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13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 427 (view)

How many is too many? Posted: 11/27/2009 12:50:50 PM
13karat you're making the same mistake as a lot of the others on here are. You're coming at this from "your" viewpoint of sex. You have a liberal view of sex, not everyone does. You think high numbers isn't a big deal, so anyone that does is somehow "wrong" in your eyes. Like I said it's the exact same mistake most of the other women in this thread have made. NO... you are the one making a mistake here... NEVER in my previous post did I say anything about whether the number was high or not.... I talked about the person asking the question in the first place. I said there were other ways of finding out if we meshed in that area, and it did not necessitate asking their number. The issue was not the number... it was the asking of the question. You need to read what I wrote again. Criteria isnt necessarily passing judgement....it is what it is, things you require which may be influenced on what you believe in. Would you date a guy that only makes mininum wage? I doubt it - ok then...you have criteria too. Why would sex be any different? I know it's hard for you ladies with high numbers to understand, but that's just how it is. EVERYONE has criteria, whoever says they don't is lying. Criteria can be used as a preference thing... AND... it can be used as a passing judgement thing. YOU are using it as a passing judgement thing... which is what I have an issue with. You say that women with high numbers generally have something wrong with them on a deeper level..... that is passing judgement... you are saying they are wrong, and by default, that makes you right... which is a control maneuver. Basic psychology 101... you are being a judgemental and controlling person. BTW - the man I am dating makes minimum wage... LOL ... at least that is what he has told me, and to be honest, I couldn't care less. He is a kind, non-judgemental man... who doesn't care to try and control me. You're also a little bit of a hypocrite - you say you want a partner who is sexually liberal but selective who he sleeps with....and how is this this any different from a guy that wants a woman that hasn't been a slut in her life??? You have a criteria too but I guess if it's "your" criteria it's ok...but everyone else's is judgemental...did I get that right? No, read again... you didn't read my post very accurately. I am not being a hypocrite... not at all. I want a man who is sexually liberal in the bedroom... yes... as in, he is creative... not the same old, same old every nite.... and is a bit adventureous. That is a matter of taste, that is criteria being used for selection, not control. And by "being selective who he sleeps with".... what I mean by that is I have dealt with enough men who just want sex - I am tired of being propositioned by them on the dating sites, as are most women.... I don't wish to be with one of those. I beg to differ that ALL women participate in one night stands....this is probably just you and the women in your social circle... and I still say women with high numbers generally have something wrong with them on a deeper level..they always seem a little "off" in someway. Be careful... your judgemental attitudes are showing... now you are not only judging me, but the women in my social circle.... AND... all the women who have high numbers.... and apparently we all "have something wrong with them on a deeper level..they always seem a little "off" in someway." Sir... your post just proved me right in saying men who ask this question are using it to pass judgement.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 423 (view)

How many is too many? Posted: 11/27/2009 11:08:52 AM
If you're scared to talk about it that means you have some sort of issue. If a man is intent on asking about it, I take that as his being a judgemental person... and he is the one with the issues, not me. To ask such a personal question in the first place tells me the number obviously matters to him, to judge me in some sort of way.... as you have just stated, realitybites. You said it is a "criteria" ... a criteria is something by which we judge people.... and I won't be with a judgemental person - period, full stop. I think there are much better ways of finding out if someone is a good match for me or not.... and "their number" is really quite irrelevant to me. Usually the women that are the one night stand vacation sluts are the ones that really fear the subject. I totally disagree... I think the women that avoid their number are the women who hate being judged and/or controlled. Judging someone is just another method of controlling them... and as I stated above, I see that question as a judgement... aka: he is a controlling personality. I would not want a relationship with a woman that has ever had a one night stand, for a number of reasons. I think most people, male or female, have had a one-nite stand by my age.... so I can't see that one even happening. I want a partner who is sexually liberal, but also selective who he sleeps with... and who has probably made a few errors of judgement along the way. Chances are, that means he has had at least one "one-niter" and so what... who am I to judge?

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 341 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/25/2009 1:48:41 PM
Uh, okay, call me naive, but what does age have to do with it? When I originally posted this thread, I had a bit of the shakes from a low blood sugar (I am a type 2 diabetic)... and I was reading a thread in the Sex and Dating forum about shaving one's privates and the preferences, etc. My twisted sense of humour and low blood sugar connected the two, and I had this mental image of trying to shave with the shakes... not a good image. So, of course I got something to eat... and then my twisted sense of humour went into overdrive, and I got to thinking (not always a good thing).... well, Type 2 Diabetes is pretty common.... and so is shaving one's privates, apparently, according to the thread I was reading...... and I had to ask if people give it up with age or not.... Since then... well, the thread just kind of took on a life of its own.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 261 (view)

A real woman Posted: 11/24/2009 2:43:09 PM
@Belle Lass...... I love your description, albeit a compiled list of posts... it still works wonderfully. However, I cannot help but wonder why.... why there are so many women like that who would love a long term relationship... but they are often still single.? I know several women like this.... and they date... yet, nothing long term. If this is what men are looking for, why are they walking right past the good ones?... or is it that lack of self-confidence that many men have... that was talked about in another thread? Just wondering ........

