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 Author Thread: Why do we rate photos so harshly?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 68 (view)
 
Why do we rate photos so harshly?
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:11:15 AM
Personally, I'm just honest & I give my honest reaction. Many years ago, a very good friend of mine told me, never ask a question, to which you are not prepared to receive an honest reply.

Yes, some people are simply mean spirited and many seem to be much more critical of people of our own sex, than they are of the opposite sex. Still, if it bothers you, my suggestion is that you remove the "Rate Photo" option from your profile.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 47 (view)
 
Wishing to Reconnect with Lovers from our Youth
Posted: 4/8/2009 1:01:24 AM
About six years ago, my uncle ran into the mother of a woman that he had dated, when he was in high school. In talking to her, he found out that his high school sweetheart had never married; well, that is until about five years ago, when the two of them got married. They had just turned 70. They were apart for more than 50 years, but the last five have been very good for both of them.

It has worked very well for them. I only wish that they could have found one another much sooner. Who knows, it might work for you too.

Now, I wonder what ever happened to Melissa?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 4 (view)
 
How do guys see forwardness?
Posted: 4/8/2009 12:38:05 AM
I think it changes some what, as we age. Guys your age are likely to either be uncomfortable being approached by you, or they will think it just for sex. As we age, men tend to figure things out a bit and we become more comfortable,with the woman doing the approaching.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 17 (view)
 
just curious
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:49:19 PM
Yes, I do. When you spend significant time, getting to know someone, through the exchange of email & phone calls, you can build in some expectations & that puts more pressure on things from the outset. That pressure, can make for an awkward & uncomfortable meeting, especially, if there is a lack of physical attraction, from one party or both.

So yes, it happens. I don't really see any way around it, other than to try to meet them before the expectations become higher than they should be.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 234 (view)
 
You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 11/5/2008 9:25:39 PM

I don't think sex is any more a "need" for most men.. then it is for most women. Same with affection being what most men "need" as well as most women.

It's a matter of having the ability to control those sexual urges.. those hormones.

Showing affection is the beginning of a relationship.. and it continues throughout. Without affection.. you'd just be having sex. Affection "with" sex.. is having a well rounded relationship.. with lasting power. Now.. that is a bonus! JMO


My point exactly. As a woman, you don't need sex, so you think that men don't need it either. You think that men lack control on their sexual urges and hormones. I know that you won't believe me, but the truth is men need sex. There are many psychological studies that support this. The thing is that you don't have the same need, you can't see why a man does. Thus the problem arises.

A man needs sex, but his partner is not meeting his need. Now, he can either
1. confront her, over his lack of fulfillment in hopes that she will change,
2. break up with her & look for another partner who will meet his needs
3. Stay with her, but have an affair with someone, who is willing to meet that need.

At the same time, you do need affection, which is something that men really don't need nearly so much. You end up, with exactly the same options that a man has,

1. confront him & tell him that your needs are not being met
2. Dump him & look for a guy who will meet those needs
3. Have an affair, with someone who meets your needs.

From your perspective, "without affection, you'd just be having sex" is just fine with most men. For us, just having sex is good thing. We don't have to have affection, to enjoy sex. While for you "affection with sex is having a well rounded relationship" that is not necessary for a guy. We can be quite happy with someone, who just wants to "sports fv@k". No, not every guy, but for most of us, we are willing to trade affection, in exchange for sex. For a guy, sex is the need, while for women, it is affection that is needed.

Now while some women seem to feel that makes then superior in some way, it doesn't. It simply is a sign of how we are different. If you don't believe me, look at the difference in gay men & lesbian women. Most of the lesbians that I know, crave a monogamous relationship, with one woman. Conversely, gay men are very promiscuous, with few long term relationships. Why? Because for men it is about the sex, while for women, it is about the affection. We are simply different.

If you want to have a successful relationship with a guy, you might want to try meeting his sexual needs on a regular basis. If you do, you will find that he is a much better partner. If you don't, be prepared for the relationship to end.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 15 (view)
 
Into me or leading me on??
Posted: 11/5/2008 2:30:05 PM
Okay, take a deep breath and relax.

When he was deployed, he probably tried to have some degree of normalcy in his life, by talking with people, who were not having to deal with the things that he was being exposed to. It was an escape from the horror that can be an every day thing, in a war zone, like Iraq. So, every day, he set aside time to talk with someone via the computer, who was not talking about death, destruction & mutilation. Instead, he got to hear from home, where life is normal. It gave him hope that one day, he too would be out of the hell hole and back stateside. You can't imagine how important that can be to our troops.

Now, he is home. I have several friends that are, who have been in the special forces. In every case, every time they were deployed in a war zone, they retreated from society, when they got back stateside, to give themselves time to adjust. The guy has been deployed in a war zone. He probably needs to destress and flip the switch from kill or be killed, to hey, its nice, safe & quiet here. I don't have to worry about somebody blowing me up this afternoon and I can't kill someone, because I think that they are about to kill me or a friend of mine. Very often they do that with buddies, who have been there, or with whom they have a great deal of trust.

Most likely, it isn't you & it really isn't him either. It is a coping mechanism that he is using to adjust to the differences in life between here and there. Give him time & space. My guess is that in a few days, he will once again be the guy that you met, before he left and you will be able to move forward. Good luck to you.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 224 (view)
 
You've been THIS long without sex, why is it still a solid requirement?
Posted: 11/5/2008 2:08:34 PM
For some reason, some women don't seem to understand that for men, sex is not a want, but a need. Just as a woman needs affection, a man needs sex. Asking a man to forgo sex, is like asking a woman to do without affection.

Yes, you can survive & live a happy life without either, but would any woman want to be married to a man that wanted sex, but rarely showed them affection? I doubt it. So, when a man is looking for a long term relationship, he want sex to be a part of that relationship. If he can't have it, then he will keep looking, until he finds it.

