funny thing is.. chat & forums.

Posted In Forum:

Home

MyForums

Show ALL Forums

Author

Thread: funny thing is..

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

funny thing is.. Posted: 9/14/2009 10:59:02 AM
We're out here and get bashed just as bad as single mothers. But yes, this is a single parent forum which is hopefully meant to deter any kind of discrimination either way. It's easy to find the helpful and open-minded / hearted people here but even easier to find the haters and bashers. Some people just have their own opinion either way but there are a select few out to make a mark on this world in a bad way.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Can a person ever leave their past behind them ? Posted: 9/13/2009 11:16:58 AM
No, a person cannot leave their past behind. That is who they are, what has made them get this far, and has molded them into who they are going to be. You cannot hold someone responsible for their past, unless they hide it and continue the bad that they have done. It is a slippery road because some people hide it while others are open and get it all out with no fear. It's always best to be open and honest in a relationship. That's the first stage anyone needs to get past and that's the honesty part.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

First POF date. Epic fail. Posted: 9/13/2009 11:09:17 AM
Wow, the emergency phone call... I haven't heard that one in a long time. Men and women have both set that up where a friend will call them in 1 or 2 hours into the date, have an exchange of replies where it is going well, then ok, if bad, there is an emergency. But then again, depending on his job or family, it could have just been a simple emergency. Only time will tell. I hope it all works out for the best. If it was a sham phone call, it's best you lost further contact him. If it was a real emergency, hopefully your relationship has grown to where he could give you details without prying.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

OH WOW Ive done it now Posted: 9/13/2009 11:03:08 AM
You are both old enough to probably have made some slip-ups or heard them. If you were in the 20's, it would probably either scare him off or make him profess the same in kind. Next time you speak with him, chuckle it up, let him know how and why it came out. Let him know your current feelings (Don't leave him hanging or in the dark) and go from there. You're both mature enough to appreciate words as they are and continue to work on your relationship.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

Is antivirus neccessay with firewall? Posted: 9/12/2009 12:49:34 PM
Forgot to add, before you install any new antivirus program, make sure you REMOVE the old one first. If you have 2 antivirus programs running, your computer will probably shut down a lot because they are both fighting to scan your system.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Is antivirus neccessay with firewall? Posted: 9/12/2009 12:48:27 PM
A firewall only blocks what ports you would like blocked (TCP and UDP). A virus comes in many forms, comes across any ports and is unique in the actions they take. Malware is sort of a virus but doesn't seek out to destroy but to flood you with spam / misleading websites / redirecting your web searches / etc. You should always have anti-virus. A firewall would be helpful as that stops people from the internet from circumventing your connection and getting into your pc. of course it is also helpful once a month or so to run a malware scan such as lavasoftusa.com's Ad-Aware. Free products: Anti-Virus - AVG, Avast Firewall - Windows Malware scanner - Lavasoftusa

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Jacksonville/Orange Park~Ronnie's Wings & Oyster Bar~DJ Karaoke~August 15 Posted: 8/3/2009 5:45:24 PM
Possibly I can catch the next train. Taking my little princess to Disney before school starts up and of course princesses come before myself :) I hope everyone has a great time! Joseph

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 91 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/5/2009 1:28:22 PM
I am not religious. I am not liberal. I am not conservative. I am a person, who has opinions and beliefs, and shares them with my whole being. You are not sharing them... you are telling people they are wrong and continue to raise argumentative positions and stances. You are not saying it is your opinion but telling people what they are doing is wrong. There is a big difference. I find it interesting that you think I have no right to discuss my well-warranted opinions with society just because I disagree with what someone is saying and have zero troubles with being blunt about it. So what gives you the right to condemn me and make me a villain for doing so. Hypocrite much? Didn't say you didn't have a right to discuss such. Said this topic was about adults, not kids, not teens, nothing of what you have mentioned. Your replies are way off topic. Yet you continue to persist in hatred for what young women do. Start up a thread called "Why I had young single mothers"... That would be a topic that you could keep in perception and continue with rants. I am a man and am offended on how you categorically place young mothers. Feel free to post any links to all of this data you have accumulated for people to look at insted of this "8 out of 10". No, I am not a hypocrite. I told you why I posted what I did. Do you feel better after you tell people how bad they are? You continue to post the same thing post after post. Maybe a little bit more and we can see what really it is inside of you that needs to come out. I am not jaded. I do not spread fears and anxieties. I choose not to run around in rosy glasses thinking that as long as an 18 year old girl thinks she is mature enough to raise a child everything will be ok. 8 out 10 teenage fathers leave. That statistic includes 18 and 19 year olds. I deal in reality, not how I wish things would be. 8 out of 10 teenage fathers leave. Where is that data? What are the circumstances behind that data. The reality is you have a bad past with decisions obviously that have affected you. Other people's life has no bearing on you so why must you persist in attacking young women? Did you have a bad teenage boyfriend? Did you have a child for the wrong reasons? This has nothing to do with the orinigal topic of young adults having children. You have had something happen in your past which you must put on paper to feel better in some way. Out of all the posts, no one has slammed young women for having children with the exception of yours. I may be wrong, but to re-read 3 pages of your posts and a few others I will gladly do. Guess what, people made bad choices. Maybe they were good at the time, maybe their are extenuating circumstances, just maybe.... People have a right to live their life without being judged. If you want to berate and belittle these young women, pay for their college, give them food with room and board, take care of their children. Then you may have a right to say they are so sadly wrong for the choices they have made. This is a free standing forum. Too many people on here are slamming others. It's ridiculous. Back off as it serves no purpose. There is no debate in this thread when you persist with "I am right... I am right... I am right". You haven't posted your opinion but you continue to push your belief. Move past the err of what a person has made and what can you do to help past that point. As the original poster of the thread said, he agrees in the parenting of the younger people that make them who and what they are. The topic stopped there and went 3 different ways from the original content.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 79 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/5/2009 12:44:21 PM
Bosoxfaninwa... Not sure who or what has pee'd in your corn flakes. It doesn't matter what is being said if everything you say is argumentative and tries to push your belief on others. I will no longer be a podium or pulpit for you to try and spew you angst against others. If people ask a question or look for help, there will be those of us who will respond in kind. Then there will be people of your caliber that must say something that has no bearing to push your beliefs. This is not a church nor is it a liveral or conservative forum. No need to be left or right here. If you want to choose to berate people, that's your choice. People made mistakes. People didn't make mistakes, they made bad choices. Nobody has a right to belittle someone for their life and to continue to see posts as such is ridiculous. You talk about thread progression... The thread topic is 18-20 year olds. Not teens, not younger than teens. The thread is about adults. It's your choice to derive what you want from it and cause angst. Obviously you have been jaded in some emotional way to have the replies you have. Your choices are yours alone and hopefully you ease off the hostility towards everyone but yourself.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 75 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/5/2009 12:04:36 PM
Ok, the original post was about 18-20 years olds. It has digressed into a back and forth about who is right morally and religiously. Just like other topics in these forums why must there be so much bickering? Nobody is right or wrong, everyone has their own life and choices. If you want to due a psychoanalysis of the pro's and cons, take it to a new forum thread. Everyone makes bad choices whether it is man or woman. Guess what, 18 years old is legal. If you have a problem with that get with your local representative and have them raise the legal age higher. Then again, I guess we can start forcing chastity belts on women when they have their first period. How about penis locks on men to prevent them as well. Seriously people, there is just too much back and forth and it's not your right to decide what does and doesn't happen with someone of age. If you have suggestions for people, create a topic and keep them there. Most of us have morals and deep beliefs but this bickering is just plain ridiculous.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