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 206 (view)

bend over. Posted: 11/24/2009 9:47:00 AM
The anas diameter can spread to 5 1/2 inches. How can I stick the 7 1/2 inches diameter in 5 1/2. It will be too much pain and bleeding. In the porn industry they expand the azz hole so wide but they are professionals and must have some secret method to do it. The one time (long ago) I tried anal sex she had bleeding and cried and I got the silent treatment for a week. If there is bleeding, you aren't doing it right.... end of story. I won't discuss it further, as I know there are several other threads in these forums that discuss it in much greater depth and accuracy ... you might want to look them up. OT - I have never tried the strap-on adventure... it could be fun though. I have found that many men have problems with giving up control.... even mild domination stuff like having their hands tied. I think it would take a fair bit of trust to get to that point for most men I know, OP.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 41 (view)

Dating people with problem kids Posted: 11/24/2009 9:18:07 AM
This is why I am very careful... and I try to meet a man's kids... and watch him interact with them early in the relationship.... and most of the men in my age group have teens, so they aren't so "careful" about protecting the kids from meeting a new girlfriend. I listen when they talk about their kids... if they are one of those parents who run to and fro all the time, giving their kids rides when there is a perfectly good transit system, etc.... I usually pass. Basically, if they let their kids walk all over them, and they have no boundaries with their kids.... no thanx. If a person is enabling their kids and has no boundaries or private life separate from their kids, then I have to wonder where their self-esteem is.... because if they aren't maintaining their own identity while still being a parent, where is their sense of self?.... and the resultant self-esteem and self-respect? Also too, people tend to treat others as they allow themselves to be treated... and sooner or later they will treat you with the same lack of boundaries that they are letting their kids treat them. I can't live with that in my home with own children, so I certainly won't live with that in a romantic relationship.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 48 (view)

Finances and expenses - responsibility and commitment Posted: 11/23/2009 8:52:56 PM
@ sapphire eyes While I agree with you in principle that it shouldn't be about the money, and that the kids should be equal, etc.... I also live in the real world. In reality, the kids are going to measure and compare themselves to one another... they are going to be looking for one kid to be the favourite over another... and it is very very tough to blend families... even more so once they get into their teen years and university. It is not just about the two people involved who "love each other"... it is also about their family. The kids have probably not yet reached that level of maturity where they are so non-materialistic... that is something that comes with age, in most cases. It is also about parenting styles... and that is not an easy thing to blend, unfortunately. I have seen so many people who "love each other" and try to blend their families... and it does not work... because they maybe should have waited until the kids were finished school, etc.... had they waited, they would still be together.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 108 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/22/2009 8:12:21 PM
^^^^^^ Judging from this statement I can understand why. Men want to date cheerful, upbeat, undemanding pleasant women who like men, are nice and enjoyable to be around and truly want men in their lives. You know, that statement came out a lot harsher than I intended... but I wrote it on 4 hrs sleep, and one coffee low... sorry about that. That being said... I really have a hard time understanding why so many men have major confidence issues. I have a neighbour who is drop dead gorgeous... 45... very intelligent, both emotionally and intellectually.... is handy around the house... a great cook.... has a good job.... a responsible parent. YET... he doesn't believe in himself. If he was the only one, it would be different... but I have a few good friends and/or neighbours who are in a similar category. The main thing they have in common is they are all about 45 and over. They have so much more going for them than the younger men... and yet they seem to be the last ones believing this. Anyone care to enlighten me as to why?

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 429 (view)

When a woman is squirting...exactly what is squirting out and from where? Posted: 11/22/2009 2:06:03 PM
18 pages of debate and the best we get is karat saying ITZNOTPEE with no scientific evidence ps karat i you must have great intelligence?, obviously why you are here, but this is a debate so lighten up I realise your time is precious with two children, working three jobs, volunteer, and taking night classes and your still able to post here lmao so what is it? the name of the discharge? and please dont try to tell us what it isnt ! Sorry it took me so long to reply... my life doesn't revolve around posting in the forums... or the need to be right and putting others down and making trolling posts. If I was the only person (male or female) on this thread saying it is real, then it would be different... but there are many others in these forums claiming they have been part of the experience too. I could not manage to maintain a thread of 18 pages by myself... even if I wanted to, POF has rules against that... good thing I have better things to do. I never claimed to have great intelligence... I just don't go off spouting about something I obviously know nothing about. As for trying to make you appear "un-intelligent".... no need, you are doing a great job all by yourself. (btw - if you want people to take you seriously, cleaning up the grammar and spelling would be a good start) BTW - The tantric world calls it "amrita"... the modern, urban world calls it "vajaculate." As for the scientific world.... well, they only recently acknowledged that women have a prostate... they have a bit of catching up to do.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 570 (view)