Of course, he may settle in the short term and do without sex. Of cours, if he does, be prepared, because either he is going to end the relationship or he is going to have an affair, if the opportunity arises. After all, if a need is not being met by his partner, then it is going to be met by someone else.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Job loss and dating
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:34:41 PM
Okay, I'm old school. I was raised in a certain way and one of the things that I was taught is that a man does not depend on a woman to support him. For guys of my generation at least, it is very difficult to adjust to being in a relationship with someone and not be able to pay the expense of dating.

A relationship, is a partnership and both people have to contribute to that relationship relatively equally for it to work. Traditionally, one of the ways that a man contributes to a relationship, is through financial means. When he loses his ability to contribute, he begins to feel like he is taking advantage of his partner and for some of us, that is a very difficult situation to handle.

A few years ago, I dated a wonderful woman, who lives just a few miles away. She was beautiful, intelligent and caring. She was also fairly wealthy (well at least compared to me she was) and the lifestyle that she lived, I could not afford. For example, she wanted to me to go with her on a two week cruise in the South Pacific. It was the sort of get away that she did, without having to think about the time away or expense. I can't do that. In the end, I could not deal with it and had to end the relationship. (Yes, my friends still think that I am an idiot.) I just could not live off of the money that someone else made. Being a "kept man", is not in me. It sounds like he can't handle that either.

My advice, is to give him time. Don't press the issue. The economy will recover and he will find another job. When he does, he probably start looking for someone with whom he may build a social life. Till then, just be patient.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Women who love porn
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:10:31 PM
Okay, I'm old and old school. Personally, I don't watch porn. Participate, sure, but watch someone else, just not my thing. So, for me at least, she has definitely lost that girl next door vibe.

No, I'm not going to view her as a one night stand (I never understood why anyone would want to have someone for just one night), but I am probably going to think of her as a fvk buddy & thats about it. Oh, I'll enjoy spending time with her, but I would be very surprised if I would consider anything long term.

Then again, like I said, I'm an old fart. Younger guys probably won't care nearly so much.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 15 (view)
 
would you date a woman with a serious illness
Posted: 11/1/2008 8:58:45 PM
I might and I might not. It would depend on the woman and the illness.

As for when she should tell him, again it depends on the illness. If it is contagious and he would be at risk, then he should know at the outset. If it is sexually transmitted, then he should know BEFORE any sexual activity takes place. If it could affect his lifestyle, then again he needs to know, before it becomes an issue in the relationship.

Also, keep in mind if he discovers your illness on his own, prior to your telling him, how is he likely to react? If it is going to be a negative reaction, then my inclination is that you should tell him VERY early. A lie that is told by omission can be just as damaging to a relationship, as one that is told outright.

I guess what I am trying to say is, imagine that you don't have this disease and some guy that you are dating does. When would you want to know?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
why does men want working women
Posted: 11/1/2008 8:46:18 PM
Any woman can get a man. The hard part is finding someone, who is a good match for you. Obviously, this guy wasn't. So, move on and keep fishing.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 146 (view)
 
Do women over 45 feel nervous about the first sexual encounter?
Posted: 11/1/2008 8:28:46 PM
If you are with the right person, then he will make you feel as if you are as beautiful now, as you were 20 years ago. If he doesn't, then odds are you are with the wrong man.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 16 (view)
 
SAND DUNES!
Posted: 10/23/2008 11:59:16 PM
I'm orignally from eastern NC & every summer we use to go to the Outer Banks. One of the attractions there, was Jockey's Ridge. It is the tallest natural sand dune on the East Coast. It is even visible from space. Years ago, pirates use to walk the top of the dunes, late at night, carrying lanterns, to lure ships to the treacherous shoal waters that lay of the coast.

For more info on Jockey's Ridge, see

http://www.jockeysridgestatepark.com/
&
http://www.outerbanksguidebook.com/jridge.htm
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Opinions on Photos? Girls tougher judges?
Posted: 10/23/2008 11:12:50 PM
For some reason, guys do the same thing. I'm average looking (at best) and women on this site have my photo rated at around 5.43, while the guys have me at 3.43. In my age bracket, the men rate me as a 2, while the women have me rated as a 6.09.

Personally, I wouldn't pay any attention to it. There are & always will be haters in life and no matter how beautiful someone's photo may be, there will always be some who will give it a low score.

By the way, I just looked at the ratings area & clicked on the image that is rated #1, as being the most attractive photo on the site, with an average rating of 9.2. She is 27 & the women on this site, age 26-32 gave her a 1. The women 33-40, gave her a 2.

http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=9789711

The guy with the highest rating (a 9.07), is 33. Men between the age of 33-40, gave him a 2.35 & men overall rated him at 2.81. By contrast, women 33-40 rated him at 9.37 & women overall rated him at 9.08.

http://www.plentyoffish.com/member8714015.htm
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Singing on a date
Posted: 10/23/2008 10:55:38 PM

Now I ask you men, would you ever,or have you ever serenaded someone on a first date? If so, why?


Yes, I have sung to a woman on a first date. Then again, it has been a long time since I have done that & I was a voice major in college, so singing is one of the things that I do well. Even so, I would not have sung to you (or anyone else) in some Italian restaurant. That was more than a little cheesy. These days, about the only way that I would sing to anyone on a first date, would be if we ended up at a Karoke bar.

It seems to me that the guy was more than a little full of himself. Singing in the restaurant, correcting your pronunciation of Italian words and his dominating of the conversation, just screams, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi!

Hey, look on the bright side. You at least have something to laugh about now. Bad first dates often become more amusing, as the years pass.