why does this hurt Posted: 7/4/2009 2:24:23 PM
Thanks itsallinthesoul. My heart is like The Monkees; Daydream Believer, and Neil Diamond's; Sweet Caroline. But like you said, always have to focus on the positives in life, think about the negatives but don't delve on them. Learn what it is to be happy, stay there and things that will continue to keep you happy. It's all about what you have learned and what you do with that knowledge... Will you use it to be happy or will you use that information to hold the world ransom for 1 million dollars? I am still waiting for sharks with lasers, they exist somewhere!

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

I am beginning to wonder if this is why I am still single? Posted: 7/4/2009 2:05:58 PM
Which things are you talking about? The article refers to 20 somethings and narcissism. I looked at your profile and there was nothing about self indulgence in there. Just what you like to do and plan on doing. You're 31 years old and are holdint out sort of say until you meet the right one. There never is a perfect person, just someone who you can appreciate and who can appreciate you for who they are. The article talks about 20'x building their life before anything and being self-centered. It also says that people attach themselves to things or people that make them feel better. I am a firm believe in being happy with yourself as many of my posts will say but using things or people to make yourself happy will end in a major loss. Relationships are meant to compliment you, not raise you. Some people want the trophy wife / husband. Some of us want a wife / husband to walk through the good and bad by our side with a simple ear to hear or lips to speak with. As we get older we realize we cannot change people, people can only change themselves or adjust accordingly as needed. Life is a bunch of give and take. Then again, if we all had the "perfect match" would we be truly happy? We all need spontaneity, unknowns, and differences to go through life to feel that sense of meaning and accomplishment (At least until we reach age 98, then we can frolic around on our front lawns in speedos without a care). Then again, there are some horrendous trolls in these forums that have to belittle man or woman. Is that a form of narcissism to put themselves above others? Who knows... You pose the question about rather being single that settle... No, it is not bad as long as you are responsible and own your actions and commitments along the way. Be open and honest with women where you are at in life. Women really do appreciate honesty and believe it or not, respect you more for that.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

help. Posted: 7/4/2009 11:04:15 AM
It's very normal... only 2 years old. Don't be angry with them or tell them no. Just like itsallinthesoul said, you are their safehaven. You can do as others suggest and do nothing and they will goto their own bed. I've always been a talker with my daughter and let her know that her bed is made just for her. At some point she opened up that she was scared so we would walk around the entire house and look at every corner... Nobody there. Told her this was our house and if anything bad were to ever come in, they would have to deal with "Thunder and Lightning". Yes, I only use this line with my princess :o) But I also read her 1 story a night, tuck her in, and kiss her. I would come check on her every 5 minutes. She would stay awake to make sure I would check on her. About the 3rd or 4th check, she was knocked out. On the occasion that she would wake up in the middle of the night, she would come snuggle up in bed with me. At first, it would happen almost every night. I dwindled down to maybe once a week or every other week. They just want to feel that safety and security so you have to give it to them in some other manner that promotes them staying in ther bed.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/4/2009 9:23:35 AM
Not Done, I agree with you but surely you know people much older that are just as immature. I've know quite a few of young women in my time in the military that bucked up and did the right thing by their children to raise them in a caring environment. Recently, I chatted with a wonderful you lady in her 20's on here who is doing right and living life by her child first. Anyone can be immature but the seed lies with the parent, then the expectation or hope to see if the person matures enough to be responsible for their children and themself. It's kind of a loaded question... Some are ready, some are not. This goes with both sexes. Heck, sometimes after the fact of having a child the parenting role just kicks in. Sometimes it doesn't. All I can attest to is that for somenoe to be ready, it's best that they had a great upbringing, supportive family and supportive friends. Doesn't matter the age, what matters is how they came to be where they are. But obviously there are some still not mature enough to care for a child as they should. But that is just too generalistic as there are many women biting the bullet and doing what they need to do.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

girls having kids at the age of 18 to 20..good or bad? Posted: 7/4/2009 7:31:37 AM
That's your take on it. Let's look back on history and find out when girls where having children... It's not up to you to figure out if a legal adult in our day and age is responsible to take care of a child or not. For that fact, not up to me either. There are many reasons women have a child: Accidental Protection failed Marriage to high school sweetheart impending marriage Love Wanting to have a child and 8000 other reasons But regardless, your question is posed to women of legal age meaning they could do whatever they want. It's up to parents to raise children the way they seem fit and morally. Now if your question was about parenting, then yes, I would tell you that many adults are failing their roles as a parent due to the nature of how children are turning out. A child is not bad... a child is a child. Children learn from the people that raise them and are allowed to be around them.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

why does this hurt Posted: 7/4/2009 7:23:10 AM
First of all, I play that song with my daughter and sing it. When she is not around and I hear it, my heart skips a beat and sometimes brings a tear. It is a wonderful song that is meant with a lot of emotion. Songs like that are meant to expel emotions from people. That one is just a finely tuned spike to the heart. Yes, it is sad her father does not have a relationship with his daughter. Should that affect you, sure. Should it make you unhappy, no. You are the creator and self maintainer of your own universe and you are the one providing for your child. You are now the mother and father. Some of us have to fill the dual roles but in order to do that, you must find out what makes you a happy person and continue to do and think those things. You can look back and see your mistakes or your child's mistakes and see them for what they are. They are just mistakes. Move on from that as the past will never change. There are men that are not afraid to care for someone else's child. There are men that are. Just read these forums and it's all over the place. But men cannot get to the point of being a parent to another's child if they never get to learn about you first. If you have those kind of feelings and are not happy with who you are, what you are doing and where you are going, you are not ready for a relationship. Personally, I look forward to finding a good hearted woman with a child. They appreciate what it takes to raise a child and care for all of their needs.`

