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nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 55 (view)

do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner? Posted: 6/4/2009 10:27:28 PM
Hi Keoiblue I am not sure about ever mending a broken heart but I do know time heals a little at a time. No contact of any kind worked for me, which means I can't be friends either, not now or inthe near future. You also have to change your thinking of losses. There were no losses but only gains made from the break. There is a resaon for every thing, a possitive reason. It is ok to have pain. Just don't dwel on it and get out and do different stuff with new folks. Those painfull moments will fade and become less frequent. I beleive you will see the possitives and eventually be able to face the memories with little pain and smile at the good times you had with your ex. good luck and have faith

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 5 (view)

Is it worth it to pursue someone or a dream Posted: 5/23/2009 7:56:27 PM
with every great thing comes great risk. There are no guaranttee's in this world except we are all going to die. I feel the two most important things in my life are my health and friends, and friends can be your love and partner. Do what you will, only you know what your missing in your life but no amount of money will ever give you the same joy as finding your soul mate. You can buy a partner, you can buy all the toys the world has to offer but you will only get short term gratification, and then you will looking for somethig else. Personaly, I would give all my worldly assets and moneys away to have my soul mate, even with the risk of losing her afterwards. There is no thing like it.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Did I do the best thing? Posted: 5/23/2009 6:35:39 PM
Hi vinny, There is a thread on this same page called,"just suffered a break up?" posted by richard. I questioned where he got is opinion from but what he says is very good information. Basicaly my hardest part of my last break up was no having contact, or accually having text or cell contact that kept hurting me. A person needs complete no contact for as long as it takes. Good luck to you and stay strong.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 61 (view)

i need closure and my x refuses to give it Posted: 5/23/2009 7:34:54 AM
It has been my expierence that "why" questions just cant be anwsered right away, months from now or ever. Why did that tornado take her house but not mine? why why why.. Focus on how and what . How can I start to feel better, what can I do to make my life better. Easier questions to anwser and self healing directions. Been there and it will hurt no matter if you know why or not.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1108 (view)

Men don't like TALL women Posted: 5/14/2009 8:39:56 PM
I think you got it pretty much figured. I have dated both. I am not really tall, 5'11' , and there are definate advantages to both.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 36 (view)

Women are awesome Posted: 5/14/2009 8:33:03 PM
without women we wouldn't be here. But yes, like a beautiful sunrise, or a mirror image of a calm lake, ladies are creatures meant to be looked at. Well most of them anyways, jk. I just wish I could have one as a partner that believed that. You know. That it's ok to look at another women because they are meant to be looked at. Joking again. Nice topic though. thanks.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 29 (view)

Why do some people use their kids to hurt their ex ? Posted: 5/14/2009 8:24:06 PM
I have been there done that, blended family, her kids my kids. Rule #1 Dont ever put down the other parent even in front your kids let alone her kids. Or in your case at any time. Use logical excuses for changes like, she must of had an emergancy appointment at that time or something like that . Never show any anger about the situation, it just teaches anger is ok. Kids are smarter then you think. They will figure out the truth on there own in there own time. They will thank you and scratch their head about your ex. They probably won't hate there other parent but they definetly will respect you for your respect to their feelings.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 10 (view)

I don't get it. What's the difference? Posted: 5/14/2009 8:10:03 PM
Interesting concept. Here's a twist. In the city where I live POF as gained the name plenty of trash. I am 50 but apperently, according to one of my much younger work mates who is on this site, 18 to early 20year olds use the site as a get laid and move on the next, no matter what their putting on their profile.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 2 (view)

Words for the broken hearted... Posted: 5/14/2009 8:00:02 PM
No replies???? No wonder. You summed up everything. Thankyou for your words of wisdom. There is a reason for everything. There is a reason I felt compelled to read your words. I know now more on how to word it to others who are in pain. Comunication!!

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

honesty is best- even here Posted: 5/14/2009 7:24:34 PM
Well I am feeling better about my self and met some nice people here and on the POF. I owe most of my betterment to people like yourself here and friends of mine in my city. One of the best advise I got was to love yourself and look for a positive reason for the break. If you love yourself it becomes contaigeous and others love you as well. Another friend just today said that he watched a movie where this guy was down and out from a break up and every one that tried to help him by inviting him to functions or other activities he would turn them down. Just didn't feel like it so he would say no thanks and do nothing except dwell on his negatives. He finally got convinced to say yes to every thing, every invite ect and became so busy and quite popular in doing so.I had no idea that the posts that were being processed here ended up on your profile. I feel quite foolish about this. I got talked into going on this site by friends and so I made my profile as attractive as I could with out being dishonest. I just didn't put on there how I felt about my ex for obvious reasons. Now I see it is there anyways if people care to read the other posts I typed. I saw the broken heart thread and saw it as an ave to anwsers I couldn't find anywhere. I thought maybe I would have people tell me what I wanted to hear.I have sinse learned that there are no anwsers but there is an endless amount of kind people that support and sympathise with those in pain right here on this site and I thank you all.I might be deceving some by not including on my profile that I have only had 6 months since my split and for that I am sorry. I do see my self moving forward and being more educated and stronger then I have ever been. I am sure I will have weak moments when my memory plays with my mind but I have been practicing a spiritial concept for the last year and a half, sinse my father went into a group home and no longer knew who I was, which helps to control thoughts and emotions. The literature is by Eckart Tolle. It helped with my break but love is a very strong emotion and saying good bye to it took a fair bit of self awarness. So again I thank all for support and hope that loneliness will be short lived for myself and all that are reading this.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 24 (view)