For example, there was gal...
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 395 (view)
 
WHY ARE WOMEN OVER 30 A FAILURE WHEN THEY ARE SINGLE AND CHILDLESS?
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:20:00 AM
A lot of men are going to prefer you, if you are over 30 & don't have children. There are fewer complications, no baby sitters to arrange, no problems with getting away for weekends, no cancelled dates, because your child has the flu....

Will some people see you that way? Well of course they will. Some people will see failure in everyone, no matter who you are, or where you are in life.

From my perspective, your reproductive status, in and of itself, has no effect on my perception of your success in life. I have dated women over 30 (well over 30 for that matter) who have never had a child and I have never thought any of them a failure, simply because they had no children.

Besides, any idiot can get pregnant and have a child. Lets face it, it is rare that a woman leaves a bar alone at the end of the evening, unless she wants to. If all it takes to be a success, is getting knocked up, then that is about the easiest thing to accomplish in life that I can imagine. All you have to do, is walk into a bar & say, who wants to get laid? Do that a few times, & in about 9 months, you too could be a success. (Please note tongue firmly in cheek.)
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
i seem to get ignored when i IM
Posted: 10/21/2008 12:08:46 AM
Add me to the list of those that HATE the IM on this board. It is clunky & just never seems to work right. Sometimes, I will answer an IM, but I never send one.

That being said, there are a lot of reasons why you don't get a reply. Perhaps they are busy & just don't have the time for idle chat. For that matter, they could be IMing with one or more people already. If I am reading mail, sending a reply, or posting on a forum, then I typically ignore IM's, unless they are from someone that I either know well, or that I would really like to know well.

Also, a lot of people don't answer IM's from people that they do not know. If you have not exchanged a couple of notes already, be prepared to be ignored. If they don't know you, odds are, they are going to ignore you.

Finally, keep in mind that some of really attractive women on this site are just swamped with mail, notes & IM's. The odds of getting through the noise and getting them to chat with you, just because you sent them a lame, Hey baby, wanna chat, really isn't going to get it done. At least it isn't unless they have a web cam & they want you to pay to join their site. Then, they are all yours. Well, at least until the credit card clears.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 2 (view)
 
Restaurants and such
Posted: 10/20/2008 1:42:23 PM
In the Charlotte area, one of my favorites, is a little hole in the wall in downtown Matthews, called Sante. There is never a wait, the food is incredible and the service first rate. If you go, try the Salmon. It is the best I have ever had. While Sante isn't cheap, it really is good.

Again in the Charlotte area and if you like Italian, I would suggest giving Frankies on West Morehead a visit. You will want to make a reservation there on a Friday or Saturday evening, but otherwise, you can just walk right in. Try the Lasagne. It is first rate.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 13 (view)
 
Do you think a woman who wants to be a stay at home wife is a gold digger?
Posted: 10/19/2008 3:05:57 PM
No, I would not call you a gold digger, for wanting to be a stay at home, wife, but as the poster above me stated, it could be a financial burden, if the guy does not make enough money on his own, to support a family. So, if being a stay at home wife/mom is what you really want out of life, you are likely going to have to limit your potential partners to men who can afford for that to happen & who are willing to be the sole provider for their family. These days, that pool of men is much smaller than it was in the past & given changes in our society, it is likely to be even smaller in the future.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 7 (view)
 
buying your way out of trouble
Posted: 10/19/2008 12:17:29 AM
Different people, express love in different ways. In fact, most of us tend to express love, either in the way that we wish others to express their love to us, or in the way that we have seen love most commonly expressed by a parent. There is a very good book on this, called The Five Love Languages. In the book the author identifies the five most common way that people express love.

Words of Affirmation
This is when you say how nice your spouse looks, or how great the dinner tasted. These words will also build your mate's self image and confidence.

Quality Time
Some spouses believe that being together, doing things together and focusing in on one another is the best way to show love. If this is your partner's love language, turn off the TV now and then and give one another some undivided attention.

Gifts
It is universal in human cultures to give gifts. They don't have to be expensive to send a powerful message of love. Spouses who forget a birthday or anniversary or who never give gifts to someone who truly enjoys gift giving will find themselves with a spouse who feels neglected and unloved.

Acts of Service
Discovering how you can best do something for your spouse will require time and creativity. These acts of service like vacuuming, hanging a bird feeder, planting a garden, etc., need to be done with joy in order to be perceived as a gift of love.

Physical Touch
Sometimes just stroking your spouse's back, holding hands, or a peck on the cheek will fulfill this need

From what you have written, it seems that you and your partners are not communicating on how you need to be shown that you are loved. It seems that they have been showing their love for you, through the giving of gifts, quality time or through acts of service, while what you wanted/needed was words of affirmation. Your partners are not trying to buy you off, they are showing contrition, through an act (like buying you a nice necklace or taking you out to dinner), rather than by saying, "I'm sorry, I was wrong."

A lot of men are not good at talking about their feelings & as a result, we often choose to show how we feel, rather than say it. Also, for a lot of us, the axiom of "talk is cheap" is so ingrained that we don't even think about simply saying, I'm sorry. We feel the need to do something, to show that we are. We are not trying to buy you off, but rather, we are trying to express our love to you.

Think about it. When a man asks you to be his wife, what does he do? He buys you a very expensive ring, as an outward sign of his love for you. Just is that ring is not meant to buy your affection, neither is a gift of a necklace an attempt to buy your forgiveness. It is simpy a way of saying, I am sorry & I love you.

For what it is worth, I really would suggest that you try reading the book, to see if it provides some insight to you on what is happening. You may need to let your partner know that for you, words of affirmation have great meaning and that while gifts are nice, what you really need is to hear the words that let you know how he feels.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 9 (view)
 
Is the fantasy better than reality?
Posted: 10/18/2008 11:49:46 PM
Would some guys prefer the fantasy of sex with a hot young woman, than have sex with a woman who is in his own age range. Well of course, some guys would. For that matter, some guys, would prefer to have sex with other guys, while others would prefer to have sex with an older woman. Different strokes, for different folks.