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 3 (view)

blended families....ARCGHHHH!!!! Posted: 7/4/2009 7:06:40 AM
This reminds me of a story that is so important to ... SQUIRREL! I am unsure where you are going with this post as you talk about leaving a blended family, having issues with the other's children, and cuddling with your own. Then you discuss you are where you are because of verbal abuse, it was perfect, but you had doubts because of repeated behaviors.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

how to meet her son for first time Posted: 7/2/2009 4:46:26 PM
4 Years old, he will probably be shy or take to you nicely. Of course get eye level and say your hello's. Find out what he likes to do, draw, color, play puzzles, something of the like that is in his environment and show your interest in something he likes that you are interested or were interested in. Do not bring gifts or the kind as you do not want to be know as the man that is nice and brings gifts... Use his environment to both your benefits. If you do the gift thing right away, you wouldn't want his excitement to be for gifts and not just you. Your gifts could be playing catch, or kicking the ball around for the time being. And just like his mother, when he gets familiar and comfortable with you, then you can appreciate the bigger things together... carousels, stuff animals, arcade places, go carts... Be yourself as the other poster said. Kids are like dogs in the way that they can see fear / fakes. It's good seeing a single person getting to the point of being with a single parent and want to learn / be with their child.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Single Dad Raising an 11 Year Boy Alone Posted: 7/2/2009 4:36:50 PM
I say you're lucky it's not a little girl, then you'd really be in for a wild ride! Luckily my daughter promised me she will stay home until she is 45 . . . yes, a wild ride it will be when they get older. First of all, he's 11 so he is past the birds and bees talk as I am sure he has heard a bit around school being how they are these days. You are the parent and the one he looks up to. Hopefully you have dome half the battle through parenting and showing him how you respond to women and how cordial you are. Not talking about them like a piece of meat but praise them on their thoughts and things they do nice. This is only half the battle though. He's at that age obviously as you say that girls have noticed him. So just like table manners, you need to talk to him about girl manners and self manners. As I said in another post, it's a lot easier to throw a few little jokes here and there to put him at ease. Somethine like "If you don't be careful son, you'll be married at 13!"... But let him know that at this age boys have matured and so have some girls. They want to have what their parents have. There's a point though and he shouldn't reach that point until he is 18. As I am sure you have, teach him to respect himself as a young man and to respect the young ladys as they deserve. Let him know there are limits. Let him know about bad things that can happen... Diseases, babie's, unplanned consequences. I am sure at 11 he knows some of this from friends and what not but let him know about them in regards to respect to himself, you, and any possible girlfriend he may have in the future.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

Should I? Posted: 7/2/2009 2:54:10 PM
You have a lawyer and you pay them to listen to what they say. With that being said, keep in mind that the courts will not allow you to take away the other parent's rights. It doesn't matter if it is a man or a woman. It would be like fleeing to another state and hiding your address. You do state in another post that he has abused you, a drug user, and an all around not so good guy so you filed for Child support, Full custody, and a protective order. Those are all standard except for the protective order. Has he been arrested for abuse, arrested for drugs, arrested for threats, arrested for any other felonious activities? If not, none of that is going to fly in the court's eyes unless you have third party proof to back it up. It's a very fine thread but you do not have the right to arbitrarily keep your child from the other parent. You have 18 years that you will have to provide access and information to for both of your child. Is it worth to argue symantecs or do you have proof that you are protecting your child. Remember, this is a long battle that will hurt you and it will continue and continue but will only hurt your child in the long run. I agree with others but only in the context if he is abusive and a drug user to keep the child away for their safety. Other than that, you should not be keeping them away from him. How would you feel if it was the other way around? I am sure you knew he used drugs and were in the same environment as him. I am just being the devil's advocate here when it comes to keeping a child from their parent. Sometimes people after being absent hate themselves for it and want to be involved. Sometimes they get scared when served with court papers. Sometimes there is a motive and sometimes there is not.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

What does Does not want children mean? Posted: 6/30/2009 4:44:33 PM
There have been 4 types of women I have talked with: Does not want children - Doesn't have any and doesn't want to give birth herself. Does not want children - Doesn't have any and doesn't want someone bringing one into the relationship. Does not want children - Has one ore more and doesn't want one of yours to add on. Does not want children - Has one or more and will not give birth to another but yours are ok. It is all subject to the person you are talking with. I am put off on contacting the opposite sex sometimes by the 'Does not want children' choice selection. I read every profile I come across and if they seem snippy or throwing gang signs up, I take that as they don't want children period. I probably have misread a few of them but I always read the profile to see where it goes. I just wish people would have more than the minimum amount of text to get in the site and open up just a little bit. We don't need to pour our souls to the open but at least give people a chance to hopefully find some sort of ground for a connection. Kind of goes with the reasoning for not contacting some people. Nice pictures with good environments and smiles, but nothing of substance to latch on to. Oh well, I am rambling on again. Time to cook dinner!

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

single mom and the sex talk..... Posted: 6/29/2009 9:51:53 AM
Whoa.... I am sure many men can attest to at the young age of how this kind of talk coming from their mother makes them just a weee bit awkward. It is just as awkward coming from a father but a mother is far more nervous of a feeling. Regardless, you are the parent and it's up to you to talk about these issues. If you do research on 5 years olds - teenagers on the web and the subject, you will see it is all normal. What counts however is how you approach the subject, let him know it is normal, and ensure he knows to do it in the privacy or his room if he feels fit to do it. I liked the response that a kitten will die each time he does it... That could actually be an opening line just to break the ice with a solid face and laugh about it. He needs to feel comfortable about it without that overbearing feeling of mom wanting to hear the details for too long. But lastly, educate him. Ensure he knows all teens do this sooner or later but this shouldn't be something he becomes so pre-occupied in. Possibly ask him if there are any after school or summer activities he wants to participate in. Take him to swimming pools, go jogging with him, anything that constitutes exercise and takes his mind off of the matter. Show him there are other experiences to enjoy but don't hold it against him unless of course you are at a family dinner and you see the tablecloth moving in his direction. Then you might have a problem on your hands. . .

