to explain the genetic basis of altruism: "If a gene for altruism is to evolve, then the cost of altruism must somehow be balanced by compensating benefits to the altruist." Stephen Emlen of Cornell has found remarkable evidence of Hamilton's Rule in his studies of bee eaters in Kenya. The impact of Hamilton's Rule "on evolutionary biology has been as great as the impact of Newton's laws of motion on physics," says Dugatkin. This superb tale of scientific discovery is required reading for everyone interested in the nature of human morality'. And Ayn Rand didnt like the idea.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 41 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 4:58:22 PM
Blueyesrsmiling makes some excellent points in message #37. One reason I have a cat is because she is independent and doesn't need the attention a dog needs. And I like getting and giving a massage to the person in my life, but its not the needy type affection, but is more for relaxation. And I like smiling at people, and receiving smiles. But I don't like people I do not know touching me. In fact in orthodox Jewish communities, a woman would never touch a man who wasn't a family member.

When living in places like Japan, Greece, Israel finding PDA's is the exception not the norm. One reason I like Sweden so much is they don't have the need to affection like one sees here in the states. Yet Swedes are known as very sensual, sexual people.

Is it just me, or did this thread evolve from being about needing affection and sex in a relationship to everyone needing affection?

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 47 (view)
 
PLEASE HELP!!!!
Posted: 11/22/2009 4:35:07 PM
Starbuckgirl simply proves people attract the people they deserve. The fact she is 44 ....speaks volumes. Oh and typing in caps (see her profile) denotes screaming, and attention seeking and thus immaturity.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 35 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 4:24:07 PM
The statement that all people need touch is simply lacking in any scientific fact. High functioning asperger men/women who are a huge part of the working force here in (CA) Silicon Valley, science and engineering field often dislike touch. Although they make great spouses and lovers. And most autistic children dislike touch.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 28 (view)
 
Sex is sex and we no longer need to give or receive affection? What has happened to our age group?
Posted: 11/22/2009 3:26:24 PM
Some people simply don't need affection like others do. It could be because of asperger issues, which many many highly intelligent, successful men/women have, or because one has grown up knowing they were loved and appreciates sans the slobbering kisses and hugs. Then they become adults and know they are appreciated and respected by how people treat them and to them that is akin to affection, yet no kissing, hugging and overuse of nice words are used. Or even wanted.

And as they age these traits are simply more obvious because the people who express concern are themselves needy in some way, because getting older they feel less appreciated, needed or desirable. Am a big believer in the idea that I am loved by how I am treated not by some words someone says to me. m trying to remember the book I read where this topic was discussed and how the researchers found that those women who didn't do the gushy, clingy stuff but knew they were appreciated and needed, had more sex and felt secure enough that instead of playing games, hinting at the desire for sex, they simply spoke up and said things like 'I'm horny', 'Lets have sex'.

My late husband and I probably said 'I love you' a few times per year. But we knew we loved each other because we had such great fun every day, laughed every day, shared interests and were interested in each others works. Something Herman Obermayer's new books on his late friend Chief Justice William Rehnquist speaks to.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 15 (view)
 
sticking to your own 'kind'
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:44:40 PM

yfs2108 wrote: How has online dating affected interacial relationships? Has it liberated and enabled people to date outside their culture by connecting people all over the world? Or have culture-specific dating websites reinforced sticking to your own 'kind'?


In my view much depends on where one lives. Living so close to San Francisco, U C Berkeley, Stanford University and a dozen other excellent universities, we tend to be more progressive and not at all averse to different cultures, religions/agnostics, ethnic groups etc. Many a small town person who has attended a big university comes away changed. Some excellent books on the subject.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 92 (view)
 
What we women do for a date..
Posted: 11/22/2009 2:13:06 PM
SimplyStella202 wrote: Beth.. I believe there are two types of high maintenance.. One is Emotional High Maintenance, a clingy, needy, whiny woman, and I'm not! If I like to do things for myself to feel at my utmost best, why do you find something wrong with it? I suggest you take a look in the mirror..


Look at the subject line. What we women do for a date. Women who do all that you have written about ad nauseam do it by choice. Did the man ask you or expect you to do it? Again read the subject line. You could have titled it What I choose to do for a date. Would have sounded less martyrdomish.