I Don't Need A Man.., I very Independent..etc etc = RED Flags? Posted: 11/21/2009 9:24:37 PM
I think the attitude of "I don't NEED someone in my life" is a REACTION, and not a an actual independent ACTION. I think that when a person says that, they are still reacting from a place of pain... usually the pain of a past relationship. When they get to the point where they can acknowledge while they are OK managing on their own... they really DO need someone in their life... and that they want someone in their life to love and care for ... then maybe they have gotten over that pain.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 87 (view)

I have zero experience with older men. Posted: 11/21/2009 6:16:15 AM
The way you encourage him is the way he will respond. Maybe, when you are about to become intimate, let him take control and let him seduce you. If you take control he may be more concerned about his performance issue(s) then. If only! In my experience, the men in our age group are of two camps - either they are "too much of a gentleman" to take control in or out of the bedroom.... OR.... they are such jerks, they want to control each and every little thing in and out of the bedroom. I can't remember the last time a man actually had the guts to even ask me out on a date... let alone take control in the bedroom.... OOPS - gotta get the date before the bedroom.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

What do Atheist Holla Out During Sex? Posted: 11/19/2009 3:57:38 PM
WTH is a negative orgasm??!! Maybe the ones where he makes it and you don't... you almost do, but then just get let down? Being Pagan, I tried yelling "oh, goddess" a few times, but that just didn't work... I thought of trying "oh, creator" but decided to give it a pass... moans, groans and a few strategic "YES!!" yells seems to work best...

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 68 (view)

whats the most orgasms you've had in one day? Posted: 11/19/2009 3:22:10 PM
I can only say recently, as I don't remember with the ex, so it obviously wasn't very memorable. For him... 4 in one hour. With kids and life, we only had an hour... damn! For me... lost count after 12.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

finding a girl who enjoys sex Posted: 11/18/2009 3:57:40 AM
OP - I would do some research on women's sexuality to make sure it isn't you... honestly learn to be a good lover... in short, become what you wish to attract.... and don't forget the emotional support aspect. Also... do some serious soul-searching - why did y ou put up with an unsatisfying relationship for 6 years??? Once you get an answer to that, and fix whatever is at the root of that... then you should be well on your way to attracting the right kind of woman for yourself.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 33 (view)

Female Tool of the Trade Posted: 11/18/2009 3:48:48 AM
I have met a few men through the years who are threatened by toys.... are you one of those, OP??? Nothing replaces the "toy" that has a heartbeat - it cuddles, kisses, makes me very happy... and sometimes even makes me coffee in the morning.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 419 (view)

When a woman is squirting...exactly what is squirting out and from where? Posted: 11/15/2009 7:42:09 PM
ITZPEEEE ITSZPEEE lol too funny You know, when people post foolish things like this.... with no real knowledge... and nothing of any merit to add to the discussion...... you really gotta wonder. Wonder if they realize they are making themselves look foolish? Wonder if they even give a damn? Wonder if they realize how stupid they make themselves look... and therefore make a lot of other posters look a lot more intelligent? Yup - you really gotta wonder who forgot to add the bleach to the shallow end of the gene pool.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Prove Me Wrong, PLEASE Posted: 11/15/2009 4:52:48 PM
Sex is not a gift OR a reward... in a healthy relationship it should just BE... be part of the relationship... be part of showing your partner how you feel... be a reflection of the dynamics of the relationship. Sex is a mirror of what is going on between the two people... and yes, even if they are together just for casual sex.... or if they have been married for years.... it is always a direct reflection of the dynamics of the relationship. In my viewpoint, there are three main aspects in a relationship - person 1, person 2 and the relationship. The relationship is its own separate entity... and it creates its own dynamic that is a merge/blend/synthesis of the two people involved. I have been through my share of relationships in my life, and none of them have ever been the same... but they have all had something good about them... and believe me, it was not always the sex that was the good part. Do I think that your opening line of "men give affection to get sex, and women give sex to get affection" is true? Yes - very much so... in most cases anyway. Sex is to most men what hugs and kisses are to most women - we just don't see the world the same way... it is biology.... but I also think most people, regardless of gender, enjoy sex... once they have learned to love themself, and accept themself... and found what does/does not work for them in the world of relationships, sex and love. It sounds to me like you are still searching.... that is a good thing.... do it now, while you are young, and learn who you are first... then you will know what you have to offer in a relationship... and what your own needs are in a relationship ... that is most of the journey, IMO.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