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 23 (view)

The One? Posted: 6/25/2009 5:58:46 PM
The one does exist and is not a fallacy. One day you will be older and wiser. Thinking back on the days of young. Thinking of all the good times and bad times you have ever had. Thinking of all the personal trials you have completed. As you sit or lie there thinking of what life has shown you and the path you have taken, you will look to your side or sadly look to one you may have outlived due to old age and say to everyone... "That was the one". The one that enjoyed life with you by your side. People are so into the now, appreciate life and people for who they are, fall in love, grow together, be a team... Look forward to where you will be and what you have done together.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Young and having to deal with a tough decision... Posted: 6/24/2009 4:18:04 PM
Mark's mind = Self Centered jerk (To put it as simple as I can) Steps she should take: 1. Although above someone posted put the child up for adoption and move on with her life... That child will ALWAYS be part of her life and with her or without her she will have regrets later in life. Counseling is needed as you said she is depressed and thinking Mark nor herself may not want this child. You said <div class="quote">(and why she was so hesitant to keep the baby in the first place)... This was in the beginning and it sounds as if she was thinking of an abortion before it got far along. She's past that point. 2. It talks about how he proposed and now they are engaged. I will not talk about his mannerisms as you are asking about what she should do. They are not married yet and she has seen the big picture of what marriage will be like. She has to prepare for the worse, no marriage, no father, no husband. Get everything in order for paternity, etc. and find legal resources to ensure the child is protected and cared for properly by both parents. Find out what resources are available in her area for single mothers, jobless parents, medical, diapers, food, family, etc. 3. (This should be #1) Have her find out what makes her happy.... get her to be on that road of self growth and learning. She will be doing it soon with a newborn which will cause stress and she needs friends. 4. Surround her with love. Yourself, engage her family, engage other friends. Build that moral and comforting support. I am not saying she has not made bad choices. From what you say, she has and acknowledges it. It's ok, we ALL make bad choices in life but these are the choices that take us down the darkest roads. Just remember, on those long trips, the sun will rise. She needs to take responsibility and own up to her mistakes and learn from that. But as I said before, she will need help as this is hard to do by yourself. I hope these suggestions assist in talking with her and being a good friend as it seems you truly are.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

Are men on here really interested in marriage Posted: 6/23/2009 9:07:48 AM
I disagree with Slain as well. Men that have children or men that look at single mothers look more than just at the woman, they look at how they parent as well. Other people's children never impose a threat or risk to a relationship. It is the parenting behind it that shows who the mother / father is and how they manage their children. Remember, children are not evil! Children act how they are shown / allowed to act. Plus, they are just CHILDREN. Let kids be kids and let the adults be kids / adults. :o)

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Are men on here really interested in marriage Posted: 6/23/2009 8:41:56 AM
A lot of men and women here are looking for marriage or the long term. There is no shortness of that. It's just like dating, You just don't walk up to your date on the first time and give them a longing and loving kiss. You do not even know them. For marriage, a majority of the older people here have already done that and been divorced. So they are more secure in what they want in a partner and will not take less than that. They will take as long as it takes to learn about the other person and find the good and bad (Everyone has bad) and see if they truly feel compatible. Yes, love does conquer all but in order for you to find that love, you have to open up and be with another that opens up as well. On a side note, Woodbridge... I was born in South Amboy and raised in Sayreville. Been about 15 years since I have been back in that neck of the woods. Grandmother had 17 children and the flock of my family own about half the real estate in that area! :o)

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 428 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/22/2009 9:41:42 AM
hmmm....original OP returned perhaps? Yes, it is Mike... He has about 5 profiles on here I found so far. No longer will I indulge this character. He will not answer any questions posted of him, only berate and belittle women and some men. If you want to create a Forum area called "Self Indulgence Only", would glady like about 15 threads completely moved on out of here.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Rules Posted: 6/21/2009 5:18:25 PM
Simplistic in rules but my two rules carry a large spectrum of rules. I am sure a lot of you can relate: 1. Must not have dependencies -Drugs -Alcohol -Etc of this type of dependency 2. Must be happy with themself Very simple as I don't ever intend on living a life like the past. Everyone has good and bad times, it's all good. But it's how you are living your life now and plan to move forward with it that counts.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Why are chicks better at the single parent thing? Posted: 6/17/2009 4:42:25 PM
It's who you choose to be in life, nothing to do with being a man or woman? I am an ex military man that was considered a front line soldier. I have a zero tolerance for common sense from adults. When I had my daughter, I look at life and everything as if I were looking through her eyes. Everything I say or do around her, it's with the eyes of an innocent. I throw on my 'Super Daddy' hat and teach and talk. No matter whether she does good or bad things, stop and talk about how well she did or why something is not right. Learn patience and be there for you child / children. It's not a woman or man that is better to be a parent. It is someone who learns what a parent means and lives their lives accordingly. It's all in choices and people. You can't change people but they should learn the right choices.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

How young to use the internet Posted: 6/15/2009 10:29:19 AM
No problem and glad this information was useful. AOL is great for the not so technical savvy people. You can click things and type keywords and it takes you to where you want to be if not close to it. The bad thing is it has a lot of holes. I always recommend some sort of appliance or software directly installed on the machine you need to monitor. As well, some routers or internet gateway devices do have some serious firewall / locking down tools as well. It depends on how good you are technically or how much you want to learn or even have time to. That is why you can use programs such as netnanny or others to truly lock down a computer for children use and feel comfortable with what you want to secure. There are even ways around that software as there is with any, but that takes a lot more diligence and the reports from the software will key you into if and when someone tries to circumvent it. It's all about knowledge and teaching our children. Of course in most schools or daycares, they have computers and teach kids things there. Not all parents are responsible so you have to take into account other children showing your children bad things and "funny / kewl" things. It's good seeing parents taking a technological review like such for their children. The world is at the parents and children's fingertips and it's all about how we learn ourselves and mentor our children.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

