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 Author Thread: What are women really looking for?
 PYPOLA
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 60 (view)
 
What are women really looking for?
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:22:05 PM

All i see is read delete or read with no response and i wonder WHAT ARE THEY REALLY LOOKING FOR!?


It is frustrating isn't it. You find somebody who on paper seems like a great match and you can't even get a conversation going to explore it further. The answer is to check your expectations at the door. Online dating simply doesn't work. Or at least not often enough to say otherwise. Use the internet to supplement your efforts in the real world. Its easier in the real world b/c our energies and personalities can shine through. We're 3-dimensional beings but on sites like this we're reduced to a 2-dimensional photograph that captures but a split nanosecond of time. Plus I think many people are just scared. So scared that they spend their time trying to find flaws and reasons not to be interested instead of the opposite.

So if the answer is to rely on the real world the next question becomes the same question man has asked since the beginning of time. "Where are all the girls at?" We need like a Top 100 list of the best locations to meet women. I'll start and hopefully others will chip in...(especially the ladies)

- coed sports leagues
- community service/volunteering events
- restaurants (waitresses and bar tenders)
- bars and clubs (not the type I'm looking for though)
-
-
 PYPOLA
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Ladies I have a simple Question
Posted: 4/19/2009 5:22:25 PM

She has a boyfriend...Wait, did you hear that...She HAS a boyfriend.

If she is becoming overfriendly and interested in another guy while her guy is not with her, she will do the same to you someday if you did indeed end up with her.


Oh, I missed that part. In that case, date other girls. You can still be friends with this girl but go do your own thing as well. If her long distance relationship doesn't work, then you can cross that bridge when you get to it. In the meantime go enjoy yourself.
 PYPOLA
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Ladies I have a simple Question
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:22:48 PM
Don't use lines. Just take her someplace. Don't even ask. Just grab her hand and tell her you're taking her for an ice cream or something.

...Or go to the pet store and buy some kind of menacing spider. Plant it someplace near her and then yell "Spider" as you pick her up and swift her away from the danger. You'll be her knight in shiny armor. But beware, this method may cause her to fall head over heels in love with you which could be a bad thing depending on what you're looking for. The last thing you want is a psycho stalker chick.

You might want to play it safe and go with the first option.

);p
 PYPOLA
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Bad Boys
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:50:09 PM
I'm not going to comment on your image of "bad boys" but I think many guys confuse being a nice guy with being TOO nice. Most women don't want a pushover. They don't want somebody who's already been castrated. They want a man. What does this mean?

1) Avoid throwing out too many compliments. Don't get me wrong, women like compliments but they want to be complimented on things that they deserve to be complimented on. Things they invested effort into.

2) Learn how to bust their chops. This DOESN'T mean be a jerk. There's a big difference. It's all about using your wit to engage them in some playful chat. Women are social creatures. They love to chat. Keep them off balanced and intrigued and they will be yours. Continue to be too nice and they'll all be MINE. );p

Good luck to you...
 PYPOLA
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Looking for a laugh?
Posted: 4/19/2009 3:21:50 PM

What does it mean when a girl is looking for a laugh. I've noticed it a few times on profiles.

I'm sorry if this sounds dumb. Just not really up on all these terms as not really had a social life.


She wants to see a picture of you naked.

Just kidding. Please don't take that literally.

Women are like men. They like to be entertained. They like to laugh. Show them your goofy playful side. But beware, humor is a double edged sword so tread carefully. Things aren't always interpreted in the same spirit they were intended (see my comment above). );p
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/10/2009 4:57:26 PM
I completely changed gears and scrapped everything. What say you now?
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 133 (view)
 
Femininity and lots of sex...any correlation ?
Posted: 3/9/2009 9:42:16 PM
Forget femininity, maybe the better correlation with sex is friendliness. Are women friendlier in Greece and other countries than they are over here?

Think about it. Friendliness = greater approachability = increased odds of positive interaction = increased connections on more than just a superficial level = more sex.

Makes sense to me.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 22 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:57:36 PM
Thanks everyone for all your valuable input. Much appreciated.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 1086 (view)
 
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:49:47 PM

And the answer is... Of Course!

Duh.

Why Being Smart Won't Get You Laid - http://www.alternet.org/sex/129887/why_being_smart_won%27t_get_you_laid/


Good article.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 1084 (view)
 
Is Intelligence A Curse In Relationships?
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:42:23 PM
I think intelligence is a trait that people grow to appreciate. When we're young, we're much more into pretty faces and hot bodies. Those experiences teach us the importance of intellectual compatibility.