London coffee meets - anyone else interested in hosting them? Posted: 11/15/2009 1:23:16 PM
Kappy - I sent you an email... if you know another person who will help you, preferably female, that will help you immensely. Many posters have restrictions as to gender on their profile, allowing only males or females to contact them.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

London coffee meets - anyone else interested in hosting them? Posted: 11/14/2009 9:24:38 AM
firmbear - It doesn't take a lot of time. I am currently raising two children, working three jobs, volunteer, and taking night classes.... and I found time for it. Sorry, but the "no time" excuse holds very little water with me.... if something is a priority in our lives, we find time for it.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 58 (view)

Tolerance with age? Posted: 11/14/2009 3:35:47 AM
msg 56 - I like the way you express things, morningson53 - very well put. I don't know if I am any more or less tolerant than when I was younger... I am just not so "having to be right" about things. I have the maturity now to walk away from something that doesn't work for me... when I was younger, I would try and stay and help them or whatever. Now, I realize that there is their path, and this is mine... and if that is what they choose, then go for it... and I carry on my merry way. So, the things that do/don't work for me are still almost the same (drinking, smoking, etc)... but the way I handle them has changed immensely.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

London coffee meets - anyone else interested in hosting them? Posted: 11/10/2009 9:46:21 AM
Well, GoodForTheSoul 68 and myself have been running the London coffee meet and greets for a couple of months now, and we have a great facility that is free available to us.... and we have had a great turn-out. However, we have run into a bit of a problem.... we have both had pressing personal issues come up that prohibit us from continuing the hosting of this weekly event. Is there anyone else who would be interested in facilitating these events? If so, feel free to contact myself or GoodForTheSoul68.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Books on Wicca Posted: 11/9/2009 9:30:27 AM
I am not familiar with Jeffrey Burton Russell, I will have to look into him. As for Doreen Valiente, I have a really hard time taking her seriously on this subject, considering she is a big "angels" advocate. There are no angels in any traditon of Wicca that I have ever seen, and that is the main thing that Doreen Valiente is extremely well-known for.... or did she just follow the "angel cash bandwagon?" I honestly don't know... but just considering her past books, I would not take her very seriously on the subject of Wiccan history. JMHO

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 12 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/5/2009 7:30:28 PM
Well, they don't send out the notices for us until we have 20 people sign up, unfortunately. However, if you keep a look out, we are going to keep running these, either weekly or bi-weekly... just look for them, and sign up. The more people who sign up, the more will come. We have a great meeting place, with access to a DVD player, a projector... it is a great space, suitable for games nights, movies, whatever we wish. Hope to see you there.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/4/2009 6:55:01 AM
Post 13 - but what is wrong with showing our age, as long as we take care of ourselves? I am not one of these "forever young" advocates, sorry.... I think we should embrace our age and the experience and maturity we have gained with it. I am not one to appear as anything but the person I am... LOL... as my posting history will show. Yeah, I know a bit of a nutbar with an inquiring mind - as those who know me would agree.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 8 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:43:41 AM
I'm with morningsong! Isn't anything "private"? I am not necessarily asking for your own personal hygiene habits... but women talk... and men do too.... and we DO tend to sleep with the opposite gender - or even the same gender, if that is your preference. What have been your observations in your travels and conversations with others? I honestly wonder if this is more of an age-related issue than anything. At what age do people start doing what works for them and not necessarily following "the latest thing?"

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/4/2009 5:32:27 AM
are you having any events closer to burlington/oakville area? I know there are quite a few events that are run in the Hamilton area on a semi-regular basis by the "hammertown hoppers." You might want to check the party threads for those. I also noticed there are a few events on the board in the Cambridge - K/W - Guelph area. I know there are often people who will offer rides for gas money if you don't have a card. By and large, the groups that go to these events, in either area, are really good people. I have met a lot of great people through this site, and I personally think it a great avenue to meet new people.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/4/2009 5:27:31 AM
I'll be there, let me know more details, give me a answer What would you like to know, ForeverEagle? I think I have most of the details in the original post, and the directions a little better in my last post... but it is hard to see what is missing when I am the one who wrote it. Being a writer, the saying in the industry is "You should never edit your own work".... as I can't see the holes.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

Shaving or trimming your privates at our age? Posted: 11/4/2009 5:03:59 AM
I was reading a thread in the 'sex and dating' forums about the "shaving craze" as they called it - the shaving and/or trimming of one's private area. It got me to wondering, is this just a thing for the younger crowd.... or is it something that is also "the norm" in our age group? I couldn't help but think that it could get a little dangerous considering how our hands start to shake, etc. once we get older.... or if we become diabetic and our sugar levels go high or low and we get the shakey hand thing going on. (Yes, I am diabetic, and my hands shake when my sugars go low.) I would love to hear what others have to say on this subject... feedback???