A strange relationship Posted: 6/14/2009 1:52:20 PM
It sounds as if you are looking for someone to fill a void left by another. In relationships, this is not a good thing. The first thing you need to do is figure out what makes you happy, why you are unhappy and fix it. You shouldn't be looking for a relationship unless you are content with who you are, where you have been and where you are going. Otherwise, you will only be using someone and this will cause a storm down the road. What things do you like to do? What activities make you happy? What do you want to do that makes you happy / better off in life? Are you setting goals for yourself? When you start answering these things for yourself, then you should move into the dating realm. Most of us want someone by our side in life but it has to be for the right reasons, not just because.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

good sites? Posted: 6/14/2009 1:42:18 PM
starfall.com internet4classrooms.com iknowthat.com jumpstartworld.com theschoolbell.com coolmath4kids.com kidport.com time4learning.com rainforestmaths.com gamequarium.com/math.htm funbrain.com As well, you can find those sites online that have the printouts too. tons of them. One thing I did when my daughter was one and still do to this day, I make flash cards of colors, shapes, pictures, words and have her pick them or place them in order for a sentence. It can be a blast when you have a lot of word flashcards and the sentence goes from "I like you" to "Our house is big and has a nice yard". My local school has some private websites for learning and tracking as well. Possibly your local school system website publishes some kind of learning and activity sites as well.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 7 (view)

How young to use the internet Posted: 6/14/2009 10:16:24 AM
Tell me more,please 1. Get a guest account. When you scroll down to your screen name on the log-on screen, go to guest. Log on, and enter a friend or family member's name and password. This only works unless that is unblocked. Make sure you have permission from the screen name's owner! 2. Use another web browser. If your AOL screen name allows you, try to open IE, Firefox, or another browser. Browse the web from those browsers, instead of AOL. Make sure you still use AOL sometimes for the parental activity report. 3. Search web proxies. These special web sites allow you to go on any other website. There are many out there, but these can help with AOL. * Open Silence * Mowser * Some open proxies are great for just viewing a page, while others allow you to log into websites. Many, if not all open proxies will make watching videos online impossible. I have been working in IT for 20+ years. Trust me, AOL is and was never secure. Not saying they are bad, but certain things are not truly as safe as you think they are. The info above comes from a public site if you just search for AOL+bypass+parental controls. There are other means but these are the primary ones. Pay particular attention to #2. If you use the actual AOL program to sign in and browse through, you can just minimize it and open your own web browser to surf. Also, there are many "Anonymous" web surfing sites that you can surf through and it looks like you are on one page when you can actually goto any webpage. I'm glad I saw this topic come up as it is important that we as parents understand what a child can and will get into. It is up to use to teach and talk to them daily. If they goto something bad or do something bad, talk to them about the ups and downs of it. No need to be angry with them, they are just children. They become who they are by what they are taught. When dealing with children and computer access, I compare their computer use to that in a large corporation. Lock the computer down (User right instead of administrator right), latest antivirus (If funds are short, two free ones are AVG and AVAST), depending on age proper web filter (netnanny, barracuda, and other open source ones if you are computer savvy), and education. Just like their TV viewing, you do not want certain content on their television. I just switched to AT&T's UVerse. I have total locking and blocking of all shows on my daughter's tv down to rating, channel, and content. Amazed how far TV has come since I was growing up. I am not a proponent or salesman or .... anything for any of the software I described, just know of them as easy to use for the average parent.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

How young to use the internet Posted: 6/14/2009 8:07:07 AM
My daughter is 5, about to turn 6. She has her own computer and uses it for sites like starfall, disney, nick, and jumpstartworld. Just an FYI, You can get around AOL blocking very easily and I am sure a 10 year old can do that without issue. The only true protection is to use a local program on your computer such as netnanny (Made with input from parents) to actually block any traffic from that machine to the internet. Another solution is to buy a corporate grade filter and put it on your home network (A basic one costs about 1500.00). With children, it's not only the content of websites you have to watch out for but also web messaging, chat programs and peer 2 peer type transmissions. AOL as good as they try to be only blocks items through AOL. Connect to your AOL and surf with firefox or IE and I am sure all those filters are not in effect. I believe any age is good for a child to learn to use the internet. It has the most interactive and learning sites available. However, you must do your due diligence to ensure your child is protected. Start off with you always being there any time they use the computer to the ages when they are now computer savvy and monitor their actions. Teach them the right way and raise them right. Tell them what is wrong and what is right. But it is up to you to choose the right tools to protect them from the harmful people and websites.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

When to allow your children to meet your significant other? Posted: 6/13/2009 6:45:20 AM
Peachez... You introduce your child/children to the SO when you have had enough time (To see if they are good hearted and their mannerisms) with your SO and feel that your relationship is what you want and long lasting. Their are many ways to communicate... Leave a note under their front door on the way to work, email, send a singing telegram, have a barbecue with other friends and invite him over,... You ever talk with someone so much you have talked about everything? Some men / women feel overwhelmed with a lot of talking and not enough "me" time. You have to communicate somehow to gauge how your SO feels and how you feel. Open communication helps a relationship last forever. A public place... This goes back to your first question and same response. Do you feel this is the one, do you feel comfortable with your child meeting him, etc... That is where you would like to have the first meetings, in a park, in an amusement park, on the beach. You can keep the meeting short and sweet and see how your child responds. but a few brief meetings will get your child accustomed to your SO. After your brief meetings above where your child / children interact with your SO is ok. You can't just change your child's environment but if you bring your SO into the fold any pressure or stress on the child will lessen. This is the tough thought for any single parent. You have to look out for your children but you also have to look out for yourself. We are package deals and we don't want to affect our SO or our children. Is there anything your child likes that your significant other likes (Basketball, bicycles, running, gardening, coloring, painting... Your SO doesn't have to buy anything for your child but if they have any of the interests it helps to do something together.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/10/2009 9:50:44 AM
Mike, You are a broken record here and losing ground quicker than your original post above... Here is what I would do to compensate for the work of dating a single mother: You place yourself in HER shoes and CONTINUE to talk about what SHE needs to do for YOU. 2 scenarios. She has a child, you are single - What do YOU do for HER? She is single, you have a child - What do YOU do for HER? It is very simple. Please quit being so close minded to the women. You have not stated one thing you would do for her other than try and get the children far away. Doesn't make sense and hopefully she is on this site and sees you plenty of fishing for a long term relationship under an alias... Your posts show that 1. You are jealous of a significant other's child and you have a small penis. There is help available for you as you troll these forums. [Popular post] Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? (Page: 1, 2 ) MikeCOM38 [Popular post] I have an average sized penis. (Page: 1, 2, 3 ) MikeCOM38