As for me looking in the mirror, I bathe, and am clean and neat and am attracted to the same men I attract, which are skiers, kayakers and other outdoor types. Fretting over make up and other girly things is a turn off to them.

~Beth~

PS :mtnskigirl you and some of the other women are damn smart!
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 62 (view)
 
A question about dominant men. Can they also be gentlemen?
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:56:38 PM
Truebloodgirl wrote: Do you think it is possible to find a man, given modern environment who is aggressive is the bedroom and more dominant that can leave it there and still be a gentleman outside it..or do you think that this behaviour is more a characteristic of the 'alpha male' personality and will undoubtedly bleed into their everyday personality? I guess I ask from a sociological dating perspective...


These men are everywhere. Same with women who have to be in leadership roles at work, yet love having a man take charge in the bedroom. Or the person who is into martial arts, but very zen at work. Its all about balance. Like a woman who knows when to be a lady and when to be wild.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Would like your opinion
Posted: 11/22/2009 1:50:05 PM
Ambie26 maybe its not that you both have so much in common, but that things moved way to fast. Kissing after the first meet? And then you even note 'Our relationship moved very quickly ....'. And in the four weeks you met a lot of his friends and he met you family. So he simply woke up and realized that he had allowed things to move faster than was comfortable.

Personally I think women need to slow down and not allow oneself to get sucked in to fast. For me its akin to stepping back, taking a deep breath and looking at the entire person and asking some serious questions about whether the person is someone a person wants in their life for months, years, decades. There is such an euphoria when we first encounter a new person whom we really like. All of a sudden some people start over focusing on all the good stuff and the negatives if there are any, get put on the back burner, or are wished away. Its the back burner items that one needs to thing about.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 26 (view)
 
WTH was he thinking?
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:58:39 AM
Maybe I am just odd but if a man were to suggest going for drinks and he was driving I would tell him I dont like the idea of drinking and driving even if its one drink, so could we do something else instead. Comes from having my late husband and our son hit by a drunk driver. Now if we were in the city and he could take a cab home that would be different, although I would be drinking virgin drinks, since I would be driving home.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 110 (view)
 
Men and self esteem
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:48:16 AM
What I like about the Dove commercials is its telling young girls that being healthy and natural is good.

Although we now have Kate Moss who was a horrid student, who this week said 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels'. Makes me mad that education isn't stressed more, yet getting plastic surgery, starving oneself is given so much attention.

Am glad the whole metro sexual male thing has faded. But then I like natural men who are comfortable in their own skin.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 84 (view)
 
Complicated Girl Question
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:22:15 AM
Ok maybe I am naive, but whatever happened to do unto others? Could never ever play games with a man, as I dont play games with people, period. If I were to change my mind I would simply say I changed my mind. I would understand were a man to ever tell me he had changed his mind about going out. I see it as the adult thing to do.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 80 (view)
 
Heavier Americans Push Back on Health Debate
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:16:06 AM
James Bottomtooth III, I agree with 'If you want to find people that live for the most part disease free just find a completely isolated community', if these places are still around. Am thinking of remote jungle people whose water and lifestyles are being ruined because first world companies come in and pollute their rivers and environment. Am not big on most pharmaceutical companies who seem to have the motto 'make a need and fill it'.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 77 (view)
 
What we women do for a date..
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:07:59 AM
This whole topic simply shows that some women are more high maintenance than other women. Makes you wonder what type of man needs/wants a woman who needs to do all the high maintenance stuff to appear sexy or sensual to a man.

And why some great men like a woman who looks natural and smells clean. And is more apt to be an any where, any time, any place type of lover.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 76 (view)
 
What we women do for a date..
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:07:17 AM
This whole topic simply shows that some women are more high maintenance than other women. Makes you wonder what type of man needs/wants a woman who needs to do all the high maintenance stuff to appear sexy or sensual to a man.

And why some great men like a woman who looks natural and smells clean. And is more apt to be an any where, any time, any place type of lover.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 75 (view)
 
What we women do for a date..
Posted: 11/22/2009 12:04:59 AM
This whole topic simply shows that some women are more high maintenance than other women. Makes you wonder what type of man needs/wants a woman who needs to do all the high maintenance stuff to appear sexy or sensual to a man.