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 22 (view)

Books on Wicca Posted: 11/4/2009 4:48:50 AM
Buckland and Cunningham are good but one must READ, READ, READ... and do much research and know what you are getting into. The other thing one must also consider is that a lot of the Pagan/Wiccan beliefs are oral.... at least in my experience. There are many things I have found out through my teacher/mentor that you will not find in any book.... and believe me, I have tried. I read everything I could get my hands on for about 15-20 years.... and now, in private instruction, I am learning tons and tons more than I ever imagined. However, that being said, there is one author out there who comes very close to covering all the bases. Christopher Penczak is an amazing author... he has written a four book series that is the closest I have ever found to "covering it all." JMHO

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 377 (view)

is it sin to be a wiccan? Posted: 11/4/2009 4:29:33 AM
I'm basing this on what God's word has to say on the subject..using this as the authority. That makes about as much sense as using the Muslim Koran to tell a Christian he is doing wrong.... or the Jewish Talmud to assess the doings of a Muslim.... or the Hindu Vedas to tell a Jewish person they have done wrong. It is not their holy book and it holds no weight with them.... it is not their god... it is yours. If that works for you, fine... but don't try and tell another person they are wrong because YOUR god tells them so.... it's not THEIR god - it is YOURS. And even your god teaches love, understanding, compassion and tolerance. The old testament scriptures have stood the test of time. We know this because they predict events thousands of years before they occur. Therefore we know it to be true!! If you did a bit of research into the history of Wicca/Paganism, and the Sabbats and holidays within the Pagan/Wiccan teachings, you would quickly realize that most of the Christian holidays were "borrowed" from Wicca/Paganism wholesale. If you do some historical research, you will find that the Romans were very well known for doing this... but that requires an open mind on your part too. It is not so clear cut as you may think.... Paganism has been around for a lot longer than neo-Paganism, and having just recently done a research paper on the history of the neo-Pagan movement, I quickly found out that neo-Paganism is not the only Pagan/Wiccan show around.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 146 (view)

Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age Posted: 11/4/2009 3:40:22 AM
You know, I was talking to my best friend about this the other day... she has come up with a theory on it... some days, this woman cracks me up. A few weeks ago, there was a thread in one of the forums on why is it that the really strong Christians (according to their profile) are the first ones to proposition you for sex or bring up the subject... and there was this one amazing answer from a regular forumite who called it the theory of "sin management." Well, I told my friend about this thread, and she loved that term - sin management. So when I asked her about her views on dating a few people and not having sex.... she has called it "sin networking".... so then it can lead to "sin management" ... and she has now offered to teach me her methods .... she has even started calling me "grasshopper."

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/3/2009 1:51:51 PM
I have been asked for directions from two posters, so here goes. It is on the North side of Dundas Street, between William and Maitland Streets. You can't really miss the building - it is across the street and down half a block from the police station at Adelaide and Dundas. It is a big white building, with wrought iron fences around it. The meeting is NOT in the white building, but in the old house behind it. If you come on Queen street, which is a one way going towards downtown, it is one and a half blocks down from Adelaide. The entrance to it is almost directly across from Peter Street. You won't see the white building so much, but will come in beside the old house where the meeting is. If you google-map the addresses, with "satellite" turned on, you will see a big empty parking lot in the middle of the block. The Needham Funeral Home is on the Dundas side of that parking lot, and the house which used to be the Needham family home (where the meeting is) is on the Queens Ave side of that parking lot. I hope to see everyone there.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/3/2009 11:01:15 AM
I am hoping a few more of the regulars show up this week - and a few more new people. It would be great to be able to play cards or some other games with a few folks.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 565 (view)

Stop being a NICE guy Posted: 11/3/2009 5:52:18 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ So incredibly dead on, it is almost scarey! I ocassionally go to a local bar with some girlfriends, and do the very same thing... people-watching at its finest. This bar is very much a "meat market" bar... but it is also somewhat unique in that it changes demographics throughout the nite. It starts out as a 50+ bar with a few of the regulars getting their meals and a few beers, etc.... then the 35-45 crowd till about midnite.... then the younger, college and university crowd to close it down. I often sit and just watch..... and regardless of the age group, the men and women who aren't so concerned about being with someone are those who end up being with someone... the ones who come across as more needy get walked on by. Confidence is still the greatest attraction of all, in my opinion.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 110 (view)

Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age Posted: 11/2/2009 9:10:57 AM
@rearguard and peekaboo While that may be what works for you, it may not be for others. I think a huge part of it varies on what a person is looking for... you are looking for "friends" and "hang out".... and so casual sex may be part of that for you.... and if that works for you, great. However, it has been my experience, considering that I am looking for a LTR, that if you bring sex into the equation too early, it quickly becomes a sex-based relationship. I love sex just as much as the next person.... but once you open that open that door, you aren't going to close it again. Sooo.... I would rather find out if the person I am dating is long term material OUTSIDE of the bedroom first... and then find out if they are long term material INSIDE of the bedroom. If all things work in both areas, then maybe he is a keeper and I will consider being exclusive with him... and see where things go from there.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 104 (view)

Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age Posted: 11/2/2009 6:43:48 AM
^^^^ too true. You don't have to date the players for any length of time... just past 3 dates, in my experience. So many men use the "reverse 3 date rule" as a friend of mine put it. The "reverse 3 date rule" is where if they don't get laid in the first 3 dates, they are gone.... I always go a few more than that.... you can't get much of an idea as to who they are and what their game is (or lack of games) in 3 dates. You don't have to date any one of them for any length of time... the "unsuitable suitors" show their true colours pretty fast, IMO.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 102 (view)

Dating a couple people but not having sex at our age Posted: 11/2/2009 5:00:26 AM
Call me old fashioned or naive,,, I thought dating was going out to have fun and getting to know them,,, I thought "going steady" meant going out with only one person,,, I thought engaged meant you were planning "long term" or permanent,,, So, what I'm seeing here with some of the replies is that in order for you to "date" someone, it has to be exclusive? Seems to me to be sort of an insecurity problem,,, Or is it that some want a handle or grip on the other person at all times even though they're in the "just getting to know someone" stage,,, I'd think it might scare off some potential suitors,,, I am getting older and would like to possibly accelerate the chances of meeting "the one" by seeing some and sorting through them. As long as I make my intentions clear and they understand, how does "our age" play into it except that I will be dealing with more mature women who understand what I am doing,,,? Two posts by NewToMichiana - and they sum up my view very nicely! I have been in the world of online dating enough to realize that there are many people, male or female, who just want sex.... plus an assorted medley of other games... as we all know. I am not in that category... I want something long term. I figure that by doing the casual dating of several "suitors" then they will weed themselves out... via the "disappearing act".... or the "push for sex" and if they don't get it, they are gone.... or whatever other game they wish to play. Time and time again I have seen the old adage prove itself .... Time tells all stories..... and I am just letting people show me who they are - all in time. If I am dating several people, I am "accelerating my chances" as NewToMichiana so succintly put it.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 13 (view)

This one I could use some help on.... Posted: 11/1/2009 4:57:17 PM
Stay true to yourself.... and if you really wish to separate yourself from the flock, I can think of a few things... that are true whether you go to bars or not. 1 - learn to dance, and ask women to dance like a gentleman.."hey yo!" while pointing at the dance floor is not gentlemanly. 2 - don't drink excessively when you are out, unless of course that is the kind of woman you wish to attract. 3 - DO NOT become a horn-dog... show genuine interest and ask her things about herself. The subject of sex tends to take care of itself, in my experience. 4 - DO NOT do the "disappearing act"... if you are truly interested in a woman, then show it... without becoming a cling-on. Call her within a day or two, and make a second date. Continue to follow up, call when you say you will, and be on time... yes, this may seem really simple... but very few actually do it.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 62 (view)

Why women have more sexual prospects.. Posted: 11/1/2009 3:15:16 PM
Women have power over men, but so do men over women. It's just that men are too willing to give their power away for sex of all things. If that were true, then why do men do the disappearing act as soon as they get some?... it is a very common complaint in the forums?... and many men just want that - as soon as they get it, they are gone. The very fact that you appear to be 'competing' for power tells me you lack it in every single way...Power/influence is only ever measured for self worth by those that lack it. Now this is a much more accurate posting of the truth, IMO... I love your posts, ArabianAngel.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

London Coffee Meet - Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Posted: 11/1/2009 1:36:39 PM
HOSTS: 13karat WHERE: 520 Dundas St./513 Queens Ave. In behind Needham's Funeral Home (NOT PART OF IT) WHEN: Thursday, Nov 5, 2009, 7 - 9 pm Address: 520 Dundas Street - London, ON - N6B 1W6 What To Bring: Any food or drink you would like as well as any games or other activities. Details: The meet and greets take place in the building they hold receptions. This building is free for use by the community the only condition for use is it must be a non-profit meeting and that we clean up after ourselves.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