I wonder though, if sites like this one don't become too dependent on the two-dimensional photograph. When you meet someone in person, its not uncommon to find them much more attractive than what a typical photograph of them might be. You can get a sense for their energy and all the different dimensions they consist of. I bet there would be a lot more conversations taking place if there were no photographs. But I'm as guilty as the next guy b/c the first thing I'd ask for is a picture. And around around we go....
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 21 (view)
 
as*s*hol*s, my view on Internet dating
Posted: 3/9/2009 5:09:20 PM
Seriously, has every woman just totally lost respect for themselves. There has to be a reason that men think they can e-mail or IM me and I'm going to talk dirty or meet them and have sex. Sex is easy and if it is not easy for you in the real world, then you are very unattractive or a major loser. There are plenty of fat girls and insecure girls who put out!
How rude to be e-mailing with someone and then do not reply. That is no class. I have always explained the reason for not being interested. That is respect and CLASS!
Lie, lie lie about your height (5'11 means 5'9 I have learned)
where you live....staten Island is not NYC. Who the hell lives in freaken SI anyway.
Pictures from 1998?.
And I am 35 do not write me if you are 60. WTF grandpa?
it is very sad what Internet dating has become.



That was a good rant. Get it out of your system. Look at it this way. The people that don't understand where you're coming from... They simply haven't been here long enough. Neither have I, but I'll take your word on it.

Look on the bright side, at least for one brief moment in time you had a conversation. I've been here two weeks and haven't even come close. For real, I've probably sent out about 30 emails and not one response. I've written simple emails, nice emails, chill emails...No luck. Then I upped my game and started interjecting humor in my emails. Still no luck. So then I figured that maybe I'm just coming off as too nice so I went with the aggressive approach. Nothing. Then, mostly to amuse myself, I started writing emails listing the reasons that I wouldn't sleep with them. Double-Nothing. Finally, I had an epiphany, I decided to start writing emails to myself. CHA-CHING!!! Worked like a charm. I'm batting a thousand with this method. My and myself are getting along great. In fact, there's a good chance I might even get lucky tonight.

 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
secrets about men
Posted: 3/9/2009 4:41:54 PM
I was hoping to read something with a bit of humor but, well....No.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 8:47:38 PM

Yeah I agree, men saying cuddling typically equals = whimpy or sex.

And as for the "cant be trusted" take that ENTIRE paragraph out. Makes you sound like a rapist.



A wimpy rapist. That's wonderful.

What are your thoughts on the updated version?
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 16 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 6:25:44 PM

You have cuddle in your text!! CUDDLE!

Did you not get the man memo when you first signed up? It is strictly forbidden. It makes everything so corny sounding. And corny is not good.

Cuddling *shakes head*



LOL....Alright. Busted. Cuddling goes.

 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 11 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:08:04 PM

And the comment about the photo in the Pats gear has more to do with that ever so suave expression on your face, than merely the Pats gear. There is nothing wrong with liking sports, or a given team, it's just that you want to avoid giving her the impression that you'll have be bailed out after an unfortunate 'incident' on field.


Well stated. The picture is gone. I'll look for another one. Hopefully I'll be able to find one that doesn't include me streaking naked across the field or in handcuffs. How am I ever going to live up to these standards?
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 4:01:05 PM
Wait, so if you get hot for her, 'you cannot be trusted', is that what you're saying?

Probably not something you want in a profile.

Anyhow, that whole paragraph is a rant and really says nothing of interest or substance. Chop it.


I'll consider that. I'd like to get a few female opinions first though. I'm somewhat reluctant b/c I think it kind of speaks to the compatibility of our sense of humor. If she can't interpret that paragraph in the spirit it was intended, then maybe she's just not a good match for me.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 3:49:30 PM
Next up, would have to be the shot of you in the Pats gear. Keep in mind, most women tolerate (barely...and through gritted teeth) male antics like painting yourself blue and red and going to a football game to get drunk and yell with your shirt off. That photo says that she will be seeing you on the news some day, half naked, being chased off the field by some angry dude in a mascot costume.


I think its important to be truthful about who we are. Why would I be interested in attracting someone who doesn't dig what I'm about? No thank you...That's not the girl I'm looking for.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 7 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 3:38:10 PM
OK, I just eliminated more than 3 paragraphs. Is it within acceptable standards now? Maybe, sort of barely????
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 3:11:50 PM
So basically you're saying that size matters.

I agree with you both completely. However, as the author I'm inflicted. I like how it reads and don't know which parts I should gut. Any specific advice in that regard?
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 1 (view)
 
Seeking input from 20 and 30 somethings...
Posted: 3/8/2009 1:59:53 PM
I've received positive feedback from people in their 40's and 50's but would like to get some input from my target audience as well.

Break it down for me. What impression does it give you? Be brutally honest. Rip it to shreds. I'm not sensitive to these things so let me have it.