Now, if you are asking what most men really want in a sexual partner, we want someone that we find to be physically desirable. Now keep in mind that being 20 to 30 years younger than we are does not automatically make a woman more physically attractive to us. There are hundreds, if not thousands of incredibly beautiful women on this site, who are over the age of 45 that are very attractive and that many of us, would be very interested in getting to know. By the same token, there are many more, who do not care to bother to make the effort to try to be attractive, but rather would complain & throw a pity party that men are so shallow & how dare they not love them, just because of the way they look.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, but physical attraction is VERY important to most men. You can accept that & work to make yourself physically attractive to us, or you can choose not to make the effort & continue to deal with rejection.

Also, please note that I said attractive, not "dream sex bunny", but attractive. Most of us are not looking for a centerfold girl, but neither are we looking to "get laid", by anyone, who is willing to have sex with us. In fact, most of us happen to have standards. So, if you are asking would I rather be at home, typing on my computer, or have sex with a woman that I am not attracted to, the answer is, I'll type away. In fact, I may even fantasize later, about meeting an incredible, vibrant attractive woman, like say


http://www.plentyoffish.com/member4969135.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/viewprofile.aspx?profile_id=8123825
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member4467112.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member3078692.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member3036171.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member9000958.htm
http://www.plentyoffish.com/member8543612.htm

Or are all of those lovely ladies, just sex bunny, centerfolds & not the real thing?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
worse now or more honest?
Posted: 10/18/2008 11:05:32 PM
You are kidding aren't you? I mean, do you really wonder if people are happier being single, than they were, when they were in a bad marriage?Of course they are. Duh! Marriage need not be terminal. It can be cured by a good attorney, at times, without great expense.

Unlike some people, I am perfectly willing to admit, when I have made a mistake, which is what my marriage was. We were never a good match & we never should have wed. We tried to make it work for six years, before I move out; which by the way, my ex thanked me for doing, as it saved her the effort. By getting a divorce, not only do I now have the opportunity to look for someone, who will be a good match for me, so too does my ex.

So, it is not that I am content to be single, but I am content to have the opportunity to look for a good partner. Hopefully the next time (if there is a next time), I will make a better choice.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Should you go to her house on the first date?
Posted: 10/18/2008 2:02:41 PM
Traditionally, you know the guy, before you go out with him, so if he comes by to pick you up on the first date, it is not such a big deal. After all, he probably already knew where you lived, before you agreed to the date. First dates, with someone that you meet online are completely different. You know little to nothing about them and giving out that sort of information to a stranger, is foolhardy at best. You may think that you know someone, from what they write, or perhaps what they said on the phone, but those who prey on others are often very skilled at that sort of deceit. Never put yourself into that situation.

My father use to say, you have to trust people, but you also need to cut the cards. What he meant was that you had to use ordinary precautions to protect yourself. (Another of his truisms was locks are made for honest people. Crooks will just break in, if they really want to, regardless of whether something is locked or not.) Meeting someone for the first time, in a public space, with lots of people around, is the smart thing to do, for both of you. If the guy does not understand this, then you are better off, not wasting your time with him. Move on & look for a guy who has some respect for you and your safety.

For me, I never suggest to any woman, that I pick her up at her house, for a first date. In fact, I normally don't make that offer for several dates. I want us both to be comfortable enough with the situation, that we know there is nothing to worry about, from the two of us being alone together, in her house.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 47 (view)
 
This may be venting but....
Posted: 10/18/2008 11:22:57 AM

I have been doing this for a long time oh about 8 years now. Off/on. It becomes too exhausting. All the date interviews. The questions about your size and your boobs! Then the questions about sex. GUYS WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND UNLESS THEY WERE A WOMAN. It is all about what you look like. I have met way too many men even after the emails and phone calls and all the time wasted for what? To meet them and be totally disappointed! I was just recently told I needed to read the most recent book by Depak Chopra. His belief I am told by a dear friend of mine who is a Dr., is that you get back what you put out into the universe. So since I have been thinking about what I don't want all the time, that is exactly what I keep attracting. Men who are totally narcissistic!


In part, I agree with the above rant. Men do care a great deal about sex. It is part of the basic male psyche. Of course, YOU WOULD NOT UNDERSTAND THIS, UNLESS YOU ARE A MAN! Blaming a man for liking sex, is like blaming a cat for liking tuna. Rather than blame us, you might want to think about how to please us. If you want to have a man in your life, then you are going to have to meet his needs and I can assure you that for vast majority of men, sex is not a want, it is a need.

There have been many psychological studies on this & I will even recommend an excellent book to you His Needs - Her Needs, which explains a great deal about the different needs that men & women have, and how relationships fail, when those needs are not met.


Dr. Willard Harley is a clinical psychologist and marriage and family therapist who has 25 years experience in marriage counseling. He identifies the ten most important marital needs of husbands and wives. He states that a man's basic needs are:

Sexual fulfillment
Recreational companionship
An attractive spouse
Domestic support
Admiration

A woman's needs:

Affection
Conversation
Honesty and openness
Financial support
Family commitment

The Irresistible Woman. A wife makes herself irresistible to her husband by learning to meet his five most important emotional needs.

l. Sexual fulfillment. His wife meets this need by becoming a terrific sexual partner. She studies her own sexual response to recognize and understand which brings out the best in her; then she shares this information with him, and together they learn to have a sexual relationship that both find repeatedly satisfying and enjoyable.