Good While Dating, But not for Marriage or LTR Posted: 10/31/2009 3:31:56 PM
I'm the complete opposite, OP. I want to spend my life with the one who is wild in bed and willing to push the boundaries with me. I was married for 12 years to someone where the sex was rare and sucked when we had it. No way in heck I"ll settle for mundane sex again. ------- Long term I look for compatibility on all levels. - personality, companionship, chemistry, and sexually. And for me sexually means someone who won't settle for the same sex moves every time. For someoen who is secure in his sexuality and masculinity and willing to have fun with sex. You say it very well, kayliecat. For 20 years, I was in a very sexually unsatisfying marriage... and I will NEVER compromise on that again. I want someone who will challenge me in that area... who is comfortable with himself and his sexuality... and is willing to explore things together... in and out of the bedroom. He also has to be able to communicate his needs, wants and desires.... it just makes everything so much more fun... and a lot less of a guessing game.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 77 (view)

Clitoral vs. Vaginal orgasms Posted: 10/31/2009 3:19:44 PM
There is only one type of orgasm... clitoral... yes. You heard me. k. At the age of 25, you honestly think you are an authority on this?.... and not just for you, but for all of womankind? OK - now I gotta wonder why you would paint yourself into this very limited corner. This may be true for YOU.... and you only.... but I know it isn't true for me... and for millions of other women. Without even getting into the anatomy of the clitoris and the vagina, etc.... you have forgotten two other methods that I can think of without blinking. There ARE women out there who orgasm from anal sex - without any clitoral play - how is that a clitoral orgasm then, if it is not being stimulated? There are also women out there who can literally have a "mental orgasm" (for lack of a better term). They require ZERO stimulation to their physical body... it is all played out in some erotic theatre in their mind.... and yet, they have a physical orgasm. Sorry, hun... you are way off the mark with your oh so under-informed statement.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 9 (view)

Sex Frequency compatability question Posted: 10/31/2009 12:46:09 PM
As CassaGo so aptly put it... "There are other things involved in sex besides frequency." I once dated a nymphomaniac.... he had a 20 minute recovery time... and could go all nite long. So what? ... he couldn't last... and there was no affection in that... it was mechanical and totally lacking in ANY kind of satisfaction. It was all about him, nothing about sexually satisfying me.... and he obviously didn't last. Exes are exes for a reason... and I think your friend needs to remind himself of that. She is with HIM... not her ex... and there is an obvious reason for that. Sex means more to most men than it does to most women. JMHO

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 74 (view)

Clitoral vs. Vaginal orgasms Posted: 10/30/2009 8:05:23 PM
I'm a bit confused as to why or how guys are giving women instructions on how to reach an orgasm. Doesn't that seem the least bit odd? I don't find that odd at all... but then I don't have the closed mind that you do either. I am not into women, so I think it is very commendable that men WANT to learn how to make their women orgasm. After being married for 20 yrs to a man who was the most selfish lover I have ever known - kudos to these men who want to learn how to please their woman. They are not saying they know a woman's body better than their own... but I would definitely take advice from a woman who gives great blowjobs, if that was I seeking to learn.... so why shouldn't they take advice from other men on the subject? Just like all men's penises are in approximately the same place, all G-spots are in approximately the same location too. Just like MOST men (not all) LOVE certain basic methods when receiving a blowjob, so do MOST women's G-spots respond to the same basic methods when making her cum. NOTICE I SAID MOST.... NOT ALL. I truly fail to see why you are not able to comprehend that many of the male posters in this thread are trying to help.... is that not good thing? It is called being an understanding and non-selfish lover on these men's parts.... is that not a good thing?

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

Christmas. Posted: 10/29/2009 6:16:13 AM
^^^^^ I have to agree with you on that one motowncowgirl* Don't JUST think of Christmas Day... think of the fallout afterwards. IF she can keep it very polite, and no shenanigans... IF she is willing to tell the children, in front of you, that this does not mean in any way, shape or form that you two will be getting back together... IF she is willing to do the same for another member of the other child's family (considering she will have nothing to do with her recent ex).... IF she can meet all of these... then maybe... I would go there.... but she is only thinking of herself in my estimation... and is not thinking of the damage that all these mixed messages will do to the kids. I have been down that path, and my ex played these games on mine.... they have never forgiven him. JMHO

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 6 (view)