And why some great men like a woman who looks natural and smells clean. And is more apt to be an any where, any time, any place type of lover.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Communication issues
Posted: 11/21/2009 11:45:45 PM
Obviously he knows you have a communication problem, so simply take the risk and ask him to help you open up more, and tell him you want to know more about him and what he likes etc, but you also want to respect his privacy, and he may well be impressed and open up more himself. What are his goals in life and what are his passions? What does he like most about himself and what does he find attractive in a woman? Talk about world affairs, social concerns etc. Ask him what he would like to talk about.....

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
He is not in to me or dont want anything serious???
Posted: 11/21/2009 11:40:50 PM
Precious314 is he anglo or Asian? You have been seeing him six months, and when you have texted him he always answers. Stay in touch with him if you like. And ask him if he is interested in seeing you.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
Signs of Testing
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:35:00 PM
SFD70 contact her again. These are hard economic times and between her new job, and having to deal with a child it may be that you simply got her at a bad time. Try again.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Smoking, who to blame!
Posted: 11/21/2009 10:24:06 PM
So many people want to blame others for the choices they have made. If its not tobacco, its alcohol, junk food, high fructose corn sugar in drinks and sweets. We cant ban everything just because some people use or abuse the item in question.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
How much is POF affected seasonally??
Posted: 11/21/2009 9:17:39 PM
NYTimes has had articles on the subject. And it varies vastly depending on the type of site. Am here on POF for the forums. But they were correct in one article I read that noted single sites geared toward specific interests.

Like sites I know well where singles with a variety of outdoor activities, stay pretty steady no matter the time of year, because member are looking for a single who also does year round out door activities. Have had more dates between November and March when we have great snow here in the Sierras. Sierra Club has great singles outings.

The agnostic single sites are pretty steady, since intellectual pursuits are year round pursuits. Gardening single sites are hit and miss depending on where one lives. The bird watcher single site has year round active members. Don't know about other sites firsthand.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 19 (view)
 
Internet daters: are we damaging our social skills?
Posted: 11/21/2009 9:09:24 PM
The Internet works like a resume, where prospective people can see if there is anything that catches their attention. If so they arrange for a face to face meeting to see if what is online matches up with what is before them. If so they may offer a trial period to see if it will work out. If not, its not a loss, since one would hope lessons were learned that will make choosing the next prospect easier and successful.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 90 (view)
 
Is the number of acceptable places to approach women offline shrinking?
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:54:58 PM
Met a really nice man at Whole Foods today, at a cooking demonstration. He was impressed I knew the difference between a white truffle and a black one and where to get them at the best price, since I budget for certain things. We agreed to meet up at the skating rink that has opened for the holiday season in Sacramento.

Am having dinner Sunday with a nice man I met recently and in December we are going to the U C Davis book event at the Mondavi Center where Eric Weiner who has been on NPR will be speaking about his book on where the happiest people in the world live.

Thus I think anyone who lives near a university should really look into concerts, lectures and other cultural events that also very affordable.

If you live near a foreign embassy or consulate, many have open houses during the holiday season, where I have met and become good friends with men and women over the last thirty years.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Communicating every day
Posted: 11/21/2009 8:13:40 PM

ooobaby wrote:01 When I bought my first car I was so excited.....whenever I parked it for the night I couldn't wait to get back in it just so I could show it off while driving around even if it was just driving to work....When I got my in ground pool I couldn't wait to swim in it everyday. When I put the christmas tree up I can't wait to get home everyday and turn the lights on When my kid got x-box he couldn't wait to get home every day after school to play it


Just goes to show how different people can be.

When I bought and paid for the new car, it was a car to get me from here to there, and not to show off. When we bought the home with the pool it was for fitness and when friends and family are here, and not something I even looked to jump into the first weeks we were in the home. The holiday tree is just a tradition for me. Heck I even forget to turn the lights on when home alone.

Thus I think there are some people who when they get something new they feel a need to embrace it full force. And then there are those of us who look at the new person in our life as someone whom we appreciate and like being around, but not someone to smother and thus scare away.