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 20 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/10/2009 9:31:15 AM
Can we all agree that dating a single mother with a child requires additional work by the man. Examples are as follows: 1) lack of free time 2) lack of alone time 3) lack of money ( money is spent on child ) 4) s.o feels like 2nd place 5) no spontaneity 6) ex's drama Lets just agree there is additional work to date a single mother. Can we ? Mike, I think we are all agreeing there is additional work to date you. You are in the dating phase. You knew what her life was and is. Anyone's life can change. Let's just say she was single and no children... She got a raise that doubled her income and they wanted her to move 200 miles away. Would you still date her? Would you still be there? Would you be willing to move? What if she came back every other weekend to visit you? What would you do for the woman you are dating? That is what you need to answer, not women... Narcissism will get you nowhere.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

Single Mothers W/ Children: Do you do anything to compensate for the extra work of dating you ? Posted: 6/10/2009 9:16:04 AM
A "Date" is just a date. It is the first, 2nd, third time to meet someone in different places and gauge who they are. The only pressure here is nerves on either side. Now dating as you say, I assume this means we are past the customary initial meet and greets and have taken it a step further. If you are at that point, you already made a decision to want to learn more and be around that person and their children. The only extra work involved in any relationship is whaever extra work you put upon yourself. Children or no children has no bearing. If it is not what you want, don't do it. I guess you could post the extra duties required by a single mother to date you: 1) After taking care of child all day, pretty herself just for you to make a good impression 2) Take time out of her schedule with her child to setup daycare, babysitter or friend just to spend QUALITY time with just you 3) Always have money on hand to not impose you paying for anything for the child as that commitment has not occurred yet (Possible extra hours, second job) 4) Prioritize life after you and only you, after all, it is all about you.... 5) Figure out how to keep child away from you to make you happy.... Can you see the sarcasm in all the above? If you are not committing yourself to the person you are dating, why plague women with children? The real question is Mike... why are you dating single mothers that seem to not dedicate everything to you? Sounds like you have your mind made up already regarding how trivial it is to adjust your time and schedule to someone elses. Additional work... It is called a relationship. It takes two to work on a relationship and if you aren't doing your share, there is no relationship. Nobody should be a burden. If they are, you are not in the type of relationship you need.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

any ideas for summertime activities? Posted: 6/10/2009 9:02:51 AM
Do what I do with my daughter. Search all the local online communities, look at local events, activities, and kid friendly places. Your local nespaper and the local towns all have their own online communities in which they server public notices of everything. The best thing about this, it helps you plan out your day, identify costs if any, and plan for the type of clothing / spare clothing needed. Kids don't like to walk around like adults usually... They want to get in there and do stuff. So open your local event websites up and plan out a day or two each week. At home, you can do some simple stuff... Get photos, make a collage... turn off the sound on the tv and each person pick a character on who makes up the words out of their mouth... get a board game like child trivial pursuit (Something that makes them think)... Do they have a garden there or anything outside you could team up with them and help make better?... Me sure you pick interactive things even simple things like buying some water balloons annd oing to town in the back yard.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 78 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 6/9/2009 6:41:03 PM
After reading all these stories my question is WHY ANY OF THESE PEOPLE WANT TO DATE! Some of us just like to get our teeth remove by a pair of pliers are we donate out major organs and spleen. . . . Then again, some of us appreciate the beauty of a woman and a long lasting life with someone to have by their side to see the pretty colors of the world that it has to offer. Not everyone is the same and each step in life is a growing step. Bad things of the past are not things to carry on into the future. They are all something that builds us, man or woman alike. It's all about a partner, not hoping to find something that tore us down in the past, but someone willing to build something new... together. As well as that, people who answer the original question will be the ones who are active, who left, who are not willing to accept an abusive relationship. Exactamundo! WOOHOOO As well, you touched base on alcoholism. Think of alcohol, drugs, etc for people that do not seek help but continue to dig deeper into the darkness. They are cheating on you and they are cheating their life. There is never an easy way out but the best way above water so to say is with those that are close that love and care. If people do not seek any kind of help after time, yes.. move on. Do not let your life get crushed because of someone hurting you. We are all like brand new cars when we are born.... Shiny, beautiful, not a scratch, and raring to go. Some people end up in the junkyard, while the rest of us get dings and dents, but we freely goto the mechanic, get them fixed and head back on the road. It's all about choices and be proud of your history. It is what made you today!

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 14 (view)

Father wants to see child after 11 years of no contact........ Posted: 6/7/2009 2:56:01 PM
I see where you are coming from and understand the dilema. As a parent, if my daughter's mother came back from 11 years and she wanted nothing to do with her, I would still have some sort of contact. Although you used the word abusive which I would probably not do a physical visit unless surrounded by public people, court, police, etc... Thank you for not interpreting what I said as anything against you as I type things that I try not to point any fingers. You sound like a great mother and you are doing right by yourself and you child about asking and not jumping the gun on a decision. It sounded as though you were very level headed and I just had to post that about talking against the other parent for other public readers to see. In my experience, an Aunt of mine had the same issue as you. I am not sure of the years the father was absent away from my cousin but I know it was at least 8 years... She made her daughter see her father even though he didn't have much and she didn't want to see him. I know the first few times it was hard on her and her child as she persisted to not wanting to be around him. Fast forward their lives another 10 years... His daughter knows of his issues which included abusive, alcoholism, jobless at times. But she loves him for being a father and coming back and trying all he can. He doesn't do much for her but their meetings are overnight or weekly once in a while. My Aunt never begrudged him in front of her daughter and let her make her decisions. All that matters is you do everything right as a parent. If he is safe, ok... If he doesn't hit or verbally abuse, ok... You know more than anyone who this man is and possibly you can check him out and his surroundings prior to even letting your daughter see him. I would do the same to make sure I am protecting my child from anything. That's our job :o) Another possibility you can do is speak with the father, let him know your daughters feelings and why she feels that way. Talk to him about some sort of structured thing where he sends her a card in the mail or a letter once a week. Let him open up to his daughter and let his daughter see his words of who he is and where he wants to be. Then when your daughter is more comfortable with the situation and she has that interest to say "I really want to see and know who my dad is..." Great. It takes good solid communication with the dad and as I said before, you do seem to be very level headed on this tough issue.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