3. Physical attractiveness. She keeps herself physically fit with diet and exercise, and she wears her hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He is attracted to her in private and proud of her in public.


http://www.bettermarriageskc.org/needs.htm

Call us shallow, if you like, but two of the five basic needs that a man has in a relationship are sexually related. If you want to attract & keep the attention of the man, doing these two things will go a long way to accomplishing that goal. If you don't do them, then the chances of a happy, long term relationship are greatly reduced.

From reading your post, it seems that you want to find a man who will meet your needs, but you are unwilling to do what is needed to meet his needs. If you put out into the universe the attitude that pleasing your partner & meeting his needs are important to you, then you may reap the rewards of that attitude. Conversely, you can exude the attitude that it is all about you, what you want & what you are looking for in a man. How is that working for you so far?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 73 (view)
 
HOW to travel alone
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:31:31 PM
Okay, first of all, you need to go some place that is set up, with singles in mind. That being said, there are a lot of singles cruises, which can offer a fun time for the single traveler. You can pay more & get a cabin to yourself, but all of the cruise lines that do singles cruises, offer a matching service, to find you someone to share a cabin with. Of course, you could always invite another single friend along, to share your cabin. It should not be that difficult to find a friend who would enjoy such a cruise.

Another option (as this is a dating site after all), is to pick a potential destination & to start writing people who live there. If you find one, two or seventeen people in that area that you might like to meet, it can be a lot of fun.

I travel a good bit in my work & I have met several women over the years, by doing this. I'm always honest about the fact that I am just in town on business & that I would much prefer to spend an evening in the company of interesting woman, than I would staring at a TV. We both know that it is for dinner & conversation, with nothing else expected . I have truly enjoyed everyone of those meetings. I hope that they did as well. Now, I would not suggest that you travel half way across the county, just to meet some strange guy, but if there is some place that you have long wanted to visit (whether it is 20 or 2,000 miles away), then look online & see what fish there are in that sea. You might find someone there that makes the trip both fun & interesting.

No, you are not likely to find a life partner by doing this, but you might have some fun, meet an interesting person or two and along the way, you may even learn a few things, perhaps even about yourself. Give it a try. You might even find that you like it.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Winter travel destination
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:11:42 PM
Vegas. No town is more singles friendly than Vegas. Of course, you do need a suitcase full of money to truly enjoy the city, but if you do a little planning, there is a lot to do & see at little to no cost.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Looking for someplace warm and relaxing in south USA for December vacation.
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:08:23 PM
I hate to tell you, but there is no place in that you can drive to from south central PA in 10 - 12 hours that is going to be truly warm in December. About as close as you are going get for that is north Florida. I spent Thanksgiving in St. Augustine a couple of years ago & may go back again this year. It is great town, lots to see and that time of year, it is a great place to be.

Now, if you want some place that is closer and warmer than where you are, then you might want to check out Charleston, SC or Savannah, GA. Both are nice towns, with great restaurants & beaches that are just a few miles away. Okay, the water is going to be too cold that time of year, but otherwise, there is much to recommend about both.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 58 (view)
 
Gambling, in any shape or form
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:48:04 PM
I like to play poker & do so on a regular basis. I never gamble, with more than I can afford to lose, nor do I play for stakes that would cause a hardship to anyone else who loses. For me, it is an interesting challenge, and I enjoy the competition. If, at the end of the night, I am up or down $100, it really does not matter. Dinner for two at a nice restaurant costs as much, so for me, it is a form of entertainment.

For that matter, I also like to invest in the stock market. If you don't think that is a form of gambling, then take a look at what has happened to stock values over the last few months. In the market, an informed investor, weighs the risks, makes a read on the market & decides where he wants to put his money. In poker, an informed gambler, weighs the odds, makes a read on his opponent and decides if he wants to place a bet. Just like poker, in almost every trade, there is a winner & a loser, though it is often difficult to discern which is which, in the short term.

Are there those, who have a problem with gambling? Of course there are. Then again, if we outlaw everything that causes some people to have problems in their lives, then we will have to outlaw alcohol, chocolate, fried foods & sex, to name just a few things. We tried prohibition in the states, for about 20 years & it was an abysmal failure. Imposing restrictions on the masses, because there are a few, who can not handle the freedom of choice, is a bad idea.

Then again, I am a libertarian & I believe strongly in personal freedom. Of course, with that freedom, comes responsibility for the choices that we make. When I choose to gamble, it is a choice that I make & I am the one, who has to live with the repurcussions of those choices. I much prefer that, to having someone else choose for me.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 5 (view)
 
Over 45 and happy to stay single for the rest of your life?
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:22:21 PM
From my perspective, it is not that it is more difficult to find "the one" at our age, but rather that as we mature, we learn more about who we are & what we want in a life partner. Most of us have been through several failed relationships, by this point in our lives & we have learned from those relationships.

If my choice is to be single and looking, or married & miserable, then I will remain single. I tried the married & miserable once before & I have no intention of repeating that mistake. At the same time, there is nothing that I would like more, than to find a wonderful life partner, & to spend the rest of my life with her.

So, for now, I seek in hopes that I shall find. While my search, may not result in success, I now know much more about who I am & what qualities I need in a partner, than I did when I was much younger. If that means that I will not remarry & that my life, will not include a partner, then I would prefer that to settling for someone, who is not a good match. Been there, done that & I have paid the atty's. fees to prove it.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 18 (view)
 
Suggestions for a great Saturday night date?
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:09:17 PM
Good dates come from both parties enjoying the time together. So, think back from the conversations that you have had with him, & identify something that you both enjoy. It should also be an activity, where there is an opportunity for conversation. On a second date, you are very early in the getting to know one another stage, so be certain that there is an opportunity to continue to do that.