Much appreciated.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 74 (view)
 
Femininity and lots of sex...any correlation ?
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:45:13 PM
Yeah it crossed my mind...but I still don't see an American female president any time soon. Compared to other countries where women are "apparently" viewed as less independent/empowered.

Just to name a few:
Cristina Fernandez - Argentina
Mireya Moscoso - Panama
Pratibha Patil - India
Michelle Bachelet - Chile
Isabel Peron - Argentina

And the list continues...


Impressive. Did you research that info or know it on the top of your head? Either way good job.

We may not have a female President but I think the recent election proved that gender no longer has a ceiling in this country. Hillary just happened to run up against a superior candidate. A once in a generation type of candidate. Not that she's a very good example of femininity.

I have a question for you though. Do you think the fact that a country's women base their daily lives around attracting men (wearing high heels, skirts, makeup, the whole 9 yards) during routine tasks such as grocery shopping makes them more feminine?
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 73 (view)
 
Femininity and lots of sex...any correlation ?
Posted: 3/7/2009 7:36:56 PM
Australia is very much like USA lots of neoconservative people ,who are the most unatrative people in the world,, maybe thats why men turn to sheep :)


Didn't see that one coming. I always knew their was something BAAAAd about the Neo-cons.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 3 (view)
 
Adam and Eve
Posted: 3/7/2009 5:20:44 PM
As do I.........
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 211 (view)
 
What is it with girls in their 20s
Posted: 3/7/2009 5:12:40 PM
Okay so science says that women mature before men do... but in experience, I find it quite the opposite...


That's a misperception. Maturity is and always has been based on the individual. Some girls are mature, some aren't. It's the same with the guys. What is often observed as "maturity" is in reality nothing but a difference in hormones. Increased testosterone levels causes the need for physical exertion which is often observed as disruptive behavior in class or the constant need of boys to wrestle or horse around. Many girls with higher testosterone levels have the same problem. Women that give birth are often thought of as becoming more mature but in reality its just another shift in the hormones.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 210 (view)
 
What is it with girls in their 20s
Posted: 3/7/2009 5:05:49 PM

Hey,not all of us are unsophisticated! lol.I have the oppisite problem with guys ;o)


You don't get a vote. You're from the UK. Everybody knows that ladies from the UK top the charts in class. It's got to be the accent.
 TBryce
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 64 (view)
 
Femininity and lots of sex...any correlation ?
Posted: 3/7/2009 4:49:20 PM
Have we, here in the west abandoned our femininity? And if so, could it be the reason why no western country makes it in the top 10 of “which country has the most frequent sex". Is there any correlation between the two?



It's all depends on how we define femininity? I get the impression that the OP believes that independence, strength, and empowerment detract from femininity. If that's true, then of course American women would be seen as lacking in that department. They are afterall, the most independent and empowered nation of women in the world.

If being feminine includes standards that devalue independence and empowerment, then I doubt many American women would have any interest in it. However, b/c they are more empowered than women anywhere else on the planet, they have no problem with shifting the definition all on their own. While outside women may put restrictions on femininity, American women will be the ones to remove them.

The reason the sex polls are low, if those polls are even accurate, has nothing to do with the femininity of American women. American women rock! (and no, I'm not just saying that to increase my odds of getting ladies to respond to my emails.... );p)
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 61 (view)
 
The Type We Attract (not who we're attracted to)
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:58:22 PM
The other point that I should have made is about selectivity.

It's not that you're attracting jerks. You attract men. Some men, perhaps many, I don't know, are jerks. There's nothing you can do to eliminate jerks being attracted to you. That will always be the case. Your job is to be able to identify them and then move on. Having said that, it's completely natural for confidence levels to fluctuate, especially in regards to dating. In those situations, its' completely understandable to become less picky but the truth is, those are the situations that you need to be even more selective.

At the end of the day, if you continue to end up with the jerks, it really is your fault. The jerk has always been a jerk and most likely always will be. You're the one that invited him into your life. That's my two cents... I hope it helps.
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 59 (view)
 
The Type We Attract (not who we're attracted to)
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:33:30 PM

See the main problem ive found is a friend of mine, she keeps getting these guys who seem alright in public, nobody can see anything wrong with them - not even bad vibes. Yet after a few dates and things get a bit more 'us' then 'me and him' type thing they start to hit her... so far she's had one guy who didnt and she almost married him - then he walked out. i feel so bad for her but i dont know what to do to help her!!


Although this certainly might not apply to every situation, I've observed in most cases that both parties are to blame. For example, I used to work with a girl who was always having trouble with her guy. Every person in the office hated the guy. When we finally met him, he seemed like a good guy. The thing is, we were always only hearing one side of the story. We never heard all the craziness that she interjected into the relationship. In this case, it turns out that she's a bit of a yeller, super insecure, and frequently tries to spy on him or hack into his email or listen to his voice messages. A lot of the fights were actually started by her.