Father wants to see child after 11 years of no contact........ Posted: 6/7/2009 2:34:38 PM
Did he sign any court paperwork saying he waived his rights? People make bad decisions, was his decision correct? In my eye... HELL NO... but that was a choice he made 11 years ago. What I say is all about parental rights. From what the original poster says, he has done nothing legally so I assume he has not waived his rights. Both men and women do this with children. Some see the light and try to come back and put a little light in the eyes of their children. Some come back because they don't want to pay any support. None of those things were mentioned so I am just assuming he was absent and now wants to step up to be what he was supposed to be. Trust me, I don't think highly of this guy at all, but he has rights unless waived.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Father wants to see child after 11 years of no contact........ Posted: 6/7/2009 2:21:04 PM
Here in the United States, both parents, regardless of their stature in the community have what is call "Parental Rights". That term has a lot of meaning without throwing a few definitions in here. Every parent has the right to be a parent to a child to include even seeing the child without obstacles. Now you say he was in jail and don't include the circumstances, that is fine. You know why he was in jail and the reasons if that was really bad (Physical felony), or not so bad (White collar felony). If it is the extreme and that is what concerns you, great, that's what parents do... Watch out for the safety of their children at all times. Legally, you shouldn't be able to hinder his visitation or talk with his child. However if you are concerned, then you need to visit the courthouse or lawyer and setup supervised visitation. You cannot withhold your child from the other parent without legal ramifications. You are hearing this from a father who had his daughter taken from him by her mother and disappeared. Trust me, it is not a good feeling when you are not able to talk to your child, see them, care for them, tuck them in, give them nighttime kisses... That is all in the past and I do not ever let those feelings get in the way of showing my daughter love. I would be happy for my child if she wanted to see her mother and I would let her. Although I would have restrictions and visit the courts, she would be able to see her. You have to be the strong one and allow the visits, phone talks, emails or whatever to take place. You do not want to be the one later in life that your child may turn on for providing any sort of alienation or bad talk to the child against the other parent. No one wins. Simplistically, look out for the safety, welfare, and being of your daughter. Be her mother and do not use bad phrases or words against the other parent in front of her. I am not saying you do but children always want to see their parents unless there is some sort of buffer causing them to not want to.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 57 (view)

forced to be a father? Posted: 6/7/2009 2:09:35 PM
all being married is, is a written paper saying that you are together when in all reality you can love a person just as much being together and not married as you can if you were married, what is the diffrence beside's nothing I had to chime in on this one... There are people that are content in not getting married to have a lifelong relationship. That is fine and it's their prerogative. Now there are those of us out there that believe in the religious and the sanctity of marriage. Swearing your vows to higher powers that be. Marriage is a religious right formed from religion. I will not go into the historical aspect of marriage but that is where it comes from. All in all, when you swear your love, life, and pocket full of gummy worms to someone to a higher power... It is supposed to mean something. Granted, you do not need marriage to be happy but some choose marriage as it is their belief and the person they are with. On the other side, marriage also gets benefits for either spouse from the workplace, health, dental, eyes, special shoes for people with size 15 feet... Marriage has benefits and so does marriage without (Although the corporate are lacking). I remember people in the military getting married just to take care of someone they were not in love with so they could stay stateside and get free medical. Sometimes it worked out, sometimes that didn't. Respectably, to the rest of your post regarding guys realizing before they say things... We are all human, man and woman. Sometimes we all say things to quickly as it hits a nerve or it just plain came out wrong. We need people on both sides of the sexes when dealing with a relationship to take a breath and TALK about what was said instead of jumping down the other's throat. This is 50/50 man and woman, no bias here. I would bet that everyone had a case of foot in mouth disease in their lifetime and wish they could re-say something over so as not to cause conflict. Then again, there are some people out there that are just plain happy being spiteful. Joseph

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

kids being violent Posted: 6/2/2009 8:58:46 PM
I have never given my daughter a chance to be violent. I talk to her. Whenever I saw she was going to do something bad or did something bad, EVERYTHING in the world stopped. I stopped whatever I was doing or whatever was going on around us and got on my knee and talked to her. At a young age, the talk can only last for 10-20 seconds as their attention span is just not there. But as they develop, it gets longer and longer. Even now, she has turned into a great child and never acted out. Other things I have done to get her in the right mind and morally know what is right and wrong is when we are together and see another kid acting up, I stop and point out the bad things and tell her why that is bad. And my last super daddy gift I can pass on is this (I will be copywriting this in the morning)..... Tickles. Yes, I said it... Tickles! If they get sad, if they get upset, tell them this... "You know what's coming.... and when they look at you thinking they might get disciplined, TICKLE THEM. Enjoy the laughter and keep it up. When the tickling stops and they still have that smile and ray of light in their eyes, explain to them why it was wrong what they did but you will always tickle them no matter what. I have been blessed to have a great child and she listens more when she is happy and less is she is scared or angry. I have never had to yell or spank my child. I won't do it (At least until she turns 14-17 and wants to get a tattoo, dye her hair purple, or something else that makes a daddy cringe. You have to raise your children in a way that doesn't condone corporal punishment but puts a smile on their face and opens their ears to your words.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Single Father who wants to date? Posted: 6/2/2009 8:44:23 PM
You are not alone. I assume women are in the same boat as us when it comes to jumping back into the dating scene. I understand completely what you say in regards to "Feeling again". Life isn't meant to be lived alone but with someone that appreciates you and you appreciate them for good times and bad. It seemed so simple when we were younger and got married or had that one relationship that led to having children. Then one day that disappeared and you focused on children and not too much of yourself. What a dilema this is. Now to put yourself out there and try to find someone who fills that void and hopefully in time meets and learns to love you with children. There are going to be bumps. I would suggest as your children are older to talk with them. My daughter turns 6 and I am amazed how wonderfully intelligent she is. I always talk to her about everything. Nothing is a surprise. Let your children know how you feel and what you are hoping to find. I am sure they will accept it for what it is. You don't have to give specific details about it but let them know simply by saying what you said here... "I am looking to get into dating to hope to find a special someone that makes me walk on clouds just as you do." From what you say they understand you have been hurt and you say they are afraid for you to love. If you are hearing that, children pick up on feelings like that from their parents. Be proud that you are a single parent, present yourself as such to your children, and re-assure them that it would be nice to have a woman walk by your side again that cares about you and your children. She would not replace their mother or your role but would possibly be another smile around. Let them know you are missing a piece of you as you would like an adult to share your life with and possibly hold your hand every year as you watch your children graduate. And of course we don't bring dates or opposite sexes around our children until we are sure they have the same feelings and goals as you do. But dating is another book. I wish I could be specific and help better with this answer. If I could, I could possibly write a best selling book! haha Just be sure when you go on dates, you showcase and put forth the things that make you who you are... Proud parent, open heart, not looking for someone just to have someone but looking for someone to be a partner and not a mantlepiece. Of course you will be nervous but think of it this way, she will be just as nervous. Just be calm, enjoy the environment, appreciate your date, and think of things to say about the environment you are in and listen to what she says. Listen, listen listen. It's almost like a marriage all over again without the ring. Listen to what your date says and respond accordingly. Appreciate her for who she is and take in the environment you two are in as if you are looking through the eyes of a young 20 something. The list of things go one, but know who you are, appreciate her for being who she is, listen, relax, don't rush anything, and enjoy yourself. It's just like a live newsperson on tv for the first time... You will make mistakes, it happens. But if you can enjoy the company and conversation, it will be all good and you might even get a giggle about it. The best thing about online dating is it cuts out all the pretense and BS from dating. You're not going to a bar or a club to hook up. You have put yourself out there for who you are and respectively if you get a date from that, she is interested just as she is to you.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