Personally, I like things that are light and that are likely to make us laugh. I would avoid a movie (it's trite & you can't talk), but a comedy club often seems to be a good choice. Live theatre, especially an improv, also can make for a fun date. If you both enjoy sports, then that too is a good choice, but only if it is something that you both enjoy.

BTW, I would avoid things that take place in either his or your place of residence. While you may say, let's cook dinner together, what he may hear is "let's get naked". You don't want to put yourself in that situation, unless that is your intention. Many guys equate your place or my place, with sex. Not all of us and not every time, but for a second date, I would seek to avoid confusion.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 15 (view)
 
What to eat......
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:52:03 PM
I'd suggest a couple of lobster tails, a little drawn butter & champagne. I don't know if it would work for him, but it certainly does for me.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 20 (view)
 
Biggest first date turn offs
Posted: 10/17/2008 9:44:23 PM
My worst first date? It is hard to say, as there are several that come to mind, but this one was probably the most memorable.

I was meeting someone for dinner at PF Changs. To start things off on the wrong foot, she was about 30 minutes late. To pass the time, while I waited for her, I was talking to an attractive woman, who was also there waiting for someone for a first date, & like me, her date was running late. So, when my date finally shows up, she is pissed, because I am talking to another woman. She looks at the other woman & tells her "Go find your own man, ****. This one is taken."

Now, fortunately, our table is ready & I am able to get her away from the other woman, without making too much of a scene. (I really wish that I had gotten the first gal's number!) Now, I did not mentioned how my date was dressed. She had on a very short black dress, that was about 2 sizes too small for her. She was in danger of popping out of her top and it was very obvious, that she was not wearing any panties, as she gave several people a view, during the evening. We had a drink, and ordered some wine, with our meal. Before long, I realized that she was incredibly drunk, & likely was drunk, when she walked in the door. After dinner, I offered to call her a cab, (since she really had no business driving), but she asked (almost begged) me to drive her home. Since it was only a few blocks to her house , I agreed to do so. On the way there, she reaches over, grabs my crotch and says, "I want to have your babies" and starts to unzip my pants.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but there are few methods of birth control that are more effective, than having some woman who you just met, tell you that she wants to have your babies. So, when we get to her place, I half carried her to her door and got her inside. I then tell her that I have to get something out of my car, namely, I needed to get it out of her driveway and I left psycho woman.

I never saw her again, but I will never forget her. So, while being rude, getting incredibly drunk & being 30 minutes late is bad, the biggest turn off on a first date is having someone tell me, that she wants to have my babies. At least I hope that this will always be my worst first date.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 10 (view)
 
Motives
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:42:56 AM
I don't think that his talk of being guarded about getting serious, with someone had anything to do with his or anyone else being satisfied about being on their own. I do think it is about money, or at least financial security. As we age, we begin to think more seriously about our future and the lifestyle that we are going to live, as we age. Men & women who have plannned for their futures and who have attained a certain level of financial security are going to consider the finances of their potential potential partner, before they get serious with them. As he said, women (and men) who need security (they have not obtained it on their own), are often more interested in escalating things (with men or women who are financially secure), because they need someone to provide for their own financial future.

Conversely, people who are financially secure, are more guarded about their future, as they do not want to lose that security. The more tenuous that security is, the more guarded they need to be. People don't want to sacrifice the lifestyle that they can have, because of the poor choices that someone else made. I'm not saying that money is the ONLY consideration, but it is A consideration. Just as women don't want to be used for sex, people don't want to be used as a revenue source either, especially when becoming that revenue source means that he/she will no longer be financially secure.

As for your second point, I don't think that it is so much that we are satisfied to be on our own as we age, but rather that we have been through failed relationships & that we don't want to repeat the mistakes from our past. I know more about who I am, what is important to me & what the deal breakers in a relationship are. As a result, I am somewhat more guarded. I tend to take things more slowly and truly get to know someone before I make a commitment, rather than rush into something and then find out later that I have made another mistake. After all, I would much rather be single and looking for the right partner, than be married & miserable with the wrong one.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 25 (view)
 
Am I so new that my expectations are too high?
Posted: 10/14/2008 10:13:39 AM
For what it is worth, I don't think that your expectations are too high at all. In fact, I firmly believe that the problem with most relationships, is that all too often, we were not picky enough.

Each of us has things are important to us and if we are form good relationships, then we need to find a partner who has those traits. If personal hygiene is important to you, then when a guy shows up, who is unkept, with bad breath & a scruffy beard, then you know he is not the guy for you. Congratulations! At that point, you know not to waste time on that dead end relationship, so you can move on & continue to seek the right one.

Now, while some might suggest that you point out the importance of hygiene in your profile, I would suggest the exact opposite. Anyone can clean up for a date. What you want is someone who will always keep himself clean & neat, because that is who he is, not just to impress you at the outset of the relationship. I mean, would you really prefer to date some guy, get seriously involved with him and then find out that he is a slob anytime that he is not with you? Let me assure you that once the newness in the relationship is gone, he is going to become the slob with you too.