do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner? Posted: 5/13/2009 9:05:39 PM
Your right datedaja. I wasn't meaning it the way I wrote it. I feel realy terible for the man. He must be scared beyond scared. I am having a hard time understanding any of this time of my life. My ex and I were like happy beyond happy and all was perfect and I never got a reason for the split. It happened very suddenly and coinsident or not, it was right after her ex got sick and her job pressure comenced into crazy unrealistic hours and no days off. I guess I am just trying to blame something so I can make sense of this. I just really miss her and our great times we had. I have had painful splits before but never anything this extreme. I am sorry for upseting you. I need to stop this self pity. I could be in her ex's shoes, a much worse senerio.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 15 (view)

do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner? Posted: 5/12/2009 5:56:54 PM
Thanks every one for the feed back. My mind thinks one thing and my heart thinks a different thing. I wont talk about my mind thoughts because they are negative. My heart thoughts say she broke thingfs off because there was too much going on in her life, working 12-15 hours a day, 7 days a week, her ex having little time to live, her son moving away, and herself being a recovering cancer victom from a year ago. Thank god it hasn't returned. So breaking our relationship was the right thing to do for my sake, seen as their was no time left for our relationship. Then of course my desperation thought of getting back together after all the crap is behind her always pop's into my head. I know, I know, that is wrong to think that but I figure the new job she has will get her out of dept in 3-4 months where normal working hours will return and her ex is not expected to live another 3 months so if nothing comes about in 6 months then I will have to realize there is no chance. Am I insane for thinking this????

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

do females that do the break up feel just as terrible as the partner? Posted: 5/10/2009 2:49:32 PM
I am just wondering, since I had my relationship ended by my partner,,(which came as a huge surprise) I have been devastated and crushed. Still am but working on it. I not once have been angry at her. She was my angel and we were crazy for each other. She helped me with lots and is a very kind giving person.I am quite confused of the how come part of it. She never did give me any real explanations except there is no time for us. I don't think she is seeing some one else or ended our relationship for someone else. She was and is quite in dept due to other circumstances and is working 7 days a week, 12-14 hours a day trying to clear the dept. A very proud woman. No time for us so I doubt there would be another. I am wondering how terrible and hurt she might be feeling over the split. Are there any ladies out there that were on that end of this kind of scenario that can comment on this???

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 4 (view)

I feel like I've lost my soul Posted: 5/10/2009 2:30:04 PM
Hello to you, I am so very sorry. I know exactly how you feel. I was with a lady for 4 years. It started off like fireworks and teenagers from high school and got better with every passing month. It was unbeleivable how we were so crazy about each other. She picked out the ring, I bought it the next week and then had 5 different special nights out to ask her to marry me were cancelled in the next 6 weeks due to her being busy and then I find out her ex is dieing and I am put on the back burner. Then kicked to the curb totally. I was and still am totally in love with this lady but she changed with the flick of a switch. I was given so many different opinions and soutions to my pain. I hadn't stoppped crying some time every day for 5 months. Until I read in this forum here that you need to love your self and be proud of yourself before the pain starts to go away. That works for me. I hated my life and didn't like my self because I blamed my self. Who else could I blame? Couldn't possibly blame the person I am so in love with. So I don't blame me or any body. I look at it as I have to learn some thing from this and that gives me hope. Stay busy and hold your head high. You are a great person. We all are.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 11 (view)

I MISS YOU Posted: 5/8/2009 7:58:23 PM
I know the feeling . I too miss my lady. They give you hundreds of reasons to miss them. I hope you expressed your appreciation for some of those little things while you were together. I know I did on occasion and it helps with the what if's but it doesn't make the pain or lack of understanding why any easier. I bet writing all that down helped you. I think I will try. I will need a lot of pages.

nature_play

Joined: 3/7/2009

Msg: 1 (view)

cant get over her, and she wants to be friends Posted: 5/2/2009 12:46:06 PM
HI, I have dated this lady for 3 years. In the begining it was like we were in high school again. 30 years ago. We would go parking, have naughty times in a crowded parking lot. Be so playfull any where, malls, restaraunts ect. We were just crazy about each other. She is so beautiful, like shania twain and she said I was like tom cruise. 6 months goes by and we are still cray in love, a year and its getting stronger,2 years and we can't believe we love each other more now then before. We wanted to sell each of our homes and buy one together so it would be ours, as apposed to moving into one or the others original home. We wanted to wait until our kids graduated which was happening as we spoke. She picked out the ring and we were in bliss. Then 2 months after that she had no time for me. Always an excuse. I find out her ex has a terminal illness and she is helping him through this. I am told that we need a time out. Three months of that and we meet. I ask if she missed me and she says every day. I ask if she loves me and she says yes. I ask if she is in love with me and she says yes. I ask if our time out is ending and she says that she cant keep me on time out for ever so we are officially split, broken up, kicked to the curb. Does any body understand this???????? Now I find she is taking a job in a different province. But still says she misses me and loves me. ??????????????????The part I cant deal with is she says it is extemely important that we stay good friends. I am still crazy in love with her. I take all the steps to get over her and including looking for friends on this site but every time I talk to her I am swept back to the pain of the break up. I have never had such true love and mutual love before in any relationship. The thouhgts of not being together is so overwhelmingly painfull. I dont understand what got between us.How can I be friends when it hurts so much.??????

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