forced to be a father? Posted: 6/2/2009 7:42:45 PM
Ok, to your topic and not how much I love my daughter and the rest that goes with it... Yes it took two to make a baby. But in regards to the way you phrase it leaves it open (I did not see the show today). When I say leaves it in question, I mean this: Did the man use a condom and it break? Did he not use a condom? Did she not use protection? Was she not on the pill? You say he made his feelings clear that he didn't want to be a father in the first place. Was this before she got pregnant? After? Now it is a woman's choice to get an abortion. She does not have to involve the father to be about the decision or even tell him she is pregnant. However, if she has a child then the father regardless of choice is made to pay. I will not state my opinions on abortions as that is another topic made for elsewhere but I will talk about parents rights.... When you have a child, each parent has a right to care, provide and have input on how that child is being raised. No matter what happens, nobody can take that right away unless something severe comes into play (Drugs, severe criminal, alcoholism (depends), and other major issues as such). However a father does not get that right until a baby comes out, not before. I am not saying I condone his attitude for not wanting to pay child support, each parent should provide 50/50. It is the child's right that each parent does so just as it the right of each parent to give that support. We are all adults here I hope and when you have sex, protected or unprotected, there is a chance it could happen. Of course the simple answer is to abstain but seriously in this day and age when you find a woman or man that treats you as you want to be treated and those feelings swell up after time, giving yourself to someone is the ultimate release. That's why there are men and women, we are the ultimate fit together. Something about the right parts fitting in the right place. So yes, each parent is entitled to have a voice and each child is expected to have 50/50 support no matter married, divorced, or never married. You cannot disregard someone that you helped bring into this world.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 25 (view)

Single mum to be...... Posted: 6/2/2009 7:27:17 PM
As it pertains to the original question... As you can tell by all of the responses, being a single mother or father is tough at first. It's not easy whether you have money or not. It takes a lot of love for yourself and your children to succeed. I won't tell you all you need is love and you will be ok. What you need is self happiness, love... love from family, friends, open forums for discussion on such topics, people willing to listen, and you having the ability to listen and learn from all. Future was on topic, she was just asking how she could goto school and raise a child as well as what the father's role was. She didn't accuse her or the father of anything but I can see where she was trying to get further insight. People come and take swipe shots at others on serious matters and sometimes posts are misunderstood. I have apologized for a comment or two in my time as my interpretation was different of what was meant. We all cannot be the best writers and transition our thoughts as we thought we did. Out of all the posts, I hope you have gained a better insight to all and I will continue to commend you on moving forward with all you do and traveling this tough road. It's not easy but a smile every day from your child or children is the greatest treasure you could ever get. Dating happens when everything comes into place. Everyone has a different time to be ready for a relationship and they are all different. You just have to go with the flow and appreciate who you are, what you are doing and where you are going.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 6/2/2009 10:11:39 AM
And thank you for the kind words Future... I am not saying I am an Angel in anyone's eyes, but I'll be darned (I was born in New Jersey and My family would laugh at me for saying that word) if I don't try all I can to keep a family together, let alone keep a happy family. Everyone has faults, otherwise why would anyone even date if we were all perfect? All I had done was put myself down in a hole without a care for myself and only cared for my ex and my daughter, never my own well being. It is refreshing to be done with her as you cannot support or be with someone who never learns how to truly be happy with themself before trying to be with another. Everyone has a story but this is a public forum and people really can't put themselves out in the open. But I will say I have opened my door looking for that special someone and see where it goes. You get to a point in your age where you don't want to go to bars, clubs, and the like to find someone for a long term commitment. So why not open up here and see where it leads you. I will say that I haven spoken with some very wonderful women here and it's refreshing to actually get kind words back.

JaxSingleDad

Joined: 2/28/2009

Msg: 54 (view)

Why did you get divorced? Posted: 6/2/2009 10:01:03 AM
Interesting that most of the replies state that they're divorced because the other person was a nut/abusive/cheater etc. Nobody on POF is responsible for their marriages failing! At least a few people admitted they married young and actually made mistakes. Some of us actually believe in our word and are not self destroying as our ex's were. Take it for what it is not not try to point people out to say it is their fault as well. Yes, it takes two but if you don't want to read or listen to someone's story, turn the page. Everyone has faults. In your eyes I guess I could re-write mine and say... I didn't talk enough, I had to get sleep... I didn't allow her to continue drinking around my child, I should have... I didn't allow her to do as she wishes with whomever, next woman I will let sleep with anyone... I didn't seek counseling enough with her or by myself, next time I will get committed... I didn't dedicate enough time to just her, next time I will quit my job and stop caring for my child so I can buy more beer for my spouse... I didn't allow her friends or family that used drugs to come around my house, next time I will let them smoke up in the spare bedrooms... I should have bought her a new care every year instead of every other year... Yes, you are right, I see how it is my fault too now. Just a bit sarcastic on this one as you can never understand a person completely until you hear their entire story. There are actual people here and in the world that work on a relationship no matter the issues.

Show ALL Forums