So, from my perspective, keep the glasses in place and continue to be picky. Seek what you desire & don't settle for less. If you identify those traits that are truly important to you and if you concentrate your social life around people who have those traits, then your chance to find someone who is the right match for you, will be greatly enhanced. Of course, you can always settle for less, but then, why would you want to do that?
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 4 (view)
 
Weird neerg
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:41:03 PM
She probably does that to almost everyone that she sends a no to. You would be surprised at the number of people who send hate mail, every time someone says no. I'm nothing special & I have gotten some really nasty notes myself. Don't worry about it and move on. It really is one of those, it's not you issues.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 55 (view)
 
Charlotte POF Mingle at Whiskey River Friday November 7th 6-9
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:31:10 PM
Using the light rail is a VERY good idea. Parking uptown can be hard to find & could well cost you more than the $3 for the light rail. So far, 150 are registered, with several saying that they are bringing others along. Sounds like we are going to fill the place up, with just POF people. I'm certainly looking forward to the chance to do a meet & greet locally. Hopefully, we can make this a regular thing.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 23 (view)
 
What do we really want?Givers or Takers?Why are they so attracted to the takers? Gimme some input.
Posted: 10/9/2008 9:19:54 PM

In reference to the last response before mine......So if a person is (hot) the person they are with will tolerate their selfish behavior just to have them in their life? That is why so many out there wind up lonely and desperate,,,yet it goes both ways from what I hear; You have the people with loving, caring, devoted spouses that are (average) and thier spouses or partners will take the chance of losing that for some time spent with someone (hot) that maybe a selfish creature.Then you have the ones that find themselves in a relationship or marriage with someone (hot) yet after time, they describe themselves as very lonely and craving more of an emotional,compatible, caring and understanding person that they want to spend time with.


You either missed or ignored the qualifier in my statement. What I said (and I thought that I said it quite clearly, but perhaps I am mistaken), is that SOME men, will put up with a lot of crap (FOR A WHILE AT LEAST) if the woman is hot enough. After a while, THEY TIRE OF THE BS and they MOVE ON. In other words, being sexy can get a guy's attention, but it won't keep it long term. A guy may put up with more from someone that is strongly attracted to on a physical level for longer than he would for someone that he finds to be less physically attractive, but not for long. In the end, high maintenance = short term.

A lot of men think with the wrong head and for the short term, SOME of us will put up with a lot of crap in exchange for good sex. SOME women do the same thing, though more often for women it is for money, than it is because of physical appearance of the guy. In the long term, men don't want to be with someone who is selfish and who care only about themselves any more than women do.

The quality of a relationship is not based on the physical beauty of the woman in it, it is based on the quality, love and devotion of the man and woman, who are in it. Physical beauty does not cause someone to be a jerk or self centered, nor does it prevent a woman from being wonderful life partner. I know some incredibly beautiful women, who are kind, decent, generous & loving. I have found that beautiful women are just as likely to be kind, decent, caring people, as are women that are of average or below average appearance. I would assume that the same holds true for men.

Finally, I would like to point out something that I read some time ago in a very good book (His Needs - Her Needs) on marriages and why they fail. Relationships don't fail, because of infidelity, Infidelity results, from a failed relationship. If a man or woman strays to find someone else, it is not because of the way that the other person looks, it is because his or her needs are no longer being met in their current relationship.

So, does being beautiful improve your chances to attract a man. You bet your sweet a$$ it does. By the same token, being rich tends to work pretty well, when it comes to attracting women. While wealth and beauty certainly bring about more opportunities, it is what you do with the opportunities that you have that matters.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 27 (view)
 
Questions for the men here in GA.....
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:21:47 PM
I'm not in GA, but

1. An older woman or a younger woman?
I'll generally take younger, but not always. Definitely depends on the woman & how much older or younger.

2. An intelligent woman or a less intelligent woman?
Intelligent. I will take intelligent every time.

3. A voluptuous woman or a skinny woman?
Can I have the voluptuous skinny woman?

4. A strong, successful woman or a more dependant type?
Strong & successful for me please. The last thing I need is someone who needs me to make decisions for them. I have a hard enough time making good decisions for myself.

5. A spiritual woman or an all goes type of girl?
Depends on the level of spirituality. If god tells her what to do, I'll take the all goes type.

6.An aggressive woman or one that lets you make all the moves?
Makes no difference. A little of each is nice.

7. A woman wearing spiked red shoes or a woman who is less flashy?
There is a time & place for both, but generally, I'll take the red spikes thank you.

8. A woman with long hair or short hair or does not matter?
Again, it depends on the degree. If it is so long that it gets in the way all the time, then I don't care for it. If she has a butch buzz cut, then I don't care for that either.

9. A woman who plays and enjoys watching football with you or does it matter?
If she enjoyed watching the game, that is great. If not, that is fine too, so long as she does not nag me over watching it.

10.A woman who fixes her own car or asks for your help in accomplishing the task?
A woman who knows how to call a mechanic. I'm not one.

11.A woman who calls you and tells you she wants you or one that makes you guess?
A woman who is at least open enough, to tell me the truth. I'm not a mind reader and I really get tired of some of the games that some people seem to insist on playing.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 11 (view)
 
SPEED DATING? or not to speed dating...that is the question
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:09:01 PM
I have been to a couple of speed dating events. In some ways, it is the bar scene, without the smoke, noise & crowds. Speed dating is all about first impressions. If you are attractive, or wealthy, then you will find that a lot of people there will have interest in you.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 11 (view)
 
How far is too far?
Posted: 10/9/2008 3:00:08 PM
It all depends. Over the years, I have dated several women that did not live in close proximity to me. Several lived at least two hours away. I have dated a couple of women who live in Florida and one, who lived in Texas. Two of those ended up being very positive experiences. No, I did not marry either, but I am still friends with both of them.

My most recent long distance relationship, was with a a gal in DC which lasted for several months. I traveled up to see her at least twice a month, which is about a six hour drive each way (I live near Charlotte). While that relationship did not work out, I would definitely do it again, for the right woman.

Then again, I have also dated a couple of women, who currently live less than a mile from me. In both cases, that was too far to travel to be with them.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 44 (view)
 
Womens Pictures
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:45:34 PM
I understand why a lot of people choose not to post a photo and there is nothing wrong with that. Of course having a photo or photos, gives an idea of not just what she looks like, but also it often tells me a great deal about who she is. Personality, lifestyle and appearance are often closely tied. The old saying, a picture paints a thousand words, is more true, than some might think.