Its all about finding ones equal I think.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 78 (view)
 
Heavier Americans Push Back on Health Debate
Posted: 11/21/2009 6:30:11 PM
Interesting stats on Parkinsons.
The world's highest prevalence of Parkinson's Disease by far has been found among the Amish community, where Parkinson's Disease is two to three times more prevalent than anywhere else in the world. The Amish are a devoutly religious community, primarily in the North East of the U.S.A., who believe in the literal interpretation of the Bible. The prevalence of Parkinson's Disease amongst the Amish community is 970 per 100,000, which is enormously high. They are afflicted by genetic disorders. So it was thought that the cause might be genetic. However, the more closely related they were, the less they were affected. They are primarily involved in agriculture, and most of them use pesticides, but the effect of pesticides was not assessed by the researchers. The world's next highest prevalence of Parkinson's Disease is in the vicinities of ferromanganese plants near Brescia in Italy, with 407 people per 100,000 population. Manganese concentrations in settled dust were found to be significantly higher in the surroundings and downwind from the ferromanganese plants. In high concentrations, manganese is a known cause of Parkinson's Disease.
http://viartis.net/parkinsons.disease/prevalence.htm

Interesting thing about schizophrenia which my birth mother was hospitalized from '50-'67 for, is that there are many if not the majority of cases where once someone gets into their forties they get much better. Thus hormones and brain chemistry play a huge role.

http://www.schizophrenia.com/szfacts.htm
6 to 12 million people in China (a rough estimate based on the population)
4.3 to 8.7 million people in India (a rough estimate based on the population)
2.2 million people in USA
285,000 people in Australia
Over 280,000 people in Canada
Over 250,000 diagnosed cases in Britain

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 12 (view)
 
Shake my tree
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:53:14 PM
PrettySmart2 wrote:I think it's best to go with your own instinct. This situation sure, could be a shake your tree (interesting expression!) or possibly he's sincere, or anything in between. I find the worst thing to do is listen to friends and family advice on dating, now that I'm older and wiser. The same person telling you to fugedaboudit is usually the very person who would be telling you she was reuniting with her soul mate if the shoe was on the other foot, in my experience.


Excellent points. Am reminded of years ago when my late husband commented that unless a man looks you in the eye, assume he is thinking out loud and not actually saying what he is thinking. And that some men need time to digest and think things out and this can take days, weeks and even months.

Whereas some women panic if they dont hear back within days or a weeks time. So if a man looks you in the eye when he speaks, take him seriously.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Communicating every day
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:43:50 PM
Assume beginnings means early days or weeks. Once every three days would be more than enough, since I assume the man like myself, has a job and other interests. When seriously dating a few times per week. Once a couple, a few times per week. Daily calls/texting would drive me nuts.

And I don't need some clingy, needy, insecure person in my life. One should be able to talk and connect when together. Even when married one doesn't need to be calling/texting daily unless there is something important to be discussed or the occasion 'love note'.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 76 (view)
 
Heavier Americans Push Back on Health Debate
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:32:30 PM

James Bottomtooth wrote: RE::'There's not much you can do about Parkinsons, cancer or schizophrenia'. Actually yes there is, a healthy diet and exercise can lower your chances of being struck with any of those diseases.


Would love to see proof of that statement. Parkinsons as an example has a genetic link as well as head/spine/nerve injury link. Schizophrenia has no proven cause, although some research suggest a viral infection, or some type of malnutrion when the mother was pregnant.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 125 (view)
 
Circumsision and its woes.
Posted: 11/21/2009 5:12:21 PM
Oh great now I am hungry for a nice kosher hot dog or corn dog. As for 'People in Africa are also told by MISSIONARIES that condoms cause HIV.. The pope even believes this', I cannot find any sites that note this to be true. Do know that JP2 believed that condoms would promote promiscuity. Which wasnt a proven fact, and thus he was wrong.

~Beth~
 ZenBeth
Joined: 2/23/2009
Msg: 32 (view)
 
Would a person who suffered a brain injury be a turn off for you?
Posted: 11/21/2009 4:39:53 PM

arpeggia wrote: Hi, just wanted to say... I was considering dating a man from POF who had a horrendous industrial accident which left him in hospital for months in a coma, he lost eye sight, a portion of his head was crushed and suffered brain damage. I had no problems with this but what I did have problems with and it was not due to his injuries was his racist attitude. I brought this up to him directly and he apologized.. the next day he repeated the diatribe against another group of people.. That was the deal breaker for me for me.


Am so glad you mentioned this because this is not uncommon for someone who has suffered serious head and thus brain injuires. Kind sweet people turn into vulgar, racist talking people after head trama. That and seizures. Or if they were out going before the accident they become almost hermit like because of the sensory overload to the brain.

~Beth~
 
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