London Coffee - Meet and Greet - 7 pm - Thursday, Oct 29, 2009 Posted: 10/28/2009 5:47:28 PM
I certainly hope you can make it Lostinthecity - it has been ages since I have seen you. I will be there approximately 15-20 minutes early, and will be putting up bright pink signs apparently - thanx GFDS It will be great to see everyone again.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 35 (view)

Do You Think People Are Possessions? Posted: 10/28/2009 7:40:51 AM
You would only be a doormat IF you were a jealous person BUT you let your partner flirt, go over exes and whatnot (if they want) because the fear of losing them is greater than your own self respect = compromise without being met = doormat. While I agree that cheaters will cheat regardless of how good you treat them.... I also recognize that many people will "appear to cheat" to get attention from their partner. In my humble opinion, this is what she was doing.... she was leaving the house in her bikini, to visit a an ex-boyfriend.... and he never batted an eyelash... HELLO!!!... this is an obvious cry for attention. Yes, she should have spoken to him about it... and yes, communicating things to him is the better way to go about it... but we don't know that she didn't ... we have no idea what she did before this incident. HOWEVER... we do know she was waving a huge red flag in his face and he did nothing... the red flag was in her viewpoint, obviously, as his lack of response resulted in her ending the relationship... she was making a very obvious play for attention... trying to get him going. She was deliberately playing a "game" and he let her.... he never said "whoaaa... we need to communicate here"... nothing like that.... he allowed her to walk all over him. I don't see a doormat as being "controlled by another person"... I see a doormat as your allowing yourself to be treated with a lack of respect - full stop. And most games ... like the one she was pulling... show a huge lack of respect. Now, that is only my definition of "games" and my opinon on what she was doing, and the lack of respect shown... but, I thought that was the nature of forums... are they not for opinions?? ... if not, please show me where it says differently.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 18 (view)

The Cervix andThe REAL Deal about Big Penises. Have Your Say and settle it for all time! Posted: 10/28/2009 7:11:22 AM
@ no_1_bby - post 12 But I never hit bottom on any other woman. I take it each woman's vagina has a certain depth that is unique from woman to woman? .... My ex was shorter than other women I dated. I am very tall so in my young days I gravitated towards taller women. Did not hit bottom on them. Tall woman make a difference? It is not so much the size of the woman, height, weight, etc.... or even if they have had children.... but the "tilt of their cervix" matters. Most women of much experience know what size they can handle personally... and what positions are good for them if a man exceeds that size. Google "cervical tilt"

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 32 (view)

Do You Think People Are Possessions? Posted: 10/28/2009 4:52:51 AM
Being the complete antithesis of the insecure, jealous, possessive young boy I was, a girlfriend can wear a bikini and say that she will be visiting her ex-boyfriend and I will just tell her, "Have a good time, honey!" and I just sit at home and watch Dateline on TV and wait for her to come home. This incident actually happened and she dumped me because she felt that I did not love her. Now, while I understand that you are allowing her the freedom to do whatever she wishes.... this one is a total lack of self-respect. In this situation, you have to realize that her ex-boyfriend is still a red-blooded male... and she was obviously testing you... and is a red-blooded female.... why would you allow yourself to be a doormat? Yes, I am one of those who enters a relationship with the same attitude as you... I am not clingy or needy... and I have no expectations of that person. They are MY expectations, not his, and who am I to transfer them to him? I want to allow him the freedom to show me who he is.... and he will, in time. BUT... that does not mean I do not show him I care... show him I appreciate him... and make him WANT to stay. That is part of who I AM.... showing my feelings is part of my being true to ME. In this instance above, if the man I was dating went to an ex-girlfriend's place, all dressed for a night out, or in the male equivalent to a bikini (a Speedo?.. but at my age, I know no man they look good on)... I would definitely be taking notice. I would ask him if there are things he wishes to talk about, and I would also outright ask if he is doing her. BUT.... I would not let him leave without him knowing I am concerned that he is showing me so much disrespect that he would go to another woman's home in a bikini equivalent. OP - from what you have said in your posts, it sounds like you have turned off your feelings... and showing someone you care is part of that. If it isn't maybe you need to do some work on what made you turn off those feelings... because they ARE there, I would bet.

13karat

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 59 (view)

Second (or Third or. . . ) Time Around Posted: 10/27/2009 3:51:23 PM
So now I wonder, if we somehow learn the wrong lessons from failure? And how do we change that? Is it even possible to change, or are we doomed to just doing more of the same? I think we learn from life... what TO do... and what NOT TO do. You have learned what NOT to do.... NOT to put up with someone else's lack of effort. What TO do?.... well, recognize that you deserve better.... recognize that you deserve to be treated with love and respect.... and when he starts treating you with less than that... let him know. If he is willing to work on that with you - great... if not, then you have the "what not to do" to look to for guidance.

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