That being said, if a photo is posted, then either it should be current or it should be labeled to show that it is not current. By current, I don't mean that you should replace them every week, but if you no longer look like the person that is shown in the photo, then it is too old. The same with posting "Glamour Shots". There is nothing wrong with them, but if you never look, dress or present yourself in that way, outside of that photo shoot, then it is not an honest photo of who you are.

I have met several women over the years that had either posted photos that were 10 years & 50 pounds ago. Some were of someone else entirely. Of course, my first impression of those women, was that she was a liar and that I could not trust her to be honest with me. When you start off a date, making that sort of impression, then it is highly unlikely that there will be a second date, much less a relationship.

As for

The majority of older men on here will not get up off the couch to buy a woman a cup of coffee or dinner no matter how beautiful her picture is. For many of them the picture itself is sufficent to satisfy them.

I could not disagree more. The older I get, the more I desire the company of a real person. I really don't think that I am alone in that. In fact, I would think that the majority of older men, would agree with me.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 8 (view)
 
Finding this Site Useless
Posted: 10/9/2008 2:23:33 PM
First of all, I would advise patience. We all deal with rejection & let's face it, there are a lot more men on this & most online dating sites, than there are women. As a result, the women tend to be fairly selective.

First off, I would change your first basic contact message. It sounds too generic, mainly because it is. Women want to feel special and they want to know that you took the time to actually read their profile. While you say that you read it, you need to find something specific in it that caught your eye (other than her photo) and tell her what that is. Don't get too long or wordy (like this post is starting to be), but you need to make a point as to how you have qualities that meet her wants/needs.

I would also suggest that you make some minor change your profile. The photos are fine, though I would suggest that you provide at least one full body shot (fully clothed), so they can better see what you look like. Since you are a mason's apprentice, I am assuming that you are in good shape & I would use that to my advantage.

The second thing is that I would rewrite your profile, such that it is grammatically correct. More importantly, I would also take out of some of the sports stuff. Your profiles seems to dwell on that & women typically have a lot less interest in sports than we do. For example:

Hello, my name is Ryan. I work in construction, as a mason's apprentice. I drive a very nice 03 Ford Ranger. I'm an athletic guy, who is very fit. First off my job is a work out everyday. Also, I love playing sports football, baseball, basketball & softball. I enjoy shooting pool, bowling and going to the movies. I have tons of free time for that special someone. I'm a very responsible and mature guy. I'm not a crazy/party guy, though I do have a drink once in a while. I love my family and spend alot of time with them. I'm a very caring, sweet and funny guy. I'm looking for a girl that knows what she wants and is faithful, family oriented and easy to talk to. You can contact me here or on my space as well. My profile there is my space . com / Scirish_Ryan (connect all that)

Good luck to you. You are a young guy & I would think that with the things that you have going for you, it won't be all that difficult for you to find someone.

(BTW, you might want to consider the gals in your coed softball games. I have a first cousin in DC, who recently got married to a gal he met playing coed softball.)
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 6 (view)
 
Interracial Dating
Posted: 10/9/2008 1:51:34 PM
Yes, I have dated outside of my race & would do so again, with no hesitation. People of other cultures or other backgrounds (and other ages too for that matter) provide a differing view point on life that I often find to be both refreshing & enlightening. If someone interests me as a person and if we have some similar interests and/or lifestyles, then the color of her skin makes no difference to me.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 30 (view)
 
Charlotte POF Mingle at Whiskey River Friday November 7th 6-9
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:17:26 PM
90 signed up so far. If even half that number shows, then we should make this a regular thing.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 671 (view)
 
Morning SEX..... LOVE IT or HATE IT!!!
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:12:11 PM
Morning, afternoon, evening or late at night. It is all good, with the right person, and not bad, with the wrong one.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 21 (view)
 
What do we really want?Givers or Takers?Why are they so attracted to the takers? Gimme some input.
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:09:18 PM

Somehow this is not quite being understood the way I meant it. When I say takers....it has nothing to do with whether they are financially secure or independent or proud.I meant takers,,,,as selfish,ungiving,unyeilding,have to always have everything their way and willing to TAKE all you have to offer and not want to give in return.That is what I meant by Taker!
Now lets see where this goes.LOL


Personally, I don't know why any man or woman would want to be with someone like that. Then again, I don't know why so many women seem to be attracted to self centered jerks either, but many are.

For some, I would guess that it has something to do with self image. They don't feel worthy of love, so they put up with abuse. For others, they may think that their partner will change for them.

Of course, a lot of men, will put up with a lot of crap (for a while at least), if the woman is hot enough. After a while, they tire of the BS and move on.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 116 (view)
 
Anyone from South and North Carolina and surrounding?
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:57:49 PM
Check out the NC forum. There is a POF get together scheduled in November at Whiskey River in Charlotte. I hope to see a bunch of you there.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 14 (view)
 
Charlotte POF Mingle at Whiskey River Friday November 7th 6-9
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:50:03 PM
It is easy to find, but if you wantto know a bit more, check out their website.

http://www.whiskyrivercharlotte.com/
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 40 (view)
 
POF Meet & Greet in Charlotte Area...gauging interest...
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:41:42 PM
Sounds like a plan to me. I hope to meet you all there.
 flexinnc
Joined: 7/6/2004
Msg: 17 (view)
 
What do we really want?Givers or Takers?Why are they so attracted to the takers? Gimme some input.
Posted: 10/2/2008 9:33:57 PM

Do we want a women who describes herself as strong and independent?


Some guys may not like those qualities in a woman, but I certainly do. The last thing I want is someone is weak and who depends on me for everything. I want a partner, with whom I may share life, not a dependent who wants/needs me to think for her. I want someone who will challenge my mind to make me stronger. I want a partner who will inspire me to be a better man, who is worthy of her every day.
 
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