Relationships make people vulnerable. Those vulnerabilities can bring out a lot of qualities that the outside world never gets to see. It takes a lot of effort to address our own flaws. Most people would rather run from them than take them on. They tend to move from relationship to relationship and those same flaws frequently cause the same problems. I'd be very weary of dating someone who has a history of volatile relationships. Relationships should be rewarding. They should make you feel happy. I'm constantly amazed by the number of people who stay in unhealthy relationships but the truth is that they know they're no peach either and they're just happy to have someone except them on some level.
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 55 (view)
 
The Type We Attract (not who we're attracted to)
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:16:46 PM

I seem to attract men that love to drink......I have no idea why...I even ask them ahead of time....and of course the response is..... only " socially" well hell socially ends up being EVERYDAY!!! ..I was raised in a house that didnt have alcohol so I never saw the stuff growing up.....and only on a very rare occasion do I drink........so who knows......


Do you tend to spend a lot of time in bars?
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 42 (view)
 
Femininity and lots of sex...any correlation ?
Posted: 3/7/2009 12:08:49 PM
I think there are probably quite a few factors involved.

1) Can those type of polls ever by truly accurate?
2) The impact of television and movies on the US. We consume more entertainment based programming than the rest of the world. Programming consisting of rich gorgeous people doing whatever they like. Have our expectations become too unreasonable.
3) We are the most obese nation in the world. Combine that with factor #2 and maybe that translates into less sex.
4) Religion. We are one of the most religious nations in the world
5) Related to #4, we are one of the prudest nations in the world, or at least the west. Only in America can a story about a woman breastfeeding in public be featured on the 6 o'clock news.
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Lack of Response to Profile
Posted: 3/6/2009 8:01:41 AM
I think men and women are pretty much the same in this regard.

Establish the presense of a physical attraction and then move on to the interests and summary.

But don't take my word on it. A recent National study performed by the Aint Getting Any Foundation concluded that I average around 11 rejections for every 10 inquiries. That makes me #1 in the entire country. It's a ranking I'm very proud of. I thank my parents for not being taller, richer, and better looking. If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be the reject that I am. Some people think its easy to get rejected but I assure you it isn't. It takes a lot of persistence and hard work. You don't just wake up and become the rejection champion. It takes character and superb work ethic. A sense of humor doesn't hurt either.

I look at it like this. As a person who was once afraid of rejection, I realized I needed to change my mindset. I embraced the idea that the Dating Gods are going to make me persevere through a large number of rejections in order to find what I'm looking for. I get one step closer with every rejection. Bring them on ladies....
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 240 (view)
 
when does the soul enter the baby ?,
Posted: 3/5/2009 10:04:33 PM
Perhaps we live in a vast sea of "soul" and the body is just a vessel to contain it. A tool of physical form to interact with the physical reality. Under such a scenario, the soul never "enters" the body but it is instead the body that envelops the soul. The more the body develops, the more soul it is capable of supporting and this isn't necessarily limited to the womb. It could continue on through to adult hood.

Likewise, soul can be lost or perhaps leaked would be a more accurate word since its never truly lost. It only returns to that vast sea it originated in. As we age or suffer injuries, the physical capabilities of our vessel diminishes and so does its ability to contain soul.

Whats interesting is that there's no logical reason to think that soul is isolated to biological beings. Theoretically, there's no reason why machines couldn't one day become advanced enough to contain soul as well. It's just a matter of the vessel becoming advanced enough to contain it. Mechanical machines, biological machines....Same difference. We're all just machines.
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 109 (view)
 
Question for the ladies about texting
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:43:51 PM
I know this was a question posed for the ladies but I think I can help.

Balance is key...

That one simple principle can work for you in many different ways.
 Long_Post_Guy
Joined: 2/27/2009
Msg: 128 (view)
 
How many dates before you decide Yea/Nay??
Posted: 3/5/2009 9:35:03 PM
Good topic...

Personally, I don't like committing myself to arbitrary numbers. You just need to try to "feel" your way through these things. Odds are that if you're considering throwing her back to the sea, things haven't gone great.

The first thing you should do is check yourself. What's stopping you? Is it really that you think you might like her or does your indecisiveness originate out of a fear for being alone? Or your own insecurities? You need to be honest with yourself. Then ask yourself What are you looking for? Are your expectations reasonable? Are you trying to force a square peg in a round hole? Relationships should feel rewarding. If it doesn't make you feel good, then get the hell out of Dodge.

I'd suggest giving it another shot and if you still can't make up your mind, talk about it with her/him. Find out how her views. One way or another, clarity will result. The truth shall set us free my brother. That's my two cents...
 
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